Chapter Text
"You mean a lot to me John."
"Kelly, it's dangerous t-"
"Shut up, John. Just don't die on me. Please?"
"Okay, Kelly."
— — —
After returning from her trip to Reach, a deployment that had lasted a lot longer than intended, Kelly was given more time alone than she should have been trusted with. It was determined that she needed some time to recover. Time to recover was the one thing that she shouldn't have been given, because as she thought more and more about those that had been lost - against her therapist's suggestion - she began to blame herself more and more. Objectively, she knew that there was very little that she could have done, but that didn't make things any easier for her. The pain of having lost the ones she shouldn't have cared about still pulled at her heart, leaving her one more push away from snapping.
More often than not, she saw John in her dreams. He wasn't haunting her. A part of her still believed that he was alive. Rather, they just spent time together. At first, they were training, and then they were having what passed for deep, emotional conversations between two spartans. Then, they did 'normal' couple things, like going to the movies. ...wait, when did she start seeing the two of them as a couple? It plagued her, this want for something other than what she was supposed to want. Was she defective? John couldn't be anything more than a teammate to her, because that's how it was supposed to be. Besides, he was d-... he was missing, so there was no point in even thinking about it. She was wasting her own time, and the time of her superiors by not sorting herself out.
The dreams didn't stop, though, and they weren't dreams for much longer. Once she started imagining John naked, things took a dark turn. He didn't make love to her, as she believed was 'normal' for people to do, he... he fucked her. He choked her, and made her feel worthless. He told her just how little he cared for her, and in the same breath choked her with his thick, throbbing cock. She... she couldn't even recall where she'd learned those words; certainly not to describe something like... like that. It wasn't long before those dreams took over her psyche, and she made sure not to tell anybody about them - even the UNSC's best therapist couldn't figure out what was going on inside her head. She was in denial.
— — —
"Do you think they made a mistake, picking us?" Kelly asked, as she laid on the grass, beside John.
"I think they did what they had to do," he admitted, in an unusually solemn tone.
"Do you like what they turned you into?"
"I accept it. You should, too."
— — —
Her fist hammered against the thin wall before her, her mouth wrapped around a cock, poking through a hole in the wall. She couldn't breathe, but she didn't deserve to breathe. She should stay down there until the man she was serving was satisfied, and if she passed out from a lack of oxygen, then... well, she just wasn't strong enough. And she wasn't strong enough, but she didn't pass out, instead she pulled back, gasping for air as the cock, perfectly trained in dramatic timing, covered her face in a thick load of cum. A credit chip slipped through the whole, which she only noticed once she was done coughing. The cock had gone, and she had been paid for her services. She had never been paid before.
The next cock that slipped through the hole, she felt an obligation to put elsewhere. Her mouth had already been used, and she deserved to have to use all of her holes. Pressing herself back, she took the cock inside her, and gave herself a thorough punishment with it, each slam of her ass against the wall shaking it on its hinges. She didn't stop until she had been filled with a second load of cum, and although she hadn't gained any sexual pleasure from the experience, she gained something in the knowledge that she was giving herself what she deserved.
She was giving herself what, no doubt, John would give her, if he were around. He had never actually said so in person, but the John in her dreams had been so convincing; whether he was close to the actual thing didn't matter - what mattered to her was that he told her everything that she wanted to hear. She was terrible. Everything was her fault. And no matter how much cum she took on her face, down her throat, in her hair, inside her body... she would never be able to make up for all of the mistakes that she had made.
Whether she was wired up wrong wasn't clear. But in an odd sense, she was happy - knowing that she deserved nothing better than what she was getting fulfiled her, and if she ever actually returned to active duty, well, Spartan 087 wouldn't be the same soldier that she once was.
— — —
"You mean a lot to me, Kelly."
"John-"
"I expect to see you here when I get back."
"Okay, John."