Chapter Text
Yoongi can’t explain how he feels when he steps out of the room, Jeongguk’s fingers entangled in his own.
In a way, it’s like he’s a whole new man. In other ways, he’s exactly the same. And also has reverted back to the version of himself that had fallen so fast and hard for Jeongguk his head swam. That version of himself that was so infatuated, nose deep in it, that he couldn’t see past the love to take any kind of action. Dumbstruck, or lovestruck, in the most literal sense. Rendered powerless by Jeongguk’s big doe eyes and scrunchy smile.
For all of the spite and frustrations thrust back and forth to each other in the past - has it been hours? or minutes? - he doesn’t feel beaten down. Yes, their words dug holes in his skin and his heart turned to glass, fragile. Or maybe it was steel, frozen and numb. Either way, it doesn't matter now because it’s thrumming. Rivers running free and fresh, trees leafy and green, a vibrant forest in his heart where wilting grasslands used to be. Yoongi’s been revived, in sense.
Or, he chides himself, that could be the orgasm talking. He grimaces as his remembers the uncomfortable situation in his pants.
There is still some level guilt within it all, though. Jeongguk was right when he said, “Don’t forget, this was your idea.”
Yoongi - who spoke before he could think in that conference room - caught Jeongguk in his net and dragged him into the trenches of the deep ocean floor. Drowning and surrounded by messages from all sides that what they were doing was wrong, in one way or another.
You can’t date
Isn't it too convenient?
You can’t falsify a relationship
No one will believe you
Won’t it be confusing?
It’ll be too hard
As if you could ever really love each other
It’ll destroy your reputation
Bangtan’s career is over
Anyone but him
Why must you flaunt it?
This isn’t a game
Someone’s going to get hurt.
None of those things really happened. At least, not to any vicious extent. Yes, it was fucking confusing. But it’s because they were confused themselves. Yeah, not everyone believed them, but that was fine. What does it matter now that Yoongi and Jeongguk know what is real?
Yoongi isn’t sure what this means for them in the future in the eyes of the public. They won’t see anything change, he supposes. They won’t need to stage a breakup or cover up. He thinks - he hopes - the foundation they’ve been building for a half dozen years is strong enough to hold them up. It has to be. They filled Singapore National Stadium, they had a sold out North American tour, Nagoya had never been louder. If they can do that, did do that, then they must have solid ground to land on.
Considering they’re about to take a leap into the unknown, they’re gonna need it.
They pass by crew members and staff and Jeongguk takes the lead down the hall, carving them a small path and ignoring the looks of the people around them. While many of them have no idea the repercussions of what just happened on stage, they seem fully aware of the electric charge in the air. That somehow, what they did was wrong even if they are supposed to be dating.
Jeongguk glances back at Yoongi, waiting for his permission, and when the elder nods the younger pushes open the door to their green room.
They’re met by a rack of stage costumes, stylists hanging garments and inspecting for rips or loose buttons.
They don’t pay any mind to them. From the other side of the rack, Yoongi can hear them.
“Why didn’t anybody tell us?” Hoseok.
“I can’t believe I didn’t notice. This is exactly the sort of thing I’m supposed to notice. Nayoung-ssi entrusted this to me, to keep an eye on them, and I totally fucked it up.” Namjoon.
“Jeongguk told me he had the hang of this, that he wouldn’t do anything rash. He’s going to hurt Yoongi. God, I’m actually gonna fight him.” Seokjin.
“It’s gonna be fine, hyung. Jeongguk isn’t incompetent, he may have acted…” Jimin trails off and Yoongi squeezes Jeongguk’s hand. Maybe staying put and eavesdropping breaks social mores, but Yoongi personally would like to know what he’s about to walk into.
“...sporadically, but I think it was epiphany.”
“Wait,” that’s Taehyung, “he’s in love with Yoongi-hyung?”
“I mean, I don’t know, but I can assume,” Jimin explains.
“Why didn’t you tell me!”
“Well you didn’t tell me hyung is in love with Jeongguk! I still can’t believe he told you and not any of us.”
Yoongi laughs as Hoseok and Namjoon join the uproar, seemingly more annoyed by who Yoongi confessed to than anything else. Jeongguk smiles at him softly, and then bends over to part the clothes and peak through them to see their friends.
“What do you think they’re doing?” Namjoon asks, his expression calm as Yoongi finds him among the chaos.
“Fucking, probably,” Jin says dryly. There’s a beat of silence where everyone stares at him, Yoongi feels dread and sadness coil in his stomach. He hates arguing with his hyung. But Seokjin laughs, and it sends a ripple around the room as he bends at the waist and his face contorts. “God, they’re such idiots. I love them.”
“Let’s go,” Yoongi whispers, and walks around the clothing rack with Jeongguk in tow.
The first one to see them is Hoseok. At first he’s shocked, but then his mouth turns into a heart and he’s laughing, pointing at them and their clasped hands and red faces.
Yoongi meets his eyes and just grins, and then he looks around the circle of his friends in various states of undress, water bottles and ice packs in hand, and looks at Seokjin.
“Hyung, I finally told him.”
Jin nods, “I knew you could do it.”
“Also you were right,” Jeongguk speaks up from next to him, cocking a mischievous eyebrow, “We were fucking.”
“Ah!” Namjoon exclaims, hands going to his ears, “Too much information! Don’t tell me!”
Jeongguk throws his head back in laughter and Yoongi is sucked into staring at him, watching him. Moments later, he’s met by a warm body. Taehyung scoops him into a hug, literally lifting Yoongi up and off the ground, spinning them around, and then dropping him again only to hug him further.
“I knew everything would work out!”
Yoongi hugs him back, grateful for Taehyung’s patience and kindness with him yesterday. The plane ride could have unbearable for the amount of pressure Yoongi felt from both jin and Jeongguk, but Tae stood at a wonderfully neutral ground, just wanting to reassure Yoongi.
“Ah, thank you Taehyung-ah.”
He looks over at Jeongguk, who is engulfed in a similar hug from Jimin with an ounce more scolding thrown in as Jimin glares at the youngest.
“It’s a damn good thing you love him or else I would be pissed at you for kissing him again,” JImin says. Jeongguk just laughs.
Taehyung finally lets Yoongi go, and he sucks in a deep breath of hairspray stained air. He wants to go home.
He wants a hot tub and champagne and Jeongguk. He want to hold Jeongguk’s hand the entire flight back to Seoul, rubs his thumb over his - his boyfriend’s knuckles and kiss his nose and forehead and eyes and hair as he falls asleep. Wants Jeongguk to do that to him.
“Yoongi-ah,” Jin stands in front of him, tall and broad shouldered. His expression is more relaxed than Yoongi’s seen it in days. No frown. No furrowed brow.
Yoongi hugs him hard and Jin returns it with equal strength.
Yoongi can’t help but cry a little, all his emotions brought to the surface. “Thank you, hyung. For everything you said. You were right and I didn’t want to hear it. As soon as we talked, things got better. He loves me too.”
“I know,” Jin hums, and Yoongi’s wonder if that means Seokjin knows now, or if he always knew. “I’m so happy for you. I love you, and I know I was a little harsh.”
“Thank you for protecting me though,” Yoongi laughs, only half joking.
“You're welcome,” Jin replies, and lets Yoongi go.
Namjoon demands the next hug, and then Hoseok, and Jimin, and then all of a sudden he’s hugging Jeongguk again and snorting into his chest as the younger says maybe they’re all in love with Yoongi, and asks if he should be jealous.
Hoseok grabs them all into a group hug, squeezing the life out of them as the other members pile on.
They say they love them. They're happy for them. That they better not hear anything coming from the maknae's room. Namjoon claims he knew from the start and they all know he’s lying, so he laughs too. It’s so easy to be honest. To share this moment of happiness and excitement with them.
Yoongi thinks this is probably the easiest part. Because they have unconditional love for Yoongi, for Jeongguk, he’s earned that and they’ve all earned it in return.
The bigger question is: Where do they go from here?
-
“I just can’t believe you didn’t call us sooner! We were out camping all week, so we only just saw. But Jeongguk,” his moms scolds, “you’ve been dating a year and you didn’t tell us?”
“Mom, no, uh,” he scratches the back of his head, kicking at the floor. “We started dating last night.”
“Last night? I’m confused, sweetie. What do you mean? The statement said--”
“Ignore the statement, mom. It was just a cover up.”
She gasps across the line and Jeongguk is already rolling his eyes as she whispers conspiratorially, “Is there a scandal in the group?”
“No, I mean,” he wrinkles his nose, “kind of. Just, Yoongi kissed me in Nagoya.”
“Your father and I saw! Those are such sweet photos. We’ll have to get some framed. Some of your fans are truly incredible photographers.”
“They really are,” Jeongguk agree staring at the empty lounge of the hotel. The lights are still dim, breakfast service doesn’t start for an hour but they’re leaving for the airport before then anyway. “But, Mom, when Yoongi kissed me we weren’t dating yet.”
“He surprised you onstage? Oh that’s so romantic, Gguk-ah! Swept you off your feet on stage, huh?”
“Basically,” he allows, because there's no point in getting into semantics. “But it took me awhile to figure out my feelings, and so that’s how last night happened.”
“Aw, you returned the romantic gesture! That’s amazing, you two are going to remember this for a long time.”
Jeongguk laughs, “I don’t think we’ll be allowed to forget if we wanted to.”
“Why would you ever want to?” His mom’s tone goes soft, and the love exuding from it makes Jeongguk’s eyes tighten.
“What if we don’t last?” He whispers, scared. Terrified. Because what if this is all for nothing? The press, the statement, the kisses, the conversations, the long night and longer days. What if they created all this drama and tension and issues, and it all results in a breakup? Wouldn’t that be awfully anticlimactic? They’re already taking so much, Jeongguk can’t bear the idea of throwing all the support and trust aside.
“Honey, sweetie, you’re living in hypotheticals. Focus on now, focus on Yoongi-ssi, be there for each other. You love each other, don’t you?”
“Yes,” Jeongguk smiles, “we do.”
“Then that’s all you really need.”
“Okay,” Jeongguk takes a deep breath. “I’ll be able to come home and visit soon.”
“Yeah? That’s amazing sweetie, we’re always here. Come any time.”
“Mom?”
“Yes?”
Jeongguk sits down on a peach-coloured couch, fiddling with the hem of his sweats, “I’m sorry.”
“For what? You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“I know you say that. But, there’s a lot of intensity in the media right now. You might see a lot of hate for, uh, me. And some of them mention, you know, my family and how I was raised and just--” he pinches the bridge of his nose- “ignorant shit. Ignore it if you can, they’re all stupid.”
“They’re jealous, and none of that matters. We love you, we know you, we know how we raised you. Into the kind and intelligent man you are now. They’re the ones who were raised wrong, okay?” His mom insists, “Don’t ever think that about yourself, sweetie. You’re lovely. You’re everything that’s right in this world.”
“It didn’t feel like it this week. I was so angry, and so stuck in my head. I was totally oblivious to what was right in front of me. I was confused when I shouldn’t have been and I made things more complicated than they needed to be. Last night, mom, I risked everything. I shouldn’t have--”
“Stop right there. Gguk, you’re allowed to make mistakes. I want you too. You can’t be perfect all the time. I’m sure this week was hard, but you got through it and have come out of it so much better than before, right?”
He thinks of Yoongi, “Yeah.”
“That’s what makes it worth it. As for last night, that’s part of your love story, sweetie. Don’t diminish it. So many people are going to cherish that moment for you, so many people are looking up to you, and you are creating social change.”
“Mom,” Jeongguk chides, embarrassed.
“Really, you are. You already were. That was a fantastic moment for so many people, but it should be most special to you. You’re the one who lived it.”
Jeongguk snorts, “I honestly can hardly remember it. It was all such a blur. I just knew I needed to show him how I felt, and so I did. I didn’t plan to, but I guess it helped us both lay everything out on the table. I guess,” he smiles to himself, “I’m really happy I did it.”
“As you should be, sweetie. If anyone at BigHit gives you business about what happened, send them my way and I’ll remind them just how much you’ve done for them and kick their ass on the way out.”
"Mom!” jeongguk says in alarm.
“What? I’m serious. Send them my way and I’ll set them straight.”
“Please don’t do that, but thank you,” he smiles, “I’m honestly relieved you two were camping. I think I would have been really stressed if you’d called me demanding to know what was happening and I had no idea.”
“Some things just have to be figured out on your own, I get it. Hopefully we’re not too overbearing, sweetie.”
“You let me leave home at 14, I think that’s kinda the opposite of overbearing.”
She gasps, “Well don’t make me sound like a bad parent, Gguk! Just look how far you’ve come, we knew you could do anything you worked for, and you have.”
“Yeah,” Jeongguk agrees, “I have.”
-
The plane ride home is worlds different from the one Yoongi took here. For starters, he snuggles right up to Jeongguk in their seat, hands clasped together. They can’t seem to let go of each other, like if they do the other will get ripped into space and lost in the wind.
Yoongi also isn’t simmering with frustration. On the way to Singapore he’d flocked straight to Taehyung. He was the only other person who knew how Yoongi felt about Jeongguk besides Jin, only Tae wasn’t trying to push Yoongi in any particular direction, for which he was immensely grateful. Taehyung easily hugged him, let them sit in silence, and grounded him as his head span. Yesterday everything felt wrong. Today, his gums are aching with the sweetness of how right it all is.
Jeongguk smells good, feels soft, and is just as eager to spend the flight together as Yoongi is.
“Wow, you’re really a pair of love birds,” Hoseok cackles upon glancing back a them.
“I miss you hyung,” Tae pouts at Yoongi, “I guess I can settle for Jimin for now, but come back any time.” He grins at Jimin who’s sitting next to him and Jimin rolls his eyes.
“Just keep your hands to yourself, okay?” Seokjin warns.
“Oh my god, hyung. We’re literally on an airplane, we’re not that horny,” Yoongi argues.
He shivers when he feels Jeongguk’s lips pressed against his ear, close and quiet, “I could change that.”
Yoongi reddens, and Jin sighs in exasperation.
“Guys, keep it PG, please?” Namjoon calls out from the front.
“Of course,” Yoongi says, offended, just as Jeongguk replies:
“No promises.”
Yoongi elbows him and Jeongguk feigns pain, clutching his stomach and frowning with huge eyes at Yoongi. The elder glares, trying not to give in to the look. Jeongguk raises his brows and Yoongi exhales, “I’m sorry.”
“Thank you.”
“You trying to be difficult?”
“Are you?” Jeongguk retorts.
Yoongi sputters, “What does that even mean?”
“How hard are you gonna make me work for a kiss, hyung?”
Yoongi’s chest constricts and he beams at Jeongguk, “Why didn’t you say so?”
He leans forward and brushes his lips over the younger’s ever so softly, hardly any pressure at all, and then pulls back. Jeongguk looks awestruck, and Yoongi bats his eyes innocently.
“What was that?” Jeongguk whispers as the jet comes alive, beginning to drive down the airstrip.
“A kiss.”
“I feel cheated.”
“Then why don’t you steal a kiss?” Yoongi suggests.
Jeongguk smirks at that, and tightens the arm he has around Yoongi’s back, using his other hand to turn Yoongi’s face towards his own. He breathes against Yoongi’s lips and the elder stares at him, wanting so badly for Jeongguk to kiss him. He’s wanted Jeongguk to kiss him for months, and wanted to kiss him as often as possible during this week. But everything's different now.
The kisses they’ve shared since last night have been unlike anything else. They weren’t weighted down by expectations or secrets or guilty desires, they’ve been pure. Good intentioned, loving, happy through-and-through. Not heavy with fear or desperate to prove anyone’s worth. Yoongi isn’t trying to seduce Jeongguk with his body any more, he’s letting Jeongguk treat him like a treasure. It was stupid of him to ever think Jeongguk would be blinded by physical gratification. Jeongguk has never been one to ignore the emotional side of things.
It just took longer this time. And Yoongi definitely contributed to slowing that process down.
Anyway, those things happened and brought them here. Jeongguk kissing Yoongi delicately, like he’s sampling a bite of chocolate, and then kissing him again. Warm on his lips, then around his mouth and brushing over Yoongi’s eyes. It’s peaceful and careful and loving.
That’s what they promised to do now: To love each other throughout every moment, no matter their location or circumstance. That’s the only way to make this really work. Yoongi can’t hold his tongue or side-step questions, he has to embrace it. Be direct. Be honest.
And Jeongguk, they agreed, needs to be honest about being confused. Needs to hold Yoongi accountable, and make sure he asks for what he wants not just what he thinks is more logical, or easier.
Yoongi feels the tell-tale tug of Jeongguk pulling on his hair and Yoongi opens his eyes. Jeongguk is right there in front of him, head resting against the chair cushion as he gazes at Yoongi.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” Yoongi asks, the plane beginning to speed down the track.
“You’re beautiful.”
Yoongi blushes, “Shut up. Hold my hand.”
Jeongguk takes Yoongi’s hand and pulls it to his chest, hanging on tight as the jet lifts off on their stomachs drop from the pressure.
They fall asleep like that. Jeongguk wrapped around Yoongi, heads lying close together, hands held. Neither of them wake until Namjoon is shaking their knees, saying that they’ve landed in Seoul. That they’re home.
-
They get into a separate SUV from the others after they pass through the airport.
Their manager, Seon, gives them a tight smile and pats Jeongguk on the back. He gets the distinct feelings that Seon feels bad for him, for both of them, like he knows what's waiting for them and is trying to be the last bit of encouragement before things fall apart. They get into the car, and Jeongguk is grateful to spot Chaol sitting in the front seat. They need all the friendly faces they can get today.
"Hey guys," their driver says. "How goes it?"
"Fabulous," Yoongi replies dramatically, "Just fabulous."
"I take it that wasn't supposed to happen?" Chaol asks as Seon shuts the doors and hops inside.
"Definitely not," Seon answers before Jeongguk even gets the chance to speak. "We're taking them to the big boss now."
"Oof, sure we can't just take them home?"
"They wish," Seon says, eyes meeting Jeongguk's eyes in the rear-view mirror as they pull away form the airport, heading down the highway and through traffic.
"I'm sorry," Jeongguk suddenly announces. Yoongi squeezes his thigh and Jeongguk glances at him. (He's so glad he's not alone anymore.)
Seon raises a brow, "For what?"
"For everything. For this. For making things harder than they needed to be and making you deal with all the fallout."
Their manager sighs, runs a hand over his face, "It's okay. Really. The life you two lead, I can't even imagine. I get to be the man behind the curtain but you boys are always front and centre. The pressure that comes with that position, especially now, is something I'm thankful I never have to face. You're doing good things out there," he pauses, "if you were a couple of assholes I would have quit long ago. But you're good people, you're bringing people together, and you have pride in our culture, our language, and yourselves. I'm not gonna disown you for a little kiss."
"It wasn't exactly little," Chaol laughs.
Jeongguk takes a deep breath, smiling. He takes Yoongi's hand in his and they both relax just a little bit.
(But where they're going isn't here. Who they're meeting isn't so easy going. There's still time for everything to go wrong.)
"Oh, guys, Yoongi," Chaol grins at the in the mirror, "Guess what?"
"Whats that?" Yoongi prompts.
"Nayoung and I - I got her personal number, we started talking."
"That's great! Congrats."
"Hah, nothing wild is happening yet, but I have hopes," Chaol admits sheepishly.
"That's all you need," Yoongi assures, and Jeongguk knows he's also talking about them.
The contrast of their situation is all too apparent. The ease with which Chaol and Nayoung's relationship can progress whereas Jeongguk and Yoongi's cannot. They're stuck in quicksand, waiting for the ground to pull them all the way in or for someone to save them. They can't rely just on each other to make this possible, they have to rely on everybody else to have their backs.
-
It’s weird to be back in this room.
The last time they were in this conference room Yoongi thought - or maybe a lack of thought was the whole problem - that it was a great idea for them to pretend to date. Yoongi cringes now as they walk into the room, bright light streaming in through the windows and the table scrubbed clean. If only some sun and paper towels could make everything else in their life neat and tidy.
"Nayoung-ssi," Yoongi says suddenly, "I don't want to deny my sexuality."
"We're not asking you to," she responds smoothly, "We just need to establish that your relationship is platonic and the kiss was a joke, not meant to be taken seriously."
"I get that," Yoongi assures and his eyes flicker to Jeongguk briefly, "But, what if we went the opposite way with it."
"You mean...?" Nayoung frowns, puzzled.
"I mean tell everyone that we are in relationship."
She laughs (Jeongguk's stomach plummets) and then she pauses and Yoongi gives her a hard look, "Wait. You're serious?"
"Yes. I am. We shouldn't have to lie about our sexualities, but mostly I'm concerned about us portraying gay people as spectacles. If we say it was fan service then it's like admitting we're making fun of that, or using how fans ship us for attention. But if we come out as being in a genuine relationship, we can be role models for future generations to look up to. We'll be able to prove it's not a scandal, that we're not disbanding, and that everything was consensual, and that we're just—" Yoongi meets Jeongguk's eyes— "Tired of hiding."
The situation now is almost identical. Yoongi is desperate to fight for their freedom. To defend himself, and Jeongguk, and demand their right to be truthful. He wants them to have total control over their relationship, but he admits there will probably still be some restrictions. That’s fine. As long they’re not told they can’t like they’re incapable of being careful.
All they’ve been is careful, and it’s exhausting.
Jeongguk goes around the table and sits on the opposite side. Yoongi sits across from him, meeting the other man’s gaze anxiously. They look at the head of the table, and there sits Bang PD, Bang, Sihyuk, “hitman” Bang - whatever you want to call him - with his fingers laced, peering through his glasses at each of them carefully. Yoongi’s gut twists with nerves. They’ve know Bang for years, and they’ve become friends, but this company is his legacy and he holds the life of them in his hands. It would be naive not to respect him.
Nayoung sits to his right, smiling gently at them, but the tightness around her eyes suggests she shares a similar feeling of stress. Yoongi feels bad, they fucked things up for her, and he knows she went to bat for them to have this fake relationship, to come out, and now they've gone and screwed her over. Jeongguk said he called her and apologized, she had said she wasn’t upset, but Yoongi doesn’t totally believe it. This could cost her the job.
Yoongi tucks his hands between his thighs, trying not to let the nerves shaking his bones show through. Jeongguk does something similar, shoulders folding in slightly in an attempt to look smaller. Yoongi can’t help but think this wasn’t supposed to happen.
Things were euphoric yesterday. All of it so new and unexpected.
Jeongguk had come up to him on stage, and of course Yoongi leaned into him and said goodbye to the crowd with him. Yoongi was focused on the fans, glimpsing faces amongst ARMY bombs and trying to take in the pure size of the stadium. There he was, living out a dream in real life.
In that moment, he had been making peace with himself. Making peace with the tide of emotions crashing and brewing inside him, afraid and weary of everything. He wondered how he could be so greedy as to want more than this. More than a stadium full of people, more than being internationally successful, more than pulling people through hard times. He thought it was selfish of him to want Jeongguk when he already had everything else. But, they weren’t wrong when they said money can’t buy you love.
So he was watching the fans, basking in their glow, their love, their surety and passion and genuinity. Trying to take all of it and shape it to fit into the cracks in his heart, seal it up with the glue. But even as he tried, Jeongguk's hand on his waist reminded him that nothing could ever replace the ache for romance nestled in chest.
It became too much, and the music was beginning to loop, the last puffs of confetti falling to the stage. He had turned, tried to escape Jeongguk’s closeness because it was too much, he saw the others leaving, and he accepted that the moment was over. It was time to go.
But then something happened. And he wasn’t ready, but even if he had been warned beforehand he still wouldn't have been ready.
Nothing could have prepared him for the press of Jeongguk’s lips on his own as they stood on stage. Deja vu had washed over him, flashbacks to Nagoya and the moment he’d been told was a mistake over and over again. He was terrified by the thought of Jeongguk repeating his mistakes, and doing it for nothing.
As he had paced outside the room Jimin dragged the youngest into. His heart had been pounding out of his chest, mouth dry, unable to catch his breath. He was bewildered and shaking from shock. And angry wasn’t an emotion Yoongi felt often, but he was dancing on the line of fed-up and over it. He was tearing at the seams, about to burst.
The night felt like some wild hallucination, some fever dream, and Yoongi still couldn’t get a grasp on things completely as he and Jeongguk traded spiteful words. Upset at each other but mostly, at least in Yoong’s case, at himself.
The way Jeongguk had said, “Yoongi, don’t forget this was your idea,” made his entire world shatter. The fuzzy edges of his vision became clear, the tiles met the soles of his shoes and the adrenaline coursing through him felt like a drug. The world became real again, and the pain in his chest was no longer numb. It just hurt. He didn’t want to fight.
He was in love with Jeongguk, nothing more and certainly nothing less. The argument was pointless to Yoongi because he knew it wouldn’t change anything.
Felt that way when Jeongguk kissed him again, when Yoongi literally came - hot and sticky and gross - in his jeans.
And the earth tilted on its axis and everything fell into place. And, well.
Here they are. Facing the consequences.
“I’m not mad,” Bang starts, fiddling his thumbs and looking at the table. “I’m disappointed that you were dishonest with Nayoung-ssi, and that you acted thoughtlessly and without instruction. You’re Bangtan Sonyeondan, you can’t behave recklessly.”
Shame washes over Yoongi and he averts his gaze to stare at Nayoung's laptop, closed in front of her.
“I’ve read and heard a lot of things from a lot of people this week,” Bang continues, tone light but there’s heaviness like a chain and ball tied to each word. “Some good, some bad. Are you losing control of your artists? Will they run the company into the ground? Are you going to court again? Will you charge them for reputation damages? My mother even called and demanded to know if I would keep you on, and she’s never asked about my business decisions before.”
Yoongi’s eyes fall shut, this isn’t good. He doesn’t know where this is going, because he doesn't have any frame of reference. There’s nothing to compare it to. Bang has been encouraging and full of praises for years, worried over their health and happiness, and made constant compromises with the members. But this is different. There isn’t even a chance to compromise because Yoongi and Jeongguk have made a decision without consultation.
If you can even call falling in love a decision, being in love a choice.
“We’re private, which is good, because otherwise I can guarantee you our stocks would have dropped. Thankfully, none of our investors or producers have dropped out, and the administration is still intact. The board is a little antsy and uncomfortable, they wanted to take immediate action on Monday and lock some things down on you two, to make sure this never happens again. I got a call early this morning, and I started wondering what would have happened if we made some policy changes beginning in Nagoya. Maybe then Singapore could have prevented.”
Yoongi hates hearing him talk like this. Like it could have been fixed.
“We’re a company that is meant to give people music and artists for healing. We’re supposed to ease their pain and bring a smile to their faces,” Yoongi glances up again and finds Bang locked onto him. “But we’re not just here to heal fans, we’re here to heal ourselves through the music we make and performances we bring. My number one priority for you boys when you debuted was to have you succeed, and then you did and I started valuing your happiness more. I should have valued it from the beginning.”
Yoongi furrows his brow, stealing a glance at Jeongguk who looks a mixture of concerned and confused.
“I’ve heard a lot of good things this week,” Bang suddenly smiles, just a little, but enough Yoongi’s heart beats faster. “My daughter called me and thanked me for supporting you guys. Some of the board members celebrated being the beginning of a revolution, and I got a thousand emails in my inbox asking for an interview of you two boys and how life has been for you living in the closet. I read articles and watched the news, and I realised that I’ve been holding you back.”
Bang takes a deep breath and raises his eyebrows, unfolding his hands and patting the table, “I like you better when you’re natural, and I think everybody prefers you being honest. I was keeping you from happiness, and I put you in boxes. You’re becoming icons, and you already were. But now you’re representing so much more than just K-pop and song and rap. You’re both bigger than what BigHit is worthy of. I am disappointed. But I’m disappointed in myself for not letting you be everything you are. Wounds happened because of the expectations placed upon you, and I think it’s time I begin healing them. What do you think about that?”
Bang looks back and forth between them, and Yoongi has a lump in his throat. He can’t bring himself to utter a word.
“That would be great,” Jeongguk says, smiling with a glimmer of tears in his eyes.
“Alright,” Bang nods and smiles at Yoongi kindly. “And you?”
“Yeah,” Yoongi manages. “Let’s do that.”
-
The coffee maker gurgles angrily, steam hissing, and the hot liquid at last beginning to drip into the pot. Jeongguk stares at it blankly, two mugs gripped in his hands.
Being home again feels strange. Everything looks the same, but everything else is different.
“Jeongguk.”
He shakes himself, spinning to see Yoongi in the entryway.
“Yeah?”
“You good?”
“Yeah,” he says automatically, “are you?”
Yoongi smiles, gummy, “Yeah.”
Jeongguk grins, heart swelling, and goes to Yoongi. He hugs him close and tight, Yoongi’s head almost tucked beneath his chin. He rocks them back and forth. Part of him still can’t believe that this is happening. That Yoongi is his and that he is Yoongi’s. That they're dating and the whole fucking world knows it. Just a year ago, something like this would have been impossible. Or at least—unimaginable.
They stay like that until Yoongi bites playfully at Jeongguk’s neck, signalling that the coffee is done enough for them to fill their cups.
They break apart for Yoongi to go to the pot, and Jeongguk wraps his arms around the elder’s waist, holding his back to Jeongguk’s chest. Yoongi laughs, but Jeongguk can see how flustered he is by the pink of his ears. He clings to Yoongi even as they go to the living room, sitting on the couch.
They’re alone in the dorms. They have a break for five days before they’re back at it in the recording studio, doing dance practice, and filming pieces for their next album. There’s a lot of moving parts and all of them are starting to come together, largely due to Yoongi and Namjoon's patience and coordination - their ability to visualize song concepts and physically recreate them. Put their heart into the lyrics and know when to let someone else make changes. It’s all happening so quickly. Like everything is.
He and Yoongi chose to take a day at the dorms before parting to see their families separately.
They sit with coffee in their hands, an shōjo anime on the screen, and legs overlapping beneath a comfy blanket. Yoongi interlocks their fingers and they watch the show comfortably, happily, in one another’s presence. No pressure to be found anywhere, a work-ban in place.
If they were any other couple (Jeongguk’s heart still races at that term, they're a couple now) this time would probably be better spent talking. Discussing the ins-and-outs of their wants and needs. Especially after the week they just had, communication seems critical right now.
But the thing is—
They have time. In fact, they have all the time in the world. For now, their only obligation is to be there for each other, to be honest, to not be afraid to hang on tightly.
To give their whole selves a chance to experience this. To not hold back.
That includes these quiet moments of resting on a couch.
“Hyung,” Jeongguk says after a while.
“Mm?”
“Will you look at, uh, Twitter with me?”
Yoongi seems surprised by the request, but quickly scoots closer, laying back on Jeongguk's chest as the younger grabs his phone out and holds it in front of both of them so Yoongi can see.
“What do you want to check for?” Yoongi asks, “Or are you just gonna save more kissing photos onto your camera roll?”
“Hey! I wasn’t kidding when my mom said she’d frame one.”
Yoongi laughs, and then they fall back into silence. Reading and scrolling.
There are dozens of photos of Jeongguk kissing Yoongi. This time their faces were on the big screens, so there’s some of those too. Close-up shots and full-body and videos and people screaming in the background, volume increasing dramatically when their lips meet.
@plushypark BITCH im ajdjahjdhsjdhsjdjkdkdksjs how is yoongi even alive after that
@opalhoney they’re so beautiful oh my god
@junipersuga this is so fucking important. They’re so important. They literally said fuck homophobia, huh? They’re out there being the best of the best and being themselves and literally nothing else matters
@bb_bubby jeongguk has stars in his eyes when he looks at yoongi which means yoongi=stars
@floweryoon popular opinions: why do you love yoonkook?
Replying to @floweryoon: their heighT DIFFERENCE uwu
Replying to @floweryoon: Jeongguk loves Yoongi’s mouth and wrists and Yoongi loves Jeongguk’s hands
Replying to @floweryoon: yoongi’s muscle kink and jeongguk not being afraid to flex it
Replying to @floweryoon: they’re SOFT bois who I wiLL kiLL for
Replying to @floweryoon: Suga wouldn’t scold Jeongguk when he was teaching him piano
Replying to @floweryoon: They’re introverted babies
Replying to @floweryoon: because i can live vicariously through them lmao
Replying to @floweryoon: They love each other
Replying to @floweryoon: they KISSED ON STAGE I MEAN COME ON ;-; (TWICE)
Replying to @floweryoon: For defying any and all expectations
Replying to @floweryoon: they single-handedly destroyed toxic heteronormativity
Replying to @floweryoon: They inspired me to ask out the girl I have a crush on, she said yes!
Replying to @floweryoon: I know they support me now, I’m a gay army and I was scared that they didn’t really think or care about us. But wow, now I know they think and care so much. They support me and I support them.
Replying to @floweryoon: They would be a bomb subunit *slides money to yoongi* make it happen
Replying to @floweryoon: They aren’t trying to be anyone but themselves, and that’s so fucking brave.
Replying to @floweryoon: I came out to my parents after they saw the news about them and said ‘good for them’ and then they said good for me too
Replying to @floweryoon: They showed my dad that it’s okay to be gay and he’s accepting me more
Replying to @floweryoon: i had three friends come out to me this week! They’ve really inspired people and opened up minds
Replying to @floweryoon: Because they’re kind and thoughtful and hardworking and I can’t imagine not knowing who they are.
Replying to @floweryoon: i love yoonkook because they make me feel understood
[View 8,964 More Replies]
It’s impossible to describe how Jeongguk feels. The impact they're having on people’s real lives is tremendous, is mind-blowing. It makes him want to work harder, and he desperately wants to cheer them on. The positivity far outweighs the negative that he’s been so fixated on. He was looking for reasons to shut himself down, so of course he had been able to find it.
But those comments don’t seem so important anymore.
This, right here, is the bigger picture. Changing lives. Sharing strength. Being unapologetic.
“Hey,” Yoongi begins, question on his lips.
“Yeah?”
“You wanna post something?”
Jeongguk grins, “A picture of us?”
“Yeah,” Yoongi smirks back.
“Do I ever,” Jeongguk agrees enthusiastically.
They get up, straighten their hair and clothes, and find some light in front of a blank wall, sunshine pouring over them. Yoongi takes out his phone and opens up the camera, pursing his lips.
“What should we do?”
“I can kiss you again,” Jeongguk suggests, mostly kidding. “Or we can smile, just look cute.”
“You’re always cute,” Yoongi mumbles, “That’s too easy.”
Jeongguk laughs, “Okay then what do you think?”
“Can we kiss each other?” Yoongi pouts, clearly embarrassed a bit by the request.
Jeongguk beams so wide his cheeks hurt, “We can do that.”
It seems fitting. That for once it’s not Yoongi kissing Jeongguk, or Jeongguk kissing Yoongi, it’s them kissing each other. Fully aware, fully consensual, stupidly in love. Unafraid and unabashed.
They keep giggling as they try to stay still long enough to snap a photo, but Yoongi’s arm shakes and Jeongguk doesn’t fair much better. Eventually, Yoongi just whispers fuck it and snaps the photo—blurry though it is—and uses it.
Jeongguk grins as he looks at it. It’s obviously them, but he can already picture the annoyance ARMYs will have for them taking such a shitty picture. They’ll probably think they’re drunk, which they’re not. (Except on each other.)
The younger watches Yoongi fumble with the Twitter functions fondly.
This time when Yoongi types the caption he doesn't have to think of anything clever or ambiguous or careful. He just has to be honest.
@BTS_twt: yoonkook is real