Chapter Text
Kahrin looked at the piece of paper in her hand, then back to Stroud’s face. “Nordbotten?”
He nodded but didn’t say anything. He poured wax over several pieces of correspondence, then pressed his signet into each one. She wasn’t sure if he was trying to hide it or not, but she noticed one was to the king of Ferelden, and one to the Commander of the Grey of the same. They were likely related to the paper in her hand—her new orders.
The third was leave paperwork and what looked like orders to Ansburg. Before he folded it she craned her neck to read it. For Hawke.
“You’re sending me to the ass crack of nowhere?”
Stroud set aside his wax and ring. “I am sending you to a remote post where you will patrol alone. It’s a glorified weather lookout. You’ll have little to no oversight. It’s a good post for a trusted Warden. First Warden agrees.”
“Let’s not pretend I’m the most trusted Warden.” She crossed her arms, the letter still in one hand, bobbing up and down as she bounced it.
He gestured to the letters on his desk. “To some, not at all. I suspect there are those who will never forgive you for what you’ve done.” He lifted his shoulders and let them drop. Kahrin held his eyes with her own, her frown deep and brow furrowed. “Least of all, yourself, Warden Cousland.”
He gripped the edge of his desk as if he might push away. “This is a good posting. It’s privacy and responsibility without the eyes of your brothers and sisters constantly on you. Supplies will be delivered every few weeks, and you’ll send your logs back with the wardens who deliver them.” He let out a heavy breath and leaned forward, brushing a finger and thumb over his facial hair. “I did this as a favor. It’s a good place for the Hero of Ferelden to spend her final years. In quiet.”
Kahrin was not a woman often made speechless, even in the years she’d spent at the fortress. Her silence was usually her own choice. She looked at Stroud now, not sure where he’d been hiding this kindness for her. In his mustache, maybe.
“Thank you.”
“Think nothing of it.” He waved a hand as if he’d offered her a glass of water and not a generous posting. “You’ve done excellent work with our mages. I am especially pleased with your work with Warden Hawke.”
Stunned again, she nodded slowly. “She’s a good warden. I didn’t think she’d amount to much but she proved herself.”
“I am impressed with the way you’ve taken her under your wing. I assume you’ve gotten what you need from her.” He looked up as he put his things away. He lifted the leave orders for Bethany and held them out to her.
“I’m sorry?” She took the papers.
“You are not confused. The woman comes from Kirkwall. That is where the mage once under your command is, now.” They both knew his name, she wasn’t sure why he avoided it now. “He convinced me to Join the girl and bring her here. Sending her to you was the best I could do to give you an update on your, shall I say, familial situation.”
Kahrin blinked.
“Take those papers to Hawke. I trust I do not have to further explain what to do. Dismissed.”
Kahrin looked at him as if he were a new person before she turned on her heel and strode out.
Bethany wasn’t difficult to find. Kahrin knew her daily routine, and found her at chow. Kahrin helped herself to a mug of tea before crossing the room towards her. Two junior wardens scurried out of the way to avoid her. taking a seat next to the woman. She slid the papers across the table. “Looks like you’re getting sprung.”
“My sister.”
Kahrin sipped her tea. “Mhm.” She tapped a finger on the table in a staccato rhythm, fear coiling in her belly. They didn’t talk about this, very purposefully. “Tell me about Kirkwall.”
Bethany looked over her papers. “Something’s on your mind. You never want to hear personal things.”
Kahrin shrugged. “So? I’ve been putting up with you for months. I can ask personal questions if I want to. Besides I outrank you. Shut up and talk.”
“I can’t shut up and talk.” Bethany had a smile that dripped mischief, and she turned that on Kahrin now.
“Don’t be a smartass. It’s not cute on you.”
“One, yes it is. Two, admit you like me and I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”
“You know, this was a bad idea. Enjoy your leave.” Kahrin pushed up from the table and started walking out of the hall.
Bethany scurried up behind her, leaving her meal uneaten. “Wait. I apologize. I just thought—“
Kahrin grunted but kept walking, her boots hard on the stones. “You thought this relationship we have meant anything to me other than the joy I find in knocking you into the sawdust.”
Out of the corner of her eye she could see Bethany pull a face. “No.”
“It’s fine.” Kahrin walked faster. “I’m being re-stationed anyhow. Not a moment too soon for either of us. Attachments are a weakness.”
Bethany stopped walking, arms crossed. “You don’t believe that. You can lie and tell me that crap all you want, but you like me, and I know what you want to know, but you’re too afraid of looking like you care about anything to even be nice long enough to ask.”
Kahrin rounded and jabbed a finger through the air towards her. “You will remember who you’re speaking to, Warden Hawke.”
Bethany straightened up, pulling to the full six inches she had over Kahrin. “I do remember. I remember the person who helped me settle in, who made me feel like this might not be the worst thing that happened to me. You might think you’re cold and callous and scary, but you’re not. Whatever happened, you’re still hurting, and I think that teaching me helps that. You might hate the idea of me but you love that you made me proud to be a Warden, and that I look up to you, because being the Hero is not enough.”
Kahrin regarded her for a long time, arms crossed over her chest. Her lips thinned as she tilted her head, a fraction to one side, then the other, considering her words then let a groan. “You’re right.” She sighed. “When you came here you thought you’d lost everything. You needed something to fill that void.”
A stern look crossed Bethany’s face a she held Kahrin’s gaze. “Is that what you did? Fill the holes of what you lost with being a warden?”
Nostrils flared as Kahrin breathed in, then out. “I lost everything I loved until being a Warden was all I had left because I was foolish.” She ran a hand over her hair, resting it on her braided buns. “I am not the person you want to look up to.”
Bethany waved the papers in her hand. “My sister says there’s a little girl living with them. I think she’s six, maybe seven. Dany and her friends help her father take care of her.”
Kahrin didn’t say anything, but her lips parted. Her hands tightened on her own arms.
“I’m not stupid, Warden-Constable. That’s your daughter.”
“I didn’t know—“ She stopped before her voice could crack.
“I know. You wanted to ask but you didn’t.”
She fumbled for words, angry that she couldn’t keep her emotions out of it. “It was easier when I thought they were dead.”
Bethany toed the stones with her boot, looking down. “Do you want me to say anything to them?”
“No. No. Let them live their lives. I don’t have anything to offer.” She closed her eyes and let out a deep breath. When she opened them, she smiled, tight and formal. “Thank you for telling me. Enjoy your leave and your new post. And, well, everything else.”
She didn’t wait for any other response, and strode away.
#
Kahrin knocked on the doorframe of the barracks. The only other warden in the room with Bethany looked up, took one look at her, and quickly excused herself, making her body flat against the door on her way to avoid touching Kahrin at all.
Bethany looked up, a questioning look on her face.
“I suppose you thought you were leaving without saying goodbye. So typical of you to have no respect for your mentor.”
Bethany nodded slowly, a smile fighting to creep over her face, but she kept it mostly hampered. “Oops.”
Kahrin crossed the floor, hands firm on her hips. “Yeah, well. I tried my best to teach you. I only had so much to work with.” She scrutinized her, looking for any flaw to point out, and found none. Not in her uniform, which was smart and clean, not in her hair which was secured, not even in her boots which were well-polished as if for review. Nothing.
“I was an amazing student. You’re going to miss me. I know.”
Kahrin snorted softly, her lips turning up crookedly before she started talking. “It’s going to be weird, going home. People are still going to look at you like the little girl they remember, especially older siblings. But they’re also going to expect you to be able to take point in a fight, look to you for advice. You’re some kind of hero now. There was no Blight there, so you won’t be a celebrity, but you’ll be treated with a reverence that’ll make you want to get out of a crowd fast.”
Bethany laughed, then covered her mouth. “Okay.”
Kahrin straightened the scaled overtunic on Bethany’s robes and sighed. “Wear your uniform whenever you can, or at least most of it, even if you’re drinking in a tavern. People will give you a berth, even templars. Look people in the eye. You’re a warden now, you shrink from nothing and no one.”
“Okay.”
“But don’t start fights. And don’t forget to—“
“I know. Okay.” She smiled, her eyes soft, and stepped back. “You’ve given me everything I need. I’m going to be fine.”
Kahrin rolled her eyes towards the ceiling. “I know. I just don’t know that I will.”
“You will.” Bethany looked down at her with a sigh. “You don’t like being alone as much as you pretend.”
“What do you know?” Kahrin jerked her chin at her.
“Everything you taught me. Thank you.”
Kahrin watched her quietly for a time, the sounds of sparring outside breaking up the silence until she said, “You’re welcome.”
She turned on her heel and left without looking back.