Chapter Text
I forever wear the mask that grins and lies.
I've hidden my teary cheeks, my bloodshot eyes —
My mom is there.
She's standing there. Not moving. Dead. Yet alive.
James appears a bit later. He falls at her knees and screams, begs her to see him again —
He turns and sees me, a bad sign.
He runs at me... And I scream in an eerily, bloodcurdling, silent sort of way.
A debt I once paid, I've fallen to the abyss
Peter is there now.
He looks at me with a resigned look. Sympathy. Pity. All rolled in one.
I want to tell him so badly that I'm sorry.
He surprises me instead.
That he is the one that is sorry. That he killed himself so James wouldn't do it first, not my parents.
A warning all along that I read all wrong.
As I try and push through suffocating mist
Through a myriad about questions of life
Jefferson is there.
No one ever forgave him for what he did to us.
Not John for his chasing Francis away...
Not you for joining the teasing...
Not Charles after he blackmailed countless with his book...
Not Maria after he spread a vile rumor that got her hurt...
Not Laf or Herc after smoking them out of house and home...
Not me when he left me to fend for myself in a cave during a storm..,
Not Sam for getting him acquainted with you-know-who...
Not Theo after misgendering her so blatantly...
Not Angelica, Eliza, or Peggy, after he caused little Phillip's death...
Why should the world be over-wise,
In counting all my tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see me, while
I wear the mask.
My friends are all there.
They stand crying, reaching out to me.
To a darkness that hears no happiness, to a place where everything is out of reach for me.
I've smiled, but alas, our cries
Implore our tortured souls to arise.
We sing, but oh, we remain mute,
To the world, and others follow suit;
You come alone.
By yourself.
Perhaps I'll never get to tell the real you that I love you.
So is this mockery or comfort?
Aaron, my love, take your time, get out there.
I'll come back for you someday.
But let the world render us moot,
As we wear the mask!