Chapter Text
The rings on our fingers represented a vow to each other to see the end of the fighting together, and to build something in the peaceful world that followed. It wasn’t spoken between us, but we both knew that something to build in the future was a family. Often, it occupied Kaga’s mind, and often, she tried to make it a reality. Though her magic was versatile, she simply couldn’t yet find a way for us to conceive a child. Despite this, she took any victory that she could find, once my subordinates got into the habit of referring to me with terms of endearment reserved for a mother, Kaga immediately jumped on the opportunity to refer to herself as the father.
Time passed, and the war continued. It was a slow burn, sometimes we wouldn’t learn anything for a year or more, but then we would come across a breakthrough. More and more we were learning about the Sirens, how they fought, the nature of their technology, and we were inching closer to a victory against them, however slow it might be. The information built up over the years, and eventually we had a complete picture. The battle to defeat the Sirens was long and arduous, but with the combined efforts of all of Azur Lane, the Sirens were defeated. Some of the corpses and technology were taken to research facilities to be studied in greater depth.
The news of the Siren’s defeat was met with much celebration throughout the world, and those who fought against them were lauded and granted honors, invited to positions of power. There were positions in various fields, such as the research division or the front lines in special squadrons, and some even chose to retire peacefully. I accepted a higher ranked position, as I felt I had a responsibility to watch over the world that would grow in the wake of our victory.
Time passed, and there was something else that I noticed something about myself. It had been almost twenty years since Kaga and I married, and my attention wasn’t exactly directed at my appearance due to my duty during the war, and my duty to the world that followed. One day, I washed my face in the bathroom sink and looked at myself in the mirror. It was any other day, and so I was about to move on with my day when a thought struck me. How long had it been? Since everything happened throughout my life? My service in Azur Lane, my marriage to Kaga? I looked at myself, realizing that it had been well over twenty years. I was over forty years old, and I don’t look a day over my mid-twenties.
The thought remained with me throughout the day. I took notice of the most recent photographs of myself with my friends, family and subordinates. They were aging, and I looked the same. I lay awake next to Kaga, who had taken notice that I wasn’t going to sleep.
“Dear, is something the matter?” she asked, pulling me closer to her, her tails draping over me protectively. “You seem worried.”
I turned to face her and snuggled up close, breathing in her scent as I did. Lately I felt as if I was able to distinguish it more clearly than ever. “Kaga, something’s happening to me. I noticed it this morning,” I whispered against her. Kaga tilted her head curiously, prompting me to continue talking. Idly I ran my fingers through the fur on her tails. They were as soft as ever. “I haven’t really changed at all in the years we’ve been married, huh? I look the same.”
Kaga’s gaze remained steady on my face. She always looked at me like that, so gentle despite how cold she might seem at first glance. Even after I told her this, her expression remained the same, except I caught a tiny glimpse of something that might have been excitement. “My beloved Kurenai. Remember that you are the mate and wife of a nine tailed fox like myself. You’re always close to me, and slowly you are taking in my spiritual essence. It seems that it’s changing you. With time, perhaps when you reach a century of age, you will become like me.”
I closed my eyes to take that in. While I had nothing against spending an eternity with Kaga as a fox like her, a part of me knew that in choosing this path, I would have to watch as I became separate from other people around me who would grow old and die. My friends, and my family. At the thought, my heart stung in pain, and Kaga, sensing this, pulled me closer to her and held me in her embrace.
“I will be with you every step of the way. Now and forever,” Kaga whispered in my ear.
Once I became aware of it, I noticed the changes more easily than I would have otherwise. I saw things easier during the night than I did before, or at least the time it took for my eyes to adjust lessened significantly. My sense of smell had grown keener, though not by any major degree of the word. Small things that I used to pay no mind to bothered me, like peoples’ perfumes. The threshold between enough and too much had changed a lot. When I took my glasses off, such as to go to sleep, my vision was just like it was if I had glasses on, and I found that I no longer needed a new prescription every few years.
There were other times, such as when I experienced emotional highs, that my eyes glinted a different color. Kaga was the first to point it out. It was nowhere near as bright as the blue glow of Kaga’s eyes, but more like a softer twinkle of gold. “It was only for an instant, and then your eyes returned to their usual dark brown,” Kaga told me.
I decided that it would be wise to see someone I trusted about this. Though I knew what was happening to me as a result of my spirit, I wondered how it was affecting my body. I wondered if there might have been a scientific explanation for my condition. I suppose part of me still felt as if it was unreal, despite the undeniable proof of my own youthful face and my own experience. I contacted one of my subordinates from back during the war, who was now the head of a research department that worked on analyzing the technology from Siren weaponry recovered during the war and arranged to meet her in her laboratory.
I told her that I needed a checkup on my physical condition, and that she was the only person that I trusted for it. When I stepped into her laboratory, I was surprised at how cutting edge all the equipment was. I looked around, wondering how much it must have cost to buy all this equipment. My subordinate brought a cart of equipment over to where I was sitting and performed several checks on my physical condition. Temperature, heart rate, she listened to my breathing, checked my blood pressure, asked me to run for a while on a treadmill, and then performed those checks again. I held my arm out, my hand relaxed as she drew several samples of blood.
I passed the time conversing with her as she worked, trying not to think of what my test results would mean, whatever they were. “How has your life treated you, after being assigned here?” I asked, my eyes lazily focused on her as she examined her notes. The centrifuge for the blood samples whirred in the background.
“Well enough. I am treated well, given a good opportunity here. I miss how things used to be at times. You were a good commander to me. To everyone,” she responded. Letting out a soft sigh, it warmed my heart to hear that. I often wondered how my former subordinates’ lives were, and if they missed the old days in the way that I did, and all the good and bad that came with it.
After waiting for a while longer, my former subordinate walked over to me, her clipboard in her hands. She looked over them, the look on her face sinking into a frown, and then she turned her face towards me. Her voice lowered, as if she were afraid that someone might overhear us. “Commander,” she began, digging up older formalities between us. “How… how old are you again?”
I let out a sigh, briefly scanning her face before I answered. She was showing signs of age, laugh lines and wrinkles on her forehead. We had known each other for over twenty years now. “I will be turning 47 this year, my friend,” I responded after a long pause.
Her eyes widened ever so slightly. “And yet you do not look a day older than day we met.” She turned her clipboard over to show me. “Have a look. You are in peak condition despite your age, no, perhaps even better. There is no cell in your body that has aged since the last medical checkup on your record. Your eyesight is the same with or without glasses, your hearing is better than it was when you were younger. None of it makes sense.” She paused, closing her eyes, seeming to mentally run through her own memory to see if an answer lay there.
If she realized the truth, I would answer. In the meantime, I gripped the clipboard in my hands, reading the notes written there, notes that documented the physical effect of what was happening to me spiritually. I turned to look towards my subordinate, who seemed to have reached an understanding. “It is Kaga, isn’t it? From what I know about kitsune, she is one of the most powerful sort, having nine tails. So then, because you are her mate…” Slowly, I nodded my head, and I saw my subordinate purse her lips. “I see.” She took her clipboard back and held it against her chest. I could almost see the gears turning in her head.
“Do you want to fix this?” She asked me after a long silence. I shook my head. “…and you know consequences of that choice, yes?” I nodded. “Very well. I will keep an eye on your condition and let you know what we find. Let you know how you are changing.”
“Thank you, my friend,” I spoke.
The years passed, and the changes in my senses grew ever more prominent. I continued to visit my subordinate every few years for a checkup, and she kept an eye on how I changed. My vision grew sharper, better without my glasses than with them, and I eventually only wore my glasses when I interacted with other people. My hearing grew sharper, and there were times when I lay awake at night just listening to the sounds outside. Kaga could tell that there were times when I had difficulty sleeping, and so she lay awake with me, asking me questions about what I was listening to until I tired myself out.
“What can you hear?” Kaga asked, her voice soft so not to interfere with my focus. Idly, her hand moved hair away from my ears, and her other hand traced lines on the top of my head.
“There’s a small animal outside, moving around in the underbrush. It’s rustling up the leaves quite a bit. Maybe it’s digging for something,” I spoke idly, my eyes closed. “And… the family next door. Their oldest daughter is still awake, talking to a friend on the phone about exams.” I would simply ramble for a while, and Kaga would listen, occasionally prodding me for anything else that I was able to hear, and eventually, I would tire myself and fall asleep.
In my regular checkups, my subordinate would update me on my physical condition, telling me about how my vision and hearing test results only improved. More and more I was reminded of how I did not seem to age, as the years passed, my subordinate’s hair grayed, and wrinkles formed.
My parents passed away a while ago. I visited their graves with my sister, and as I turned to look at her, even she was starting to look older than I did. My family did not ask, and so I assumed that they knew in their hearts what was happening to me. Even my younger sister, so immature and nosy back then, smiled at me warmly as the two of us stood by our parent’s graves, smile lines crinkling her eyes.
“We all sort of knew this would be what would happen, given who you married. We felt sad about it, but, mother and father wanted you to be happy on the path you chose. They wouldn’t want you to worry, so don’t. Keep living,” my sister spoke.
I let out a soft laugh to hide the pain in my heart. “When did you get so world-wise, Minami?”
She nudged me with her elbow. “Around the time you came home with a nine tailed fox as a fiancée! I realized that there was a lot I needed to learn about the world, and this was after learning that ship girls were a thing!”
The two of us laughed like back when we were kids.
And yet my sister’s advice did not lessen the pain for when I stood at the funerals for my subordinates. For my close friends. For my sister, who was the last of the family that I grew up with. I stood with her children, mourning. Kaga remained at my side, and for that, I was grateful. If it were only me, I don’t know if I could have handled it. I cried, and I cried, my face buried in the crook of her neck for the entire night. There was a special sorrow in watching the ones I knew grow old and slip away while I lived. While I thrived.
I was not counting the years as they passed, but the top of my head began to itch, as did my lower back. Idly, I scratched at the top of my head, but the strange itch did not go away. When Kaga noticed, she simply advised me to leave it be. I thought that I had seen a glimpse of excitement in her eyes. My body felt feverish, so I retired to bed early that night. My dreams were restless, and I saw the faces of all the people who has passed on in my lifetime. Their faces, transparent and blurry seemed to get clearer. I wasn’t slipping, nothing like that. Perhaps I was just able to see them better, across the veil.
I awoke, for once earlier than Kaga. My head felt hot and my vision felt bleary. I looked at Kaga, my sleeping husband. Her eyes were closed, and her breathing was steady, slowly rising and falling as she slept. I swallowed a lump in my throat. My own body felt hot, and my breathing grew heavy and ragged the longer I gazed at Kaga. I needed her. I needed her now. Kaga’s eyes fluttered open when I tore open the front of her clothing, exposing her to me entirely.
“Uh…? Kurenai, what are…” I cut off her sleepy question with a kiss. I sought her tongue as my hands worked to free her from what was left of her clothing. When I finally pulled away from her, Kaga’s eyes wandered, at first to above my head, and then to somewhere behind me.
“I need you, dear. I need you more than anything else,” I spoke through kisses and bites on Kaga’s skin. I bit into her shoulder, pressing my body against her. I let go of her shoulder, and Kaga held me still, a hand on my waist. Her hands glowed with her blue spirit aura.
“Don’t worry, I’m here, my beloved Kurenai,” Kaga spoke, her voice dipping to a growl.
It was a while before I was brought back down to earth. Kaga handed me a mirror, and as I looked at my reflection, my ears twitched and I opened my mouth in surprised. On the top of my head, were a pair of black fox ears that were just like Kaga’s. They swiveled a little when I strained to hear something, and occasionally they twitched. The eyes that stared back at me were no longer human, either. My eyes had become gold, and they seemed to glisten in the low light of the room. Fox ears and gold eyes. If I had those, then that could only mean…
I jolted when I felt Kaga’s fingers run through something behind me. I craned my neck to see her idly and smugly stroking a single plush black tail that had sprouted from my lower back. Kaga’s eyes were locked onto mine. “As I thought, you do make a beautiful fox,” she said.
I bit my lip. The sensations of Kaga’s fingers on my new tail were almost too much to handle. “Kaga. Do not touch my tail too much, please…” I mumbled.
Kaga did not listen.
The first snows of winter began to fall as the two of us walked the streets of my hometown. We walked along the main road, hand in hand. We walked into town, and softly I marveled at how things had changed throughout the years. Despite this, some things remained the same. Under the light of the moon, Kaga and I approached the shrine to Inari, the same shrine where we first made our marriage vows. Kaga and I both left an offering to the god, and we prayed.
“Inari-sama, we come before you to ask for your blessing of fertility. My mate that I bring before you is now among your messengers. We humbly thank you for our longevity and ask you to bless us with children,” Kaga spoke.
My ears twitched as I heard a soft voice in my head, powerful, but quiet and still.
“Kurenai Ishikawa, formerly of human blood. The fidelity and faith that you have shown across lifetimes to your mate is unparalleled. I can clearly see the love that you two share, and the bond that has held true throughout time and life. Throughout more than just your life. To you and your mate Kaga, I will grant you the ability to bear children whenever you so desire.”
I turned my head towards Kaga, whose eyes were wide and misty. She gazed at me lovingly, and there were tears in the edges of her eyes. Throughout the century that I had known her, I had never seen her cry. Without a word, Kaga stood to her feet and offered her hand to me. Smiling at her, I took her hand and she helped me to my feet. Kaga pulled me closer and wrapped her arms around me. “I’ve waited for so long, my Kurenai,” she whispered.
I cupped her face in my hands and kissed her. “You heard Inari-sama’s blessing. Let’s return home.”
“Akiha, Natsumi, hurry along.” A small girl with long white hair and white fox ears that stood at attention, held Kaga’s hand as she walked along. I followed shortly behind her, holding the hand of another girl with shorter black hair. Black ears stood at the top of her head and she clung to my hand while we all walked together as a group.
“Mama, where did you say we were going?” Akiha, one of mine and Kaga’s daughters, looked up at me, her blue eyes shining with curiosity.
“Mother said that we were going to visit our grandparents,” Natsumi, our other daughter piped up, turning her head to talk to her sister. Her gold eyes glittered with excitement. The two of them were twins, but they were not identical. Kaga turned her head to look at Akiha, Natsumi, and then right back at me, her blue eyes warm with love.
“But aren’t our grandparents humans? How are we going to see them?” Akiha asked, her brow furrowed slightly. “Mama used to be human, so wouldn’t our grandparents have passed away?”
I smiled softly. “That is true, but as kitsune, both you two, your mother and I have the ability to visit the spirit world. We can see your grandparents and aunt there,” I explained, as Akiha’s eyes widened in wonder. Her eyes shone just like Kaga’s did. Our family walked in silence for a little while, until we crossed through the veil, and on the other side, in a place that looked like a beautiful summer home, the spirits of my mother and father waved at us.
I resisted the urge I had to run to them in greeting. Ever since they passed away, ever since I outlived both them and my sister, I had longed to see them again. But I couldn’t go to them simply bemoaning how I missed them, so I waited until I had something substantial to show them. “Mother, Father, I’m sorry that it took so long for me to visit,” I spoke as I greeted them.
My father was very clearly sobbing, and my mother’s eyes shone in pride. “Kurenai, we’ve missed you so, but we knew that you were in good hands, and that you were where you wanted to be. And we’d have sent you back if you came here running simply because you were sad that we left.” My mother smiled mischievously. Kaga walked up next to me, and with her free hand, held mine. “Introduce us to the girls, why don’t you?”
I did as she asked and brought the twins forward. The two of them immediately took a shine to their grandparents, and my father wasted no time doting on the two of them. “They’re beautiful and adorable,” my father sobbed.
Kaga nodded firmly in agreement. “They take after Kurenai,” she spoke, puffing up her chest. I rolled my eyes, smiling. As I looked at our two daughters happily talking and playing along with the spirits of their grandparents, I reminisced about the two lives that I had. I said a long time ago that I wished to have eternity to wait for Kaga. I no longer had to wait, and that eternity stretched out before me, with her at my side. The future and the past that I had lived through were intertwined here. Kaga’s fingers locked with mine. I turned my head towards her, and she looked back at me with nothing but love.
Softly, so that only I could hear, she whispered. “I love you, Kurenai.”