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“Barbara Ireland before she moved to Florida, she got rid of all her books. I could no sooner get rid of this book than I could…” Francine had been saying in the background before she noticed her mother wasn't paying attention to her. Instead, she had been engrossed on the photo album in her hands. “Well, it looks like I'm not the only one getting nostalgic.”
“You've had such a wonderful life.”
“I like to think so. I just wished you... you know, that you could have been there for more of it.”
“So did I.”
After more than a month of living together they finally got around the memory boxes they both had to try and organize it all in a big wall facing the living room.
“Remember that?” Francine pointed at a picture “Nineteen fifty-four I was junior in college. That's the last photo I have of you.”
“Well, when you've seen one, you've seen 'em all.”
Francine laughed “That’s true” she said between chuckles before she realised “That was true.” She said with a smile but was met with concern on Andrea’s face when the woman finally registered what she had said.
“What’s wrong?”
“I…”
“What is it?”
“I’m worried about Miranda. About us.”
“Has she said something?”
It had been a little bit more than a month since she got out of the hospital. At first, the deal was to take things slowly, adjust to this new part of both of their lives. Of course, after the twins and Francine joined in, the deal fell short.
“No, but… I don’t know how to do this. I never had this with anyone except you father, and that was a long time ago. I’m afraid I’ll hurt her. I’m afraid she doesn’t know who I truly am and when she realises-”
“There’s gonna be heartbreak.” Francine completed and Andrea nodded.
“Have you talked to her about it?” She asked her mother and Andrea nodded again. “And…?”
“She said don’t overthink it and walked inside her closet.” They both laughed at that, the reaction had been so very Miranda that Francine could perfectly paint the picture. “But I can’t help to think… she knows the woman I’ve made of myself. The woman who would fit today’s society. But what about the real me?”
“You are already overthinking it.” Francine said with a roll of her eyes. Deep down she knew it was a habit Andrea had. If she did not overthink every detail of her life she wouldn’t have gotten this far. But now, now this wasn’t necessary anymore.
“Give her some credit. She’s a smart woman and she chose to be with you. Don’t sabotage yourself like that, mother. This is the real you. You didn’t choose to live this life so far but now you have a choice. Choose happy.”
She never got to this part. It was all so new to her and now she realized it was for Miranda too. And she didn’t need to hide anymore.
Maybe Francine was right. She should stop hiding. She could stop hiding, both from herself and from Miranda, now more than ever.
A breath of fresh air. The pressure in her chest was slowly fading away. She closed her eyes and exhaled, no more hesitation.
What time are you free today? Read the text on the screen of Miranda’s iphone.
Running late. No sooner than 9pm. Why?
No problem. I’m taking you somewhere. (:
Date night?
Date night!
Miranda didn’t realize, but she was smiling like a teenager.
As she made her way to the elevator, Miranda could only think how much she wanted to see the other woman. Never in her life she antecipated encounters like she did with Andrea. Talk about teenage love, Miranda.
Exiting the Elias Clark building, she was met by the sexy brunette leaning over her car.
“Ready to go, ma’am?”
Miranda scoffed at Andrea’s attempt of roleplay.
She didn’t reply, only made her way inside the open door the other woman as holding.
“Where are we going?”
Andrea had been silent the whole time since they moved, focusing on the streets in front of her, thoughts going a hundred miles per hour.
“I’ll understand if you don’t like it.” The sentence only earned a frown from Miranda.
“I was talking to Franny the other day, and I noticed I might be putting some distance between ourselves.” She didn’t mean to, but the end of her sentence sounded almost like a question as if hoping Miranda would tell her she was wrong. That didn’t happen.
“My life has been unbelievable since longer than you can imagine. And I just… I was emotional the other day and… Now I realize how incredibly kind you have been to me, and I have just been too stupid. But I know better now and I just wanted to maybe make it up to you…?” This time she dared to look at Miranda and was met with kind eyes, something she was not expecting.
“Andrea, darling, there’s no need to worry about it. We agreed to take things slow.”
“No, no. I know... It’s just…” This time she had to take a breath and run a hand through her eyes. She didn’t understand why she was so emotional to do this. Why it mattered so much. “I’ve never got this far with anybody…”
And then it dawned on Miranda.
Andrea had relationships along the years but they were always short, planned by her in a way she would not lose control. In a way that both could come out of it unscathed.
Sex was alright as long as it was nothing more than that.
Acquaintances were allowed as long as the friendship didn’t become too intimate.
Everything was planned and executed, until the time to move on came.
But now, with Miranda, she had no guidebook, she didn’t even need to worry about it anymore because turns out her problem had been resolved. And the only way she knew how to live quickly slipped through her fingers.
Miranda reached for one of her hands and squeezed. “It’s all right!” She said, and felt Andrea taking a deep breath. So Andrea drove until they reached the marina and parked just outside a warehouse with some boats docked, still shaking a bit on the inside.
“Hey, Jenny!” A man waved at her from a distance.
“Hello!” She simply replied before making her way around the car to help Miranda.
“Jenny?” Miranda asked as if mocking her, letting herself be guided inside.
“It’s from another time, ok?” Andrea smiled. It was good not having to make excuses anymore.
“What’s this?” Miranda asked as soon as they walked in.
“A place you’ve never been.”
The place was a mess. Old cars everywhere, some covered in thick fabrics. Dust everywhere. This was nothing close of what she was expecting and for a minute she felt annoyed. What was Andrea thinking? She walked around a bit, completely out of place and then turned to Andrea as if saying well, what’s next?
“There’s more here than meets the eye.” Andrea justified before Miranda could complain. “This used to be one of the most popular picture-houses outside the city.”
“A movie theater?” Now she was intrigued.
“Yes.” Andrea started to walk around. “In the 1950s a woman named Mary Elizabeth Woods read about a chemical magnate who had created the drive-in theater in Camden, New Jersey. And, so naturally she made one of her own here. Everyone thought she was crazy as a loon, which she was. She would sleep with anyone who wasn't her husband, and she used to put on these airs like she was better than anyone else. In fact…” She took a breath trying not to offer Miranda more than she was prepared to hear. “Anyway… Because of local ordinances she couldn't have an open-air theater, so she brought all the cars in here. That's the screen, right there!” She pointed above the door they had come in.
“It was spectacular, I imagine.” Miranda breathed out, impressed by all the information.
“Are you ready for the best part?” Andrea asked.
“Sure.”
“Okay. Look up.” She said, pushing a leverage that made the lights go off, only to be replaced by a glow from the ceiling.
Miranda was mesmerized.
“She had photoluminescent filaments installed.” Andrea said from behind her, coming closer to her ear. “They took the time to create the constellations. Isn’t it beautiful?”
“Yes.” Miranda breathed out. She didn’t have words for all of this. She would never imagine this was what Andrea had in store.
Before she could turn to Andrea for a kiss, she noticed the other woman walking towards what she could imagine was a covered car. Pulling all the fabric out, Andrea confirmed it.
“What are you doing?”
“Don’t worry, I had it cleaned out earlier. It’s not going to ruin your design skirt.” She smirked. “C’mon!” She said, hoping inside and offering a hand for Miranda to follow.
As soon as they were both seated, Andrea reached for two glasses from the bottom of the car, along with a bottle of wine, offering it to Miranda, smirk still in her face.
They settled into each other arms after they ran out of wine, and all there’s was at that moment was content and warmth. “Thank you for this.” Miranda said after a while.
“For what?”
“You know what.” Miranda said with a smile before reaching to kiss Andrea on the mouth.
This was better than anything she could’ve expected. Andrea had not only shared with her a story from her past but showed her how it was. Opened up about an experience she knew she could never live again. And all the while thinking of giving her this, sharing the sentiment.
“Why were you so scared to show me all of this?”
“I was afraid you would not like it… That the coin would drop and you would realise I’m ancient.” She joked and earned a laugh from the other woman.
“Don’t be silly.” Miranda said and kissed her again, this time pressing her whole body against Andrea’s side.
For a while they stayed like that until Miranda grew impatient. Wanting more, she begun to move her hand upwards on Andrea’s thigh, feeling the soft skin beneath her fingers. A sigh of contentment coming out of her mouth. Almost reaching her goal between the other woman’s legs, she was abruptly stopped by Andrea’s hand on hers.
“What?” She asked a bit out of breath, mouth swollen.
“The last time I was in this position it was maybe before you were born.” She said, still holding Miranda’s hand and regretting her words the moment they came out of her mouth.
For a moment, both women just stared at each other, not sure how to act after that. It was all fun and games to pretend Andrea was in her late 20s, she looked so. But she wasn’t.
“I’m sorry, Miranda, I- Was that too much?” Andrea suddenly grew desperate, afraid that it had dawned on Miranda how this was not going to work.
“I do not care, Andrea.” Miranda said in a stern voice. “How many times do I have to tell you that? I am not a child that you have to take care of. I am a woman, and an old woman as well.” She took a deep breath to try and calm herself. It would be no good to get into this argument now. “I told you to not overthink this…” She said, gathering her things ready to leave.
“But Miranda…”
“There are no but's. That’s all there is.” Letting go of the hold she was in, Miranda was about to exit the car before Andrea stopped her.
“I’m sorry.” She said, holding Miranda in place. “I- I don’t…” Before she could elaborate more, Miranda kissed her again.
They stared into each other’s eyes until Miranda broke the silence again. “I understand you’ve been through a lot, and I’m not asking you to put this all away. I just want to remind you it’s over. The life you knew no longer applies, Andrea. You can finally pick up from where you left all those years ago.” She said. “Leave this pressure behind.”
Andrea smiled.
“I’m glad you are showing me who you are. But you can also begin to build this new you, the final you. And I do not care if you are 100 years old.”
“I’m 96.” Andrea whispered and Miranda laughed.
“God! I’m dating an elderly.” she said before kissing Andrea again.
Miranda was right. In some way, Andrea had been living based on all the years she had to put behind. She was a product of fear and uncertainties. The only thing reliable to her had been frustration and hurt, knowing she could not get attached to anything or anyone.
Now, things had changed. Andrea could finally live for herself. Experience things that were not an option. And how lucky she was to have Miranda on her side. To have her daughter (even if she knows for a short period of time remaining), and Miranda’s daughters. Their little family.
Andrea finally understood that Miranda couldn’t care less about her age. About the numbers that surrounded their lives. All she cared about was the moments they got to live until the end.
Resuming where they left off before the conversation, Andrea allowed Miranda’s hands to roam all over her body.
“Tell me something I can hold on to.”
“Let go!” Miranda whispered and kissed her again. Right there, below the stars, they made love in the dusty car as a sealed promised that their life together had just begun. For Andrea it was past, present and future united in one act. She found peace between the person she had been, and the person she wanted to be.