Archive of Our Own ^beta

Sometimes, it doesn't even feel like Yoongi's actually alive.

He's breathing. He's moving. He's going through his day like any other mostly sane person would.

Be he isn't living.

Yoongi's existing, but he isn't living. He has not been living his life for what feels like a long time now. He is like a robot that has been programmed to do the same thing over and over again and he doesn't know when his life became like this, but there has been so much grey lately, that he wouldn't know how to tell colors apart anymore.

Except, there are certain points in time when Yoongi is aware. He's moving, he's breathing, and there's motivation behind his actions. He has a purpose in those moments.

Other times, Yoongi is so afraid that he can't breathe. Something is squeezing his heart and suffocating his chest. There is air in his lungs and adrenaline in his veins, but he is so terrified that he thinks dying might be a better fate. He can't die though. As much as Yoongi thinks about it, as often as he feels like there's no point anymore, he can't die just yet.

Yoongi fights to get out of bed most mornings. He sets his first alarm ten minutes earlier than what is necessary and uses those ten minutes to think. To think about his schedule for the day, to think about what he might be looking forward to. To think about the two most important people in his life who are his reasons to get up every morning. He thinks about all the other little reasons he should go about his day today and by then his second alarm is going off to signal he get out of bed.

He picks his clothes out for the day, brushes his teeth, takes a shower, shaves, changes, and then spends a considerable amount of time doing his hair simply because of its length. He always wonders whether he will actually get around to cutting it soon, but then he puts it up into a bun and forgets about his hair for a while. He goes into the kitchen and starts making breakfast afterward. He makes his coffee then waits until the clock hits six-thirty as he nurses his warm mug.

And by that time, he goes back down the hallway and knocks on two doors across from one another.

He clears his throat and says, "It's time to get up. Come, you two have school."

The first to rise is always Namjoon. He opens his door and steps out into the hallway where Yoongi is standing. He smiles at him, his dimples on full display and then hugs Yoongi around the waist in greeting. Yoongi hugs him back and presses a kiss on the top of his head before letting Namjoon go. Yoongi watches his gangly twelve-year-old walk into the bathroom to get ready for the day. Namjoon is always so calm and quiet, but he is even more so in the mornings.

Yoongi waits until the shower has turned on in the bathroom before he turns towards the other door and raps his knuckles on the wood. "Jinnie. It's time to get up, come on."

Yoongi presses his ear to the door and listens for the telltale sound of bed sheets rustling. There's a low groan that is barely audible through the wood and Yoongi smiles in amusement.

"Hey, can I come in?" he asks, his ear still pressed to the door.

No audible reply comes so Yoongi takes that as an okay. He opens the door and is greeted by Seokjin's groggy and grumpy expression. Seokjin rubs his eyes in annoyance, but Yoongi is just glad that his eldest son is sitting up in bed already. Yoongi can still remember how he quite literally had to drag Seokjin out of bed just to get him up for the school day not too long ago.

"Jinnie," Yoongi begins, taking a cautious step as he waits to gage Seokjin's reaction. When his son only sighs and pushes his blanket off, swinging his legs over the side of his bed, Yoongi continues his way in. "It's time for school. Joonie's still in the shower, but he should be done soon so pick out your clothes and wait for him to get out of the bathroom while I cook breakfast. Alright?"

Seokjin stands, wobbles, then rights himself and gives Yoongi a quick hug before he slowly walks over to his closet. "I know the drill, Dad. I'll change while you go make breakfast, so please don't burn the eggs again."

"That was one time!" Yoongi shouts at his back, but when Seokjin only turns around to raise his brow at him, Yoongi laughs and nods, holding his hands out. "Okay, I see your point. Now, you get ready and I'll do my best to not burn anything."

Seokjin's laugh emits from the depths of his closet as Yoongi walks out of his room, relieved to hear that the shower isn't on anymore. Yoongi makes his way down the hallway and returns to the kitchen, quickly turning the stove back on to medium-high for his bacon to finish while he gets another frying pan out for the eggs. Something clatters in the bathroom, but he has a rule that if things don’t sound like utter chaos or glass breaking, then Yoongi doesn't rush to assess the damage. Raising two boys has taught Yoongi plenty about injuries found in the strangest of places and weird, goopy substances he is pretty sure shouldn't even exist. Granted, Seokjin is fourteen and Namjoon is twelve now, but that does not mean that his boys have stopped making gigantic messes that Yoongi has to clean up.

He pops four slices of bread into the new toaster and listens to Seokjin nag at Namjoon to be more careful and stop dropping everything. Namjoon doesn't say anything in response, but Yoongi knows that it is because he's too embarrassed. Yoongi focuses on the eggs again, humming to himself when the shower runs once more. Namjoon spends a few minutes back in his room where he gathers the rest of his things then ambles into the dining room with his backpack slung across his shoulders. Yoongi flips the bacon in its pan and turns the stove off, grateful when the toaster dings to signify that the bread is done.

"Joonie, set the table for me?" Yoongi asks as he grabs plates from the cabinet to his left and hands them to Namjoon. "Thanks."

Namjoon takes them carefully, smiling up at Yoongi. "Of course, Dad."

"Remember to grab the milk too. I'll bring the cups out when your brother gets out of the bathroom," Yoongi continues, plating the eggs and bacon separately next to the scalding stovetop as he pulls the crisp toast out. "Oh, and the butter! Seokjin complains about the carbs, but you know your brother, he won't eat toast unless it's been buttered."

"I know, Dad. I got it, don't worry," Namjoon chuckles from the table, already making his way back into the kitchen to open the fridge. "I think hyung will be out soon."

Yoongi ruffles his hair as he passes by again, the black strands still a bit damp, and grins at his youngest when Namjoon flushes and smiles bashfully. "Good boy, Joonie. Make sure your brother's hair is dry when he gets out too. It's never dry by the time we're leaving, no matter how often he pretends it is and I don't want him catching another cold when the school year is almost over."

Namjoon laughs again and sets the milk and butter down at the center of the table. Yoongi watches him walk back down the hallway when the bathroom door opens, releasing steam into the air and pushes Seokjin back inside when his brother tries stepping out. Yoongi hears the blow dryer hum soon after and he smiles to himself as he grabs the hearty breakfast he made then sets the rest of the table with plates, milk, and butter. Yoongi completes the setup with cups and forks just in time to hear the dryer stop. Seokjin and Namjoon squabble for a little more then exit the bathroom, Namjoon in the lead.

Seokjin stops in his bedroom while Namjoon continues towards the table, plopping himself down in the seat beside Yoongi. Yoongi's grin widens when he realizes that Namjoon never took his backpack off.

"Joonie," Yoongi chuckles.

"Hm?" Namjoon hums in response as he ladles food onto his plate.

"Your backpack. Did you know that it's still on your back?"

Namjoon flushes a bright red that makes Yoongi laugh aloud until Seokjin joins them. All three of them quickly load their plates and neither Seokjin nor Namjoon begin eating until Yoongi has had the first bite. Yoongi asks them about their plans for the day, about classes or club meetings that may hold them back after school. Seokjin has to redo a math test at lunch and he isn't the least bit bothered by it like he usually would be since he will get to be inside where it is nice and cold while everyone else sweats their faces off in the heat. Namjoon is doing great in his studies, but still has a little trouble fitting in and Yoongi smiles when Seokjin reaches across the table and ruffles his little brother's hair, telling him not to worry because high school is where he will make more friends.

Yoongi knows that the only person Namjoon is friends with is Taehyung and that is more of a default since they are soulmates. Yoongi still remembers how nervous Namjoon was on the first day of school a couple months ago; his timer was in its last twenty minutes as he watched the other kids run past them and into the building. Namjoon was clammy and sweaty, stumbling over his words, but Yoongi pulled up his sleeve and showed him his own timer, showed him that it was still ticking and Namjoon began to focus on that instead. There was something strangely peaceful about watching a ticking time clock, something about it almost hypnotizing. Yoongi had watched him exit the car on wobbly legs, turning and waving goodbye to Yoongi before walking into the school and disappearing into the hoards of students.

When Yoongi had picked him up after school with Seokjin in the front seat, Namjoon had been standing at the curb with a skinny boy. Seokjin had whooped at them then smiled evilly as Yoongi scolded him for making whom he learned to be Taehyung uncomfortable, but Taehyung had only smiled and hugged Namjoon goodbye, running off towards one of the yellow buses. Taehyung's eyes had been covered by his ridiculously long bangs and Yoongi had no idea how that gangly kid could be his son's soulmate, but when Taehyung began coming around their apartment often, Yoongi started to understand it.

Unlike most people in the world, Seokjin has no soulmate. His timer had flashed a bright red with the word ERROR across his forearm when he was eight and Yoongi had to take him out of school early. As soon as they had gotten home, Seokjin broke down crying, screaming that it hurt and it wasn't until a little while later Yoongi learned that when someone died, their soulmate would be able to feel their pain in those last few moments. It had broken Yoongi's heart to see this happen to his son, his eldest, his first because he still remembered those twenty hours spent in the delivery room, clutching Dasom's hand as she brought their son into this world. Yoongi had vowed to protect his son at all costs that day, but soulmates were a force of their own and Yoongi wasn't God. Seokjin had stayed in bed for an entire week and Namjoon, who was only six, visited Seokjin's teachers after school to get his homework and then sat beside Seokjin's bed until dinnertime to do their homework together. Yoongi could tell that Seokjin didn't want to do anything, didn't want to even think about school, but Namjoon was his little brother and he was trying his best to make Seokjin happy again. Namjoon hadn't understood what any of it meant at the time, had been far too young, and Yoongi feared that Seokjin might lash out at him, but he never did.

Because when he and Dasom brought Namjoon home, Seokjin had fallen in love with his baby brother the same way that Yoongi had fallen in love with the both of them. Seokjin had only been two, but he held Namjoon in his arms and cooed at him until Namjoon stopped crying and fell asleep. Namjoon is Seokjin's little brother and Yoongi knows that they are protective of each other as much as any siblings can be so he shouldn't have worried about Seokjin’s anger. Namjoon having a living and breathing soulmate is not something that Seokjin will ever hold against him. He wants his brother happy and nothing can change that.

Seokjin's forearm is now bare, free of any marks or timers, and Yoongi knows that it sometimes tears at him that he no longer has a soulmate, but he isn't eight anymore and Yoongi still has difficulty believing how much his children have matured.

They finish breakfast shortly after Namjoon spills milk on his pants and Seokjin laughs at him from across the table. Namjoon goes back to his room to change while Yoongi and Seokjin clean the space. As Yoongi collects what he needs for work, Seokjin double-checks that he has everything he needs in his backpack while Namjoon wanders back into the living room, freshened up.

"Alright, troops, let's head out!" Yoongi stands stiffly and draws his feet together as Seokjin and Namjoon march past him with smiles on their faces, giving him mock salutes.

Yoongi makes sure to switch off all the lights before he locks the door behind him and makes his way down to the courtyard, remembering to greet his neighbors he has only seen a handful of times. Namjoon and Seokjin are smart enough to follow his lead and do the same.

Seokjin claims shotgun as soon as Yoongi unlocks the car and Namjoon pouts but has no qualms about climbing into the seat behind Yoongi's. Yoongi waits until they have put their seatbelts on before he pulls out of his parking spot.

Yoongi drops off Seokjin first at the high school, waving goodbye as his son runs to meet his best friend, Jaehwan, and Namjoon climbs into the passenger's seat, immediately putting his seatbelt on. Namjoon dials up the radio station as they pull away from the curb, taking a few short turns before they arrive at the middle school. Namjoon kisses Yoongi's cheek as he says goodbye then climbs out of the car, walking over to where the buses usually line up, ready to wait for Taehyung to arrive. Yoongi watches him go, keeping watch of him, and only leaves once he sees Taehyung step off his bus to meet his son.

He can still see them in his mirrors as he pulls away, but quickly loses sight of them as they run towards the school's doors and make their way inside. Yoongi breathes out deeply and plugs in his iPod at the next red light, letting the beats of an indie rock band he discovered a while ago sooth his nerves.

There is always a little fear in his veins whenever he drops his kids off at school. He isn’t quite certain where it stems from, but ever since Seokjin lost his soulmate, he has been wary, afraid that something else may happen to his sons. Maybe it comes from that incident in question, but Yoongi always feels a little anxious whenever his children are out of his sight, so maybe it is just his parental instincts kicking in and nothing more serious than that.

Arriving at work is a routine. He quickly parks his vehicle into his designated space, stretches his bag across his shoulders, and walks through the doors to greet the receptionist, Sicheng, as he breezes by and into an elevator.

Tacky elevator music fills the silence. While some may think that an entertainment agency would play its idols’ tunes any chance it got, the higher-ups perhaps believed that the trainees and idols who use the elevators would hardly fancy listening to their own voices so often.

As the elevator halts on his floor, Yoongi can feel dull vibrations humming through the walls. He makes his way down a hallway, passing by studio after studio until he reaches his own — one with “Genius Lab” printed on the door.

His studio is still as neat and as organized as he left it on Friday. Generally, he would come into work on weekends as well, but last weekend, he had helped Seokjin with his history project which Namjoon had quietly finished when both Yoongi and Seokjin took a short nap. Yoongi had woken up to Namjoon yelling as Seokjin chased him around the living room, Yoongi's heartbeat stuttering in his throat when Namjoon's foot caught the corner of the sofa and he went sprawling, curling into a ball to cry. Yoongi had rushed into the kitchen to grab a bag of peas out of the freezer, almost jumping out of his skin when he found Taehyung perched on his countertop, eating cup ramen and ultimately unfazed over his soulmate injuring himself again.

Definitely not a weekend he'll be forgetting any time soon.

Yoongi plugs in his keyboard and powers up his computers, using the heels of his feet to push him across the room in his rolling chair. The wheels occasionally catch on the carpet, but all it takes is another shove from Yoongi and he's gliding again. Yoongi types in his different passwords and waits for the computers to finish loading, pulling up all his various files and projects once they are done. He swivels around again until he finds a surface flat enough for him to look over the notes he made over the weekend and jots down a few new ones, tapping his pencil on his chin as he thinks.

Music is something Yoongi has always been interested in ever since he was a mere kid, learning the basics of piano which he had picked up again as a teenager. Yoongi has been through so much with music, has been in so many different types of situations because of it and he does not know what would have happened to him if his mother hadn't insisted on piano lessons. Music has shaped him in more ways than he could possibly begin to count. It feels as if it is a part of him, the minuscule beats vibrating within him with every breath he takes.

When he was only a teenager and unsure of how music was going to support him, he had done things. Things he isn't proud of and things he hopes that his children will never learn about him. However, when Yoongi was running out of the last hope he had, when he was so close to jumping off the edge, music swooped in and gripped him firmly, wrapped itself around him, and dragged him back to shore. It tugged and fought until he managed to help himself the rest of the way and it has resided within him ever since.

Music is a part of who he is, who he has always been. It makes sense that he would eventually settle into a job that allows him to explore the endless possibilities of notes stringing together, to figure out the melodies that reside within everyday objects and actions. Music is his life just as much as being a father is and Yoongi's grateful his parents gave him that push when he was still young and full of childlike hope.

He still sees his parents, of course. They both attended Seokjin's middle school graduation almost a year ago and they plan to attend Namjoon's upcoming one as well. They love the boys and Yoongi knows that there has never been a point in his parents' lives where they didn't love him as well, but it is hard to forget those first few years out of college when they would not talk to him. When they did not attend the wedding, or the baby shower or when Yoongi's dad told him he was ruining his life over the phone by trying to have a family with someone who wasn't his soulmate. His mother had said nothing, but Yoongi knows it was all entirely her doing for his father to call him up when Dasom got pregnant with Namjoon and apologized to him, crying and pleading for Yoongi to understand how terrified he had been for his son.

Yoongi knows that his father is old-fashioned about things like that and when they came down to visit for Namjoon's birth, Yoongi was ecstatic about how kind they had been. From the moment they laid eyes on Yoongi’s sons, they had fallen for them as quickly as Yoongi had when he first held them. They showered them with gifts and took time out of their day to indulge in the children’s playtime. The best part? When Yoongi and Dasom were in desperate need of a nap themselves, they took the boys out for ice cream and the park where Namjoon looked out at the world from his stroller and Seokjin explained to him about butterflies and flowers and how warm the sun felt while his sticky, ice cream-clad fingers clung to the side of the stroller.

Parents aren't perfect. They make mistakes, they can be overprotective, they don't care enough or they care too much. It took Yoongi a while, and to be a parent, to understand how hard it must have been for his own parents when he married and had kids with someone the universe had not meant for him, but Yoongi has never regretted it. Being a parent has taught him a lot and it is not as if he and Dasom are on awful terms. Of course, their split could have been handled better, but they are on better grounds this way.

(Seokjin had asked Yoongi once if they were still a family even though they no longer lived in the same home and Yoongi had kissed his forehead and pulled him into his chest, tugging Namjoon in as well. He held his boys close to his heart as he explained that sometimes parents are better at taking care of their children when they are apart instead of together. He explained that, sometimes, parents aren't meant to be together anymore and the people they become when they are together shouldn't be anywhere near their children at all. Yoongi had told them that they still had a mom and a dad and that their separation would not change that one bit.)

Yoongi knew from the beginning that one day, their relationship would fall through. Dasom's timer had less time on it than Yoongi's and he knew from the beginning that she would break his heart somehow. That didn't stop him from falling in love and getting married, having Seokjin and then Namjoon. It didn't stop either of them because they knew what they were getting into from the very start.

That didn't mean that it did not feel as if someone had punched the air out of his chest when he, Dasom, and their boys walked into the dentist's office and left without Dasom. She had stayed to talk to the new receptionist, a pretty woman named Bora, and while Yoongi had been happy for her, he also knew that that was the beginning of the end.

Dasom never cheated on Yoongi when they were together, Yoongi knows that. He knows that, but he could not stop it from eating away at him. The fact that his wife, the mother of his children, had already met her soulmate and was probably slowly falling out of love with him hurt more than words could say. Seokjin was five and Namjoon was three when Dasom asked him for a divorce and Yoongi had given it to her without much of a fight. He did not like the person he saw when he looked in the mirror, had not liked him for a while even before Dasom met Bora.

Yoongi doesn't blame Bora for anything. He knew what was going to happen from the beginning and he can't be upset that he threw himself into a doomed love without a second thought and got two of the best things in his life out of it (three if you count the friendship he has with Dasom). There has never been bad blood between them. They knew what was going to happen, and it hurt, it hurt like hell, but Yoongi couldn't be mad at Dasom for finding her soulmate and falling out of love with him.

Despite that, he had said some things that left a rotten taste in his mouth and made Dasom's mouth pinch together to signal her fury but she nevertheless kept her mouth shut to keep herself from retaliating. He had apologized for it later, of course, but even as she was forgiving him, he still felt awful about it and was ashamed of his petty behavior. She had agreed to let him have primary custody over their sons, hadn't even fought with him over it because she knew just how bad things would become for Yoongi if she had been awarded primary custody instead. She had given him their children, but Yoongi had let her keep the house and the dog. He has been thinking of getting another dog recently, but he isn't sure if he can handle that so soon again.

Yoongi tries to push all that to the back of his head as he starts working, focusing on the new tracks he has been composing for a few weeks now. He needs to have this specific one done by today so that the vocalist coming in will be able to record his vocals over the track later today. Hoseok and Jimin had set it up since Yoongi didn't want one of the company's artists to touch the track yet and they have a friend who is a decent singer for all intents and purposes. Yoongi hopes that the person’s voice fits because the song he's working on is meant to be a summer love ballad, something different than the hip-hop and pop melodies he submits to the company every other week. He has never done a ballad before and wants a voice that will fit the demo before he ships it off to the company to be industrialized and shaved away until it fits the group or artist they want to give it to.

It is silly how much he cares about all of his demo tracks, but Yoongi keeps each and every one of his original files so that he can listen to them in private later. Yoongi quickly learned from past experiences that if he wasn’t completely feeling one of his demos and handed it off to the company anyway, it would be denied and he would have to stay late and have less time to spend with his sons while he revised the demo until he was finally satisfied with it. Better to have all his demos tuned to his liking the first time around instead of wasting more time and effort to fix it later.

He throws himself into his work, grunting when the track doesn't sound the way he wants, rearranging a few notes at his piano again and again. When he starts, everything else is forgotten as the music takes space in the forefront of his mind. Yoongi focuses on the music, on what works, on what absolutely doesn’t, and what he hopes will work once it is out there for the public to consume. He is usually so caught up in what he's working on that Hoseok and Jimin have to drag him out for lunch so that he won't forget to eat something before picking up the boys from school.

Yoongi has just finished putting what he hopes will be the final touches on the track (but he isn’t so sure about it being done yet) when Hoseok knocks on the studio door and Yoongi sighs aloud. He gives himself a moment to collect himself before he stands to open the door and let them in. Hoseok is leaning against the doorway, Jimin next to him, and the two are smiling, glad that Yoongi opened the door at the first knock for once.

"Lunchtime, Yoongoon," Hoseok cheers, nodding behind Yoongi into the studio, "grab your wallet because it's your turn to pay."

Yoongi rolls his eyes but grabs his bag on the way out and makes sure his keys are in his pocket before he locks the door behind him. Jimin and Hoseok flank him on either side as they walk down the hallway and Yoongi remembers the time when he would not talk to them because his wife had just divorced him and Yoongi was left soulmate-less and partnerless. Hoseok and Jimin had always been happy together, soulmates for well over seventeen years and Yoongi remembers how it was with them when they were all enrolled in the same university. They're his best friends and he used to be bitter towards the fact that they had found each other, but he is older and wiser and has kids of his own and he knows it is not his place to curse those fortunate enough to find the other half of their stardust.

So he leads the way across the street to the cafe they frequent and places their orders, paying for all three of them once Jimin has finally decided on what he’ll be having today (Yoongi doesn’t get why he order something different every day, but as long as the younger is happy, he doesn’t really care). Yoongi walks to their usual booth and sits across from the couple, letting his elbows rest on the shiny tabletop as he leans his chin into his palms.

His wrist is tingling as it has been doing all weekend and Yoongi knows what that means, knows what will happen when his timer runs out, but he isn't sure he's ready. There is too much on his plate for him to fuss over one thing at a time. As a parent, Yoongi's own worries are usually pushed into the shadows, something that eventually began to set Dasom's teeth on edge when they were still married, but he found it helps more often than not. He rarely spends a moment worrying about himself and instead focuses on his sons’ problems.

Soulmates are important and back in college, Yoongi despised the timer on his wrist. He thought it would never end, but then he graduated, met Dasom and got married. He had kids and then got divorced, but Seokjin and Namjoon are his world. Nothing could ever replace them in his heart. So meeting his soulmate would have made him shit his pants back in college.

Now that he's older and a little wiser, he is pretty sure he can keep a level head on for this.

"Hyung," Hoseok speaks up suddenly, eyeing Yoongi's exposed wrist while he wrings his own hands together in front of him. "Your timer. Why didn't you say anything?"

Yoongi shrugs, lips pursed as he leans back into his seat. "Didn't think it was important."

"But, hyung," Jimin starts, frowning at him from across the table, "you're gonna meet your soulmate in less than two hours. That's a really big deal."

"Can we just drop it, please? I'm trying my best not to freak out over it already and I don't want to ruin that by discussing it with you two," Yoongi shoots back, looking up to meet their unimpressed stares.

Hoseok snorts, but nods and deflates, leaning into Jimin's side thoughtlessly with an exaggerated smile. Jimin smiles at him as he shifts ever so slightly to accommodate his soulmate in his space, leaving Yoongi more than relieved when someone calls out their order number.

Yoongi stands to grab their food and returns to the table soon after, rolling his eyes when he sees Hoseok laid out across Jimin's lap in the booth. Hoseok descends upon the food once Yoongi sets it down and any talk of soulmates disappear.

Lunch passes by uneventfully and Yoongi is surprised that his friends were actually able to keep their thoughts to themselves, but Yoongi knows that they are only biding their time. He will have to find some way to avoid them when he's leaving to pick up Seokjin and Namjoon. He doubts that is actually possible considering how nosy they are, but he hopes that once ー just once ー they will give him the space he has kindly asked for.

When they return to work, Yoongi is sandwiched between his best friends from the moment they left the cafe and to the elevator ride up. Fortunately, they work on separate floors since Hoseok and Jimin are choreographers and they pause as they step out of the elevator one floor below Yoongi's.

They exchange glances in silent communication and Yoongi sighs, pressing his hands to their backs as he all but shoves them out.

"I'll be fine. I just need to focus on other things," Yoongi murmurs, meeting their gazes so they know he's being serious. "I appreciate you two for caring, but let me handle this the best way I know how to. Alright?"

Jimin caves first but his soulmate is close behind. Hoseok sighs dramatically as he pats Yoongi on the back. "Fine. But if you need anything ー and you know I mean anything ー don't hesitate to call us. Love you, hyung."

Yoongi chuckles and pushes them completely out of the elevator, waiting until the doors are beginning to slide closed again before he says. "Yeah, I love you brats too."

Jimin waves as the doors close and Yoongi is left alone again.

❧

Yoongi is not as calm as he thought he would be.

His mind keeps running through what feels like a thousand different scenarios on how he would meet his soulmate. Each and every time his mind plays through one, his soulmate is always someone different. A man, a woman, someone who identifies with neither. It morphs. He still has time to think about this.

Is Yoongi nervous? Absolutely.

There is too much at stake for this to go as smoothly as he wishes for it to go. Yoongi's a father. He's divorced and old , well not very old but still old enough to know he should not dive head first into things anymore. What if his soulmate is still in school? What if they want nothing to do with his kids? Yoongi's entire world is his sons, if his own soulmate doesn't want anything to do with them, then what is he going to do? Choose love over his children?

Of course not. What kind of father would Yoongi be then? The kind of father that shouldn't have had kids in the first place. That's the kind of father Yoongi would be if he even considered the idea of putting his soulmate before the lights of his life. Not to mention that Dasom would probably kill him for making the same mistake she did when she first met Bora.

He sighs and checks his timer, finding that he has over forty minutes before the inevitable happens. For the most part, the track he's been working on is finished and he still has time. He doesn't have to pick up Seokjin and Namjoon from school for another hour and a half.

He has plenty of time.

At least, that is what he tries to convince himself as he exits the building and starts walking.

Out in the open air, Yoongi can think a little more clearly. Spring is in full swing and Yoongi doesn't fancy the summer heat that will soon follow the cool winds currently blowing through the city. The sun is out and maybe if he happened to be closer to a park, he could hear birds chirping, but Yoongi quickly decides that the sounds of the city aren't a great soundtrack to keep his thoughts occupied. They will not distract him enough to stop fretting over his first meeting with his soulmate so he sticks his earbuds in and spends over ten minutes deciding what would be appropriate to listen to as he takes his walk. He settles on Hoseok's mixtape, smiling to himself with pride when the opening track begins to play.

Yoongi remembers how often Hoseok complained about his mixtape when he was making it, but he had lent an ear and helped Hoseok as much as he could. Hoseok did the same for him when he was compiling tracks for his own mixtape. He even offered to help him compose, but the dancer had turned him down, smiling wide enough that Yoongi couldn’t even fathom being offended by it. At least no one can say that Yoongi isn't a good friend.

He decides to visit the bakery a few blocks away that makes Namjoon's favorite cheese danishes, Seokjin's favorite red velvet cupcakes, and his own favorite hot chocolate. He knows without looking at his timer that he has time to spare to pick up sweets and walk back to the company before meeting his soulmate and picking up his sons from school. He is sure of this.

Yoongi focuses on the music as he walks, avoiding as much contact with others in the streets around him until the music starts to fade into the background. His feet move absentmindedly, but his mind is clearer now. He is so invested in dodging others left and right that he almost jumps out of his skin when gunshots ring in his earbuds. He had completely forgotten about focusing on the music while he made his way towards the bakery, but at least his thoughts had still been occupied with other things.

He glances around and realizes that the bakery is only two storefronts away and stops in front of one of them ー a flower shop ー to collect his thoughts about meeting his soulmate. And to decide what muffin to buy, but that's not what he's really focusing on.

Yoongi steadies his breaths, closing his eyes for a short moment as he presses his palm to his chest. His heartbeat had been picking up speed, but now it is slowing, calming down along with him. His wrist is tingling again, this time a little more frantically than before, but he ignores it. He still has time, the walk to the bakery is only twenty or so minutes unless he gets caught up in a crowd. Which he had been, but that would only delay him by five to ten minutes at most.

He still has time.

Yoongi's wrist practically burns when he opens his eyes and breathes out steadily again. He takes another step and sets his gaze on the bakery door, pushing everything to the back of his mind.

He has time. No matter how much his wrist is starting to ache and his vision is going fuzzy at the edges. Sweat is building on his brow and his hands are shaking but Yoongi forces himself to take another step. Hoseok's mixtape is down to its last track.

Yoongi's so sure of the fact he still has time, that he completely misses the flower shop's door opening and someone stepping out quickly, bumping right into him.

It feels like lightning has struck his hand as flowers are crushed between his chest and that of the stranger he has just knocked into. Yoongi stumbles back immediately, blinking up to look at the face of a young, young man who is too, too pretty. A hand reaches out to grab his arm and steady him, the flowers still clutched tightly in the stranger's other hand.

Yoongi has bumped into more people than he can count in his lifetime. He is thirty-six and he can't remember a time when someone has literally knocked the breath out of him before.

The stranger stares at him as Yoongi slowly regains his bearings, stepping back and out of his grip easily.

Yoongi's hand is in pain, shocks shooting up his arm, making it hard for him to focus on what’s going on. He holds his wrist up to his line of sight and freezes.

His timer reads 00:00.

Yoongi is out of time.

The man in front of him, Yoongi's soulmate , is looking at his wrist too, mouth open in shock before he looks back up to meet Yoongi's startled gaze. He shifts closer, catching a glance of Yoongi's timer while he holds his own wrist out, his timer mirroring Yoongi's. His doe eyes are blown wide in wonder and Yoongi hates this. He hates soulmates so much.

Yoongi does not know his name, does not know anything about him, but he is afraid anyway.

He is too young. Much too young to be a stepfather for his kids ー or to even be thinking about having kids ー and Yoongi knows that not all soulmates end up together, that not all marry and have a life together, but Yoongi can barely think right now.

All he can focus on is the fact that his soulmate looks much too young, too innocent for Yoongi's fucked up state to be okay with. He’s going to ruin them both, Yoongi’s almost sure of it.

His soulmate is opening his mouth, probably to introduce himself, but Yoongi steps back. He steps back and cowers away from his soulmate.

When his soulmate's face crumples with the realization that Yoongi is not responding well, is pulling away from him, Yoongi does the only thing he can do.

He turns and runs, his breath burning in his lungs as his heart rattles dangerously in its cage.

Yoongi hates soulmates so much.

❧

With his forehead pressed to the steering wheel of his car, Yoongi tries to calm his breathing.

He doesn't know how long he has sat hunched over in the front seat of his car, but his hands are still shaking and his chest trembles with each gulp of air he inhales.

Yoongi has not had a breakdown since Dasom asked him for a divorce. He did not have one when Seokjin lost his soulmate and he did not have one when Namjoon met his either. Yet, he is here having another one and all because he met his soulmate.

After running away, Yoongi headed right back to the company building, not daring to head inside. He ran past the front entrance and made a beeline for his car. He knows that when he returns later, Hoseok and Jimin are probably going to be nosing around him for a few hours, but Yoongi really wishes they didn't care so much. He is a fully functioning adult and he should not be reduced to a shriveling mess just because he met his soulmate, it's absurd.

Yoongi raises his head from his steering wheel and sits back in his seat, head tilted up. His breaths are coming easier now and Yoongi is so relieved that he is returning to normal that he pushes any lingering thoughts about his soulmate to the back of his mind. Yoongi breathes out slowly and slides his phone out of his pocket, checking the time.

He ignores the line of zeros on his wrist when he sees he's going to be late to pick up his kids from school.

Yoongi unlocks his phone and shoots a text to the group chat he has with Seokjin and Namjoon about being a little late and waits another minute, seeing if they will respond before he starts his car. He buckles his seatbelt and checks his phone again, almost smiling when Namjoon asks if Taehyung can catch a ride with them. Yoongi types out a yes, then plugs the aux cord into his phone, putting Hoseok's mixtape on again, and pulls into the street quickly.

His hands still shake as he drives over, but his grip is steady and his breathing is even again. Yoongi switches from Hoseok's mixtape to a band that Seokjin likes when he is a few blocks away from the high school and lets the music drown everything else out for the moment.

Seokjin is standing in front of the school gates with Jaehwan by his shoulder, the both of them looking at something on Jaehwan's phone when Yoongi arrives. He pulls up by the curb and debates on whether to text Seokjin and let him know he is here but then Seokjin says something that makes Jaehwan blush and kisses him on the cheek before he runs towards the car, practically bulldozing his way into the passenger's seat. Yoongi stares at him, eyes wide, and looks up to see that Jaehwan is still blushing and holding a hand to his cheek as he stares at Seokjin's back.

"Dad, drive," Seokjin whispers fervently, the click of his seatbelt loud in the following silence. "Before Jae tries getting into the car, please."

Yoongi blinks at him, brow raised in question and smiles when he realizes that Seokjin's face is flushed a bright pink, teeth worrying his bottom lip. "Jinnie. Whatー"

"Dad, please. I'll tell you while you drive."

And with that, Yoongi drives.

"So," Yoongi prompts when they reach the next stoplight. "You and Jaehwan?"

Seokjin's face turns even pinker, eliciting an amused grin out of Yoongi. "Uh, yeah. Maybe."

Yoongi looks back towards the road when the light turns green, his smile slowly falling off his face when he realizes he has never once seen a timer on either of Jaehwan's wrists in the nine years that he has been Seokjin's best friend. Seokjin, as if sensing Yoongi's realization, curls into himself and looks out his window, face now turned away from Yoongi.

"Does he...?" Yoongi's voice trails off, too afraid to utter the rest of his question.

"No. Jaehwan doesn't have a timer either. He was born without his," Seokjin replies, leaning against the window now. "I told him I like him today."

Yoongi blinks at the road, wanting nothing more than to be able to look at his eldest, to gauge his emotions. They are quickly approaching the middle school and Yoongi doesn't know if Seokjin wants to talk about this in front of Namjoon just yet, but he does know Seokjin wouldn't be comfortable talking about it with Taehyung in the car.

"How'd he take it?" Yoongi asks, his voice gruff when he realizes that his hands are shaking again.

Before Seokjin gets the chance to respond, his phone pings with an influx of messages, one after the other and Yoongi smiles. One confession isn't going to ruin a nine-year-old friendship between the two boys, Yoongi is sure of that.

It is only confirmed when Yoongi catches a glimpse of the soft look in Seokjin's eyes as he replies to whoever messaged him when Yoongi turns onto the street the middle school is on. Yoongi spots Namjoon and Taehyung leaning against the fence where the buses line up and drives a little past them, rolling to a stop.

Namjoon climbs into the backseat with Taehyung quickly following after him and Yoongi turns to face them, hand on the back of Seokjin's seat as he makes sure the boys put their seatbelts on before he drives away.

"Hey, Joonie, Tae. How was school?"

Namjoon shrugs, pilfering through his backpack for something, so Yoongi focuses on Taehyung instead, a welcome smile spread across his lips.

That smile dies when he realizes that Taehyung is staring at his timer, mouthing zero after zero. Yoongi freezes, breath caught in his throat because he doesn't want to talk about it, he doesn't want it to be a big deal, but he knows his kids and he knows they will want to know. And it wasn't like Yoongi was going to keep it from them, but he had not expected that he would have to tell them so soon either.

"Mr. Min," Taehyung says, a smile forming on his face as he does, "you met your soulmate. Congratulations!"

"WHAT!" Namjoon squawks, eyes immediately finding Yoongi's exposed timer. "Oh my gosh, Dad! When did this happen?"

Seokjin's hand wraps itself around Yoongi's hand, pulling it away from his seat and holding it up to his face where he can clearly read the numbers on Yoongi's pale wrist. "Dad, you met them?"

Yoongi nods because these are his kids and his kid's soulmate and he has always done his best to never lie to them before. They are family, after all, even Taehyung.

"I ー yeah," Yoongi croaks, twisting back into his seat, his free hand gripping his thigh. "Today. I met them today."

"Dad, that's amazing!" Namjoon cheers from behind him, hand outstretched to touch Yoongi's elbow. "I'm really happy you met them."

Yoongi nods and swallows, watching Seokjin across him. Seokjin is tracing the row of zeros with his fingertip, face unreadable.

His son lost his soulmate. Yoongi's eldest does not have a soulmate anymore. Namjoon has one and Seokjin is happy for him because that is his baby brother and God forbid anyone who denied his brother's happiness.

But this is Yoongi. This is his son who has gone through too much at too young of an age and Yoongi would give up his soulmate if it meant Seokjin could have his back. Even if Yoongi has finally met his soulmate, it still doesn't change this fact. Yoongi would do anything for his kids.

"I'm happy for you," Seokjin whispers, smiling down at Yoongi's wrist and Yoongi feels like his heart is breaking all over again.

Yoongi doesn't realize he is crying until Taehyung hands him a tissue, his boxy grin bright enough to blind him and Yoongi chuckles despite himself. His heart aches for his eldest, but at least he isn't angry. At least Seokjin isn't upset about the unfairness of it all. Namjoon unbuckles his seatbelt to lean around Yoongi's seat and press a kiss to his cheek, retreating just as quickly before Yoongi can reach out and keep him there. Taehyung hands him another tissue while Namjoon puts his seatbelt back on and Yoongi grins when Seokjin pats his hand as a form of comfort.

The sound of a bus engine revving behind them reminds Yoongi of where they are. He quickly wipes his face clean while thanking the boys, then double-checks that they all have their seatbelts on before he pulls away from the school. Seokjin changes the music to an album that Namjoon likes and Yoongi spends the drive to Dasom's home worrying his bottom lip.

They drop off Taehyung on the way, his lanky form looking incredibly small compared to the apartment complex he walks into. Yoongi hates dropping Taehyung off — but not in a way that most may be thinking. It sets his teeth on edge when he watches the eleven-year-old go, his body too skinny, his bones too frail. Yoongi knows that Taehyung has a large appetite and he is always going through their fridge when he's over, but Yoongi has never minded that. He enjoys giving his son's soulmate a warm, welcome place to stay for a few hours and his heart spikes with happiness when he sees that Taehyung is eating well with his own two eyes.

Yoongi doesn't know anything about Taehyung's home life, has never met either of his parents, but he can tell that they are struggling. All of Taehyung's socks have holes in them, half of his clothes are hand-me-downs and sometimes, Taehyung eats like he has not done so in days . Yoongi doesn't want to assume anything, he doesn't, but he really hopes he gets the chance to meet Taehyung's parents soon.

Taehyung waves goodbye from the front gate and Yoongi doesn't drive away until the gate clangs shut behind the young boy. Namjoon stares after him, a worried look on his face that Yoongi does his best not to overanalyze.

After that, they drive to Dasom's place in relative silence. Seokjin changes the music a few more times, checking Yoongi's recent plays to choose something else. Yoongi almost flinches when Hoseok's mixtape begins to play, his encounter with his soulmate while listening to it still fresh, but Namjoon and Seokjin love their Uncle Hobi and were even more excited about his mixtape than Hoseok initially was so Yoongi pretends like everything is just fine.

Yoongi parks in front of a house in the suburbs, the tiles a bright tan color with white outside walls to accompany it. Bora is on the porch, sitting on the swing Yoongi and Dasom set up when they first got the place, sipping from a water bottle as she reads something on her phone. Sometimes, it still hits Yoongi in the gut that Dasom moved on so easily, but Bora is an amazing woman and, even if they did fall out of love, Yoongi knows that Dasom deserves happiness and love.

Yoongi turns in his seat to find Seokjin and Namjoon unbuckling their seatbelts, gathering their things before they get out. Yoongi turns off the engine and holds his keys in his hand as they do, waiting until they are done so that he can have their full attention as he speaks.

"I'll pick you guys up at the usual time. Do you want to have dinner here or takeout with me?" Yoongi asks, brow raised in question.

Namjoon and Seokjin exchange glances, nod, then turn back to meet Yoongi's gaze as they simultaneously say, "Takeout."

Yoongi laughs, ruffling Seokjin's hair while Namjoon takes off his jacket and picks up his backpack. "Alright. Does chicken sound good?"

Both his sons nod, making him laugh again, and Yoongi almost forgets about the whole soulmate business until Namjoon leans forward and tilts his head up towards Yoongi to ask, "When can we meet your soulmate, Dad?"

Yoongi does his best not to freeze up again and tries for a smile, pretends like everything is just fine as he says, "I don't know. I'll have to ask. But..."

He trails off, eyes wide when both his sons only keep his gaze, waiting patiently for him to finish. Yoongi sighs and rubs his temples.

"You guys want to meet them? You really do?"

"Of course!" his sons shout, eyes bright and cheeks pink with excitement.

Yoongi screams inside his head as he nods and smiles at them, gesturing to where Bora is still sat on the porch swing. "Alright. I'll talk to them about it and have them over for dinner later this week. Sound good?"

"Yep!" Seokjin trills, smile wide.

Yoongi just keeps making things worse for himself. How is he even going to find his soulmate again ?

Seokjin and Namjoon file out of the car after that, backpacks in hand as all three of them walk up the path. Yoongi hugs them goodbye and watches as his sons greet Bora with a kiss to her cheek and then scamper past the screen door.

Bora stands up from the swing and hugs Yoongi, grabbing hold of his wrist when their embrace ends. She stares at the zeroes, eyes sparkling as she looks up to meet his gaze, questions tumbling out of her at full force. Yoongi answers them all with a smile and he really needs to stop digging his own grave already because soon he will be too far underground to get back out.

She gives her congrats, patting him on the back as he turns back to the car with a goodbye on the tip of his tongue. He's grateful Dasom is still at work because she would see right through his lies and demand the real story. She has known him for far too long to not know when something is bothering him or when he’s lying through his teeth. With Bora working from home, she's almost always home, making her the perfect person to watch the boys while Yoongi and Dasom are still at work. Yoongi picks them up when he's done at work, usually arriving later than Dasom and sometimes they will all sit down for dinner, but most nights, he, Seokjin, and Namjoon are sat around their own dining table.

Yoongi gets back into his car and waves goodbye as Bora gathers her things before entering the house and Yoongi takes this moment to press his forehead to the steering wheel again.

He is so screwed.

❧

Once Yoongi returns to work, he locks himself up in his studio.

He knows that Hoseok and Jimin are dying to know everything, considering they were waiting by the elevator to ambush him, but that is also why he had taken the stairs instead. He had passed a few trainees who skittered away from him in a flash and other producers who had their lips pressed together in a tight line. Yoongi must have looked angrier than he usually does if the terror and frustration he’s feeling only made his expression sour even more due to his “resting bitch” face as Hoseok likes to call it. Yoongi had dashed into his studio and pressed his back against the door after he'd locked it behind him, waiting to see if Hoseok and Jimin would ever notice. 

They still haven't and it has been over ten minutes now. Yoongi barely hears the elevator doors ding as they open and then muffled shouting rings out, but it is enough to calm him. His best friends only leave him alone once he has successfully gotten away from them, getting the hint that he needs to be alone and doesn't want to talk about it yet. He has work to do and the longer he can ignore everything that happened today, the sooner he can finish his work and go back to his sons. His phone chimes with a new message and Yoongi takes it out of his pocket as he makes sure that the studio door really is locked.

He sits on his swivel chair and unlocks his phone, the text from Hoseok staring back at him.

SeokSeok-ah: you can't escape us after work! you have a couple minutes until our friend shows up btw so make sure the track is ready and let us know how that goes, please! :3

Yoongi locks his phone and sets it aside, not bothering to reply as he grabs hold of the mouse for his computer, watching it power up. After he does the routine check of his electrical keyboard and devices, he pulls up the track for the demo.

He really, really hopes that the vocalist coming in will fit the feeling of this song. Yoongi wants it done as soon as possible so he can go home early tonight and maybe even help Seokjin with his homework if he can. He plays over a certain part that has been nagging him and tries to change it up, messing with a few effects and layers on his computer. It is not until there is a knock on his studio door that Yoongi remembers he was waiting for someone.

Yoongi lurches out of his seat and cracks his knuckles before opening the door, unsuspecting of anything. He comes face-to-face with clavicles and lets his gaze trail up, freezing on the spot.

It's his goddamn soulmate.

Yoongi’s brain quiets for a few moments as he processes this bit of important information. He has only met his soulmate once, earlier in the day actually, but he can not very well just forget how he looks like either. Yoongi’s soulmate has a small mouth with a mole right underneath his bottom lip, but he also has large front teeth that jut out a little when he opens his mouth. His doe eyes are big and brown, practically glittering in the low light of Yoongi’s studio and making it appear as if stars have taken up residence in those chocolate orbs. His dark brown hair is parted and a bit long so he could definitely use a haircut, except Yoongi can’t talk either seeing as his own hair is blonde and shoulder-length, still pulled up into a bun at the moment. He’s clearly athletic as well, judging by the looks of his pecs and biceps, his thin white shirt accentuating both physical aspects. Yoongi has no idea if that was intentional, but the shirt is flattering enough and he stands by what he thought the first time he saw him: his soulmate is too pretty.

How did he even find Yoongi? Did he follow him back to the company and wait until Yoongi got back to ask around about him? It wouldn't have been that hard now that Yoongi thinks about it. He looks distinct enough but he is surprised that the stranger could remember him from a single, incredibly brief encounter with destiny.

His soulmate is still wide-eyed, mouth gaping, and Yoongi peeks past him into the hallway, sighing in relief when he doesn't catch any glimpses of anybody else. Good. That will make this particular conversation less embarrassing.

Yoongi steps back and holds the door open, motioning for his soulmate to come in. When his soulmate only stares back at him, clearly nervous and unsure of whether Yoongi actually means for him to pass through, Yoongi sighs and takes hold of his arm, pulling him inside. He locks the door behind him and rests his forehead against it hoping with all his might that no one got the wrong idea if they happened to see them in the hallway and that this conversation to come won't take a few years off his life.

"Did you follow me?" Yoongi asks, turning around to face his soulmate, arms crossed over his chest as he leans his back on the door behind him.

His soulmate's mouth closes with a sharp clack of teeth that makes Yoongi wince. He shakes his head no, doe eyes raking up and down Yoongi's body before settling on a place right above Yoongi's head to avoid eye contact. Yoongi grits his teeth and wraps his fingers around his arms, keeping himself as still as possible, trying in vain to not let his annoyance with the situation get the better of him.

"Then how did you find me, kid? It's not like I told you where I work," Yoongi spits out.

"Uh," his soulmate starts out eloquently, brows coming together in thought. "J-Jimin saidー"

Yoongi's arms fall to his sides, shock striking him dumb. "You're the friend Hoseok and Jimin recommended to me for the vocals?"

His soulmate nods, biting his lip as he finally meets Yoongi's gaze. Yoongi's face pinches together in frustration and he sighs, pressing a hand to his forehead as he walks past Jeongguk to settle in his workspace. Of course, his soulmate just happened to be a friend of his own best friends and the one person both would send his way for a track.

Today just keeps getting worse and worse. Yoongi is sure he is losing his mind.

"Great," Yoongi mutters under his breath, "not only is my soulmate a kid, the universe just keeps throwing him at me too."

"I'm not a kid," his soulmate murmurs behind him, reminding Yoongi yet again that his muttering is never as quiet as he wants it to be. "I'm thirty-one and my name's Jeongguk. Jeon Jeongguk."

Yoongi looks up to frown at his soulmate, not liking how tall he is when Yoongi's sitting down, but at least relieved that he isn't as young as Yoongi originally thought he was. "Yoongi. I just turned thirty-six."

Jeongguk smiles at him, but Yoongi can tell that he is still nervous by his fidgeting hands. As much as Yoongi would like to kick him out and never to speak to him again, he promised his kids they would all have dinner together at the end of the week and maybe when he gets home tonight, he won’t have to lie about it. On top of that, Yoongi has a job to do.

He sighs as he stands, moving towards the other computer to print the music sheet and lyrics as well then starts flips switches and turns dials on the tiny soundboard in the corner of his studio. Jeongguk moves out of his way every time Yoongi walks past him and Yoongi appreciates it because neither of them knows what they should be doing, but Yoongi is at work and that means he has to be professional.

Yoongi sits him down in front of the mic set up beside the soundboard and lays the sheets out, explaining what he wants Jeongguk to do exactly. Jeongguk nods and hums, listening to Yoongi's directions with rapt attention. Despite the awkwardness in the air around them and how hyperaware Yoongi is of their proximity, he's glad they're both focusing on this instead.

Yoongi takes his place at the soundboard and makes a few more adjustments before he lets the track begin to play. He knows that the track would be considered perfect to the untrained ear, knows how many other producers and composers alike are envious of his abilities, but what Yoongi did not expect was to be completely mesmerized by Jeongguk's singing.

Jeongguk's voice is so sweet. So sweet and undeniably pleasing. His eyes are glued to the sheets in front of him and it is not until they're nearing the end of the first take that Yoongi realizes what the track itself was missing. He scurries over to his computer and makes the needed modifications to the part he wasn't completely happy with and tweaks it enough until he is finally ー finally ー content with the instrumentals and saves it. Jeongguk had stopped singing the second Yoongi left the soundboard and Yoongi briefly apologizes to him as he comes back with the new track and plays it.

Jeongguk starts to sing again, just as amazing as the first time that Yoongi can feel his heart beating in his ears. His soulmate sings better than he talks, graceful perhaps. Yoongi doesn't know how to describe it, but he does know that he has found the voice he was looking for at least.

They record the vocals a few more times, Yoongi aching to be in one of the company's actual recording studios where Jeongguk's voice would really shine. Jeongguk doesn't look disappointed by Yoongi’s setup though so they continue to work, a few hours passing by without either of the two even noticing.

It isn't until Yoongi plays the track all the way through that he turns to meet Jeongguk's gaze, smiling with satisfaction singing in his veins. Jeongguk doesn't look as tense anymore, but he still seems hesitant as he smiles back at Yoongi.

Yoongi takes the new track back to one of his computers and makes a few adjustments. Jeongguk watches as he works, the awkwardness between them building until Yoongi has no other choice but to make small talk to clear the air.

"Were you a trainee here? Is that how you know Hoseok and Jimin?" Yoongi asks.

He listens to his soulmate shift in his seat, not wanting to take his eyes off the screen just yet. "Um, yeah. Hobi-hyung helped me with my dancing and Jimin-hyung hooked me up with a really cool vocal coach."

Yoongi nods, humming under his breath. "Why did you leave the company?"

"I was getting too old. I became a trainee when I was just thirteen and by the time I was twenty-five, I knew I didn't have a chance to debut," Jeongguk responds, stilling Yoongi in front of his computer.

"Y-You were a trainee for twelve years?" Yoongi chokes out, something he can't pinpoint clogging up his throat. When Yoongi looks over to see Jeongguk nod, he keeps his gaze and swallows down the lump in his throat, slowly turning back to look at his computer again. "What did you do after that?"

"Finished school. Worked part-time jobs. I'm a photographer now," Jeongguk murmurs. "I didn't really want to do anything concerning singing ever again after I left the company, but Jimin and Hobi-hyung begged me to help you and I eventually caved."

"Huh," Yoongi huffs out, saving the finished track. He loads the demo onto a new USB and waits as it finishes transferring before he unplugs it and labels it with a marker, setting it aside as he turns his chair to meet Jeongguk's gaze. "Thanks, by the way. I know it was really weird earlier and I just want to apologize for running from you. You caught me by surprise and I was late for something too."

Jeongguk nods, biting his lip as he looks down at his hands in his lap. "Is it because of how young I look? Jimin's always telling me he's jealous of how I manage to look like I'm still twenty-five."

Yoongi sighs and tilts his head to look up at the ceiling. "I'll be honest and say yes. I thought you were, like, twenty-six and I really didn't want my soulmate to be ten years younger than me."

"I understand," Jeongguk says simply, still looking down at his lap before his gaze shoots up suddenly to pin Yoongi to his seat. “You know, when I came out of the flower shop, those flowers were meant to be for you, but…”

“I’m sorry,” Yoongi murmurs with a wince, thinking of Jeongguk bright and excited to meet his soulmate, deciding to buy them flowers only to have them crushed by said soulmate without a word even being exchanged between them.

Silence engulfs them, the tension creeping back. Yoongi hates how fast his heart is racing, hates how sweaty his palms feel. He breathes in and out steadily, already hating what he's about to do. He grabs a pen and flips his notebook open to a blank page and quickly scribbles on it before he tears it out and faces Jeongguk again. Jeongguk's looking at him now, doe eyes big and brown...and beautiful to Yoongi's dismay.

"Look," Yoongi starts, holding the piece of paper in his hand out for Jeongguk to take, "here is my number. I don't know you and you don’t know me either. Therefore, we can’t really agree on anything until you know everything you need to know about me first, so come over to my place on Friday and meet my kids."

Yoongi winces when Jeongguk's breath catches, eyes as big as saucers now. "...Kids?"

"Yeah," Yoongi says with a frown, leaning back in his chair as he crosses his arms over his chest. "Two boys. One's fourteen, the other's twelve and they're the lights of my life. Is that going to be a problem for you?"

Yoongi regrets how harsh he sounds. His soulmate knows nothing of Yoongi and to assume that Jeongguk is opposed to his children is a bad start to this possible relationship. Even if he doesn’t like children, it is not his soulmate’s fault that Yoongi has already had them with someone else.

Jeongguk looks calmer when he finally responds, his small mouth curled into a barely there smile. "I mean, I didn't expect for my soulmate to have kids when I finally met them, but at least now I know why you didn't want me to be so young."

Yoongi nods, arms still crossed as he waits. Jeongguk tilts his head to the side and doesn't let his gaze waver from Yoongi's.

"It won't be a problem. I'd really like to meet them as long as they want to meet me too."

It almost feels like Yoongi can breathe again when Jeongguk smiles at him, the most sincere one he has seen yet. He sags into his chair and lets his arms fall onto his lap, a smile curling the edges of his own mouth.

"They'd really like to meet you. Seokjin would have probably throttled me if I hadn't found you again," Yoongi says with a chuckle.

Jeongguk stills in his seat, eyes blown wide once more. "Y-you told your kids about me?"

Yoongi shrugs, not knowing whether to keep smiling or not. "Well, yeah. I mean, they're my kids. Why wouldn't I tell them?"

His soulmate stares at him for another moment, cheeks growing pink with each passing second. Yoongi picks at his lip, feeling embarrassed for some reason. At least the awkwardness has dissipated. But he also can't deny just how pretty Jeongguk looks with rosy cheeks and big, glistening eyes. Jeongguk smiles at him and Yoongi’s heart lodges itself in his throat, almost choking him.

"I'd love to meet your children. I'll text you later so I can get all the details about dinner," Jeongguk murmurs between them, leaving Yoongi to bite his lip to keep him from saying something he really shouldn't. "I'm really glad that I met you."

Yoongi bites his lip harder, keeping himself from saying, Me too .

❧

Dinner is actually going very well. Yoongi almost can't believe how normal it has been.

Jeongguk is all smiles, cracking jokes now and again. He laughs at all of Seokjin's too, smiling encouragingly at Namjoon whenever the youngest of Yoongi's sons says something.

"Who is the leader of all the school supplies?" Seokjin asks through giggles and Yoongi can't help but smile when Namjoon rolls his eyes at his older brother.

"I don't know. Who?" Jeongguk plays along, smiling wide at him.

Seokjin's face turns red with the suppression of his laughter, trying his best to drop the punchline. "T-The ru-ruler!"

Yoongi's heart pangs in his chest at the sound of Jeongguk's laugh smoothly intermingling with Seokjin and Namjoon's. So far, everything has been so great, conversation flowing easily. Yoongi doesn't know what that means, but it stands out and that at least should tell him something about its importance.

Yoongi had actually cooked tonight, making his signature dish of chicken, rice, and some leftover kimchi that Bora had given them the day before. Yoongi has also provided banana milk because Namjoon likes it a lot with chicken and he had to fight back a laugh when Jeongguk had eagerly snatched one up.

The conversation at the table hasn't once fumbled either. They jump from topic to topic. Yoongi didn't expect for the night to go so well, especially when Jeongguk showed up in a button up shirt and slacks with a bouquet of flowers in hand, practically shaking in his boots. Yoongi had invited him in, accepted the flowers, and introduced him to Seokjin and Namjoon, watching them as he sought out a vase for the flowers. After that, Seokjin had set the table and Namjoon sat Jeongguk down as Yoongi brought out the food.

Now that they are almost done eating, Seokjin is itching to take Jeongguk to their balcony before Yoongi sends his sons to bed. Yoongi agrees because he can hardly say no to his kids, but also because he would appreciate a little time to unwind as well.

Their conversation transfers from the table to the sink, and then outside to the balcony where Yoongi brings out sweet iced tea for them. They perch on the stiff plastic chairs Yoongi had recently purchased and then look to the sky.

Seokjin is practically vibrating with excitement as he speaks and Yoongi can hear Namjoon naming all the constellations they can see under his breath.

Seokjin shoots up suddenly and points up, pulling on Jeongguk's sleeve as he shouts, "Look! It's a shooting star! Since you're our guest, you get to make a wish on it. Hurry! You have to make a wish!"

Yoongi wants to tell Seokjin to calm down and let Jeongguk go at his own pace, but his soulmate already has his eyes closed and brows furrowed in thought. Namjoon sits beside them, watching the shooting star finish its path across the skyline. Yoongi doesn't know what to say, doesn't know if he should tell Seokjin to stop shaking Jeongguk so much or to let it happen.

"What did you wish for?" Seokjin asks as soon as Jeongguk has opened his eyes.

Jeongguk smiles at him, smiling even wider when Seokjin only grins back in encouragement. "I wished for another shooting star so you could make a wish."

Yoongi has been in love before, was in love for a very long time before it fell through. He experiences love every day that he is fortunate enough to wake up to. He knows what love is, knows how it feels. And this feeling thrumming inside him as Jeongguk finishes speaking and both of his sons gasp at his soulmate's response isn't love.

It is only the beginning.

"...Oh my gosh!" Seokjin shouts, throwing his arms around Jeongguk's neck in a hug. "Dad! You have to keep him! He's too pure, we must protect him!"

Yoongi guffaws from his seat, wrangling Seokjin off his soulmate when Jeongguk pleads silently with him to do something before Seokjin strangles him. "Come on, Jinnie. Time for you and Joonie to go to bed."

His kids whine at first, but all it takes is one look from Yoongi to get them to go quietly. Seokjin hugs Jeongguk again, murmuring a goodnight to him before Namjoon shakes his hand and bids him goodnight as well. Then they both kiss Yoongi goodnight and file inside. Yoongi watches them, stern expression cracking when Seokjin winks at him as he shuts the sliding door behind him.

“That shooting star was beautiful,” Jeongguk says wistfully from his chair, grabbing Yoongi’s attention immediately. “I wish I had my camera on me. You can’t really see the stars in this city, but I bet your view of the sunrise and sunset is amazing, am I right?”

Yoongi chuckles under his breath, smiling despite himself. “Yeah, whenever I’m lucky enough to catch either one from out here, it’s beautiful. Do your photos focus on nature, perhaps?”

“Yeah. I’ve found that people are harder to catch, so I mostly take commissions for nature shots and whatnot,” Jeongguk replies, staring up at the sky before he lets his gaze meet Yoongi’s and holds it there, something warm and undescribable hiding in the depths of his eyes.

Yoongi looks away after another moment, finding the staring between them a bit too intense. His face is flushing, but he tries to focus on what Jeongguk said instead of the stars reflected in his eyes. The younger must be feeling a little overwhelmed with all that has happened tonight so Yoongi takes a deep breath and lets his mind clear, focusing on the here and now.

"I'm sorry if they were too much tonight," Yoongi says when he turns back around to face Jeongguk again, a smile barely there on his face.

Jeongguk stands and shakes his head, smiling wide at Yoongi. "They're wonderful. Seokjin's really funny and it's almost scary how smart Namjoon is. They're great kids, Yoongi-ssi."

Yoongi shakes his head, holding his hand out in front of him. "Just call me hyung. You don't have to be so formal, you know."

"Does that mean..?" Jeongguk gasps, trailing off as if unable or unwilling to finish his thought.

But Yoongi knows what Jeongguk is asking. He knows what Jeongguk is hoping for and it eases Yoongi more than he thought it would knowing how well Jeongguk and his kids get along. So Yoongi smiles and turns his outheld hand so his palm is facing up, offering it to Jeongguk.

"I'm willing to try," Yoongi murmurs, biting his lip when Jeongguk's palm slides across his own. "I think you can understand why I'm being so cautious and how big of a deal this is for me. I fell in love almost sixteen years ago with someone who wasn't my soulmate ー wasn't you ー and that fell apart before I could even blink. I got the two things I treasure more than my own life out of it, but it also taught me that I shouldn't love carelessly either."

Yoongi doesn't know how he expects for Jeongguk to react, but when the younger steps forward and pulls Yoongi close, Yoongi goes willingly. He tips his head up to look at Jeongguk's face and is struck dumb by the sight of his smile.

The whole thing about soulmates and stardust and exploding stars rings with honesty as Yoongi looks into the gaze of his soulmate, the stars of the night sky in his soulmate’s eyes staring back at him.

"We'll take it slow," Jeongguk murmurs, pushing Yoongi's long hair behind his ear. "I'll prove myself to you that I want to stay. That I want you and your kids. As long as you give me that chance, we will be fine, hyung."

Yoongi is thirty-six years old and has been in love only once. He has two kids, two best friends, but maybe, when his time comes, he will be able to say he fell in love twice. If Jeongguk means what he says and if Yoongi gives him that chance, he is more than sure that he will have two of everything that he loves when it is time.

So he smiles and closes his eyes, burying himself in Jeongguk's hold as they stand out on the balcony, under the stars for anyone to see.

❧

"You look nice," Yoongi says, eyes unable to tear themselves away from Jeongguk's tiny waist.

Jeongguk flushes in front of him, jittery and nervous as he plays with the cuffs of his button-down shirt. "Thank you. You do too, hyung."

Yoongi smiles in response, more than relieved when a waiter finally shows them to their table. Jeongguk pulls out Yoongi's seat for him, smiling politely at the waiter when the man hands them their menus and asks what they will have to drink. Yoongi asks for water, smiling to himself when Jeongguk orders a fruity drink that he is pretty certain is meant for the younger patrons that visit this restaurant.

Their waiter smiles at them as he jots down their drinks then disappears with the promise to return with their beverages and to take their food orders. Yoongi flips through the menu quickly and settles for a lasagna, only glancing up to see how Jeongguk is faring when he still hasn't said anything. Jeongguk's menu is drawn up to his face, blocking him from Yoongi's sight and Yoongi fights back a laugh, disguising it as a cough as best as he can.

Jeongguk sets the menu down when the waiter comes back with their drinks. Yoongi requests the lasagna and hands the waiter his menu while Jeongguk stumbles over his own order twice until he manages to ask for their cheese ravioli, face colored a dull red as he gives his menu back to the waiter as well. Their waiter leaves once more, smiling at the two of them with what Yoongi is certain is fake enthusiasm.

"Are you okay?" Yoongi asks when Jeongguk continues to fidget with his napkin and avoid Yoongi's eyes.

"Uh, yeah, I'm fine! Peachy!" Jeongguk yelps, briefly looking up at Yoongi before dropping his gaze. "Everything's great!"

Yoongi almost laughs. Jeongguk really is a terrible liar.

"Alright. What's up?" Yoongi asks, laying his hands over Jeongguk's to keep them still. "You're nervous and I want to know why."

Jeongguk steadies his breath, eyelashes fluttering. Yoongi leans across the table even further to let his thumb brush where Jeongguk's timer had stopped and he smiles when Jeongguk's shoulders finally relax.

"Sorry. I'm just not used to this," Jeongguk murmurs.

Yoongi only pats his hands comfortingly, grinning at his soulmate. "To what? First dates?"

Jeongguk nods, biting his lip. Yoongi almost wants to laugh, but he doesn't know how well Jeongguk would take that so he tightens his grip on Jeongguk's hands instead and lowers his voice until only the two of them are able to hear it.

"The last time I went on a first date was back in college," Yoongi starts, pleased when Jeongguk's large eyes snap open to pin him to his seat. "I'm well out of practice for how these should go so don't worry about it, Gukk-ah. We're taking things slow, remember?"

"I ー yeah," Jeongguk agrees, looking relieved enough to slump in his seat, "you're right, hyung. Thank you."

Yoongi lets go of his hands when he spots their waiter returning with their food, smiling with reassurance at his soulmate. "Anytime."

Jeongguk smiles at him then and Yoongi's stomach rumbles with hunger (or so he thought as he discovers they were butterflies later on). Their waiter arrives and sets their food down, apologizing for not bringing their breadsticks earlier, but Yoongi only waves it off, feeling the lightest he has felt in a long time.

As they eat, Jeongguk talks openly with him, telling him of his college days and his fondest memories as a trainee. Yoongi groans sympathetically with him when he talks about how he used to have a crush on Hoseok before he realized that he and Jimin were soulmates and had to pretend like his heart hadn't been crushed afterward. Yoongi glosses over his ex-wife and how his parents felt, how he knew what he was getting into from the beginning and then gushes over Seokjin and Namjoon, heart fluttering when Jeongguk's grin grows wider with each new story Yoongi shares.

(Yoongi says nothing of Seokjin's lost soulmate, leaving that for another time ー a time where Seokjin is the one explaining it to Jeongguk because it is not Yoongi’s story to tell.)

Jeongguk isn't nervous anymore and, as the night progresses, Yoongi finds that he enjoys his company a lot. Maybe a bit more than he thought he would, but he feels like a teen again when they split the bill and hold hands as they leave the restaurant.

"Hey," Yoongi turns to face Jeongguk when they reach his car, neck tilted back in a way that he's quickly familiarizing himself with. "Tonight was great. We should do it again."

"Yeah!" Jeongguk says with surprise coloring his tone, smiling down at Yoongi. "I'd really like to see you again, hyung."

Yoongi smiles and pulls him in a for a hug, inhaling his scent as discreetly as possible. When they part, they stare at one another for a moment that stretches on forever. A breeze rushes past them and Yoongi shivers, relieved that he put his hair up for this date otherwise it would have surely slapped Jeongguk in the face just now. He is almost certain that Jeongguk is about to lean down and kiss him until he doesn’t. Jeongguk steps back and lets his arms fall to his sides, a warm smile still on his face.

Jeongguk begins to walk away, heading towards his own car that is parked only two spaces from Yoongi's own. He is not too far, Yoongi can still reach out and grip his sleeve, make him turn around and walk back until he's pressing Yoongi up against the side of his car, their lips joined in a searing kiss if he wanted to. And he does want to.

So Yoongi does just that.

He reaches out and grabs hold of Jeongguk's sleeve, spinning him back around to face him. Jeongguk is confused, but goes willingly, following along until he realizes what Yoongi is trying to silently tell him.

Yoongi's breath stutters in his lungs when Jeongguk pushes him up against his car and cups his face, leaning down slowly enough for Yoongi to turn him away at any moment he wished. But Yoongi doesn't want that, he wants this . He wants Jeongguk to kiss him already.

When their lips slot together, Yoongi feels like his body just grew another shell around itself, like he is now twice the person he was before. Soulmates are sprung from the same bit of stardust and many people have described it as two halves coming together. Yoongi never took any stock in that, not understanding why one person was only half of what they were until they met their soulmate. He has always believed that soulmates are not meant to complete a person, but to strengthen them instead, to add on and be the support they need.

Jeongguk is warm and they fit together like two puzzle pieces as they kiss. Yoongi grips his waist, holding Jeongguk's pelvis to him until every hard plane of Jeongguk’s frame is pressed up against him. Yoongi doesn't think they are going to do anything other than kiss, but he likes the way Jeongguk shadows over him this close. He likes how Jeongguk's body is big enough to cage him in and keep him exactly where he wants him. Yoongi does not like how small he is, but he does like how big Jeongguk is.

His heart is beating wildly in his chest, but Jeongguk's soft lips feel better than anything Yoongi's ever experienced and when he presses a hand to Jeongguk's chest to push him back the teensiest bit, Yoongi knows he is not the only one with a wild heart at the moment.

The spring night is breezy, but Yoongi feels hot where he is, kissing Jeongguk like he has never been kissed before.

❧

"Tonight, we're going to watch Black Panther," Seokjin announces as he sits on top of the throne of pillows he threw together on the floor.

Yoongi picks out the jewel case from their tiny stack of DVDs, smiling as he holds it out for them to see. "After this, it’s to bed. Just because it is summer now, doesn't mean you guys can stay up so late all the time. Same goes for you, Tae."

Seokjin groans dramatically, waving a hand at Yoongi as if to shoo him away. Namjoon sits beside his older brother with a blanket wrapped around his and Taehyung’s shoulders, but neither of the younger two says anything as Yoongi loads the movie into the DVD player. Namjoon fumbles for the control when Yoongi tosses it in his direction and Seokjin laughs at his younger brother, only stopping when Taehyung reaches out to pat Namjoon’s knee in consolidation. Seokjin holds the popcorn bowl out to them when Namjoon frowns at him, quickly defusing the squabble all three of them were sure to have. Yoongi watches as Namjoon takes a handful of popcorn and stuffs it into his mouth, smiling wide when Taehyung laughs at him.

Yoongi settles himself on the couch, curling around Jeongguk until he's halfway in his lap. Jeongguk presses a kiss to the side of his head, running a hand through his long hair as he shifts them around. The TV lights up and Namjoon arrives at the main menu within a few seconds to turn on subtitles.

He presses play and Yoongi settles into Jeongguk's arms, eyes focused on the screen. Jeongguk’s fingers toy with the hem of Yoongi's tank top, only settling when Yoongi shifts down and Jeongguk's palm ends up being pressed to Yoongi's waist. Yoongi isn't as bothered with the physical touches between them as much as he was a few months ago, but it still makes him feel entirely too warm whenever it happens.

The last of the spring showers have come and gone, and in rushed the scorching heat of summer to take its place. Yoongi took to wearing tank tops and sunscreen as the temperature rose, Seokjin and Namjoon following in similar outfits. Of course, Hoseok and Jimin teased all three of them about it considering Yoongi now regularly brings his sons to work. They lock themselves up in Yoongi's studio with the blissful, cool air conditioning system and generally only leave when Jeongguk knocks on the door with takeout in his hands. He always clicks his tongue at them, then frets over Seokjin and Namjoon, scolding Yoongi when they mention missing lunch because it was too hot to go across the street and eat. Yoongi blushes but tilts his head up for a kiss Jeongguk presses to his mouth anyway, eliciting a heat warmer than summer could ever offer.

Sometimes, it's just Yoongi in the studio, Namjoon and Seokjin with Bora instead (usually with Taehyung as well), and on those summer nights, Jeongguk climbs onto his lap, kissing him like they did on their first date.

Jeongguk hasn't met Dasom yet. He knows of her, has seen her photos ー has even met Bora once ー but he hasn't been in the same room as Dasom ever since he and Yoongi started seeing each other.

It is only because they're not really together yet. Sure, they hold hands, cuddle, and make out often, but they aren't quite official. Yoongi wants Jeongguk to go through Dasom first, wants to know how they will work because Jeongguk is his soulmate, but Dasom is the mother of his children. If they happened to have issues, it would negatively affect Yoongi’s sons the most and Yoongi does not want that.

Seokjin and Namjoon (and unsurprisingly, Taehyung too) love Jeongguk, but Yoongi is still afraid of all the bad things that could happen. He and Jeongguk could break up, not meant to work out in that specific way, and things would get awkward. Too awkward to remain as friends and then Jeongguk would be out of their lives. Yoongi doesn't want to jump the gun and get his children attached to every one of his potential significant others only to change his mind later on. He wants to make sure Jeongguk means it when he says he wants to stay, wants to be a part of their lives for a long time.

Yoongi also understands that Jeongguk has not had kids of his own, has not been married or ever been in a serious relationship. He knows how new and unfamiliar this must be for Jeongguk and it is another reason why they are taking things slow. It doesn't matter if they are soulmates or not, Yoongi wants to make sure that Jeongguk is thinking carefully about this before they take the next step, that Jeongguk is not doing it for all the wrong reasons.

They are taking their time and it is the biggest reason why Yoongi doesn't mind that they have not labeled anything yet.

Seokjin turns around and holds the popcorn out to them, wrenching Yoongi out of his thoughts. Jeongguk takes a fistful and Seokjin turns back to keep watching the movie as Jeongguk opens his palm for Yoongi to pick at the popcorn. Yoongi smiles as they share, focusing back on the screen.

It's just as T'Challa is pronounced as the new Black Panther that Jeongguk leans over and kisses the side of Yoongi's temple, completely unaware of how he makes Yoongi's heart race.

Things are fine exactly as they are right now, Yoongi is more than sure of that.

❧

"But what if she doesn't like me?" Jeongguk asks, trembling the slightest bit with nerves.

Yoongi pats his shoulders in sympathy, using his other hand to unbuckle his seatbelt. "She will. You're hard to dislike, Gukk-ah."

Jeongguk pouts, slowly unbuckling his own as he does. "Yeah, but she could still end up hating me, hyung. I mean, you two have kids together. She has to be protective of you guys."

"But that doesn't mean she's going to hate you either. She's just trying to make sure that she can trust you. Even if she doesn't, my feelings for you won't change. Neither will Seokjin's or Namjoon's. Take a deep breath and relax. It'll be fine," Yoongi explains, hand reaching out to push Jeongguk's hair behind his ear.

"You're right," Jeongguk sighs, leaning into Yoongi's touch for comfort, "I'm just nervous."

Yoongi smiles at him, leaning in quickly to peck Jeongguk's lips. "It'll be fine. Now let's go inside, I saw the curtain move."

"Okay," Jeongguk murmurs with a nod, opening his car door at the same time as Yoongi, "hold my hand?"

"Always, Gukk-ah," Yoongi chuckles, taking Jeongguk's hand as he leads them up the path.

The sun has just gone down and there is a light breeze blowing through the leaves. Summer has been quickly replaced by autumn, the leaves have long fallen off most of the trees in Seoul.

They celebrated Jeongguk's birthday at the beginning of September and then Namjoon's almost two weeks later. Seokjin is now in his second year of high school, dating Jaehwan, and keeping his grades up so Yoongi won't have to crack down on him. Namjoon started high school this year and is happy about attending a new school, but sad about leaving Taehyung behind in middle school. However, they still see each other every weekend, so Yoongi's sure that Namjoon is no longer as worried as he initially was. School is in full swing and so is fall, bringing about enough excuses for Yoongi to leave his hair down and wear his favorite scarves, cardigans, and beanies. Jeongguk got a haircut a while ago and Yoongi misses his longer hair, but his soulmate likes it better short and that is enough for Yoongi. Jeongguk has picked up Seokjin and Namjoon up from school a few times too, hanging out with Bora for a while as they sit out on the porch swing in front of the house, but he has yet to meet Dasom.

Which is what he is about to do now. Yoongi thought they were about ready to take the next step and Jeongguk agreed without a second thought, but he is nervous now and Yoongi can only hope that his words in the car turn out to be true.

They knock on the door and Yoongi grins when he hears Seokjin's excited whispering before familiar footsteps approach the door. It swings open to reveal Dasom herself and Yoongi cannot help the smile that spreads across his face.

Dasom smiles at them, inviting them in and immediately links her arm with Jeongguk's as she leads the way to the dining room. "Hello! You must be Jeongguk-ssi. Yoongi-yah and Bora-unnie have told me so much..."

Her voice fades out as she continues to walk away, leaving Yoongi to close the front door behind them and follow. He kisses Bora on the cheek as she stands to greet him in the dining room then hugs Namjoon and Seokjin, holding them close in his arms before releasing them. They say hello to Jeongguk and sit down at the table, wide smiles lighting up their faces. Yoongi sits across from them, taking Jeongguk's hand again as soon as Dasom releases him and lets him sit beside Yoongi. Dasom and Bora sit at either ends of the table, food laid out before them.

"Let's eat, shall we?" Bora asks, hand already lifting one of the many dishes in front of them and, without further prompting, they all dig in.

Dinner is actually very pleasant and Jeongguk even piles more food onto his plate when Seokjin brags about helping with the cooking. Namjoon laughs at his older brother saying mixing bowls and ingredients was not very helpful, but shuts up when Seokjin pinches his arm. Yoongi scolds them, telling them to play nice and Dasom laughs as she leans over to ruffle Seokjin's hair, cooing at their eldest.

Conversation is easy between the six of them and, after a little prying on Dasom's part, Jeongguk is talking animatedly about his newest photography project. He is relaxed, wide grin spread across his face and maybe Yoongi has been halfway in love with him for awhile, but now Yoongi is sure of it.

When they are done eating, Yoongi helps Dasom carry the dishes to the sink, no leftovers to fret over. Bora and Jeongguk grab the dessert from the fridge and serve Seokjin and Namjoon first before serving themselves. Yoongi turns to go back to the dining room and share some of the dessert with Jeongguk, but Dasom grabs hold of his sleeve, pausing him in his tracks.

Yoongi faces her, not knowing what to expect.

"He's a good guy, Yoongi-yah. A really good guy, especially for you," Dasom murmurs, her beautiful face calming to Yoongi somehow.

"Really?" Yoongi asks, whispering for some reason.

Dasom nods, smiling that little smile of hers that Yoongi first fell in love with all those years ago. Now, he only finds comfort like a warm blanket on a cold winter night whenever he sees it. "Of course, Yoongi. He's good to our sons, he's good to you . He's exactly what I expected your soulmate to be."

It feels like a pressing weight has been lifted off Yoongi's chest at Dasom's words. He knew she would not dislike Jeongguk, but just hearing her say this means a lot. She was his partner for a long time, one of the people he has always been able to depend on, so if she says Jeongguk is good for him, then he has to be.

"You know, when we first met," Yoongi starts to say, an amused grin on his face as he thinks back on the moment he bumped into Jeongguk, "I ran away from him. I didn't even give him the chance to tell me his name. And then we found each other again hours later that very same day because Hoseok and Jimin recommended him to me for a track I was working on."

Dasom chuckles, patting Yoongi's shoulder. "See? Even the universe is trying to keep you together."

Yoongi laughs too, embarrassed of his past behavior, but happy that he and Dasom are back to being able to joke with one another again. "Yeah, maybe I should listen to it for once."

Laughter erupts from the dining room and Yoongi and Dasom turn simultaneously to check. Seokjin has chocolate pudding on his chin and is attempting to lick it off but failing spectacularly enough to make Namjoon, Bora, and Jeongguk laugh. Yoongi's heart swells at the sight and he almost stumbles when Dasom pats his shoulder again, walking past him to get to the dinner table and grab dessert.

"You should, Yoongi-yah. He's your soulmate for a reason and I'm happy that you're happy again." 

They walk back into the dining room and Yoongi laughs at the disgruntled look on Seokjin's face when Jeongguk leans over the table and uses his thumb to wipe off the chocolate pudding on his chin.

It is as Yoongi's soulmate is leaning back into his seat that Yoongi reaches for his hand underneath the table and holds on tight, heartbeat stuttering in his chest when Jeongguk's grip is even stronger.

❧

Nearly a year later and Yoongi still sets two alarms in the morning.

His first alarm is still set ten minutes before he is meant to get up and he uses those ten minutes to study his soulmate's sleeping face beside him. After sharing his bed for a few months now, Yoongi is certain he has Jeongguk's face embedded into his memory just as firmly as he has memorized everything he knows about his sons. Yoongi is always warm in the mornings too, heart beating steadily in his chest as Jeongguk mumbles nonsense into his sternum.

It is easier to get out of bed when his second alarm goes off, so much easier, but there are still days where Yoongi struggles to get out of bed, to go about his day and act happy because that is a part of him and it is not just going to go away because he found his soulmate. Loving someone else was never going to get rid of this aspect of Yoongi’s life, but it does help to know that he is loved. It helps that Jeongguk knows when to give him his space and when to hold on tight and keep it together for the both of them. It is much easier to get out of bed now that he has three lights in his life that never burn out.

His kids are getting older and he is terrified of when they will start lashing out at him ー when they will start to hate him ー but they are happy. Jeongguk has shown him that he should not live his life by holding his breath and waiting for bad things to happen, that Yoongi should embrace it all and roll with the punches. Because his best is enough and has always been enough. Seokjin and Namjoon are happy and healthy and Yoongi shouldn't worry so much, but he is their father and he loves them more than anything in the world.

Taehyung has joined his sons at the high school, clothes looking newer and cleaner than Yoongi is used to seeing them and he is still over so often that he practically lives in their home. Yoongi has met his parents too, sympathizing with them over the cost of living in a big city like Seoul and having children on top of that. Yoongi helped them both find better jobs so they can at least make a better living. Seokjin is still with Jaehwan and looking at colleges already, something that Yoongi tries not to think about too often.

(In the back of his head, where all the negative thoughts Yoongi has ever had stay, he grows terrified that one of these days Seokjin will tell him he hates him for having a soulmate. Yoongi hates those thoughts, especially when they are about his sons, so he tries his best to ignore them. Hating those who have soulmates has probably never even crossed Seokjin’s mind due to the fact that he knows one does not need a soulmate to be happy. Whenever this thought crosses his mind though, Yoongi takes a deep breath in and calms himself, resigning to the fact that he cannot be prepared for everything and he should just be there when his sons need him.)

Most mornings, Yoongi wakes up with two alarms and gets ready for the day, setting up the coffeemaker before he goes and wakes up his sons. They greet him good morning and get ready for school while Yoongi cooks breakfast. Jeongguk pads barefoot into the kitchen while Yoongi is turning off the stove and kisses him senseless (sometimes with a camera in his hands) then helps him set the table as Seokjin and Namjoon finish up in the bathroom. They all sit down to eat breakfast together afterward and once they are done, Yoongi and his sons stand up to leave. Jeongguk makes it a point to get a goodbye kiss from Yoongi every morning, something that makes Seokjin fake gag at them and Namjoon smile.

This morning, however, Yoongi wakes up without the help of his first alarm and turns to find Jeongguk already awake.

"Morning, hyung," Jeongguk murmurs, bright-eyed and soft, curling himself around Yoongi.

Yoongi smiles and throws his arm over Jeongguk's waist, pulling himself closer. "Good morning and happy birthday, Jeongguk-ah."

Jeongguk smiles and kisses him, morning breath be damned. Yoongi lets himself be kissed, glad he has found his soulmate and fallen in love again.