Actions

Work Header

the phantom thieves' ultimate group chat

Chapter 2: pancake sex

Summary:

dick eating and pancake fetishes go hand in hand like a pair of gloves

Notes:

name refresher

since you don't have a pancake fetish ur not the best - Ren Akiyama
I COULD KILL YOU WITH THESE HEELS - Ann Takamaki
Questionable Art - Yusuke Kitagawa
gremlin memelord - Futaba Sakura

Chapter Text

Morgana: Speaking of Akechi he has been acting weird…

 

Ryuji Sakamoto: dude he is always weird wtf do you mean

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: and since when does that bitch have a pancake fetish?

 

Ryuji Sakamoto: yeah bro that is seriously like the weirdest shit. How does that work? Does he like shove pancakes up his ass or smth

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: Probably or like he sees a pancake covered in syrup and goes “MMMmMmmm yes” and like adds his own syrup

 

Ryuji Sakamoto: bro how hard do you think pancakes make him. do you think that like different types make a difference? maybe chocolate chip make him like really turned on

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: @Goro Akechi get your questionable ass online so i can interrogate you like sae interrogated my fucking hot ass

 

Morgana: ...Please don’t answer that. Anyways, he is acting strange… maybe he is scheming something?

 

Ryuji Sakamoto: BRO DO YOU THINK HE IS SCHEMING TO LIKE HAVE A PANCAKE ORGY

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: THIS IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT. WE NEED TO STOP THIS MAD MAN AND TA KE HIS HEART

 

Ryuji Sakamoto: BRO WE NEED TO HAVE A STRATEGY MEETING FOR THIS. WHAT IF HE USES BLUEBERRY PANCAKES. WHAT IF HE MAKES US EAT HIS SPECIAL SYRUP BROOOOOOOOO

 

Morgana: IF YOU DON’T STOP THIS I WILL BLOCK YOU BOTH

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: THEN YOU CAN’T TELL ME TO GO TO BED H A

 

Morgana: GODDAMNIT REN

 

Ryuji Sakamoto: BRO WE NEED TO STAY UP ALL NIGHT TO STOP HIM. ALSO TO PISS OFF MORGANA. MOSTLY TO STOP AKECHI THOUGH

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: my place? ;))))

 

Morgana: what the fuck Ren

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: i was just thinking along with stopping akechi…

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: we could…

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: do something REAL wet…

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: by watering my succulents! :)

 

Ryuji Sakamoto: We could also train together and get all hot and sweaty! Great idea bro!

 

Ryuji Sakamoto: I dont know wtf morgana was thinking though

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: he was probably thinking i had akechi’s pancake fetish and wanted to cook them with you :(

 

Morgana: you know what you did. Im not leaving you two alone after that ren. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID.

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: :) i have access to the knives. :)))

 

Morgana: I would rather die than have sleeping ruined. Sleeping is my only joy in life.

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: OKAY but BOYS. Ryuji in particular.

 

Ryuji Sakamoto: bro wtf are you guys talking about. Does morgana think we will like hold hands or smth?

 

Morgana: I don’t care about that. YOU WILL NOT RUIN SLEEP. I will risk my life for sleep

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best has changed Morgana to Sleeping Fetish

 

Sleeping Fetish: Excuse me?????

 

Ryuji Sakamoto: bro wait i have an even better idea

 

Ryuji Sakamoto has changed Sleeping Fetish to stricter than my real parents

 

Ryuji Sakamoto: bro do you get it? pretty clever right bro

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: morgana is hissing rn

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: also when have your parents been strict? Did i just get amnesia again

 

Ryuji Sakamoto: when i failed my exams obviusly… bro did you not know that??? BRO HOW COULD YOU

 

stricter than my real parents: Ryuji I will literally force you to study. Just because you are phantom thief doesn’t mean you are excused from school.

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: since when did makoto come online lmao

 

Ryuji Sakamoto: true bro… also thanks for proving my point lol

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: Ryuji needs to have a special name

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: change your name B R O

 

stricter than my real parents: May I? I do want revenge.

 

Ryuji Sakamoto: go ahead bro i doubt you could even surprise me

 

stricter than my real parents has changed Ryuji Sakamoto to FUCK ADULTS

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: omg accurate

 

FUCK ADULTS: bro is that supposed to be offense. I will literally go into a crowd and scream fuck adults if i feel like it

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: Please do

 

FUCK ADULTS: only if you come with me bro

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: of course anything for my bro friend bro

 

FUCK ADULTS: i just went next to the crowded road and screamed fuck adults… i think someone recorded and uploaded it to youtube

 

FUCK ADULTS: BRO I DONT WANT TO BE A MEME

 

FUCK ADULTS: I DONT WANT TO BE KNOWN FOR THIS HELP ME MY BROFECT BROIEST BRO FRIEND BRO

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: Morganan do I have your amazing permission to go fuck a bitch up

 

stricter than my real parents: ...Only If I get to see it. But don’t get the video deleted. He needs to learn to grow up and deal with the consequences of his actions

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: Okay I put cereal in the toilet and replaced the water with milk love you Morganana

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best has gone offline

 

stricter than my real parents:  i feel as if im taking care of a toddler. What has become of my life

 

FUCK ADULTS: im gonna go hide in the closet now

 

stricter than my real parents: goddamnit ryuji why wont you COME OUT OF THE CLOSET

 

FUCK ADULTS has gone offline

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best has come online

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: wait

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: damn it

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: no gay morganana?

 

stricter than my real parents: ...he wont do it. Tell him to come out already ren.

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: I have something Very Important™ to do first

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: since akechi has been acting...sketchy.

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: or should i say

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best has changed Goro Akechi to Asketchy

 

Asketchy has come online

 

FUCK ADULTS has come online

 

FUCK ADULTS: bro wtf i dont get it

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: go on a date with me bitch >:(

 

FUCK ADULTS: a bro date?

 

stricter than my real parents:

 

stricter than my real parents: are you that fucking stupid ryuji. Do you only speak in bros.

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: @FUCK ADULTS BE MY GODDAMNED BOYFRIEND YOU STUPID ASS DORK I LOVE yOu

 

FUCK ADULTS: your brofriend?

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: NO MY BOYFRIEND

 

FUCK ADULTS: bro how about we settle. we say we are dating but we say brofriend instead.

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: yes my endearing bro

 

FUCK ADULTS: bro now we need to go on the ultimate bro date. working out suuuuper hard like a bro work out. then we get bro burgers. BROOOOOO

 

stricter than my real parents: if you say bro one more time i will steal your heart myself

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: you can’t i already did that ;)

 

FUCK ADULTS: but i haven’t undergone a change of heart bro

 

stricter than my real parents has voted to kick FUCK ADULTS

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: Wait no don’t make our love forbidden like Romeo and Juliet

 

Asketchy has voted to kick FUCK ADULTS

 

FUCK ADULTS: BRO WTF I DONT GET IT

 

FUCK ADULTS: I JUST WANT TO BE WITH MY BROFRIEND AND GO ON THE BROEST BRODATES TWO BROS HAVE EVER GONE ON

 

Asketchy: We just want you to talk like a normal human being for once.

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: ryuji is special okay

 

FUCK ADULTS: but bro… i dont understand what i did bro. Am i talking in like the least broiest and manly way bro? Brooooo help me bro

 

Asketchy: if that’s the least then i don’t want to see the most

 

stricter than my real parents: i vote to ban the word bro from the chat.

 

FUCK ADULTS: BROOOOOOOOOO HOW DARE YOU THAT IS SO UNMANLY AND SO UNBRO LIKE. BRO WTF BRO

 

Asketchy: i mean both you and Ren have dressed up as girls.

 

Asketchy: I think you have problems with your masculinity, though, bro.

 

FUCK ADULTS: THAT WAS FOR A SCHOOL PROJECT OK BRO

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: damn for a school project i got to step on akechi’s akrotch?

 

FUCK ADULTS: BRO SHUT UP I DON'T WANT THEM TO KNOW I STEAL ANN’S CLOTHES TO CROSSDRESS

 

Asketchy: Ryuji

 

stricter than my real parents: Ryuji.

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: ryuji.

 

FUCK ADULTS: what is it bros

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: you fucking moron

 

FUCK ADULTS: i dont understand

 

stricter than my real parents: Lady Ann is going to kill you…

 

Asketchy: You admitted it yourself

 

FUCK ADULTS: bro what are you talking about i didnt admit anything

 

FUCK ADULTS: wait

 

FUCK ADULTS:

 

FUCK ADULTS: BRO IS THIS FOR REAL

 

Asketchy: @I COULD KILL YOU WITH THESE HEELS

 

FUCK ADULTS: HOW DARE YOU BETRAY A FELLOW BRO BROOOOO

 

Asketchy: Bro, I’m not your bro.

 

Asketchy: go eat ren’s dick

 

FUCK ADULTS: I ALWAYS CONSIDERED YOU A BRO… A SKETCHY BRO BUT A BRO NONETHELESS … AND NOW YOU BETRAY ME BRO… THAT IS SO UNMANLY BRO

 

I COULD KILL YOU WITH THESE HEELS has come online

 

Makoto Niijima has come online

 

Haru Okumura has come online

 

Asketchy: All these people want you to eat Ren’s dick

 

gremlin memelord has come online

 

gremlin memelord: WHOEVER IS ABOUT TO EAT MY BOY REN’S DICK PLEASE PUT ON YOUR DICK-EATING GLOVES

 

Questionable Art has come online

 

Questionable Art: Should I make a painting depicting him with his dick eating gloves as he does this?

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: yes i will give you all my heart, soul, money, and body if you do this

 

Questionable Art: I shall get my supplies at once.

 

I COULD KILL YOU WITH THESE GLOVES: Congrats on scoring a bf and some dick ryuji, BUT THAT IS WHERE MY CLOTHES HAVE BEEN DISAPPEARING TOO. YOU OWE ME THE MONEY FOR ALL OF THOSE.

 

FUCK ADULTS: but

 

Makoto Niijima: ...I

 

Makoto Niijima: Please if you do do… that… ryuji do not share any info of it.

 

gremlin memelord: Please share it. Makoto consumes yaoi on the daily.

 

Makoto Niijima: how dare you disclose my personal searches.

 

gremlin memelord: holy i was right

 

I COULD KILL YOU WITH THESE HEELS: makoto why

 

Questionable Art: Please videochat it in this chat for all of us to see.

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: local lesbian loves dick along with her study sessions with her girlf

 

Makoto Niijima: At Least it’s better than having pancake orgies.

 

Asketchy: By the way, everyone here is invited to the one this weekend.

 

Questionable Art: I will attend, I have always wanted to paint a beautiful masterpiece of pancakes in the ass

 

Questionable Art: It is inspiring… the beauty of it… THE BEAUTY OF ART! IT PERFECTLY CAPTURES MY ARTISTIC VISION!

 

Asketchy: Hey guys update on the orgy it’s been canceled

 

Questionable Art: WHY MUST YOU RUIN MY VISION

 

FUCK ADULTS: BRO

 

FUCK ADULTS: BRO I JUST REALIZED SOMETHING SUPER IMPORTANT

 

FUCK ADULTS:  HARU AND MAKOTO DONT HAVE NICKNAMES YET

 

gremlin memelord: BY THE ORDER OF THE MEME COURT

 

gremlin memelord: I DEMAND THAT HARU OKUMURA AND MAKOTO NIIJIMA GET THE MEMIEST NAMES ACCORDING TO MAN


gremlin memelord: FAILURE TO DO SO HAS TO EITHER WATCH ASKETCHY JACK OFF TO PANCAKES OR HELP RYUJI EAT REN’S MASSIVE DICK

 

I CAN KILL YOU WITH THESE HEELS has changed Makoto Niijima to Serial Studier

 

Serial Studier: ...I don’t study that much.

 

I COULD KILL YOU WITH THESE HEELS: Would you rather have watched Akechi jack off to pancakes.

 

Haru Okumura: ^^;;;;;;;;;;;;

 

Serial Studier: ...True. Now we must save Haru from that terrible fate.

 

Serial Studier has changed Haru Okumura to best girl yandere

 

best girl yandere: i don’t get it but thank you mako-chan!!

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: more accurate than akechi and morganana’s names combined

 

FUCK ADULTS: i dont get it either bro

 

Serial Studier: You don’t need to know…

 

Asketchy: How do you not know?

 

stricter than my real parents: ...Futaba save me i don’t want to watch ryuji eat ren’s dick

 

gremlin memelord: from what

 

stricter than my real parents: im not allowed downstairs in the coffee shop. I have nowhere else to go

 

gremlin memelord: Wanna team up with me in lol?

 

stricter than my real parents: if it will free me from this hell…

 

Serial Studier: ...How will Morgana play with paws

 

gremlin memelord: You have never seen keyboard cat, have you

 

Questionable Art: Is this one of the online ‘memes’ i have heard much about

 

Serial Studier: No, my sister doesn’t allow me to watch online videos, saying they will distract me from my studies.

 

gremlin memelord has left the chat

 

Questionable Art has added gremlin memelord to the chat

 

Questionable Art: Please educate me in the complex world of memes… what is this ‘despacito’ i have heard much about. What is a ‘vine’? I want to understand all forms of art including memes

 

gremlin memelord: get your stinky ass away from my memes Nudeman

 

Questionable Art: I have just listened to Despacito… this is the most beautiful song I have ever heard. This is the purest art form I have seen! PRAISE DESPACITO!

 

gremlin memelord: I’m actually scared

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: Yusuke stop

 

Questionable Art: But the artist quality of this song! It is so beautiful! And the video!

 

FUCK ADULTS: bro what is despacito.it sounds sick and suuuper manly

 

gremlin memelord: Guys stop don’t do this

 

FUCK ADULTS: ...bro nevermind its in another language i dont understand

 

Questionable Art:  How do you not see the beauty in this?!

 

Asketchy, gremlin memelord, and since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best have left the chat.

 

Serial Studier  has added Asketchy, gremlin memelord, and since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best to the chat

 

Serial Studier: ...Mishima won’t stop crying and whining to me

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: ...wait shit where is mishima?

 

FUCK ADULTS: BROFRIEND DID YOU FORGET THESE DICKS KICKED HIM

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: I WASN’T ONLINE

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES

 

stricter than my real parents: Ren he isn’t a phantom thief. Also Futaba please hurry up Ryuji is almost here I DONT WANNA DIE

 

FUCK ADULTS: WELL YOU ARENT A HUMAN AND YOU ARE IN THE GROUP CHAT

 

gremlin memelord: nyooming over there now, don’t drown in their white sauce yet morgana

 

stricter than my real parents:  I’ll try

 

FUCK ADULTS: YOU CANT CHANGE THE SUBJECT. THIS IS BS THAT YOU KICKED HIM. HE IS AN AMAZING BRO

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best has added Yuuki Mishima to the chat.

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: Welcome back the purest boy

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best: but you must be initiated first

 

since u don’t have a pancake fetish ur not the best has changed Yuuki Mishima to Borderline Stalker

 

Borderline Stalker: i’m crying right now i love you gys,,,

 

Serial Studier: ...Guys Mishima just fainted from happiness and I called 911