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Matt can’t help but notice it. Everything’s dead silent, like the campus has collectively sucked it up and decided to be responsible for once - now that exam season is on the horizon. This added to the fact that he’s supposed to be reading Nietzsche, means that of course he’s distracted by the slightest thing. But, still, Techie is more than a ‘slight thing’, at least to Matt.
For someone so petite, Techie takes up a huge space in Matt’s life. Matt’s heart clenches painfully just at the thought, his body recoiling from the unfamiliar emotion - he can’t process it, can’t fit it neatly into any of the boxes he’s made in his mind labelled in bright sharpie ‘Happy’, ‘Sad’, ‘Angry’. He needs another, a small box labelled ‘Techie’ in blotchy yellow ink, like the sun. Even Kylo Ren doesn’t have his own box in Matt’s mind, and his fingers go white around the page that he has pinched between finger and thumb. At how impossible that is - and yet he feels it, for Techie.
They’re sitting together, only a stack of textbooks and granola bars between them. They’re so close that as Techie turns the pages of his own textbook or flicking through his iPad, his elbow brushes against Matt’s. Even through his sweater, Matt can feel Techie’s warmth against his own skin like his own personal star, and the words Matt’s supposed to be studying slide from his brain.
College life isn’t easy by any standards. Matt feels like he doesn’t have enough time for anything like he’s always fighting to keep everything in check - his work done, his anger under control, healthy and regular food on his plate. Even surrounded by so many people, Matt had felt completely alone.
Or he had until he’d met Techie.
Techie hadn’t side eyed - or even worse actually laughed at, his Kylo Ren posters. Techie hasn’t stared when Matt tripped over his words or they’d come out in a jumbled stammer. Techie hadn’t mentioned how faded and ill-fitting Matt’s clothes were, so obviously bought from goodwill in the wrong sizes. In fact, Techie has barely said anything, had barely even glanced at Matt. Normally this would upset Matt - send him to the gym for hours to take out his anger on a punching bag. He didn’t like it when people laughed at him, but worst of all was when people were afraid of him.
With Techie though, Matt has known from the start that it wasn’t just him. From first meeting him, even Matt who had never ever been the best at reading people realised that Techie was afraid of everything. He jumped at Matt’s voice, the realtor's voice, a door closing, the shadow of a wardrobe in what would be his bedroom, the sound of birds outside. For once, Matt felt like he didn’t stand out but there was something more. Something brewing in his chest where normally there was only anger. Techie was small, soft and obviously frightened - of what Matt wasn’t sure. He didn’t need saving or protecting, but maybe he could do with some stability and help if he needed it. And that had been when it had started, this feeling that Matt can’t shake.
Lately, they’ve never been out of each other’s orbits, or so it feels. There must be some connection between them, that they both feel Matt thinks, for them to be so tightly wound together. And yet…
He can’t be sure. Techie is nervous and shy, that he’s even worse with people than Matt is, is obvious. So maybe it’s just all the spark of friendship, that Techie feels like he’s got someone to trust. And Matt can’t… it makes his stomach hurt to think about ruining that. He thinks himself in circles.
‘I’m getting a drink,’ he grunts, footsteps heavy as he hurries to escape - to get out of the room, of the little bubble of intimacy that Matt’s afraid will be shattered. Forever, if he asks this one thing of Techie. If he’s wrong...
The kitchen is quiet too, the moon casting it in a sickly pale light, but in here the silence is stifling - taking up all the space and making it difficult for him to breathe. Matt slams the fridge door closed, just to make some noise, the soda cool against his skin. He wonders, pausing for just a moment to glance out of the window to the street below, what Kylo Ren would do. Probably smash up the entire kitchen with his lightsabre, although Matt’s pretty sure this isn’t exactly a viable option.
But, of course, Matt can’t hide forever. His steps are quieter now, his socked feet padding against the carpet as he walks back to the desk. Techie’s on his iPad now, drawing with quick movements of his finger across the screen - something shapeless that Matt is sure will end up as a masterpiece. Techie doesn’t even glance at Matt and his pale hair falls around his face like a curtain so that Matt can’t even see his face. Matt is almost glad, not sure whether he could stand strong in the face of that shy, unsure smile.
Apart from that, it seems like nothing else has changed or even moved. The room is still blanketed in a comfortable silence as Matt sets the remainder of his drink down before he sinks back into his chair.
He’s just about to start reading again, to try and at least have some of it done before his next class when Matt’s eyes catch on it - a little square of yellow peeking out from between the pages of his book, like the morning sun. Matt feels like time is moving in slow motion as he reaches for it, pulling the little yellow post-it note from between the pages of his textbook. The pages snap together again once they are released and Matt pulls the paper up, to look at it.
It has writing across the centre, neat black ink and softly curved letters - nothing out of the ordinary and yet it stops Matts heart for a moment and then sends it fluttering frantically into life again. Everything is ordinary except the words himself. ‘I LOVE YOU.’
‘Techie?’ Matt says, the words sticking in his throat and his mind going blank. ‘What did you… Did you put this here?’ It’s not what he meant to say, but it’s all that he can manage at the moment.
Techie doesn’t answer for a beat, his finger freezing over his iPad and Matt feels like all the air has been sucked from the room. Then so quietly that Matt almost misses it, Techie mutters, ‘Yeah.’
‘I like you, too,’ Matt says after a beat of silence. It’s a smaller word than he feels, the bigger one is lurking over his shoulder but he’s not ready for that yet. It seems more final, to say it outloud rather than write it like Techie had done and so he tucks it away, for another time.
However, it seems like even this is enough for now - Techie moves instantly as if he’s being drawn towards Matt by on a string. Techie’s knees - slim and awkward, bump against the outside of Matt’s thighs, as Techie launches himself into Matt’s lap. Techie’s hands are clammy and cool, sliding across Matt’s face before they draw away - replaced by Techie’s face, that he presses into the crook of Matt’s neck. Techie’s forehead bumps against the curls of Matt’s hair and as Matt slips his hands over Techie’s waist, to pull him closer and closer, he feels the slightest flutter of soft and cool lips pressing against his neck just for a moment, sending a shiver through Matt’s body and drawing a gasp from his lips.
They sit there in silence, sharing each other’s breaths and warmth but it’s comfortable like nothing Matt has felt before. A warmth spreads through Matt’s chest and he tightens his fingers, just slightly, where they still clutch Techie’s small waist.