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Liv storms up the spiral staircase, only pausing on the landing, taking a moment to calm down. Aaron’s downstairs washing up without a clue. Thinking she’s jealous of Seb somehow. As if she would be.
She’s about to go up to her room and stick her earphones in until tea time, when she hears a babbling noise down the hall that means Seb’s awake. She diverts from her original course and goes to find him. He’ll be a distraction at least.
Liv pushes open the door to Robert and Aaron’s room and turns on the light. There’s a few ties strewn about, and Aaron’s left his socks on the floor. It’s funny really. Robert’s always trying to clear up, but Aaron’s like her, a total mess. Robert’s always having miniature breakdowns over Aaron’s inability to ever put his magazines away.
Seb, who’s sitting in his cot at the end of the bed, hears the door creep open and turns towards it inquisitively. He has the same sad little look to him as always. Liv thinks he’s starting to get a personality now. It’s better than before, when he was younger, only crying and pooing. Liv thinks he seems thoughtful. A bit serious. Sometimes shy.
She supposes it’s not surprising he’s got that slightly glum (but admittedly cute) look to him. His mum’s upped and left him, and he’s already lost an aunt and a grandad.
“Don’t worry, it’s only me,” Liv assures him quietly, approaching the cot. As she does so she turns off the baby monitor. The last thing she wants is Aaron hearing everything she says. If he doesn’t know what today is, then she’s not giving him any hints.
Seb looks up at her with his big blue eyes, watching Liv intently. Today he’s wearing a little t-shirt and shorts that Aaron picked out for him last time they went shopping in town. It’s pretty ugly, Liv reckons, which is probably why he’s been dressed in it today, when he’s got nowhere to go. It’s a green top that says ‘Mr Cheeky Monkey’ on it, with a cartoon of a smiling monkey on the front. As awful as it is, Liv has to admit it’s sweet to see him in it. Aaron might have really bad taste when it comes to clothes, but he bought it with love.
Seb juts out his lower lip, wondering why Liv is here to see him. He senses he might be about to have a chance at escaping from his cot (something Aaron and Robert don’t usually let him do when he’s supposed to be having a nap), giving a tiny excited wriggle.
“Trust me,” Liv sighs, leaning on the side of his cot. “You don’t know how good you’ve got it right now. No worries. No stress. Just sleeping, eating, and, well, you know.”
Seb flexes his tiny fingers, an odd gesture he’s taken up recently that shows he’s listening.
“You get to my age and it sucks. Just you wait. It’s a total nightmare. Although you’ll probably be pretty smart, what with Robert as your dad. Bet he never messed up his GCSEs. And I bet his family never forgot about it either.”
Seb makes a noise Liv reads as sympathetic. He lifts up his hands to be carried, rather imperiously. He hardly ever gets denied that, after all. Nobody can resist that little face except from Robert, who’s more of a strict parent than Aaron is, reading baby books and trying to do everything right.
Liv couldn’t resist picking Seb up even before she’d made her mind up to try and get along with him, back in the days where he was just some kid of Robert’s she was determined not to get attached to. It’s strange to think of that time now. She’s got used to having Seb around, a tiny ally against Robert and Aaron when she rows with them.
“Come on then,” Liv says, picking him up and settling Seb on her hip. He snuggles in, pleased to be out of his cot.
“So I failed them all,” Liv explains, rocking Seb slightly. “Guess I should have known I would, but I just thought… I dunno. I worked pretty hard, all things considered.”
Liv looks around for a toy for Seb to play with. She reaches into his cot and picks up a squishy cube with different colours on each side. It feels a bit damp, which means Seb’s probably been chewing it. She gives it to him, and as expected, the corner goes right into his mouth. Robert says he’s teething.
She sits down on Robert and Aaron’s bed and puts Seb safely on her lap.
“I know I was inside for a while, but I did have a tutor there. He was all right. Said I was smart. But he was wrong. Knew he was. They just say that to make ya think you can make something of yourself.”
Seb almost drops his cube, but Liv catches it for him, without really thinking, handing it back. Seb gurgles his thanks before chewing on it again. Liv wipes her drool-covered hand on her jeans.
“I tried really hard. That’s the worst bit. I actually tried.”
Liv remembers really knuckling down back when she was inside. Not at first. To start with she’d done nothing but drink and dwell on the mess she’d made of her life, but after a while, she’d honestly done her best to catch up. Maybe she is thick after all? Liv knows that’s what her classmates think of her. That she’s some stupid frigid alky.
Seb twists on Liv’s lap and turns his head to stare up at her. He claps his hands for attention, dropping his cube again, but this time not caring. It’s probably ridiculous (considering babies are dependent on pretty much everyone), but Liv likes that Seb looks at her like that. Like all he sees is someone he likes taking care of him, not some failure. He’s definitely smarter than most babies.
He makes a little noise and waits to be praised. Robert and Aaron both do that now, when he babbles at them. Aaron does it especially. He agrees with everything Seb says like they’re having some conversation. It’s actually pretty funny.
“Yeah, good,” Liv agrees, following Aaron’s lead, which seems to please Seb. He goes to do it again, happy with his efforts, but gives a sudden sneeze which makes him screw his face up, and then look mortally betrayed afterwards, like he can’t believe his own little body just did that.
He stares up at Liv with surprise and deep offence, nose dribbling. Liv reaches into her pocket for a tissue and wipes it for him. Seb doesn’t cringe back from the gesture. He likes being made a fuss of.
“Aaron and Rob are totally preoccupied,” Liv chatters away. “With you, actually. They want to adopt ya. Well, Aaron does. Rob wouldn’t need to, would he? They’re looking into it, looking online and stuff. I dunno how it works, but I guess if Rebecca doesn’t come back-“
Liv stops herself immediately. She knows she must be imagining it, because there’s no way Seb can understand, but he looks sad. His little head dropping forward slightly.
“Anyway, you’ve got us,” Liv says quickly, placing a quick kiss on Seb’s head. She doesn’t do that when Aaron and Robert are there because she knows she’d get teased, but it’s okay when it’s just the two of them. “Your dad, and Aaron, who’s practically your other dad, and me. Auntie Liv. Total failure.”
Seb snuggles in for a cuddle, resting his head back against Liv’s chest.
“Gabby’s passed them all. Knew she would. She doesn’t even have to revise. She just gets stuff.”
Liv screws up her nose, pausing. It smells very much like Seb’s left her a present.
“Seb, you stink,” Liv complains, lifting him up. Sure enough his little shorts are dragging slightly, which unfortunately for her means he needs a new nappy. “Shall we change ya? See, that’s what a good aunt I am. Not many aunts would change your gross nappies. Where’s the Pampers?”
Liv carries Seb into the ensuite and finds the changing mat already out on the side. She changes him quickly, since she’s used to it by now. Unless he’s been up in the night, Seb’s usually pretty good for her. He doesn’t flail his arms out or get grizzly like he tends to do with Robert.
“There ya go. Good as new,” Liv declares, picking Seb back up again. She carries him back into the bedroom and decides to put him down in the middle of Robert and Aaron’s bed. It’s big enough that there’s no danger of him toppling off, and Seb seems to like that spot. Liv gathers some pillows and sets them down around him, just to be sure. It’s what Aaron does when he’s looking after Seb. She’s about to stop when Seb makes a demanding noise. He reaches out his hands and pouts.
“You want your giraffe?” Liv correctly guesses, hunting it out. It’s on the floor next to Seb’s cot. She presumes Seb has flung him over the bars at some point. He tends to do that a lot these days. A few days back he lobbed it at Lachlan and Aaron had to apologise. Liv wishes she’d been there to see that. Apparently it got him right in the face. “Here ya go.”
Seb holds onto it delightedly. It’s by far his favourite toy. Aaron once tried to pry it away from him to put it in the washing machine, and Seb screamed the place down.
Liv settles beside him on her side, elbow on the bed so she can rest her head against her hand and keep an eye on him.
“I’m not gonna tell them unless they ask,” Liv explains. “I’m gonna look like a failure anyway, like I’m thick. Even though they’ll say I’m not.”
Liv’s phone rings in her pocket. Seb looks around him for the source of the noise, so she takes it out and shows him, pointing at the screen. It’s Gabby calling, but she turns the phone off.
She’s sure Seb looks at her with disapproval, a frown appearing on his face, little pale brows furrowed. He looks so much like Robert that Liv laughs.
“She’ll want to know how I did,” Liv explains, putting her phone away again. “Guess I should be glad at least someone’s bothered. Aaron even asked me to help at the scrapyard this morning. Didn’t have a clue. And I thought Rob might remember. He usually does with this sort of thing.”
Seb goes back to playing with his giraffe, and Liv pats him lightly on the back.
“Reckon you’re gonna end up being the brain box of the family. If you are, and you end up making a mint out there and running Home Farm or whatever, don’t forget me, okay? I’ve got your back as long as you want, but it looks like I might need you to have mine one day too. You and all your Home Farm cash, I mean you’re gonna inherit a lot when you’re older. I only mean to lend though, obviously. I’d pay ya back. I wouldn’t just take cash from family.”
Seb turns to Liv, looks up at her, and offers her his giraffe, the picture of earnest generosity.
“You keep him,” Liv says, and Seb hugs the giraffe again. “Maybe Aaron’ll take me on at the scrapyard properly? Or I could go to work at the vets with Paddy? Or work in the Woolpack? Probably end up cleaning toilets at this rate.”
All in all, the future’s looking bleak. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with working at the scrapyard. Liv’s proud of Aaron for having a business, and he’s great at what he does, but it’s not what she wants. She wouldn’t be happy doing that.
“Or I could get Aaron and Rob to pay me to babysit ya. That’s win-win isn’t it? I get to spend time with you, and I get cash and all.”
Seb sneezes again and almost topples over, confused. Liv reaches out to wipe his nose for a second time. She doesn’t mind the snotty tissue. She would if it was anyone else, any other baby, but this is Seb so it’s fine. He’s not all that gross considering.
After a while Seb starts to whine a bit, the first signs of a bad temper setting in. It means he’s tired, and so Liv scoops him up. She holds him with one hand and puts the cushions back with the other, so Aaron and Robert don’t moan at her for interrupting Seb’s nap time.
“Well, thanks for the chat,” Liv says, as she carefully places Seb back in his cot and arranges both his cube and his giraffe on either side of him. She puts his blue blanket over him to keep him warm.
Seb yawns, watching Liv with tired eyes, already starting to blink shut. Liv imagines he looks more peaceful now than when she found him.
“Glad you’re here,” Liv says, stroking his hair.
Seb yawns in return and closes his eyes.
Quietly, Liv turns the baby monitor back on, and switches off the light. When she goes out to the hall she can hear that Aaron’s still washing up. She could go down and talk to him now, while he’s on his own…
No. Better not. Instead, Liv goes to her own bedroom and closes the door behind her.