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The end of everything you love happened sooner than you expected it ever would.
The world shifted, tilted and spun on its axis in a way that left you feeling detached from it.
Frozen as everything fell out of focus, moving so quickly you couldn’t keep up.
Faster.
Faster.
Spinning increasingly dizzying as your breaths pant out weakly.
One step.
Take one step.
Then another. Keep moving don't stop dont let the world stop because then its over.
Over over over.
Broken.
Shattered.
Frozen.
Take a short breath, hold it until your lungs ache with the pain of it. Brain screaming to release it and take another.
Hold it.
Crumple under the pain, landing on your knees, fists to the ground as you scream on silent breaths of air.
Broken. Broken. Broken.
Inhale sharply and hiccup on it, feel your lungs expand with it, only to spasm in pain over the sudden movement.
Hiss out the breath and try again.
Stand up, Stand up. Stand up.
You can't stay here you have to move.
Move move move.
Stand up, take a step, stumble.
Catch yourself on broken memories.
Lie.
You're okay, you can move.
Ignore the pain. Ignore the way it races through your veins with every throbbing beat of your heart.
Pounding. Pounding.
Will it break you? Stinging and melting its way through your body?
Drink.
Drink away the pain as you stumble along the path.
Ignore reality.
You can't break down now.
You can't.
You have to keep moving.
Gasping for air around the suffocating pain.
Your lungs shrink over time, the less you breathe the less they expand.
They atrophy. You atrophy. You can’t bring yourself to care.
You drink.
You drink and you fight and you protect from the shadows lest your misfortune hurt the last of those you can protect.
You wonder.
Is this really worth it? What can you honestly do to help but protect from afar?
You drink.
To stop the questions.
To stop the pain.
To stop the voices.
You stumble.
Straight into a fight to protect this tiny child you’ve watched grow.
You fight.
Because you don’t have anything else left to lose. No one is here to guide you. Where are you supposed to be?
You fight.
You take shuddering breaths, you play the part, you protect, and a small part of you weeps when you are wounded.
Your aura flickers and a voice screams you could have avoided the attack.
You’re use to the protection of your aura, you have forgotten that you haven’t kept it activated in a long time.
Days, weeks, months?
You can't remember.
Activating your aura is a sign you want to keep living, and you haven't wanted that since he fell.
You shudder, but press on as if nothing happened.
Poison.
You laugh, because of all things to kill you it’d be poison.
You stumble through the next few hours trying to explain, trying to make everything make sense, trying to get these kids to understand.
You fail. When was that anything new?
Failure. Failure. Failure.
You sleep.
Separated, away, lost in the darkness, but you sleep.
You awake feverish and realize you probably should have left. You should have ran, ran as far as you could.
She cries softly and you’re weak. Too weak. You want her to know it’ll be okay, that you aren’t mad. Not at her. Never at her. It's not her fault.
The failure is yours alone.
You can't tell her because all that comes out are lung rattling coughs and the pain overwhelms you.
You get lost in the pain.
Deep in feverish dreams you see him and almost weep in relief. You wish desperately for this to be real and sink deeper into the fever.
Suddenly you wake, a soft hand brushing your hair and you instantly know this isn’t who you want.
You laugh weakly.
Joke.
Hide.
Pretend. Pretend. Pretend.
“Aren't I the one usually saving you?”.
You drink.
Unsure, lost, confused, where are you supposed to go now? What is the plan?
Everyone is scattered.
You were never meant to lead.
You were never supposed to be left behind.
You wait.
You drink.
You meet him again.
The world cracks, deep and dark through the depths of your soul.
Cracks and shifts, the fault line seconds away from shattering.
An impending earthquake that you know will leave your soul devastated.
You hold it together, you drink.
You take him back to the others.
Hold it together.
Hold it.
Hold.
You’re alone.
A soft breath.
You shatter.
All the pieces you’ve put together.
All the pieces you’ve carefully realigned and glued.
They break.
Slide against each other as the fault lines crumble.
The pieces rain to the floor like crystalin glitter and you shatter.
You’re back where you started.
A stuttered breath.
A silent scream.
Your lungs protest, they’d just learned how to breathe again.
You hold it.
You don't mean to but you do.
You hiccup on the inhale, then exhale in stutters.
Your lungs scream, and the scream unfurls like a living thing in your throat.
You press a hand to your mouth and sob.
A soft sound, startled and wounded, finally uncurls in your chest and the pressure is released. You collapse, a ball of shivering pain on the floor.
You sob.
Its too much, you hadn’t thought about the fact you could possibly see him again.
But it's not him.
Never him. Just a ghost of him.
You can't decide if this is worst.
It is.
A wretched sound unhinges deep in your throat, vibrates past your lips.
Your lungs ache with the need to breath.
Your head spins with lack of oxygen and you break.
You sleep.
Morning finds you in broken tatters on the floor, spread out and weak.
You blink bleary eyes and stare at the sun kissed ceiling.
You question.
A broken breath,
and you wonder.
Suddenly there's a knock on the door and you listlessly roll onto your side, you have no energy.
The world shudders and spins from that little movement alone.
Have you eaten?
You wonder but let the thought go as easily as it came.
You shift and get your arms beneath you, weak and wobbly as you press yourself up off the floor.
A breathless laugh escapes as you realize you’re like a newborn colt.
Weak. Weak. Weak.
Broken.
The door opens and you just barely turn your head to see who before the world shifts again, set spinning as if someone froze you and gave it a whirl.
Your arms wobble dangerously and you go back down in a heap of trembling limbs.
You can hear shouts of worry, your name called over and over but you can only laugh weakly. You're not sure whats wrong.
But you do know that,
you’ve shattered
so completely,
so thoroughly,
that you’re
numb.
So emotionally spent and exhausted you can't even begin to feel anything except amusement at your current situation.
Your lungs ache.
“Qrow?” a voice murmurs and you seize.
Everything pulls so tight as your body freezes.
A different ache blooms and spreads from the depths of your chest to the very tips of your fingers.
A tingling burning sensation and your chest lurches.
“Qrow!” The voice says more urgently and you can't breath.
You never thought you’d hear that voice again, even underlaid with a much younger one.
Your body pulls tight and you roll, hands moving clumsily as they clutch at your chest.
You want to escape but there is none.
You hear more shouts but they’re distant.
You realize your eyes are open but nothing is in focus.
You can't think past the burning scream of your lungs as they seize,
small ripples of aborted breaths.
Your head aches with the need for oxygen but you can't make anything work.
Darkness blissfully reaches out for you, you fall into its soothing embrace.
The next time you awake it's to the soft sounds of a river.
You blink tiredly and turn your head, someone put you in a bed.
You focus and see the window is open.
The sounds of the valley below echo soothingly.
You sigh, a movement of your body with no actual sound.
You try to move but your body feels like one giant ache,
Everything hurts.
A whimper of protest leaves your lips before you can even think to stop it.
A soft gasp and your attention is suddenly on the only other occupant in the room.
A presence you somehow missed.
Your red eyes meet molten hazel and time stops.
Frozen.
You wait.
And watch.
With bated breath
but,
you do remember to breath,
even if only softly,
through well abused lungs.
The boy hesitates, clearly frozen in this lapse of time as well.
Indecision flickers.
Then the boy stands, hesitantly but with a hint of determination.
You wait.
All you’ve ever done is wait so what is a few seconds more?
You watch.
The boy slowly moves closer, small shuffling steps that bring him to your bedside.
You hum softly as you watch him, waiting.
Then in a slow motion that leaves you both shocked the boy reaches out and buries his fingers in your hair, brushing the probably wild strands from your face.
You can't contain your reaction, your done trying to.
You stare up at him wide-eyed as he stares at his hand with a similar expression.
Suddenly the boy rolls his eyes, closing them and with an exasperated breath stills.
You watch.
Confused.
Suddenly a flare of the boys aura.
Magic lining the boy with gold before settling into a light green hue.
An ache, soft and dull, flares in your chest.
You know that aura, and suddenly you understand.
When those eyes open again they are no longer hazel but now a molten amber.
A wry smile tugs at your lips.
“Hey Oz”
The end of everything you loved, came sooner than you expected.
A ghost of it is all that remains.
It haunts you.
In the form of a confused fourteen year old boy.
“Hello Qrow.”
You smile.
Even as you break.