Chapter Text
Misfire was processor-numbingly bored. There was nothing to do on the Weak Anthropic Principle. Well, nothing to do once Misfire decided to ignore the list of chores that Krok handed him to get done by “TODAY!” See, the chores were boring and doing nothing was boring and if Misfire was going to be bored anyway then he certainly wasn’t going to put any effort in it.
There was only one cure for boredom; looking at weird porn on the internet.
And so, Misfire went to PornMedic.con and hit the random button until something caught his attention. This took quite a while as Misfire had already seen A LOT of weird porn. After skipping past titles like “TINY MOTORCYCLE SLAMMED BY HUGE XXX DRAGON” and “HORNY BOAT CAN’T GET ENOUGH TRANSFLUID” Misfire finally found something that caught his optic.
“ XXX FORBIDDEN ROMANCE!!!! MEGATRON SLAMMED BY OPTIMUS! XXX HOT!!!!!!”
To be fair, the title wasn’t what grabbed his attention, it was the actors. Two bots, who outside from being large, looked nothing like Megatron and Optimus, were in some compromising position while wearing masks of the leaders they were meant to portray. It seemed to have half the budget of the WAP on a bad day and Misfire couldn’t click the video fast enough.
And close it only slightly slower.
Embarrassment wasn’t an emotion that Misfire was overly familiar with. But it was one he found himself slammed in the face with the moment he selected the video. A mere minute into the video, Misfire backed out and covered his face.
There was something incredibly off about watching Megatron in a porn. Megatron had been an idol and something of a mentor-figure to Misfire, watching some approximation of him interfacing was incredibly off-putting.
Not off-putting enough to stop Misfire from trying to find other celebrity porn videos, but he did avoid all occurrences of “Megatron.”
It didn't take long for Misfire to come up with a celebrity who he did want to see some good old pistoning action from. He wasn't sure that there was enough of a fan following for Grimlock for him to have any off-brand porn, but it was free to find out. (In all honesty, he should have been paying for this service and show his gratitude to the fine actors in the production, but Misfire hadn't paid for anything before and he wasn't going to start now.)
To his delight, there was a selection of two (2) whole videos to pick from! Both of them featured Grimlock and some bot named “Swoop.” Who the pit was “Swoop”? Whoever he was, he was played by some tiny flier in either video, so Swoop was probably a tiny flier.
Wait, Misfire was also a tiny flier! Maybe he would be able to get some genuine sexy enjoyment from it as opposed to “this is so hilariously bad” enjoyment. Misfire excited clicked on the video link and began to watch.
The video opened with the flier walking in on Grimlock as he was self servicing.
“Oh slag, I'm sorry,” the flier said.
“Sorry for what? Optimus taught me not to be ashamed of my spike. Especially since it's such a good size and all.” 'Grimlock' replied. His voice wasn't gruff enough and the words were stunted and awkward besides.
The flier looked down at Grimlock's spike. “Yeah, I see that. Optimus gave you good advice.”
And then they were fragging. Not that the introductory scene was that short, but Misfire's attention span certainly was and he skipped ahead until some actual action was going on.
Though now he wasn't certain how Swoop ended up handcuffed to a berth. Maybe he should go back... Nah.
Electronic bass could faintly be heard underneath the too-loud, artificial sounding cries of 'Swoop' as 'Grimlock' ran his glossa along 'Swoop's' valve entrance. 'Swoop's' face seemed fairly vacant for all the noise he was making. Not to mention, he kept staring at the camera instead of the bot between his legs! The acting was terrible.
Misfire lowered the volume. The cries were so fake, it was ruining his fantasy of Grimlock being some sort of valve licking champion. With only the visuals, the whole thing wasn't quite so bad. (Except for the length of shots with 'Swoop' staring at him.) Close-ups showed 'Grimlock's' glossa playfully teasing 'Swoop's' outer node. Large hands held slender thighs in place. A thick digit carefully entered a leaking valve.
Biting his lower lip, Misfire rocked against the pillow positioned beneath his hips. Would the real Grimlock suck gently on his outer node? Would he give long, loving caresses of his glossa against Misfire's valve entrance? Would he carefully stretch him out with his digits, lavishing his outer node all the while?
Then a dreadful sound snapped Misfire from his haze. The sound of the door creaking open.
Misfire vented in relief seeing that it was only Grimlock.
Then he immediately tensed because it was Grimlock!
Grimlock seemed to give their shared quarters a quick glance before shutting and locking the door behind him. Misfire must have looked ridiculous, hips propped in the air as he rutted against his pillow shamelessly viewing porn on his tiny communicator screen.
“I can explain?” Misfire offered.
The berth shifted as Grimlock sat next to Misfire. Grimlock glanced at the screen and said, “You're watching a porn vid that features someone trying to look like me.”
Misfire's face brightened up. “Yeah! That's it!'
Grimlock stroked a large hand along the length of Misfire's spine making the smaller bot shudder. “You know we're together. If you wanted to watch me self service, you could have asked.”
There goes Grimlock, always forgetting that Misfire is an idiot.
Grimlock gave another glance to the video. “Or would you rather I tie you to the bed and lick your valve?”
“Yes! That one! Do that!” Misfire chirped.