Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Clark.” He snapped, scowl loosening into a look of indifference in the blink of an eye. He didn’t miss the flash of guilt, though. “Why are you here?”

“but it’s starting to affect- huh?”

“you’ve been moping and walking around the tower sighing for months, you dragged me out of a gala. Luthor nearly got his wish last week and to top it all off you disappear up to your mothers or that fortress of yours all the time. If that is your idea of keeping it to yourself, you and I have very different definitions.” 

“I don’t mope.”
 
“And I’m not Batman.” Bruce drawled, his eyes rolling. “I’ve had leaguers accusing me of upsetting you because of your moping.”

Clark frowned, “Why would they blame you?”

“I don’t know. I don’t remember doing anything that would warrant an apology-"

"Well that’s not exactly true,”

“-And even so, I must have had a good reason-”
 
“-of course you would-”

“-All my actions are carefully thought out and for you to get offended is just your own emotional sensitivity- “

“-Of course, it is-”

“-And besides, I know what’s wrong with you. What you have been hiding.”

“Yeah, yeah. Of course you- What?” Clark stopped, dumbfounded. “ You do?”

“Of course. I have been watching you, and I am not as oblivious as the others, I pay attention.”

Clark blinked, opened his mouth and tried to form words and closed it again. This- this was not what he was expecting. He imagined a big confession and anger. A confused Bruce maybe? But him actually knowing? He hadn’t prepared for this, he didn’t understand this. If Bruce knew, why did he ever say anything?

“How long have you known?” he croaked, 

“Awhile.”

Awhile. Awhile? What did that even mean? A year, a month? His eyebrows scrunched down as he frowned, his inner turmoil of the situation pushing him off guard, “why didn’t you say anything?”

It was Bruce who was quiet for a moment now, his eyes boring into Clark as the cogs went in his mind. He could tell Bruce was picking his words carefully.

“I told you not to bother coming to the manor until you were ready to talk,” he eventually said, his tone carefully reserved. “I thought I would wait for you to be ready.”

Huh. Out of everything he expected, that was not one. It left him with more questions than answers though, even if it wasn’t the worst outcome that ran through his head. He saw Bruce receding into himself a little more, emotions always making the man block off. They stood watching each other, Bruce staring and Clark doing his hardest to keep his eyes locked on the other man instead of every inch of the cave he was not. 

“Well. Uh, I’m ready to talk.” He said, dumbly. Bruce continued to stare at him as he shifted from each foot, hands placed behind his back as he stood on the other side of the platform. Clark took a deep breath, “I know you must disapprove, you probably think this type of thing shouldn’t even be considered in our line of work, and I know I should have handled it better but damn it, Bruce, I’ve tried, and I can't face ignore it anymore.”

There was a pause, “I agree.”

“You…agree?” 

Bruce rolled his eyes. “Yes, why is that so hard for you to believe?”

It shouldn’t be, to be honest, this should be one of the most normal things to happen when one thinks about aliens coming from the sky and time travel. And its true, he would believe except its Bruce Wayne, Batman, he was talking about here. This was harder to believe than when his pa told him he was from another planet for Christ sake. Even the possibility, the slither of hope that Bruce was actually agreeing with him on this, admitting feelings, left Clark torn between running for the hills or Checking Bruce for a fever. He couldn’t stop his hands fidgeting if he tried, and he stood there gaping at the other man like a damn fish, a deer in the headlights having a whole new meaning because Bruce had just agreed with him as casually as when he asks for the salt.

“I just-“ He’s stalling, they both know he's stalling, trying to find words as Bruce’s face contorts into a slight look of offense. And dammit Clark can’t help but notice how cute his little pout is, and in that moment he understands anxiety better than he ever had before. “I guess I was just expecting something different? Like, kryptonite shoved up my ass for even suggesting it or a threat maybe? I’m not sure, I was just, I came here in old clothes in case you tried to stab me. For this. Feelings? You honestly agree though, damn.”

The pout became more pronounced at the stabbing comment, and Bruce looked off to the side and scrunched his eyebrows down. His face looked troubled, sad even. And for a split second Clark regretted his choice of words. He was still staring off as he spoke.

“I may be… difficult at times. I’m aware of this. I still feel though, Clark, as much as I don’t want to. I understand that when you love someone it clouds your judgment, so if I had been harsher on you it is only because I can’t allow that on the field.” He looked back then, his face serious. “But I also understand when you love someone you want to protect them, they are important. I’ve known for a while, I knew before you did apparently. What I don’t understand is why you have not acted on it till now?”

Well shit. Shit shit shit. He was- he doesn’t know. He does know. He lets himself deflate, curling in on himself slightly as a barrier. “Fear.”

It was only one word. But damn, he had been scared for months, every day he felt it. Sick with it. He was scared to hug him a second too long, or stare too intently just in case it was the one thread Bruce latched onto and started pulling for answers. In case he pulled that thread and unravelled Clark's dirty little secret. Bruce said nothing back, just squinted his eyes and cocked his head to the side in question.

“I, god, I was scared. I don’t know what of exactly, rejection maybe? Ruining everything? I thought if I kept it inside I could still have that sliver of hope, a maybe one day. Dreams and fantasies that still had a chance instead of being fiction if I knew the truth. I just didn’t count on it eating me up so much, I thought it would go away if I just ignore it. But it didn’t. And now I can’t hide it anymore, I really can’t. But you know, and out of all the stabbings and anger I imagined, your just, accepting it. I finally understand the fear your enemies feel because I am drowning in it.”

A sudden hand was on his shoulder before he could finish, a warm gentle squeeze that he drunk in like he was starving. Bruce was looking at him, his face unreadable but his eyes were as unguarded as Clark had even seen. He felt like he could never look away, he was trapped in place by the sheer energy that was Bruce Wayne.

“You could never have been turned away, if you stopped to actually observe you would know there would be no rejection there to meet you, Clark. You are a brave, selfless man and your feelings are met just as passionately, I can bet my Batmobile on that.” Clark couldn’t help the smile at that, and Bruce nodded his reassurance. “You cannot let fear get in the way because-“

“I love you, Bruce.” He leant forward to crush their lips together.

 “-Lois loves you.”

Clarks slowly caught on, thinking back over his words as he felt the softness of his lips. Lois loves you. He repeated it, and then again. When it finally sunk in, it hit hard. The kiss suddenly felt bone-crushingly awkward, searing even when he picked up on the fact Bruce had not moved an inch. He held on for a few more seconds as he started to panic, shock making him immobile. Bruce wasn’t kissing him back, his hands were still clasped behind his back while Clarks were on his cheeks. Bruce said, Lois. Lois loves you, not I love you. He let go and jumped back, eyes wide as he started to breath quicker.

Bruce was staring forward towards him, but not really at him. Through him. He was stood right in front of Clark, but he wasn't there. This was it was all Clark could think, this is how I die. This is how I disappear. They are going to find him on the side of the road somewhere, or maybe he'll never be found. He will never be found, he knows he won't.  He wished he took up his ma's offer of staying over for pie, he wished he just didn't listen to her. This, this is worse than if Bruce had known. This was- oh my god. Clark stared at him, for all intent and purposes probably looking like a man who had pissed his pants. He was close, god damn it he was, but for some unknown reason, his pants were still dry.

His jaw worked a few times, nothing but a chocked breath coming out at first. Bruce was still absent, his face full of mild shock and his lips ajar the slightest bit.

"Bruce?" was squeaked out, too high even to his own ears. He wanted to run, he wanted to fly out of there so quick that he felt it in every fibre of his body. He stayed put, though, anchored to the floor.

A few moments passed, the only sound being Clarks hyperventilating and the metal creaking under his nervous shuffling. Bruce still hadn't moved, still staring, his brain seeming to have short-circuited and trying to reboot itself. Maybe in a few years, Clark will look back on tonight and proudly see himself as one of the only people who could shut down the great batman, but right now? Right now he just wanted something. Any type of reaction would be good.

"That's, that's getting a bit scary now."

Bruce finally took in a sharp inhale and blinked a few times, and Clark jumped out of his skin at the sudden change. He watched, saw Bruce's confused expression, his mouth snap shut and then open again. A small quiver in his lower lip the only reveal as a silent word failed to reach past his lips.

"So, in fact-" He cut short, blinked, sounded nothing like the sure tone of the batman. It was shaky at best, a simple and utter confusion in his voice that threw Clark even more on edge. His lip twitched again, his head ever so slightly tilting as his eyebrows scrunched down for a second, "-You mean,"

"Yes," Clark breathed, nodding slightly in apprehension.

"you love-" He paused again, the cogs in his mind twirling. Clark couldn't help but think if this if were a cartoon he would see smoke coming out of his ears.

"-Me?"

"-you."

Clark released a deep breath, daring with everything he had in him to take a small step forward, leaning down just a touch to catch Bruce's bewildered eyes.

"Of course. Of course, I love you."

Bruce nodded slowly, staring at him with a look Clark couldn't even pinpoint if he tried as his eyelashes fluttered, and then he was moving, and he didn't stop until he collapsed into his computer chair. He scrubbed a hand down his face, muttering to himself that Clark had to focus on just to hear, not that any of it made sense.

"How did I not see this? It all made sense, the books even confirmed it. I was looking at the angle. The boys, even Alfred. Lois."

He hesitated before asking, "Bruce?"

"I don't quite understand," he admitted, rubbing his eyes. He looked at Clark, a scrutinizing look that left him feeling like he was in a petri dish. "It was Lois, everything pointed to Lois. The fake relationship surfacing after she goes on two successful dates, the gala from redirected jealousy, even when I visited you at the planet you were both discussing the subject. I watched her reactions."

"We were talking about you and me."

"When?" he asked,

"When what?"

"When did," he gestured towards Clark, "This happen."

"I don't know," he answered truthfully, "When did I realize?  A year ago, but god after, I realized everything that has happened had been leading up to this. I've always wanted to get to know you, you have always been special to me. I realized I haven't even dated in 6 years after meeting you. I wasn't interested, and I guess you're why."

"Six years." he echoed, scrubbing his face again. "I'm sorry but, you understand this is a lot to process. I thought Lois- I didn't factor in the fact you might be gay."

"What is it with people and saying that, I'm not gay. I just like you."

"Right. Okay." the way he shifted in his chair didn't look like his answer helped him atoll, and he shifted again, coughed and rose up. "Well, I think its time for me to go out on patrol."

"Bruce-"

"It was nice of you to visit Mr Kent." he interrupted, stalking around the edges of the platform, keeping as much distance as he could between them until he stepped down. He paused minutely, back faced to Clark. "I trust you know your way to the door."

He stayed stood for sometime, a long while after he heard the loud roar of the Batmobile fade off into the distance.

"Mister Kent."

It shocked him enough to whip around, sniffing a little as he tried to smile to cover himself up. By the looks of Alfred's face he wasn't fooling anyone. He got a sympathetic look in return.

"If I may be so bold, it may not seem like it but tonight was a success."

He winced, "You saw all that?"

"Master Bruce's earpiece was active, I did not mean to eavesdrop." he turned and started to walk back towards the elevator, Clark a step behind. "He has a peculiar way of showing his affection, as I'm sure you know. But please be aware his affection for you is in abundance, he just hadn't realized it till now. I should have known he would cross the wires somewhere."

Clark smiled pitifully as Alfred pressed the button, the elevator jerking upwards. "I'm not sure he does Alfred, I'm not sure any of this is a good thing."

Alfred looked at him, a thoughtful pinch to his face as Clark looked away down to his shoes with a sigh, "I have known that man since he was in diapers Mister Kent, and all you have done is shaken him. But now you have, you mustn't let him push you away, and he will try, for when he realizes he cares for someone, he treats it like a virus."

He huffed at that, "So I'm a virus now?" 

He saw Alfred's lip quirk as the doors opened, "I'm afraid so, Mister Kent."