Work Text:
Winterfell
"Jon Snow, leave this table this very instant!" cries Lady Stark. "You are offending our royal guests with your mere existance, you bastard!"
Jon Snow rises from the table as silence falls across the hall like a wet wool blanket. "Look, lady," he says, pointing his finger at her, "you're not my fucking mother."
Robb, Arya, and Bran erupt into cheers and thunderous applause. "You tell her, bro!" they yell.
Lady Catelyn makes mortified apologies to the Queen as a good hostess should, but Cersei waves a dismissive hand as she continues her latest attempt to break her record for number of bottles of wine chugged consecutively.
Sansa also attempts to excuse her siblings' behavior, but to the Prince instead of the queen. Joffery ignores her in favor of admiring his reflection in his sword.
Suddenly, a white walker bursts into the hall. People begin to shriek and run aimlessly about, but the walker ignores them all. He calmly strides to the head table, where he consumes Joffery whole, without even chewing.
"Hey," the King exclaims, "What was that for?!"
"Kid was a right bastard." the walker mutters as he disappears.
"Fair enough." the King says.
Jaime begins to beat his head on the table, Tyrion and Greyjoy begin giggling hysterically, and Cersei orders two more bottles of wine. It's a record-breaking night.
In the corner, Eddard Stark keels over and goes to meet his maker, but no one is particuarly surprised.
"Come ON, " they say, "he WAS Sean Bean."
"Hodor!" says Hodor.
fin