Archive of Our Own ^beta

Even Tony was getting into this one, which, okay maybe didn't exactly support her point about normalcy since Tony Stark was anything but normal. Still, with most of the tower in apparent agreement with her based on their outfit choices today, Darcy knew she was right.

Halloween wasn't just for children, gosh darn it!

With a sigh, Darcy adjusted the cat ears on her head and crossed her arms, tapping her boot-clad foot on the floor as she waited for the elevator to arrive. 

Earlier, when she'd walked into the lab Bruce had smiled at her shirt that depicted a box with a little talking bubble saying "meow." Seriously, Schrödinger jokes were catnip to all science nerds, pun intended.

Then in a flash the smile had turned into a frown as he'd noticed the cat ears and fingerless black gloves that made up the rest of her costume. "Halloween," he'd practically growled in realization, before sinking down in his seat and slumping his shoulders over the data set he had been reading on his tablet.

Darcy's persuasions that Halloween was awesome did no good. Not even the idea of seeing little mini Hulks running around for trick-or-treating seemed to warm him to the idea and... oh! The elevator dinged as understanding washed over her. Stepping inside, Darcy chewed over the idea that Bruce was probably feeling similar to how monsters would feel if they were real and being mocked for an entire day.

Not that she thought the other, green guy was a monster. That's just what Bruce seemed convinced of and no persuading would make him think differently. 

Darcy didn't have long to mourn for Bruce's sad life before the elevator doors opened and she stepped back to allow the newcomer on, who turned out to be Pepper Potts.

"Darcy!" Pepper exclaimed, and while Pepper had never seemed to dislike her, the woman's unusually enthusiastic greeting had Darcy wary.

She hesitated before stepping off the elevator a full two floors early, and even peered up at the ceiling, just imagining the AI Jarvis helping Pepper track her down. "Today, I'm a dead cat," she deadpanned, "Not Darcy."

Pepper nodded willingly enough. "Of course you are. Look, I have a favor to ask and I feel really bad about this, but..." Darcy steeled herself. "Can you pass out the candy for trick-or-treating tonight?"

Huh. That wasn't so bad. If anything, it would give her an excuse not go to the absolutely horrible-sounding party that the guys on the fourth floor had convinced her to attend. Accountants and bobbing for apples did not sound like Darcy's idea of a good time. "Sure," she replied, shrugging.

Almost immediately she was engulfed in a sneak attack hug by the redhead. "Bless you, dead cat." 

It didn't really hit Darcy until later, when Pepper was handing her the company credit card and apologizing for the last minute notice, that she could possibly be in way over her head. She had planned on picking up a few of the variety bags of candy from the convenience store down the block. But Pepper had just given her the rest of the day off in preparation.

"Just how many children could possibly show up at Stark Tower?" Darcy wondered aloud.

She only jumped a little when a British voice answered, "Before the Iron Man, the average was 120, however afterward, the following year's trick-or-treating spiked to approximately 300, with a 40 margin for error given repeats."

"300?" Darcy screeched.

"Approximately," Jarvis reminded her. "This year will most likely increase due to the creation of the Avengers team and their resulting media exposure." 

Darcy had a sudden hatred for the last minute conference Pepper had to attend. No wonder the CEO had seemed so apologetic about passing the reins over. 

"And what, approximately," she ground out, "are the estimates for this year?"

At Jarvis's answer, Darcy was suddenly feeling much more on Bruce's level with her attitude towards Halloween.

"Let's just get this over with," she muttered, swinging her bag over her shoulder and placing the very shiny and very platinum Stark credit card into her wallet.

Maybe she would pick up some lunch from her favorite restaurant when this was all over.

It took Darcy around four hours to buy enough candy. Apparently everyone else in New York had had the foresight to stock up early, and there was a seeming shortage of the snack size pieces intended for Halloween. In the end, Darcy had ended up going around and buying all of the full size chocolate bars she could find.

Then she'd hailed a taxi and returned to Stark Towers, making a stop midway to pick up some wanton soup and fried rice since it was practically dinner time.

By the time she'd gotten back, she had barely been able to scarf down her food and set up her candy station in the Stark lobby before New York's designated 6:00pm trick-or-treating time had arrived.

For the first ten minutes, there was a constant stream of children and their parents, and while Darcy was certainly busy, it wasn't too bad. It was actually kind of neat to see how many of the trick-or-treaters had dressed up as an Avenger. 

There was a ridiculously high number of Irin Mans, but all the Avengers had a few mini me's. There was one particularly adorable girl who had dressed up as Thor, and Darcy had taken a picture to send to Jane. The little girl had the cape and miu miu and everything. Precious.

Of course, the sanity could only last so long. All night there had been laughs and shouts echoing around the lobby from excited kids. As Darcy was reaching back to retrieve more candy supplies, though, she heard a loud cackle that was definitely not from someone under ten. At first she brushed it off as an adult, because, hey, everyone can get into the spooky spirit, and she continued to rip into the candy bar boxes and dump them into the bowls in front of her.

But then the cackle happened again and she realized it was not entirely human-sounding. It was almost... electric in nature. 

She didn't even have time to shout for security before something whirled through the air and hit the wall behind her. Darcy froze, momentarily stunned. She could still feel the wind that had whipped her cheek from whatever projectile had been aimed at her.

Then her brain caught up with everything and she stood up, knocking over a bowl of candy in the process. She looked behind her and saw smoke erupting from a bowling ball-sized hole that had formed in the wall.

"Everybody out!" she yelled, as another object went sailing through the air across the lobby. It was round and orange and looked eerily similar to a pumpkin.

Children screamed. Parents grabbed onto the nearest bodies and made for the main doors. 

Darcy took a moment to lament that they had just gotten the ceiling repaired from the last crazy that had happened. Then she ducked behind a table and pulled out her cellphone, dialing the number for the control room. When Darcy heard a click, she rushed out, "Please tell me that there is an Avenger on call tonight."

"Darcy... Lewis?" the voice asked, obviously looking at the caller ID. "How can I assist you?"

Darcy tried to control the urge to yell and slid further down on the floor. "You can assist me," she shout-whispered, cupping her hand by her mouth near the receiver, "by getting someone, preferably someone with superpowers, down to the lobby stat because something is about to go..."

She trailed off as she saw a shadow appear on the nearest wall. The cackle this time was loud and close, causing a rush of goosebumps to trail down her arms.

"Miss Lewis?" 

Rising from her hiding place, phone still by her ear, Darcy whispered, "Send someone. Anyone!" Then she ended the call and turned, coming face-to-face with a figure that would have terrified her as a child.

Actually, right then she was still pretty freaked out by the looming figure that was outfitted in dark green armor and had a flaming pumpkin where his head should be.

She didn't have much time to dwell on the nightmare that was an anthropomorphic supervillain, though, before another hurtling pumpkin almost decapitated her. 

"What do you have against Halloween?!" she shouted. Darcy didn't really know what she'd hoped to accomplish by asking that, but she certainly hadn't expected to get a response.

However, a moment later that's exactly what she got in the form of an electronic voice that echoed throughout the lobby. Thankfully, the pumpkin head's mouth hadn't moved with the words because that would have been way too much for Darcy to take.

"What do I have against Halloween?" the man repeated, his voice sharp and cutting, completely lacking in any humanlike qualities.

Eyes wide, Darcy mutely nodded her head wondering if that would be the last thing she'd do.

There was a pause and then the pumpkin man, whom Darcy had mentally dubbed Jack O'Lantern, tilted its head and took a few steps in her direction. In contrast to before, everything had gone completely silent expect for the occasional sound of whimpering children and the quiet hushes of their parents. "You mean, what do I have against children dressing up as these false heroes, acting like they are people to be emulated... to be admired?"

There was a distinct sniffling sound that drew Darcy's attention away momentarily, and her eyes darted to a small body huddled behind one of the lobby's many decorative plants. The body belonged to a boy no older than four, dressed in a Captain America costume, his mask cracked on one side and his shield long since lost in the shuffle. 

"So you have something against the Avengers then?" she asked, hoping that she could stall long enough for help to arrive. Although if someone was coming to help, they should have been there quite a long time ago. Darcy hadn't seen any of the Avengers around since that morning before she'd left to go shopping. Her stomach clenched when thinking of the very real possibility that none were in the tower.

At her question, a series of small pumpkins shot out of the elaborate armor and into a pillar, plaster crumbling in its wake. "Let's just say that I wasn't the biggest fan of Agent Coulson and his choice of employees."

Darcy jerked her attention back to the center of the room and eyed the pumpkin man in astonishment. "You knew Coulson?"

She got a bone-chilling laugh in return that made her legs shake. "The man who hired me then fired me?" Jack O'Lantern stepped closer and the little Captain America must have come into his sight, because his body suddenly turned to the left. "I could never compare to his precious Steve Rogers," he sneered, then to Darcy's horror, he aimed and fired a ball of orange fire in the direction of the boy. 

Before it could make contact, however; a loud roar sounded and a large green body fell through the ceiling.

The familiarity of the scene had Darcy sinking to the ground, her legs finally giving out. "Oh, thank goodness."

The flaming pumpkin was knocked from the air like a fly and then the Hulk tilted his head to Darcy, giving her a once over. "Darcy okay?"

She nodded and gave a weak thumbs up. "I'm okay."

With that reassurance, the Hulk turned his attention back to the man that had caused all of this destruction, dwarfing him by a good dozen feet or more. "Hulk smash?" he asked her.

"Yeah," Darcy replied, grabbing a nearby candy bar off the floor and ripping into the package. This was going to be a good show. "Hulk smash."

After the Hulk arrived, the fight had pretty much been over. One or two punches from the green guy and Jack O'Lantern was pummelled into the floor. 

A number of SHIELD agents had arrived minutes later just in time to take the unconscious former employee to a holding cell. Darcy had stuck around long enough to escort the civilians from the lobby, then she'd gone up to her apartment and taken a hot shower. 

She was now coming downstairs to see if they needed help cleaning up. But when the elevator door dinged open, she quickly recognized Pepper and Dr. Banner talking by the entrance of the lobby. Panicking, Darcy had looked around for somewhere to hide before backing up into the elevator and peering around the corner.

"So who was the poor soul that was scared to death by the other guy?" Banner was asking, resignation in his voice as he removed his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose.

Pepper opened her mouth to respond when she spotted Darcy and paused. Knowing what the other woman was about to say, Darcy shook her head vehemently. Bruce didn't need to know she had been involved. The redhead mouthed 'Are you sure?' And when Darcy nodded, Pepper answered Bruce with a, "Uh, it was just an intern. I didn't catch their name."

"I really should apologize," Banner said.

Pepper put a comforting hand on the scientist's shoulder. "Bruce, you did nothing wrong. You were the hero, not the villain."

Bruce shifted a little so his back was turned to Darcy and she couldn't make out what he was saying. She figured then was as good a time as any to stop hiding and walked over.

Looking surprised to see her, and boy was she a good actress, Pepper said, "Why Ms. Lewis, what are you doing down here?"

Bruce glanced at Darcy quickly, eyes widening, and then ducked his head. "Please tell me that you didn't have to deal with him, too."

"Uh... nope. No, definitely not!" she replied a little too loudly to be believable, but thankfully Bruce was too deep in his wallowing to notice. Lowering her voice, she added, "But from what I hear, he saved a lot of people."

Darcy received a scoff in response to her statement and if she could see his face, Darcy had no doubt that Bruce was rolling his eyes in disbelief.

With an eye roll of her own, Darcy turned to Pepper. "Hey, so what happened to the conference?"

Pepper waved a hand. "When a pumpkin tries to break into Stark Towers and almost succeeds, we need all hands on deck for the media storm."

Darcy's phone chose that moment to interrupt with a loud ping. She pulled it out of her pocket to see a text from Jane telling her to check Tony's Twitter page. After a few taps and scrolls, she snorted, then pushed her phone into Bruce's line of sight. He could do with a good chuckle. 

Bruce took the offered phone and stared at it for a moment. When he raised his head to look at her, his previous frown had been replaced by a small grin. "Of course he went there."

"What-" Pepper started to ask, before her own phone pinged and she whipped it out. Jaw dropping, she groaned. "I can't believe him!" With pinched lips and fingers already flying away on damage control, Pepper marched off for the elevators.

"Personally, I don't think puns are ever too soon," Darcy said.

"I'm withholding comment on that. Although, when a guy chooses a squash for his supervillain costume, he deserves all of the pie jokes." 

Darcy nodded her agreement, glad that at least for a moment, Bruce's mind was off his alter ego. 

"Hey, what do you get if you divide the circumference of a Jack-o-lantern by his diameter?" she asked, reading the joke from one of Tony's most recent tweets.

Bruce's eyebrows furrowed adorably as he tried to guess. "Uh... Pumpkin pi?"

"We have a winner!" Darcy picked a Snickers bar off the floor that was leftover from trick-or-treating and tossed it to Bruce. He didn't think twice before unwrapping the candy and taking a bite.

"Hey, what happened to the cat ears?" Bruce asked, noticing that Darcy had changed out of her Halloween costume.

Darcy grimaced. "I don't want to think about anything having to do with Halloween for at least a year." She was going to have nightmares for weeks about glowing pumpkin heads.

Nodding sympathetically, Bruce took another bite of chocolate and jerked a thumb at the elevators. "Want to go watch Pepper's attempts at shutting down Tony's Twitter spree?" he offered.

Darcy considered the question and shrugged. "Tony being berated by Pepper? Sounds like fun to me."