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It had been a pretty huge secret, how he had even come this far and pulled it off without tipping off Dan was actually astounding, and he wasn’t sure how much longer he was going to be able to make it before the surprise would be ultimately ruined.
He had originally planned for it to happen in Japan. He loved Japan, Dan loved Japan, but it seemed like his own anxious energy combined with a very pesky petrol bill that had come in from the tour bus company was going to get in the way of that.
He wasn’t proposing, but it was nearly 9 years since they first met up in Manchester and Dan had wanted a Cartier love ring. Phil had to admit this was a pretty expensive ring, but he loved to buy things for Dan, always had. When they were younger and had a fraction of the money they had now he loved personalized gifts that he’d spend hours on the internet or in shops searching for, things only Dan would love. It was the hunt and the light bulbs of inspiration he would get in the middle of the night, or during conversations that he would file away, sometimes for months, that he lived for. Over time the gifts became less in amount but higher in expense. Some were selfish gifts he would gift because he knew they could share them together, and some he absolutely hated like cheese flavored popcorn that he simply got because Dan loved it. Over time it became more difficult to get things for Dan because he was able to get things for himself. He no longer needed Phil to provide for him in the same way he once did. They were a matched game. Dan liked expensive things, and it was rare for him to not just go out and order a shirt off the Alexander McQueen website, or buy an expensive scented candle. Phil had to admit he had also become hard to shop for. This particular gift though was something Dan wouldn’t buy for himself, an expense that was too great, and Phil honestly couldn’t wait to buy it for him.
He never thought their bunks would be a blessing. It was the worst part about the bus. He originally thought the worst part would be not sharing a bed with Dan. If he were to be honest though he didn’t mind the space away from Dan, and Dan needed space away from Phil. It was a time to reset from spending the other 16 hours (if they were lucky enough to get eight hours of sleep) right next to each other. They were in fact introverts, and they needed just a few moments apart to recharge their batteries. Of course he did miss the time with Dan, and hotels were all but a gift from God himself. No, the worst part was how incredibly uncomfortable his bunk was. The mattress couldn’t have been more than 15 cm thick and left about 15 cm at the end of his body so if he relaxed his feet they touched the hard wall. He felt bad for Dan who was in fact about three centimeters taller than him and broader in the shoulders, it couldn’t have been much better.
On this particular day though it came in handy because Phil asked Martyn to set an alarm for himself and then come and wake him up so he work out the final details before Dan woke up. Because their bunks were so close, if Phil set an alarm loud enough to wake him he knew for certain Dan would have woken up and he could not have that this particular morning. At 7:30 he awoke to a flood of light and his bleary eyed brother shaking his shoulder to wake him. They would soon be in LA and he had been in contact with Lauren who was on their Merch team who he had very politely asked to pick up the ring from the Cartier store. It was a white gold three diamond ring from the love collection that Dan had pointed out to him on a number of occasions and had once even put into an online shopping cart before deciding it was too expensive. He moved to the back of the bus where the lounge was, closing the small partition and called Jessica, a sales representative whom he had been emailing for the past month about ordering the ring. He told her this was the only available time he would have to speak to her on the phone the day of, which was true. If Dan saw Phil seriously talking to someone on the phone, he would no doubt ask who it was, even if just casually. He dialed the number and a very happy and studious woman picked up the phone.
“Hello Philip Lester, thank you for calling me this morning about the final details on the ring.” He felt a little silly being referred to as Philip. He knew how to handle himself professionally, but speaking to someone at a very nice jewelry store where likely celebrities made transactions made him feel somewhat like a celebrity, which if he looked at his current surroundings, he kind of felt like one. He decided just this once to play along.
“Yes, thank you for calling me at such an early hour. I need to use the utmost discretion when purchasing the ring, so I will be sending over my friend Laura to pick up and pay for it,” and he ran a hand through his hair trying not to laugh at himself like he knew Dan would be right now.
“Not a problem Mr. Lester, we have the white gold love ring with three diamonds here ready for Laura to pick up. An invoice has already been sent to you of $3,993 via your email. All of the documentation such as your insurance as well as the price in British Pounds and a list of our locations near your home address will be given to your friend. We recommend you take the ring in for cleaning to one of your local locations every six months,” she said happily.
“Thank you, she will be there around 12:30 to pick it up, and will have my UK Identification Card with her.”
“Perfect, it has been a pleasure doing business with you sir, have a wonderful day, and if you have any further questions do not hesitate to call or email me.”
Later that Day Phil was telling Dan that Martyn had a question about the march and he even had a text from Martyn to prove it right in the middle of Dan steaming his voice. Dan just shooed him away with his phone in his hand and the nebulizer still in his mouth. It was all to easy for Phil to hand over his ID to Laura and she was hopping on an Uber on her way to the store which was not too far from their location with a very thankful Phil squeezing her tightly. He knew she had got the ring and tucked everything safely in the left side of his blue suitcase when she sent him a text saying the merch is doing great tonight, and he finally felt like he could breathe again.
It had now been two weeks and he was jumping out of his skin with the knowledge that he had the ring, made no better by Dan showing it to him once again on their long flight to Melbourne. While in their hotel Dan got the email that almost gave Phil an actual heart attack.
“Hey Phil, come look at this,” he called concerned while Phil was brushing his teeth. He walked over tooth brush in his mouth and placed his left hand on the back of the chair Dan was seated in as he began to read. He just about spat his toothpaste onto Dan’s head.
“MmmmHmm?” Was the only noise that came out of his mouth.
“Right! Why did we get the petrol bill. Wasn’t this supposed to go to the financial advisor? Should we pay them, and then send it over? I will have to check our account to see if we have enough, we may need to transfer more money for this bill. We have it in Pounds, but I don’t know what we currently have in dollars. I haven't checked in a while because we haven't had to pay a bill this large, and I know we have enough in dollars for coffee and things like that, but this is almost $12,000. I am just going to pull up our account and see-“ and Phil cut him off with a screech and then grabbed his arms. “What?” Dan asked affronted, and Phil just held his hand in the air for Dan to wait. He knew that if Dan looked at their account the first thing to show would be a large purchase of almost $4,000 from Cartier and he did not need that surprise ruined right now. He all about ran to the bathroom tripping over the corner of a suitcase and rinsed his mouth.
“Dan this shouldn’t be our responsibility, especially at 11:30 PM. Lets send this email to the financial advisor and he can go through the funds and work it out that way. I don’t want to take money out of our personal account before we know if we will get it back or not,” and he honestly surprised himself with how quickly he was able to come up with a white lie.
“Yeah, okay. I just want to go to bed anyway, I am so happy we don’t have to be in a bunk or an airplane seat. I can actually fully flex my feet.” Phil let out a long breath he hadn't known he'd been holding.
Two days later they were on Stadbrook Island with Martyn and Cornelia. It was lovely. They had taken a fairy to the Island and Phil had managed to not get sick. Martin had rented a car, and they managed to not die. They landed themselves on a beautiful ledge overlooking the sea with Kangaroos and Dolphins and it was nice. It was nice to have a moment away from the tour, away from their phones, and together. It was easy to pretend for a few hours that they were simply on holiday.
Cornelia was given the task of holding the ring. She was the one with a purse and Dan was sure to see it, and Phil was sure to loose it if he kept it in his pocket. As their trip on the island was winding down however Martyn was quick to busy Dan with more talk about Dolphins and Cornelia was quick to pass the ring back off to Phil who placed in his jean jacket pocket as well as both his hands.
“Mar, I think I forgot something back at the car, want to come with me?” Cornelia called giving a wink to Phil.
“Oi, Cornelia, always forgetting things,” Martyn said as an aside to Dan and then followed to catch up with her as she had began walking away.
“I don’t know what Martyn would do if he had to live with you again, Cornelia literally never forgets things in comparison,” he said bumping Phil’s shoulder with his own before lacing his arm through Phil’s.
“I very clearly remember you losing your visa in the bus last week, and me being the true Hufflepuff I am scouted it out for you,” Phil said pushing into Dan and making him stumble a little. He was leading them down the hill to the beach.
“You’re going to knock me down this hill and then you’re going to have to do this show alone you know,” he said offensively but contradicted it by placing his head on Phil’s shoulder for a moment.
“You ever think how crazy this is? Next year will be ten years. My first subscriber was an Australian guy, and here I am in Australia with you, on a world tour. I made a video on a cereal box camera. If I never made videos I would have never met you. That is the craziest part.” They had made it to the beach and Phil sat down in the sand.
“I am happy you made videos. For all of the crazy things that have happened, for all the bad, I would have never done any of the things we have. I just think about Jamaica. That was so early in our careers. The fact that we can even say careers,” Dan let out a breath. “I remember thinking how beautiful it was, and how I got to be there with you. I thought that was going to be the peak. I thought I had made it. I was so wrong. I am on an Australian Island in the middle of winter because we are upside down and i'm still doing it all with you.” He laid his head back on Phil’s shoulder and they continued to look at the waved that rolled out and back in. There was silence for a minute and then Phil spoke again.
“There are times I wish we would have stopped our careers in Manchester. When I am sad, and I am sick of all the stuff going on with social media and keeping up with schedules, and just everything I think back and I wonder what it would have been like if we just quit and built a life right there being editors for other people, or doing something that wasn’t so much in the public just so I could have you more to myself, but then I stop and think about all of this and being here and all the things we can do because of how hard we have worked and continue to keep working, and I am so happy I never stopped,” and it was true. There were times he wished they could live normal lives, but he wasn't even sure what normal was anymore.
“You’ve never told me that before.” Dan looked at him, and Phil was still looking at the ocean and he gently pulled his face over to meet his. Phil just smiled at him and kissed the worry off his face.
“This is our normal lives. I don’t want a normal life, if it would have meant me never meeting you. If it meant me never reaching outside myself and moving to London. If it meant never getting to see all of this with you. I never want to live my life without you,” and he grabbed Dan’s jaw gently and kissed him again.
“I don’t ever want to live without you,” Dan said barely above a whisper.
“I got you something, it is something I would have never been able to get you if we didn’t live the lives we do right now, or at least it probably would have taken me longer to get you. It is my way of saying I love you, and I don’t want to live without you, and I will always take care of you,” and he could barely finish his sentence because of the huge grin he had on his face.
“Phil what did you do? You know I hate surprises. Is that why Martyn and Cornelia haven’t came back because I was starting to think they left us,” and he looked back in the direction of the car and by the time he was looking back Phil had a dark red velvet box in his hand. “Phil what on earth have you done?” He asked shocked.
“You know how I freaked a little off that petrol bill, well I had a reason why I didn’t want you looking at our bank account,” he was laughing now. He slowly opened the box and there it was, a white gold Cartier three diamond love ring.
“Phil,” Dan whispered. “You didn’t.”
“I did.” Dan’s hands were covering his mouth and Phil carefully grabbed his right wrist and slipped the ring on his ring finger. “It means I love you. You can wear it all the time, or just sometimes and I don’t care if you wear it in videos and we can just not say a word about it. Only me and you will know.”
“How did you get this Phil, we have been together 24/7, and it's not like we have been anywhere long enough for them to deliver it somewhere?” He was flexing his hand out and watching it catch the light.
“Laura, Martyn, and a lot of emails to a sales woman called Jessica. It is the right one I hope?” He was actually a little nervous now.
“Yes, it is perfect. Thank you!” Dan grabbed his face and kissed him and Phill could feel the cool metal against his skin and he couldn’t wait until one day that metal would be on the left hand and he would have the same, but for now this was enough, a promise for forever.