Chapter Text
"Drakken, y—you're Big "Big" Daddy?!"
"Yes, and I believe you're my new Number One."
Denver Museum of Nature & Science: Denver, Colorado
December 27, 2007: 9:25PM
Kim withdrew unto herself, slouching for a brief moment before remembering that she was a professional. Her hands flung up from her sides and straightened out her lapels. "You've got to be pranking me, right? This is a joke."
Drakken smirked before lazily gesturing at her. "Walk with me, talk with me." He moved on into the shadows, and with a heavy sigh she stomped after him.
"I really thought you quit," Kim spoke into the silence. "That's the only reason I broke into Middleton Prison last month; I was seeing if anyone caught word of you."
"Ah," Drakken drawled. "I'm flattered. You talked to Demenz then?"
"Yes, he didn't know anything though," Kim frowned. "He did mention you had a great story about how you turned blue I guess."
Drakken pivoted on his heel. "It is a funny story! Not funny haha, but — " he paused and eyed the ceiling for inspiration. " — you see Kimberly Ann, it was a Tuesday…"
"I'm good!" she chimed, throwing up a flat hand. "I'm just confused — I was convinced you gave up."
Drakken sniffled and put his hands to his flat hips. "I am curious as to what you imagined."
"Well — we've already been over how you sent my name in to colleges all across the country in an attempt to overwhelm me. Then there was the whole shebang at MIT which in actuality — though the fire wasn't directly his fault, it was because of Ron it got that bad."
Drakken beamed at her proudly. "Precisely."
"Same with Algeria."
"Yes."
"I thought your villainy game was weak — it made sense when you just up and vanished but no — all that was calculated. Passive but effective," she frowned. "You knew what it would do to me and Ron."
"Of course I did," Drakken climbed up onto the ledge of an exhibit for marine dwelling dinosaurs. He stepped into the pond surrounding the strung-up fossils and took three steps before all of a sudden, dropping out of sight, sinking into the water though Kim could see no splash.
Very carefully, she tailed the bad doctor and found the spot Drakken had disappeared into was a hologram. Descending down a wet set of stairs, she checked around her and saw stone walling off the water from pouring into the secret lair, though the occasional splash had indeed dumped over. She briefly played with the hologram, hand waving through the blue before Drakken shouted at her.
"Come on!"
"Got it!" she whispered and trailed after him, shoes squeaking from being waterlogged.
"Wow, this is pretty lowkey, especially for you."
"Yes, it does pain me to have such a dinky lair but such is the fate of a criminal mastermind."
"...alright, you don't need to gloat so much. I get it, you outsmarted me."
"I did!"
Drakken's Underground Lair: Denver, Colorado
December 27, 2007: 9:31PM
Even Kim's timeshare hideaway in Middleton was bigger than this. Made of stone that looked ugly in the fluorescent lighting, the only furniture was a tiny unkempt bed, a kitchen table with two chairs, a fridge, and a lab table that's projects were concealed by a pale yellow curtain.
"So...when did you strongarm Big Daddy's operation?" Kim asked lazily though really, that was the most important of her questions.
"A few weeks after MIT."
She cringed. "So I've been working for you the whole time then, huh?"
"Yes," Drakken poured himself a glass of water and looked over to her, raising an empty glass. She nodded, and he poured more from the Britta filter. "Lemon?"
"Please and thank you."
She slumped into the chair and rubbed her face with both hands.
"It's not so bad, is it? I thought you liked your missions," Drakken chuckled as he took a seat before her, rolling a lemon slice across the rickety table. She grabbed it with two fingers and smashed it against the inner wall of the glass, seeds carelessly dropping into the glass, golden rinds disintegrating into mist.
"So you started me off with Jack Hench because well — I guess it was kind of a no brainer that he shouldn't have been in office but — " Kim literally scratched her head in frustration. " — God, you did that so I could clean out the villain market for you."
Drakken tittered. "No actually. I just like Chris Giunchigliani. Let's hope she wins the Democratic Primary."
"I don't believe you," she growled. "Since when do you care about politics?"
"Since you took an interest," he grinned and swished the ice in his glass. "I kept track of what you were reading in Shego's loft. Audre Lorde, James Baldwin, it's obvious you care about these sorts of things."
"I read a lot of Sylvia Plath too," Kim said sullenly, remembering her first brush with suicide ideation while waiting for Shego to come home one day. "The Bell Jar's my favorite book."
"Mm. Well...tell me more."
"Well next — Global Justice. Don't you even dare lie to me and say killing Betty was for the greater good."
"I won't," he chuckled and set the glass down. "I knew you wouldn't kill her — but I didn't want Big Daddy and Shego to think I had gone soft so — anywho, I knew you were going to go after your precious battle suit instead. But did I expect Agent Will Du to kick the bucket? Ha!"
"Not funny, he was a good man. He had a right to be critical of both me and Ron."
"Oh really, so why'd you fight him?"
Used to jumping in with a quip, Kim's mouth opened but no sound came out. It took her awhile to say it. "I — I didn't want to go to jail...and of course, I wanted the suit back because I didn't trust him with it — or myself," she very deliberately pointed out.
Drakken licked his lips. "Mhm, the point of that mission was to at least get murder on your itinerary. As for why Betty specifically, I wanted you to see how the real good guys actually were."
"Hold on," Kim stuttered. "You wanted me to see — this is getting really personal."
"Well that's sort of the point," Drakken shrugged. "It's always been about you."
"I'm not your toy," she said coldly.
"Oh, I'm sorry, you're right. It was definitely me who forced you to join an evil, evil organization as a hitman."
"What was it? Mind control chips? Moodulators?" Kim gasped at the change in Drakken's expression. "It was the Moodulators! You planted one on me. That's why — "
"No!" Drakken shouted, voice banging off the walls, and she almost shrank. Once silence fell over them, he continued. "Take responsibility. You chose this."
A leg to Kim's chair jammed against stone and the wooden frame almost flipped from Kim's sudden rise in anger. "Bullshit. "
"Oh, the mouth on you — "
"Shut the fuck up."
Drakken was within mere inches of Kim, chest dragged over from across the table, lab-coat squeezing his neck. Almost immediately, she realized what she was doing and let go of him. "Sorry. I don't want to be a bad guy."
Her head bowed past her shoulders and while her back was to Drakken, the heaving in her chest was obvious.
Drakken frowned in an odd moment of compassion and followed her over to the bed where she took a seat. He respectfully remained standing. "You're not a bad guy."
"I feel like one," Kim moaned. "I talk like one — I even dress like one now. I thought — you had to have some ulterior motive that wasn't about me. Like in New Hampshire. You wanted that Synthodrone freak to kill me, right?"
Drakken blinked and coughed into his glove. "Erm. Well. No."
"So then what?" she watched his mouth twitch and after some time found the truth that had been right in front of her. "I was supposed to kill him. Another part in your perfect plan."
"Somewhat — yes, though I apologize if he was — handsy — at all," this was the one time Drakken's eyes weren't locked onto her. "Shego had gone off-the-rails and threw you into the forest hoping it would either kill you — or get you to grow a spine. I can only assume that was her motive at least, we never spoke about any of this."
"...you never spoke...?"
He held up a finger, signalling that they needed to put a pin on it. "I knew you were having trouble adjusting and I thought — I thought giving you a non-organic target that was still alive would be ideal. You were going to break otherwise. So I threw together a new Eric and — you know the rest."
Kim remembered the sadistic mirth that sprang to her cheeks when she killed him. She nodded and undid the top button to her dress shirt. "So what do you mean you never spoke to Shego about this?"
"Exactly that."
"...oh my God."
"Yes — she — erm — didn't know. Not about me, and not about the plan. Mind you, I gave her assignments before she left that I hoped would lead her to working for Big Daddy and that did pay off but — well — you know Shego. Hates mind control, cloning, anything that's mushy gushy. I knew she wouldn't go for my plan unless it was of her own design. Or at least — " he sighed guiltily. " — if it seemed that way."
"So you manipulated her too."
"It was what she wanted," Drakken shrugged and dragged over a chair as Kim's legs did their best imitation of a privileged white man on a New York City subway train. "Same as you really. Listen, I understand you two had — relations — "
Kim's face went scarlet.
Drakken's voice puttered out. A few seconds later he came back to and very gravely added, "I miss her too. I didn't think she'd put her life on the line for the work — and I'm proud of her for that — but I wish she held back. She — she was my best friend after all."
Kim nodded, lips pressed tightly together. She waited for Drakken to say more.
"Did she tell you to look for Big "Big" Daddy?" Drakken asked.
"Yeah. It was her final request," Kim pushed her hair back, palm pressing the bald spot on her cranium. The short hairs pressed into her skin like tiny needles. Felt good. "She died because she wanted me to see Ron at his worst...she even told me that. I said it wasn't worth it but — " she tried her best not to cry. " — she said I was wrong.
An odd smile from Drakken. "I would have done the same."
Though Kim knew it was wrong — knew that the green woman held so much contempt for her — and that she, on the flippity, should have felt the same contempt but decidedly — didn't. Shego had abused Kim, played her like a violin and as overt as it became, Kim allowed it because she didn't know what else to do. Apparently, Shego had undergone the same abuse from the bad doctor and already, Kim was sponging Shego's behavior onto Ron.
She was an abuser too. It was a chain.
"Drew," the name sounded strange as it clicked from Kim's tongue. "I was in love with her. I know she didn't feel that way towards me but — please tell me you're lying. Tell me that I didn't break up my best friend and fall in love with an abusive mercenary without any interference from you."
Drakken couldn't say anything.
Kim buried her face in her hands and her voice squeezed from her lungs much higher than usual. "I really messed up."
Drakken waited for the sobbing to die down and handed her a tissue. She blew on it and looked up at him with watery eyes.
"My plan is not to break you, Kimberly Ann, though it might feel that way right now." Drakken seemed very earnest. "It's to empower you."
"Excuse me — what?" Kim dropped the tissue on the bed and got to her feet, though Drakken remained seated. "How is this empowering? I'm a laughing stock — a PSA for the mentally ill — I — I ruined my own life, Drakken."
"Shh," Drakken whispered. "You're still young, and this is the final phase of my plan anywho."
"What is?"
He pointed at the floor between them.
"What?" Kim stuttered. "How — how — how is this it? This can't be it."
Drakken got up and walked over to the lab table, fingers pinching the curtain. "I've been influencing your decisions, yes, but am I forcing your hand? No. And will I? Double no. See, you are not becoming my Number One, Kimberly Ann."
"I—I'm not?" she almost regretted the Shego-lite ensemble she had tailored for herself.
"No. See. You're the new Big "Big" Daddy. I'm retiring as of — " he checked his watch. " — this minute. December 27th, 9:38PM."
"Wh—what? That's not — " the tension in Kim's jaw was giving her a headache. "They won't accept me as the boss. No way."
"They don't have a choice," Drakken said warmly. "I need you to understand something, and we touched on this in Vegas — I'm old. Washed up. A dreamer. Big picture, not nuts and bolts. The only thing I've managed to do right is save the world — and that was pretty much an accident. I'll never take over the world. And before — I blamed you. I named you my adversary and schemed to destroy you."
Kim's heart thumped. She thought about Eric. The first one, and how her heart had nearly been cleaved in two.
"But then I realized — I'll never defeat you. You're smarter than me — than most people — and boy do you know how to win a fight. You see Kimberly Ann," Drakken lectured. "What started all of this was one little thought: If I can't take over the world, maybe she can."
Kim blinked. "Excuse me?"
"You were already very capable — and now look at yourself. No holds barred with an entire criminal syndicate under your belt. Use them how you see fit, do the right thing, whatever that may be. You have all the power and influence in the world now. That is what I am giving you."
Kim had to sit down. "I can't — I don't even want to take over the world — "
"But don't you want to stop Master Sensei? Is he not abusing his power and position?"
"Of course — I hate him, he's number one on my list but — "
"Ah good. You have a list. And what of Elizabeth Director? Doesn't it make you sick knowing how she handled William Du's death? Pardoning you and offering you a job at her side?"
"It does make me sick, but I can't — "
"Ronald Stoppable. He killed someone we both loved very much. Most powerful person on the planet with not a clue on how to manage his strength."
"Drakken, shut up — I don't want to — "
"You're crying; good! You should be! Despite everything that's happened to you, you still feel love. You're not a monster, you want people to be okay. You find beauty in things — you're stronger than you know but — to do what's right — to do the work that you know must be done — you're going to need help."
"H-help?"
He pulled back the curtain and on the lab table was the Attitudinator. Not the same she saw at Hench's weapon's convention; that one had been destroyed and discontinued. This was something else.
"After we stole the Moodulators from Bortel, I used them as a base component to my own Attitudinator. Just as effective as ever though."
Kim rubbed a sleeve to her face, staining it in snot. "Why don't you just use it on yourself? Why does it have to be me?"
"Because I'm an idiot," Drakken shrugged in an oaf-ish way that really reminded her of Shego. "A mama's boy who is better off selling cupcakes than world domination. But you — you can handle it."
Her teeth chattered. "I'm not — I'm not a bad guy, I don't — "
"There is no bad, Kimberly Ann. It's just feelings. You're hesitating — you don't have to. Use the Attitudinator. Become evil. You already have the mission in mind — you're just scared of hurting people. But who cares? Twenty years from now, who will care that you killed Ron Stoppable?"
"I hope that we can be on the same side, but for right now — we have different visions. And we might end up on opposing sides very soon and when that does happen — I will not hesitate in taking you out."
She blinked back more tears but it did not help her see any better.
"All that matters is the work. Do the work, Kim. Think about the future."
She looked to the Attitudinator and was surprised to see her shaking hand stretching out before her. She pulled back her wrist and screamed, feet stomping against the floor. Her head crumpled to her chest and her shoulders writhed in her tears. She twisted her wrist hard and gasped as the already sore area ignited in pain. "I hurt myself for a reason. I know what I'm doing is wrong."
"It's not wrong!" Drakken said abruptly. "You don't have to be in pain anymore."
She closed her eyes.
Bit her lip.
And prayed for forgiveness.
She wiped the tears from her eyes, though the blurry sheet kept sliding over her vision, and she stood tall. Rolled back the shoulders, twitched the fingers, and stared at the wretched machine. It would be so easy to wind back the clock — all those disgusting feelings bubbling in her, keeping her from eating and sleeping, they spawned from self-loathing and guilt and with a flick of the switch — gone.
It was like she told Ron — Kim Possible was dead, at least in the sense that she was so empty that she was indistinguishable from drywall. Nothing could possibly make her happy now, so why tap into those secret desires? Why bother with anything personal? This journey she embarked on when she flew to Paris — though ill-conceived — accomplished what she wanted.
She learned that after everything — she was right, and her feelings didn't matter. She left so she could find herself — and she found nothing.
But the work. Shego taught her about the work, she saw the work unfold firsthand and it was right.
So why not finish the job and finally kill Kim Possible? That was the Attitudinator; it was right there and all too easy to use. Within seconds, her nightmares and visions of suicide could die and be replaced with an ambitious young woman who wants to change the world — and actually has the leverage to do so.
No more self-harm, no more self-medicating, no more abuse, no more spiraling.
"Kim — we're in the same boat. There's — people out there who are telling us to do things we don't want to do and guess what — I said no. You didn't."
Or she could try. Try to get better, not take the easy way out, and potentially sentence herself to suicide.
She hadn't realized she was holding the Attitudinator, but she set it down and though she couldn't see him, she could feel Drakken's hungry eyes burrowing into her back. Waiting for her to pull the string.
She closed her eyes.
"No."
Drakken stuttered. "No?"
She brushed the hair from her eyes and waited until her heart stopped pounding. "I'll do it. I'll take over the world." Her cold voice haunted even her. "But I need to hold onto what little me there is. I appreciate you going through the trouble to make it easier for me but — "
Deep sigh. A shuddering breath.
If you get in my way Ron, I'll kill you. That's what you said.
What is my way? How could I even kill someone like him? Why would that make the world a better place? I know it would — could — if he continues to kill indiscriminately. He — he hasn't done anything wrong — yet.
Shego should have died. Just like me. But I'm still breathing. Pull back the frame. Think. Are you really going to walk away after all this time? You coward. No. I'm no coward. I'm not —
Princess, you are twisted — I mean, you give even me the heebie-jeebies. Thank God the Buffoon killed me so I don't have to see it.
No. Not Shego. No more. She hated me. Dying was her last revenge.
KP. You need help — you're — I hate to say it, you're a psychopath.
Yes. Yes, Ron, I am. But — I feel alive?
This is the last time I can choose to be self-destructive — or the first time I can choose to heal.
" — I won't be — "
Drakken stared at her, slack-jawed and gawk-eyed.
She raised an eyebrow and suddenly caught how dry her throat was. "How — how much of that was out loud?"
"A—all of it?" he stuttered. "You impersonate Shego and the Buffoon very well…"
A pink came to her cheeks — she needed help alright. But! The task at hand. Brass tacks. Focus Kim. Head in the game.
"I won't be needing the Attitudinator to take over the world — " she explained.
"Puh-lease. You can do anything."
" — because I'm ready right now. Thank you for waking me up."