Chapter Text
I had planned to tell you all of these stories myself, maybe even bring you back to the house. Though, if you're reading this... that means I never got the chance.
For a while, Jeongin was lost.
Granted, he had been lost his whole life, but now it just seemed to get worse. His mother left him, his brother committed suicide and his dad got murdered trying to save him, and yet Jeongin's heart didn't thump in sorrow and his head didn't spin because he got stuck in a loop of alcohol and drugs. Instead, Jeongin was empty, emotionally numb but physically too attached to the world around him. As much as he beat himself up for not feeling anything, he had to remind himself that it seemed to always be this way, that even before his mother, before Hyunjin, before his dad, Jeongin was emotionally incapable of feeling anything because he pushed, and pushed, and pushed emotions down until he couldn't feel anything at all.
So, he wondered. His head was clear, he knew that much, but he had absolutely no idea what he wanted out of life now. If Jeongin was any other normal human being, he would be in university, studying his absolute ass off so he could make a living, but Jeongin wasn't a normal human being. He was a high school drop out who was addicted to weed and causing havoc where ever he went. But yet, it was still quiet inside his head and everywhere else. He just went from motel to motel from city to city because that was all he knew now. Jeongin didn't quite remember how to settle down because hell, he had been on the edge of his seat his whole life wondering who was going to go next.
But now he knew he was next because he was the last one of them alive and he couldn't care less. His time would happen eventually, it was guaranteed at this point.
In the back of my head, I had told myself that I wouldn't just give you a short life lesson, I'd give you something long and meaningful that would stay with you until fate takes you as well.
"You lost, stranger?" A voice piped up beside Jeongin, that being the only sound inside the streets of Daegu aside from the scuffle of Jeongin's boots against the concrete and the occasional siren in the distance. Jeongin slowed but never stopped moving as he looked up towards the direction of the voice, seeing two figures leaned up against the wall. They both looked to be around Jeongin's age and based on the clothes the boy and girl were wearing, they were attending a nearby university that Jeongin had seen a few times walking around.
"Depends," Jisung took another drag of the joint between his lips, blowing it in their direction. The one who spoke up first, a boy around Jeongin's height with wide but sharp eyes and choppy black hair that stopped just beneath his eyebrows, laughed a bit and cocked his head to the side in wonder. It was very clear he was studying Jeongin in a way the man didn't like, but he wasn't in the mood to pick a fight that night. He just took another aggressive drag of his joint before the girl plucked it out of his hands with well-manicured fingers and took a slow drag of it.
"On?" She questioned with a low voice that sent shivers down Jeongin's spine.
"Where you're going to take me if I say yes," Jeongin murmured, eyeing the two of them wearily when they shared a look and then gazed over his shoulder. Jeongin swiveled his head around, seeing a club just across the street. "Ah," Jeongin hummed, turning back towards the two who were now splitting the joint between them. "What are your names?" The two raised their eyebrows in surprise but gazed at him expectantly. "Jeongin," Jeongin stuck his hand out loosely, ready to pull back at any moment but the girl took into her own and shook it firmly.
"I'm Lena and this is Yedam," The girl introduced themselves with a much softer tone and Jeongin felt his eyes lingering on the both of them in interest.
"Well... Lena and Yedam, I'm very much lost. Care to help me out?"
"Of course,"
But as I sit here writing this, some of the words I planned in my head for years just won't come out.
The music pumped loudly in Jeongin's ears, loud enough to cause a headache to form in his brain and now he began to understand why he doesn't go to clubs very often. Jeongin tried his best to stay with the two university students that had paid for his drinks and everything, but everything was just too hectic for him and he felt like he couldn't breathe. Jeongin broke through the crowd of sweaty bodies and managed to escape into a quieter hallway where he could lean against the hallway and catch his breath. Jeongin hadn't even realized he had slid down the wall until two pairs of legs were stood in front of him and they both kneeled down so Jeongin could properly look at the faces belonging to them. "Why are you out here, hm?" Yedam questioned, never letting the elder break eye contact.
"Too loud. Too many people," Jeongin muttered like some sort of caveman and the two in front of him spared each other a look before sparing him a much softer, fonder one. Jeongin felt both of them sit beside him, Lena curling her arms around Jeongin's bicep and resting her head on his shoulder with Yeda, rested his cheek on top of Jeongin's head, nuzzling his nose into his hair occasionally. "Can we leave?" Jeongin hushed and the two nodded, lifting Jeongin onto his feet and guiding him out of the club with pupils blown wide and trembling hands.
"How about some food, hm?" Lena questioned with a bright smile and yeah, Jeongin could really go for some food right now. So, they made their way across town, Lena and Yedam making absolute fools out of themselves just to see Jeongin crack even the faintest of smiles and Jeongin was appreciative of that. "Innie-ah! Do you want a milkshake?" Lena called out from across the diner, lips pouted cutely and eyebrows furrowed. Jeongin stopped drinking the water and looked up at her with a scowl.
'That's Innie oppa to you, brat!" Jeongin called out but Lena just snickered and crossed her arms over her chest challengingly. "And yes. I want a strawberry milkshake," Yedam's eyes lit up at that answer while Lena scoffed and shook her head in mock disgust.
"Thank you! She thinks strawberry milkshakes are disgusting!" Yedam exclaimed with an appalled tone that was a bit too loud but all Jeongin could do was giggle when Lena huffed as she practically slammed the two shakes on the table.
"Because they are, ice brain," Lena spat but planted a kiss to Jeongin's cheek, "You still have hope, Oppa. You're not an ice brain yet," Lena reassured but Jeongin just shook his head.
"Nah, at this rate I'll probably end up being the other half of him," Jeongin uttered, pointing his unwrapped straw in Yedam's direction, but a glimmer of mischief flashed in the younger's eyes.
"She hates to admit it, but she's my other half so... perhaps you can become the third," Yedam murmured and Jeongin felt his breath catch in his throat. Especially when he felt his foot go up the side of Jeongin's leg and Lena curled her arms around his torso to pepper kisses into his jawline. It took a few owlish blinks and audible gulps from the eldest of the trio before Jeongin actually responded with words.
"I guess we'll just have to see won't we?"
I guess I could start with what I had planned.
Was it supposed to be like this? Probably not, but nothing about Jeongin's life was normal and this really seemed like nothing compared to absolutely everything he's heard over the years. Even as they laugh, smile and make fools of themselves through the night, running through the streets and causing havoc, this felt so ungodly nice that Jeongin didn't want it to end.
Even after they arrived back to Jeongin's rundown apartment, even after the adrenaline began to kick in, even after Yedam and Lena realized how touch starved Jeongin was, even after everything just became a little more real, Jeongin didn't want this to end because they made him feel good. For the first time, in a very long time, Jeongin felt a spark of emotion in his chest, a silent whisper of what was to come.
I didn't want much, I just wanted to see something beautiful... I wanted to get a place for myself, maybe get a cat and name him Minho, and find a job that I loved
A joint dangled from Jeongin's swollen, slightly paint stained lips as the sun beamed in from the wall of windows and down onto Jeongin's bare shoulders. A paintbrush was held firmly in his palm, painting thick, opaque blue paint across the white canvas on the floor between his legs. He tried his best not to get too entranced by the sight of Yedam and Lena dancing to the playlist of songs Jeongin made with Chan so long ago, (all from american 40's music that Chan claimed was Seungmin's favorite genre of music and commonly played before Felix died) and focus on his painting.
"Innie! Join us!" Yedam called out with a whine, Lena following with a slight squeal as she kneeled down to the ground next to Jeongin and smother his cheek in kisses. Jeongin made loud noises of protest, trying his best to squirm out of her tight grip but he was all smiles and giggles the whole time. Suddenly, Yedam was coming up behind him and dragging him away from his painting, but Jeongin was quick to raise his brush and swipe some blue paint across Yedam's cheek causing everyone to go silent.
"Oh, it's so on," Yedam hissed, grabbing for Jeongin's other paint brushes, coating one of them in red and the other in green and handing the red brush to Lena. And then they were chasing each other around the apartment and making an absolute mess, but that wasn't exactly uncommon when it came to them. "Get back here, Lena!" Yedam screeched as he chased the poor girl back into the bedroom and Jeongin froze.
"Don't get paint on my sheets!" Jeongin screeched out of slight fear, but he could only hear the two snickering at his proclamation.
"We have to wash the sheets anyway! It'll be fine!" Lena called out suddenly and Jeongin slumped back down to the floor to continue his painting, no matter how gross he felt with all the paint all over him. And then they came padding out, mixed with blue and green with only tiny splotches of red on them. Jeongin... Jeongin was covered in red and when he caught himself in the reflection of the window, he froze. All the images from that night with his dad... all the blood. "Jeongin? Are you okay?" Lena inquired once she noticed his current, frazzled state, but Jeongin didn't even acknowledge her. His attention was focused on his appearance in the shiny window of his run down apartment but his head was far more wild, far darker.
Yedam approached Jeongin without another thought, speeding up when he saw the younger begin to shed one tear. But one tear turned into two, and two tears turned into four, and four tears turned into eight, and then they wouldn't stop and Jeongin felt like he couldn't breathe again. They always said that when a person dies, the first thing you forget was their voice, and Jeongin believed that wholeheartedly. He could no longer hear his dad's sermons or Hyunjin's laugh ringing in his ear. "Sh, sh, sh, it's okay, It's okay," Yedam whispered in Jeongin's ears, holding him close but Jeongin just kept shaking his head furiously and muttering something about blood. That's when they realized and Lena rushed Yedam to the bathroom with Jeongin in his arms.
Jeongin didn't really remember this, but he can still feel Yedam's fingers on his skin rubbing the warm water into the red pigment to get it out while Lena scrubbed at his scalp with her peppermint shampoo that both Jeongin and Yedam had fallen in love with over the time that they all had been staying there. The only thing he really remembers was watching the pink water swirl down the drain until it was clear and Yedam carrying him to a freshly changed and made bed where they smothered him in love in hopes of getting him to calm down. As far Jeongin was aware, it worked pretty well and he truly felt loved in the arms of his two best friends.
...but then I found out about you.
Jeongin didn't know where everything started going wrong again. They were a trio, a group of three that did everything together. Not because they felt obligated to, but because they wanted to, and yet everything just seemed to... change.
Granted, Jeongin was a lot to handle, and he knew that, he really did, but they always reassured him that they could handle it. That they loved him for who he was and nothing would ever change that. Though of course, that didn't seem to be the truth and Jeongin really should have seen it coming. He should have remembered the family he came from, the curse he had been burdened with from the very beginning. But instead, he was now sat on the couch in his run-down apartment staring at the painting of that one fateful day they all had the best time of their life with tears rolling down his cheeks.
It had been almost a year since he had seen either of them, having left in the middle of the night after they got into an argument with Jeongin. Jeongin didn't even hear them leave, only woke up the next morning in an empty bed and all of their things gone, out of the picture, and Jeongin curled up in a ball and cried for five hours straight in the middle of his lounge.
Jeongin was staring at the balcony with a look of absolute longing, just wanting to end all the pain, all the trauma right then and there so he didn't have to burden any of his kids with this godforsaken curse and he could finally be with the rest of his family but...
Then there was a knock on the door.
I realized the minute that you showed up on my doorstep that night with a note claiming that you were mine that those plans would never quite pan out as I wanted them to.
Jeongin opened the door with slight aggression, huffing in anger when he saw nothing and just thought it was those dumb fucking kids from downstairs that insisted on making his life a living hell. So, it was understandable why he could have just walked away after slamming the door shut but his eyes flickered down to the ground and caught sight of a small basket with a whimpering baby inside, swaddled in blankets with his arms waving around in the air. "Holy fuck," Jeongin whispered, kneeling down to hold the baby close to his chest in a protective manner, but caught sight of two slips of paper, one was a birth certificate and the other was yellow, lined paper with familiar handwriting on top.
Jeongin sighed, nudging the basket into his apartment with a huff and closing the door softly behind him as to not upset the baby in his arms by any degree. So, Jeongin walked to his bedroom while kicking the basket over to it as well, and lowered the baby onto the mattress, making sure to swaddle it in the blankets on top before sitting down to read everything.
Dear Jeongin,
I know this may seem a bit unexpected, but he's yours. We weren't going to tell you because we didn't want to burden you, but after we did a DNA test and we found out he definitely wasn't Yedam's we figured you at least needed to know.
However, we need you to take care of him. He won't be fit for us, and as much as we would have said otherwise a few months ago, you're far more stable than the rest of us to take care of a child.
Please love him with your whole heart, he's a sweet kid.
We're sorry for hurting you and I hope you know that no matter what, we're going to always love you,
-L & Y
Attached, was his birth certificate, Yang Jeongwoo written in fine print across the side and ironically enough, Lena didn't sign her name on the birth certificate, and what was the first thing Jeongin did? Sign it. He grabbed a pen from the cup and signed it without another thought because he knew he needed Jeongwoo in his life. Jeongwoo was his little angel, and nothing would change that. "Guess you're stuck with me, little one," Jeongin hushed, pulling the baby back into his arms and prodding at his puffy cheeks lightly. Jeongwoo just giggled.
But I wouldn't change it for the world.
"Hey now, what did I say about running off?" Jeongin snapped playfully when Jeongwoo attempted to dart towards the kid's section in goodwill but Jeongin caught his wrist before he could get very far. The eight-year-old pouted up at his father, crossing his arms over his chest and sinking back into his father's tall, warm figure. This wasn't an act of control, but out of somewhat fear. Jeongwoo was known for his tendencies to wander without telling his dad where he was going so Jeongin had to keep him within leash range 25/8. "We'll go to the kid's section soon, but we have to find some clothes for you to wear to school first," Jeongin ruffled his son's hair and Jeongwoo nodded his head in understanding. Jeongin let Jeongwoo's wrist go to nudge him along and the eight-year-old went jogging off towards the clothes racks.
"Dad!" Jeongwoo exclaimed from behind him suddenly, Jeongin turning back to him in question. Jeongwoo held up two shirts, one having sharks and the other lizards, "Which one?" Jeongin tapped his lip in thought before smiling wildly.
"Try them both on, love," Jeongin explained before whirling back around to sift through the racks for a pair of jeans. Occasionally, Jeongwoo would grab Jeongin's attention with another shirt or a hat of some sort, but this time, Jeongin called him over, "Come here, love. Let me hold these up to you," Jeongwoo didn't hesitate to trail over to his dad, letting the man hold the jeans up to him to see if there was a chance of them not being too big and hummed in pride when they seemed like the perfect fit. "Perfect," Jeongin hummed, guiding the small boy over to the dressing rooms.
Jeongwoo ended up getting both shirts and the jeans fit perfectly but Jeongwoo seemed so... upset for some reason, "What's up, love?" Jeongin inquired when they began to walk to the kid's section, and Jeongwoo looked up at his dad with a pout.
"Some of the other kids... they're so mean, dad," Jeongwoo whimpered and Jeongin felt his heart sink to his chest. He had to go through some shit while he was in school too, never quite to the extent that his brother did, but he knew that it hurt to be teased. Jeongin sunk down so he could cradle his son's face in his hands, "They saw us walking out of here... they-they tore up some of my clothes and wrote mean things all over my worksheets -" Jeongin immediately tugged Jeongwoo's head into his shoulder and held him close.
"Love, people like that won't make it very far in life. Have you retaliated in any way?"
"No..."
"That's good, baby. Always be the bigger man. Just move on and go because I know you and I know you're going to make it big one day with your short stories. You're going to be a writer and you're going to publish all of these little stories I've told you over the years," Jeongin reassured, poking Jeongwoo's chest lightly, "I know it may seem hard right now considering I can't give you what you want all the time, but I love you. That's something I can always give you," But then Jeongin's stomach churned and everything come back to his mind, all of it, and all Jeongin could do was hold Jeongwoo tight.
"Dad... Are you okay?" Jeongwoo whispered.
"I'm fine, baby. Just never stop loving yeah? You're my little love bug," Jeongwoo nodded furiously in confirmation, watching his father get back up on his own two feet and ruffle his son's hair, "Go pick out a stuffy punk," Jeongin knew he had to go back to the house.
I don't know what 's going to happen to me, or how I'm going to die, none of us ever did, and I'm okay with that. If you're reading this then that means I'm dead, and I want you to understand something.
Standing before the very house that Jeongin had grown up in before his whole life went to absolute shit was daunting. It seemed to live and breathe a feeling of unsettlement, a feeling that let you know that what you found in this house would not be what you were expecting. All the stories, all the memories from before were breathing out in thick waves that brushed through Jeongin's hair. He had to remind himself that everybody who walked through this house was dead, and that he was the last one left, and Jeongin had an epiphany. Was the house the curse? Was the house the big bad monster his dad ran from his whole life?
And then all those times Chan described the house to be its own entity flashed to mind and Jeongin smiled.
"Is it my time as well?"
Yes, the house breathed.
"Ok," and then Jeongin was gone within the next breath.
The hardest, but the most useful lesson this curse will teach you is how to let go, and I want you to go out there and live your life. I want you to go out there and fall in love with something without the curse playing a major part in your life. It is just an end goal, not an entire lifespan.
Time is precious, and for us, time is not as wasteful as it would be for anyone else.
So, go out there and love, because life is so worth loving.