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Rodinia's Birthday Celebration

Chapter 17: Sastiel: Fake Married Everybody Knows/Mistaken for Couple

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Anna answered the door and let Castiel inside. “What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong is that Dad summoned me. He told me that if I’m not married within the year, he’s cutting me off.” Castiel altered his voice to mimic Michael’s. “‘I don’t care if you’re asexual, you’re human, and it’s not good for a human to be alone. You need a mate.’”

“So…?” Anna asked. She didn’t see the problem here.

“So how am I supposed to find a mate in a year? Isn’t it hard enough when you don’t have a time limit and you’re not asking them to accept a marriage without sex?” Castiel flopped into a chair and buried his face in his hands. “You don’t understand, Anna. I’ve never even dated, and now I’m supposed to find a mate?”

Anna crossed her arms, glaring at Castiel. “What do you mean? Haven’t you basically already done it? Just get a couple rings, head to Vegas, call it good. If Dad objects about there not being a proper wedding for him to perform or at least attend, tell him he never made that a requirement, just that you find yourself a mate.”

Castiel stared blankly. “What are you talking about, Anna?”

“Sam! Your roommate, your best friend, your cuddle buddy, the guy you share a bed with during thunderstorms because he gets scared or when it gets really cold and your heater’s having trouble keeping up or because you had an awful day at work and need the comfort? The guy you’ve basically said you plan to spend the rest of your life with? How is he not your mate already?”

“But… Sam’s not… he wouldn’t…” Castiel tried to find a hole to poke in Anna’s logic. Sam was his best friend, his partner, and as Anna had said, he and Sam were planning on living together the rest of their lives. Sam wasn’t asexual, but thanks to some issues created by the way he was raised, he had no interest in acting on any sexual attraction he might feel no matter what. Looking at it from an outsider’s perspective, Castiel had to ask himself what, precisely, the difference between what the two of them had and a husband who wouldn’t push Castiel for anything he wasn’t comfortable with was. He had no good answer. “Thanks, Anna. It’s certainly worth a try.”

Sam listened patiently while Castiel explained the situation. “Will you do it? Be my mate?”

“Of course. Only thing the rings will change between us is that we have some jewelry to keep up with and people won’t be trying to hook us up with their friends. Do you want to do the Vegas thing, or just go before a justice of the peace and sign the paper? If we do the Vegas thing, they’ll probably want us to kiss, and I know that’s not your favorite thing.”

“I hadn’t thought of that. You’re right. Let’s just sign the license.”

Notes:

Not *fake* married, certainly, but it's not what most people would expect a marriage to look like so close enough, right?