Chapter Text
“Andy?”
Ian’s voice was rough, hoarse, it sounded like it used to sound when he’d woken up after a night of fitful restless sleep. There was a pang of guilt that I swallowed down knowing that his lack of sleep was in a sense my fault.
Yet still, hearing his voice had only confirmed the decision that I had made in a moment of clarity as I pressed his number to call it.
“Andy?” He repeated when I said nothing.
I swallowed and found my voice. “I’m here.”
“Thank you for calling. I just wanted to-.”
“Ian, I am happy,” I interrupted him.
That was the truth. I was the happiest that I had been in a long time, even before Steve had come into my life. I had been happy with Ian, I had loved Ian, a part of me still did, but I’d laid that part of me to rest a long time ago. And that part of me needed to stay dead. I had chosen Steve that Christmas morning, chosen him long before that really, and I didn’t regret that choice. The life I had with Ian ended a long time ago.
The thought of Steve leaving this morning without me, taking our children and thinking I wanted space from them had suddenly made everything clear for me. The twist in my stomach that I had felt, the ache in my chest at the thought of waking up to an empty house with no Steve, with no Emma and Evan. I didn’t want that. I didn’t want anything else. Steve is the man that I loved and Ian was the man that I used to love. Ian’s return had temporarily clouded things and I felt like a fool for allowing it.
“What?” Ian replied with confusion.
“I loved you. I did. But that life is gone now,” I started off slowly, finding the courage within myself that had been there all along. “I didn’t want to hurt you. I still don’t, but there is no way that I can tell you the truth without that happening. I don’t want to lose my family-.”
“Andy-.”
I didn’t want him to get a word in. I didn’t want him to talk to that small part of me that was foolish. “Things changed. It wasn’t fair. I know that,” I continued before he could stop me. “It wasn’t fair that you disappeared and we lost our daughter, but it happened…and…and I changed while you were gone. I am not that person that you loved anymore.”
Ian remained silent.
“And…you aren’t the person that I love anymore…” the words weren’t as hard to say as I imagined they’d be. “I love Steve. Very much. And I know that’s not fair to you, but…it’s the truth.”
The silence continued and I hesitated, wondering if what I was saying had been too much for him and he’d hung up. Then he let out a small breath, one that let me know he was still on the line. A breath that sounded resigned.
“You don’t know how badly I want to ask you to leave it all,” he said in a low voice. “I want to tell you that we’re meant to be together and we can start over like we were before. That I love you more than he ever could.”
I steeled myself at those words. “Ian, even if you did-.”
“But I won’t. I want you to be happy, baby-Andy,” he finished, correcting himself. The words sounded choked. “I was up all night thinking and I…I just…I am sorry for the way that I acted yesterday. You deserve happiness, children, a husband, all of it…even if it’s not with me.”
There was a twist in my stomach, that small part of me hurt at his words. But the larger part of me, the part that knew that my life was now with Steve, with my family, was relieved.
“I-I dont think I’ll ever stop loving you, Andy,” he admitted, voice low and soft. “But I would never want to hurt you by trying to tear you away from your life and from the sounds of it, it’s a beautiful life. Steve is a lucky man.”
I nodded despite him being unable to see me. “I know.”
“I meant what I said…I want you to be happy no matter what.”
“I want the same for you.” That was the truth. I wanted him to be able to move on like I had. I wanted him to find the love that I had found. To start a family of his own.
Ian cleared his throat. “I…I hope that one day we can be friends? You were such a big part of my life. I’m having a hard time imagining you not being in it.”
I didn’t know how to answer that. I didn’t know how Steve would feel about it.
“I…maybe…” I answered.
“I understand,” he said.
He fell silent and the silence lingered. I didn’t know how else to end this or what else to say. The band aid had been ripped off. I had made my choice, though in reality there was never any choice. I had let a small part of me foolishly give me doubts. And I just hoped and prayed that Steve would understand, that he would forgive me.
“I wish you the best, Andy, I really do,” Ian continued, breaking our silence. “Goodbye.”
The line went dead before I could answer and as if on cue I heard the front door open and the quick footsteps of my children running into the house. They ran right past the kitchen opening, heading for the living room where all their toys were. Heavier footsteps followed into the foyer, the footsteps of two large super soldiers.
“Slow down guys!” Steve called sternly. His voice lowered. “Bucky, you mind keeping an eye on them? I’m gonna make lunch.”
“Sure,” Bucky answered. He passed by too, donned in a leather jacket and jeans, his hands tucked into his pockets.
Steve entered the kitchen with a sigh, a hand running over his shorter hair. He looked stressed, tired. He stopped when he saw me standing there, his note in one hand and my phone in the other. He didn’t smile at me like he normally would, he didn’t immediately approach and take me into his arms either. His eyes surveyed me, locking onto my own and I swore I saw fear and worry in them. I hesitated, unsure of what to say.
“Hi,” I greeted.
“Hey,” he answered, his tone short, finally moving, taking his jacket from his shoulders and setting it on the island.
I set the phone and the note down, moving to stand beside him. He didn’t move away, only turned his body to face mine and looked down at me, waiting. I touched his cheek, the growth of his beard returning tickling my palm, seeing the way his eyes slipped closed and he let out a breath like he’d been holding it in. His hand came up, large and warm, covering mine and holding it to his face.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, his eyes opening at my words. “I was an idiot yesterday. The way I acted when I came home-.”
“Andrea-,” Steve started.
“ You are who I want, Steve,” I interrupted, stepping closer until we were chest to chest. “I am sorry that I foolishly doubted that for even a second. I let seeing Ian and old feelings get into my head, but I love you. I put the past behind me a long time ago and I should have left it there. I don’t want anything else. I meant it when I said that I was all yours. And if you’ll forgive me, I will spend the rest of my life proving that to you.”
Steve said nothing, his sapphire eyes searched mine, looking for answers to silent questions that I hoped and prayed he found. Anxiety reared its ugly head while I waited for him to decide, for him to make his choice of whether or not he’d forgive me.
“Sweetheart, I told you last night that I understood,” he said softly, dropping his hand from mine. My own hand dropped as well and I felt my palm ache at the loss of contact.
“I know you did, but still I am sor-.”
He cut me off with a deep kiss, pulling me closer, wrapping me in his warmth. I melted into him returning his kiss with all the passion I had inside of me. When he pulled away I was breathless.
“I love you,” he whispered, putting his forehead to mine. “You don’t have to apo-.”
“No,” I interrupted him. “No, you’ve been so patient and understanding for years and I need to apologize. You deserve that and more.”
“You don’t have to keep apologizing or prove anything to me. If you say you’re sure about what you want, then…” he trailed off, straightening and looking me in the eye. “Then I’ll believe you.”
“I am sure. I am.”
“Then that’s all I need.”
He kissed me then, slow and deep. He felt like home.
“Wow. Captain America. Married to my daughter. The father of my grandchildren. I- Wow it’s an honor.”
“The honor is all mine, sir,” Steve replied.
My father was holding Steve’s hand in his own, his other hand closed over the top of their clasped hands, the handshake had been going on far too long. Steve only smiled through my fathers star-struck stuttered greeting.
“Dad?” I said arching one eyebrow at him, shifting Emma in my arms.
“Yeah?” He said absently, still gazing at Steve.
“Maybe release my husband’s hand and come inside to say hello to your grandchildren?”
Dad blinked, coming out of his awe struck stance, releasing Steve. “Yes, right, sorry.”
Steve chuckled, looking at me with a smile, one that made the butterflies in my stomach flutter. He stepped back allowing my dad to come inside and revealing Reagan behind him.
“Hey brother in law,” Reagan smirked, opening her arm to hug Steve, who blinked, but leaned into the hug.
“Hello…sister in law,” he replied.
Reagan stepped back, taking him in from head to toe in long blatant sweeps, then turned to me incredulously. “I still can’t believe this. You married an avenger, the hot one.”
Steve blushed crimson, a smile emerging on his face. I rolled my eyes. “If you keep saying that my feelings are going to start to get hurt. Just come inside already.”
It was four days after I had said goodbye to Ian. Dad and Reagan had been eagerly waiting to meet the kids, but with Ian staying with them, they knew that I didn’t want to bring Steve and the kids over. They also wanted to give us time, to make sure that things between Steve and I were okay. We opted for dinner at our house, inviting them.
The kids immediately took their grandfather and auntie Reagan, who had thoughtfully brought them gifts, a stuffed unicorn and a stuffed dinosaur. It warmed my heart to see my sister playing with my children, to see Dad sitting with Evan in his lap looking at his Tonka trucks. Something that I had dreamed of for so long.
I jumped a little when I felt Steve’s arms encircle my waist from behind, his warm breath fanning my neck when he leaned in to kiss my pulse. I relaxed into his touch, continuing to cut up potatoes. “How are you doing, Sweetheart?”
“I am doing great,” I answered. It was the truth. “Is Bucky coming down?”
Steve sighed, resting his chin on my shoulder. “He might. He wasn’t up for company, but that has nothing to do with your family. He just-.”
“It’s fine. I understand. I wasn’t offended. I know he needs time.”
Steve kissed my pulse. “Thank you for being understanding.”
“It’s no problem. Really.”
“Can I help with anything?”
I shook my head, setting down the knife and wiping my hands on a dishcloth nearby. “Nope, you just go hang with Dad and Reagan and the kids.”
“You sure?” He asked, rubbing my sides before releasing me.
“Yes, I am sure. I got this,” I insisted, turning to kiss him.
He smiled, winking at me before he walked out of the kitchen. I watched him go, seeing the way Dad lit up when he sat on the couch next to him and Evan, a conversation striking up between them almost immediately. I looked to Reagan next sitting on the floor with Emma, Emma’s tea set out and Reagan pretending to drink out of one of the cups, pinky out, while Emma giggled. A smile spread across my face, my heart warming at the sight.
I couldn’t help, but think of everything that we had gone through to get to this moment. All the trials and sacrifices that had to be made. The people that we had lost. My mind immediately went to Tony, to the message that he had left me that I still hadn’t listened to. It had slipped my mind honestly, I had been unready to listen to it at the time. It was still in my coat.
I slipped out of the kitchen and up the stairs, going unnoticed thankfully. I tiptoed down the hall, past Bucky’s room, peeking in to see him reading quietly on his bed. I went into my bedroom, and to the closet, pulling out the envelope that Pepper had given me and opening it. Inside was a slim small usb like device and a letter. I pulled out the usb and retrieved my laptop, plugging it in. I settled onto the bed and put the laptop onto my lap, opening the file.
Tony’s face popped up on my screen almost immediately, his lab in the background. My heart leapt at the sight of him, my eyes instantly watering. His brown eyes were the same, the lines of his face, the goatee. He looked just as he did the last time I saw him.
“Hey kid,” he started with a smirk. “I’m getting the feeling you don’t like goodbyes, but I had some things to say that I couldn’t not say,” his eyes went downward. “And if you are watching this then that means that…well you know what it means and I certainly couldn’t leave this earthly plane without saying them to you.” He shifted in his chair. “I looked into you when I hired you. Even though you didn’t say anything, I could see in your eyes that like everyone else you’d lost someone. And well I got nosey and I had to check. You’d lost a dad, a twin, a fiancé and a baby and when I learned that…” he trailed off shaking his head and sighed. “Well I wasn’t sure how you were standing, much less sitting in my office wanting a job.” His eyes looked back at the camera and I felt like he was in the room with me, peering right at me. “I’d hoped, rather vainly I might admit, that you working for me might bring some joy back into your life somehow and,” his smile grew and he crossed his arms. “It did. I got to spend the next three years watching you come out of the shell you were in and looking back now I probably should have seen the signs of you and Cap dating far sooner than I found out.” He chuckled then, so did I. And then his expression shifted. His smile wavered. “I know what doing this means for you. I know that bringing back the man you once loved can throw a wrench into your life, but I trust you to make the right choices for you and your family and I commend you on your strength to do the right thing at the potential expense of your feelings.” He straightened in his chair. “But aside from that I just wanted to say that I am proud of you kid and that I am happy to have met you.”
A silence fell over him, his eyes falling to the side gazing off into the distance. The clip ended and I let his words wash over me, wishing that I had gotten the chance to hear them in person; that I hadn’t told him no goodbyes. Tony Stark had given me a chance and changed my life. And I would be forever grateful to him.
I set my laptop aside and carefully tucked the usb into my bedside table drawer before stepping out of my bedroom. I startled when I nearly bumped into Bucky, who was also coming out of his room. We hadn’t talked much in the few days that he had been staying here. He was generally quiet and spent a lot of time in his room. I heard him crying out at night, Steve always rushing out of bed to go to Bucky’s side. Steve was planning to get Bucky signed up for therapy and to help him reintergrate back into the world.
“Hi Bucky,” I said after a few quiet seconds passed.
He cleared his throat. “Hi.”
The silence lingered, awkwardly and I stepped past him slowly, assuming he most likely needed the restroom which I was blocking. “I will be downstairs if you need anything,” I offered on my way to the stairs.
“Actually,” Bucky called making me halt and look at him over my shoulder. “I’d like to…join you guys…if that’s alright?”
I smiled. “It absolutely is. I just need to warn you that my dad is…well he’s a history nerd and I am sure he knows everything there is to know about you that can be googled and he might make your arm fall off from shaking it too much.”
Bucky smirked, surprising me. “Good thing I got a metal one huh?”
I chuckled at his joke. “Come on I’d love to introduce you.”
Bucky followed me down the stairs, stopping behind me in the living room where Steve’s face warmed into a smile and Reagan and my Dad both looked at Bucky with dropped jaws.
“My god, it’s Bucky Barnes,” my dad muttered rising from his chair, hand already extended.
Steve rose as well, no doubt already knowing he might need to run interference. Bucky smiled hesitantly, shaking my father’s hand and already being bombarded with questions. Reagan slipped closer to my side, eyes on Bucky.
“Well maybe you didn’t marry the hottest one after all,” she whispered leaning in and nudging me with her elbow.
I stifled a laugh as I rolled my eyes.
The End