Chapter Text
Tobirama discretely drops the now disabled handcuffs in his lap. It’s clear that the villagers have no idea what they’re doing with a court trial, but he gives them credit for trying. At least one of them has been to an actual court session, it seems.
“For the purposes of the court record, the accused will please state his name.”
“Tobirama Uchiha.” He replies amiably. With the chakra suppressing cuffs off it’s easy to sense Madara’s and Izuna’s chakra closing in on the little village like a vitriolic streak of temper incarnate. Not that he needs rescue, but it’s nice to know it’s on the way.
The way the ‘judge’ sputters reminds him that this is the first time they’ve bothered to ask his name. He suspects the judge is the local mayor or possibly an alderman. Not that it matters either way, really.
“Uchiha!? You expect us to believe such an obvious lie? You look nothing like an Uchiha.” Oh, so they’ve seen an Uchiha before? Interesting.
He tilts his head in curiosity. “Well, no. I was a Senju before I married Madara. And I’ve been meaning to ask. Has anyone seen the choker I was wearing? It was a gift from Madara and he’s going to be pissed if I’ve lost it.”
This inspires flailings and mutters from several parties, for some reason, though the judge keeps his calm admirably, only paling slightly. “Ahem. It is not the right of the accused to ask questions. But the necklace is safe. Er… You say you were born a Senju?”
“Yes, Tobirama Senju. Younger brother of Hashirama Senju.”
The judge loses more color. “And, um… do you have any proof of this?”
He can’t remember the last time his face wasn’t enough proof, but he supposes that this village really is a backwater and can’t be blamed for not recognizing him. “Yes, I do.”
Then he waits, counting off the seconds. 1 2 3 4 5 6-
Bang!!! The door to the room the trial is being held in slams open, admitting a furious Madara and a moment later Izuna peeks in with a civilian man tucked under one arm for some reason.
Madara chucks something at him and Tobirama catches it reflexively. Oh, the missing choker. Which apparently has Property of Madara Uchiha inscribed on the back. Which he had not known, but at least explains the attempt at a trial if they thought he was a thief upon finding him.
“How dare you put my sensor on trial!?” Madara roars, hair practically bristling, sending the whole room into flutters of panic and one unfortunate soul into a faint.
Tobirama decides to cut in before Madara murders the lot of them for breathing. “Madara.”
Gratifyingly, this gains him Madara’s sole focus. “Tobirama? Are you-?”
He holds up his unbound hands in demonstration. “I’m fine. I was treated well. They made every attempt to follow the law.” Within their obviously lacking understanding of it, but Madara doesn’t need to hear that. “I was just explaining to them that I married into the Uchiha clan. Also? You should have phrased this identification better. Most people don’t think sensor, much less husband, when they see the word property.”
Madara looks baffled, obviously understanding that he’s angry, but apparently not understanding why.
Izuna, on the other hand, winces. “He has a point, Aniki. I don’t think you’re getting sex until you apologize for fucking that up. It’s kind of your fault he ended up on trial.”
“I’m not that petty.” Tobirama denies, though he absolutely is if it suits him. “I just expect the issue to be fixed, posthaste.”
Madara still looks baffled, but nods shortly and storms over to Tobirama and hoists him over his shoulder, not even yelping when the cuffs land on his sandaled foot. “We’re going home now.”
That’s probably best for all involved, so Tobirama just wiggles his fingers in farewell at the judge as he’s carried out. Izuna dodges to the side, drops the tired looking civilian and follows them out, cheerfully waving at the flustered civilians before gently closing the door on them.
Tobirama waits until Madara finally relents enough to put him down, an hour or so outside the village, then looks him in the eye with a flat expression. “If you ever refer to me as ‘property’ again, you will never find your gunbai in this life time. Are we clear?”
His husband blinks at him a few times before looking suddenly enlightened. “Sorry, I didn’t think it would make anyone confuse you with an object. I won’t do it again.”
Even Izuna sighs and facepalms, snickering into his palm. Yeah, he’s not getting any help there.
He screams mentally at the obtuseness and gives up. Sometimes he wonders who dropped his husband on his head as a baby.
~
Rinoko is scared.
Chichi-ue is almost two weeks late on coming home from his mission and tou-san and Izuna-oji took off looking angry and worried nearly a week ago. Kaa-san is tired all the time, even with Hashirama-oji and oba-san Mito coming over to help every day. Even with Kirigaya, her, Liran and Izo all doing their best to help out with the younger ones. Kaa-san’s belly is so big now that she can barely reach past it and just getting up or sitting down is hard for her.
Touka-oba likes to joke that kaa-san is gonna ‘pop’ any day now. At least Rinoko thinks she’s joking. She hopes the baby comes out soon, but she doesn’t want kaa-san to pop, cuz she’s seen grapes pop and what if kaa-san just slides right out of her skin? That doesn’t seem right at all and would probably be really scary, even if Hashirama-oji could probably put her back together no problem cuz he’s the best healer and really nice too.
But besides that, she’s worried about chichi-ue. She’s pretty sure something bad has happened to him and she doesn’t know if that means he’ll never come home like her first oji-san or not. And if Izuna-oji and tou-san went after him, which she’s pretty sure they did, if that bad thing will happen to them too or not. Even though she’s positive that Hashirama-oji and oba-san Mito would take them in or keep helping kaa-san with them, she doesn’t want to have that happen. Izuna-oji is her favorite person in the whole wide world. And kaa-san, chichi-ue, tou-san and Hashirama-oji are her second favorite people.
Rinoko can’t lose three of her favorite people all at once. And she’ll cry if Izuna-oji doesn’t come home soon. She’s going to marry him when she grows up and she doesn’t want to be a widow this young.
~
Miuna would like to note that having all three of her men gone while nine months pregnant and with her kids all scared or uneasy because of the absence is less than ideal. She feeds Izuna, so he counts as hers. Mito’s man, however, does not. Hashirama in worried mode is barely tolerable and if he wasn’t so enthusiastic about helping out with the kids, she’d kick him out. He’s supposed to be taking care of Hokage duties anyways.
The only reason he’s here instead of haring off after Tobirama is because Madara and Izuna took off without informing him and it took most of the day for the grapevine to get around to notifying relevant people of what had happened. She frowns and winces at another stomach cramp. Though, to be honest, she’s pretty sure having Izuna as backup constitutes a major case of overkill as is. She’ll be surprised if Tobirama hasn’t managed to extricate himself from mere civilians quite some time before Madara and Izuna arrive. Being a sensor hardly makes him a delicate flower. And-
She looks down at the sudden gush of warm liquid. Oh dear.
“Kirigaya?”
The boy looks up from a book. “Haha-ue?”
“Tell your uncle to come inside, then run and tell your aunts that they need to come over and watch the kids because the baby is coming.”
He pales, eyes widening, then nods fervently and runs off. She presumes that he’s doing as told, since a few moments later, Hashirama is inside, helping her into bed.
Several hours later, Miuna is exhausted but pleased as Hashirama places her newborn daughter in her arms.
“Tobirama and Madara are going to be sad they missed this.” Hashirama tells her, piling the blood soaked linens in a basin as he changes them out for new ones while disturbing her as little as possible.
“Missed what?” Madara demands from the doorway, Tobirama at his shoulder. Apparently he hasn’t bothered to speak to Mito or Touka or he’d know already. Then he apparently sees the pile of bloody linens and promptly faints.
Tobirama catches him and peers at Miuna and the baby. “He’s a bit tired. A girl then?”
“Yes.” Miuna chuckles tiredly. “He must be. Normally he wouldn’t blink at the sight of blood.”
She’s glad they’re home.
“Tobirama, move! Mito tells me I have a new nibling. Wow, Aniki fainted? I told him we should have stopped to sleep for a few hours. Is it a girl or a boy?”
“A girl.” Hashirama says, looking amused as he tucks in the last corner of the clean sheet.
“A niece? Oh! Can I name her? Can I name her?” Izuna bounces on his toes excitedly.
Tobirama looks like he’s on the verge of snickering at him. “Yes, Izuna, you can name her. I’m going to go clean Madara up and put him to bed. I’ll come back when I’m cleaner. Thank you, Miuna.”
“Oh, right! Babies have to be kept clean, right? I’ll go clean up too and then come back and name her!” Izuna exclaims and rushes out.
Tobirama follows, hauling Madara with him.
Miuna and Hashirama exchange glances and laugh softly. Her men are ridiculous and Izuna’s sure to get waylaid by the kids now that they know he’s home and Madara probably won’t wake up until tomorrow night if he hasn’t slept in six days. But they’re home and her daughter is born, everyone’s safe and the kids won’t be scared anymore. That’s all she can ask for.
Well, that and about a week’s worth of sleep to recover her energy. Probably best to feed the baby first, though.
~
Goro Inari blinks at the couple in front of him, the man with a young baby tucked against his shoulder, the pair of them screaming at each other over…whether blueberries or plums are better with toast? He blinks again. Young couples are always so troublesome. Love spats tend to be over the silliest things. “How long have you two been married?”
They turn identical looks of sheer horror on him.
“Ewww! I have a husband who is definitely not this moron.” The woman says in tones of disgust.
The man curls his lip in reciprocal antipathy. “I’d rather marry a Hyuuga than have anything to do with her.”
She sneers at him. “Put your money where your mouth is. There’s no way the Uchiha heir would marry a Hyuuga.”
Goro sighs, because of course there’s a group of Hyuuga passing by, who have overheard the whole thing. Even he knows how badly the two clans get along and this is sure to turn into an incident. He should have just kept his mouth shut and minded his own business.
The Uchiha heir, Izuna if he recalls correctly, turns abruptly to the group of Hyuuga passing by and then rudely points at the plainest girl of the lot. “You. Will you marry me?”
To Goro’s surprise, the girl blushes instead of looking offended. Maybe she thinks Izuna is attractive? It seems a bit generous of her to accept a casual offer from a man who is obviously a single father.
“O-Only if that’s a serious offer.” She replies. “I am Kamisa Hyuuga.”
He beams at her. “Completely serious. I’m Izuna Uchiha and this is my youngest niece, Kameyo-chan. Isn’t she adorable?”
“S-She is.” The Hyuuga girl agrees, although the only visible part of the baby is a tiny tuft of reddish hair.
“And you should return her to Miuna before she hunts you down and kills you for stealing her child again.” The other woman mutters, looking like she’d relish watching the scenario play out. Now that he thinks of it, he recognizes her as Touka Nara, whose wedding he attended for the food at the reception. Touka and Izuna’s arguments are infamous at this point, so he feels rather stupid about not recognizing them sooner.
The rest of the Hyuugas look like they can’t decide whether they’re amused or offended in general by the whole thing. Goro decides to edge past them in case animosity breaks out for real, only to flinch guiltily as the movement catches Izuna’s eye. But the man only grins and waves at him with his free hand. “Feel free to attend the wedding!”
Riiiight. Well, he probably will. For the food. He might even bring a gift as an apology for this whole mess. Even if no one seems to be holding it against him.
If he’s lucky, no one will remember his part in this a week from now.