Work Text:
December 21, 2022
The phone rang one morning, just as Sarah was in the middle of a diaper change for Libby. It was an odd time for someone to be calling, and she considered not answering it. But both boys were in school. What if something had happened to one of them?
Fortunately, Libby wasn’t being fussy, and she managed to juggle infant, diaper and the phone. She’d never have been able to do this when Nathan was a baby. Her parenting skills had improved dramatically by her third.
“Hello?”
“Mrs. Koehler, this is the nurse at Nathan’s school.”
Visions of horrible injuries raced through her head. It had only been two months since Bill had been hurt so badly. “What happened?”
“He’s physically fine, Mrs. Koehler. He’s...well...he’s having a bit of an emotional meltdown, and I don’t think he’s in any shape to stay in class. Can you come pick him up?”
She still had an hour before needing to pick up Wes, so she said “Of course. I’ll be right there,” finished changing Libby and raced for her van. What could have happened? She and Bill had wondered if any of their children would develop his panic attacks or, God forbid, her mental health issues, but surely six was too young for that?
Firmly, she told herself to stop worrying. She’d learn what had happened when she got to the school. Fortunately, there weren’t any deputies patrolling the route to the school because she might have exceeded the speed limit just a bit. And by “bit,” more like 15 miles per hour.
She fumbled the car seat straps twice but finally got Libby out of the back seat, and she hurried for the office. The women behind the counter recognized her. “Oh, you’re here for Nathan? He’s in the nurse’s office. Go ahead and go back there.”
When Sarah arrived at the nurse’s office, Nathan had apparently calmed down some. He was still crying, but softly, his sobs more like hiccups than cries. His eyes were red, and his cheeks tear-streaked. The nurse--Sarah couldn’t remember her name just then--looked up and said, “Here’s your mom, Nathan. See, I told you she was coming.”
Of course, as soon as Nathan saw her, he started crying harder. She went down on one knee, and gathered him close. She tried to listen, but all she could make out was “Rachel” and “mean” and “not true.”
She hugged him close with her right arm, holding an unconcerned Libby in her left, and gave the nurse a quizzical look.
The woman nodded and said, “Apparently, Nathan still believed in Santa?”
Oh! Now Sarah was starting to put things together. Rachel had always been a bit of a trouble maker, and had she really just ruined Santa for Nathan?
“He did. We figured it wouldn’t last long, but we’d hoped maybe one more year?”
“I think that ship has sailed.”
Sarah found herself getting angry at the nurse’s indifference. Nathan was crying into her chest, and she wanted to get all three of them out of there. However, good manners indicated she be polite. “Thank you for calling me. I’ll take it from here.”
She looked down at Nathan. “Let’s go, honey. We’ll go get Wes and head home. I’ll make you hot chocolate, and maybe we can start on Christmas cookies.” She’d planned to make them on Friday, but they would freeze until Christmas, and she had everything she needed for them.
Nathan gave a huge sniffle, took her hand and walked with her, his small body still shaking with the occasional sob. When they got to the van, she said, “Wait a minute, hon. Let me get Libby strapped in.”
With a dejected air, he stood by her while she fastened the car seat. As soon as Libby was in her seat, Sarah dropped down and gathered her son to her in a huge, full body hug. “I’m so sorry, sweetie. What did she say?”
He cried a bit more into her chest before finally saying, “That Santa Clause isn’t real and anyone who believes in him is a baby. I’m not a baby! Libby’s a baby.”
“What did your teacher say?”
“That Rachel was wrong to be nasty about it but right about Santa.”
It hurt her heart to hear the listlessness in her son’s voice.
He looked up at her. “Why didn’t you and Daddy tell me the truth? Why did you let me believe if it’s a lie? You tell me and Wes not to lie.”
Oh, the hard questions. How to field this one?
“Yes, your father and I do tell you not to lie. Because lies hurt people. But Santa Clause doesn’t hurt anyone, and children have been believing in him for many years. I was older than you before I learned he wasn’t real. It’s...just a fun thing for parents to share with their children. It makes us feel young again, I guess. Does that make sense?”
Nathan screwed up his face in thought before finally saying, “I guess so. Wish you’d told me instead of Rachel.”
She hugged him again. “Yeah, baby. Me too.” She held him for a minute before saying, “It’s time to go pick up Wes.”
He nodded, and she could see he was thinking about something.
“What, Nathan?”
“You say believing in Santa is a fun thing to share, right?”
“Yes.” She wondered where he was going with this.
He nodded his little head, blond hair flopping in his eyes. She really needed to cut it again. “Okay. So no telling Wes. He still believes, and I won’t ruin that.”
Sarah couldn’t help herself. She hugged him again, hard. “That’s good, son. That’s exactly right. I’m so proud of you.”
Nathan was solemn on the trip to pick up Wes. He didn’t even fuss when his younger brother complained that “he’d wanted Mommy all afternoon. No share with Nathan!”
Sarah was able to mollify Wes with cookie making, and the kitchen was a cheerful mess when Bill came home.
“Are those cookies I smell?” he said as he walked in and gave Sarah a puzzled look. He’d known she’d planned to make them on Friday, just before Christmas Eve.
Before she could say anything, Nathan went to his father, still with a solemn expression, took Bill’s hand and led him outside. Sarah didn’t take any notice, keeping Wes involved with sprinkling colored sugar on cookies.
About a half hour later, they came back and Bill gave her a nod. He was filled in. Sarah hoped Christmas Eve would still be special for Wes, but she was prepared for damage control, if needed.
***
Christmas Eve, 2022
Sarah and Bill had both been a bit on edge all day, but Nathan had been perfect, saying nothing to tip off his little brother. He hung his stocking and listened while Wes chattered excitedly about what Santa would bring him.
Sarah made their usual Christmas Eve dinner, oyster stew. It was odd to her, but apparently it had been a Koehler tradition for several generations, and Bill’s mom had taught her to make it.
The boys mostly had warm, oyster flavored milk, piled high with oyster crackers while she and Bill ate the actual oysters. They had decided to be just the five of them this year, with the family visiting starting on Christmas Day.
Another Koehler tradition was opening one present on Christmas Eve, and they all gathered around the tree. They opened in backwards age order, with Sarah helping Libby with hers.
Nathan sat quietly, with his chosen present in his lap. Wes was ripping into his package and exclaiming over the book he’d wanted. Sarah was watching Nathan. She knew her son and thought he was planning something. She hoped it wasn’t going to cause a Christmas Eve crisis.
What he did do, however, took her breath away.
Nathan started to rip open the paper on his present but then stopped and looked up, as if he’d heard something. “Did you hear that?”
“Hear what, son?” Bill asked.
Nathan started smiling broadly. Wes looked up from his book. “What did you hear?”
“You didn’t hear it?” Nathan asked.
Wes frowned. “Maybe? What was it?”
“Sure sounded like bells and maybe little hooves on the roof.”
Sarah got it. She met Bill’s eyes, and saw her husband was hiding a smile behind his hand.
“Really, Nathan?” Wes yelled.
Under the circumstances, Sarah and Bill both declined to remind him about “inside voice.”
Nathan got up and hurried to the window, followed closely by Wes. Nathan pushed back the curtain and pointed. “There, Wes! Just over the Miller’s house! Do you see it?
Wes squinted his eyes, looking where his brother was pointing. Suddenly, his face broke out in a huge grin. “I do, Nathan! That’s Santa’s sleigh, isn’t it?”
Nathan put an arm around his brother’s shoulder. “I think it is.”
Wes looked into the distance for a long moment before turning to his parents. “Mommy! Daddy! Did you see?”
Bill shook his head as he knelt between his two sons. “No, Wes. I didn’t get to the window in time. But I’m sure glad you saw it, buddy.”
Wes stood by the window, snuggled next to his dad, a look of wonder on his face. Nathan quietly went to hug his mom.
Sarah held him close and whispered in his ear. “Well done, Nathan.”
He looked up at her with a sad, sweet smile. “I wanted it to be good for him.”
“Merry Christmas, Nathan,” she said, giving him her most approving smile.
“Merry Christmas, Mom.”
Opening the remaining presents was almost an anti-climax after that.