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guess who

Summary:

The Avengers try to figure out who Tony's new squeeze is.
Five times the team guessed wrong and one time they guessed right.

Notes:

Special thanks to all my betas
- Ayca
- Nina
- Lyra

 

This is spoiler free for everything because my ass is still stuck in 2012.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

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Natasha came to Steve first while he was making a team dinner in Tony’s penthouse kitchen. While everyone had their own space, Tony’s was the biggest so the team just congregated there whenever they could. Steve probably spent the most time in the penthouse living room sketching and eating.

 

“Has Tony mentioned dating anyone?” Natasha stood beside him as he chopped tomatoes and he nearly dropped the knife into the pile of seeds.

 

Steve frowned keeping his face carefully blank as he slid the chopped tomato into a frying pan with the rest of the cut vegetables. “He hasn’t mentioned anything to me.”

 

Natasha tapped a grimy nail against her chin as she surveyed the food on the counter before fixing her eyes on Steve. She studied his profile as he lit the gas setting the pan on the stove. “You guys are besties ,” Natasha made jazz hands at the word to emphasize her point, “so if he were to be dating anyone...”

 

“I would be the first to know,” Steve finished , trying not to grimace as he plastered a polite smile on his face. He pulled open Tony’s spice cabinet , rooting around before dumping a bunch of different, nice smelling powders into the pan. The smell of spices permeated the air as Steve tossed the vegetables with a skilled flick of his wrist. He loved the wide variety of food Tony kept stocked in his kitchen, it felt so good to not be in a depression.

 

Steve side eyed Natasha as a small wrinkle in the middle of her forehead betrayed her deep thought. She didn’t have many tells but that was one of them. He would never tell her though, it helped being able to know what she was thinking.

 

Natasha, for all her intimidating stares and sharp pointy objects, was a matchmaker at heart. For someone who consistently claimed love to only be for children, she was surprisingly obsessed with finding it for her friends. Steve had been subject to many a blind date by her hand. While none of her efforts had been successful, Steve did genuinely enjoy the women Natasha set him up with, just not romantically. He was still friends with most of them too.

 

In one graceful movement the redhead was sitting on the only bare spot of the counter watching as Steve turned his attention from the vegetables to the bread rolls he was pulling out of the oven. Tony loved them and Steve was pleased to find that they had come out perfectly, filling the kitchen with the smell of warm bread. Her green eyes followed his form as he swung open the fridge door rummaging around for Tony’s favourite garlic butter.

 

“Has he introduced you to anyone new that could be a potential girlfriend?” Natasha tapped her nails against the counter swinging her legs. Her feet were clad in cute blue penguin socks that Clint had bought her for Christmas. Natasha’s wide range of fuzzy socks never failed to amuse Steve. Tony was planning on buying her a sock company for Christmas just to see her try and hide her smile.

 

“Not that I can recall,” Steve poured the roasted vegetables into a bowl of fresh lettuce leaves , topping the dish off with homemade balsamic vinaigrette. Steve couldn’t help but be proud of himself when the end result looked delicious. He focused back in on his conversation with Natasha. “Jarvis, do you remember anyone new in Tony’s life?”

 

“Mr Stark has not gained any new associates in the past four months,” Jarvis responded and Steve shot Natasha a triumphant look that he knew she wouldn’t understand. Steve plated the food making sure to slather Tony’s vegetables in garlic butter, which made him more likely to eat them. He set the cutlery on the table hearing the ding of the elevator as Tony and Thor made their way in stopping to sit in the living room.

 

“Maybe he’s dating someone he already knows, like Pepper,” Natasha mused as she watched Steve portion out everyone’s plates. She hopped off the counter making a beeline for the elevator. “I really hope they didn’t get back together. She hurt him pretty bad the last time.”

 

Steve resisted the urge to frown. He really did hate the way Pepper had left Tony because of his duty as Iron Man. He shot Natasha a warm smile as she crossed the living room, “Let’s hope not.”

 

Natasha got in to the elevator keying in her code before shooting Steve a wry smile. “I gotta go tell Clint.”

 

“Tell him to come up for dinner,” Steve called watching the doors swallow her form shut. Tony and Thor looked up from the couch and Steve shot them both a smile. Warm brown eyes met his followed by a raised eyebrow. Steve just shrugged and Tony went back to his conversation.

 

He hoped this didn’t become a thing. But of course it did.

 

***

 

Clint came up to him next while they were both in the training room and Steve was nearing the end of a heavy workout. He was pleased that he could finally feel sweat running down his spine as he swatted his curling hair out of his face.

 

“So I heard about the chat you and Nat had,” the archer started, ignoring all pleasantries and nearly startling Steve out of his skin. Clint crossed his arms across his chest as Steve steadied the bag and turned to his friend. Clint was in sweats and a tank top, a rare sight from his normal suburban dad look that Tony relentlessly teased him about.

 

“Yeah, I honestly don’t think it’s any of my business,” Steve responded nodding as he turned back to his bag hoping for the end of the conversation. He  wasn’t that lucky.

 

“Okay but in the decontam showers a couple of weeks ago I noticed that he had handprint shaped bruises marking-”

 

Steve groaned squeezing his eyes shut and effectively cutting Clint off. He did not need to hear about that now. Especially not in paper thin basketball shorts that would definitely give him away. “Don’t tell me you were ogling one of your teammates in the decontamination showers.”

 

“I wasn’t,” Clint’s hands shot up defensively and he coupled it with a vigorous head shake with eyes comically wide. Steve didn’t drop the glare though waiting for the archer to explain himself, “they looked like really nasty bruises, I was going to ask him if he was okay when I realized they were hand shaped and he had probably gotten his ass nicely fucked.”

 

Steve cringed at the use of the word ‘fuck’, a blush spreading across his cheeks. He took several deep, steadying breaths. Tony often accused him of an impeccable ‘Jesus give me strength’ face and he was definitely using it now as he directed his gaze skyward. He hoped Clint chalked it up to his forties sensibilities. He arched a brow at the smaller man an impassive expression in place on his face. “And you’re telling me this because?”

 

Clint rolled his eyes as though he expected Steve to magically know what his ultimate purpose was. Spoiler alert, he really didn’t. Contrary to popular belief, the serum did not give him telepathic abilities so no, he did not know what the archer wanted from him. “Do you know who Tony’s been banging?”

 

Steve shrugged, wrinkling his nose, turning back to his bag and giving it a couple of silencing punches to signify the hopeful end of the conversation. “It’s really not any of our business,” Steve repeated firmly sending Clint a hard look to match.

 

“Stark seems like the kind of bedmate to kiss and tell,” Clint murmured flippantly ignoring the brush off. Steve’s cheeks burned in anger and Clint raised his eyebrows when Steve shot him a withering glare, “don’t get your panties in a twist because he’s your BFF, you know he's not a gentleman when it comes to these things.” If Clint didn’t shut up, Steve was pretty sure he’d use him as a punching bag instead of the Kevlar heavy bag Tony had made just for him. “Anyway I’m thinking it’s Strange, he has pretty big hands.”

 

“Strange?” Steve raised an eyebrow giving up on a peaceful workout with a resigned sigh, he set to work unwrapping his hands. “What’s strange is you gossipping about the sexual relations of a teammate.”

 

Clint rolled his eyes again and Steve briefly wondered if Clint ever got tired of seeing the empty space between his ears. “No Dr. Strange, the wizard, snarky, rich, surgeon with the eccentric beard. Literally Tony’s match made in heaven.” Clint raised his hands bumping his fists together and swiping them out in a fighting position Steve recognized.

 

“Oh! The boom boom whoosh guy?” Steve nodded, grabbing a towel and wiping at the sweat pooling at the back of his neck. Now he knew Clint was just messing with him because they both hated Strange and his arrogance and snarky comebacks and magic . When he’d met Strange the man had been dating one of his colleagues. Chrystal or Christine or something. When Steve had shaken his hand it had seemed pretty average, if a little shaky. Steve looked down splaying out his palms and looking at them with furrowed brows, “I don’t think his hands are that big.”

 

Clint smirked, an amused lilt to his voice as he looked down at Steve’s open hands., “Comparing sizes are we?”

 

“Oh shove off,” Steve pushed Clint away playfully as he put away the heavy bag and shut the lights off in the gym. Clint didn’t ask anymore questions as they headed toward the elevator together.

 

***

 

It was Bruce who followed up a couple of weeks later catching Steve in the penthouse living room. Steve was sketching the team post battle in the middle of Park Avenue with the tower, their home, standing proud and glorious in the background. Steve loved drawing the clean lines of the Iron Man armour, the metal and the mechanics that not only protected Tony, but made him look good doing it. Steve was just perfecting the incandescent glow of the arc reactor when he felt another presence in the room. Bruce sat down with a large mug of tea glancing at Steve’s drawing with a warm smile.

 

“That looks amazing, have you ever considered art school?” Bruce pushed his glasses up his face. He set his mug on the coffee table beside Steve’s Fabre Castells, a just-because gift from Tony because he had an obscene amount of money, before flicking on the news.

 

“Yeah,” Steve gently closed his sketchbook and set it on top of his pencil crayon tin to give Bruce his full attention, “Tony offered to enroll me, we’re thinking of taking classes together so I’m not doing them by myself.”

 

Bruce nodded a hint of a surprised smile playing at his lips. Even Steve had been stunned when Tony had offered because the richest man in America at an art school?

 

Taking a sip from his mug, Bruce let out a resigned sigh as his glasses fogged up and took them off to wipe them with the sleeve of his silk shirt. Without his glasses on he looked years younger, his face a lot more open. Bruce squinted at Steve, “Speaking of Tony, have you noticed anything off about him lately?”

 

Steve shrugged. He’d had this conversation twice already with both Clint and Natasha, he really didn’t feel like repeating it a third time. He shifted uncomfortably propping his feet up on the coffee table and then squirming to place them back on the floor. “I haven’t noticed anything different with Tony.”

 

Bruce frowned at him, “I’m surprised, I figured you of all people would have noticed, you spend all your time together.” He set his glasses back on his face and pulled his socked feet up under him.

 

Steve pursed his lips, he didn’t think he was that obvious. Bruce was a lot more observant than most people gave him credit for. Hell, the entire team could have been detectives in another life for all the Sherlock Holmesing they did. Steve’s first tactic was to deflect. “Contrary to popular belief, I don’t spend every waking second agonising over Tony’s mental state.”

 

“I just thought you might have an idea,” Bruce held his hands up in defense and now Steve just felt bad. It wasn’t Bruce’s fault that Clint had riled him up the night before. Steve kept his face impassive as Bruce continued, “he’s been smiling a lot more and spending less time in the workshop. He must be seeing someone, I think he’s back with one of his ex girlfriends. Rumiko maybe?”

 

“Didn’t she cheat on him with his ex boyfriend?” Steve wrinkled his nose in disgust. He couldn’t imagine anyone even risking a relationship with Tony. No wonder the man didn’t trust easily. He deserved so much better than Ty and Ru.

 

“Okay maybe not her.” Bruce looked a little miffed at Steve’s harsh tone so the blond took several fortifying breaths to calm himself down. There was nothing wrong with not wanting his best friend to get hurt. “But he’s definitely seeing someone.”

 

“It’s really not any of our business,” Steve responded probably more firmly than he needed to but he was more than a little fed up with having this conversation over and over. He leaned back into the couch willing the fabric to swallow him whole.

 

Tony and the rest of the team chose that moment to enter the living room for movie night. Natasha and Clint took the love seat and Thor, the armchair, leaving Tony to flop down on the couch beside Steve. He immediately moved over to allow the smaller man to stretch out next to him like a cat.

 

The genius surveyed the coffee table before looking up at Steve, brown eyes wide and hopeful, “drawn anything good lately?” Then he laughed and the sound washed over Steve like a gentle wave. “That was a dumb question, everything you draw is more than good.”

 

He made grabby hands for Steve’s sketchbook and the blond acquiesced, handing over the leather-bound book. Tony had bought it for him at the MOMA gift shop and it was easily his favourite. Steve watched over Tony’s shoulder as he flipped through the pages making pleased sounds.

 

“Whose turn is it to pick?” Clint piped up, drawing Steve out of his thoughts.

 

“Yours, birdbrain,” Tony responded without looking up. Steve resisted the urge to laugh as Clint shot Tony a playful glare.

 

When Steve turned back to Bruce the scientist was studying Tony’s face with an incredulous expression. He shook his head before focusing on the screen with a shake of his head.

 

Steve hoped that meant he’d dropped the subject. He knew it was a naive hope.

 

***

 

Steve knew it was bad when Thor approached him on the tower’s deck. While the god was highly perceptive and observant, he wasn’t quite up to speed with most of Earth’s ‘mating rituals’ as he liked to call them.

 

“Steve, there you are,” Thor clapped him on the back, nearly throwing him off the side of the building. While Steve knew Tony had a security system in place to make sure anyone who fell off the tower survived okay (he had taken headers of his own tower one too many times) Steve didn’t feel the need to test the limits of Tony’s system.

 

“Hey Thor,” Steve passed him a warm smile. He was standing on the edge looking out over the city with what Tony had dubbed his ‘Captain America justice pondering face,’ as he took in the gorgeous colours of the sunset. “Want to watch nightfall with me?”

 

“I’m afraid Bruce wants to see me about storing lightning in my arm guards soon but I saw you out here and thought you might like some company for a little bit.” Thor stood beside him taking in the city below.

 

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Steve’s fingers itched for his watercolours so he could paint the city bathed in the warm orange glow. Maybe he could hang it in Tony’s workshop to remind the workaholic to come up for breathers more often.

 

“I find that I greatly appreciate sunsets in this realm.” Thor stood shoulder to shoulder with Steve, looking out at the horizon. Steve briefly wondered if the golden light reflecting of the buildings reminded the god of Asgard.

 

“I wish I could capture this view so I could look at it forever,” Steve exhaled closing his eyes and letting the sounds from Park Avenue below wash over him.

 

“I’m sure if you asked Tony he would find a way to do it for you,” Thor shot him a grin, “there is nothing he would not do for you.”

 

“Yeah,” Steve nodded before catching himself and adding, “he has truly dedicated himself to the team.”

 

Thor shot him a confused look and Steve immediately decided that Thor was a lot more perceptive than he seemed.

 

“Speaking of Stark,” Thor turned away from the beauty of the city to face Steve fully, “I think he has taken a bedmate and I would like to thank whoever has made him so happy. Perhaps it is his iron brother, War Machine.”

 

Steve resisted the urge to groan because not this again . He had just about had it with people coming to him to ask about Tony’s current sexual relations. Were the rest of the Avengers really that bored that even Thor had resorted to gossiping? For the first time, Steve wished for a mission to occupy his teammates minds.

 

“I don’t know anything about it,” Steve responded vehemently. If he heard another question about Tony’s love life, he would willingly jump off the tower.

 

“I don’t know why you lie,” Thor passed him a wry smile as he opened the door to head back inside, “but I respect your duty to keeping Tony’s secrets.”

 

And Thor was gone leaving Steve more confused than ever.

 

***

 

Steve knew he was done for when he heard the staccato sound of Pepper’s heels on the linoleum tile of Tony’s kitchen floor. He looked up from where he was pouring over his morning newspaper to meet her agitated green eyes.

 

“Tony hasn’t gotten up yet,” Steve responded sipping at his milk. It was Bruce’s turn to make breakfast but Steve was debating doing it himself if the scientist didn’t come up soon.

 

“I’m not here for Tony,” Pepper responded icily. Steve looked up, assessed Pepper’s glare and looked behind him to make sure it was really him who was the subject of such fire.

 

“Me?” Steve pointed at himself with raised eyebrows as he set down his milk. He watched as Pepper slapped down a stack of gossip rags that Tony always avoided like the plague.

 

“Every single tabloid in the country is clogging up the SI phone lines trying to get the scoop on Tony’s current squeeze.” Pepper sat down beside Steve running her fingers over her temples. “And Tony hasn’t told me anything about who he’s currently dating.”

 

“Okay,” Steve responded slowly. He got up to put his glass in the sink. “How does this pertain to me?”

 

“You and Tony are best friends,” Pepper threw her hands up, “If you can just tell me who has struck his fancy so I can put an end to all the women in the city claiming that he’s sleeping with them, it would make my day.”

 

“It’s not that simple,” Steve sighed pulling a carton of eggs out of the fridge and lighting the stove. He filled hot water in the carafe, brewing some of Tony’s expensive coffee for him.

 

“It has to be someone on the team, he almost never leaves the tower unless he’s with one of you.” Pepper put her head in her hands, “Is it Bruce? There’s a teen magazine talking about how the two fell in love over science.”

 

“Did someone say science?” Tony chose that moment to step into the kitchen and wow, he looked well fucked. His hair was a total mess and purplish bruises dotted his collarbone where the large ‘geniuses do it better’ shirt he was wearing slipped off his shoulder.

 

“Tony can you just put the SI receptionist out of her misery and tell me who you’re dating?” Pepper groaned.

 

Steve felt the gentle pressure of Tony’s fingers against the small of his back but it was fleeting and Tony was drinking straight from the carafe in the next moment. Steve made a noise of disapproval in the back of his throat but Tony only raised an eyebrow at him.

 

He set down his coffee with a sigh. “No can do, Pep,” Tony responded, digging through the cabinets for a mug. Steve gently hip checked him in thanks before setting a skillet on the stove and cracking open an egg.

 

“You’re insufferable you know that?” Pepper sighed before setting her purse on the counter. Steve heard her heels clatter to the floor as she toed them off.

 

Steve only shot her an angelic smile trying not to laugh when Tony followed suit. “Would you like an egg with that disapproval?”

 

And that was that.



***

 

“Hey Stark?” Steve tensed at the sound of Natasha’s voice. They were all sitting down for dinner, Bruce’s famous stir fry, and the lull in the conversation was not uncomfortable. Tony was sitting at Steve’s right contently eating his vegetables to make Steve happy.

 

Tony swallowed a mouthful of brown rice setting down his fork and dropping his hand to grip Steve’s under the table. Steve watched Tony straighten up in the corner of his eye. “Yes, Romanoff?”

 

Steve gently ran his fingers over Tony’s knuckles resisting the urge to bring his scarred fingers to his lips. He tilted his chin up at Natasha watching her observe Tony, her green eyes calculating.

 

“Bedded anyone recently?” She raised a brow and Steve resisted the urge to blush furiously. That would be a dead giveaway and he was the one who thought they should keep it a secret to protect the team dynamics.

 

The side of Tony’s mouth quirked up in a half amused smirk that Steve wanted to kiss right off him. His lips were beautiful, the most amazing pink colour that looked absolutely amazing wrapped around Steve’s-

 

“I’m sorry, but I don’t think that’s any of your business Natasha.” Tony shrugged before dropping Steve’s hand and returning back to eating in an attempt to end the conversation.

 

Steve rubbed comforting circles on his knee looking back down at his vegetables and frowning. He had been so happy to be with Tony when they first got together but fear of the team’s reaction had kept him from taking pride in the boyfriend he loved.

 

“Because it’s Steve, right?”

 

Steve and Tony’s heads shot up in unison sharing a look of shock, confusion, and slight guilt.

 

“How did you even-?” Tony sputtered his hands flying up palms out as though warding off the truth. His brown eyes bounced around the room like a caged animal and Steve squeezed his knee to calm him down. “I was so careful.”

 

Steve was a little more calm setting his fork down and facing Natasha head on, “What are you going to do about it?”

 

Natasha shrugged and followed Steve’s lead, setting down her fork and squaring her shoulders, “I think congratulations are in order.” Steve let out an inaudible sigh of relief, the tension seeping out of his frame. “I’m happy the two of you finally pulled your heads out of your asses and put something else in instead.”

 

That got Steve to blush as he looked down at his hands to avoid the gazes of the entire room.

 

Bruce nodded along with the rest of the team polishing his glasses on the silk sleeve of his shirt. “That would explain why Tony was limping across the lab the other day.”

 

“Limping?” Thor muttered and he paused before his mouth dropped open. He looked down at his vegetables murmuring to himself, “Loki limps when he comes out of the stables.”

 

Steve didn’t even want to think about that brother of Thor’s. Nope.

 

“Oh my gosh, the bruises in decontam were from you?” Clint’s eyes widened in horror at the realisation, “you guys have been bumping uglies for more than a month?”

 

Steve cringed at the word choice and even Tony’s lip curled. “I wouldn’t say bumping uglies” Tony began running his fingers through his hair, “more like two people in a committed relationship making lo-,”

 

“Oh, my god,” Clint’s hand flew up to his mouth and he groaned, “this is like finding out mom and dad are still having sex. And being romantic about it too.”

 

“I better be ‘dad’ or I’m revoking your video game priveleges,” Tony snarked as he reclaimed Steve’s hand under the table. Steve gave in to his urge to pull Tony’s fingers to his lips and place a delicate kiss to his fingertips.

 

“Can I just say that I am very happy for you two,” Bruce paused a moment to gather his thoughts as he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “I’m also sorry you guys thought you had to keep it a secret.”

 

Tony shrugged spooning stir fry into his mouth chewing thoughtfully. “Team dynamics, possible breakup, whatever,” he said swallowing, “it’s all in the past now.”

 

“Does this mean you guys are going to start being openly lovey-dovey?” A full body shiver of disgust worked its way down Clint’s spine. “I don’t think there’d be enough brain bleach in the world if I walk in on you two banging on the couch.”

 

Tony shot Steve a wry smile before his eyes flicked back to Clint’s. “If we banged on the couch you sure wouldn’t catch us.”

 

Clint gagged as Steve and Tony laughed at him. “I am not sitting on the couch until it goes through an antibacterial wash and wipe down.”

 

Thor let out a chuckle along with them as Clint pretended to vomit in the background. “Congratulations! You two are very well suited to each other.”

 

Natasha shook her head steepling her fingers over her plate. “Isn’t anyone else more concerned that we didn’t notice?”

 

“This is Tony and Steve we’re talking about,” Bruce shrugged as he shovelled another forkful of stir fry into his mouth. “Tony was able to hide palladium poisoning and Steve is just naturally gifted at everything.”

 

Pursing her lips, Natasha nodded,but as the small wrinkle appeared in her forehead again, Steve knew this wasn't over and he hoped it never would be. 

Notes:

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