Chapter Text
It was their third day on the road, long enough time for them to have fallen into a comfortable pattern. They continued driving in shifts, even when they didn't plan to drive the entire day. Though Levi preferred to drive most of the time, something Eren didn't complain about because he knew that Levi got restless too quickly when he had nothing to do. Eren did too, but he had more productive ways of getting rid of it, namely doodling, finding new songs to listen to and annoying Levi. He was actually enjoying himself quite a lot. The farther they moved from Trost and the threat hanging over Eren's head, the happier he became. Even though this wasn't a normal road trip and they only stopped for sleep, food, filling up gas, and restrooms, Eren found that he liked it nonetheless.
The only downside was how tiring it was to travel for hours straight. However, sleeping in proper hotel beds last night, instead of car seats, had infused some of their energy back into them, which was visible by the lack of dark circles under Eren's eyes. The same couldn't be said about Levi, who looked sleep deprived either way.
It was too early in the morning and Eren's stomach was growling. They had checked out of their hotel early, with Levi banging down his hotel room door at 7 in the morning. They hadn't had time for breakfast, and the fact that they weren't sure when they would stop for breakfast somehow made Eren even hungrier.
With Levi driving, Eren took the chance to turn around in his seat and search the back for any leftover snacks. He found a Mars bar and two cans of Red bull. Taking the chocolate and one of the cans, he settled to have his breakfast.
He offered the chocolate to Levi, who unsurprisingly refused. He unwrapped the chocolate and was just about to open his can of warm Red Bull, when Levi made an observation.
‘I know why you pee this much,’ he said, his eyes still on the road.
'Why?’ Eren asked, his mouth full of Mars.
'Energy drinks.’
'Red Bull? No. I don't drink it that much.’
'Oh please. You drink that all the time when you have to drive and that's when you start peeing,’ Levi said, his tone confident.
'Why are you so interested in my peeing habits?’ Eren struck back.
‘You are like a dog marking your territory all over the country. It's hard not to notice.’
‘What do you want me to do then?’ Eren objected. ‘I can either drink it or sleep. Your choice: excessive peeing or car accident.’
Levi rolled his eyes. ‘Drink coffee, you overgrown baby.’
Eren scoffed. ‘Coffee doesn't do anything compared to energy drinks. How can you even suggest that?’
‘That’s just bullshit marketing they sell you.’
Eren scrunched up his face. 'What? No. Haven't you ever had an energy drink?’
Levi shrugged.
Eren turned his entire body towards him, his eyes wide. 'No. No way.’
'What?’ Levi asked, annoyance clear in his voice.
‘Levi, you are a nightclub owner.’
'I know that.’
'You are a nightclub owner. You sell alcohol. You smoke. I am pretty sure you have done drugs before. But you have never had an energy drink?’ Eren asked, disbelief making his voice go up.
‘Is that a rite of passage I didn't know I had to take?’ Levi said dryly.
‘Yes. How did you get through college?’ Eren paused. ‘Wait, did you go to college?’
Levi shook his head. 'Took some online classes to get the basics of business.’
'No wonder you haven't tried it. Okay, you have to try it now.’ He grabbed an unopened can of Red Bull from the backseat and popped it open. The smell of chewing gum filled the car.
Levi scrunched his nose. ‘It even smells disgusting. Why would I like it?’
'Tch. Try it,’ Eren insisted, pushing the can towards him.
He watched as Levi took it in one hand and brought it close to his nose. Sniffing it more, he peered into the can suspiciously.
Eren rolled his eyes. 'It's not poison and it's not gonna bite. Now drink it already.’
Sighing, Levi took a sip. His face changed a little- his eyebrows lifted up by the fraction of an inch and his lips parted. These were obvious enough signs but what finally gave Levi away and sealed the deal was the fact that he didn't reply immediately.
Eren grinned. 'You like it.’
Levi narrowed his eyes. He handed the can back to Eren, contorting his face in disgust. 'It’s canned bile.’
Eren just smiled harder. 'Liar.’
‘It’s disgusting, no matter how much you want to believe otherwise.’
‘I don't believe you for a second.’ Eren had become better at reading Levi, a skill that he was sure he would find use of, again and again.
‘Talking to you is like talking to a brick wall,’ Levi grumbled.
'No, I am just one of two people who doesn't take your shit.’
'I am assuming you are talking about Shitty Glasses,’ Levi murmured.
Eren nodded. ‘They don't get riled up around you which is nothing short of amazing.’
‘You, on the other hand, do,’ Levi completed his thought. 'But don't let it get to you.’
Eren nodded again. ‘You are all bark and no bite, and no one around you knows that except Hange and maybe Eld.’
Levi objected, 'Just because I haven't bitten you yet, doesn't mean I can't bite.’
And with that, came the onslaught of implications the statement carried. An image popped up in Eren's head- Levi's mouth on his skin, making his way across his body, a slew of marks left behind.
He blushed and turned his face towards the window before Levi could see it.
But Eren couldn't be the only one thinking about this. A statement, filled with so obvious an innuendo, couldn't be an innocent mistake, especially not when it was coming from Levi.
Either way, Eren wasn't one to back down from a challenge. He turned towards Levi, cocked his eyebrow, tilting his head just a little. 'Go on,’ he said. 'Bite me.’
Levi looked at him for a moment, a long moment where they stared each other down, before turning his eyes back on the road. The moment broke, Eren turned back towards the window and smirked. ‘Like I said, all bark.’
****
Eren yawned and turned around, opening his eyes. It was dark outside. He glanced at Levi, who was still driving, before turning his head to look at the dashboard clock. 17:56.
His nap had gone on for almost four hours, longer than he had expected. He frowned. They were supposed to change shifts at 16:00. 'Hey, Levi, why didn't you-’ He stopped, looking at Levi properly for the first time.
The man was practically bouncing on his seat. He was tapping his leg, bobbing his head to the music and tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. 'What?’ he asked, glancing at Eren.
He didn't stop bobbing his head. Eren narrowed his eyes. 'Why are you acting so weird?’
'What are you talking about?’
'All of this,’ Eren said, gesturing to Levi, ‘your bouncing. What happened? I have never seen you this active.’
'This is what happens when you play good music, brat,’ he said, vibrating like a phone at the edge of a table.
It was then that Eren noticed the smell of chewing gum in the air. He hadn't had a drink since before lunch. He looked around.
'What are you looking for?’ Levi asked.
He shook his head, still searching. He leaned across the gearshift, towards Levi when he spotted it. Four opened, presumably empty cans of Red Bull neatly kept in the door cavity on the driver's side.
He looked up at Levi while still leaning over the gearshift. 'Did you- did you drink it all?’
Levi avoided his eyes, which must have been hard to do with Eren so close to him. ‘No,’ he stupidly denied.
Eren went back to his seat, staring at Levi the entire time. It was like watching a five year old say they didn't eat the cookie while their entire face was covered with crumbs.
A giggle escaped him before turning into a full fledged laugh. He couldn't help it. He laughed so hard that his stomach ached, and laughed more when he realised that Levi was smiling, no doubt wanting to be in on the joke. 'You are a terrible liar, Levi.’
'No, I am not,’ he said, but at the same time, turned on the turn signal.
Eren looked at him in question.
'I need to pee,’ Levi admitted, pulling off the interstate.
Eren laughed again, adding more Red Bull to their shopping list. Road trips weren't so bad after all.
***
They stopped around eight that evening and checked into a roadside motel. Levi would have preferred a proper hotel, having spent the last night in a much nicer one, but this was the only available thing in the area they were in. At least there were two rooms available. Eren had protested, insisting that it was wasteful to spend money on two rooms when they could just get a room with two twin beds instead. But Levi had money to spend and comfort to be had.
He knew Eren probably thought him to be snobbish but in reality, Levi had survived and lived in much worse, had some of his best years in much worse. The motel was clean, which was about the only thing Levi cared about. He preferred nicer hotels because of the security and convenience, but he sure as fuck wasn't going to complain if that was not the case.
They got their room keys and tugged their luggage to their rooms, which were situated adjacent to each other, facing a shallow swimming pool.
The swimming pool was in an open courtyard, surrounded by pool chairs and beach umbrellas. It was deserted, the sun having set earlier and it being the middle of December. The motel didn't have much else besides the swimming pool and an old vending machine by the register.
'Do you wanna get dinner or are you full?’ Levi asked him, as they stood at their respective doors. They had already stopped for some food at around 6 and Levi didn't think Eren would want to get anything else but it didn't hurt to ask.
Eren shook his head. 'Nope. I am still full. If I get hungry, I will probably raid the vending machine. But I can come along with you, if you want.’
'No, I was asking for you. Okay, brat. Go get some sleep. It's been a long couple of days.’ Levi opened his door and stepped inside, not waiting for his reply.
But he heard it anyway. 'Goodnight, Levi.’
Levi nodded and closed his door. He switched on the lights, looked at his empty motel room and sighed.
Levi sat on one of the pool chairs, next to the swimming pool, with a bottle of beer. It was 2 in the morning and there was no one in sight. Most of the rooms were dark and even the lights around the swimming pool were switched off. The only sources of light were the dimly lit corridor to the far right of the pool, and the full moon.
It was eerily silent. Levi had lived in cities his entire life. He was used to the noise. It was an indication of life, a measure of a city's living, breathing heart- its pulse rate. He didn't think he could ever get used to the absence of it.
The only thing he liked about this place was the fact that he could look up and actually see stars. Not many but still more than what he would get to see in Trost. It was really quite beautiful. If this is what people missed when they moved away from places like these, he could understand why they complained about cities so much.
A door behind him opened, startling him out of his reverie. He looked behind and spotted Eren coming out of his room. The boy stopped in his tracks when he noticed him. 'Levi? What are you doing up?’
'I could ask you that. It's 2 in the morning.’
Eren sighed, coming near him. 'I couldn't sleep so I thought I would take a look around.’
Levi took a sip of his beer. Holding out his room keys, he said, ‘There’s more in my mini-fridge, if you want some.’
Eren stared at Levi's outstretched hand, hesitating.
'It's not poison, it's not going to bite,’ Levi mocked him, repeating what Eren had said earlier.
Eren rolled his eyes but took the keys. Levi settled back on his pool chair while he went to grab more beers. He came back with a bottle in each hand and the keys in his mouth.
'Disgusting brat,’ Levi commented, 'you don't know where those have been. Why can't you hold the bottles in one hand?’
Keeping the bottles down, Eren took the keys out of his mouth and said, ‘I don't want to take any chances.’
He eyed the chair besides Levi's and then glanced at the pool. ‘I want to dip my legs in,’ he said, almost pouting.
Levi shrugged. 'You don't need my permission.’
'I meant, come sit with me, asshole.’
'On the ground? No thanks.’
'Fine,’ Eren huffed. Taking his beer, he went to sit next to the pool, dipping his legs in before immediately pulling them out. 'Fuck, fuck. It's cold.’
Levi snorted. 'It's December. What did you expect?’
Trost had been warm enough to go outside in a hoodie and some shorts but as they moved towards Stohess, it was getting steadily colder.
Eren didn't answer, instead easing his legs back into the pool. Levi could see the effort it took for Eren to not pull back. 'Suicidal idiot. You will catch a cold.’
Eren shook his head. 'I don't get sick. We used to go skinny dipping in a lake near Shiganshina during winters. Somehow, I would be the only one who didn't get a cold.’
Levi stared at his thin cotton bare t-shirt and the rolled up sweatpants that he had borrowed from Levi. It was true. The brat was a heat generator. The few times Levi had touched him, Eren had always been warm, so warm. With his tanned skin, dark brown hair and ocean green eyes, everything about Eren screamed summer and sunshine and warmth. He was like Apollo incarnated, burning always. And Levi could not get used to it.
Levi didn't know what made him get up but he did. Grabbing his beer, he walked over to Eren and sat next to him, cross-legged. He stared at the reflection of the full moon on the water, aware of Eren's eyes on him.
'Why couldn't you sleep?’ Levi asked.
Eren shook his head. Looking down at the ripples forming around his dangling feet, he said instead, 'You know, I have travelled with you for a few days, lived with you for far more and I have never seen you sleep for more than four hours?’
‘I guess we both have a problem,’ Levi replied dryly.
'I know what my problem is, do you know what's yours?’ Eren asked, raising his eyebrow.
'What do you get nightmares of?’ Levi asked instead.
Eren shook his head. 'No, we are not doing this. It isn't fair.’
Levi sighed. The brat wasn't going to budge. 'Okay, fine. A question for a question.’
Eren nodded. 'Good.’
Taking another sip of beer, Levi motioned with his hand. 'Ask away.’
'Why don't you sleep?’ Eren asked.
Levi shrugged. 'I don't know. I just can't.’
'Have you tried going to a doctor?’
‘It’s my turn. What do you get nightmares of?’
‘Your question is too hard,’ Eren protested, ‘Answer mine first.’
'You should have thought of it before. Now, answer.’
Eren shook his head. They stared each other down, not willing to give up. It gave Levi a chance to look at him.
Eren's face looked angry and beautiful, illuminated by the corridor's dim yellow light. Levi hadn't said anything about his haircut to him but in truth, he liked it. Much more than when it was longer. His black hair was a change that Levi wasn't partial to but found enticing nonetheless. Actually, anything would suit Eren's face. It was too easy on the eyes, something Levi could probably stare at forever, which is why he had to shut this down before it was too late.
‘Okay,’ Levi conceded, 'yes, I have. I went to a doctor and got a prescription for sleeping pills. They worked for a while but then they stopped. So I stopped taking them. The problem isn't that bad. I don't wander around in the night in my nightgown with a candle in my hand. I sleep. Eventually. It just takes more time than normal.’
'And you get up earlier than normal too,’ Eren observed.
Levi nodded. 'Yes. I always get up early, no matter when I sleep. So some days, I luck out and get a good eight hours. While, other days, I just sleep for four.’
‘What do you do?’ Eren asked.
'Huh?’
'What do you do all those extra hours?’ he clarified.
Levi couldn't help but snort. Of all the questions, he hadn't expected this one. 'I read, work if there's any to be done. I do what one might do when they are awake. Why do you ask?’
'I just- okay, this is stupid- but I just always wondered what I might do if I have all those extra hours in the day.’
'Trust me, brat, not having all those hours is better.’
Eren ducked his head. 'Yeah, you are right.’
Levi looked at his embarrassed face, peering down at the water, and shoved him lightly with his shoulder. 'Okay, my turn. What do you get nightmares of?’
Eren exhaled loudly and took a sip of his beer. 'I, uh, I get nightmares about my dad's car accident and that night.’
'Were you involved in it too?’
Eren shook his head. 'I never even saw it. There's a scene in my brain about my dad's car crashing against the side of a bus. And it's completely made up by my brain. It happened in real life, don't get me wrong, but I never saw it.’ He sighed before continuing, ‘I am so pathetic that I have nightmares about a memory that's not even real.’
‘It’s a natural reaction. It's your dad. Of course, it affects you.’
'No, no. It's not just that,’ Eren said, biting his lip. He looked like he wanted to say something but was trying hard not to say it. Levi could see him make an internal decision. He pushed against that invisible force stopping him and continued, his voice hard and desperate, 'He called me that night. He called me from a payphone in Rose while I was in Shiganshina and told me to pack my stuff because he was coming to get me in the morning and that we had to run. I knew he was acting weird. And what did I do? Nothing. His phone was going to voicemail and he wasn't at home or work and he was acting weird, and what did I, the only family he had, do? Nothing. I sat on my fucking ass and watched fucking Law and Order until his fucking co-worker called me and told me that he died.’ Tears started to spill down his cheeks but he didn't seem to notice them. Levi had seen Eren on the verge of tears before but never like this, never at a point where he didn't care to stop them. He stared straight ahead at the other end of the pool, refusing to look at Levi.
Levi recognized that expression, had seen it on his own face many times: shame, guilt, regret. He put a hand on Eren's cheek, pulling his face towards him, making him meet his eyes. But Eren kept his eyes downwards, looking at the space between them instead.
'Eren,’ he whispered, making his voice as soft as he could. 'Look at me. Come on.’
Eren looked up and met his eyes. His beautiful green eyes were hurt and ashamed and angry- so, so angry- and Levi felt his heart twist. ‘It’s not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. Nothing at all. Okay? If you had known that he was going to die, we both know you would have torn heaven and hell apart to save him. It's not your fault.’
Eren shook his head, sniffling. 'I should have known. I knew something was wrong and I did nothing.’
'You were in Shiganshina. He was in Rose. You couldn't have done anything,’ Levi urged.
'I could have, I could have-’ Eren stopped.
'What? What could you have done?’ Levi challenged.
'Called the police,’ Eren finished. ‘I could have called the cops when he first started acting weirdly.’
'I am assuming there's a reason you haven't called the police all this while on the run,’ Levi pointed out.
Mulling over Levi's statement, Eren reluctantly nodded. 'Yeah, I did go to the police the day this all started. They were in on it. Part of Reeve's gang. I barely escaped from there.’
Levi nodded. 'Exactly. Calling the police wouldn't have solved anything. Whether the car accident was planned or whether it was really an accident, it was not your fault. That's not something you could have controlled.’
'But I should have still called,’ he insisted.
'And told them what? That your dad was acting weirdly? What would they have done?’ Levi sighed, slapping his cheek lightly, a small reprimand. ‘It's not your fault, Eren. Whether you did everything you could have or you didn't, it was something that you had no hand in. You didn't cause his death. Stop blaming yourself for that.’
Eren nodded, turning his head back towards the pool. Levi knew Eren didn't believe it fully. He would have been surprised if he had. But that didn't matter. What mattered was that it was a start. He would believe it one day.
Eren cleared his throat, wiping his tears with his hand before taking another sip of his beer. ‘My turn. Tell me more about your friend,’ he said, his voice hoarse.
Levi blinked. 'My friend?’
Eren nodded. Clearing his throat, he added in a voice which was closer to normal, 'The one who likes coleslaw.’
Levi's first instinct was to deflect, change the topic, even get up and walk away. But he knew that Eren needed this- needed a distraction- and he had already opened the Pandora's box in that diner by bringing her up so he might as well commit to it.
'Her name,’ he began, a little unsure of how to proceed, 'was Isabel. She was two years younger than me. An annoying pest who refused to go away and kept following me, calling me 'Big bro’. She… was hyper to say the least. Not a big fan of rules. She got bored very easily and always found ways to screw things up, just to get a break from the normal. But not in a way which hurt anyone. She had a strong sense of right and wrong. She couldn't watch injustice, which was unfortunate since we lived in Mitras. She would try to help every injured animal, child, insect, you name it. It would always end up being a problem for me and our other friend, Furlan. She had a very big heart. Furlan and I couldn't even fight in front of her because she would get upset and start screaming at us.’
He hadn't said those names aloud in a long time. He knew Hange was aware of their existence, had heard of them from Eld and some older employees, but they had never mentioned them to him. He had stopped talking about them when getting their names out without choking on empty air had proved to be too difficult. But years had, apparently, made it more bearable.
A small smile graced Eren's face. ‘I think I would have liked her.’
Levi was grateful that he didn't ask why she was being referred to in the past tense. He nodded. 'Yes, you would have. You guys would have had a lot in common. Pain in my asses, both of you.’
Eren snorted. ‘I think we would both agree that it is you who is the pain in the ass.’
Levi shoved him again.
Eren grinned. 'Okay, your turn.’
Levi wondered whether he should ask his question or not. He didn't want to push the brat too hard but he had wanted to enquire about this for so long. He wanted to make sense of all that was going on.
‘You said you went to the police the day this all started. How did it start?’ he asked, taking the risk.
'Oh,’ Eren said, straightening. He paused before beginning, ‘It started the day after the- the car accident. That night, after I got the call, I couldn't handle it. I just couldn't bear being in my house. I knew I should book a flight or a bus to Rose, get there as soon as possible. But I just couldn't. Instead, I went to my ex, Annie's house. We had broken up last year but we were still good friends. The thing about Annie is that she doesn't ask questions when you don't want her to. So I showed up at her doorstep, devastated, and she didn't say anything. Just let me in and handed me a bottle of vodka. I stayed there the entire night, going home only in the morning.’
He took a gulp of his beer before continuing, ‘In the morning, I was walking home. I was hungover and still in shock, I think. It was then, when I passed by an ATM. My dad's words came back to me. To run, to take out all the money, to pack the essentials. Suddenly, it hit me that maybe it wasn't a car accident at all. I don't know why it took that long. Paranoia hit me and I withdrew as much money as I could from my account, which wasn't much. They had a limit of one grand. I walked the last couple blocks home. I was paranoid but I was still dubious? Like I still didn't fully believe it. I didn't know what to think.
‘I reached my apartment building. My apartment is on the third floor, well, was on the third floor. The landlord must have thrown out all my stuff by now. Not that it matters. Anyways, you can see the window clearly from the road. One of the things that made me think twice about taking it. So, my eyes went to my window and I saw men in there. In my apartment. Men dressed in black, like that scene from Pulp Fiction where they go to that boxer's apartment. I couldn't see what they were doing but they were moving around. And I checked again. I counted the floors and counted the windows sideways, to make sure it was my apartment. And it was. I could see the plant on the window sill with its pot still wrapped in bubble wrap. It was mine, without a doubt. So I acted on my instincts.
‘And I ran. I ran and I only stopped after covering four blocks. I searched my pockets for my phone and I couldn't find it. I think I never carried it to Annie's apartment. All I could think at that moment was that I couldn't call 911 and my dad was dead and there were people in my apartment. I did the next best thing and ran straight to the nearest police station. It was next to a Target and, God, I had never been happier to see a police station ever. I went straight inside and the lady at the desk assigned me to a police officer. He calmed me down and took me to his table. He gave me a glass of water and asked me what happened. He was so nice. I told him and I told him my name, which now I know I shouldn't have. He told me that he would get right into it and to wait there while he made calls and arranged backup. And he went out of the room, in the corridor. I could see him with his back turned to me, his phone to his ear. I was too anxious to wait at the table. I wanted to know what was happening. So I followed him outside and I overheard him saying, ‘Yeah, he's here. Jaeger's son. Yeah, I am sure it's him. I don't know if he has it. I will keep him here but you need to send someone fast.’ And I think he said something else too but I didn't wait to hear. I ran again, past all the other police officers and civilians. I don't know if the other officers were in on it too and simply didn't know it was me, or if they were completely clueless. Either way, I ran. Now that I am sure it's Reeve’s men, I wouldn't be surprised if most of them were in on it. So yeah, I have been running ever since.’ Eren looked at Levi.
His eyes weren't sad anymore but rather, anxious as he searched Levi's face. Levi knew he was anticipating his reaction. This was probably the first time Eren had told this to anyone and that mattered. Levi wished it was Hange or Petra here and not him, because even though he wanted to be what Eren wanted, he wasn't sure he could. Nonetheless, Levi was here, not Hange or Petra, and so he did the only thing he could do: try his best.
‘I am going to tell this to you once, and then never again. So listen carefully.’ He paused. 'You have done a good job of keeping yourself alive for this long, a better job than someone else in your place would have done.’
Eren smiled- a small smile but it was real- and Levi felt warm, even though it was probably 50 degrees out here. 'The great Levi complimenting me? Am I being punk’d? Is Ashton Kutcher here?’
‘You little shit.' Levi smiled back, which turned Eren's small smile into a grin. They sat there, two grinning fools under the moonlight.
And then Eren did something Levi could have never imagined happening in a million years and yet, when it happened, it didn't feel like a surprise, but something that had been a long time coming, something that had been inevitable from the moment they had met.
Eren reached between them, grabbed Levi's sweatshirt and kissed him.