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x
The first training day of the year was always something Glimmer could look forward. Especially since she got elected captain of the hockey team. She missed it. Missed training, missed the laughter, missed The Rebellion (which was not the official name, but they called themselves The Rebellion anyway). With a wide smile on her face she entered the dressing room, threw her backpack in the locker and started to change her clothes. As much as she liked her pink sweatshirt, nothing looked better on her than the blue and gold hockey uniform.
“Hey, Glimmer?” Bow entered the room. He already wore his uniform and hold his hockey stick behind his head, both of his hands dangling down.
“Wanna go to your execution?”
“Doesn’t it look cool?”
“No, you look like an idiot. And now go out, this is the ladies’ dressing room, not yours.”
“According to you oh-so-religious teacher I am, so.” Glimmer rolled his eyes, then smiled.
“He still lives somewhere in the Middle Age, don’t listen to his old, white man’s ass.”
“Glimmer, I don’t appreciate your tone right now.” He laughed, swung his hockey stick and almost knocked over the trash can. “Whatever, see you in a few.”
“See you.” She rolled her eyes again and put her jeans and sweatshirt in her locker, before rushing to the bathroom to fix her hair. In the meantime, her teammates/ friends entered the room, chatting and laughing. She brushed her hair and put it back with a hairband.
“Glimmer?”
“Bathroom”, she answered and grinned, as Netossa came in. She already had her hair up and war paint on her face. “You know that this is just training, right?”
“Yeah, but I do look rad as hell, right?” She struck a pose, dabbed and went off laughing.
“Did you just dab?” Spinnerella almost lost it and struggled to get her shirt over her head. Netossa helped her, which almost ended in a make out session. They stopped because someone entered the room. Someone new.
“Is this hockey training?”
“It is”, Perfuma said, smiling like the useless pansexual she was. Glimmer sighed. “You can have the locker next to mine, come here.” The new girl slowly came over. Glimmer hadn’t seen her the whole week, but she didn’t have something extraordinary on her, something worth remembering. Blonde hair, undercut and a high pony tail. She wore a red jacket over her white tee and looked tired. Pretty average, but also not that of an average pretty.
“So, hurry please. We will start soon and I don’t want Seahawk to set something on fire again.”
“He really did?”
“Yeah, only the hockey rules, but he did.” She shrugged and went through the door to the gym. Seahawk stood on a bench, listening to Bow telling him about how his first day at school was like a real hero. Mermista, his girlfriend and school nurse, sat there, looking at her phone. She listened, but didn’t look like it – in a very inoffensive way.
“So, what do we do today?”, asked Glimmer and sat, legs crossed, on the floor, waving her hockey stick at her trainer.
“A few short test games and then electing a captain.”
“Which will probably be me, right?” Glimmer smiled, trying to look as innocent as possible. There was no other option. Spinnerella was their goal keeper and she wouldn’t give up that position, Netossa didn’t wanted to be captain – responsibilities weren’t her thing – and Frosta was too young to be a captain, but no one dared to tell her. She got really furious, when someone mentioned, she was almost two years younger than the rest of the team. She skipped second and fifth grade and only mentioned it like 120 times, before Mermista told her to shut her babyface or it had to catch these hands.
An empty threat, but it had done its work.
“We’ll see. Bow has some serious plans for this year and there’s the new one, Allura?”
“Adora.” The blonde came out of the dressing room, putting her hair up in a ponytail, as if she hadn’t had it there a few minutes before. Perfuma followed her, her eyes almost had a heart shape and she was smiling like an idiot.
“I’m Adora. I transferred here this week.”
“Nice to meet you.” Seahawk jumped over the benches on the gym floor and hold his hand out, as soon as Adora wanted to grab it, he moved back.
“Welcome to the team.” Glimmer didn’t even bother trying to hide an evil grin.
“Everyone here by now?”, she asked loudly, looking around and nodding to herself, as she saw everyone. “So? Can we start? I had a very rough math lesson today and really need to punch something, even if it’s just a ball.”
“I’d say yes. Did you ever play hockey before?”, Seahawk asked.
“Yes.” Adora looked away as if she was ashamed of it. Glimmer sighed. Okay, maybe she was too much of a princess (her mum used to call her that) and maybe she was okay with that. She was the best hockey player this school ever had and totally ready to finally make it further than the first round of nationwide hockey games. Maybe she would even beat The Horde.
“Oh, and where?”
Adora mumbled something under her breath and then smiled.
“What did you say?”, Perfuma asked and Adora mumbled again, but Glimmer could hear her and asked out loud.
“The Horde?”
“Yeah. So, I was playing for them. Just training, not ready for tournaments yet. I moved to Bright Moon and wanted to really play hockey, so … here I am. No big thing, okay. Can we start now?” Glimmer couldn’t believe the word Adora just said. She played for The Horde, which was a word on word translation for ‘this girl can play hockey like a damn maniac’ and made Glimmer both jealous and weirdly mad. Maybe she should get her shit together.
“Of course. Let’s start.” Mermista judgingly looked at Glimmer, then a little more judgingly looked at her boyfriend and walked down to the floor. With a little key she opened a box and took a few balls out.
“First a little parkour just to get into it again. Then two teams, four on four, I’m joining.”
“Aye”, the all answered, but Adora, who repeated it whispering.
With a loud whistle from Seahawk hockey training started.
x
Adora got elected captain.
Glimmer knew she shouldn’t be that upset, but she was. In fact, she was furious, ran out of the gym and took her clothes with her, without changing. She didn’t need to take the bus because she lived only fifteen minutes away from her high school.
Bow tried to run after her, but Perfuma stopped him. Better for that little ass who almost voted for that new, blonde, hot, position stealing … She couldn’t even come up with a fitting name to call Adora which did not help her and fueled her anger a little more.
“That fucking snot face!” Not the result she hoped for, but combined with Glimmer slamming the front door – quite enough for now. She didn’t say anything to her mum and ran upstairs to change clothes or take a shower or burn something, maybe everything in a different order.
She heard her mum knock on the bathroom door while she was trying to get her stupid shirt over her head. Stupid shirt, stupid training, stupid Adora.
“Glimmer? Are you in there? Is everything alright?”
“Yes, Mum. It’s okay. I’ll be showering and maybe I want to talk then”, she shouted at the bathrobes, which were hanging from hooks on the door.
“Okay, should I start making dinner?”
“I’m not hungry”, Glimmer answered. Not as loud, but very much lying. She was hungry. She was always hungry, when she got angry, but since last hockey season she tried to get that under control. On the field someone called her ‘a baby, too fat to play hockey properly’, which was the worst insult someone ever threw at Glimmer and also one of the most creative ones. She was used to being referred as very curvy or chubby, some assholes even dared to call her fat, but out there on the hockey field, trying to win a game and hearing it from an older boy who had an evil smile after saying it on his dumbass face? Very different, very hurtful.
“Okay, see you then.” She waited until her mum went down the stairs, until she moved again. She threw her dirty clothes in the washing machine and stepping into the shower. She always started cold, so it wasn’t that bad, that it took the water a little time to get warm.
While washing her hair she was still thinking about insults and how unfair everything was, but then she thought about how Adora was better than her. Faster on the field and in planning her next steps, more agile. She thought about how impressed Seahawk looked at Adora and thought about last year when he looked at her that way. She thought about the possibility that Adora was a better captain than she was and tears started to run down her cheeks. She never had been good at anything else but hockey. Maybe reading, but no one would really consider this a really big thing.
And now …
Glimmer sighed and wiped away the tears. Not that it helped, she still stood in the shower. Whilst shaking her head she turned the water cold again, rinsed her hair a second time and stepped out of the shower.
She dried her hair with a towel, wrapped it around her body and went into her room, to change clothes. Her mum waited, probably with food because they both had that very strong habit of eating when stressed. Only that Angella never gained weight from it.
Glimmer threw on yoga pants and a too big shirt, taking a few seconds to look at herself in her mirror.
“Seahawk has his reasons and the others have too. That doesn’t mean they don’t like you, you stupid moron.” She winked at her, stuck out her tongue and ran downstairs to find her mum waiting with a plate of cookies and coffee.
A smile built on her face that didn’t even require any kind of acting talent as she sat down, talking about her first hockey training.
x
Bow called that evening to make sure Glimmer was okay. She was. She had made her peace with the decision, but also made a plan to make Seahawk regret it by the first game.
“Hey”, she said as she answered the call.
“Glimmer? Are you alright? I was worried, but also not that worried because you are very impulsive and maybe you’ll be fine later. But you haven’t been on Twitter the whole afternoon, so I thought maybe you are not okay. So? Are you?”
“I’m fine. I guess.” She walked to her couch and let herself fall into the big pillows. “I mean, I am mad as hell, but okay.”
“You are plotting to kill her, aren’t you?”
“No, way. I’d never do that.” She smiled and look out of her skylight, watching the pink sky turn grey and then dark.
“Liar”, Bow shouted and giggled afterwards. “So? Wanna hang out tomorrow? My mom’s making pizza for the team.”
“I guess.”
“Adora’s coming too.”
“I’ll think about it, okay?”
“Okay.” Silence. She knew she shouldn’t be that petty, but she was and because they were on the same team didn’t mean they had to be best friends.
“Bye”, she said and didn’t even wait for an answer before hanging up and throwing her phone away. With a growl she rolled around and pressed her face into a pillow. As if she were okay, dammit.
She hated Adora. Not really, but she did. That stupid girl with her high ponytail and stupid undercut and stupid talent for playing hockey.
Glimmer hated Adora and that was a fact she was really sure of. That was a fact that wouldn’t change.
Ever.
x
With her pizza on a plate Glimmer sat on a chair next to the couch everyone else seemed to sit on. Bow actually invited the whole team. Even Frosta came, but she would be picked up in one and a half hours. Her parents were strict and she had told them, they would learn together. What a resourceful lie.
Glimmer looked at her pizza, the third piece, and felt like a failure as she took a big bite. Adora, only one arm length away from her, laughed about a pun Bow just made and almost choked on her pizza.
It was hard not to think bad of the blonde girl, but Glimmer managed to remember the kindness her mum always wanted her to adapt into her life. Didn’t work that well, but in a way.
Glimmer sighed and finished her pizza quietly.
“Hey.” She looked up and saw Adora. She sighed again.
“What do you want?”
“We just wondered if you’re okay with watching ‘Brother Bear’”, she said and moved a little back to Glimmer’s tone was a little rude.
“Yeah, it’s okay. Sorry.” She stood up to bring her plate into the kitchen and go to the bathroom, not hearing the footsteps behind her. As she wanted to go down into the basement again, where the rest of the team was singing along to the music, someone coughed behind her. Adora.
“Have you been following me? That’s weird.”
“I know, I’m sorry. I just … I’m sorry that you’re mad. I just don’t know why.”
“You don’t know?” Glimmer laughed ironically and crossed her arms before her chest. “Seriously?”
“Is it because I am captain now?”
“No.” She rolled her eyes, but Adora could understand sarcasm, maybe because Glimmer didn’t try to hide it. She took a step in Glimmers direction and held out one hand.
“I can talk to Seahawk, if you want. I just don’t want you to hate me.”
“Well, too late.” Glimmer turned around and ran down to get her stuff.
“I’m sorry”, she said to her friends, tried to keep up a smile and left through the door that led to the garden. She could walk, even though her mum said she could pick her up at any time. It was too soon and her mum would ask questions.
Glimmer decided to make a detour and visit the graveyard. Maybe her dad had some advice to cope with these stupid feelings like anger, disappointment and envy.
x
“You’re home early”, her mum stated.
“I know. Frosta got picked up earlier and I wanted to go. Still got homework and I want to read before bedtime.”
“Glimmer, it’s Saturday evening and you want to do homework? What kind of a teenager are you?”
“Okay, Adora was there and she was all ‘look at me, I’m the new captain’. I got annoyed, fine?” She hung up her jacket and proceeded to go to her room.
“Good night, Mum.”
“Good night, Glimmer.” She sounded worried, but Glimmer didn’t care. She went straight to her room and after changing into a comfortable shirt and big, fuzzy socks to sleep in, she went into bed. She had to climb up a ladder, which made her feel closer to the sky and, since she had abaout twenty fairy lights up there, she could easily imagine herself leaving this world behind.
She laid there, looking up to the stars and clouds and thinking about her dad. She talked to him, as if he was there. Like always.
He didn’t answer. Like always.
But still she felt different. She didn’t really feel lighter, which normally was the case. Maybe he was already asleep since she never went to the graveyard in the dark. Not because she was scared, but because she never felt like she wanted or needed to.
Maybe she should rethink on her own.
Maybe she was losing her connection to her father, a thought that almost made her cry.
Maybe she needed some rest and a selfcare day tomorrow to get her head back in line.
x
Glimmer hated Mondays. Mostly because Bow loved them and wanted to plan the whole week on this day, maybe she was just average, maybe because her Sunday was awesome and she really didn’t want that day to be over.
It was her second week of school and the holidays couldn’t come by fast enough already.
Maybe she hated this Monday because it was her first official week without being captain of Bright Moons High School hockey team.
“Hey, Glimmer”, Bow greeted her as she grabbed her books out of her locker. She didn’t say anything back. This time he didn’t call or even text her and after being angry and sad for almost two hours yesterday she decided he was not worth that kind of attention and went on.
“Hey, what’s wrong?”
“You know.”
“No, I don’t. You ran away and didn’t even explain why. Though I am sure it’s because of Adora, which is by the way really childish of you.”
“Step off, Bow. I need some time to get used to being a failure in hockey, just let me be, okay?”
“You’re not a failure, drama queen.” She rolled her eyes, closed her locker and wanted to go to her class. Unfortunately Bow also had History class now and unfortunately, he sat next to her.
“Glimmer, hey. Listen, I know. You’re mad. But that’s bullshit and you know it. You’re great at hockey and we both know that. You could easily outrun everyone on the team.”
“Except Adora.” He sighed and let his bag fall on the desk.
“Get your shit together, Glimmer. She is nice and really wants to be your friend. She was worried.”
“Yeah, I don’t care.” The teacher entered the room and the class needed a few moments to be silent enough for the lesson to start. Glimmer didn’t answer Bow’s tries to contact her. No whispering, no notes, not even a text message. She stared at the chalk board and really tried to look interested in what the teacher had to say.
She knew she was being childish and after yesterday almost all her anger went away. She still didn’t like Adora and still was envious, but she could get along with her.
She was from the Horde. The Horde was like the total outcast team of all, all of the players were either orphans or had parents who totally sucked at their job – raising a child – and the government put them in other homes. Maybe she was one of these children, maybe she was even one of those who dropped out of school for hockey and what-not, maybe she would drop out of school any time this year.
She groaned and hid her face in between her hands. She was jealous.
Which made her think like that?
She really should try harder to get to know Adora. Bow would probably be proud of her and it would be better for her performance as a team. She wasn’t team captain, but she still knew the stuff and she still wanted to make Seahawk regret his decision.
She was born a leader and she would be a leader.
x
This week’s training had been a mess and Glimmer never thought that she would be happy that training was over. It was mostly Seahawks fault. He was sick and still insisted on coming today, but fell asleep a few times and Mermista wasn’t here today, so they stood around waiting for Adora to tell them what to do for half of the time until Glimmer decided to take over and made them do some running training and keeping the ball as close to their hockey sticks as possible whilst parkouring around different objects or around team mates.
“See you next week”, Seahawk said and sneezed.
“Bless you”, everyone said in unison before they split up and went to the dressing room. Netossa and Spinnerella were the only ones to shower at school, Frosta was the first one to leave the room and drive home. Perfuma also was very quick this time and soon only Adora and Glimmer were in the room, undressing and dressing quietly.
“Thank you for taking the lead”, Adora said.
“You’re welcome.” Glimmer smiled at her, just for half a second, but it made Adora smile as well. She still looked gorgeous, even though she was sweaty and her cheeks red from training. Almost cute.
“You were a good captain. Bow told me how you almost made it to the semi-finals. I mean, we could have met there, isn’t that crazy?”
“It is, but you don’t need to try to get through with small talk.”
“Oh, I’m sorry.” Adora stuffed her clothes in her bag. “I’m really sorry, that you are so mean. Poor Glimmer, jealous and doesn’t know how to help herself but to be mean.”
“Hey, don’t make this about me.”
“Why not? It’s not my fault that I’m captain!”
“It’s not about being captain, you moron!”, Glimmer shouted with enough anger in her voice she almost set fire to the air between them. “It’s not about this.”
“About what then?”
“None of your business, New one.” She took her bag and hockey stick and left without another word, tearing up for no damn reason. Why did she even bother?
She hated her. She did.
“I do”, she whispered.
x
Two weeks passed in which Glimmer did not talk to Adora in any way, ignored her on the hallway and did not answer any of Bows question why she was still mad. She wasn’t.
Not really. She tried to talk herself into it, but she never was the kind of person to be angry for long and two training sessions later she saw, why Adora was captain. Not only was she very fast, she could get through better than Glimmer did. She didn’t know why, but Adora had something that came with her and drew all the attention to her.
Maybe because she was pretty, maybe because she could be loud, maybe because she acted older than she was without making it seem fake.
Glimmer wasn’t mad anymore nor was she jealous. She was proud and too proud to admit she was wrong about Adora. Something Bow and her mum always criticized about her – she really was unable to admit mistakes – and something she probably got from her dad. There were times she was happy about her pride for it made her stand up again after falling, speaking out for others and defending herself or them, but there were also times she wished she was easier to handle. For herself only, obviously.
“Hey, sparkling Bubblegum.” Bow almost jumped on her back, laughing. “You have to admit, best nickname ever.”
“It’s not and you know that.” She wiggled him off her shoulder. “What do you want? Normally you want something when you’re doing your dumb nickname game.”
“I want you to come over tonight. You missed Brother Bear last time and I think we should watch it for real this time. Or something else.”
“So, you wanna hang out?”
“No, Glimmer. I want to ask you, a lesbian, out on a date. Of course, idiot.” He smiled and looked at her, waiting for a response.”
“Only the two of us this time?”
“Just the best friends squad hanging out.”
“Two people don’t make a squad.”
“So, it’s a yes?”
“Yes.” She sighed, but was happy about Bow asking. She missed this. Hanging out, watching movies and eating fries like there was no tomorrow. The bell rang and Glimmer checked her schedule in her head. Art, now.
“So, see you in training later?”
“Yes.” Bow waved her good bye and went down the hallway. He had Physics and Glimmer was glad she leaned more to the art side of her school, meaning she only had Biology, but Art, Music and a Literary Course. She liked poetry a little more than she wanted to admit and sometimes thought about writing instead of doing hockey. But she wasn’t good enough with words and definitely liked beating the shit out of an innocent ball too much to give up on it.
With a smile she walked to her class, ignoring Adora as she walked into the room. She sat in the last row, alone, Glimmer was at the front and she could feel the new one staring at her. She wasn’t new anymore, she was almost like friends with the team and the teachers liked her, she was smart. But Glimmer kept the nickname for her.
Her art teacher knocked on her desk to silence the class and started with her lesson about modern adaptions to ancient architecture.
x
Glimmer was suspicious as she arrived at Bow’s house. His parent’s car wasn’t there, but a motorcycle.
“I’ll pick you up at 10:30, okay?”
“Yes. It’s a school night, I know. See you.” She jumped out of the car and waited for her mum to drive off, until she turned around and made her way through the garden in front of the house. When they were little, they played hide and seek between the bushes and trees, Glimmer used to hide behind the gardening house, where the grass was so high it reached up to her shoulders. Bow never found her, until she sneaked to a more obvious place.
Smiling she stopped at the front door and pressed the doorbell. The sound of Big Ben echoed through the house and soon she heard footsteps.
“On time, as always”, Bow greeted her with a wide smile. He was wearing his biggest sweater – normally a sign he wasn’t wearing his binder below – and didn’t hug her – which was also a sign, that he didn’t wear it.
“Hey.” She kicked her shoes off and put her jacket on the wardrobe. “Whose bike is out there?”
“Mine.” Glimmer tried not to be scared by the sudden voice. She didn’t even hear Adora coming up. Glimmer frowned and look at Bow.
“You said just us two.”
“I said ‘best friend squad’ and since you don’t think two persons aren’t enough to build a squad, I invited her too.”
“I can go, if …”
“No, you stay. I bought too many fries for you to run away now.” He placed one arm around Glimmer’s shoulder and one arm around Adora’s waist and lead them to the kitchen. “I’ll be back in a minute. Glimmer, you know where to get you something to drink?” She nodded and Bow ran downstairs to get the fries from the freezer.
“What do you want from Bow?”, Glimmer asked Adora and crossed her arms in front of her chest.
“Nothing. I don’t even know, why I’m here, okay? He invited me and I’m glad he did. I don’t have any friends and he’s nice, but if you think I’m in a way or something …”
“You mean, I like him?”
“Don’t you? You are pretty overprotective so I thought …”
“Well, you thought wrong.” Glimmer kept her mouth shut just on time before an insult could make its way out.
“Okay, so why are you still mad at me? I did nothing wrong!” Adora seemed angry, her eyes were made of blue fire and her fists were shaking.
“I’m not mad at you”, Glimmer began, but as soon as the words were out there, she did not know how to end the sentence, so she remained silent.
“You’re not?”
Bow came back and Glimmer rushed to get them some glasses and water for herself, soda for Bow and sparkling water for Adora. Bow put the fries into the oven and started to talk about all the movies they could watch now.
“My mum picks me up at 10:30, just so you know.”
“Then let’s go. We have a very tight schedule.” He started to run downstairs again, Glimmer followed him slowly. Adora was walking behind her and she felt her look, stinging like needles in her neck. But asking to talk about this first?
Glimmer had her pride.
x
Her mum went to sleep ten minutes ago and Glimmer was supposed to sleep for two hours now. She couldn’t and she didn’t know why. She started with rolling around in her bed to counting sheep to scrolling through Instagram, after she checked her Twitter, which was quite dead at this point of the night.
“Hey, Glimmer.” A text showed up on her phone from an unknown number. At least she didn’t save that number to her phone.
“I got your number from Bow. Sorry if this is rude, but can we talk? I mean, I guess Bow kind of interrupted us, didn’t he? Oh, and here is Adora.” Glimmer gasped and was already typing a very mad message to her best friend, all caps lock and many spelling mistakes, as she realized, he wouldn’t bother. That idiot.
She laid down her phone on her chest, taking a few deep breaths and gathering her thoughts, before texting Adora back.
“To be honest there is nothing to talk about. I’m not mad at you anymore. But I don’t know you and I don’t know if I can trust you, so … idk.” She hit send and rolled on her stomach, pressing her face into a pillow. Why was she just not able to interact with strangers like a normal human being? Why was she so arrogant, so selfish, so childish, so difficult, so …?
Her phone vibrated.
“I’m sorry that I made captain, but we can work together and if you want to get to know me, we can hang out more. I liked that thing today.” Glimmer smiled at her phone. Adora sounded like she was trying to impress anyone with her writing.
“ugh, I’m sorry. I’m bad at this whole thing. I grew up with a lot of kids – orphan kind of style – and my last best friend turned out to be garbage, so … you know what I mean?”
“kinda”
“sorry” Glimmer sighed and sighed again, a little louder, before she mentally closed her eyes to jump over her own shadow.
“wanna meet tomorrow at lunch? My mum always gives me food for two.” A lie, Glimmer always packed food for two for herself, in case Bow forgot his lunch again and didn’t have any money with him, which happened quite often. His parents worked both full time and in shifts, only had some free time on the weekend. Bow did barley see them, but was okay with that. They were here for him, just forgot sometimes that he needed money for lunch or they forgot to sign a paper.
“Really? Yes. That would be awesome.” Adora sent her a heart emoji and Glimmer had to smile. She sent her mandatory sparkles and a closed-eyes-kiss-emoji. Together with Bow she learned how to perfectly make use of those little yellow faces and symbols. By now she had her art almost perfected.
“See you tomorrow then. Good night”, she typed and waited for Adora’s text, before putting her phone down. While wondering if this was a good idea, she fell asleep.
x
It was.
It was a good idea to eat lunch together and it was a good idea to make a group chat for the new born BEST FRIENDS SQUAD which Bow always yelled or – in text – wrote in caps lock. He seemed very happy about Adora and Glimmer getting closer.
It was a good idea to sit down and talk, to get to know each other better. Glimmer told Adora about her father and how long it had taken her mum to allow her to color her hair pink, while Adora told her about growing up with a bunch of kids her age, everyone as strange as can be.
Only in training they kept up being enemies. They pushed each other to their limits. Glimmer never was so fast, Adora never stronger and the rest of them team tried to keep up with them which made them all better.
It was a good idea, Glimmer thought sometimes, when she saw Adora laughing about Bow’s impersonations of their teachers.
x
Glimmer woke up because her phone vibrated next to her. She knew, sleeping with her turned on phone next to her head was like the worst idea ever, but she did it anyway.
It was Adora.
She never called her this late, so it has to be some kind of emergency.
“Hey, are you okay?”, she whispered. No answer, just crying noises. “Adora?”
“I-I’m sorry. I-I… I had a nightmare.”
“Oh.” Glimmer sat up, trying to stop herself from yawning. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“No, I just … I need to know I’m not alone.”
“You’re not.” To be fair, Glimmer was a little confused about this, but Adora was still crying, sniffled and her voice was shaking. “I’m here, I’m with you.”
“Thank you.” Silence filled with tears, sorrows. Glimmer was tempted to put on shoes and a jacket, and ride over to Adora. Over would mean to get through half the city in the middle of the night, in the middle of a night in November, which made it even less likely to be any kind of a good idea.
She still asked.
“Should I come over?”
“No. Oh, god. No, you don’t have to.” Adora sighed. “Sorry for waking you up.”
“No, it’s fine. Are you feeling better?”
“Yes.” Glimmer smiled and fell back into her pillow. They both went silent and she was listening to Adora. She was inhaling and exhaling as if she was doing some kind of breathing practice.
“Can you talk for a bit? Just … tell me something.” And Glimmer did. She told her about how she wished for a black bike when she was seven years old and didn’t get it because she already had a bike, bright green with little flowers painted on it. So she went in the garage, managed to open a can of black paint and painted her green bike. Her mother was furious and her dad called her an artist.
“He seems like the best father I ever heard about.”
“You heard about a lot of fathers, didn’t you?”
“Haha, so funny. Really.”
“He was the best. I really miss him.” Glimmer sighed, Adora sighed. Again silence.
“Do you think you can sleep now?”
“I hope so.”
“Call me, okay?”
“I will. Good night.”
“Night.” Glimmer held her phone to her ear, after Adora hung up. She wondered, what Adora had dreamt about. She seemed to be tired most of the time, when they saw each other in school, but Glimmer never thought about nightmares.
She felt sorry for Adora.
But not only sorry. There was a little more as she rolled over and thought of Adora. Smiling, laughing. Happy.
Someone like her shouldn’t have nightmares.
She not only felt sorry for Adora, but she wanted to protect her. From whatever caused nightmare, from whatever hurt her.
She couldn’t sleep.
Her stupid heart beat too loud.
Her stupid brain kept thinking of Adora.
x
Days went by. Weeks.
The Bright Moon High hockey team had their first tournament against another High School and beat them by one point. It wasn’t hard until the other team changed one of their teammates in and a boy, twice Glimmer’s size (almost) took their place and it started to get difficult to score.
After the match the whole team went out for fries, burgers and an insane amount of milk shakes. Glimmer sat between Adora and Bow, stealing fries from her best friend and one or two or four sips of Adora’s strawberry milkshake.
“And then”, Frosta exclaimed – Glimmer could swear she never saw the little girl more excited in her life – “I managed to hit him with the ball right between his legs.” She giggled and hid her face in her hands. Everyone laughed too, even though they’ve seen it earlier on the field.
Glimmer looked over to Adora. She smiled, stirred in her milk shake and suddenly her smile froze, crumbled, fell into pieces. She seemed sad and Glimmer wondered, again. Wondered because she could not get herself to ask Adora.
How should she do it anyway?
“Hey, I sometimes see how you get sad. Why’s that?” Maybe. Maybe she could do it, but not now. Now she leaned to her and whispered.
“Are you okay?”
“What?”
“Are you okay?” Adora looked at her as if she was a ghost, then smiled. Still sad.
“It’s fine. Can I call you later?”
“Of course.
“What are you talking about?”, Bow wanted to know, raising one eyebrow at them, that familiar smirk of ‘I already know, what’s happening here, you gay idiots’ Glimmer not really hated, but definitely didn’t like.
“Nothing important”, Glimmer answered and stole fries from Bow’s plate. She finished her salad half an hour ago and didn’t brought any more money with her – and she wouldn’t dare to ask anyone else to pay for her food.
Adora winked with her finger, Bow leaned towards her, curious.
“We talked about if we should hide our super-secret relationship or if we should make out in front of everyone’s very eyes”, Adora said, her face had a stone-cold expression, no sign of a smile. Bow’s eyes doubled their size, he went silent and everyone on the table went silent.
Glimmer felt heat upon her cheek and rolled her eyes. Seconds later Adora burst out in laughter, making everyone laugh, making fun of the idea, that they could be a couple.
Glimmer didn’t know it would hurt, but it did. Still she smiled, trying not to stop breathing as Adora put her arm around her.
x
“It’s weird. Being with all of you. I think of you all as friends. In a way. You and Bow are maybe really my best friends, I don’t really know. But before you there was the Horde, there was Catra and I thought of them today. If we could do that, sit there, talk, laugh. We were more serious about our training, for some of us it was the only thing that mattered. We never did such things, but still I miss them. Somehow. Not really, but … do you understand?”
“No, I guess.”
“Shit, this sucks. I didn’t mean to sound like I don’t appreciate you. I do. Really. But I wonder sometimes what the others are up to right now. If they sometimes think of me. We were some kind of family at least.” Adora sighed, then didn’t talk for a while.
“I’m sorry.”
“No need to be.”
“Just partly for this. Also for what I said today. Joking about our relationship. I guess it made you uncomfortable.” Glimmer didn’t say anything and they ended the phone call with silence.
Adora called again.
Later. A few minutes before midnight.
“Goodnight”, she said.
“Goodnight”, Glimmer answered.
x
“Where’s Bow?”, Adora asked. They were meant to meet in front of the cinema, all three of them, but Bow didn’t show up and for best-friend-squad-activities he wouldn’t dare to be late.
“Wait.” Glimmer took a look at her phone. Bow texted. “That bloddy …”
“What happened?”
“He won’t come. We should enjoy the movie, but he got something else to do.”
“Bow? Really?”
“I don’t know.” Glimmer shrugged and hid her shaking hands in the pockets of her hoodie. “You still want to go?”
“If you want to. Pretty much the first time that I’ve been to a cinema.”
“What?” Glimmer was shocked. How could she never been to a cinema? Did their caretaker at the orphanage never thought of going there? Did her friends never … Glimmer remembered the phone call they had a few days ago. Adora didn’t seem to have had any friends besides Catra, who Glimmer thought of as a ghost, haunting Adora’s today.
“We’re totally going in there.” Glimmer took her hand, there was no shaking, no fear, no heart racing in her chest. She would make sure, that Adora was able to get all that memories she missed. And Glimmer felt like she missed a lot.
Adora didn’t let go of her hand as they were buying the tickets.
Adora didn’t let go of her hand as they were buying snacks and sat down to watch the movie.
Adora didn’t let go of her hand as the movie started or while they were watching. Glimmer caught Adora looking at her, smiling.
Her heart was back at the race and she was glad the cinema was dark, so her friend couldn’t see the color that came with the heat in her cheeks.
After the movie Glimmer saw at least ten thousand text messages from Bow.
“Our traitor friend wants to know how the … date is going.”
“Fine, I’d say.” Adora smiled.
“If you’d let go off my hand, I could tell him.”
“Then don’t do it.” Glimmer smiled and Adora let go off Glimmer’s hand. “Tell him, that I’m taking you out for dinner.”
“You do what?” Glimmer turned around to her and was struck by something that felt like a lightning, but without pain but amazement. Adora’s cheeks were red, she looked away and had her hands in the pockets of her college jacket. She looked good in red, amazing. Glimmer felt like kissing her, but that would be too much.
She hated to admit, but she had a crush.
A big, gay crush and Adora, who just asked her out and was blushing.
“I asked you to go out with me.” Glimmer almost exploded of luck and being in love, wanting to be in love, wanting to kiss that stupid hockey master with her stupid undercut and her stupid red jacket.
“I … I would love to.”
x
Glimmer felt like she was floating the whole weekend until her phone rang in the middle of the night, it was already Monday and she had to finish some homework, so she was still awake.
“Adora, you okay?”
“No.” Glimmer stood up, ready to even walk through half of Bright Moon to get to her.
“What’s wrong?”
“I’m at your house. I guess. Your window’s the one with light, isn’t it?” Glimmer walked to her window, looked down at the street. Adora stood there, next to her motorbike. Glimmer didn’t hear it come up, but that may have had something to do with listening to her favorite playlist on almost full volume.
“Wait.” She quietly opened her bedroom door, walked down the hallway to the stairs and skipped the second to last step – it always made a loud, squeaky noise.
She ended the call, as she put on a jacket, put on her shoes and opened the door. Adora still stood there, on the same spot. She looked at her and even from the distance and without any other light than the dim streetlight she saw her friend crying.
She took the keys out of the bowl and closed the door behind her, as quietly as possible.
“Adora?” It seemed like it was kind of a signal because as Glimmer said her name, she moved. She let her helmet drop on the floor and ran over, storming into Glimmer and holding her tight. Glimmer slowly patted her back, but Adora didn’t stop.
Glimmer started to hum something her mother and father sang to her every night to get her to sleep. It seemed to help, a little bit.
Adora did not talk about the nightmare. She never did, which made Glimmer felt useless, but it was none of her business. As long as Adora wanted to keep her nightmares a secret she would wait. She knew when to step into it. She knew when Adora needed help.
She could help her.
Somehow.
x
“Hey, Mum. We won. We beat the living shit out of that losers and we won and we will win the next game and THEN we will be champions.” Glimmer giggled, not thinking about the consequences. She was drunk and she needed to tell her mum something.
“And now we have a party. Perfuma had some alcoholic beverages in her minibar and we’re celebrating. Aren’t we?”, she asked her friends, after she opened up the bathroom door and hold her phone up. Cheering, laughing.
It was true. Perfuma had Wine, Vodka, Whiskey and some beer in the minibar. Because of a mix up she and Bow and Seahawk and Mermista changed bedroom. And so the coaches were stuck with coke and soda while the teenagers were getting drunk.
Glimmer closed the door.
“So, Mum. I gotta tell you one thing, before I’ll go back and win another game. So, the thing is. I have a crush and it’s on a girl which means, I’m pretty gay. I guess. Love you, bye.” She hung up.
Feeling drunk went away between blinking and looking at her dark phone screen. She did it. She called her mum and now her mum knew and it was out there. She had a crush on a girl. On a girl.
On Adora.
Her mum knew.
She took a deep breath, smiled at herself in the mirror, stuck her tongue out and went back to her friends. She really got a game to win, since they were playing UNO.
She really got to win.
And she really got to drink another few bottle caps of something that would burn the fear away and kept her playing and playing and playing along.
x
“You’re grounded”, her mum said the moment Glimmer entered the house. Her head felt nearly twice his normal size, so she didn’t really fight back. She just went up to her room, fell into her bed and as soon as she closed her eyes the world started to spin until she drifted off into sleep.
Her mum woke her up.
She didn’t look as fierce as she did, when Glimmer came home, so that was a good thing. At least she hoped so. Angella sat next to her on the bed, sorrow in her eyes.
“Are you feeling better?”
“A little.”
“I made soup. We need to talk.”
“I guess”, Glimmer said, avoiding to look into her mother’s eyes. She didn’t want to talk. Yesterday was a mistake, calling her was a mistake. She didn’t know anything.
“I want you to know, that I love you. I really love you and loving a person never makes you unworthy of my love or something. But why I am mad is because you were drunk. You’re fifteen. You shouldn’t be drunk.”
“I know, Mum..” Glimmer had tears in her eyes. She felt guilty, she felt bad and not only because of the headache she got from vodka shots and wine. “I’m sorry.”
“I know.” She smiled and nodded at the soup in front of Glimmer. Glimmer sighed and stirred in it, a few seconds, then she started crying.
“What’s wrong?” Glimmer stood up, ran around the table and hugged her mother.
“Thank you for not hating me.”
“Why should I?”
“Because I guess I’m gay?”
“And why should that make me love you any less, hm?”
“I don’t know.”
“See? My little Glimmer, don’t worry too much.” She hugged Glimmer, kissing her hair and holding her close while she cried.
“I love you, Mum.”
“I love you, too.”
x
It was lunch time and Glimmer was on her way to meet the others outside. It was slowly getting warm again and they loved to sit outside, taking in the sunlight as if the winter in Bright Moon was one long and dark night.
“Glimmer, wait.” She turned around as she heard Adora’s voice. She thought her friend was already outside, but she stood there, next to the posters for a upcoming hockey match and Glimmer never saw her looking this lost. She never saw her looking this out of place, nowhere to belong to.
“What happend?”
“Nothing, I just … Can we talk for a moment?” Glimmer came over to her and without saying anything they walked into the school until they found an empty classroom. Adora closed the door behind them, back towards Glimmer. She sighed.
“I need to tell you some things. About the nightmares and friendships. I … I can’t keep that to myself and you, you are my friend and … I am sorry, this is stupid.”
“No, it’s not.” Glimmer came over to her. “Can I touch you?” It wasn’t new to her asking that. She did most of the time when Adora felt like she was feeling right now. She knew how tears could change one person’s behavior. She knew above all because she cried so much, too much for someone her age. She saw so many people cry, she saw her mother cry. Tears change people and change needs new rules.
Adora nodded and Glimmer turned her around, one hand on Adoras cheek.
“It’s not stupid. You can tell me, okay?”
And Adora did. She told her.
Everything.
She told her about the others at the orphanage, about that woman she called Shadow Weaver, who had another name, but she waved shadows and lies and hopes together to cover the children with a blanket made of manipulation and a smile on a dark, dark mask. She told Glimmer about Catra, her best friend, her only friend, her almost-girlfriend. She told Glimmer about how she dreamed to be world’s best hockey player or a superhero, but ended up being betrayed. She told Glimmer that Shadow Weaver maybe liked her the best, but as soon as she saw Adora’s mistrust she abandoned her. She let her fall and fall and fall until she got the help she needed so much. She told Glimmer that she ran away and child protective service helped her to get a flat, to get herself someone to talk to - Adora hadn’t seen that woman in weeks.
“I couldn’t go there. Because I told a stranger about everything, but not you. And of all people I trust you the most. I don’t even know why, because you hated me at the beginning. I don’t know, how we forged something like this out of something like it was before, but we did. And I couldn’t tell a stranger about my feelings, but you.” She bit her lip and wiped away the tears on her cheek, looking at the ground. While Adora had been talking, Glimmer sat down and later Adora did too.
Silence, heavy like a broken promise or a lost friend or a scary memory.
“I could understand, if you now don’t want to be my friend or …”
“What? No. Holy shit, Adora, no.” Glimmer jumped up from her seat and kneeled in front of her friend. “No, why wouldn’t I be your friend?”
“Because you now know why I cry at night and call you, when you’re supposed to sleep, and why I get sad, when we celebrate our win.”
“And why would all that make me like you any less?”
“I don’t know.”
“See, I don’t know either.” Glimmer smiled. “You should see that woman that you used to see again. She knows things I don’t. She might be able help you with the nightmares.” Adora didn’t react, just stared at her as if Glimmer had three eyes and whiskers like a cat.
“You’re my friend, Adora. I’m here for you even if life’s not all rainbows and sunshine, okay?”
“Okay”, Adora answered after a while and dried her tears. “Okay.” She almost smiled, at least looked happier, less lost. Glimmer was tempted to say more, say “I love you” and kiss her, but she didn’t dare.
Adora needed some rest, someone behind her back and a normal life.
x
It was almost a week later that they all sat in Bow’s room. He came up with another glorious thought about his room. Since it was downstairs he called himself ‘basically Harry Potter because it is down stairs’. Glimmer laughed about the idea and Adora asked, who Harry Potter was.
They more or less decided to watch the first Harry Potter, it was kind of an emergency. While watching Bow kept talking with the characters, Glimmer watched Adora’s reaction and held her hand at the beginning because the Dursleys reminded her of her old so-called-home.
Adora drove her home, Glimmer wrapped her arms tightly around her friend and hold on to her a little longer than needed as they were already standing.
“Is everything okay?” Adora put Glimmer’s helmet under the seat and looked her right into the eyes.
“What? Oh, yes. Yes, everything’s fine. Why?”
“You kept staring at me throughout the movie. Sorry to break it to you, but that wasn’t really well hidden.” She grinned while she packed away Glimmer’s helmet.
“I’m sorry.”
“So? Why?” She leaned over her bike to Glimmer, placing her chin in her hands, smiling. Glimmer blushed. How could she do this? Just stand there and look at her like that.
“It’s nothing, I just wanted to see how you react. Bow and I used to watch all movies every year in Middle School.” She hid her hands again, she always hid her hands because there you could see if she was nervous. Shakingly nervous.
“Okay, so … I’ll text you later then?”
“Adora, I …” She should not do that now. It was the wrong time, but she kept going. “I think I like you. A little more than as a friend. And I know I could ruin our friendship, but I hope it won’t. We should’ve talked about this after our date. A little later now, isn’t it? I mean … I like you. Really. And not since yesterday, but for a while and I really should shut up or something, but I want to kiss you and hold you close and hold your hand without wondering what we are and I …”
“You could. If you want to.” Adora lifted her head, leaned to Glimmer, smiling.
“What?”
“You could kiss me.”
And after a few moments, years, seconds she did it. She kissed Adora and it was like flying directly into the sun, burning and flying and falling with wings of coal.
It felt amazing and Glimmer sure didn’t get enough just after one kiss. She wrapped her arms around Adoras neck, pulled her closer and kissed her again. Maybe not good, but she kissed her with everything she had and Adora kissed her back. Their lips fit together as if they were made for kissing each other.
“I really like you too”, Adora whispered against her lips, smiling and kissing and trying to not forget breathing and smiling and kissing again.
They did not talk about what they were, but it didn’t matter. Now they were kissing and finally Glimmer knew why her heart was beating so fast all the time.
It tried to keep up with Adora’s.
x
Friday after. Of course they told Bow on Monday, but the rest of the team could wait until friday. Glimmer knew they wouldn’t have a problem with it, but she was still nervous.
“Are you alright? You seem a little pale?” Adora held her back from entering the dressing room and brushed Glimmer’s hair out her face. “You’re nervous.”
“Maybe.” Glimmer looked away. Nervous, a little embarrassed now that Adora knew how she felt. Oh, and since she was embarrassed she now felt horrible too.
“We can tell them someday else, okay? There is no need to rush such things.”
“Okay.” Glimmer smiled at her girlfriend. Girlfriend. It felt awesome thinking of it as real, as the truth and not some cheesy daydream. She entered the dressing room first and, as soon as Adora closed the door behind them, she grabbed her friend’s hand, looked at everyone with the most deadly look she could get together, smiled and just said it.
“We’re lesbians.”
“I thought you were from Bright Moon.” Silence, than everyone yelled and laughed and Perfuma almost ran over Glimmer to hug her and Adora at the same time. Glimmer laughed and didn’t let got of Adora’s hand, squeezing it, just to know if everything was fine.
Adora laughed and almost broke down as someone explained her the joke behind what Frosta just said.
“I thought you wanted to wait?”
“But I didn’t want you to think I’m a coward. I mean, you’re my hockey arch enemy, how ridiculous would it be, if I couldn’t tell them.”
“Brave, little idiot.” Glimmer giggled as Adora kissed her nose and smiled throughout the whole hockey training. Being in love felt so fucking good.
x
Again time went by. Glimmer told her dad about Adora and she was pretty sure he would sigh and shake his head while smiling and then say something like “she got the good taste in women from me” and he would hug her.
She told him about dates and driving down highways on Adora’s motorbike. About how he would hate how much time they spend together and that she still did her homework, so at least this point would be covered. She told him to bring Adora one time.
Time went by and games went by and they won over and over again, until they reached the final game.
Against The Horde.
x
“Hey, Adora.” Glimmer didn’t recognize the voice, but Adroa did. Her eyes twitched and she turned around to look at the girl in front of her.
“Catra.” THE Catra? Glimmer was ready to fight, but kept it down on the outside. She crossed her arms in front of her chest and looked at the stranger. Catra was taller than her, her darker skin made her look like she was some child of the sun. She had puffy hair, only loosely held back with a bandana and she wore a big ass Horde sweater.
“I see you got yourself a pretty little girlfriend right here.” The hands in her pockets, she leaned towards Glimmer. Glimmer took a step forwards, her face just inches from her own face.
“What do you want?”
“Nothing.” Catra took a step back, smiled like she was an angel. Glimmer hated her. For what she did to Adora, for the fact that she never tried to contact her, for the fact she never apologized.
“Just wanted to wish you good luck. Since we’re going to crush you tomorrow.”
“You won’t.”
“Why? Because you got a little gay love and friendship on your side? Beginner’s luck ends the day beginners turn into failures and your luck will end tomorrow, little princesses.” She laughed, bowed and turned around, went down the hallway, laughing.
She turned her head a little, to look at them.
“Bye, Adora.” Then she turned right and left them with anger and worries. Adora cried.
x
Stomping.
Cheering.
They heard their anthem, then the other one. Glimmer felt like running away, but also she felt invincible. She could do it. They could all do it.
“So, we go out there and we will make them bleed. Not literally, Frosta. It’s a metaphor”, she had said earlier, still in the dressing room. “We will fight the Horde and we will win!”
She felt like winning because losing this would be the most shameful thing of all time. She wanted to win, she wanted to see The Horde completely horrified. She wanted their streak of three years to end today.
In a few moments the game would start and she could see Catra grinning. The same anger, the same rage, the same without-and-real-reason-hate she felt for Adora hit her, ten times harder.
“Scared, Princesses?”, Catra asked and Glimmer tried to keep it down. Entrapta giggled and it only made her more furious. She knew, she could’ve prevented all the things that had happened, but Entrapta would only laugh, only giggle. As if friendship didn’t mean a thing, only “fun”.
“You wish”, said Adora, before looking over her shoulder. She smiled at Glimmer. “Let’s crush them.”