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Gray had been feeling irritable and out of sorts all morning, not helped by the fact that their job was taking them up into the mountains around Mount Hakone. It was the first time he had come up here in ages, and the first time since he’d been diagnosed with asthma nearly a month ago. Something that he still hadn’t been able to bring himself to tell Natsu, let alone the rest of his teammates, and he glanced surreptitiously at them before rubbing a hand against his chest. The doctors had warned him that the weather might be a contributing effect, especially when he’d admitted that the worst of the attacks that had sent him to seek out medical advice in the first place had been in the Winter. At first, he hadn’t thought much about it, as it had just been just general shortness of breath, but given how active they all were he had dismissed it as just that. However, it had got worse, and once he’d started to feel like there was an iron band around his chest, he had known it was time to get help.
He just hadn’t expected it to be something that wouldn’t just go away with a course of medicine. While they had told him he wasn’t a severe case, he had to carry inhalers with him at all times, and he had to watch for certain things that would make him more susceptible to an attack. But there had been nothing for the past month, so all he’d had to worry about was hiding the inhalers from Natsu and trying to work out how, if and when he was going to broach the topic with his mate and teammates. Which was something that he was still no closer to finding an answer to, and something that he was beginning to regret as he felt the tightness starting in his chest. Damn it not now…
He plodded on, for once glad that Natsu was ahead of him and teasing Lucy who was grumbling about the cold. The Dragon-slayer was usually attached to his side on jobs nowadays, and there was no way he would have been able to hide that something was wrong if Natsu was right beside him, because as oblivious as his mate could be most of the time, he never seemed to miss anything when it came to the Ice mage. Which was why it was a miracle that he hadn’t caught on already, although to be fair, Gray never usually worked to deliberately keep something from him. I can’t stop. I don’t want them to find out like this, he thought with a hint of desperation as he tried to keep going, but now his throat was beginning to ache and itch, and it felt like his lungs were shrinking in his chest.
“Damn it,” he muttered, coughing softly and feeling his breath beginning to wheeze and he realised that unless he did something they really going to find out in the worst way possible. Rubbing his chest again he glanced up to make sure the others were still distracted he pulled his bag round to the front and began to rummage through it, trying to ignore the prickling of fear as his breath continued to catch.
Wait. Wait…
“GRAY!” Lucy’s warning shout was the only reason that he managed to dodge the Vulcan that had sprung at him while he was distracted. However, he realised that he hadn’t been entirely successful when there was a sharp tug on his neck and shoulder and realised with alarm that the beast had snagged the strap of the bag. Frantically he tried to detangle himself and keep hold of his bag, the tightness in his chest not helping and in the end he had to admit defeat as he realised that he was being tugged towards the drop. He slithered out of the strap, just as a fiery blur charged past with a roar, and he was unable to do anything but watch as the Vulcan was sent tumbling over the edge along with his bag and more importantly his inhalers.
“No!” He cried out, only to wince as it caught on his sore throat, feeling the iron band that had settled around his chest tightening and he was only vaguely aware of his legs giving way beneath. He wasn’t coughing anymore, and he knew that was a bad sign, and he tried to focus on taking calm, deep breaths like the doctor had told him to. Not an easy task when he could feel himself beginning to panic. He still wasn’t used to this, and he knew that there was no way the others were going to be able to ignore the fact that something was wrong with him.
Damn it. No, breathe…breathe…
He ordered himself as sternly as possible, vaguely aware of the others calling his name, and the sound of feet rushing through the snow towards him.
“Gray?” Natsu was suddenly there, arriving in a flurry of worry and warmth as he frantically clutched at the Ice mage’s arms, eyes widening as he took stock of how Gray was wheezing as he struggled to draw in enough breath, and the tension in his mate’s expression. “Gray? What is it? What’s wrong?” The Dragon-slayer’s panic would have been flattering in any other situation, as at times Gray still found it hard to believe just how far they had come, but right now it wasn’t helping as he could feel himself wanting to panic as well. “Gray!”
“I…” Gray struggled to try and get the words out, needing to get Natsu to calm down so he could focus on calming down. However, it was hard to focus on anything but the fact that he couldn’t get enough air and he found himself turning pleading eyes towards Erza when she and Lucy appeared a moment later with Happy in tow. “H-Help….” He managed to gasp out, immediately regretting it as he felt himself slumping, unable to focus on holding himself upright and breathing and he was relieved when Erza beat Natsu to grabbing him.
“Hospital?” She asked him, sounding surprisingly gentle despite the tension radiating from her expression and he nodded, nearly boneless with relief that she had worked out what he needed, knowing that without his inhalers, he wasn’t going to be able to settle this attack by himself. He heard Natsu’s anxious whimper as he agreed with Erza’s question, and he turned guilty eyes towards the Dragon-slayer, his stomach plummeting as he took in the stark fear in Natsu’s eyes.
I’m sorry…
He wanted to say, but he knew that he didn’t have the breath for that and instead he closed his eyes so that he could focus on just breathing, not even able to protest as Erza lifted him carefully in her arms, feeling her magic wash against his skin as she changed her armour. “Gray, we’re going now, all right?” He nodded, trusting her to get him to where he needed to go, and not really caring as long it eased the band around his chest, and he clung to her as she took off at a run, trying not to think about the fact that he was leaving Natsu behind without any answers.
I’m sorry…
*
Natsu was numb as he let Lucy and Happy guide him back down the mountain, unable to focus on anything but the memory of Gray crouched in front of him clearly struggling to breathe. That sight had been bad enough on its own, but what had made it worse was the fact that the Ice mage had clearly had some idea of what was going on. He had been alarmed, but he hadn’t been shocked like the rest of them and that left an unpleasant taste in the Dragon-slayer’s mouth as it meant that his mate had been keeping secrets from him. Even that wasn’t as unpleasant as the fact that he hadn’t been able to do anything. He had frozen in panic, and it had fallen to Erza to help his mate.
I couldn’t help him…
****
A few hours later:
Gray shifted uneasily on the bed when the door to the hospital room had opened to admit his teammates at last. That attack had taken a while to calm down even after he’d received the medicine he’d needed, as well as a lecture from the doctors about being careless enough to lose his own inhalers. Apparently, a Vulcan attack was not a good enough excuse, his lips quirked slightly at that thought before his expression sobered as he took in the worried expressions on his friend’s face, well aware that there was no way he was going to be able to keep it secret any longer.
“How are you feeling?” Erza asked as she moved to his side, relieved to see that he had more colour back in his face and that his breathing had returned to normal. While she had managed to maintain a calm mask until she got him into the doctor’s care, it had been harder than she cared to admit, especially as with him in her arms it had been impossible not to feel how he was struggling to draw in enough air.
“I’m all right,” Gray replied quietly, seeing how Lucy relaxed at his quick response as well, but Natsu who was hovering at the back merely clenched his hands and the Ice mage bit back a sigh. Clearly, the Dragon-slayer wasn’t going to forgive him that easily. “Thanks for getting me here,” he added as he turned his attention back to Erza and offering her a grateful smile, well aware that it could have been a lot worse. And it would have been my own fault…
“What happened?” Lucy asked.
“I-I had an asthma attack,” He admitted quietly, hearing the sharp intakes of breath that met that confession and he carefully avoided looking at his mate as he continued. “It had already started before the Vulcan attacked, but the blasted creature took my bag with it…and my medicine was in the bag.” He had thought that it was going to be safer to store them in his bag that his jacket, because of the number of times he threw the blasted thing off, but apparently even his bag wasn’t secure enough these days.
“Asthma?” Erza echoed, sounding torn between shock and growing anger, and he winced as he glanced at her, well aware that she had cottoned onto the fact that he had known what was going on, that he hadn’t been surprised, and he ducked his head as he nodded sheepishly.
“Yeah.”
“How long have you known?” She demanded sharply, and he flinched at her tone, glancing towards Natsu before forcing himself to reply.
“A month…”
For a moment there was a stunned silence in the room, and Gray had to fight the urge to squirm… losing the battle a moment later when a soft growl rang through the room, and he swallowed as he glanced towards Natsu once more. I’m in so much trouble…
**
Gray had been slightly alarmed when the girls had disappeared a couple of minutes after that to give them some peace and quiet to talk, he still had no idea how to explain all this to Natsu, and the Dragon-slayer had been worryingly quiet apart from the growl since he had been allowed in to see Gray. The only thing that stopped him from panicking completely was the fact that Natsu was watching him. He had learned from painful experience that when the Fire mage was truly mad with him, which thankfully had only happened on a couple of occasions, he wouldn’t acknowledge the Ice mage’s presence at all. However, he wasn’t sure what to make of the strange expression on the Dragon-slayer’s face as Natsu finally moved, padding across to the bed, although he made no effort to grasp Gray’s hand as he usually would if they wound up in hospital.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Natsu’s voice when he finally spoke after staring at the Ice mage for a moment was a lot softer than Gray had been expecting, and he found himself floundering slightly. Why isn’t he angrier? If I were in his shoes, I would be yelling…
“I…” Why? Why didn’t I tell him?
“They said you were lucky…that this could have killed you,” Natsu’s voice had gained a strained edge, and Gray swallowed as he caught the tears swimming in the olive eyes. They had both been in a position where they had thought they might lose the other before, it was an unfortunate side effect of the job and Fairy Tail’s bad luck, but this was different. This wasn’t because of a job, but because of an illness, and because the Ice mage hadn’t told the Dragon-slayer what was going on, and Gray found himself having to look away as he remembered just how terrified Natsu had been up in the mountains and he blinked back sudden tears. I did that to him…He longed to reach out and grab Natsu’s hand, anything to drive that memory away but he wasn’t sure that he had the right at the moment, but he did force himself to lift his head and meet Natsu’s gaze as the Fire mage added softly. “And I wouldn’t have known what was wrong, or why it was happening.”
There was no real accusation in the soft words, and in a way that just made it that much worse and Gray bit his lip before whispering.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologise.” For the first time, a hint of real irritation entered the Dragon-slayer’s voice, and Gray flinched at the change in tone even though he knew that he deserved it, but it was better than the raw emotion in Natsu’s next words. “Just tell me why you didn’t tell me!”
“I…” Gray swallowed, well aware that he should have told Natsu the moment he had been diagnosed if only to try and avoid this situation. But…why didn’t I? He glanced down at his hands, curling them into fists and allowing his magic to play across his fingers for a moment. His magic which was the proof of his strength, just as the inhalers on the counter and the lingering discomfort in his chest were proof of his weakness, and he hesitated for a moment before admitting softly. “I didn’t want you to see it as a weakness…” I didn’t want you to see it for what it is. He knew that today’s events had been a case of bad luck more than anything, but still it had highlighted just how vulnerable he could now and his eyes stung with fresh tears. I don’t want to be left behind…
“A weakness?”
“We’ve always been evenly matched,” Gray forced himself to explain, knowing that Natsu deserved that much after the scare he had given him, relieved when the Dragon-slayer made no attempt to argue that he was the stronger of the pair like he usually would. “We’ve grown up together, and grown stronger together, and then this happened,” he closed his eyes for a moment, Remembering the frustration and fear that flooded him the day they had given him the diagnosis. It had taken a couple of days after for him to even begin to contemplate how he was going to adapt to dealing with asthma on top of everything else. He had even gone to the extent of lying to Natsu and telling him that he was going on a solo job, just to give himself time to mull it over. Instead, he had used the time to push it to the back of his mind as best as he could, and he knew that was part of the reason for the mess he was currently in. “I don’t want to get left behind.”
“Gray…”
“I know it’s a stupid reason,” Gray cut across him, not wanting to hear the scolding that he was sure to come his way…he knew that it was a stupid reason, but at the time that had been the only thing he could focus on, and even now it was something that terrified him. “But…”
“It is stupid,” Natsu agreed quietly, and Gray couldn’t hide the hurt that flashed across his face, and he was startled when the Dragon-slayer finally closed the gap between them and reached out to grasp his hand. The familiar warmth of Natsu’s hand around his comforting, but it wasn’t enough to completely erase the sting of Natsu’s words, and he braced himself when Natsu continued in a soft voice. “But not for the reason you’re thinking. If I were in your shoes, I would be worried about the same thing.” Gray blinked in surprise, having expected the Dragon-slayer to finally give in to the urge to scold him, rather than offering him agreement.
“Then…”
“The thing you’re forgetting is that you’re not just a teammate,” Natsu continued cutting across him with a soft smile, and Gray felt something relaxing in his chest at the sight of that smile. It was still a far cry from Natsu’s usual sunny grin, but it was enough to reassure him that he hadn’t completely ruined everything by keeping such an important secret, and Natsu’s next words brought a smile to his own lips. “You’re a friend…you’re my mate.” There was the Natsu he knew and loved, the hint of draconic possessiveness suffusing his voice warming Gray to his core, although not as much as the words that followed. “I am not going to leave you behind. Ever…”
“But…”
“Ever!” Natsu said emphatically, leaning in to kiss him gently, and for Gray that was the final sign, he needed to know that things were going to be okay and he felt tears on his cheeks when he pulled away a moment later.
“Natsu…” What had he ever done to deserve this Flamebrain? His voice caught for a moment as he scrubbed at his cheeks, managing a watery smile while he gently squeezing the warm fingers entwined with his as he said softly. “Thank you….”
“So what do I have to do to make things better?” Natsu demanded, turning serious once more as he squeezed Gray’s hand. “I never want to feel that helpless again!” There was no way he was going to keep Gray from coming on jobs, and he didn’t want to treat him differently, but the thought of having to watch his mate struggling to breathe again and not knowing what to do, was something he couldn’t bear.
“There’s not much,” Gray admitted reluctantly, continuing quickly when he saw Natsu’s face fall at his reply, worrying at his bottom lip as he tried to think of what would help. “Today only got as bad as it did because I lost my bag which had my inhalers with. They might not always be enough, but the majority of the time they should be enough.”
“Then keep spares in my bag!” It was clear that it wasn’t a question or a suggestion, but Gray was happy to nod in agreement, slightly surprised to get such a sensible response from his mate. “Then at least we have a backup.”
“The only other thing…” Gray began hesitantly.
“What is it?”
“If it happens again, I need you to stay calm,” Gray winced as olive eyes narrowed at him, and he hastily explained what he was asking. “I know you panicked because you didn’t know what was happening, but trying to get my voice to work to reassure you all…” He shivered as he recalled the sensation of fighting the iron band in his chest and his own rising fear, to try and reassure them. He hadn’t wanted them to panic, especially not Natsu, but it was an added strain that he could have done without.
“Understood…” Natsu replied, catching the shiver and gently squeezing Gray’s hand, unable to remain irritated when it was clear that Gray was still upset over what had happened. It would never be easy to see his mate like that, and he had every intention of making sure that he learnt everything the doctors had told the Ice mage when they were safely like that, but now that he would at least know what was happening he would do everything he could to stay calm.
Sighing he eyed the bed, now that the serious stuff was over and done with he just wanted to cuddle with his mate and reassure himself that Gray was okay. Oh, he knew that the doctors had already said the Ice mage could leave in a few hours, but he still felt uneasy, his draconic side needing the reassurance of holding its mate for a while and he shifted nervously.
“Natsu?”
“Move over,” Natsu ordered, deciding that he didn’t care if he got into trouble for climbing onto the bed as well or that the bed was probably going to be too small for the two of them.
“Huh?”
“Move over,” Natsu repeated, allowing some of his need to seep into his voice and Gray’s expression softened as he immediately scooted over as best as he could, and Natsu shot him a relieved smile as he clambered up onto the bed and plastered himself against his mate. “You can tell me the rest when we get home, right now I went to cuddle with you until you’re allowed to leave.”
“But…” Gray was used to be cuddled by the Dragon-slayer, well aware that Natsu often needed it for reassurance, but that was usually in the safety of their house or at the guild where everyone knew about them, and he blushed slightly at the thought of the nurses walking in on them even as Natsu’s arms snaked around him.
“Please, you scared me,” Natsu pleaded.
“Okay,” Gray agreed after a moment, unable to resist when Natsu gave him those pleading olive eyes, besides if he was honest with himself he needed the reassurance as well and Natsu’s warmth was comforting as it engulfed him. He sighed as the Dragon-slayer pulled him closer, and he nuzzled against Natsu’s shoulder as apologised again. “I’m sorry…”
“I know,” Natsu murmured, his arms tightening around Gray for a moment as he added tersely. “Just don’t keep something like this from me again.” “I won’t,” that was an easy thing to agree to, but he was unsurprised when Natsu shifted so that he could see his face, before asking in a small voice.
“Promise?”
“Promise.”