Chapter Text
11. A Fool’s Courage
Time Setting: Hazuki Nagisa, age 21/Ryuugazaki Rei, age 28
Flashbacks of Ryuugazaki Rei, age 24
-Four Years Ago-
“Please…!”
Somewhere in the back of his mind, Rei could feel his knees starting to hurt. The sun-soaked pavement burned his skin, the heat from the rock seeping through the thin fabric of his pants as he knelt before the three women in dancers’ clothes. His large, tan hands were fisted in the white cotton, and trembling. He dared not look up, for fear that he might lose his courage.
“…Do you know what you are suggesting, Your Honor?” It was the auburn haired woman who spoke first, her burgundy eyes searching as she looked down at Rei, as if she were seeing right through him. “An act like that is not child’s play—you should not say such things lightly—“
“I am not!” Rei said earnestly, looking up to meet the woman’s eyes. “I know—I know it would be putting your brother’s honor on the line—and not knowing the truth will likely cause him grief—but even so…!” His hands clenched around his pants. “I just wish to protect him—so that he will be free to live as he wishes…!”
“…But why?” Nagisa’s sister stared down at him, burgundy eyes thoughtful. “Why would you go to such lengths to throw away your own honor—and why should we trust you? It has been an awfully long time since the two of you even met, Rei-san.” For a moment, a silence rang between the two adults—before Rei opened his mouth.
“—I love him.”
As the other two Hazuki sisters silently exchanged surprised looks, Rei looked up to meet Nagisa’s eldest sister square in the eye. “All these years I—I have seen him during my patrols through the kingdom. I have never approached him or made myself known to him since—since I believed you made your wishes on that matter clear, Hazuki-san. And somehow—I have grown to fall in love with him.” His brows furrowed in earnest as he continued. “I know, that it sounds suspicious and illogical, that it doesn’t make sense—but it is the truth, one I have come to terms with at last.” He bit his lip.
“That is why I am willing to do anything—anything if it means that I can protect his happiness. Even if he does not return my feelings, or even despises me—I am fine with that. So please.” Placing his palms on the scorching rock, Rei dropped his forehead to the ground and bowed, startling the Hazuki sisters. The skin under his bangs began turning red with the heat, his glasses hanging dangerously close to the pavement—his eyes shut tightly in earnest.
-Present-
‘Please entrust him to me…!’
With a start, Rei’s eyes flew open to a dark ceiling of canvas. While they readjusted to the dark, he realized that he was lying in the tent he shared with Nagisa. From outside, the faint sound of the ocean water lapping against the beach could be heard, the salty smell of the sea drifting in through the tent flap. Blinking, Rei remembered that he was currently traveling with Rin and his caravan—they were currently camping on the beach for the night. Which meant that he must have been dreaming about the past just now. The brunet took a moment to just lie there in the tent, staring at the canvas overhead, organizing the many thoughts in his head.
When he had first approached the Hazuki sisters, Rei recalled, it had been just one week before his first wedding with Nagisa was held. He had finally managed to speak to them at one of the nobles’ parties for which they performed—and thankfully (or not), Nagisa had not been present then. Even four years later, Rei remembered everything—his own shaking hands, the Hazuki sisters’ suspicious stares, and the scorching pavement that had burned his forehead as he bowed down before them, pleaded with them for the blonde’s hand in marriage.
He remembered having a serious talk with his uncle, the countless bouts of nervousness and stomachaches he had the week before their wedding. The twinges of guilt in his heart when Nagisa would not even look at him during the ceremony. The hurt he thought he did not deserve to feel, when the boy flinched away from him before their kiss, and on their wedding night. The surprise when Nagisa first spoke to him at the dining table, the worry that he had ruined any prospect of being on decent terms with the blonde—and the burst of happiness he had felt when Nagisa first visited his study and extended a hand of friendship.
Looking back on some of the events that had transpired afterwards, Rei knew that it had not been the best start for their relationship. But all the same, as he lay beside a sleeping Nagisa in the present, his arm around the blonde’s waist and the younger man’s head nestled against the crook of his neck, his chest heaving up and down as he lay in slumber, Rei was glad that he had finally reached out four years ago, had made himself known to Nagisa in some way. He wondered what he would have been doing now, had he never taken any action—somehow, he thought he would still be watching the boy from afar. Or worse, he could have been watching Nagisa from afar as he smiled for another man or woman…
Just thinking about the possibility made Rei’s heart clench, and unconsciously his arm around his sleeping husband tightened a little, as he drew the man closer to himself. Unfortunately, the motion caused Nagisa to stir in Rei’s arms, and it was not long before he was sitting up and rubbing his eyes sleepily.
“…Rei…?” Cracking his eyes open, Nagisa studied his wide-awake husband with sleepy surprise. “You weren’t sleeping?” His cheeks flushing, Rei leaned down and pressed a kiss to Nagisa’s forehead.
“I woke up just a moment ago,” he murmured against Nagisa’s hair. “I didn’t intend to wake you—I’m sorry.” With a smile that was now only slightly sleepy, Nagisa shook his head and wrapped his arms around his husband, snuggling back into his chest.
“It’s fine—my dream was just about to end, anyways.” He laughed, causing Rei to become curious.
“Dream? What is it that you were dreaming about?” he asked, snaking a hand up behind Nagisa’s head to stroke his hair gently. Leaning into the touch, the blonde nuzzled his head against those gentle calloused hands before responding.
“I didn’t really see anything in the dream,” he said, yawning slightly. “But there was this gentle voice ringing in my ears—and I was sitting in that person’s lap—I think he was reading me a storybook.” Nagisa smiled against Rei’s chest as he felt the brunet’s breathing stop. “It felt really nostalgic—and then, I realized that it was you reading to me. And that was when I woke up.”
“…You remember? From that time?” Rei asked with surprise. Nagisa giggled as he shifted closer to Rei on their blankets.
“Just recently—I remembered hearing your voice first. It was higher than it is now, but it’s still the same—so gentle and focused.” His ears flushing slightly, Rei let out what he hoped was a casual-sounding ‘hmm’ as he hugged the blonde close. “And then I remembered what it felt like, sitting in your lap—I remember it was warm, and really comfortable. You were just like an old comfy armchair!” As Nagisa teased Rei, the older man sat up with a slightly indignant look.
“I would appreciate it if you would not compare me to a piece of furniture.” Giggling, Nagisa reached up and gave Rei’s lips a quick, placating peck.
“It was meant as a compliment, silly! Don’t look so peeved.” Smiling, the blonde reached up towards his own head and took Rei’s hand in his own, their fingers intertwining together naturally. “The next thing I remembered were your hands turning the pages—they were different from now, paler and smoother—although they were long and thin back then, too.” Lifting Rei’s hand, Nagisa placed it on his own cheek, closing his eyes pleasantly at the warmth. “And they feel just as warm now.” At these words, the edges of Rei’s eyes melted slightly, taking in the face of his husband with unconcealed affection.
“That was before I joined the royal army,” he explained. “Before then, I used to stay inside the house most of the time—I was always in the study reading, and as I held no interest in sports or anything of the like at the time, I rarely ever went outside. It is a good thing that my priorities changed to include physical fitness as well—although without the goal of entering His Majesty’s forces, I may not have shown any interest at all.”
“Well, I do like how fit you are!” Nagisa said brightly. “Especially at times like this…” Flushing a bright red, Rei smacked Nagisa lightly on the head, and the blonde laughed. “But I liked how you looked back then, too—tall and slim and pale, with your dark hair and pretty eyes—the little me probably wanted to take you as a bride!” As Rei choked on his spit and started coughing violently, Nagisa laughed again and reached around to smack his husband on the back.
“A bride?” Rei finally choked out, when his coughs had subsided somewhat. “That is how you saw me all along?!” He received a playful wink from the blonde in response.
“It was only a silly thought—and I may or may not have actually thought it—but either way, you were a sight for sore eyes! You looked far prettier than my sisters, even!” Rei snorted in response, the sound failing to mask the flush in his cheeks.
“I am not sure whether you mean to flatter me or tease me.” Nagisa grinned in response.
“It’s a little of both!” he chirped cheerfully. “Take it any way you’d like!” With that, he started humming—and Rei thought that he could recognize the tune that floated out from between the blonde’s lips.
“Is that…” Before he could finish his question, Nagisa nodded.
“It’s the song I hummed when I danced for you back then! It was one of my favorite songs to dance to when I was little. I’m surprised you remember it!”
“…Of course I remember.” Rei’s eyes softened with nostalgia and more affection as he looked at his husband. “You said you wanted to cheer me up with your dance—and you did. The joy on your face as you danced—it gave me hope when I thought I had lost all of it. There is no way I would forget it.” He patted Nagisa’s head affectionately, taking pleasure in the way that the blonde’s face was warming.
“Well, you were hardly cracking a smile all throughout your visit—and I even made you cry somehow. I had to do something to fix it!” he mumbled, burying his face in Rei’s chest. “I thought reading might do the trick, since you said you liked it…so you can’t blame me for being shocked…” Surprised at how much Nagisa remembered about his past now, Rei reached down to stroke his husband’s cheek.
“It wasn’t you who made me cry,” he murmured gently. “It was remembering about my parents—how they used to seat me in their laps and read picture books aloud to me as well. And that was the first time I had cried since their death—so I must have startled you with my sobbing. I’m sorry for shocking you.” Nagisa shook his head.
“It’s all right—I’m just happy that you finally let your feelings out. And I’m glad I could at least let you hug me back then.” He hoped that his seven-year-old self had eased Rei’s pain that day, when the fourteen-year-old had clung to him like a child as he let his tears fall. “If I was able to comfort you somehow, then that’s fine with me.” With that, he reached up to kiss each of Rei’s eyelids affectionately. “Although I prefer to see these pretty eyes smiling!” At these words, Rei’s smile melted even more. The brunet pulled Nagisa back down so that they were eye to eye with each other.
“You have—and you will. How do they look now?” He received a smile in response from his husband before the blonde leaned forward, touching his forehead with Rei’s.
“Happily in love,” he teased in a soft, playful voice. “I would hope!” The emotions in his own burgundy eyes reflected that of Rei’s, the beautiful irises shining, making up the beginnings of a person who was Rei’s hope and future.
“You know so.” And with that, the two husbands leaned in, their lips meeting in a series of tender kisses. And as Nagisa lay nestled in his arms, Rei felt as if he held all of the world’s hope in those bright eyes and happy smile.
-Fin.