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Tony ended up in Jotunheim, because of course he did.
The first hint that he wasn't in Kansas anymore was when even in the armor, with the heating systems on full blast, the biting cold was harsh enough to have his teeth clattering in seconds. The distinctly icy-blue cast that everything had to it definitely helped, too.
Over the years, Thor had spoken at great lengths about his fights in Jotunheim, regaling them with stories of bloody battles and snowy landscapes. Tony had never expected to actually end up there, though. Much less because of a blonde witch that wore too much green and could apparently not aim properly, because she'd hit Tony when the actual target was Thor.
Still, it could have been anywhere, really, if not for the three tall -- and he meant tall as in giant -- blue, mostly naked frost giants staring at him in befuddlement.
Tony hesitated because it was really very cold. But he also thought that the confusion could probably turn into aggression at any moment, so he ignored the part of his brain that told him what a very bad idea it was to open his helmet, and did just that.
He smiled widely as the perplexed expressions turned into small frowns.
"I come in peace!" he said, holding his arms out wide as if to show he held no weapons, even if he was wearing a very advanced one. Hopefully, they wouldn't know that. And hopefully, Thor had been exaggerating when he'd talked about how bloodthirsty frost giants were.
When the words got him no reaction, Tony hurried on, since his lips were already going numb after only about ten seconds in the open air, and his neck was developing a crick from looking up at their faces.
"I'm also freezing, so if we could get out of the wind somehow, that would be great."
The frost giants looked at each other, then back at him, then turned around and started walking off.
For lack of other options, Tony closed his helmet and followed them.
The king of Jotunheim took one look at him and growled, "Midgardian."
Tony tensed the tiniest bit, readying himself for a sign of aggression. When it didn't seem like one was coming, he decided that the growl probably wasn't of the angry variety, but of the everything-sounds-like-a-growl-because-I-have-a-gravelly-voice one. That was a relief.
Tony didn't relax anyway.
It might have been because if he relaxed, he was pretty sure his whole body would start shivering uncontrollably. Instead, he waved a hand that he would deny until his dying day was shaking just slightly from the cold. "Yeah, Midgardian. That's me."
"He is not made for these temperatures," someone's smooth voice interjected. "Midgardians are… fragile."
Tony would have protested if he wasn't gritting his teeth to keep them from chattering. He did send a glare at the new arrival, never mind that it went unseen since he couldn't exactly lift his faceplate. He'd learned from when he'd done that before -- he preferred his nose un-frostbitten.
As it turned out, even if the faceplate hadn't been in the way, his scowl would have gone unseen, since he apparently didn't even warrant a look. When the new person stepped into view, his full attention was on the king. There wasn't even a glance in Tony's direction as he spoke.
"He will freeze to death as soon as he steps out of his shell."
Calling the Iron Man armor his shell was a weird way of putting it, but okay. The freezing to death part was sadly accurate, though.
The king looked at the miniature Frost Giant as if Tony's input was of no importance, anyway. For a few seconds, there seemed to be some sort of silent conversation going on, ending with a sigh and an eye-roll.
"Fine," MFG said, impatient. "But I'm not having a spell pull on my energy for however long he is here simply because Midgard chose to play with powers it doesn't understand."
Tony made protesting noises, but they were ignored even as MFG finally turned to him, a haughty look on his face.
"I am Loptr, crown-prince of Jotunheim," he intoned boredly. "I can transform you so you can withstand the temperatures, if you agree. Or you can freeze to death in that metal cocoon of yours. Make your choice now."
Well, when he put it that way.
Still, Tony squinted distrustfully. "You'll be able to undo it later, won't you?"
The expression on Loptr's face was almost offended. "Of course I can," he said, glaring. "What sort of halfwit do you take me for?"
"Sorry, sorry!" Tony backpedaled because the ire on Loptr's face seemed bad enough that he might actually just walk away and leave Tony to the cold, after all. "I'll take the transformation, thank you."
There was a haughty sniff, and it was only what Tony assumed to be an admonishing glance from the king that had Loptr shed his offended air. He did roll his eyes strongly enough that his whole head moved, however. It was a move so overly-dramatic, Tony couldn't help the smirk thankfully hidden behind his lowered faceplate.
"You will have to step out of your armor," he was told and was about to protest when his words were waved away unceremoniously. "I will cast a temporary spell so the cold does not affect you, but it is no durable solution. It will be enough while I transform you, however."
Tony hesitated, then shrugged and figured, what the hell. He was out of the suit a few seconds later.
There was some hand waving and then green mist started swirling around until it enveloped him. Tony instinctively braced himself for… something, tensing in expectation of pain or discomfort, or anything, really.
Nothing happened. The green mist dissolved.
Tony looked at Loptr, only to find him already walking away without another word, and Tony started to protest because they weren't done, nothing had happened. Loptr had said that the warmth spell was temporary, and Tony didn't want to die in this cold, he couldn't--
What came out of his mouth were not words, because his vocal cords did not seem to want to agree with him. He tried to take a step forward, only to stumble and fall because his legs did not work as he expected them to.
Loptr turned back to him with a glint of amusement in his eyes, though his voice was carefully modulated as he spoke.
"You will have our hospitality until you can return to your home realm. I suppose it will be better that way. The wild-life would no doubt be too dangerous for you, unaccustomed as you are to it-- and your new form."
Tony squawked, a sound that actually translated pretty well.
Lips twitching, Loptr waved his hands once more and the green mist reappeared around his long fingers.
"I suppose you would like to see what you look like now."
A mirror solidified in his hands and he aimed it so Tony could see himself in it, laughter in his expression but not in his voice. Tony made a vaguely honking noise in outrage. There was nothing else he could do, really.
Mostly because he looked like the spitting image of a penguin, if a particularly tall one.
Loptr smirked.
"Don't worry," he said, though his tone belied his placating words, the amusement finally plain to hear now. "You will be returned to your form before we send you home."
And then he left.
The fucker.
"So, do I want to know why you came back being able to turn into a penguin?"
"Seriously, do you want me to melt down your shield?"
"I'm just saying. A penguin doesn't really give you a tactical advantage, does-- where are you going? Tony? Tony, put down my shield right this instant!"