Chapter Text
Their attempts at creating jealousy was as successful as their tries at kabedonning each other.
Sometimes, when they practiced it would go well. Hinata would slide into a faux smooth alpha, whispering sweet nothings into Kageyama’s ears and leaving abruptly.
It made Kageyama’s skin prick, made his palms sweat, made his heart skip three beats at once.
When Ito was around, however, Hinata tripped everywhere, leaning in too close, moving back too fast, lingering when he wasn’t meant to-
He was a mess.
And Kageyama would break character. His blush would be swept away and he would muffle a laugh behind his palm. He would kick Hinata’s leg, for messing up and Hinata would smack him upside the head, for kicking him.
“Ridiculous,” Akane muttered, grinning and Ito clenched her fists.
Being the first to make Kageyama laugh with no restriction... It was a weird fantasy to have and Hinata had wrinkled his nose when Ito told him three months ago. Still, Ito thought about it, dreamt about it, lived in the thought.
Infatuation was not a good look on her.
Seeing Hinata lean into Kageyama, whisper weirdly in his ear, blow into his ear, laugh with him- make him laugh in return-
It made Ito’s blood curdle in strange ways, it made her desperation peak into a rise wave, it made jealousy crash down, like the ocean mid storm.
God, she was jealous.
Who did Hinata think he was? Going after the guy she had been pining after for so long…
“Ridiculous,” Ito mimicked and turned around.
Kageyama invited Hinata to his house on Friday.
“To- to look at manga. For inspiration for our...weird jealousy thing.”
Hinata snorted, “Pff, sure. For manga studying only,” he joked.
“Yes. It’s basically studying.”
“Of course. This is business.”
They ended up reading manga for three hours, tossing along comments. Hinata laid stomach first on the bed while Kageyama laid upside down by the wall, his legs propped up, defying gravity.
“How can you read upside down?” Hinata asked.
“I can concentrate better.”
Hinata just shrugged. A few minutes later he piped up with a laugh.
“Look at this guy! Look at his face!” Hinata rolled his head down and flipped towards the wall nimbly to mimic Kageyama’s upside down position. His legs knocked against Kageyama’s and his shoulder nudged into his.
He shoved the manga he was holding under Kageyama’s nose to show a panel.
“Looks like you when you’re hungry,” Kageyama commented and Hinata stuck out his tongue.
His hair was tousled and swept up, out of his eyes. The light from the window crept up the bedsheets and along the left of Hinata’s face. He turned his head, to look at Kageyama fully and the light only touched the ends of his hair, lighting it on fire. Flashes of marigold and amber swayed as he moved his head.
He looked…
Really beautiful.
Hinata giggled suddenly.
“Why do you always look at me like that?” Hinata asked, “like...I dunno what to call it. You don’t look mad. Or amused. Or angry. You just look...weird.”
Kageyama’s eyes widened and he snapped his gaze to the ceiling.
“Fine, I won’t look at you.”
Hinata whined and without warning he clambered onto Kageyama. He loomed over him and grabbed his face so Kageyama had no choice but to look at Hinata.
“Don’t...stop,” Hinata said, “I didn’t say stop.”
Kageyama’s cheeks blazed alight and Hinata’s grip on his chin grew stronger.
“Let go of my face,” he said, his voice low and crackling- like short flames along firewood. The ends of his voice drawled into a rasp and Hinata closed his mouth tight.
“No…”
Kageyama grabbed his face in return. It was a soft grip, he didn’t have the heart to squish his cheeks until temporary red indents formed.
His limbs felt weak and his hand kept slipping off. Strangely enough, he didn’t want to stop holding Hinata. He slid his fingers up, into his hair and he gripped the flame-like locks.
The air between them felt like the pink reflections along cotton candy clouds during a ripe sunset.
Like fireworks along the pale blue sky.
Like morning rain and faded mirages of every shade.
Kageyama could hear his own heart, thudding not too fast and not too slow and if he held his breath for long enough, he could hear Hinata’s pulse as well.
(I like you, that’s what that look means…)
Before Hinata’s eyes could glaze over further, before his blush could reach his collarbones, he bounded away and the moment was gone.
Kageyama blinked once. Twice and then his eyes fluttered rapidly.
He turned over and buried his face into the sheets, trying to hide his blush. The tips of his ears betrayed him but he didn’t have time to worry.
He was too busy fretting over the words he didn’t say. The words that were on the edge of his tongue, the words that held too much meaning.
“Which manga are you even reading?” Hinata asked, trying to settle the tremble in his voice.
After a while, Kageyama sat up and showed Hinata the cover.
He hoped Hinata wouldn’t point out the blush that stained his nose and cheeks.
When Hinata left, Kageyama sat in his room, surrounded by old manga, new manga, old feelings turned new.
It made him giddy- these feelings, the accidental brushes against fingers, the almosts that stay almosts, the fantasies that stay fantasies.
He thought about eyes, brown eyes that glimmer blonde, hands riddles with callouses, bitten lips that stay wet.
Lips-
“I want to kiss him again,” Kageyama whispered, comforted by the privacy of his room.
Because his next kiss- their next kiss will be...meaningful. It wouldn’t be stolen and cheap under dollar store rave lights.
His phone buzzed. It was Hinata.
Kageyama grabbed his phone quickly and watched the notifications pop up, one after another.
He waited a minutes, two minutes- he didn’t want to look too eager.
He opened his phone and read through the messages. They were about Ito, food, and then more about Ito.
Kageyama let his phone drop onto his bed.
Ito.
How could he forget about her?
It will never be easy, Kageyama thought, liking Hinata will never be easy.
Hinata would smile at him, his cheeks soft and eyes soft- except he would never meet Kageyama’s eye. He will continue to look three centimeters above Kageyama’s shoulder, at Ito sitting a few seats away.
Ito, a girl who would never turn to meet Hinata’s eyes the same way Kageyama vowed to.
It angered Kageyama and now his eyebrows were tilted down dangerously. She- she was horrible- a devil who didn’t know when to appreciate, how to appreciate.
A moron who would mistake gold for a rotten apple.
Kageyama brought it up on Monday, when Hinata would try to discuss different ways to make Ito jealous.
“Do you really want to continue this?” Kageyama asked, every statement from Hinata pissing him off.
“Huh?” Hinata asked, turning to look up at Kageyama.
“It’s...stupid right? It won’t work. This whole plan is dumb.”
“What are you saying?” Hinata asked, putting away his chopsticks.
“I’m saying that...you’re wasting your time. On her.”
Between the gaps of his pauses, Kageyama kept all the things he wanted to say. She doesn’t deserve you, Hinata. Don’t look at her.
Look at me.
Keep looking at me.
Don’t stop looking at me.
Hinata stood up.
“Are you saying she’s too good for me? I’m too short? This is something that wasn’t meant to happen?”
“What-”
“I know,” Hinata interrupted, “I know she’s out of my league.”
“No, moron.”
“Well, what are you trying to say?” Hinata demanded, glaring down at Kageyama.
(Like me instead).
Kageyama stayed silent and Hinata rolled his eyes.
“You think this is useless right?” he asked, “was this all to humour me?”
Hinata kept going.
“You really do pity me,” Hinata gasped, “I thought you were kidding before, but-”
Kageyama stood up too- this was stupid, he never should have brought it up.
He couldn’t have Hinata doubting him, couldn’t have him feeling upset, couldn’t have him turning away from Kageyama.
If he turned away from Kageyama for long enough, he might just stop looking at him entirely.
“I don’t pity you! It’s just- I was...worried,” Kageyama lied.
“Worried?”
“Worried that it might not work out for you,” Kageyama shrugged.
“It will,” Hinata said, “you’re with me. So it will.”
Kageyama felt around three arrows pierce his heart right then and there.
Noya asked about it after practice. Hinata had gone home early and so did everyone else. Kageyama stayed, helping Noya pack up the nets.
“What the fuck is up with you and Hinata being so gay with each other?” Noya asked almost too suddenly.
“Huh?” Kageyama said, dropping a volleyball.
“You heard me. That’s all I see when you two are together. You dating him?”
“What?!” Kageyama hissed, “no, Jesus…”
“You want to, right?”
“...No.”
Noya smacked his shoulder as he pass by, “you hesitated.”
“No… listen, it’s dumb. We’re trying to make Ito jealous I guess. So that she likes Hinata.”
Noya stared at him before laughing into his elbow.
“You two seriously think that’d work?” Noya asked.
“...Yeah.”
“No you don’t,” Noya said simply.
“Exactly- wh- no-”
“Has anyone told you you’re the worst liar?” Noya asked, “anyways, why are you going along with it?”
Kageyama rolled his eyes.
“I don’t need to have this conversation with you.”
He turned to leave but Noya gripped his shoulder softly.
“Yeah. You need to.”
They ended up sitting side by side by the stairs, gripping onto their water bottles.
“That guy’s stupid, y’know? He has liked Ito for so fucking long and he hasn’t done shit about it. He even listens to her when she whines about other guys. When she whines about me. Why does he even do that? It’s just gonna hurt him more, what an idiot.”
Noya stroked his chin.
“Right, but what does that have to do with you?”
Kageyama stayed silent.
“Here’s my hypothesis,” Noya cleared his throat, “Hinata likes Ito. Ito likes you. You like Hinata and you’re using his crush on Ito as an excuse to spend more time with him.”
Kageyama continued to stay silent but his expression gave everything away.
“You’re just hurting yourself, right? Cuz he’s like, obsessed with this Ito girl. And you just have to deal with it. So why aren’t you prioritising your own feelings?”
Kageyama shrugged, “well, I like to look at him when he’s happy so…and- and when he looks at me, I just can’t say no to him.”
Noya clapped his hands, “Kageyama! You know what I realised?”
“What?”
“You’re a massive cuck.”
“I’m not!”
“Yes you are!”
Kageyama stared at the ground, clenching his jaw because Noya was right. He is a cuck- he’s probably more of a cuck than Hinata.
“God…”
“So stop being a cuck.”
Kageyama glared at Noya, “as if it’s that easy!”
Noya shrugged, “it is.”
He gave Kageyama a lot to think about and Kageyama found it hard to sleep that night. He stayed tossing and turning, getting up to drink water, milk, air-
Deluded by midnight thoughts, he decided right then and there to confess after school.
He chickened out in the morning. Hinata clung onto him, a lot more than usual that day.
Class droned down to white noise and Hinata yawned quietly. Ito tapped her foot on Hinata’s table and he yawned again, tipping his chair back far enough for his head to nestle comfortably on top of Akane’s pencil case.
Again, she laughed and pulled at the hair that covered his forehead. He smiled and looked diagonally, at Kageyama.
He was looking at Hinata, he had always been looking at Hinata.
They didn’t look away; it wasn’t a stare of shame. Hinata smiled at Kageyama- a smile that felt foreign even to him.
It was a soft smile, barely there, reserved for those who needed to see it. Kageyama kept staring at him the way he always stared, mouth parted and eyes soft.
Hinata winked slyly and Kageyama narrowed his eyes.
This was...a different kind of stare and it made Hinata drop his smile, made his blush flow down his stomach, into his pants.
Kageyama shifted and fuck- was he smirking? Without warning, Kageyama returned Hinata’s wink with a wink of his own and Hinata shuddered.
He tried to sit up quickly, frazzled by the exchange and his chair tilted too far and he crashed to the floor.
The class turned to him, yelling, gasping and laughing. Hinata peeked over Akane’s table to see Kageyama turned away, a hand over his mouth and his shoulders trembling with laughter.
Recently, Hinata really couldn’t stop thinking about Kageyama.
He thought about him at night, he had thoughts- weird thoughts that would catch him off guard, thoughts of the kiss, how he never really hated it, how sometimes it looked like Kageyama was about to kiss him again.
He’d think about Kageyama’s stare- how it was a special stare that he had reserved for Hinata and Hinata only.
He pondered about the stare, he wondered what it meant, what mixture of emotions it carried, why he only looked at Hinata like that.
Some days, he would find his brain completely absent of Ito. He’d come to school, seeking out Kageyama, talking to Kageyama, laughing with Kageyama.
When Ito sauntered in, his world froze- but not like before. It was the uncomfortable iciness Hinata felt, like the winter mornings where the air would bite his nose before he could warm up.
Seeing her made him feel...guilty. He was supposed to like her, he does like her but for some reason, she served as a bitter reminder.
If he thought about it really hard, if he was honest with himself, he’d say he would rather spend his days with Kageyama, surrounded by almost kisses and lustful stares without the lust.
But it felt like a betrayal to his purpose, what was the chase for if he didn't end up with Ito? What was the point of wasting everyone's time. He stayed in forced denial, in bitter ignorance and with a sigh, he tried convincing himself he was after Ito- not Kageyama.
He won on Friday.
Kageyama had gone home early and Ito was there, under the shedding trees.
“I thought about what you said to me,” she said and Hinata tilted his head, “do you want to go to the movies? This Sunday?”
“Go…”
“On a date,” she clarified.
Hinata had thought about this situation- this exact scene. He had thought about the butterflies that would erupt through his stomach, the wobble in his lips, the pure excitement that would run through his veins-
He felt nothing but guilt.
“Yeah,” he said. He cleared his throat, and tried to add more enthusiasm to his words, “Yeah! Sure.”
He told Kageyama the second he got home and Kageyama sounded just as monotone as he ever did over text.
To: BAKAGEYAMA
Subject: SHE ASKED!!!!! ME OUT!!!!!
CN U CME OVR ON SYBDAY I NEED HELP IDK WAT TO WHWRE HELP HELP HELPRHERH HELP
To: Hinata Shouyou
Re: SHE ASKED!!!!! ME OUT!!!!!
k what time tho
To: BAKAGEYAMA
Re:Re: SHE ASKED!!!!! ME OUT!!!!!
YAYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!! :) :) :0 :0 :0 IM FREAKIJN OUT!!!!!
To: Hinata Shouyou
Re:Re:Re: SHE ASKED!!!!! ME OUT!!!!!
WHAT TIME DUMBASS ANSWER MY FUCKING QUESTION
Hinata tried to be excited on Sunday and he was- except, his excitement resided in the wrong reasons.
He waited by the door, wondering just what was taking Kageyama so long.
At last, Kageyama’s monotonous knock run through the hallway and Hinata flung the door open.
“You’re here!”
Hinata picked through all his clothes and Kageyama laid on Hinata’s bed, sulking silently.
“Why are you so quiet for?” Hinata asked.
“I’m always quiet.”
“Not this quiet,” Hinata said, “should I wear this?”
He held up a white shirt and Kageyama shrugged.
“You’re supposed to help!” Hinata complained.
“Well how am I supposed to know what you look like until you put it on.”
Hinata rolled his eyes and wiggled out of his sweatshirt. Immediately he whipped to look at Kageyama, cheeks red. It was a weird instance to be shy, he knew Kageyama had seen him naked in clubrooms but...there was something strange about their relationship. Something too intimate to be considered friendship.
Kageyama’s cheeks were red too and he looked away after gaping.
Hinata moved to the door, opting to change in the bathroom.
“Where are you going?” Kageyama asked.
“I...bathroom. To change.”
Kageyama raised an eyebrow, “you already took off your shirt and...I see you naked everyday.”
Hinata’s eyes grew wide.
“In the club room, dumbass,” Kageyama clarified quickly.
“Right, right…”
The silence was...made entirely of averted eyes and hushed blushes.
“So...how are dates usually like?” Hinata asked.
“Like dates.”
Hinata frowned. It was odd for Kageyama to talk in such a monotone way. He wondered what was wrong.
“Duh, stupid, but what should I expect? Give me tips Kageyama!” Hinata whined.
“I dunno. Food. Ito. Awkwardness.”
“We have to kiss,” Hinata said. He thought about it, kissing Ito and after a laboured minute he clicked his tongue- he couldn't imagine it.
“...Right,” Kageyama sighed.
“No Kageyama this is bad! I can’t imagine it.”
“Then don’t.”
“But how else am I supposed to prepare? Oh my God! Didn’t you say my kisses were bad? I’m a bad kisser,” Hinata whined, falling onto his bed on his back while his hand covered his face dramatically.
Kageyama snorted, “mmmm.”
“You’re supposed to disagree!” Hinata yelled, “how do I improve?”
“Practice.”
“How?!” Hinata yelled.
Hinata wasn’t exactly sure how his confidence boosted, what he even said, why Kageyama was looking away- he was always looking away...
“I have to practice on someone. But there’s no one who would want to practice with me.”
It was a suggestive statement and Hinata wasn’t sure if he meant to propose an idea.
Kageyama sat up straighter on the bed. He rubbed the back of his neck, bashfully almost.
“You know…”
“...Yeah?”
“Um-”
They were sentences born to never end but Hinata knew where Kageyama’s train of thought led to.
Well, he hoped Kageyama’s train of thought was the same as his.
Hinata stood up and so did Kageyama. Hinata counted it as unwritten consent.
“Why was my kiss bad last time?” Hinata asked and it seemed to break all the tension.
Kageyama snorted, “it was sloppy and stiff with no real technique.”
“There’s techniques in kissing?”
“Obviously! You can’t be stiff and breathe too much- it’s weird. And don’t panic too much. Ito would be...able to feel it.”
“Right,” Hinata nodded.
His confidence, his thoughts- it all wavered and he stalled by positioning Kageyama how he assumed his kiss with Ito would go.
It took too long but Kageyama didn’t seem to mind as much.
The kiss took longer, every time he leaned up with his lips pouted Kageyama would lean away and yell at him to close his eyes.
“I need to see you!” Hinata yelled.
“No you don’t! It’s weird!”
“What if I miss?”
“You won’t- idiot.”
He missed but then he started cackling.
They couldn’t stall for much longer, Kageyama couldn’t stop leaning away, he couldn’t continue to pretend this was only “practice for Hinata.”
Hinata couldn’t continue to think this was for the sake of Ito.
His heart was beating as loud as his breathing and truthfully, it had been thundering against his ribcage the second Kageyama agreed, he was too high on adrenaline to notice.
The quiet that fell between them let the absurdity of the situation really sink in. They were going to kiss under the disguise of practice, Hinata was going to feel Kageyama’s lips again and this time he would be aware.
It made him shiver, tremble, shake- both from excitement and anxiety.
Before cowardice could control him, Hinata surged up and gripped Kageyama by his collar. He smushed his lips to Kageyama’s, relishing in the surprised noise Kageyama let out.
After a few tense seconds, he relaxed into the kiss. His tightly pressed lips slackened to a soft press of skin. Kageyama tilted his head, to deepen the kiss and Hinata sighed into his mouth. Kageyama reached up to cup his cheeks, to press his thumbs into his soft skin and he almost smiled into Hinata's mouth, pleased by how his fingers sunk in.
His fingers were now entangled in Hinata’s hair and all Hinata was surrounded by the warm breeze found only in the depths of night.
Thoughts of techniques melted away and all he could feel was Kageyama, the night, Kageyama and Tobio.
Kageyama abruptly switched pace, he sped up the kiss while rolling his head to a quiet beat and all Hinata could do was moan.
It was quiet moan- something far from sexual- something all too innocent for this moment but it fired up something within Kageyama and fuck- he could do this forever.
Hinata’s grip tightened and so did Kageyama’s. Hinata clenched onto him, his closed eyes fluttered at the thought of being surrounded by nothing except Kageyama.
He didn’t feel fireworks, nor did he feel butterflies.
He felt the ghost of 3am stars gathering into a nebula.
He felt the comfort of a bonfire under the moonlit sky.
He felt cobalt, sapphire, navy- all these shades of blue he couldn’t dream of pronouncing. He felt the thunderings of clouds slamming into each other, he felt the adrenaline of a rollercoaster spiralling down- he felt the crescendo of passionate violins.
He was the first to detach himself from the kiss, and Kageyama followed his mouth, his eyes still closed but his mouth refusing to clamp shut.
Hinata parted his eyes and looked at Kageyama.
He could tell the feeling was mutual.
Still he asked, seeking clarity.
“How was that?”
And Kageyama lied, knowing that if he told the full truth their kisses would end, Hinata would stop trembling in his arms and he would let go of his crumpled collar.
“Terrible,” his voice was too soft, too husky, too sensual for such a word.
“Huh?” Hinata said, his mind refusing to process Kageyama’s words.
“Terrible. Terrible, terrible- you call that a kiss? It’s worse...than your first kiss.”
Hinata stared up at him, his glazed eyes gone and his grip loose. Kageyama worried he took it too far- fuck, Hinata was probably mad now-
Hinata’s grip on his collar tightened and he pushed Kageyama onto the bed and crawled onto his thighs before Kageyama could blink.
“Oi-” Kageyama’s surprised yell was cut off by Hinata’s tongue delving into his mouth. He grabbed at Hinata, grabbed at his back, clawed at his shirt-
Hinata shifted, tilted his head the other way and Kageyama moaned into his mouth, his lashes fluttering and hands possessive.
His hands ended up untucking Hinata’s shirt, ended up under against his warm skin and Hinata gasped all too loud- arching his back at the touch.
They refused to stop, both clawed at each other, refusing to be left behind, refusing to stop touching.
Kageyama was the first to pull back, gasping out breaths he had been keeping in.
“How was that, huh?” Hinata asked, an eyebrow rising. It was mocking, cocky- sly and Kageyama rolled over so Hinata was under him.
It was the confidence in knowing Hinata wanted this just as much as he did that made him roll his hips down while he licked into Hinata’s mouth.
Hinata’s, soft, loud, filtered, unfiltered moans encouraged him to press harder, to kiss deeper, to hold him down longer-
Kageyama couldn’t stop, he only paused to bite lightly on Hinata’s lower lip and pull back, dragging his lip out. Their eyes would part slightly and Kageyama would let go, watching Hinata’s bottom lip bounce back into place and Hinata moaned, low and sweet.
It was addictive, and Hinata bit into his bottom lip and sucked on it, as an apology.
(I like you).
He might’ve whispered that into the heat of the moment, and Hinata might’ve heard it, under the sounds of lips against lips, sighs against groans.
He never answered, perhaps his mumbles were swept away and Hinata rolled with him, breaths heavy, lips desperate and glazed eyes rolled to the back of their heads.
Hinata’s alarm rang and Kageyama jumped away.
Hinata crawled over to his phone, blinking the haze in his eyes away.
“I should head out now,” he said, disappointment weighing down his words.
“...Right,” Kageyama said after a pause, “yeah, you should go.”
He really didn’t want to go.
Hinata stalled, shifting one foot to another.
“The fuck are you waiting for?” Kageyama asked, “don’t fuck up your date before it even starts.”
Hinata nodded and grabbed his bag.
Kageyama went with him and they trudged down the stairs.
“I should get home,” he said while slipping on his shoes and Hinata nodded.
Right.
“Was my kiss good?” Hinata asked.
Kageyama snorted. He looked at the door. He looked pained.
“Yeah, if you kiss her like that she’ll….she’ll probably fall for you.”
Hinata stared at him, his heart beating fast. Suddenly, he felt himself not wanting that and disappointment weighed him down.
It was a nice compliment- the nicest compliment he has ever recieved from Kageyama but-
He wished Kageyama never answered.
“Thanks,” he said when he could talk and Kageyama nodded. Curt. Short.
“Good luck,” Kageyama said. Before he could leave, he inhaled sharply, “tell me how it went on Monday, kay?”
Hinata offered a tight lipped smile.
Kageyama raised an eyebrow at him.
“Thought you’d be more excited about this,” Kageyama commented and Hinata agreed.
Ito beckoned for him and his walk to the train station was long. He spent too much time measuring his steps, too much time staring at the sky, too much time thinking about Kageyama’s eyes.
He measured Kageyama against Ito- thought about how Ito never made him laugh as hard as Kageyama did, how he could never tousle with Ito, how her presence made him shrink, how her thoughts seemed to be more valued than his.
He thought about Kageyama, thought about their kiss- how it really wasn’t for practice because in truth, he never wants to kiss Ito like that.
And he doesn’t think he would, given the circumstances.
He wondered if he could ever pour such emotions of lust and want into a kiss with someone else, if he could taste the stars and night with someone else.
He wondered if his heart would slow and speed up at the same time with Ito.
The date dragged on.
Hinata frowned when he saw her, standing by the stairs. He wondered if it was too late to turn back but she had saw him already and he missed Kageyama already.
They watched a movie and Hinata found himself leaning away, thoroughly disconnected with the film.
He wondered why he was still with Ito.
Perhaps it was the insecurity of Kageyama not liking him back. Sure, Kageyama went along with his practice kisses, his dumb excuses to spend time together- but it might not mean anything to Kageyama. Sometimes, his lingering gazes would spell out a sense of fondness, and his smiles would mean more than “you’re funny,” and Hinata wondered, if he was projecting. He wondered if these things were just a figment of his imagination- maybe he was seeing things he wanted to see, maybe his mind was playing with him.
Maybe it was one-sided.
Maybe he values Kageyama more than Kageyama values him.
As a friend.
As a foe.
As a soulmate.
Perhaps it was out of guilt- a sense of betrayal to his former self. Ito was a girl he deemed his soulmate, he had their futures planned out. He would confess and they would date through high school, through uni, through adulthood and through their lives.
This date.
This miserable date.
Was all that he had hoped for from the beginning.
It was a day he dreamt about, a day, he planned, a day he decided would be the best day of his life.
He owed his past self this date.
She seemed as disinterested as him and he wondered again, what the point of this was.
He wished Kageyama was here.
He really missed him.
Usually, it was Hinata starting mindless conversations with Ito. His mind was too preoccupied with Kageyama and Ito staggered through their silences, thrown off by the change in their conversational dynamics.
True conversation sparked when she asked about Kageyama. Hinata talked about him for an hour straight, referencing their shenanigans, drawing in dumb things Kageyama said, talking about how Kageyama was probably the best-
“Best?” She asked, “best friend?”
“No…” he said, his voice dying off, “he’s not my friend.”
He couldn’t consider him a friend. It made his stomach drawl, made him dizzy, made him taste blood.
He looked at Ito and he tried imagining her in Kageyama’s place. He wondered about kissing her, letting her kiss him, looking at him with a smile as faint as his breath, laughing at her and her laughing at him.
It made his jaw clench- made him angry, made him feel wrong.
She asked about Kageyama some more and for once, Hinata didn’t feel jealous at all.
“Hinata...truth is, I wanted to bring you here to talk to you about...Kageyama.”
“Hm?”
Ito fiddled with her hair.
“You- you’re just so close with him recently! The closest anyone’s ever been to him and it’s- it’s perfect! You can tell him about me, you can sneak in good words about me.”
Hinata finished off his milkshake, nodding.
He was glad, this made it easier to leave Ito just as she was planning to leave him.
“Wait, what does that nod mean? You’ll do it? Please? Please, please?”
Hinata looked around the cafe, and his eyes landed on a piece of fruitcake in the display.
“Hey, do you know what Kageyama’s favourite cake is?” He asked, leaning in. Ito stared at him, eyes blinking slowly.
“No? Who would I?”
He got up and skipped to the display. He pointed at the cake and after a good three minutes, he traipsed back to Ito.
“You’re right. Why would you?” he said. His tone changed and he looked down at the table, “can I tell you a secret?”
“What?”
“I didn’t want to come today.”
Ito blinked. Then she blinked again and her jaw slackened.
“What- why?”
“Kageyama was at my place before and I wanted to spend more time with him I guess. He’s so cool…”
“You’d rather spend time with him- instead of me?”
“Well, you prefer him over me as well, right? That’s why you wanted to meet up with me, to talk about him.”
She opened and closed her mouth, trying to find a response.
“Well, anyways-” Hinata began but she interrupted with a confused grunt.
“But- but you like me. Why would you choose him over the girl you like?”
“I like him more, duh,” he said, rolling his eyes, “hey, let’s end this date-”
“Do you like him or something? In a gay way?”
Hinata paused.
“Well?” she asked, seething. She held her hand, trying to stop the slight tremble.
“Yeah...I- yeah! God…it feels so weird admitting it out loud but it- wow, I really do like him.”
She stared at him, her expression a mess of shock and confusion. Of pain and betrayal. Of anger and sadness.
“Well don’t do anything stupid like confess, he’s straight. He’s straight and he doesn’t like you.”
“Ito-”
“He doesn’t like you,” she hissed, staring down at the table, her eyes bulging from her sockets.
Hinata stayed quiet.
“He’s straight, Hinata, he’s dated girls, he’s kissed girls, he went on a date with me, he’s straight. He’s straight- get that through that thick skull of yours, he’s straight.”
“What if-”
“He’s not! He can’t be gay!” She yelled, “he can’t! He- he likes me, I can feel it, sometimes he stares at me for a long time, he- he can’t keep his eyes off me- he-”
She choked on her words and Hinata waited for her to catch his breath. He swallowed and remembered to breathe.
“And- and who’s to say he’d like you of all people? You- you’re short and you don’t ever try to look good, you’re so loud- he hates loud people, he hates flashy people- even girls don’t like you, what makes you think someone as hot as him would like you, Hinata?”
Hinata clenched his jaw and he stood up.
“You’re a fucking bitch, Ito, no wonder Kageyama thinks you’re not worth my time.”
He turned away and made his way to the door. He looked back to see Ito’s head down, her shoulders trembling with pent up rage.
He called Kageyama.
His fingers trembled and he missed the buttons too many times. He held the phone up to his ear and gripped the cake bag tighter.
Kageyama didn’t answer.
As he walked to the train station with his shaky steps, he left three voicemails, each with the same message in varying tones of artificial enthusiasm.
The fourth call cut off with a tired message of, “it looks like you do not have enough credit to make this call-”
Hinata sighed.
Monday was too far.
His mother worried about him. Throughout dinner he was quiet and distant, his eyes were glazed over and his chopsticks tapped against his plate.
He went to bed early but he refused to sleep.
He rolled around in his bedspread, one foot in his blankets, then two feet out, then he was flipping to the other side, trying to find refuge on the colder side of his bed.
He thought about Monday, thought about Kageyama’s absence, thought about how he missed him...thought about what Ito said.
It seemed ridiculous at first- Kageyama looked disappointed when Hinata broke off their kiss- that must mean something.
Ito had said he wasn’t straight and that- Hinata wondered if she was right.
He had never shown any interest in girls, sure- but he hasn’t shown any interest in boys either.
He liked commenting on how loud and obnoxious Hinata’s voice was, his laugh was. He preferred the quiet, the calm.
He was like a lake along a tranquil horizon, cold with blue and rippling with ease.
He didn’t deserve to be ruined by a splash.
They were the opposites, Kageyama liked sweet tea and Hinata lived for bitter coffee, Kageyama valued honesty as much as Hinata valued kindness. Kageyama loved silent afternoons driven by hushed whispers and Hinata loved cold mornings where they had to shout over the fog.
Opposites exist to stay opposites.
Fire and ice do not mix.
Ito was right as much as Hinata was wrong.
He thought about confessing and he laughed a bitter laugh.
Why did his tastes run in those who were out of his league?
He avoided the morning by playing a thirty minute round of ‘Snake’ on his phone. His mother said he was late and his sister called him a moron.
It was weird, feeling such anxiety before school began. He didn’t know why, he wanted to see Kageyama but-
He hadn’t called him back, didn’t answer to any of his texts except for when he left Hinata on seen.
Kageyama seemed to be avoiding him just as Hinata had been avoiding the day.
Still, he trudged through school, his lunch box filled with cake meant for Kageyama only and his knees held a slight tremor.
He didn’t see Kageyama in the morning but he saw Ito. She glared at him and Hinata glared right back.
She looked like a mess, her hair was is disarray much like the bow that slung around her neck. Hinata looked at Kageyama’s desk- he wasn’t there and he sat in his chair while setting his bag on the desk.
Kageyama came in late. Hinata stared at him, trying to catch his eye but Kageyama stared elsewhere, late note between his fingers.
Hinata stopped by his desk as soon as class was over. He slammed his hands down and Kageyama snapped his gaze up at him.
He looked just as tired as Hinata.
“Fuck do you want?” He asked, the ends of his words crackling. Hinata’s invitation to leave died at the tip of his tongue and he frowned.
“What’s up with you?”
“Nothing,” Kageyama stood up and shoved Hinata out of the way before heading for the door.
“Where are you going?”
Kageyama didn’t answer.
Hinata’s gaze landed on Ito who snickered into the back of her hand. He scowled at her and grabbed his lunchbox from his bag before running after Kageyama.
“Kageyama stop- oi! I need to talk to you!”
He grabbed for Kageyama’s hand and Kageyama flinched away. Hinata dropped his lunchbox and Kageyama stared at it.
“Don’t feel like talking.”
Hinata stayed there, frozen with smudged fruitcake in his green box.
It was stupid- Kageyama probably had reasons to be mad-
But he wondered if Kageyama knew.
Knew that Hinata liked him more than Ito.
That he thought about their kisses every night.
That he thought about aligning their hands together just to see the difference in centimetre.
What if-
What if Kageyama wasn’t ok with it?
What if the idea of them being together repulsed him as much as it repulsed Ito.
What if Hinata was wrong.
Still, Hinata needed to know- needed Kageyama to know from him.
He didn’t have time for avoidance.
So he grabbed Kageyama’s arm again before dragging him down the staircase. Kageyama complained but he didn’t draw his hand back.
He let Hinata lead him to a nearby storage room in a hallway that no one used, enshrouded in chemicals and broomsticks.
Hinata closed the door. Light wafted in through the slits of the narrow window of the door and all he could hear was their laboured breathing.
Quiet but loud in the same breath.
“I need to talk to you,” Hinata said. Kageyama stayed silent, as if deciding if he wanted to listen or not.
“...Talk.”
Hinata stared up at him, unsure where to start. Kageyama was encompassed in the dark, shrouded in shadows. The light from the window hit him in strips, lit up one of his eyes, like a prism of blue.
Hinata’s grip tightened around his lunch box and he stared down.
“Um, I got you fruitcake.”
Kageyama furrowed his eyebrows.
“Thanks.”
“Uh- I-” Hinata laughed without humour, “I was out with Ito and I- I was thinking about you. Then I bought this cake.”
Kageyama didn’t reach for the box, even after Hinata held it out slightly.
“Why the fuck were you thinking about me during your date with Ito?”
Hinata couldn’t look him in the eye.
“This is weird. Don’t hate me, ok? Don’t...don’t stop being my friend after what I’m gonna say.”
“What the fu-”
“I couldn’t stop thinking about you. All day yesterday. I didn’t talk to Ito much ‘cuz- because I kept thinking that I’d rather be spending a day doing nothing with you than go on a date with her.”
The pause was emphasised by Kageyama’s heavy breathing.
“I like you a lot. I think...I think I started liking you ever since we kissed, y’know? At that party? We were blindfolded and I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”
Hinata kept going, before Kageyama could break his pause.
“Um, I dunno, it’s weird, the more time I spent with you, the more I stopped caring about her until I stopped- I stopped no- noticing where she is- was- where she was-”
Hinata choked on his words and it hit him just how nervous he really was.
“You’re straight, though. And you don’t date anyways, right? You’re not interested...so I don’t really have a chance. She told me I didn’t when I left early yesterday- she was like “girls don’t like you so why would he, stupid,” and- ha- I mean yeah, she has a point. Um. Yeah.”
Hinata looked up finally, his eyes connecting with Kageyama’s gaze.
He looked shocked and his mouth floundered. Hinata couldn’t tell what emotions he was wearing, what he was thinking, whether the hand coming up was to punch Hinata or cup his face.
“Take your cake,” Hinata said, pushing it to Kageyama’s chest before he threw the door open and bolted away.
“Oi- wait-”
Kageyama grabbed for Hinata’s shoulder as they spilled out into the deserted hallways.
Kageyama spun him around while dropping the lunchbox and pressed him against the adjacent wall. Hinata squeezed his eyes shut, ready for a punch, a slap- maybe Kageyama would spit on him.
Instead Kageyama closed the gap hurriedly, his lips sliding over Hinata’s in desperation, his fingers trembling around Hinata’s collar from urgency.
It was a fast kiss, a rushed kiss, absent of tongue but full of feelings resembling affection.
Kageyama broke off and rested his forehead against Hinata’s.
“Who do you think you are, leaving before hearing my answer?”
Hinata breathed harshly through his nose, his heart beat hiccuping.
“I was jealous- of Ito. I was...I was mad you chose Ito over me,” Kageyama sighed and Hinata snorted.
“You’re an idiot,” his voice sounded watery but Kageyama didn’t comment.
His voice was probably watery as well.
“You’re the idiot...believing Ito was right.”
Hinata hummed in response, his voice ripped away from him.
“Forget what she thinks, she’s just mad you’re better than her.”
Hinata kissed him again. He cupped Kageyama’s face and Kageyama stroked the groves of his hips.
“We might get caught- we shouldn’t out here-” Kageyama said.
“Right- yeah,” Hinata looked around. The halls were empty. He looked at his watch, “we should get to class.”
Kageyama hooked a finger around Hinata’s belt and dragged him back to the storage room.
____
“Good cake- what cafe was this?”
“Why are you eating it, you dropped it like, 8 times.”
“Doesn’t make it any less a cake.”
Otosaka-sensei had left half an hour ago. She told them to leave when the astronomy club members show up and they nodded.
Hinata scratched the blooming bruise along his collarbones.
He sat on the desk, his legs slung on either side of Kageyama who sat on his seat, fork balanced between his teeth.
They talked aimlessly, about nothing and everything, about the present and past. Hinata laughed and Kageyama couldn’t help but smile.
He felt funny around Hinata, felt like he could really smile or look ugly without judgement. Hinata told him he had a really pretty smile.
“Kageyama you’re so pretty-”
Kageyama blushed and looked away, “don’t say shit like that-”
“I will! Because I can now! You’re so pretty! And hot, and handsome, and attractive and-”
Kageyama told him to shut up and he shoved a piece of cake into Hinata’s mouth.
“Tobio,” Hinata said suddenly, “I’m gonna call you Tobio.”
Tobio stared up at him, a small smile playing by his lips.
“Ok, Shouyou, you make my name sound dumb though.”
Before Shouyou could reply, a phone buzzed. They looked around and their eyes landed on a phone on Ito’s desk.
It wasn’t long before she barged in, her hair spilling over her shoulders.
She stopped short at the sight of them sitting so close. She glared at Shouyou who turned his body to look at her.
She caught sight of the bites along his neck, the slightly red ear, the purpling around his neck. He looked at Tobio, at his messy hair and swollen lips.
She scowled with scorn. She looked like she was going to say something. She opened her mouth, closed it before snatching up her phone and leaving.
Shouyou exhaled sharply and Tobio ran his palm along Shouyou’s knee.
Ito trembled outside, jealousy plaguing her and collapsing around her insides, rupturing her with envy.
She peered inside, secretly- it was a prank, it had to be a prank-
Shouyou was calling Tobio dumb, provoking him with futile insults and Tobio slid his fruitcake away before standing up, his hands on either side of Shouyou.
They were laughing now, through insults and harmless jabs.
She could out them, if it wasn’t a prank. Ruin the rest of their high school career- this school wasn’t as accepting as her.
But Ito couldn’t remember seeing Shouyou so happy, so full of life. The tightness around her jaw loosened and no-
She couldn’t.
____
Class was boring. Shouyou faked a yawn and leaned his head back. His chair tilted back and the back of his head rested against a pencil case.
Tobio’s head loomed over him and Shouyou grinned. He poked the back of his pen into Tobio’s cheek until it clicked.
“Pay attention, moron, we’re not second years anymore,” Tobio said but he didn’t push Shouyou’s pen away from his face.
“I can’t when I see you,” Shouyou whispered.
He watched the tips of Tobio’s ears turn red. Then the apples of his cheeks and next his nose.
“Cheesy idiot, stop being stupid.”
Still, he brushed Shouyou’s hair away from his forehead, and pinched his cheek.
Cute, Shouyou was so fucking cute.
“Wanna go to the storage room at lunch?” Tobio murmured and Shouyou blushed bright.
“S-sure, yeah- cool- yeah, yes-”
“Hinata! Stop bothering Kageyama and turn around!” Osano-sensei snapped.
Shouyou sprung back upright and his chair collapsed under him, surprised by his sudden movement. He fell down in a crash of limbs and the class laughed.
“Do I need to move you?” She asked when Shouyou sat back up and he shook his head quickly, his eyes wide and cheeks red.
Tobio snickered quietly behind him and when Osano-sensei turned around, he poked the back of Shouyou’s neck with his mechanical pencil.
He traced down characters and it took Shouyou too long to process.
But when he did, he leaned down on his desk, head caged in by his arms to hide his blush.
(You’re cute).
Shouyou turned back around, to reply, to smile- and he managed a shy grin before Osano-sensei bellowed at him to turn back around.
Tobio stared at the back of his neck, covering his smile with his hand.
God, he was so lucky.