Chapter Text
When Hinata woke up, the world around him was dark. A faint sliver of moonlight shone through the window, the only illumination. Kageyama curled around him, chest rising and falling in a slow rhythm as he slept. One of his arms was draped around Hinata, holding him close.
Kageyama looked so peaceful, so content like this. Instead of furrowed with worry, his brows relaxed into graceful arches. His severe, black bangs were tousled in a way that softened his whole appearance. Dark lashes fluttered over his cheeks as he dreamed.
Hinata reached out, heartbroken. He cupped Kageyama’s cheek in one hand, careful not to wake him, and pressed a kiss to his forehead. Kageyama stirred a little in his sleep, shifting closer.
“Tobio… I’m so sorry,” Hinata whispered, throat tightening.
He had to tell him what he’d done. He had to come clean, had to find out if there was a way to fix the mess he’d made. But, he couldn’t do it now, while Kageyama was sleeping. After everything that he put up with, he needed his rest.
Still, laying there in Kageyama’s arms was too hard when Hinata knew that even that shred of affection was a lie.
He extracted himself as carefully as possible, pulling the quilts up around Kageyama to keep him warm. Hinata couldn’t go back to sleep. Not like this. He needed fresh air, needed to find his resolve.
He stripped down, feeling exposed with every step he took toward the front door. Feathers brushed against his cheek, and two crow’s feet landed on his shoulder with a soft caw.
Morgan pecked at his cheek, tilted his head.
Hinata’s heart twisted with guilt. “I’ll be back,” he whispered. “I have to. To make this right.”
Morgan seemed to understand. He stared at Hinata a moment longer before returning to his perch on one of the shelves. Feathers fluffing once, he settled back to sleep.
One of his hands strayed to his chest, clutching the howlite necklace that Kageyama had made him. The stone felt warm to the touch, like a living thing, and he took comfort in the familiar weight of it. Steeling his nerves, he pulled the front door open as quietly as possible, slipping out.
Once the door was safely closed, he let the change wash over him.
The moon was weak tonight. He could barely feel its pull. Still, after all the practice he’d had, the change was seamless and painless. He fell to all fours, fur growing in waves and transformation complete in the blink of an eye. He shook his fur, breathed in the night air, and stepped away from the cottage.
The garden was different. At first, Hinata thought that it was the night playing tricks on him. Things always looked different in the dark. Not only that, but he was in wolf form. Like this, everything towered over him even more than usual. He chalked the absolute jungle of the garden up to that until the path through it narrowed, then disappeared entirely. Briars rose around him in a thick wall, blocking the path and blocking any sight of the forest beyond.
Lavender-colored blossoms covered the thorns in a stunning display, and the sweet scent of cloves filled the air around Hinata.
He sat down, stunned, as he realized that it was the mystery rose.
The same rose he’d stepped on just a few hours ago. The same rose that had been small enough he’d been afraid of trampling it to death with that single misstep. Now, it towered around him like a thorny castle bejeweled with the most beautiful flowers he’d ever seen. It clouded his senses with the sweetest scent, drowning out all others.
Hypnotically, he walked up to the nearest blossom, nose pressed into the velvety petals. He breathed in the scent, savored it.
He had so much to fear. So much regret. He’d hurt Kageyama, had stolen the free will of the person he loved the most. The spiced perfume of the rose soothed his shattered heart. He let it envelop his senses, let himself be lost in it for a long moment before pulling away.
The smell reminded him of Kageyama. It reminded him of the safety he’d once felt when he was in the witch’s arms.
Sighing, he pulled away from the flower and paced in front of the thorns. Most of the path was blocked, but there was a narrow space close to the bottom….
He decided to risk it. He lowered down to the ground, eased his head through the opening, and shimmied through inch by inch.
Hinata managed to get about halfway through before he started having trouble. Thorns tangled in his fur, tugging at it as he struggled to fit through the tiny gap. His front claws dug into the earth, back feet kicking, and finally—finally, he broke free.
He looked back just once. He couldn’t even see the cottage past the wall of lavender roses. Taking a deep breath, he ran.
Hinata had no destination, no plan. He simply needed air. Needed to move, needed to fly through the trees and feel the wind in his fur. His paws pounded against the mossy forest floor, and he breathed in the symphony of scents around him. He didn’t know how long he ran, just like that, experiencing the forest alone for the first time without fearing it. Eventually, he ended up at the hilltop he’d stood on with East River wolves before.
Tonight, he was alone. He sat down, looking across the forest below. Eventually, his gaze wandered to the sky. Stars blinked behind traveling clouds, and the moon hung above, a crescent so thin he might have missed it. Tipping his head back, Hinata let out a low howl.
It was different from the howl before. There was no joy in this howl. No zest for life. This song was a requiem for the love he’d never had, for the broken heart inside his chest.
He didn’t linger long on the hillside, in case the East River wolves showed up. He trusted them, knew that they understood him in ways that no one ever would, and a part of that is why he couldn’t face them right now. Instead, he wandered down the hill and into trees that he recognized by scent alone.
The forest thinned around him, just like he remembered. A dirt road and a lonely farmhouse came into view. No lights shone through Sugawara’s windows. It was too late for that. Still, Hinata took comfort knowing that his little sister was safe and cared for in those walls.
He strayed closer, a low whine in his throat and tail tucked between his legs as he edged closer to the road. Hinata knew he wouldn’t see Natsu. It was too far and too dark for that. But he needed to be nearer to her, needed the comfort of knowing she was close by, despite the walls that kept them apart.
He followed the edge of the road, steps quickening to a desperate run.
An earsplitting snap shattered the silence right before pain shot up Hinata’s hind leg. He screamed, crumpling to the ground. Blinded with agony, he tried to get up, tried to see what had happened. He couldn’t stand, couldn’t see past the tears that burned at his eyes. The coppery reek of blood drowned out all other scents, and his whole body shook as he scrambled to pull away from the pain.
His leg twitched uselessly, caught in the jaws of a terrible beast. He didn’t see anything or anyone behind him, though—and it took an agonizing eternity before he spotted the shine of moonlight on metal near his bloodied leg.
Sharp, metal teeth dug into his fur, tightening their grip with every desperate tug. Blood poured over the trap as he struggled to break free.
His instincts screamed and screamed at him to get away, to bite, to pull, to run and run and run from the beast that had him in its grasp. No matter how hard he pulled, no matter how much he strained or clawed at the trap, it only grew tighter around his leg.
Eventually, he collapsed on the ground, breath broken into pained whimpers as he shuddered with pain.
It hurt more than anything he’d ever experienced. And yet, Hinata thought grimly, maybe it was a fitting punishment for what he’d done to Kageyama. He’d bleed out here, a long, slow death. Or worse, someone from town would find him and put him out of his misery. He deserved this—and knowing that made it hurt even more.
Hinata shifted back. It was slow, excruciating. The fur receded as he reached for the trap with shaking hands. Metal grated against bone as he changed, and he tried, weakly, to pull the trap apart. He couldn’t get a grip on the metal, though. It was slick with blood, and the teeth sank into his fingers with every attempt.
Eventually, he gave up. Curled up around his ruined leg, Hinata cried. He cried for the terrible, fitting fate that had found him. Cried for the burning agony that washed through him in waves. Cried for the love he’d lost. Cried for Kageyama—cried with the knowledge of what he’d done to him.
Hinata drifted in and out of consciousness. Blood flowed thick and warm down his leg as he stared out in to the forest through his tears. He stayed like that, waiting for the end, for what felt like hours or years. The night stretched on for an eternity. When a faint glow shone from the forest, Hinata thought grimly that it must be dawn. He didn’t move. Didn’t know if he could move anymore.
And although he’d been sure it was the dawn, the glow was the wrong color. Soft blue light shone from a thousand tiny points low to the ground. The lights spread toward him. One by one, the small blue wildflowers around him glowed with ethereal light. What started as a few glowing flowers soon turned to a sea of radiant blossoms all around him, lighting the world up as sure as sunlight.
He gave a sad, weak smile. It was over. He was dying. At least the delirium of his fading mind had given him that last, beautiful gift before he passed.
A shadow passed over the sea of blue. Hinata’s vision darkened; he couldn’t make out what it was until warm arms wrapped around him. Someone was crying. It took Hinata far too long to realize that it was him. He sobbed, curled into a familiar scent as vines ripped the trap to metal splinters and freed his leg.
“Tobio….” Hinata’s voice broke around the name. His arms wrapped around Kageyama’s neck as the witch lifted him gently, cradling him close. Tears splashed into his hair, and he realized, belatedly, that they were Kageyama’s.
“I’ve got you. You’re safe, now,” the witch whispered. He pulled something out of a pouch and touched Hinata’s leg. Leaves like velvet sprouted from thin air to wrap tight around the wound. “Let’s go home.”
Hinata clung to him, grip weak where his hands fisted in fabric. He leaned his head against Kageyama’s shoulder. There were more words, but those—along with the forest—drifted in and out. His eyes felt heavy, and he took what little comfort he could in Kageyama’s warmth and scent.
He wasn’t sure if it was minutes or hours by the time they approached the wall of roses that stood before the small cottage. New rosebuds sprouted, spreading lavender petals right before their eyes. The briars didn’t stop Kageyama. They parted into a stunning archway as he made his way through the garden, through the kitchen, and into the bedroom.
Crystals glowed dimly around them while candles flickered to life. Every plant in the room turned toward Hinata, blossoms drooping, as Kageyama set him down on the bed. As gentle as it was, the press of blankets against the wound sent jolts of fresh pain through his body. He let out a broken sound, curling around it.
Kageyama swore under his breath. With Hinata out of his arms, he moved quickly. When Hinata peered up at him through his tears, Kageyama looked scared. Guilt twisted inside of him, but he didn’t have time to wallow. Kageyama was in and out of the bedroom, bringing herbs and alcohol and all kinds of oddities. He piled them onto the bedside table before finally sitting down on the bed near Hinata.
He eased the lamb’s ear leaves off of Hinata’s wound and hissed at the sight of it. He put a cloth under the wounded leg, expression dark. “This is going to hurt. I’m sorry….”
Hinata nodded, gasping for breath as Kageyama wet a cloth with water from a nearby pitcher. He dabbed at the blood, cleaning as best he could even though blood still flowed thick from the deep gashes. Every swipe of cloth, every gentle press sent pain like lightning through Hinata’s entire body. His fists tangled in the blankets below, and he keened into the pillow.
Kageyama didn’t slow down or stop. He washed Hinata’s leg and hands with alcohol next, holding the leg when Hinata struggled. When he pulled out a needle and thread, Hinata hugged the pillow to his chest with a fearful sob. He hid his face in it, tiny broken sounds escaping him with every needle puncture, every tug on broken flesh. The rest was a painful, nightmarish blur. Kageyama spread something cold around the wounds, followed by more velvety leaves. He bandaged Hinata’s leg tightly. So tightly that Hinata couldn’t breathe for a few, long moments. Finally, he bandaged Hinata’s palms and fingers and sat back.
The room swam around him, and fingers brushed through his hair. “I’ll get something for the pain. Wait here—okay…?” The last words sounded so fragile. Hinata realized, heart sinking, that Kageyama was afraid he would run again.
“O… okay,” he whispered, voice hoarse.
Kageyama’s shoulders sank with relief. He ducked into the kitchen. The familiar sound of a kettle whistle filled the cottage just before Kageyama returned, steaming cup in hand. He put an arm around Hinata, propping him up and pressing the cup into his hands. He never really let go of the cup, though. His hand stayed there, next to Hinata’s, supporting the tea and guiding it to his lips.
This time, Hinata didn’t bother to ask what was in it. He choked every last drop down and prayed it would ease his suffering.
Kageyama set the cup down on the table and wrapped his arms around Hinata, nuzzling into his hair. Hinata pressed into him, trembling. The pain faded slowly. It didn’t leave completely. The tea only took the worst of it, leaving Hinata aching and dizzy as he leaned against Kageyama.
“I don’t know what I did wrong,” Kageyama started, voice breaking around the words. “But… if you really hate it here, I won’t hold you here against your will. You’re free to leave if that’s what you really want. But please. Please… at least give yourself time to heal. And at least let me take you back to town safely. I just… I just want you to be okay.” Tears splashed against Hinata’s hair; Kageyama’s breath shuddered with broken sobs as he hugged Hinata tightly.
“I don’t hate it here! I… I love it here. With you.” Hinata hugged him back as tightly as he could, burying his face in Kageyama’s shirt. His chest hurt even more than his leg. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I did. I did something terrible, and I… I don’t want you to suffer because of it.”
“Shouyou…” The way Kageyama said his name sounded pained. “I love you, and I don’t want to lose you. Please, whatever it is, just tell me. We can figure things out. Okay?” His arms tightened around Hinata, and his shoulders shook as he sobbed.
“I love you, Tobio.” Every word felt broken. Hinata meant those words more than anything else in the world—but it killed him to think that Kageyama’s confession had been bottled from the start. “I love you so, so much. That’s why… that’s why it hurts so much I can’t bear it—because you don’t really love me back.”
The witch growled, arms tightening around him. “Damn it, Shouyou, I do love you if you would listen for one fucking—”
“I gave you the rest of the love potion!” Silence fell over both of them as the admission burst from Hinata. He crumpled and added uselessly, “on accident. When you were hurt. I thought it was a healing potion. That’s why—that’s why I’m hurting you, and it’s killing me to know that I hurt you, to know that I love you so, so much and that you only love me back because I forced you to….”
Kageyama was quiet for a while. Hinata prepared himself for the worst. Prepared himself for rejection that he knew would come. Weakly, he asked. “If there is a way to undo it… I’ll do anything I can to help.”
“You really are a dumbass.”
Hinata looked up, shocked. Kageyama didn’t look mad. He didn’t look hurt or betrayed. He just shook his head, hugging Hinata closer.
“Shouyou… you can’t bottle love. It’s not something that you can just make with magic. I don’t love you because of some dumb potion. I love you because… because of the way your eyes light up when you see something exciting. Because of your bright smiles and your bravery. Because of your kind heart and because of the way you see the best in others. Even when they can’t see it themselves. I love your freckles and the way you blush down to your shoulders when you’re embarrassed. I love the way you forget about your tail, so I’ll just see it wagging behind you when you’re happy.”
Slight heat rose to Hinata’s cheeks, and he shoved weakly at Kageyama. “If… if the potion doesn’t make someone love someone else, what does it do?”
Kageyama shrugged. “It’s a crush in a bottle. Cheap infatuation. It’s never the same as real love, and that’s one of the reasons why I hate making it for people.”
“But—what if this is infatuation—”
“For fuck’s sake, I said I loved you, didn’t I?”
“Yeah, but—”
Kageyama sighed. “You gave it to me when I was hurt, right?”
“Right…” Hinata frowned, trying to follow where he was going with this.
“I liked you before that.”
Hinata tried and failed to come up with a good argument for that.
“So, the potion was useless. I already liked you. And now, I love you. Those are my actual damn feelings, all right?”
“…are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure! Here—tomorrow morning, we’ll brew an antidote. I’ll take that and prove my point, okay? For now, you just need to trust me. And tomorrow I’ll show you beyond a shadow of a doubt that I love you, potion be damned.”
Hinata relaxed a little at that. So, there was an antidote. And Kageyama had agreed to make it and take it—so he would be free, either way. And maybe, just maybe—
“Don’t make that face. I love you. That’s not going to change.” Kageyama ran his fingers through Hinata’s hair, pressing a kiss to his forehead.
“I love you, too,” Hinata braved. This time, it didn’t hurt to say it. He could breathe again, despite the ache of his wounded leg, despite the fear he’d carried before. “I love you so much, Tobio….”
“So… stay with me. Please.” Kageyama nuzzled into his hair.
Hinata shifted to look up at Kageyama, trying to make sure he understood him properly. Kageyama met his eyes, expression soft as he stroked his hair.
“This is your home, too, if you want it. Your sister is free to come and go as she pleases, too. I’ll make sure the forest is safe enough to travel. I want you to stay. More than anything. But… if you don’t want to,”
“I want to!” Hinata blurted out the words, hugging Kageyama tightly. After a moment, he added a sheepish, “please.”
Kageyama relaxed around him with a relieved sigh. “I’m glad.” He cupped Hinata’s face in one hand, leaning down to kiss him. One kiss led to two, which led to more. Hinata tried to tug Kageyama closer, tried to kiss him harder, but Kageyama was infuriatingly gentle. And, when shifting his leg tore a pained gasp from Hinata’s lips, Kageyama pulled back to press kisses to his head, instead.
“You need to rest.” Kageyama pulled another spare quilt out of the armoire to avoid disturbing Hinata’s leg. He draped it carefully over him, stroking his hair.
“Only if you’re gonna rest with me.”
“Fair enough.” Kageyama slipped under the quilt, careful not to bump Hinata’s leg as he wrapped an arm around his waist. Kageyama nuzzled into him, and one by one, the candles went out. The crystals dimmed, leaving the two in darkness.
Hinata curled as close to Kageyama as he could manage, wincing with every shift until finally, mercifully, he found a comfortable spot with his head resting on Kageyama’s shoulder. Sleep stole over him, deep and merciful. As he faded into slumber, he took comfort in the witch’s warmth and the hope that he might spend every night in Kageyama’s arms after this.