Chapter Text
‘Dude, what are you even doing?’ a voice calls out to Sollux as he shuffles down the street.
Any other pissblood walking the streets getting hollered at would keep their head down and walk on by, maybe avoid death and dismemberment when it already looks like it might rain. Sollux should be hurrying home, he can’t afford any kind of raincoat, let alone a proper, acid-proof one.
But Sollux is an idiot.
‘I’m not your dude, guy,’ he says, turning to look the asshole who thinks he can yell at lowbloods just minding their own business, reaching for his glasses like he’s in an East-Alternian animated drama. It’d be a really cool moment, if Sollux’s mouth didn’t drop at the sight of an actual fucking alien leaning on the doorframe of the closest building.
‘Are you an alien?’ Sollux blurts.
‘Huh,’ the guy says. ‘You know, I’ve been doin’ this a while and that’s a first. I guess I wasn’t born on this fuckhole of a planet, my own fuckhole’s way off …’ he gestures vaguely towards the sky, ‘and exploded, for that matter. And it feels real cocky to correct you and say, “actually, most’a y’all call me a god,” so I think I’m gonna go with, hey, my name’s Dave.’
‘Your fuckhole’s where, sorry?’ Sollux says, giggles escaping his mouth and making his lisp return uninvited.
‘Yeah, yeah, laugh it up,’ Dave says. He’s smiling, though. ‘You comin’ inside or what?’
A crack of thunder rolls through the sky and Sollux looks down at his bare arms. Well, the similarities to the start of a concupiscent film or not, he doesn’t want his skin to melt off. He walks inside, pretending that he’s fine with Dave not even slightly moving out of the way. He has to pass so close he can feel the heat off his skin … and not many trolls feel hot to Sollux.
‘Are we in a hearts temple?’ Sollux asks, looking around.
‘Yup,’ Dave says. ‘Kinda can’t leave. I mean, not this one specifically, I’m keyed into all of them and there’s the gen-quad ones thank fuck ‘cause I’m lowkey codependent on the other guys, so …’
‘How does that work? Magic or tech?’
‘Is there a difference?’
Sollux shrugs and puts his hands in his pockets. He looks back at Dave. For an alien, or a god, whichever, he’s pretty … boring looking. Like someone’s applied a pink and white texture pack to an arrogant lowblood and couldn’t be fucked figuring out what horns suited them so they just left them out.
‘So, how’d I get the attention of a god?’ Sollux asks.
‘By fucking up under my domain,’ Dave answers seriously.
He moves until he’s right in front of Sollux, so fast he blurs, and then puts a guiding hand in the small of his back so he can walk them both towards some chairs. He pulls one out for Sollux, who rolls his eyes and sits, and then sits in the other, unbuttoning his suit jacket so it doesn’t bunch up.
‘What did I do?’ Sollux asks.
‘What do I look like, moirallegiance?’ Dave says. ‘I don’t know what you did man, I just know you were producing some outrageously delicious hearts for me to eat and they got fuckin’ sour on me tonight. Here’s me, snackin’ on the vibes you’re sending out into the world like it’s a big ol’ bowl of cheetos and here’s you somehow swapping it out for I don’t know, little rabbit shits or something. It’d be funny if you’d have done it spades-ways, but you did it to me, so it’s not.’
Sollux continues to stare blankly at Dave’s shades. He’s not owning up to shit.
‘You wanna play hardball? Fine, just tell me who you were with tonight.’
‘Just some girl,’ Sollux says.
‘Fuckin’ hell, was I ever like this?’ Dave says, tipping his head back to ask the roof. ‘Can I get a name, please?’
‘Terezi,’ Sollux answers reluctantly. Reluctant because as has been recently pointed out to him, he can’t say her name without smiling.
It’s a bullshit reaction that means nothing, TZ is cool to hang with and all, but she’s teal, she’s got no business with a loser like him and even if she did, he’s got more important shit to do with his time than pail someone who believes in the glory of an empire that’s gonna sentence him to a long and painful death. Fucking tealbloods. He should have stopped talking to her the second he saw her font colour.
‘Well that was adorable,’ Dave says. ‘Smiling suits you, bro.’
‘Shut up,’ Sollux says, intelligently.
Dave smiles at that, a slow, easy smile that makes Sollux look away. He doesn’t need any of that.
‘So what’s the probs? She too good for you? ‘Cause like …’ Dave gestures at Sollux’s general trollhood.
‘Wow, rude?’ Sollux says.
‘When you’re as pretty as I am, you can kinda say whatever you want to people,’ Dave says with a kind of self-deprecating smile. ‘Not that you’d know anything about that.’
Sollux laughs despite himself and zaps Dave’s fingertips. Dave flinches a bit and stares at his hand.
‘Was that you? Sick!’
Sollux zaps Dave again, this time on the nose. Dave sneezes three times in a row, nearly falling out of his chair with the absolute theatrics with which he sneezes.
‘Oh man,’ Dave says once he recovers. ‘You’re totally gonna get it now.’
Sollux realises belatedly that maybe he shouldn’t have mildly electrocuted a literal deity.
But instead of smiting him with whatever powers a heart god might have (sounds pretty lame even in Sollux’s head) Dave just pushes the table back and full-body tackles Sollux out of his chair. They land pretty softly, Sollux doesn’t even bump his head and that’s got nothing to do with his psionics because he remembers he can fly only after he’s ended up on his ass, and then he can’t reach them to fling Dave off because Dave’s fingers are tickling him just below his grubscars and he has no control over anything.
Sollux hates his laugh, it’s high pitched and he snorts and he has never told anyone he’s ticklish exactly because of how fucking effective this is, but it’s hard to feel self conscious when the issue of breathing through his giggles is more pressing.
Dave stops of his own accord and Sollux realises that he was laughing too, just quieter. Dave falls onto his back on the floor next to Sollux and they catch their breath together. Sollux can feel Dave’s hand almost touching the backs of his fingers and he’s tempted to hold it.
This is a weird fucking night.
Might as well talk about his feelings.
‘I pity her,’ he admits.
‘Mmhmm,’ Dave says.
‘She’s this tiny tealblood who licks people and laughs like the devil and she can’t handle spicy food and even I can beat her in an arm wrestle and she thinks she’s actually going to change the way Alternia is.’
‘Who says she isn’t?’
‘No one changes Alternia except the Empress.’
Dave sighs.
‘I know what it’s like to love someone who’s a hero,’ he says. ‘Fuckin’ terrifying. Never had a cause of my own but damn if I wouldn’t die for theirs.’
‘I’d make a shitty martyr,’ Sollux says. ‘I’d complain the whole time, guaranteed. You don’t hear of Sign—uh … actual martyrs … doing that.’
Dave laughs under his breath and pulls a necklace out from under his suit. Well shit, that’s ballsy. Who would make something with that symbol on it?
‘That dude loved the shit out of his babes. Told the filthiest jokes, too. He actually did complain a lot, but it didn’t have any weight to it ‘cause he kept on getting himself in danger. Psii, now he complained. Kan kept telling him to fuck off and enjoy his freedom then but he wouldn’t. They don’t put that shit in the songs, you know? Can’t have people that big feeling exactly the fuckin’ same as every other person, even though that was Kan’s point to begin with. Y’ever get it in your head to pity every god damn troll that exists, you can join the club Kan and I started. It’s called the “Fuck Alternia” club, ‘cause we fuckin’ hate it just as much as we love it.’
Is that what it means to be the god of hearts? Sollux shudders with the knowledge that there’s no way he can relate to the alien lying next to him like they’re stargazing.
‘So, you ran away from the firecracker?’ Dave asks.
‘Make me sound like a coward …’ Sollux mutters. ‘Am I an idiot?’
‘Duh. But that’s kinda my domain.’
‘Being an idiot?’
‘Being scared shitless and doing it anyway.’
Sollux sits up. Dave copies. For a split second, Sollux thinks Dave’s about to kiss him. But then he recovers and gets to his feet. He helps Dave up and only freaks out about their hands touching a little bit. Fucking hell, he absolutely has a crush on him.
‘I’m gonna apologise,’ Sollux says. ‘Do you think it’ll work out?’
‘Babe, she’s known you a while, right? I think she’s probably somewhat used to you being a jackass.’
Sollux punches Dave and walks to the door.
‘Take this,’ Dave says, holding out an umbrella. ‘It’s not perfect, but it’ll see you home if it’s still drizzling.’
‘Thanks,’ Sollux says awkwardly.
‘You ever wanna practice kissing, I will hundo percent answer that prayer.’
Sollux zaps Dave on the nose again and leaves while he’s still sneezing. He smiles all the way home.