Chapter Text
The Beat of My Heart, Or Lack of Thereof
Chapter 02:
The cabin of the cab was silent and I preferred it that way. The only thing between the cab driver and I had been the address of the resort I was delivering to and pleasantry of the evening. I was sarcastic, but not raised in a barn after all. I watched the landscape blur past the car or vice-versa as I felt the glass nice and steady against my head leaning on it. It was slushy and bitterly cold so I had to wear an actual coat to blend into the human world. Chefs were convenient because they liked meeting after the sun had set in most cases making my cover flawless. Most of my clients would seek me instead of the other way around so I was pretty much left to arrange a time and they’d agree with it. I would usually correspond with the client as much as I could in the design phase of the project so that I could get a feel for what they really wanted versus what was practical and they needed. I often asked for schedules, types of cuisine, preferred cuts, and preferred product to work with. Things like if they used anything frozen versus fresh could make a huge difference in how the knife would be developed.
This case in specific was a first for me because the knives that had been ordered were a surprise gift for the chef and the kitchen staff. They had qualified for a prestigious event and the management was so excited and proud they wanted to let the kitchen staff know it with what I had made. I had to gather as much information as I could from the Maitre’D and the lead server. The line cooks all received colour coordinated standard Silus series 8-inch knives which I had forged in double tempered steel to meet their prepping needs. For the Sous Chef I had carved a maple wood handle to accompany the Vond Series cleaver that could finesse cuts but would also cut through a rack of ribs like it was its business. Partially because it was its business. I had curiously looked up Chef Selene L. Hollenstein within the competition website but to no avail, since there was no picture available.
I chuckled amusingly myself noting the signs indicating that the next exit held the much-anticipated resort. I had the last knife set aside which was the main piece of the project. It was a one of a kind blade I had forged just for this specific chef. The staff and management had nothing but amazing things to talk about the woman. Apparently, this chef was caring but firm, a perfectionist but forgiving, driven beyond what any of them had previously seen and self-giving to the end for the loyalty of her kitchen, therefore, they needed something as unique as her. I took to task concentrating on the information I had of them. They were short, energetic, commanding and a natural leader. This Chef didn’t use frozen items, often getting the freshest ingredients available for her dishes. Even after the firmest toughest services, she’d make sure her kitchen and the wait staff had a drink paid for waiting for them at the end of their shift to unwind. Staff meal was called family meal and front of the house as well as the back of the house would sit to eat together in a break from duties between services. This made for a very driven but fun team.
It was the type of person I wanted to make a knife for. I could see a woman breaking barriers in her industry and doing it by being supportive instead of demonizing her staff and co-workers. That was rare in the industry and truly remarkable and worthy of celebration. I had looked forward to the trip when the management insisted I delivered them personally. Apparently, the Chef was a fan of my work, I could appreciate that.
Before I knew it, the cab had stopped in front of a gate for a huge manor looking estate. The prestigious resort was well known for its privacy so the cab rolled down the back window where the security guard’s face popped into view with a smile.
“Welcome to Thornville Manor, may I see your invitation?” the fit brunette man asked as I read his name tag while producing the paper accompanied by my business card.
“I’m here to meet with the Food and Beverage Manager Silvia Celeste. My name is Carmilla Karnstein, I’m from Le Fanu Designs and she’s expecting me.” I announced as he lit up.
“Certainly Miss Karnstein, if the driver would graciously leave you at the side entrance, I’ll gladly settle his bill upon his exit.” The man named Gerard assured as I nodded and tapped the cabbie on the shoulder for a quick exit.
The night was still clear enough that I could make most of the lavish Manor that reminded me of my time with Mother and my dear sister. The gardens and forest surrounding it reminding me of times that involved hide and seek in the moonlight or hunting together in the forest. I missed Mattie so much it was almost as painful as Laura’s absence. I wanted nothing more than to throw myself into my sister’s arms and weep for the love I had lost. I was finally happy and now it was all gone. I shook my head of the thoughts as I saw whom I suspected was Miss Celeste waiting eagerly to greet me.
The cab pulled up to her and I noticed that the woman was tall, with a half-shaved head of black hair accompanied by a dress suit of navy blue and red accents. She looked like professionalism and queerness all rolled into one and my trademark smirk slapped itself in my face involuntarily. I waved the cabbie a goodbye as Miss Celeste opened the door for me. I shook her hand as I stood from the cab and motioned for her to give me pause before I banged on the cab’s side and it popped the trunk open where the other two rolling cases were stored containing the team's knives. The satchel across my chest with the Chef’s knife set heavy with the responsibility of the package. With a wave of her hand the woman motioned for the bellhops to grab the cases which I let them but when one made a move for the one on my chest I shook my head.
“I’d like to hold on to the Chef’s knives until delivery, thank you.” I mentioned as Celeste waved the bellhops away.
“I’d like to formally introduce myself, I’m Silvia Celeste, you may call me Silvia welcome to Thornville Manor Miss Karnstein. It’s a great honour to have Le Fanu Designs in the premises.” The woman raved in earnest as I chuckled and shook her hand again.
“You’re too generous; I’m just here for safe delivery. It’s always nice to see the recipient's face’s when they see the results of a custom job.” I admitted as the woman nodded as she led us inside the walls of the resort. The compound was all tied to the Manor which served as commons, kitchen and restaurant as well as the ballrooms and entertainment galleries. The rooms were attached to the main building by enclosed courtyards leading to the villas that held rooms for housing. It was a beautiful set up to see before getting jolted into reality by the host tugging at my coat for coat check. I graciously slipped out of it but hanging on to the knife set I adjusted my leather jacket with the satchel hanging off one shoulder like a quiver. They had told me about a dinner, which is why I had selected my finest tailored leather jacket which hugged me in all the right places with sleeves a bit higher than my wrist donning a silver long sleeve shirt/dress along with black leather pants and boots. It was as formal as I could get without a suit.
“As discussed, the kitchen staff is to receive the knives tonight at the celebratory dinner that will be held for them in the 4th-floor ballroom. I absolutely love your style, I know the kitchen will certainly appreciate it. They hate things being too formal.” Celeste joked and I nodded with a smirk as she led the way to the elevators.
“When should I present myself? I don’t want to intrude in this dinner.” I mentioned hoping for a quick exit.
“Non-sense, you’re an honoured guest. In the spirit of the surprise, we have disguised the knife gifting ceremony with a visit from you instead. As mentioned in the correspondence the Chef is a big fan of your work and she was more than thrilled to learn that we had made contact with you to attend the dinner.” Silvia explained as we took the elevator to the 4 th floor.
“I’m quite complimented to know the Chef and the kitchen have heard of my work,” I admitted as Silvia chuckled.
“Quite modest but you’re probably an artist of the year in the field of the culinary arts and you’re not a chef! I don’t believe many have been this successful. Your work only lets ours become much much easier. If I have a happy Chef, I have a happy kitchen. When that happens, I have happy customers and happy bosses, it’s all a chain and you start it with such magnificent products.” Silvia raved and I felt myself blush if I could.
“I do the best I can with that.” I admitted as the elevator stopped and she led us out of the lobby area and across double doors to the ballroom.
“Just follow me and I’ll introduce you to the kitchen manager who can introduce you to the staff. I need to excuse myself to verify the status of the activity and grab your payment as well.” Silvia instructed as I nodded and did as asked.
I did as she instructed and followed her taking the Champagne flute she had offered me as I walked behind her. The ballroom was spacious and glamorous filled with decorations and great music making a good atmosphere. The vibrant people were out in full swing but the ballroom was not crowded. I could tell this was the kitchen staff because of their casual laid-back demeanour talking to each other. That casualty didn’t extend to drinking in which their expertise showed just as well as the Ottawa and Toronto chefs. The truth was the Industry was its own clique and with such came certain characteristics that were the same no matter where I was. It put me at ease in the big room filled with people, I hated big events and quite frankly would’ve politely declined being put on the spot in such a way but this was a big contract and I wanted to meet the Chef.
Even though her likeness wasn’t online her plates were and boy did it look amazing. I had a policy to always before or after meeting the chef I was designing for no matter what. It was a personal goal. A promise I had made in what seemed like a lifetime ago. I almost remembered it, lost in my own memories; but Silvia broke me out of my thoughts with an introduction.
“This is our kitchen manager Kolton, he’s going to take it from here.” Silvia introduced me to a young blonde man in a short haircut and a crisp suit.
The guy pushed his black-rimmed glasses up before shaking my hand firmly with a smile. I reciprocated really liking his vibe and gave him the closest I could muster to a smile.
“Hello there Miss Karnstein, it’s an absolute pleasure to meet you.” He smiled as I nodded surprised he knew me on sight. “How was the drive?”
“It was good to see the changes, very amusing.” I admitted as he nodded in approval.
“I hope you enjoy yourself tonight. I know it’s a job and we might be just another client but Chef Selene truly loves your work. She will be over the moon over your appearance and her new set” Kolton explained with a wink and I chuckled. “Besides it’s an open bar, so help yourself please.”
I nodded grabbing another flute of Champagne from a passing waiter and finished gulping down the first one. As much as I liked meeting and conversing with chefs, the way they talked about this one made me nervous. It made me feel like this person had put my work in a pedestal and I wasn’t quite sure if I would mount up to much of what her idea of me could be. I had fans of my work before, but this one was quite the build-up. Driving all the way to Jasper had been lovely, a trip I owed to myself for a long time so I took it on the spot, but in reality, I was now nervous for business reasons. This Chef going to Gold Medal Plates with my hardware was a huge power move and one I knew my Mother, Mattie would’ve and LaF plus Perry had endorsed. By the end of my rambling mind, the second flute of Champagne was gone and I needed something stronger.
“Kolton, you said open bar?” I asked the young guy as he beamed me a smile.
“Hell yes, cannot have a kitchen staff party without an open bar. Right, this way Miss Karnstein.” He instructed and I started walking with him.
“Call me Carmilla please, the titles make me feel like I’m in the 16 th Century.” ‘ All over again my mind’ finished for me.
“Thanks, we’re really casual around here, it’s just your visit is something of a big deal to Selene and the team. They’re mostly into their own conversations and haven’t really noticed you, but when they do…” the man smiled and looked over his co-workers with longing.
It was nice, you could see he cared about the team, he wanted to see the surprise and awe in their faces and I could respect that. When I had started in the knives business in Ottawa and I was introduced to the Industry I learnt more and more about the families you could create within it. People who you’d spend 12 hours with and still at the end of the night you wanted to have a smoke, a drink a meal with. This was definitely a family more than a team and if I was their prize, then so be it. I got pulled away from my thoughts as the bartender put the shot of bourbon in front of me accompanied by my beer.
“Wow Kolton I thought I was wrong but Google says I’m not! Look at that, Carmilla Karnstein in the flesh!” the guy approaching us mentioned with an amused look and sultry green eyes.
It was like the cat within me arched its back and hissed at this buzzcut brunette hair and short trimmed beard with a cocky smile. I stood straighter than I usually did give him a low look with ‘uninterested’ written all over my face while I leaned my elbows against the bar and leaned against it bored.
“Hello,” I stated in a breezed passing while the guy’s eyebrows shot up in challenge.
“Dave, I thought you were manning the kitchen today…” Kolton asked incredulously as the wheels in his head twisted taking in his chef whites and black pants in contrast to everyone’s attire.
“Yeah, I don’t get to party being from the sister company and all.” Dave spoke to me but I didn’t acknowledge him, instead, I shot back my bourbon and grabbed my beer to sip on toying with the leather strap of the knife set on my back.
“David! What is going on!?” Kolton demanded in a stern voice getting the cook’s attention as his head snapped with snark at the manager.
“Sous sent me to get some pheasant from Chateau and when I came back Sous and Chef were arguing about a dish. Sous said some juicy personal stuff like did you know that when they sit at home Sous tries to get all frisky and--”
“David! Only pertinent details!” Kolton advised as I raised an eyebrow at these developments and counted myself amused.
“Well long story short Chef kicked Sous out of the kitchen and sent me for a smoke break while she took care of things.” The man finished as Kolton’s face fell.
“No… no, no, no this night was for her! Oh, damn it!” Kolton admonished as he ran a hand through his blonde hair in thought. “Go find Sous and call me back.”
With that order and a shit-eating grin with a comment about the happiness of being out of the kitchen the guy left. I sipped my beer thinking this party had gotten a whole lot more interesting. It seemed like the Chef and Sous were dating and in my honest opinion that always caused tension in the kitchen. I had only met 3 couples in my travels that made a kickass team. My favourite was a pair of wives that I met in Ottawa who one was the Executive and her wife were the Sous in a small beachside restaurant in the Caribbean. This relationship seemed like had just spiced up the whole kitchen with a visitor crew present.
“Excuse me Carmilla, I have to go check on this.” Kolton explained and I pushed off the bar.
“By all means, lead the way.” I smiled and he flashed me one back with worry. “No sweat, I’ve seen my share of kitchen arguments. I broke up two brothers fist fighting on the line because of a hockey argument once… so no sweat I won’t judge. Just want to meet the chef and deliver her new knives in case she needs them at this very second.”
Kolton looked relieved and with a nod, he started walking towards the elevators as I followed him. I could see him texting rapidly on his phone various numbers. ‘I cannot believe this is about the Elk!’ Kolton mumbled sparking my curiosity. I stayed quiet and admonished myself for not grabbing another beer before following since this one was about done. When we arrived at the 2 nd floor I could hear the familiar bustling of the kitchen and the clanking of plates, pots, spoons among shuffling bodies and orders. The woman’s voice was raspy from use but the tone made my heart ache with longing. It wasn’t the first time I heard someone that sounded like her.
“I want the scallops nice and caramelized for that our d'oeuvres that are about to come out Charlie.”
“Yes, Chef!”
“And Nikkolai, I guess if you have to buy some more time for the roasted pheasant entrée then start plating the roasted Pork shank and have Eric help you with the Pan Seared Trouts. I reckon that would give you enough time to supplant the Elk gravy for Beef Jus on the main entrée.” I heard the Chef explain as we rounded the corner and I could see her leading the service.
Her back was towards us and what a back it was. Her dress had an open back even though it was a simple silver cocktail dress with quarter sleeves. It showed off her body amazingly, her toned arms and defined legs were on display with her black pumps while a white trimmed black vest lay gingerly on the prep table beside her. Her neck was regal while her hair was held up in a perfect bun to keep away from the food it’s bright colour subdued by the hair tie. I heard her call out more orders in a commanding voice that was a stark contrast to her small stature. I knew already I was going to enjoy handing this knife set over to its rightful owner.
“So this IS about the Elk!” Kolton noted from behind her as I watched the tiny chef spin around and face us.
If my heart could’ve stopped again it would’ve because I was frozen on the spot. I couldn’t form a single coherent thought or reason within my mind as I blatantly stared at the woman in front of me. She gave me a smile and I quivered with a shiver so powerful the feline within me roared in approval. I wasn’t sure how to move again but I forced myself to offer her my hand as her eyes lit up upon the realization that I was standing in front of her. She was my fan? I pondered as I felt the warm soft hand in mine while I fought tears back to not make a fool of myself.
“It’s an absolute pleasure to meet you Miss Karnstein. I’ve been a fan of your craft since I tried one of your knives in a seminar in Ottawa.” She spoke and I swallowed the lump deep in my throat while my chest felt heavy as if on fire.
“Oh, are you from Ottawa?” I tried to compose myself. ‘ There was no way, no literal way. I had seen her fall.’
“As far as I know I’m natively from Oshawa, moved to Jasper with my parents when I was two and never left home I guess. I travel a lot with my work though, so it’s nice to look around the country, I visited Ottawa on a seminar and went by Knifewear. You’re an absolute legend.” She rambled in a way that made me look away as I felt my heart break all over again.
“Chef!” one of the cooks got her attention and I looked away while I grabbed at my chest remembering how to breathe.
“Kolton is there a bathroom in this level?” I asked as composed as I could feel the last shreds of my sanity begin to dissipate.
“Out the kitchen doors to the right.” He explained before I took off.
“Come on Selene, it’s your celebration too! Gold Medal Plates is a big deal--” Kolton’s voice begged gently lower as I got away.
When I crossed into the bathroom I held onto the sink for dear life as I dry heaved before throwing up on the sink. The whirlwind of emotions and alcohol now hitting me full force had to be the only reasonable explanation as to why I was seeing Laura Hollis’ face on this Selene chef. My hands trembled as I washed the sink, my mouth and my face over and over again to no avail. I dried my face and fixed my makeup before dipping my hand into the inside pocket of my jacket and pulling out my electric cigarette. I preferred a conventional way to manage my anxiety but this was like the epi-pen of my situation. Without much ado, I took a big rip and then another. I shook my head trying to get ready to come out but I felt my resolve shake as I remembered how her hand felt in my own. So familiar, so recognized and perfect in every way.
My hands trembled as I decided to take another puff for good measure in the hopes that it would help me think clearer and let me see this person for who it really was. Before I could muster up the courage to come out the door swung open and there she was in the flesh. She looked up and her face lit up with a shy seductive smile that I was way too familiar with. Now with her gorgeous hair down as it fell in waves around her shoulders, I could see there was no mistake at all. This was Laura unless Mr. Hollis had another daughter long lost twin that I had no idea about.
“There you are…” she spoke and I recognized the bubbliness of her nervousness well within the tone. “I didn’t know if I had spooked you, I’m a little intense when I first meet people, at least my girlfriend seems to think so…”
“Girlfriend?” I peeped horrified at the insane flare of jealousy that filled my very being.
I watched her rinse her hands thoroughly before grabbing the paper towel deliberately letting my question linger in the air longer than needed. I wondered if perhaps she was thinking of lying to me. The fact was that no matter how much she looked like Laura, it seemed she didn’t remember me at all. Or at least she hadn’t made any comment towards it. I found the situation peculiar and I couldn’t understand what was going on but I could identify something very clearly in the room; her heartbeat. She was alive and well it seemed on the other side of Canada with no recollection whatsoever or who I was or how much it pained me and relieved me to see her here.
“Yeah, we sort of had a fight tonight. We’ve been fighting a lot lately… since we got announced that we’d have this party. I wanted everything to be perfect but a bit of an incident delayed my menu of choice and--” she fell silent and her cheeks took that embarrassed rosy tone I absolutely adored. I wanted nothing more than to close the distance between us and kiss her.
“I must be boring you, I’m so sorry for intruding… wow, I just cornered you in the ladies bathroom. Way to go Hollis!” she chuckled embarrassedly as my whole body went numb at her words.
“Why… why did you just call yourself Holis?” I asked trying not to freak her out or myself more.
“My girlfriend calls me all sort of things.” She shook her head with a giggle before she reached for my e-pen and took a long drag of my herbal oils.
Immediately I was filled with the need to cross the distance between us so I did. I was so close I could smell her delectable aroma coated by the copper smell of her blood rising to the surface. She didn’t flinch or move and much less pull away as I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Her eyes met mine and for a second I felt like I could feel my heart beating again.
“Well, what can I call you?” I asked with a low raspy voice. My body just responded differently to this woman.
“The crew calls me Chef or Chef Selene… Kolton calls me Hollenstein… What do you have for me?” she asked in a challenge.
“I’ve got knives for you, Creampuff.” I smiled in a Cheshire cat manner as her smile mirrored my own.
“Are you serious?” she gasped without hiding her enthusiasm as she jumped up and down before throwing her arms around me.
I melted into the embrace as I hugged her earnestly as well, missing the way she fit in my arms. She smelled even better up close and her body was as amazing as I remembered it. She didn’t look a day over 25 and I wondered what was going on that made all of this possible. I would have to call LaF and apologize for laughing at the Time-Warp/Vortex of energy theory later. Joking aside, as confused as I was I couldn’t help but how I acted around her, never could anyway. I had begged the gods for another minute with her and here she was. When she pulled away she looked away bashfully as she fiddled with the elegant blazer over her shoulders.
“Sorry, I get carried away when I get excited.” She explained and I nodded. “Let’s get out of the bathroom so it’s more sanitary.”
Outside I watched her lead me into her office where she had three computers hooked up to a tower with books, papers, drawings and post-its all around. Embarrassedly she cleaned a bit before stacking her laptops and then she nodded for me to show her the knives. I finally pulled the quiver-like canvas from my back and rolled it open to reveal an exquisite set of carved wood and steel. I had made the knife with the tempered steel of a Mac series I used to love in my days in Ottawa. It was firm yet elegant like I had been told the Chef was. I was aware that Laura had been that way but this woman in front of me wasn’t quite Laura was she?
“Oh wow, they’re beautiful…” she whispered filling me with warmth at the thought of her approval.
“That is a custom design based on the Mighty MAC made with chromium, molybdenum, vanadium high carbon steel alloy and the hilt was carved out of a combination of Cedar and Wolf Bone since I heard you use ingredients from the land.” I explained as she inspected my work with excitement.
“This is unbelievable. You have to let me cook for you. I insist you need to let me inspect my new knife. My satisfaction is, indeed, guaranteed, right?” she asked in a flirtatious tone as I chuckled.
“Indeed, but the kitchen seems busy.” I admitted as she shook her head looking about the kitchen.
“They’ve got it. Let’s go.” She declared and with that, she rolled up the knives, shouldered them and grabbed my hand before tugging us out through the stairs.
I felt a rush within me I hadn’t felt for years, it was exhilarating and I wanted more of it in heaps. It had been with Laura that I had ever felt most alive heartbeat or not, and right now was no different. It was the adrenaline of her presence accompanied by the unknown that awaited us ahead. At college it was the never-ending plethora of paranormal beings, now it seemed to be dinner services and knives. I could deal with that in the moment if I didn’t allow my mind to wonder to what was really going on beneath the surface.