Chapter Text
“You broke my heart, Jimin.”
“If you do this, you’ll break mine too.”
“I’m sorry… goodbye…”
Jimin’s eyes snap open at the voice in his head, awakening him from his dreams. His heart beats rapidly in his chest and he shuts his eyes tightly, seeing the dream resurface in his mind. It began with him at Incheon airport, completely alone, feeling like he had to hurry. Like he had to run. A sudden overwhelming urge to make it to gate 4A as soon as possible had swallowed him whole like lips to a cup of coffee. It was a feeling that he’s known his whole life; that if he wasn’t fast enough, worthy enough —good enough— he was going to be left behind.
I can’t be alone, he thinks. Not again.
When the deserted gate comes into eyeshot, Jimin pumps his legs faster. But they hurt, and his lungs are running out of air, and his heart feels like if it pumps any more blood throughout his body he will burst. But dying isn’t what he’s afraid of. It’s being abandoned. It’s being betrayed by the person he loves the most.
Just when Jimin thinks he’s made it, thinks he can reach Seokjin in time and convince him to let Jimin come with him, a sudden force field blocks his path. An invisible wall surrounds the entire gate, not letting anybody in or out. Jimin presses against the barrier with his entire body, knowing that the effort is fruitless but still desperate to get to Seokjin. He sees Seokjin’s back turned on him, luggage in one hand and plane ticket in the other, walking away at a steady pace towards the airbridge.
Jimin watches as he turns around and smiles at him, but this does nothing to soothe his aching heart. Instead, Seokjins smile only causes it to swell with fear. Seokjin opens his mouth with grinning lips, and says with a voice that sounds so familiar,
“Goodbye, Jimin.”
For a couple of minutes, Jimin lay there soundlessly, letting his mind and heartbeat calm down. After all, he didn’t want to wake Seokjin, still sleeping softly beside him. Somehow, watching the older man’s chest rise and fall slowly as he dreamed peacefully was enough to put Jimin’s mind at ease. He’s here. He’s lying next to Jimin right now. Jimin had made it on time.
There was a stray piece of hair blocking Jimin’s view from Seokjin’s resting eyes, and he had to hold back the urge to gently move it aside so he could have a better view. Instead, he just lay there next to Seokjin, and let the silence calm his loud thoughts.
There are 7,428,255,023 people in this world. Seven billion people. Seven billion souls. And sometimes, all you need is one. Seokjin is Jimin’s one.
Carefully, as to not disturb Seokjin’s sleep and have him worry, Jimin gets out of bed and steps outside to the hotel rooms balcony. He leans his forearms against the railing, letting the cold metal zap his skin and remind him of where he is, what his reality is. Jimin soaks up his surroundings, trying to memorise the scenery of Paris so he can always come back to this place when his other reality —his real reality— becomes too hard to deal with.
He will label this image underneath the memory file ‘Honeymoon.’
No, he and Seokjin aren’t married. Even a couple as carefree and reckless as them wouldn’t do something as stupid as eloping together. He just thinks this holiday reminds him of what a honeymoon could be like. Jimin still remembers to this day Seokjin’s thoughts on marriage, and he probably still abides by them to this day, and Jimin’s (pretty) okay with that; he’s just happy they’re finally together again. Why should he try to push his luck, right? But when Seokjin told him this two month long trip to Paris could be classified as something along the lines of a ‘honeymoon’ —just them, the city, and their hotel room— Jimin was secretly really happy.
He just hopes he can enjoy the last few days of this trip, that it won’t be filled with anymore nightmares.
“We are the lucky ones,” he mumbles into the air, letting his words be swept away by the warm night breeze. Jimin watches the way the trees sway and the night hums in tune with the wind. It puts him at ease, almost like rocking him a lullaby. This moment was almost perfect.
Almost, in the fact that Seokjin wasn’t by his side.
It’s amazing how his absence —even when Jimin knows Seokjin’s just a room away— affects him. It’s not that Jimin falls into a slump whenever Seokjin isn’t around, or that he feels an overwhelming need to be with Seokjin at all times; it’s simply that, whenever Seokjin is around, everything is always perfectly okay. In Seokjin’s world, everything is magnified, everything seems more magnificent and beautiful than it really is. Jimin’s fine seeing things his way, he just prefers seeing the world through Seokjin’s eyes, that’s all.
Tipping his head back, Jimin glances up at the sky. It’s nothing special; just your average nighttime scenery. There are a lot of stars, he notes. It’s as if the sky is a black painting with flecks of white paint dabbed onto the canvas. Jimin can vaguely make out a couple of constellations, but just the ones he’s memorised since childhood.
“Big Dipper… Draco… Orion…” Jimin lists, eyes drifting over to every picture he recognises. “Canis Major and… Minor… and there’s—“
“Gemini.”
Snapping his head around, Jimin’s eyes lock onto the source of the other voice. He smiles tiredly, asking in a soft voice, “What are you doing?”
“Naming the constellations,” Seokjin responds innocently, rubbing his eyes with his cute pyjama sleeves. “Same as you.”
Jimin looks at him frankly, releasing a dry “ha ha” but grinning nonetheless. As he watches Seokjin approach him, he asks again, “I meant what are you doing out of bed?”
Seokjin comes to stand next to his right and leans himself against the metal railing, staring blankly in front of him. “I could ask you the same question,” he returns more seriously, still not turning to face Jimin. His voice is weighed down with the slightest hint of guilt when he asks meekly, “Was it another nightmare?”
Jimin is hesitant to reply, which he supposes is an answer in itself. The first time he told Seokjin of all his restless nights without him, of the dreams that kept reoccurring every night, Seokjin cried. He whimpered apologies to Jimin and pleaded for his forgiveness… and then, naturally, Jimin began to cry, too. This became a pretty sensitive subject. They talk about it, sure, and when it happens they get through it, but… it’s like a chore. It’s an unpleasant routine task that they know they’re going to have to do eventually, that they both dread, that they hate doing, and that they leave unsatisfied because they know they will just have to repeat the same process a different day. Jimin feels terrible that he’s the cause of such a big obstacle in their relationship, but Seokjin puts the entire blame on himself for being the source of the problem.
That is why Jimin can’t, and never can, actually bring himself to say “Yes, I had another nightmare about you leaving me” because he knows it would only break Seokjin even more.
So they stand there in silence, letting the space between them be filled up by the whispering winds. No words are spoke, no glances are exchanged, and no touches are shared. They’ve had this conversation so many times —too many times— to the point of memorising the dialogue.
I promise, I’m never going to leave you.
I know you’re not going to leave me.
Your dreams are only dreams. They aren’t going to come true.
But it’s scary to see them as my reality in my head.
…I know I’ve run away in the past. I know I have, and that’s something I’ll never truly be able to forgive myself for doing because I know how much I hurt you. But I swear, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you. I love you, Jimin, unconditionally. And I am never going to leave you.
(But you did.)
Larger fingers grab Jimin’s smaller ones, breaking him out of his thoughts. He looks down at their hands, watching Seokjin pull him forward gently. Jimin directs his eyes back up to Seokjin’s face, sending him a questionable gaze, but Seokjin already has his back turned on him.
Jimin follows him back inside, leaving the terrace door open behind them. Seokjin releases Jimin’s hand to begin unbuttoning his pyjama shirt, disrobing in front of Jimin. He orders Jimin to do the same, causing him to fall into even more confusion.
“You want to have sex now?” He asks with slight amusement. His eyes trail over every inch of Seokjin’s bare skin, the only article of clothing left upon his body is his underwear. From the silence, Jimin assumes he’s correct and doesn’t question it any further, walking up to Seokjin so that they’re toe-to-toe and Seokjin looms over him. Just as Jimin’s hands slide over his hips and leans in for a kiss, a finger presses against his lips and stops him. Blinking open his eyes, brows furrowed, Jimin’s gaze stares into Seokjin’s adoring ones with confusion.
“That’s not what I said,” Seokjin whispers, his lips pulled up into a gentle smile. He places his other hand, the one not held up to Jimin’s mouth, over the knuckles that grip his left hip, gently easing Jimin’s fingers away from his waist to interlock with his own. His right hand smooths over Jimin’s cheek and tangles into his hair, tucking stray pieces behind his ear. Jimin leans into the warmth of his touch, letting himself melt into Seokjin’s palm. Seokjin’s smile grows at this, and even more so when Jimin’s fingers curl around his wrist and rub up and down Seokjin’s arm.
“What I said…” he continues, his voice no more than a hush, “…was that I want you to take off your clothes.”
Jimin releases a single chuckle. “Okay,” he agrees warily, nevertheless with a silly grin. Hooking his thumbs underneath the waistband of his pyjamas, Jimin shimmies out of his clothes and kicks them aside. He feels cold, lightly shivering from the outside temperatures that invite themselves inside. “There. Now what?”
With a more serious expression, Seokjin flattens a hand against Jimin’s chest —right over his heart— and pushes him back until his knees hit the edge of the mattress. Jimin sits down without instruction and watches Seokjin silently from there.
Seokjin straddles him with his elegant legs, sitting in Jimin’s lap and wrapping his soft limbs around him like a circle of protection. This is expected. He presses their fronts together —chest to chest, stomach to stomach, hip to hip— like he wants their skin to stick, to weave the tiny particles of themselves together so they’ll never have to separate; so Seokjin can never leave. This is expected. He drapes his arms over Jimin’s shoulders and around his neck, tangling his fingers into Jimin’s hair so he can bring their faces closer; their foreheads collide with a gentle brush of skin. This is expected. He leans in. He closes his eyes.
He… doesn’t kiss him. This is not expected.
All they do is hold each other tight, and Jimin thinks he can feel every ounce of love Seokjin has at that moment.
Jimin pulls Seokjin closer, as close as they could possibly get, but it wasn’t enough. Jimin wants to carve Seokjin’s name into his skin, he wants to tattoo every thought and feeling of love he has onto his flesh so that the whole world could know, he wants to tie Seokjin to the bed so that he never leaves and they can stay this way forever, just them against the world. There’s a lot of things Jimin wants to do. Things he’ll never say.
They stay like this for a while, Seokjin’s chin against Jimin’s shoulder and Jimin’s face stuffed into his neck, until Jimin finally looks up from the darkness and out the open terrace doors. Outside, it looks completely different. From a simple touch, Jimin sees the world through Seokjin’s eyes.
The sky appears as a mural, painted with the colours of the wind and teeming with balls of gas and beautiful star clusters. It’s a brilliant display of galaxies hundreds of light-years away, stardust appearing in all different shades, making the dark night luminous. It’s beautiful.
It’s just like Seokjin.
~
“Do you want me to run you a bath? It’ll help relax you,” Seokjin offered, yawning into his hand. It was early, far too early for a bath, but he would do anything to get Jimin back into a peaceful state of mind. He would shrink the Eiffel Tower into a tiny figurine for Jimin to collect if that’s what he wanted Seokjin to do, he would run across Paris butt naked if Jimin requested. “I’ll even join you, if you want.”
Jimin smiled at him, lifting himself off the bed to close the terrace door, but the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. Seokjin tensed at his lack of a response, studying his features carefully. He opened his mouth to ask if there was anything else he could do, but Jimin beat him to it.
“I’ll be okay.” He sounded exhausted, beaten. Seokjin had misread the signs, he thought holding him tightly would be enough to convey his feelings and make Jimin feel a little better. His pain ran further than Seokjin could ever realise, and the guilt flooded his thoughts abruptly. This was his fault, this was his doing. He knew that he deserved to deal with the consequences, but sometimes he wished the pain wouldn’t affect Jimin as well. He’d much rather deal with it alone.
Maybe that was the consequence of his actions.
He waited in silence for Jimin to continue, not wanting to push for an explanation. Seokjin already had a pretty good idea of what was going through Jimin’s mind right now, and it hurt to even think about it. Jimin sighs, leaning his head against the glass door. “Tonight’s been rough, I…” He stopped himself, unable or unwilling to go on, Seokjin couldn’t quite tell. He wondered if he should press further. He had come to learn that bottling things up wasn’t good, after months and months of hiding his feelings away. But he was still scared, despite everything. Scared he might say the wrong thing and ruin things again. He bit his bottom lip, hard, stifling himself.
Jimin turned to look at Seokjin again, a sadness in his eyes. Seokjin knew that look very well. It was a longing for him. “I just… need some comfort right now.”
Seokjin nodded slowly in understanding, outstretching his arms for Jimin, beckoning him to come back to him. Jimin’s eyes widen as they light up momentarily, and then he rounds the corner of the bed in a few, quick strides and dove into Seokjin. Their mouths find each others in a deep, intense kiss. Seokjin wrapped his arms tightly around Jimin’s shoulders, feeling Jimin slip his arms around Seokjin’s waist and squeezing him tightly, like he needed to make sure he was really there, like he hadn’t disappeared into thin air. He spoke no more and that was okay. Seokjin didn’t expect him to.
Jimin’s mouth and tongue found Seokjin’s neck, kissing the skin softly like it could kiss him back, until he ceased and held his face in the crook, hugging Seokjin tightly. Seokjin ran his fingers through the younger mans hair, unsure of what else he could do. But he needed to be strong. Strong for Jimin, who needed him most right now. He kissed at whatever part of Jimin’s face he could reach, being his turn to make Jimin feel good. Make him feel loved.
Their lips meet again, tongues slipping together, going from slow to fast. Jimin’s anguish turned into an urge to forget. An urge to bury himself so deep inside of Seokjin, he’d forget the outside world. Seokjin would gladly give him that. He would give him anything tonight.
His hands ran along the tops of Jimin’s arms, squeezing the muscles as he traveled up, moaning softly when Jimin’s tongue slipped inside his ear, sending shivers up his spine. Jimin cupped his face so softly, like Seokjin would break if he tried any harder and slowly pushed him down onto the mattress. His fingers touched Seokjin so gracefully, fingers stroking the surface of his skin like it was a piece of art. It lit a fire in Seokjin’s belly, and an entire explosion going off in his heart.
Seokjin pulled at Jimin to lie on top of him, and Jimin did so as he stared into Seokjin’s deep eyes, caressing his face once more. Seokjin’s heart was beating a little faster than usual, like it did when he was aroused, yet it was coated with something stronger.
“We could just sleep, if you want. I know you’re tired,” Jimin said, voice thick with something that had Seokjin reaching for him, holding him close.
Seokjin smiled up at him, leaning up and planting a small kiss on his nose. “Not a chance. Finish what you started, loser.”
Jimin chuckled, his chest shaking from the action. He returned the small display of affection, kissing the tip of Seokjin’s nose and both of his cheeks fondly. Seokjin’s heart swelled in his chest, ready to burst any second. He started sucking on Jimin’s shoulder, urgent to kiss every patch of skin over his body.
Jimin stopped Seokjin, lifting up his sloppy mouth and kissing his lips without any hesitation. He pulls Seokjin back up towards the head of the bed, removing Seokjin’s only piece of clothing from him and pushes inside slowly, and when he began to thrust it was to a slow, deep rhythm. Seokjin’s back arched, his toes curled and all he felt was warmth.
“Tell me… tell me you’ll never leave me,” Jimin rasps into his ear.
“I-I… I’ll never leave you, Jimin.”
“Tell me you’ll always want me.” Dark hungry eyes burned into Seokjin’s as he pulled back slightly to stare him in the eye. It was the most defenceless thing Jimin had ever requested of Seokjin. Exposed in the darkness, Seokjin shone brightly, giving Jimin the confidence to plead for such a thing.
Seokjin held his face tight, voice a hushed whisper, but it didn’t make it any less true. He didn’t know what the future held for them, not what would unfold, but he was sure of one thing; there was never going to be a time when Seokjin didn’t want Jimin. Seokjin was Jimin’s, and Jimin was Seokjin’s.
“Always.”
~
Jimin feels lips brush against his temple.
He vaguely hears words… vaguely. He’s not awake enough to make out the symbols or annunciation of each letter. However, the sound is loud enough to stir him from sleep.
His eyes blink open to find Seokjin’s chocolate brown irises hovering over Jimin’s, his hair looking messier than ever and falling into his eyes. The feeling of his breath tickles Jimin’s skin, much like how one glance from Seokjin has his stomach erupting with butterflies. Their skin touches from the tops of their chests to the tip of their feet, warmth shared between them and the sheets. There is no better place to be in the world. Waking up to Seokjin is the best part of Jimin’s day, every day.
“Morning, sunshine,” he greets with a laugh at the corny pet name, smacking a wet kiss to the centre of Jimin’s forehead.
Jimin’s heart flutters, giggles seeping through his lips as Seokjin showers him with kisses. He reaches up both hands to plant them against Seokjin’s cheeks, feeling how the skin near his mouth stretches when he smiles. Seokjin leans his head down, Jimin meeting his halfway and presses their lips together.
“Morning, angel face,” he responds against his lips, falling back into the soft cushion of his pillow with a grin. His eyelids fall heavy when fingers begin combing their way through his hair, shivers racking down his spine at Seokjin’s touch. To return the favour, Jimin slides his hands over the curve of Seokjin’s naked waist and massages his hips. A blissful sigh is released through Jimin’s nose, the thought of knowing there wasn’t anywhere he had to be —or would rather be— putting him at ease. He asks in a mumbled tone, “What’s the plan for today?”
“Well, first you’re gonna brush your teeth,” Seokjin giggles, “because you’ve got bad breath.”
Jimin instantly beings a hand up to cover his mouth, frowning. “Do I really?” He whines, distressed. The response he gets —a scrunched up nose and a definite nod— makes him turn bright red and turns his head away to hide in the covers. Like a child, he whispers, “I’m sorry.”
“It’s not a big deal, Jimin,” Seokjin reassures. He rubs the pads of his thumbs across Jimin’s closed eyelids to urge them back open. When they do, Seokjin wiggles his brows playfully and says, “The plan for today, is to have some fun.”
“When is that ever not the plan?” Jimin grins.
Seokjin shrugs. “I suppose you’re right,” he agrees, starting to pull himself up. Jimin follows him until both their backs are straight, their chests still moulded together, arms still wrapped around each other. Seokjin plays with the hairs at the nape of Jimin’s neck as he sighs, “Then the question you wanted is ‘what are the activities we have planned today?’ “
Jimin nuzzles himself into Seokjin’s neck, breathing in his sweet aroma. “If we’re being precise, yes,” he breathes into Seokjin’s skin, feeling goosebumps on the smooth area.
“Then I’ll tell you…” Seokjin drifts off teasingly, offering a dramatic pause, “…It’s a secret.”
Jimin groans at Seokjin’s silliness before a mischievous idea of his own takes place. “Well then,” he exhales, wrapping his arms tighter around Seokjin’s waist, “I guess I’ll just keep you trapped here in bed with me and my smelly breath until you tell me!”
With these last words, Jimin tackles Seokjin into the mattress and lays himself flat on top of him so he can’t escape. Seokjin’s cute giggles are like music to Jimin’s ears, and his loud hearty laughter as Jimin began tickling him like a symphony. The chiming of sleigh bells rung in his hears like it was being played by the most beautiful orchestra, like Seokjin’s vocal chords were those of a sirens.
When Jimin finally stops tickling him, both of them are completely out of breath; though he may not have been laughing himself, Jimin’s breath is still snatched away from him every time he hears Seokjin’s voice. He wraps an arm underneath Seokjin’s back, keeping himself up with his other forearm. Seokjin reaches over to sling his left arm over Jimin’s torso and reaches up with his right hand to cup his cheek, leaning him closer. Their tangled legs bind them together, and soon their foreheads end up just as close. Eventually, Seokjin leans himself up more to seal the kiss.
“Je t’aime,” Seokjin rasps after their mouths part.
Jimin’s brows knit together into a tightly confused line. “Pardon?”
“Didn’t you read the French handbook I gave you on the plane?” Seokjin looks at him mischievously, repeating it again in a tone of voice that makes it sound like his words are so obvious, “Je t’aime.”
“You’re still not making any sense,” Jimin says frankly, narrowing his eyes at his lover.
Seokjin kisses him once more before pushing his body away, allowing him room to get up and out of bed. “You’ll understand soon enough,” he assures with a dainty sigh, strutting his way into the bathroom. “Come on, Jiminie. We’ve only got a few days left in Paris, so let's make the most of it.”
Oh yeah. Jimin had almost forgotten. When they got back to Seoul in only a few days, Seokjin was moving back into his childhood home in Gwacheon, leaving Jimin behind until he was ready to move back.
Seokjin had reassured him it wasn’t forever, that he needed some time to rediscover himself and his broken childhood, and Jimin had nodded his head in agreement, not wanting to be the person who held him back. It was okay, Seokjin would come back for him, he promised over and over again, repeating the words into Jimin’s lips whenever he had the slightest doubt. Jimin tells himself this every night so that he doesn’t let himself fear the other possibilities.
Please… please don’t go.
No, he can’t be selfish and ask that of Seokjin. He needs to trust him, to have faith that he will come back.
Let me come with you.
He’s already told Jimin that he needs to do this alone. It’ll be okay, he’ll be okay.
“Jimin? Come on, we have to get ready!—“
“This morning…” he interrupts, finally tossing off the blankets and shuffling over to Seokjin in the bathroom, watching the older man apply a hefty amount of facial cleaner to his hands. Before he starts to wash his face, Jimin asks, “Did you say something to me this morning? When you first woke me up?”
Seokjin blinks at his reflection in the mirror before turning to Jimin and nodding hastily. “Mmm-hmm,” he hums, turning on the hot water and lathering the soap between his palms.
Jimin looks at him expectantly, raising his shoulders in waiting. “…Well? What was it?”
Spraying a handful of water into his hands and onto his face, Seokjin answers him with garbled words. Knowing he’s doing this on purpose as to not answer his question, Jimin frowns and sighs dramatically in defeat. Even if he pesters Seokjin the entire morning, Jimin knows Seokjin is stubborn enough to keep his mouth shut, so Jimin decides to drop it.
Whatever, he thinks, squirting a dab of toothpaste onto his toothbrush. It was probably something like Je t’aime again. It must not be that important…
~
Throughout the day, since he first woke up to the present day, Seokjin has been speaking to him in different languages. It’s been driving Jimin mad. Seokjin changes dialect during the most random parts of the day, and only saying some weird short phrases.
He said it when they were changing into day clothes…
“Aš tave myliu.”
Finishing up breakfast…
“Të dua.”
Holding hands as they walked down the street…
“Kocham cię.”
Arriving at the Eiffel tower…
“Wo ai ni.”
When they stopped to take pictures…
“Main tumse pyar karta.”
When they had lunch…
“Ljubim te.”
After each kiss…
“Ik hou van jou.”
When he would do something “cute”…
“S’agapo.”
When they went shopping…
“Ich liebe dich.”
In the shower…
“Jag älskar dig.”
During their couples massage…
“Miluji tê.”
And just now, as they were walking alongside the Pont des Arts bridge…
“Ya tebe kohayu.”
And probably forty other times throughout the day, in all different languages. Who knows what Seokjin’s been saying? Hopefully somebody around here, because Jimin can’t figure it out for the life of him.
“Why can’t you just tell me already?!” He whines, angrily stomping his foot as he walked alongside the river. Water splashes up his ankles and onto the cuffs of his new jeans which Seokjin bought for him, but he doesn’t mind too much. The walk far out, following the river for as long as they could.
Seokjin looks down at his distorted reflection in the water, and Jimin watches him giggle. He squeezes Jimin’s hand, calming assuring him, “Don’t worry, you’ll figure it out soon enough.”
“That’s what you’ve been saying all day,” Jimin retorts, rolling his eyes. “When exactly are you going to tell me? At midnight?”
“Sooner than you think,” Seokjin concludes, and there’s a resolute in his voice that tells Jimin this is the end of their conversation.
He sighs theatrically, tossing his head back with a moan of, “Fine~” before fiddling with the camera in his hands. He doesn’t quite understand this fancy model, much preferring the one has has tucked away at home, but he was still grateful for the gift nonetheless. If he had the chance, he would’ve taken his camera with him, but at the time Jimin had more pressing issues like making sure he found Seokjin in time, which luckily, he did. Seokjin had been kind enough to buy him new clothes and essentials for their trip, and even bought him this swanky new camera, treating him to whatever he wanted with his shiny credit card. Jimin can’t remember the last time someone had spent so much money on him. Having an incredibly wealthy boyfriend did have it’s perks from time to time.
The heavy weight that hangs from his neck is lifted once he holds the device in both hands, letting go of Seokjin’s grip to snap a picture of the scenery before him. It’s the perfect orange sunset, and he’d really hate to never capture this memory he has with Seokjin—
“BOO!”
“AHH—FUCK!"
Seokjin had suddenly appeared right in front of the camera lens in a flash of light brown hair and sun kissed skin. Jimin, having not expected this, jerked in surprise and yelled, his hands twitching and consequently snapping a photo of the event. He checked the blurry mess of a picture, now a smudgy sunset with a blurred image of Seokjin’s face.
Looking up from the camera, Jimin scowled at him. “What was that for?” He shrieks.
“Sorry, I couldn’t resist,” Seokjin chuckled into his palm, “It’s my turn to take pictures, you’ve had it all day.” He holds his hands out, wiggling his fingers. For added cuteness, he smiles even wider and adds with a sickly sweet voice, “Pwetty pwease?”
And, of course, Jimin can’t say no to this.
“Wait, wait,” he sighs, discarding the neck strap. Handing the camera off to Seokjin, he readjusts the collar of his jacket. “Do you even know how to work these fancy cameras?” Jimin scoffs, watching Seokjin curiously play with all the buttons and turning the camera around in his hands.
“I don’t,” Seokjin responds with a mumble, fixated on the device. “I usually only use the shoot-and-click cameras or the one on my phone…”
“So… all those pictures you took of me and put on your wall came from bad cameras?”
“Yes, Jimin. All my pictures that I took of you and put on my wall came from “bad cameras”.”
Jimin clicks his tongue at the mockery, albeit grinning. “Well then, prepare to feast your eyes on the type of pictures these good cameras are capable of taking—“
“Would you just tell me if I’m doing this right?” Seokjin interrupts impatiently. “That way I won’t have to accidentally mess up your good camera.”
Jimin snorts in response, mumbling a few words under his breath that go unnoticed, and then nods his head affirmatively. “Yup, you’re doing it right,” he assures. “Line the focus up here… yes.”
Suddenly, before Seokjin can process what’s happened or how it happened, the shutter clicks and the camera takes a photo. “Ah!” Seokjin exclaims, his eyes bugging out.
“Pfffft!” Jimin laughs, already clutching his stomach. His tightly shut eyes, closed from giggling, didn’t see Seokjin position the camera in front of him. “How the hell did you do that? Your hands started to shake so badly they took a picture—“
SHUTTER CLICK
Jimin’s eyes open in surprise, sprouting even wider when he sees Seokjin about to take another photo. “Ah—Hey, wait!” He squeals, ducking his head into his shoulder and holding a hand out in front of his face. “My eyes were closed in that picture!”
SHUTTER CLICK
“Waah! Stop!”
SHUTTER CLICK
Jimin uses his jacket to completely hide himself away from view, but there’s still an uncovered part of his face where Seokjin can see his frowning lips. “Stop it!” He cries. “Don’t waste the film!”
SHUTTER CLICK
“No more! I’m sorry for laughing at you!”
SHUTTER CLICK
Seokjin finally stops harassing his boyfriend when he can tell Jimin’s finally had enough. Putting the camera down so that is dangles against his chest, he wraps his fingers around Jimin’s wrists, prying them away from his face, and plants his lips on Jimin’s right cheek in an apologetic kiss. “You know I love you,” he coos playfully, rubbing his forehead against Jimin’s. He can feel how deep Jimin’s frown wrinkles are, so he pulls away and wipes his thumbs gently across the area to smooth them out. “There,” Seokjin says triumphantly, grinning at Jimin’s bitter smile, “all better.”
“Is it really, though?” Jimin returns, lightly head butting him in retaliation. Seokjin only head butts him back, which should’ve been expected, so Jimin takes it up a notch by kicking a little river water in his direction. Seokjin swore loudly with laughter in his voice whilst jumping away, thereafter scrunching his nose at Jimin, who sticks his tongue out in response.
Jimin stands facing the water, thumbs hooked on the inside of his pockets, a gentle warm breeze pushing his hair backward. His whole body feels warm wrapped up in the suns light, causing his eyes to flutter shut in bliss and relaxation. Every time he inhales a whiff of the fresh air, a part of him loses himself to this moment in time; this moment where it’s just him and Seokjin on holiday, surrounded by strangers they will never see again, and looking back on a time when, to each other, they were those strangers.
Strangers who fell in love but were torn apart, only to find their way back to each other again.
Jimin gets lost in his memories, staring out incredulously at the sunset he’s sharing with Seokjin. “We’ve come pretty far, huh?” He says aloud, shaking his head in awe.
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“A year ago, did you ever imagine yourself —or, rather, us— here? Together?”
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Jimin finally looks up and turns towards Seokjin, questioning his silence. “Hyung?”
“It really is as if we’re on our honeymoon.”
Seokjin gazes out into the horizon, a nostalgic look in his eyes. The soft wind that pushes against them causes Seokjin’s fluffy hair to bounce in the breeze. His figure is painted a tropical orange and crisp yellow by the sunlight that shines in the front of him like a stage light, outlining each and every one of his features. Seokjin looks ethereal, and even more so in this light, in this setting, in this picture-perfect moment, that Jimin dies a little inside when he says those words.
Maybe they should’ve eloped after all. There was still a chance for them to change their minds. Seokjin would look even better in his memory as Jimin’s runaway husband.
“What’s wrong?” Seokjin asks, tilting his head slightly as he watched Jimin’s head droop with sadness.
Please… don’t go. Let me come with you… please.
“I don’t want you to go…” Jimin whispers with his eyes closed. He didn’t want this holiday to end. He wanted to stay here in Paris with Seokjin, have breakfast in bed everyday, go for walks in the city together, holding hands for as long as they liked, doing whatever they wanted, but it wouldn’t matter because they had each other in the end, which was all they really wanted in the first place.
Seokjin gives him a puzzled look. “Go? Go where? I’m not going anywhere, Jimin. I’m not sure where I’d wonder off to in the middle of Paris without my—oof!”
Jimin threw his arms around Seokjin, pulling him into the tightest hug possible and burying his face in Seokjin’s chest to hide the guilt and shame on his features. “Don’t go to Gwacheon, don’t leave me behind again. Stay with me, here in Paris. Together. I don’t want this to end, not yet. There’s still so many things to see, places to visit. We can do whatever you want, anything at all, I’ll even go to a hundred shows with you if that’s what you wanted. I won’t complain as long as I have you here, so please…” he pulls Seokjin even closer, holding him incredibly tight. “Please… please don’t go…”
Seokjin blinks at Jimin a couple of times, letting the younger man hold onto him as tightly as he could. “…Is… is that what you’ve been worrying about all this time?” One of his hands rises to rest on Jimin’s back, stroking the area softly. “You think… I’m not going to come back to you?”
Jimin burns his face even further into Seokjin’s warm chest, hearing the way his heartbeat slowly increased. Was it for Jimin? Who knows.
“Jimin, look at me,” Seokjin demands gently, fishing something out of the fold of his pocket. Jimin slowly rises his face from the safety of Seokjin’s chest, not wanting to look him in the eye. Seokjin’s smile fades into one of endearment as he softly teases him, “Hey, are you getting all emotional on me? Come on, sunshine, lift that chin up.”
But Jimin doesn’t, and Seokjin can now see the little tear drops of water making his eyelashes glitter. Seokjin lifts one hand to his face and wipes away the wetness of his eyes with a gentle finger, mumbling lightly, “please stop crying. I need to tell you my secret message.”
Jimin can only assume he means the thing he’s been saying in different languages all day. However, he still doesn’t speak, only nodding his head softly as a will for Seokjin to continue. He feels Seokjin grab the hands wrapped around his waist and pull them away so he could hold them in his own, gently lowering himself a little so they could look at each other eye-to-eye. Just as Seokjin’s lips brush over his ear to replay the message, Jimin feels something round and cold being slipped onto his finger. His heart skips a beat. Seokjin whispers his confession.
“I love you.”
When Seokjin separates, they both look down at Jimin’s newly adorned finger. Seokjin giggles and squeezes his hand, absolutely and utterly pleased with himself. “Today… todays been just perfect,” he begins with a happy sigh, his voice, however, started to wobble as he continued, “I woke up to the most perfect boyfriend, I have the most perfect day with him, I get to see this perfect sunset with him by my side… and now, I find out that the tacky ring I got him is also the perfect fit. How amazing is that?”
Jimin stares down at the ring. It looked like something you would find in a charity shop, slightly worn down and losing a little colour, but he still found it beautiful regardless. It reminded him of Seokjin.
“Hyung…”
“Wait, wait,” he orders, finally allowing their gazes to meet, but this only causes more tears to form in both their eyes. “I still have some more things to say. Can I?”
Jimin laughs through his sobs, shaking his head at his insane boyfriend because he really didn’t need to say anything more, this moment is already perfect enough, but he allows Seokjin to anyway. He nods his head, saying with a crackly voice, “Yeah— yeah, go ahead.”
“Thanks,” Seokjin chuckles, quickly wiping away a few tears from his eyes. When he finally gains some control of his emotions, he inhales a shaky breath and tells Jimin with equally shaky words, “I hate to disappoint, but this isn’t a proposal. Don’t let this ring fool you, Jiminie,” he sniffs, with a slight chuckle. “This… this is a promise.”
I… I’ll admit it. I’m afraid of commitment. I wanna live my life by my own rules, you know? I guess a part of me is against the idea of marriage because I don’t want to give into the expectations placed upon me in the future, but the other part of me is just terrified of it.
And what happens if I get bored? The routine of a marriage might bore me to death one day, and that’s the last thing I would want. If I were to hypothetically get married, I would want something new everyday, with things to stay new and exciting. I don’t want sex just on birthdays, holidays, or anniversaries. I don’t want to eat at the same restaurants every weekend. I don’t want dinner and Netflix dates. I don’t want to settle down, that isn’t a life I’ve ever dreamed of. Maybe one day I’ll want it, but right now? No thanks.
“The funny thing of imagining something for so long is that it rarely ever matches up with reality,” Seokjin continues, thumb brushing over Jimin’s palm in small circles. “This moment… I’ve been fantasising about it ever since we stepped off the plane, maybe even longer before that, but now it’s melted away and been replaced by something even better. I had this… whole script planned out in my head about how everything would go and what I would do, but now that I’m actually here all I can think to say is that I love you, Park Jimin, with every fibre of my being and this ring is my way of showing you that I’m coming back, that I’ll always come back to you, wherever that may be. So even though this isn’t a proper proposal where I get down on one knee and I tell you that I’m going to spend the rest of my life committed to making you happy, blah blah blah… Instead, this is a promise that someday… someday I will say all those things to you.”
Seokjin sucks in a deep breath like he hasn’t breathed in ages, his chest tight and his lungs gasping for air from all his crying. He expels this breath with broken laughter, looking straight at Jimin and seeing him in the same blubbering state. How can Seokjin blame him, though? Jimin never expected this.
Just like Seokjin never expected this from himself, either.
“So, I don’t really know how to say all these things,” Seokjin jokes, shrugging helplessly; he loves how loud Jimin laughs at this, no matter how damaged and crackly it sounds. “Did I disappoint you? I can still get down on one knee if you really want, just for show.”
One look into each others eyes, and they’re falling in love all over again. Seokjin smiles giddily, “So, Jimin, what’s your—“
“God, do you even have to ask?”
Jimin grabs both of Seokjin’s cheeks, leans in… and creates a total disaster.
The kiss is so bad and off course and just the complete opposite of romantic that it’s almost cringe worthy. Almost. The only reason it isn’t is because it reminds them of their sloppy kiss in the rain almost a year ago, noses colliding and teeth clashing and lips hurting… but that’s why it’s also very sweet.
They laugh so hard that they end up falling onto the grass together. They laugh so hard that this is the only reason their eyes are filled with tears now. They laugh so hard that they can’t actually kiss each other, but that’s more than okay. It’s more than okay because, just like Seokjin said, this day is perfect. Nothing can be better than this moment right now.
Except for the moment they finally kiss (properly).
Because as they kiss and Seokjin holds Jimin in his tight and warm embrace, Jimin realises there’s one thing he’s been missing all this time. Seokjin’s arms may be the place where he feels the safest, where he most loved, where he feels he can always come back to, but he’s failed to realise why. But finally he has that answer, and that answer is because this is where he is home.
Jimin’s made a home out of Seokjin. His arms are the foundation and his hands are the roof and his warm, full heart that beats for Jimin only is him room. Jimin’s made a home out of Seokjin because he let Jimin use him as the materials. Seokjin wanted to be the one to shelter him from the storms, he wanted to be the one Jimin could come to at the end of a long day and feel relieved to see, he wanted to be the one to always provide a safe haven for Jimin; He wanted Jimin to stay.
And that is the most comforting thought Jimin has had in years.
Seokjin was right when he said imagination rarely matches up with reality. But, sometimes, reality is so, so much better. Never mind that reality was Seokjin promising to propose to Jimin someday instead of vice versa, and his heart beating like a jackhammer inside his chest, and barely being able to hold back tears (or at all, actually); it was also Seokjin crying and laughing and looking beyond beautiful, and being brilliant enough to force Jimin to stop talking so he can tell him just how much he loves him even though Jimin already knows because of course.
This was not at all how Jimin would’ve ever pictured it —not in his wildest fantasies. He never even thought this day would come in the first place. But after twelve months, Jimin knew one thing with absolute certainty.
Seokjin would always surpass everything he’s ever dreamed.
Jimin stopped having nightmares about Seokjin leaving him.
Seokjin still holds him like he always does.
And Jimin is living the most beautiful dream.