Chapter Text
When Uraraka received the call from Shigaraki, she didn’t ignore him on purpose – honestly, she was kind of a little tied up with a domestic hostage case – but she couldn’t deny that she waited longer to message him back. She could have called him when she got back to the office, but she waited to text him until she got home. Maybe it was a little cruel to make him wait, but she was fucking tired. She’d thrown herself into work, picking up hours that she probably should’ve spent in bed or simply resting, and the last thing she wanted to handle was an emotional rollercoaster.
Even worse, she didn’t want to face the fact that she missed him. It wasn’t even about Yukiko this time either. Of course she missed her too, but Uraraka had had a lot of time to think things over. It would’ve been easy to be involved in Yukiko’s life without getting so entangled in Shigaraki’s life too, but she’d allowed it to happen. She’d wanted it to happen in the end. As complicated as it was, she liked him. She enjoyed hanging out with him, talking with him, and just…
She felt like she could be herself. They’d both seen each other at their worst already. What did either of them have to hide?
Truth was, she’d forgotten. After having been single for so long, she had kind of forgotten that the people you cared for the most were capable of hurting you the most as well, and, as he himself would say, Shigaraki was all too good at hurting people. She knew more of his history than most people, more than what the media knew about, more than what had been talked about during his trial. She wouldn’t step on toes and say she knew him better than Touya or even Deku, but she did know him.
And she understood where he’d come from that night. She’d been wounded, devastated, and certainly upset, but she wasn’t an idiot. Those same thoughts had been swirling around in her mind too; she’d simply done her best to ignore them and keep on feeling good and happy. To be honest, most people would’ve assumed that she would’ve been the first one to crack, seeing as how she was the hero and supposedly goodie-two-shoe, but Shigaraki’s conscience had been the first one to get the best of them.
It really was an incredible sign of his growth and how far he’d come. It would’ve been nice if she hadn’t gotten stung in the process or been at their own expense.
Still, she couldn’t expect him to be perfect. Shigaraki was right. They came from two different worlds with two very different backgrounds and outlooks on life. They weren’t like normal people, and their relationship, even just a simple friendship, could never be normal, not with the history between them. It was something they would never be able to ignore, which she could admit she’d been trying to do. They’d have to work with it, not around it, which sucked. Maybe he didn’t want to go through that constant struggle – or maybe he’d just been as scared as her.
After all, living happily ever after wasn’t something that villains, former or current, dreamed about. It wasn’t conceivable. It wasn’t attainable. The fact that Shigaraki was wavering precariously on the edge of such a normal life with a kid, a good home, and people that truly cared about him must’ve been confusing and terrifying. He’d destroyed that normal family life before. Who was to say he wouldn’t do it again? It had been an accident the first time around too, but that hadn’t mattered to society or him.
In the end, yeah, she sucked up her feelings of anger and pettiness, texted him back that she was available to talk tomorrow, and then immediately called Deku after to see if he wanted dinner. And that was how she found herself sitting across the table from her best friend and the one person she knew wouldn’t judge her. He was a good guy. Perhaps it would’ve been much easier had her crush on him prevailed or maybe not since he admitted to not having time in his life for anyone else.
“So what do you think he wants to talk about?” Deku asked.
Uraraka shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe he just wants a clean break. Things are kinda uncertain now.”
“Maybe. Your date did end, uh...poorly.” Deku held up his hands when she gave him a flat look. “Okay, okay, it wasn’t a date.” It kind of was, and they, Shigaraki included, knew that. Had she wanted it to be a date? If she was being honest with herself, then yes, she had, and it had gone well for the most part until it didn’t. “He might want to apologize, you know. He’s done a lot of owning up this past year.”
“Yeah,” Uraraka mumbled, “he has.”
“You know, that’s in part because of you,” Deku pointed out gently.
Uraraka rolled her eyes. “Not really. I didn’t do much.”
“I mean, not to discredit him because he did a lot of work even before you two crossed paths, even if he doesn’t think he did, but…” Deku shrugged. “Yeah, you helped out. I’d like to think I helped out, too. All Might did what he could. Surprisingly, Kaminari came in handy, too. Shouto’s sister sure had her work cut out for her.”
“Maybe it isn’t enough,” Uraraka said. “Maybe the past is too much of a stain. It would always hang over us, wouldn’t it? He didn’t just try to kill us; he did kill people. How can I be with someone that did that?”
“I don’t know,” Deku admitted.
Uraraka took a deep breath and held out a hand, stopping as if she couldn’t get the words out. She let out the breath and sunk in her seat again. “I get it – why he acted like such an asshole that night. And he wasn’t wrong. If we did try to have anything, it would never be easy. It would always be a struggle because something would come up – either our history, his past crimes, my hero career, family, friends, something . It would never be normal.”
“Does it have to be normal?” Deku asked.
“That’s easy for you to say,” Uraraka said. “Your life is anything but normal.”
Deku gave her a sheepish smile. “Okay, that’s true, but still… If we dated, it wouldn’t be normal either.”
“You didn’t try to commit mass murder and destroy all of society,” Uraraka pointed out dryly.
“Also true.” Deku scratched the back of his head. “Life has a way of...going in directions we never expected – good and bad. I always dreamed of becoming a hero, but deep down, as much as I hoped, I knew… I knew I couldn’t. I had plans to apply to the Business and Support Gear courses as well. And then I met All Might and…”
And the rest was history. It had taken a while for Deku to be honest about his quirk and who he was. By then, it was more than obvious that he was different than the rest of them – that he carried more responsibility and power – but she had to wait for him to tell her on his own time. She was grateful that he trusted her with that information back then, and she was so grateful for him now – that she could come to him and be completely honest and he never judged her for it. He was such a good friend beyond being a great hero.
“Your path crossed with Shigaraki’s again at just the strangest moment when he needed help the most,” Deku said, holding out his hands as if to represent both paths. “So many people would’ve looked the other way, and maybe he would’ve been okay in the end. Maybe he would’ve figured things out on his own eventually – or maybe he would’ve given up faster. We’ll never know because you stepped in and made a difference.”
“I wasn’t trying to be a hero,” Uraraka told him.
“No, you were being a good person,” Deku agreed. “And Shigaraki knows that, I think. You weren’t acting as a hero to do some good in the world, just trying to help someone out.” He sat back in his chair, a familiar thoughtful expression on his face. “And then it just became more – a partnership, a friendship, who knows what. It’s not like anyone’s paths are straight. There are twists and turns, drops and rises. We have times where we can make choices – left or right - but sometimes, we’re just along for the ride.”
Even though she was still feeling worn down, Uraraka couldn’t help but smile. “How poetic.”
Pink dusted along Deku’s cheeks. “I’m just saying.”
“I feel like I’m at a point where I need to make a choice,” Uraraka said. “But I don’t know what to do.”
“What do you want to do?”
“I don’t know.”
Deku tilted his head. “Are you sure about that?”
Uraraka huffed and tapped her fingers along the edge of the table. “Okay, I...know what I want, I think, but I don’t know what I should do.” She stopped her fingers and shook her head. “But it doesn’t even matter. We could have this talk, and he could cut things off completely, so it’ll be for nothing.”
“Okay, okay.” Deku nodded, thinking to himself. “So if he decides he doesn’t want you involved in his or Yukiko’s life anymore, what will you do?”
“Obviously, I’ll respect his wishes,” Uraraka replied. “It’s his life. I don’t want to force my way into it if he doesn’t want me there.”
“What if he does want you to be involved? Just as friends? Would you be okay with that?”
Uraraka hesitated and then said, “I’d respect that too. I could just be friends. I’m at the point where I think I could even be friends with Katsuki as long as he’s not an ass.” When Deku gave her a knowing look, she bit her lip. “It’d be awkward at first and maybe a little...painful too, but I think, with a bit of time, I’d be okay.” She looked away from him, tapping her fingers again. “He’s made an impact on my life too and become some weird part of it that I like, even before all of this other stuff happened.”
“And what if he wants to make up?” Deku asked. “What if he wants to really try to have something?”
“I’d probably explode,” Uraraka blurted.
Deku laughed. “Me too. If he outright says he wants to have a relationship with you, I’ll have to take an hour or two off to recover.”
Uraraka reached over to smack him in the air, but he kept on laughing. “He’s not gonna say that! Even if that’s what he does want, he’d probably spend about three days talking around it and making it seem like it’s not what he actually wants or whatever.”
“Nah, after all this time, I don’t think he could wait that long,” Deku said once he calmed down. “Shigaraki is usually pretty upfront about how he feels. He won’t want to drag it out. It’ll just be hard for him to say whatever he has to say. I never had to guess about what he wanted before.”
“Yeah, to kill you.”
A grin crossed Deku’s face. “I’m not sure if that’s changed, if I’m being honest.”
“And here I thought you two were gonna become best friends,” Uraraka said, sticking out her tongue.
“I’m afraid Shouto’s brother and Kaminari have me beat there,” Deku sighed dramatically, as if he was actually sad about it. “Who knows what we are, but I think that’s fairly standard for my relationships with a lot of people.”
“Glad I didn’t go the ‘beat the friendship into me’ route with you.”
Deku sniffed. “I’m not that bad.”
“It’s like you take it as a personal challenge to make even your enemies become friends with you,” Uraraka said. She threw out her hands and blew a raspberry. “And then I had to go and one-up you by developing a stupid crush.”
“You beat me there.”
Silence fell over them as they both thought about what had been said. Uraraka gazed out the window, watching people as they walked by. Some were alone, others with what looked like a significant other or friend, and then some people with families. She tried not to latch onto any of them, but it was hard not to think about what kind of lives they led – how normal they were, how unexpectedly strange. It was impossible to tell from her spot inside the restaurant.
Who knew what she and Shigaraki looked like that night before it all went to shit?
*
Uraraka wasn’t sure what to expect when she arrived at Shigaraki’s apartment. For all she knew, she could knock on the door and he’d open it, say something along the lines of “This was a terrible idea from the beginning,” and then slam the door in her face. She had been hesitant about meeting him here – something about it made her worry that she might just agree with anything he said if it was on his turf – but when he called her after she came home from dinner with Deku, she could sense his exhaustion. HIs doneness .
It must’ve been exhausting to force yourself to live a completely different life from the one you’d always known.
So, she took a deep breath, knocked on the door, and patiently waited for Shigaraki to respond. She’d sent him a text that she was here prior to walking up the stairs, figuring he might be busy with Yukiko or something, but he hadn’t responded. That was fine. It totally didn’t spell bad news. She wasn’t going to worry about it.
Right as she was pulling out her phone to text him again, the door swung open to reveal a somewhat disheveled Shigaraki. He smacked his hair out of his face more than swept it away and then stepped aside, a familiar irritable expression on his face. She walked inside, peering around, but didn’t see Yukiko anywhere like she expected.
“Yukiko’s not here,” Shigaraki explained, although he sounded somewhat pained when he said it, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. “She’s having an…Uncle’s Day Out with Touya and Kaminari.”
Uraraka brought a hand up to her mouth, trying to hide a smile. “Oh no, Deku is gonna be so disappointed that he wasn’t invited.”
“She doesn’t need anymore dumbass fake uncles,” Shigaraki said quickly.
“It’s adorable to think that you have any control over that,” Uraraka pointed out.
Shigaraki threw a hand up and then shut his door. “Whatever. At least Kaminari is texting me every hour with pictures so I know my child is alive. Touya would ghost me the entire day just to be a dick.”
“It almost sounds like she’s being held hostage.”
“Looking at the pictures, you wouldn’t think that.” Shigaraki hesitated, looking at his phone that was sitting innocently on the counter in his kitchen. “She looks...happy. She needed some time out.”
Uraraka glanced at the phone as well. “Did you ask or…?”
“No, Touya just practically barrelled in here and demanded her.” Shigaraki held up his hands before Uraraka could say anything. “I know, I know. It doesn’t sound like him, but I guess I underestimated him. I’m not the only one that got out of prison and has been in therapy trying to fix up my life.” He attempted to smooth down his wrinkled black t-shirt and then huffed when it did nothing to help. “Did you want a drink or something or…?”
“I’m good, thank you.” Uraraka paused, biting her lip. “Um…”
Shigaraki blew out some air and turned away. “Fuck, I’m– I’m really fucking bad at this. I told Touya it wouldn’t be good, but the bastard wouldn’t let it go.”
“Wouldn’t let what go?” Uraraka pressed, leaning forward slightly.
For a moment, Shigaraki seemed to struggle to find the words, opening his mouth and then closing them. He looked at a complete loss. It made sense. She doubted having open conversations like this with anyone outside of his therapist was easy for him. Touya had his siblings who knew of his history, but Shigaraki, for the most part, was alone. Anyone that might have understood him fully or experienced his pain was dead.
“I was an asshole,” Shigaraki finally said. “I got scared, and I lashed out, because that’s all I really know how to do.”
“I don’t think you’re giving yourself enough credit,” Uraraka told him patiently.
But Shigaraki held up a hand. “No, let me just– Don’t try to explain it away, okay? For a minute, don’t be nice to me, just be honest. I was a dick. I hurt you, and I did it on purpose, just like I did before, minus the violence.” Uraraka pressed her lips together, but she nodded, giving him the space to speak. “I can’t… I can’t give you everything that I feel like you deserve. I can try, but I know I’ll fail in some respects, and it makes me not want to even try. I’m always gonna be me, and I can’t hide from that or ignore it or forget it.”
“What do you want then?” Uraraka asked plainly, thinking of Deku’s questions the night prior.
“I want…” Shigaraki let out an aggravated breath. “I want to be better. I want to do better. I got in my own head that night, and everything just spiraled. I fucked things up and pushed you away, and then I fucked up my job, and then I figured I’d just cut Touya out too, and then…” He gestured, seemingly vaguely, but his hand moved in the direction of Yukiko’s room. “I could do it by myself. I could do this. It would be so easy to cut everyone out, you know? Just fuck everyone and their hopes and dreams for me and do my own thing. Destruction is so easy.”
Despite the anger in his words, Uraraka softened. “Building is harder.”
“I can’t… I can’t raise Yukiko on my own.” Shigaraki shook his head and hastily added, “And that’s not what I’m asking you to do. You don’t owe either of us anything. Yukiko isn’t your responsibility. I know you’re willing to walk to the plate and do that, but she isn’t. She’s mine . I don’t want you to just be here because of Yukiko or because you feel like you’re needed for her.”
“So…” Uraraka stepped forward hesitantly. “Do you want me here – as a friend or part of your support system or–?”
“I want you here for me,” Shigaraki cut in. Uraraka stopped and blinked in surprise, her eyebrows raising. “It’s totally selfish and fucking bullshit that I had to go and...develop feelings for a goddamn hero, but yeah, that’s the truth.” He swallowed, glancing at her once and then looking away. “I...I can’t promise you everything. I can’t tell you that I won’t fuck up again or take a few steps back or close off. I’m asking way more from you than I can give right now, and it’s not fair, and I–” He shrugged. “I don’t care. When I was a villain, I was selfish and wanted to destroy everything, and now I have to live an actual normal life where I grow.”
“But it’s not normal,” Uraraka said.
Shigaraki sighed. “No, it’s not, and it never will be. I have to face obstacles that most people never have to think about, and in turn, anyone in my life will have to do the same.” He finally seemed to get a hold of himself and looked back to her, his red eyes calmer than she’d seen them before. It looked like he had a lot of time to come to terms with himself about a few things. “I don’t want to be the bad guy anymore. I don’t want to be the villain. And it’s humiliating to say that because that was a shield for me. Being horrible and awful protected me because then I didn’t have to live up to anyone’s expectations, just their nightmares.”
And he had been a part of hers years ago. She used to be so afraid that he would kill Deku or at the very least hurt her friends. He’d schemed to kidnap Bakugou. He’d lead a group that destroyed cities. He had made a mockery of hero society and rubbed their faces in the dirt. Once upon a time, she had wanted nothing more than to be rid of him so that she wouldn’t worry about him anymore – so that they wouldn’t be afraid.
But he was really trying to be someone else now. It didn’t make up for what he’d done – like he said, it wasn’t something they could easily forget – but he couldn’t be that person anymore, and he couldn’t let that person hold him back either or he’d go nowhere.
“If I keep pushing away and fucking up,” Shigaraki stated, “then I should give Yukiko up now while she still has a chance – and I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to abandon her like I felt – neglect her like I was – hurt her. I don’t want to repeat this stupid, horrible cycle that spit out both me and Touya.” He ran his fingers through his hair, a nervous energy in the air. “I don’t wanna be a monster anymore.”
Despite her own anxiety, Uraraka pushed forward, stepping toward him and reaching up to cup his face. He froze instantly, his entire body tensing, but then his eyes slowly raised from the ground to meet hers. “And you’re not. I know you aren’t that person anymore, but…” She took a deep breath. “I also know that we can’t just ignore it either. It will take years – hell, it might take your entire life – but that’s what living is, isn’t it? Do you want to go back to the way things were before?”
“Fuck no,” Shigaraki stated firmly. Then, he hesitated again, his eyes flickering over her face. “But it’s asking a lot of you to look past that for even a minute.”
“That’s my decision,” Uraraka pointed out.
Shigaraki narrowed his eyes. “What decision is that?”
Uraraka relaxed, her shoulders falling as she looked him in the eyes. “Maybe it’s stupid and crazy and foolish, but I want to try. I think I’d regret it if I didn’t.”
“And what if things don’t work out?” Shigaraki asked edgily.
“Then they don’t work out, and we figure out what to do after that, whether that means we go our separate ways or set up a schedule for Yukiko. You have to wait for a bridge before you can cross it.” Uraraka let go of his face, allowing her hands to drop to her side, but she didn’t step back away from him nor did she look away. “I thought Katsuki and I were gonna get married. We were so in love, and I thought we were gonna get married, start a family, and grow old together – and we didn’t.”
Shigaraki snorted. “Yeah, that’s really inspiring.”
“That’s life,” Uraraka told him. “In the end, we had different paths. His led him to Kirishima, and I’m genuinely happy for them – I am. And mine…” She held out a hand, gesturing at him. “Mine led me to you.”
“Sounds like a shitty path to me,” Shigaraku grumbled.
Uraraka couldn’t help but laugh. “A confusing and very windy one, that’s for sure.”
Shigaraki eyed her for a moment. “And you’re sure you want this?”
“Nothing worth having comes easy, right? Besides, I know what I’m getting into. You keep acting like I don’t, but I do.” Uraraka paused as she gathered her thoughts. She had to be honest, with him and herself. “I like…” Out of all the things to make her blush, it had to be something as simple and basic as this. “I like being around you. I like how I feel when I’m around you. I don’t know why, but I feel confident, trusted, appreciated. I feel like I’m a better hero now than I was a year ago.”
“Oh cool,” Shigaraki muttered. “My hero inspiration streak continues.”
Uraraka smiled. “Whether you like it or not, much like Deku, you are kinda inspiring.”
Shigaraki groaned. “Ugh, don’t compare me to Midoriya. That happened enough back in the day.”
“I think you two could be great friends,” Uraraka teased.
“Don’t kill the mood, okay?” Shigaraki huffed.
Uraraka raised an eyebrow. “There’s a mood?”
“Yeah, there is.” Shigaraki took the final step toward her and, with only a minor moment of hesitation, he laid his hands on her hips, pulling her snug against him. Warmth blossomed in Uraraka’s chest, especially when she caught the rather embarrassed look on Shigaraki’s face. He was trying so hard. The least she could do was have pity on him and not tease him relentlessly. From what she could gather, Touya might’ve done that job for her. “You sure you want to do this?”
“Well, if I didn’t, I would’ve told you to fuck off and that would be the end of that,” Uraraka pointed out.
Shigaraki stared down at her, his eyes a little darker than before. “That mouth of yours has to get you in trouble.”
“You could always get me to stop.”
When Shigaraki actually turned red, Uraraka laughed, dropping her head against his chest. She could feel him scoff, his chest jumping slightly as he exhaled irritably. God, it was so weird! But she was so tired of tiptoeing around things and coming up with excuses. She just wanted to act how she felt. She wanted to tease, flirt, be silly. She wanted to be with him despite every warning sign. Maybe that was a bad thing – maybe it would bite her in the ass later – but she could tell he was serious too.
He wanted to try. In the end, that was all she could ask for.
Getting a hold of herself, Uraraka lifted her head from Shigaraki’s chest and glanced around him at the clock. “So when are Yukiko’s uncles dropping her off?”
“Tomorrow morning,” Shigaraki said. “She’s staying the night with Touya and Fuyumi.”
“Oh, so–”
“So,” Shigaraki said, slipping his hands underneath her and lifting her up. She squeaked in surprise, wrapping her arms around his neck. She almost took away her own gravity out of habit, especially since she didn’t think he had the same muscles as, say, the last guy to pick her up. He didn’t complain, however, so she didn’t. “I’ve got a lot of making up to do.”
Uraraka bit her lip in an attempt to stop from grinning. “You could say that.”
“Living room or bedroom?” Shigaraki asked.
Uraraka leaned down and kissed him, that building warmth bursting in her chest when he reciprocated. “Bedroom,” she said, breathless and giddy as her heart skipped a beat. “But we’re talking more later.”
“Yeah, yeah, understood,” Shigaraki muttered against her lips, carrying her to the bedroom.
There would be plenty of time to talk, but for now, she just wanted to be with him. It was absolute insanity, and she couldn’t even begin to explain her feelings. But Deku was right. Life had a way of making strange turns and going into ridiculous directions, but for the first time in a while, she felt like her path was parallel with someone else’s, and she wasn’t going to run in the opposite direction. Whether or not things would work out between her and Shigaraki, she had absolutely no clue, especially when it didn’t seem like something that should work, but…
She had to try – they had to try – especially if this was what they wanted despite the whole world telling them otherwise.