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****
Being a Guardian Angel is not as easy as it sounds.
Human beings can be extremely stubborn, obnoxious and clueless.
Take my two charges, for example (and I mean that, seriously. Someone, please take them! They’re trying my Angelic patience! They’re driving me to consider banging their heads together, hard! They- well, you get the idea. They’re driving me crazy and to thoughts more worthy of a demon than an Angel).
When I first saw my two charges I was thrilled.
Both of them were gorgeous, sexy men and the thought of spending so much time with them filled me with glee.
What? I’m an Angel, not a saint.
Anyway, my “glee” was short lived as I learned about these two.
Steve McGarrett was a Navy SEAL who thought he was still in the ‘Stan or some such place where people wear camouflage makeup and carry torture equipment in their backpacks the way other people carry water and food.
He’s the type who likes to interrogate through intimidation since it “gets results”.
The first day I was assigned to them Steve hung a suspect off a roof!
It was then that I realized why my “good friend” Linda had “graciously” passed up on the assignment and had given it to me.
That bit- oops, I have to watch my language.
Let’s just say that she and I are going to have a talk when I go home for a break.
And I need a break because these two are running me ragged!
I don’t think I’ve slept for more than five minutes since I was assigned to them.
It’s wreaking havoc on my skin, and I swear my halo has a washed out look to it!
Not to mention that it’s been weeks since I’ve had time to have my wings shaped and pressed.
I would be embarrassed, if there had been anyone around to see me.
Well, back to the boys.
Steve is the “shoot first, ask questions later” type of guy, and Danny has to constantly remind him they are not in a military zone. They are in LAW ENFORCEMENT!
Oh, I didn’t randomly capslock that. That’s the way Danny talks!
I swear my head started spinning around the first time I heard him go off over something Steve did.
My ears were hurting from the sound reverberations when he was done.
Angels have very sensitive ears.
Danny’s this little ball of fire who circles around Steve like a whirling dervish.
He goes on and on (and on) but it’s mostly a default reaction with him. He likes to vent, but he really only gets loud when someone he loves is being hurt or threatened, or behaving stupidly and recklessly.
Which is why he often speaks in CAPSLOCK around Steve.
He worries about him, constantly.
He thinks Steve is too reckless (which he is) and is going to get himself killed. He worries that Steve’s trying too hard to deny he feels any pain about all the losses in his life.
I can hear the worry in his voice so plainly.
But Steve can’t.
Steve worries about Danny, too.
He worries that he’ll get hurt (even as Danny yells at Steve that if he does it’ll be all STEVE’S FAULT). he worries about Danny’s relationship with his daughter, Grace. He worries Danny will one day get fed up and leave the island.
He worries.
I can hear the worry in his voice so clearly.
But Danny can’t.
I find myself sighing a lot around them.
They clearly are too dense for words.
They hide the way they feel behind banter and friendly insults which sometimes turn serious when one of them says something that hits too close to home.
They argue constantly, especially in the car-which I think is because of their close proximity to each other.
I swear (sorry, I know I shouldn’t do that) that the air is so thick with pheromones flying back and forth between them I don’t know how they haven’t stripped off each other’s clothing by now.
But then again, Angels have very sensitive noses.
Humans don’t pick up scents the way we do, at least not consciously.
So a typical morning goes like this:
Steve picks up Danny (in Danny’s car), or Danny will actually be driving his own car and pick up Steve-who then proceeds to drive Danny’s car.
I know. I don’t get it, either.
They argue about the weather, about how much Danny hates pineapple on pizza (and really, who can blame him for that?). They argue about whether Danny can have a picture postcard of New Jersey in his own car! Danny, to his credit tells Steve that if he doesn’t like it he can ride in the trunk. I laughed when he said, “I’ll get real Jersey up in this piece.”
I’m originally from New Jersey, so I understand what that means.
They will also use some of these car rides to actually speak to each other about things that are important, or painful.
Those times are usually followed by a fast retreat to the safety of listening to the radio.
I was lounging in the backseat of Danny’s car, wishing I had a cool rag to put on my forehead after their latest tirade, when all of a sudden they started talking about things that sounded suspiciously like feelings.
Naturally, they both panicked at this and both scrambled to turn the radio on.
It was then I had what I considered to be a brilliant idea!
I’d make the radio play something seductive and sexy.
Make them start paying some attention to those pheromones.
I chose “Sexy Eyes" because hey, both of them do have sexy eyes. And they’re both lonely, even if they’re too stubborn to admit it.
Steve liked the song, but Danny went into a huge rant about how songs like these can make sane people feel like killing other people.
Steve said he thought it was catchy and put it back on after Danny had turned it off.
It was then I realized that Danny was really in love with Steve.
Two important things for human males are their cars and the ability to control whatever is being watched or listened to.
Hence the endless battles for remote controls in people’s homes.
If I had a nickel for every time I had to break up a fight between two people over the remote I’d be rich!
Not that Angels actually, you know, need money.
So Danny not only let Steve drive his car-he let him set the radio stations in it?
That was love.
Of course, Steve didn’t realize it.
After a while I could see Steve stealing glances at Danny, trying to gauge his reaction. Danny steadfastly stared straight ahead until Steve turned his head.
Then Danny looked at Steve.
Oh, God (sorry!). I was dealing with two men with the maturity levels of twelve year old boys!
Or possibly younger.
I realized that I was going to have do some strategizing.
I wish my cousin Lucinda was here.
Her specialty is dealing with children.
A plan.
I needed a plan.
****
The next part of the day is fairly simple until the team has to go out on assignment.
Then we step into the danger zone and I have to go into my own fighting Angel mode.
Actually, what I usually do is trip the bad guys as they go by, or hit them with something invisible.
Or tickle them.
You laugh if you want.
Tickles from Angel feathers can kick ass-oh,excuse me!
Lately I’ve been doing things like start a mudslide or a fire, or a tornado (just a small one, calm down!).
My Supervisor says I get carried away,but the truth is that I have to react very quickly tho these things.
You never know when Steve is going to decide they just have to go and try and stop an armed drug cartel with just the two of them. Or when he’s going to go running off half cocked (I love that word!) after someone without knowing how many other someone’s there might be waiting.
So I set off some explosions.
What can you do?
I couldn’t let my humans get hurt now, could I?
During today’s rush into danger the two of them get separated and I panic.
I might be an angel, but the two of them are only human.
They need each other.
I sent telepathic signals to each of them, letting them know where the other was.
Or, I tried to, but then I realized they were already doing it!
I guess when they have to they can let each other in.
They are on the same wavelength.
That’s what happens when you’re in love.
Naturally, once it’s over they start yelling at each other.
Danny says Steve was reckless, and Steve says he had it under control.
Then they awkwardly looked each other up and down and tentatively touched, ostensibly to make sure that neither of them were injured or damaged.
They’re such dorks sometimes.
****
By the time they’re ready to wind down and relax outside on Steve’s deck I’m tired and in need of a massage.
They’re grilling something that smells good and the two of them are still joking with each other and I can feel the heat between them, and an odd sort of tenderness.
I’m waiting for one of them to bring it up, but of course they don’t.
Instead they reach for their usual way of dealing and start bickering.
I can see I’m going to have to take matters into my own hands.
My Supervisor’s going to be pis- oops- angry –with me.
***
They’re going for a drive in Steve’s Dad’s recently restored car.
Steve wants to show it off to Danny because today he apparently is a sixteen year old boy instead of a twelve year old.
They are enjoying the car ride when suddenly the car dies.
Ok, so I might have had something to do with it.
Don’t judge me! It’s something they do all the time on soap operas.
You know, the old “make the car stall or the couple get stuck in an elevator so that the two stubborn idiots who won’t admit they’re in love break down eventually and bare their souls”.
Or, something like that.
Steve and Danny are not like most people, however and they require some coaching.
I make sure that their cell phones don’t work, so they can’t call for help.
Then I make it get extremely hot- so hot that Danny has to shed some of his ridiculous clothing and Steve(who never needs a reason)starts stripping down to his shorts.
There’s more awkward appraising of each other which they try to hide, and if they could hear me they’d have been embarrassed at how loudly I was laughing at them.
“I’m going swimming,” Steve says. “It’s way too hot all of a sudden.”
To Steve’s surprise Danny says he’ll join him.
They go in the water and Danny smugly shows Steve how well he can swim.
The two of them are laughing but they’re still too far away from each other.
I remedy that by having the current pull them together.
Well, really. If I waited for them to make a move we’d be here for the next year!
And by then I’d be suffering from total Angelic exhaustion in my efforts to keep them from getting killed or killing each other.
You see, I’ve realized that so much of their recklessness would be lessened if they would just focus on what they really want-each other.
And the tension between them that threatens to explode could be released in a lot more pleasurable, and healthy, ways.
See, all these behaviors are diversionary tactics. Sublimating their true intentions.
Don’t look at me like that. I took psychology!
Also, the two of them are so lonely when they don’t have to be.
If they’d only admit what’s in front of their eyes.
***
When the two of them collide into each other, I can see the lust and the love in their eyes and I hold my breath and hope they kiss each other.
Much to my surprise they start running their hands over each other’s bodies, and then they do start kissing.
I blow my Heavenly trumpet, and several of my Angel friends come and start joining in with various Heavenly instruments.
We let them hear us-just for a moment.
They break apart and look around.
“Did you hear that?”
“Yeah,” Steve nods.
“What is it?”
“Heavenly choir,” Steve says matter of factly.
“Heavenly, what? Excuse me, are you crazy?”
Steve smiles. “Maybe. But you already think that.”
“Yes, about the way you recklessly throw yourself into oncoming traffic and explode grenades in pawn shops. Not about you thinking music is a Heavenly choir!”
Steve shrugs. “Does it matter?” He moves closer and holds Danny tightly.
Danny mumbles, “I guess not,” into Steve’s neck.
They’re still kissing and as they get out of the water I can tell they’re ready to go further. They’re practically pulling each other’s clothes off as they get to the blanket they’d put down.
I’m entranced and blissfully happy until I hear the familiar voice of my Supervisor.
“Alright. That’s enough. Let’s give them some privacy,” she says in a stern voice.
“But-“I sputter-“They might need me!”
She looks at them and shakes her head.
“Nope. They don’t need you. “
“But maybe –“
“Let’s go. If they need you tonight you’ll know. Now, come on. You were the one complaining about not getting enough time to rest, or get your wings styled, or get a massage, or go shopping.”
I sigh.
That’s true. I had said all that, but still- they looked so good!
“Stop that!” my Supervisor says.
Jeez, next thing I know she’ll be pulling me by the ear!
“Ok, I’ll go,” I say, resignedly, giving one last look at the happy couple on the blanket.
I feel a sense of happiness,both for their sakes and mine.
I’m going to have to make sure these two are occupied like this as often as possible!
Because my Supervisor is right!
I do need to rest more.
And make an appointment to get my Halo polished!
The End