Chapter Text
Transcript of speech
Date: March 23, 2036
Given by Kim Doyoung
Dr. Bae, University President:
To give the alumni speech, it would be an honour to introduce one of the pride of our university. A man who holds more than five literature awards, one of them being the most prestigious Nobel Prize in Literature, have sold more than ten hundred million copies of his books worldwide, a father of twins, and a husband to one of our very own astronauts. May I present to you, Kim Doyoung.
Kim Doyoung:
To our university president and vice president, to our deans, professors, parents and friends, and our graduates, good afternoon. I would like to start my speech with a quote that was rather popular back when I was running through these walls as I realize that I am late to class and my professor of that time won’t even allow me to step inside - credits to Sir Tan who is sitting behind me, who, despite of my attendance, still gave me one of the highest grades in class. *Pause* The quote is, and forgive me for my language: “Fuck this fucking shit. I’m sick of this fucking bullshit fucking school. I’m too tired. This better be fucking worth it.”
*Long pause and laughing*
I’m serious, everyone. Almost every student, even myself, would say this. And I know you would agree. University life is tiring. It’s either your professors are lenient or the devil incarnate, your class schedules are blessed or cursed, your classrooms are near each other or at every end of the campus. There are days where rather than drinking coffee, I would stuff my mouth with doughnuts and hope that I won’t get a stomach ache during class. There are days where my best friends wouldn’t even get to talk to each other for weeks even if they were roommates. Those were the sacrifices many of us went through. I am forty years old now and I still remember all the sacrifices I have made to be here, standing on this stage, now.
Graduates, I would like to remind you that your sacrifices will be acknowledged until you grow into the stage where you’re resting under a tree, watching your grandchildren play in the fields of freedom you have nurtured. The hard work you put on that paper that was due in six hours will be noted, pinned, and be remembered. The sweat that you experienced while running to your class for a chance of a perfect attendance will be remembered.
So, yes, it’s fucking worth it.
Years from now, when you are in the dreams you’ve been striving for, you will remember the lessons your professors gave you, the papers you have crammed, the friends you made while drunkingly walking your way through the streets, the pizza you ordered to keep you up at night, and everything you have done till this day.
And there will be more moments in your life that will make you sacrifice everything, but remember that the end of the road will be the dream you’ve been dying to build. It may take a day or a whole decade, but you shouldn’t give up on achieving them just like how you didn’t give up on your degree.
In the midst of it all, the pain and the suffering, the emotional breakdowns and parties you go to, you pushed through, and you should pat yourself at the back for doing so, because fate plays a funny game of pushing you and pulling you to see if you can withstand it’s current, and here you are, winning it.
__
May 16, 2019
It felt like he was sleeping for forever with how his limbs feel numb, with only a warm touch on his hand lingers.
Doyoung tries to open his eyes, meeting a blinding light crash over him. He thinks he’s dead, that God is real and the afterlife is his kingdom, but he suddenly hears his name, sweet in calling and a tender hold on his arm. When he finally opens his eyes, adjusting to the blur, he is met with Jaehyun, small tears on his face.
“Doyoung!” He says, his warm hand heating his own cold ones.
He notices the white walls, white sheets, and an IV drip attached to his body. It was like months ago, a feeling of dejavu.
“What? Where…” Doyoung is confused; maybe, he never actually woke up the first time he was confined, and that made him cry, remembering the pain he and his friends went through just for him.
“Baby? Why are you crying?” Doyoung only notices the cast on his right leg and a pair of crutches leaning on the wall behind Jaehyun. “What’s the matter, love?” Jaehyun holds his hand tighter.
“Did… what happened? Did the warehouse incident happen? Or…”
“Oh, yes, it happened, Doyoung.” Jaehyun sighs, leaning back to the chair. “You might have thought that you haven’t woken up from last time.” He says, looking at Doyoung lovingly.
“How long was I out?”
“About a week.” Another voice says from the other side of the room. He sees Ten sitting on the hospital couch with Johnny lying down on his lap, sleeping peacefully. A sudden rush of relief courses through his body when he sees Johnny’s small smile while he slumbers despite his face being covered by the bandage wrapped around his head.
“Ten.” Doyoung says with a smile.
“Johnny’s alright. Because of you, he didn’t have any major injuries. He woke up yesterday and insisted on getting discharged so that he could stay here to watch you wake up.” Ten looks at Johnny and brushes his hair with his fingers. “But he slept before could even catch you.”
Doyoung goes back to looking at Jaehyun, reacting to his lover intertwining their fingers together. “You lost a lot of blood from that bullet wound on your thigh. Thankfully, it didn’t hit any bones so you only needed stitches.” Jaehyun stands, with effort since he has a broken leg, and places a kiss on Doyoung’s forehead. “Thank you for sacrificing and putting your life on the line for me. I’m thankful for having you as my lover. “
They meet eye to eye, Jaehyun watching the universe get pieced back together, while Doyoung takes in Jaehyun’s beautiful features. Doyoung really missed Jaehyun, reaching up to place his palm on his cheek. It felt like forever since the last time they have touched, last time their hands intertwined like weaves of silk, last time they created planets through their gazes. And in that moment, the minutes stretched into a time paradox, their life intertwining, past, present, and future meeting between them, and it was a beautiful sight.
“I love you, Jaehyun.” Doyoung whispers.
Jaehyun’s cheeks go red within his white skin, giggling like a child. “It feels like the first time. You make me so happy, baby. I love you, too.”
The door suddenly swings open and everyone in the room looks at the person stepping in.
“Dongyoung!” His mother steps in the room, his father on tow, and she nearly cries as they walk towards the hospital bed. Jaehyun sits back down on his chair while his mother caresses his son’s cheek. “Oh, baby. You don’t contact me for weeks, then next thing I hear about you is that you ended up here again?” She kisses his forehead as he feels his father hold his hand.
“What happened, son? And no lies. Tell us the truth. A bullet wound can’t be hidden as an accident.” His father sounded angry, but his expression is of worry and sadness.
“I-” Doyoung was about apologize when the door swings open again. They all turn to see Hyunjae, crisp navy blue suit, white dress shirt, and black tie, with his signature stern expression.
“I’m glad you’re finally awake, Doyoung. My apologies, mr. and mrs. Kim, but I would like to have a word with your son.”
Doyoung’s mother stands straight, anger in her face. “Why should I? We are his parents and we deserve to know what is happening. Who are you to order us?”
Hyunjae stays silent for a moment before answering. “I am sorry, Ms. Kim. I am Kim Hyunjae of the Kim law firms, and I will be Doyoung’s lawyer.”
His mother is left speechless, while his father is dumbfounded. “Kim law firms? Doyoung can’t afford a lawyer, Hyunjae. He is a college student.”
“This will be free of charge because of various reasons. And in terms of information regarding what happened to Doyoung and the rest of his friends will be their decision to share. You may need to consult them in regards of their confidentiality of the situation.” Hyesoo steps in with the same stern face as her father. “This is my daughter and she will be helping us with their case.” Hyunjae walks to the center of the room so that he has view of all of the boys. “Now… it is your choice if you want the case to be a private case with no one but you and the firm with the information.” There was a moment of silence as they look at each other across the room. “We can give you time-”
“Wait.” Johnny finally gets up from Ten’s lap and leans his shoulders on Ten’s. “I’ll speak on behalf of them.” Johnny looks at Ten and they nod at each other, then to Jaehyun and Doyoung, doing the same. “We would like to keep it private.” He says, and his mother retaliates.
“Why?! But-”
“Mom.” Doyoung holds his mother’s hands and she turns to his son with a sad expression. “It’s better if you don’t know.” He says. “Please.”
His mother sighs. “Fine.” She places her warm palm on his cheek. “I trust you, okay?” Doyoung nods. “ We love you.” She smiles at him and this is another feeling he misses, the reassurance of family, love that can never be replaced.
“I love you, too.”
“Good.” She stands straight and looks at the room. “You guys go talk and we’ll step out to grab dinner. Want anything, boys?”
“Chipotle.” Johnny quickly answers and they laugh at the urgency.
“Okay, Johnny. Chipotle it is. We’ll be back.”
Hyunjae and Hyesoo steps aside to gave way to his parents, and when the door finally closes, Hyesoo sighs, removing her heels and throwing it to the side, hitting the wall with a loud thud, and Hyunjae smoothens his tie and loosens it. “Fuck, I hate heels. I don’t know why we need to go here like this.” She sighs as she drops herself to the couch, right beside Johnny, and she leans her head on his shoulder.
“For fun.” Hyunjae says, and they laugh at Hyesoo’s pout. “Also, we need to establish a relationship that is outside… you know. So, this is the most appropriate facade.”
“Will we go to court though? For Jeongyeon?”
Hyunjae walks to Jaehyun’s side and pats his head. “No need to worry about him. He has been taken care of.”
“Did you…”
“No, Doyoung. I didn’t shoot him in the head. Killing him will benefit him. So… I exiled him to an island with nothing but the clothes on his back.”
“What?”
“Petty, right? I just wanted to have my fun; I’m getting old, okay? I’ll make use of him in the future, so for now, he’ll have the survive on his own in that island.”
Doyoung nods at that. “As long we don’t see him anymore, I’m good with anything.”
“Same here.” Jaehyun says, and he looks up to Hyunjae.
“By the way, Jaehyun, I have taken care of your mother’s will and I will be giving everything she owns to you between next week or the week after that.”
“Oh… Thank you, Hyunjae.”
“When will you start calling me your grandfather, huh?” Jaehyun looks at Hyunjae’s pout and he laughs. He grabs for Jaehyun’s nose with his forefinger and middle finger and pulls it playfully. “I’m still family, Jae. Stop calling me like I’m some business partner.”
“But you are, though. You just sponsored all of our expenses for the past weeks until now.” Doyoung says, and Hyunjae shoots him a glare, the whole room erupting into laughter.
“You-”
“Grandpa, stop.” Jaehyun says and Hyunjae does, sighing.
“Finally.”
“Also… What did mom leave for me?” He asks shyly.
Hyunjae smiles. “An apartment, your college tuition, and enough money to last you your life, Jaehyun.”
“Oh.” He looks dumbfounded.
“And I know you’re too humble to take it, but you were deprived of your freedom for so long because of that bastard, so just accept it, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Hey!” Johnny says, interrupting them. “How about me? Will you be moving out? Do I have to find a new roommate? A new best friend? I’m so hurt, Jaehyun.”
Jaehyun laughs. “Move in with me then. Move out when you’re ready to finally live with Ten.” The couple suddenly shares the same bright red cheeks, and Doyoung smiles at their gazes to each other.
“You can finally fuck without hesitation, guys.” Doyoung says, and Ten gives him a mischievous smile.
“Ah yes. The benefits. Daddy will be happy with that.”
Johnny slaps Ten’s arm playfully, Ten kissing his cheek quickly, while Jaehyun shivers. “Oh god no. I don’t need this right now.”
And Doyoung feels so much at home.
March 29, 2019
They help Doyoung up his apartment, Johnny with his hands around him, lifting him up every step, while Ten is spotting Jaehyun behind him. It takes them forever to reach the third floor, their breathing laboured. “Fuck, we’re all injured. I hate this. I feel like we’ve aged, like… fifty years.” Jaehyun says he catches his breath.
When they step inside the apartment, it looked the same as how he left it weeks ago, only with a layer of dust on surfaces. Doyoung would need to hire someone to clean up his house, but for now, he just wants to feel the soft breeze that comes in and out from his balcony.
Ten plops Jaehyun down on his couch as Doyoung immediately tries to head to the kitchen. “Hey, hey, where are you going? You should sit.” Johnny says.
“I’m going to make coffee.”
“No need, Doyoung. I’ll do it.” Johnny says.
“No.” Ten interrupts. “You are not. All of you are injured, so I’ll make coffee.” He stands and orders Johnny to sit beside Jaehyun. “You too, Doyoung.” He says, alpha in his voice and eyes intimidating, and he does what he says.
“Damn, that was hot.” Johnny says in a whisper and a small smile.
“Fucking stop. I’m begging you.” Jaehyun rolls his eyes in playful annoyance.
July 1, 2019
It’s been awhile since the last time they met up with Taeyong, been a long time since they last made proper conversations, and it was a relief that Doyoung and the gang gets invited to his birthday that will happen in his new apartment. Jaehyun was ecstatic when he learned that Doyoung is willing to go.
They hold hands as they walk to Taeyong’s apartment, deciding to not use the car to get fresh air, and also have Jaehyun get used walking with his own two feet again. Doyoung notices the bracelet that he gave months ago and smiles a little knowing that Jaehyun still has it with him, wrapped around his pretty wrist. Doyoung holds Jaehyun like he was meant to live between the lines of his skin, and it assures the couple of their love as they walk in the pavements they used to run away from.
They heard a click of a camera going off behind them and when they turn around, they see Ten and Johnny giggling together, Ten’s phone facing them. “Memories, you know.” He says.
“Send that to me, Ten.” Jaehyun goes back to walking straight, his grip tighter around Doyoung’s.
They arrive to an apartment complex, walls obviously new, grey paint still bright, and lights are bright. They walk up to the fourth floor, Johnny glancing at his phone in random moments to check the correct address. They eventually arrive at the apartment on the address and Johnny goes ahead and knocks on the door, going back to wrapping his arm around Ten’s waist after. Jaehyun pulls Doyoung flushed to his side, warm and assuring, as the door opens.
They are met with another man, face long but angular, cheekbones high with a beautiful smile, blonde hair falling gracefully on his forehead, and a smile bright enough to make Doyoung feel the happiness it radiates. “Oh! Hello!” The man turns towards the inside of the apartment. “Tae, your friends are here.” The man goes back to smiling at them as they hear padding of steps getting closer. The door opens wider with Taeyong on the other side.
“I’m so glad you’re all here. I just finished cooking.” Taeyong says with a smile much bright than the first time Doyoung met him. “Come in.”
They all go in further inside the apartment, and the room is brighter than the building itself, walls painted sky blue, various decors placed randomly around the room, curtains fading from yellow into a midnight blue, just like how a sunset would look like, and it was comforting. They could smell delicious food wafting through the room, and soft indie music playing on the speakers.
Taeyong brings them to the living room, all of the sitting on the large couch comfortable while Taeyong stands beside the other man in the room.
“Before everything starts, I want you guys to meet my boyfriend, Nakamoto Yuta.” Taeyong has a blush on his face as they share a big smile together.
“Hi, I’m Yuta. I’m from Japan, but I’ve been here since high school, which explains the fluency.”
Doyoung could sense Jaehyun’s smile growing wider and it makes Doyoung smile, too.
“It’s so nice to meet you, Yuta!” Johnny stands to shake his hand and he reciprocates.
“It’s very nice to meet you, too. Johnny, right? Taeyong just said that the tall one with a small head is Johnny, so… I’m assuming that’s you.”
They all laugh at the description. “Taeyong! Why’d you describe me like that?” Johnny says, pouting as he sits back down. “I feel so betrayed now.”
“Well,” He says in between laughs, “I have to be honest.”
Johnny grunts as Yuta goes to look at Ten. “Ten?” He questions.
“Yeah. What did Taeyong say about me?”
“The small one.”
Everyone starts laughing, Ten rolling his eyes. “As expected. It’s the only adjective in my dictionary.”
Yuta turns to Jaehyun with a smile. “I know you. Jaehyun, right? Taeyong said that you’re basically snow white in asian male form.”
Jaehyun looked betrayed, tearing his gaze from Yuta to Taeyong. “How dare you?!”
Taeyong shrugs. “I told you… Honesty. It’s the best policy, you know.”
Johnny interrupts. “He ain’t wrong though.” And Jaehyun just grunts, sulky pout in his face as they all look at Doyoung, waiting for Yuta to say something.
“And Doyoung, right?”
Doyoung nods. “Yeah. What did he say?”
Yuta smiles. “The one with the wide and pretty smile.” He says, and his heart calms.
Doyoung feels a blush on his face, half from embarrassment and the other half from shyness. But before Doyoung could even respond, Jaehyun interrupts him. “Why does he have a nice description and we don’t?!” Jaehyun retaliates, and Doyoung snort.
“I have to be honest, okay? Now… Let’s start celebrating my birthday with some wine.”
“Happy birthday, Tae!” Johnny shouts, excitement rolling through them.
“Thank you, guys. It means a lot to me to have you all here.” He says, small smile on his face.
“Thank you for inviting us.” Doyoung smiles back at him, and Jaehyun just watches their eyes meet, an assurance of connection between two lives he has encountered, and it made him happy.
August 23, 2019
“Doyoung! We’re going to be late!” Jaehyun shouts from outside his room.
Doyoung ended up sleeping over Jaehyun and Johnny’s apartment after they binge-watched the whole Black Mirror series, which ended up in an eternal debate on whether or not they have succeeded on reaching the happy ending in the Bandersnatch season. Doyoung grudgingly steps out of Jaehyun’s bed and quickly rushes to their bathroom, brushing his teeth right beside Jaehyun who was ruffling through his hair, skipping a warm shower.
They go through their morning routine, weaving through each other in the bathroom, naturally giving space for each other to maneuver. When Doyoung leans on the counter sink just to look at Jaehyun who was finishing his outfit, they lock eyes and smile at each other lovingly.
“You’re hair’s messy, babe.” Jaehyun says as he reaches out for his hair and ruffles through it. “There. So beautiful.” Jaehyun’s voice goes into an octave lower, so lovingly trembling.
“Thanks, Jae.”
They hear a knock on their door and they look at the opened door to see Johnny standing by the frame. “Did you guys know?”
Doyoung looks at him with a confused expression. “Know what?”
Johnny laughs quietly. “It’s your one year anniversary.” He says. “Y’all should calendar your special days, honestly.” Johnny walks away, the last thing they see is the rolling of his eyes.
They look at each other and share the same shocked look. Jaehyun grabs for his phone from his back pocket and opens the calendar. “Oh shit, Johnny’s right.” Jaehyun shows him his phone, the screen saying ‘August, 2018’ and on the twenty third is titled as ‘grocery with Doyoung’ a small heart emoji beside it.
“It’s been a year since our grocery date.” Doyoung says while Jaehyun places his phone back to his pocket. “Happy anniversary then.” Jaehyun comes closer to hold his hips underneath his shirt, pressing softly, caging him onto the counter. “Happy anniversary, baby. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me.” Jaehyun pulls him in for a kiss, a quiet hum between them and intimacy shared between their lips. And what felt like forever, Jaehyun finally wraps his arms around his waist and Doyoung wraps his around his neck, pulling their chests flushed to each other, heat meeting between them like a furnace.
He could feel the sudden urge to jump Jaehyun, rip his shirt off, and straddle him, but they have class in thirty minutes and Doyoung needs to go or else he’ll miss a quiz.
“Wait.” Doyoung separates himself, their breathing laboured while Jaehyun slightly grinds on to Doyoung. “We need to go to class, Jaehyun.” Jaehyun starts to kiss his neck with fervor, heat coursing through him. “Please, Jae.” Doyoung doesn’t realize he was whining and that made Jaehyun groan, suddenly leaving a hickey right at his sensitive part of his skin for everyone to see.
Jaehyun stands straight to go back and hold Doyoung by the hips. “You end at three, right?” Doyoung nods, speechless at how aroused he is. “Okay. I’ll pick you up, let’s have dinner outside, and then when we get back, we’ll fuck until neither of us can even stand.” Jaehyun gives him a sly grin and Doyoung slaps his arm playfully, his cheeks becoming red. “Does that sound good, baby?” Jaehyun asks as he leans his forehead on Doyoung’s.
“Moments with you always sound good, Jaehyun.”
August 23, 2020
“Two years.” Jaehyun says in a whisper, walking in their new shared apartment, which is the apartment his mother left him with. There were boxes scattered everywhere of their belongings, and Doyoung finishes his arrangement so that it was easier to walk around. “It’s been two years, Doyoung.”
“Two years since we went grocery shopping?” Doyoung walks towards Jaehyun to wrap his arms around his neck, Jaehyun placing his fingers on his bare hips.
“Again with the grocery shopping?” They laugh together, a sweet sensation covering them.
“I’ll never forget that day, Jaehyun.” They kiss at that, intimate, soft, and everything he has always wanted.
His imagination is finally coming true, his dreams coming to life; the dream of living with Jaehyun, domesticity shared, little bits and pieces of each other on walls and surfaces, generously shared in a space, making it theirs. It was a sign of being intertwined, finally seeing his life be connected to Jaehyun’s, just like how fate narrated it.
The kiss goes on for forever, and Jaehyun taps at the back of Doyoung’s thigh, signaling him to jump. Doyoung jumps and quickly wraps his legs around Jaehyun’s waist, Jaehyun carrying his whole weight. He suddenly feels Jaehyun push him to the wall, their lips still interlocked and heat building between them.
Jaehyun reluctantly separates himself from Doyoung, Doyoung trying to catch his lips again but failing. “You want to do this tonight?” Jaehyun asks, his hands kneading on his ass.
“Yeah.”
“Okay.” Jaehyun says quietly, and goes back to kissing Doyoung, more heated and craving than moments ago.
Doyoung suddenly, and regretfully separates himself from Jaehyun. “Wait. Our mattress doesn’t have sheets on.”
“That’s fine.”
“It’s not fine, Jaehyun. What if our cum goes on the mattress? That shit’s ain’t easy to clean.” Doyoung says and Jaehyun sighs defeatedly, releasing Doyoung to let him stand.
“Help me put on the sheets so that we could get into fucking faster, okay?” Jaehyun whines like a child, his eyebrows furrowing. Doyoung flicks his forehead and Jaehyun massages the skin where it hit. “Stop whining, Jaehyun. It’s making me want to hear you whine some more.” Doyoung says with a smirk.
“Then make me whine.” He says, inviting and tempting. “Fuck me and make me whine like the baby boy you love.”
Doyoung squints at him and he doesn’t want to admit how his cock throbs at how his lover says those words, so he walks away to one of the boxes that has their sheets. “That’s not going to work on me, but if you’re not going to be obedient…” Doyoung hands him the sheets to Jaehyun’s chest rather forcefully. “Then you’ll be punished.”
Doyoung walks to their room and Jaehyun just watches Doyoung walk away affectionately. “Fuck. I’m in love with the fucking devil.” He says by himself as he follows, anticipation running through him.
March 17, 2021
Doyoung stands on the platform of the stage as he hears his family and his friends cheer for him, their voices echoing through the field. The medal hanging on his neck feels heavy, but exciting to feel falling on his chest, and his diploma sits in between his fingers with an assurance of a bright future.
It felt like forever for the graduation ceremony to finish, but when it does, his family quickly runs to him, embracing him tightly and tears running down their faces. Jaehyun, Johnny, and Ten watches the tearful exchange, so they try to capture the moment, taking pictures their phones; they know Doyoung’s parents would be thankful. They all exchange their congratulations, with Ten giving a wet kiss on Doyoung’s cheeks, a slap from Johnny on his butt, an intimate kiss from his lover, taking pictures of him with his toga wrapped around him, his graduation cap being passed around to his friends, and his smile stretching to the oblivion. Doyoung feels so loved.
Even before they have their celebratory lunch, Doyoung’s father drives them to the cemetery where his brother is buried.
Doyoung has already removed his toga and cap, showing his lean body, sky blue dress shirt tucked on his slacks, highlighting his hips, and the sleeves folded above his elbows, showing his lovely hands, in which Jaehyun quickly reaches out for when they walk through the cemetery gates.
Under the sun, Doyoung glows and Jaehyun falls in love with how his skin glistens and how his hazel eyes shine.
After awhile, they reach the tombstone, the name ‘Kim Gongmyung’ right in the middle. The group is silent, the parents staying behind them as Doyoung steps forward, removing the medal from around his neck and placing it at the base of stone, kneeling on the ground and sitting on his heel.
“Hey, hyung.” He says in a whisper and Jaehyun could hear the tremble of his voice. “I made it, just like you predicted.” Jaehyun watches Doyoung caress the stone softly, cleaning the stray leaves around the stone. “I was awarded magna cum laude, just like you predicted.” The wind carries his words through the air. “It seems like you’re right even without you with us.... Hyung, I miss you.” Doyoung could finally feel tears on his eyes, sniffing while his hand reaches to his eyes to wipe away the tears. Jaehyun comes forward to comfort Doyoung, brushing through his lover’s hair. Doyoung leans in to Jaehyun’s thigh, his head resting there. “I wish you were still here to celebrate with us.” Doyoung brushes his fingers on his brother’s name. “But I know you’re celebrating wherever you are and you are proud of me. I’ll carry your dreams with me, hyung. I’ll become the writer you imagined me to be, and I’ll dedicate it all to you and the life you lived will never be forgotten.”
It takes them moments to finish their greeting to Doyoung’s brother, introducing Ten and Johnny, and finally Jaehyun, where Jaehyun almost cries at how he proclaims his love for him to the other love of his life. Doyoung’s parents also say their messages to their son, and the sun was still bright out when they walk away, the medal left at the tombstone and a single sunflower beside it.
December 25, 2021
Christmas with Jaehyun’s family was the highlight of Jaehyun’s year, finally finding love in his true family. They spend in their summer home, his aunts and uncles bringing in his cousins, and his cousins bringing in their children, making the house erupt in lively laughter and chaotic joy. They rent out a karaoke box from the local karaoke and they sing their lungs out until the sun goes down. They spend their christmas eve huddled together near the fireplace, Doyoung leaning on Jaehyun’s shoulder while they exchange stories, feelings, and gifts.
Once Christmas comes, the clock striking midnight, they exchange kisses on cheeks and ‘I love you’s’ and Jaehyun feels so sated with how loved he is. And, when Hyesoo starts to play the piano, playing “Lay Me Down”, Doyoung sings, leaving the whole family listening and Jaehyun speechless.
He watches his lover, how his brows dance through his words, his hands shaking in rhythm, his eyes meeting with the ceiling as he gives his all. This was the first time he hears his lover sing, and he could finally say that he has heard heaven on earth resonate through his bones.
Jaehyun falls in love again and again.
March 13, 2022
He felt so happy, tears almost coming out from his eyes as he spots his lover, Johnny, and his whole family, cheering for him in the crowd, Hyesoo putting up a banner saying ‘Jae The Bae Congratulae’ which made him snort while he grips his diploma tighter. He locks eyes with Sir Han who, fortunately, had his hand intertwined with nurse Chan, and they cheer for him silently, clapping aggressively and making weird expressions.
When the graduation ceremony ended, Hyunjae steps up to him and pats his shoulder with a smile. “Congratulations, Jaehyun.” Hyunjae grabs for his hand, palm upward, and places something cold on his hand. “I’m proud of you.” When he looks at the item on his palm, he realizes it was a set of car keys, brand new and shining. “Now you don’t have to keep on borrowing Hyesoo or Johnny’s car.” He says with a sly grin and Jaehyun wraps his arms around his grandfather, nothing but happiness between them. “You’re mother is waiting for, Jaehyun. Let’s drive together?” And he nods as an answer.
In Jaehyun’s new fortuner, Doyoung is seated on the passenger’s seat, their hands intertwined, while Johnny and Ten sits beside each other at the back. Behind them were cars of various types, that were also worth more than his whole tuition fee, following them, like an entourage to the president. City buildings turn into vibrant spring trees, cold wind meeting the insides of the car while the rays of the sun burn their skin, a perfect combination. The last time he drove through this road was when Jeongyeon beat him up in the end of the day, a painful memory attached to it that should have been filled with nostalgia.
But now that he is returning, the people he loves behind him, he could finally say that he has lived his life to the fullest despite being in the brink of death in an amount of times.
They all huddle up to his mother’s tombstone and Jaehyun gave Hyunjae and his mother’s siblings the time to mourn for they never even knew she died years ago and thought that she just went off the grid. It may hurt Jaehyun, but the way Hyunjae looks at his mother’s name and finally sobs, removing the facade of a powerful leader, made his heart clench out how loved his mother is. Hyesoo holds his father in his arms as Hyungmin has his hand on Hyunjae’s shoulder, just listening to Hyunjae’s words of grief, apologies, proclamations of love, and anger.
After awhile, they start walking to the cottage near the cliffside and bring their containers of food and drinks to have a picnic with the city view in their hands. Jaehyun and Johnny carries the foldable tables from Hyungmin’s pick up truck while Doyoung and Ten carries various paper bags of chips and drinks to the location. When they finish arranging their things, Johnny whips out his speakers from his own backpack, instantly playing “South Of The River” by Tom Misch, an old 2018 song he has been obsessing over, the upbeat tune hyping their lunch together.
The wind blows between their laughter while the leaves dances along, clouds forming above them in soft pillows. Birds chirp just beside, singing a song for them. Jaehyun doesn’t mind the simplicity of celebrating his graduation because he’s spending it with the people he loves dearly with the memory of his mother present within the soil they lay their feet on.
February 14, 2023
“Wake up, Jae.” Jaehyun opens his eyes, squinting at the soft morning light of the room. “Happy birthday.” Doyoung whispers as he feels his lips on his, hair falling on his forehead, touching Jaehyun’s skin, too.
“It’s my birthday?” He asks while stretching, moaning from the loosening of his muscles after a good night’s sleep. “Has time really passed by that fast?” Jaehyun reaches up to hold Doyoung’s cheek as they share a smile.
“Yeah. And it’s also valentines day, so…” Doyoung throws his leg over Jaehyun’s thighs, straddling him and pinning him arms above his head, caging him down to the bed. “I just bought a whole box of condoms last night and two bottles of lube, and we’re going to celebrate your birthday and valentines switching on fucking each other on every way possible on every surface of our apartment.” Doyoung bends down to latch his lips on Jaehyun’s neck, quickly marking him and making Jaehyun breathless as he feels Doyoung grind down on him.
Jaehyun breaths deep as he moves his head to the side to let Doyoung shower him with love. “Sounds good.” He says, whining after as he feels Doyoung’s hand trail under his pajama shirt.
“Oh, and also…” Doyoung pauses to reach behind him, sitting on Jaehyun’s thighs and brings out an envelope for Jaehyun. “This came in the mail this morning for you.”
Jaehyun reaches out to receive the envelope and looks at Doyoung in confusion. “Who’s it from?”
Doyoung goes silent for a moment and smiles at him. “It’s from Seoul Uni.”
Jaehyun quickly sits up, Doyoung unbothered to move, keeping proximity. “It might be the results!” He rips the paper open and brings the letter out, closing his eyes and sighing before opening it. “Dear Jung Yoonoh, I hope this letter finds you in good health…” He reads out loud. “We are pleased to announce to you that you have been accepted,...” He closes his eyes after, lips caught between his teeth as he tries to hide his growing smile.
“Oh my god, Jaehyun!” Doyoung quickly embraces him tightly, swaying him from side to side, then releasing him after.
“To,” he continues, “take up the special masters program in Astronomy. We will give you the opportunity to be taught by the best teachers in the industry, ranging from NASA specialists to PhD holders. We are also granting you a full scholarship, which also includes a monthly allowance, in the hopes of finding you make a difference for Earth in the future. We hope to see you be our student soon. In the next page will be the enrollment guidelines…. blah blah blah.” Jaehyun finishes, not caring about the technicalities, and then finally stretch to place the letter on the bedside table, quickly latching his lips on Doyoung’s, heated and craving.
“Happy birthday.” Doyoung says in whispers, Jaehyun’s hands wandering at the skin of his back, making him breathless.
“Happy birthday indeed.” Jaehyun trails downward, leaving a stripe of saliva on Doyoung’s delicious collarbones, and his lover shivers, grinding downward on his crotch. “Shall we start?” He says with a smile and Doyoung smiles back at him.
June 28, 2026
Here we go again, Jaehyun thought. He had his masters diploma on hand, multiple medals hanging around his neck and Doyoung was sitting within the crowd, a big smile in his face.
But now, he felt like crying knowing how far he had come.
August 6, 2026
Doyoung and Jaehyun flew all the way to the United States for this, taking a large amount of their shared savings for their flight. Fortunately, Johnny’s family is willing to adopt them for the week, offering Johnny’s old room for them to share.
But the reason why they needed to travel so far was because Jaehyun was about to go to an interview that shakes his nerves until he felt like vomiting.
Doyoung held Jaehyun’s hand, his lover obviously nervous with how cold his skin is and how his lips go pale from the thought walking in the office that will determine his future, a mere wall separating it.
“Jung Yoonoh?” A person from the inside of the room calls out to him, peeking out from the door.
Jaehyun anxiously stands, fixing his suit, and Doyoung watches his lover fidget. “That’s m-me.” Doyoung would laugh at how he stuttered.
“They are ready for you. Are you?” She says, eyebrow raising and a smirk on her lips.
Jaehyun gulps as he fixes his tie, noting how tight it is around his neck. “Y-yes.”
She laughs quietly. “Drink water first before you go in. “ She says, and Jaehyun quickly turned to Doyoung, grabbing the water bottle he was holding, and gulping down the contents. He sighs after and he gives the empty bottle back.
Jaehyun and Doyoung locks eyes, and he notices the nervous smile he gives, so he pulls his lover down to place a kiss on his lips, a reassuring connection, to say that Doyoung is there inside that room with him. “Good luck, and I love you.” He whispers, their forehead leaning on each other for strength.
“I love you, too.” Jaehyun whispers back, then stands straight.
He reads the golden plaque on the door, and he can’t believe how a metal sheet intimidates so much power:
Office of The Executive Director of The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA)
Jaehyun has always been Doyoung’s space traveler, but he comes out of that room as the next astronaut to Mars.
March 25, 2030
Saying that training to go for space travel was a gruesome experience would be a gross understatement to how it really is.
Everyday was a battle between vomiting on yourself while being strapped on a death wheel, and coming home drained to the ground that your limbs would feel like it’s catching on fire
But he wouldn’t finish it if it weren’t for the bracelet that sits on his wrist and coming home to lips of expectancy his lover gives.
February 1, 2031
They end up driving a distance, the newly wed Ten and Johnny at the back seat, Yuta and Taeyong trailing behind them in their own car, and Doyoung at their passenger seat, to an amusement park for his lover’s birthday.
In reality, it should have been just Jaehyun and Doyoung, but Jaehyun wanted to have a support system, and maybe someone to document this moment.
At the stoplight, he glances at his lover who was napping, a shadow of a smile on his face, and maybe snoring a little. He feels a hand on his shoulder and looks back at the backseat, Johnny looking at him with a smile.
“You ready?” He says in a whisper, and Ten smiles too, with how Jaehyun’s smile grows wider through the years.
And when Jaehyun looks back at Doyoung and looks at how his eye lashes fall on his cheeks softly and how the mole on his neck looks like a planet shining in the sky, Jaehyun reaches to his pocket, feeling the velvet box that had the ring inside, and sighs a smile.
“Yeah.”
And forever has never felt so real before this moment.
And when he drops down in one knee, Doyoung trying to wipe away his own tears, Jaehyun says:
“I may not be a writer like you, but I would build mountains from the words I speak to tell you how much I love you; how much you have changed me, changed my future, and my past. And years ago you told me that love is peculiar that day I first said I love you, and years after did I realize the true meaning of it. Love is peculiar because it makes me want to tell you that I love you until forever ends, even if forever doesn’t exist. I want to be the one to hold you close even if there will be days where we will be apart. I want to call you my other half even if you and I are individual whole’s in this life. And I may believe in the truth of science, but you made me believe in magic with the words of space dust at the tip of your fingertips.
“It’s a miracle that I remember my speech for you, but I guess you have figured out that I have been practicing this moment for years and I am smart enough to know it by hand. But here I am, shivering in fear as I ask you this: Will you marry me?”
And he said yes.
August 23, 2031
“It’s been 13 years since we went grocery shopping, Doyoung.”
Doyoung laughs at him, smiling the same smile he fell in love with. “Jaehyun, we just got married twnety minutes ago and we’re about to enter the reception hall as newly weds. The fuck are you saying?”
And Jaehyun has been saying this so many times, but he falls in love all over again
December 25, 2031
It wasn’t an impulse decision, but Jaehyun guesses that it is an impulse decision ever since they started doing the paperworks. Now they have two-year-old fraternal twins in their arms, celebrating christmas with a new addition to their tradition.
Jaehyun and Doyoung would never have imagined that they’ll be fathers someday, but fate really loves playing games with their life. Although, they didn’t hate it.
February 27, 2032
“Jaehyun, don’t leave.” Ten says as he embraces Jaehyun, platonic intimacy shared between them.
“I have to, Ten.” Jaehyun says as he rubs Ten’s back to comfort him. Ten separates himself from Jaehyun to look at him in the eye.
“How long does it take to deliver a message from Mars back to earth and vice versa?”
Jaehyun snorts a laugh. “If Earth and Mars are in the same side of the sun, then the distance would be one hundred eighty-six thousand miles per second in terms of the speed of light, so… it’s around one hundred forty-one million miles-”
“Jaehyun, I’m stupid, remember? Speak english.”
Johnny and Doyoung laughs together, the both of them watching the scene unfold. “Ah… About twenty minutes depending on where Earth and Mars are placed in the solar system. It can be four minutes, or twenty.”
“Then you better send us text messages, okay? We’ll make a group chat.” Ten was starting to tear up, but was still sporting a smile.
Jaehyun just nods at him. “I don’t think it works that way, but sure, Ten.”
May 22, 2032
“5, 4, 3, 2, 1; And we have a lift off.”
Doyoung would be lying if he said he didn’t cry as he watched Jaehyun be brought out of the atmosphere by a firework that is as large and as tall as the tallest building in Earth. His heart is full with how far, literally and metaphorically, his lover has come.
“Jung Yoonoh and their team, the Venus 19, are the first humans to inhabit Mars, and will be the pioneers of a new world for humanity. Godspeed, our brave astronauts.” He hears the radio announcer say behind him as the rocket becomes smaller in view until it was gone.
“Be safe, my space traveler.” Doyoung whispers, his hands occupied by his two children, holding him tight.
Jaehyun looks out of the small window of the rocker, seeing the edges of the Earth grow smaller, and says his testonimies at his end. “Doyoung.” He whispers, a reminder that he lives for the universe who made him feel alive.
September 15, 2035
“Daddy, daddy!” Hyesung shouts as she runs to his room, his panda doll in hand. She quickly jumps on the bed while Doyoung wakes himself up, the sun glaring at him. Gongmyung follows behind his sister and stays at the foot of the bed, the mattress only reaching his chest. “Daddy, let’s go!” Hyesung pulls on Doyoung’s arm and he sits up. “Uncle Johnny and uncle Ten is downstairs raiding your kitchen!” She says, and Gongmyung nods with a smile,
“Who what now?” Doyoung yawns, sliding himself out of his bed. “What time is it?”
“Daddy, it’s five in the morning.” His son says, walking towards Doyoung and raising his arms so that his daddy could carry him.
“They’re waiting, daddy!” Hyesung says again, pulling on his pajama pants.
“Okay, okay. Just wait, baby. Don’t rush daddy.” He looks at his song who is looking at him, obviously sleepy, too, probably from being woken up by his sister so abruptly. “Good morning, Gongmyung.”
“Good morning, dad.” He says, softly, but he tries to smile.
“Happy birthday. Are you ready to go to the amusement park today?” Doyoung says, and his son’s smile brightens, a reflection to Doyoung’s wide ones, and nods.
Suddenly his pajama pants are being pulled again, Hyesung pouting at him. “Me too, daddy!” She says, whining cutely.
Doyoung giggles at his daughter and puts down his son on his bed, standing on the mattress, then picking Hyesung up and carries her with a smile on both faces. “Happy birthday, princess.” He says, and Hyesung showers his father with kisses.
“Thank you, daddy. I love you!”
“Hey!” Gongmyung whines and Doyoung turns around to look at his son pouting at his sister. “I love daddy more!”
“No! I love daddy more!” She answers back.
“C’mon, now.” Someone says by the bedroom door, and they all turn to see Johnny stepping in the room. “C’mere, Myung.” He gestures for his son to come to him, and Johnny carries him in one hand. “The only person Doyoung loves more is your other daddy.”
“Oh, daddy.” Doyoung turns to look at Hyesung. “When will we finally meet daddy Jaehyun? I only see him on screen. Is he even real?”
“He is very real, Sung. He gave daddy this ring.” He brings up his left ring finger and shows the beautiful golden band wrapped around it to his daughter, then looks at Gongmyung. “And the both of you wouldn’t be my children if it weren’t for daddy Jaehyun convincing me years ago to adopt you.”
Behind Johnny, he sees Ten knocking on the opened door, a small smile on his face. “The video just came in. Let’s go down?” Ten asks, and they all nod. Doyoung puts Hyesung down while Johnny does the same to Gongmyung, and the children quickly grasps their father’s hand with their tiny hands.
They walk together to the living room and their television was already turned on, Jaehyun’s smiling face flashed in pause.
“Daddy Jaehyun looks thinner than during Christmas.” Hyesung sits on front of the television, crossing her legs under her, and her brother follows.
“Hey, don’t sit too close to the television. You’ll hurt your eyes.” Doyoung says, and his children follows as he sits on the couch, in between Ten and Johnny. “Ready to watch, kids?” Ten asks the twins and they shout ‘yes’ together, making Ten press play.
Jaehyun does look thinner compared to his video during Christmas. And he also looks paler than usual, but still as beautiful as the sky he looks at in the hopes of seeing Jaehyun wave a hi for him.
“Hey. I’ll talk to Doyoung and the uncles later. Hyesung? Gongmyung? Are you there?” He asks, lifting his hand on his ear, as if he is hearing the children’s screams. “I could hear you from here. I’m happy. Oh! And happy birthday to the both you. I’m sorry if I didn’t grow up with you-” “It’s okay daddy!” “And I wish I did. I’ll see you soon, okay? Now… I bet Johnny and Ten are there, so, to the both of you, thank you for taking care of my family while I’m away. I’m very thankful. Okay? And… Doyoung. Baby. I miss you... Thank you for being strong for our children. The view here is really nice during our birthday week. Well… it was a single sand cloud, but you get it, right? I love you. Oh wait, I love all of you. And I’ll see you soon, yeah?”
Doyoung would be lying if he didn’t cry at how Jaehyun was also so close to tears in the video, and how their children would wave at the television with vigor, screaming their love as the video ended.
Present Day
“And let these mistakes and struggles be your catalyst to success just like how I got delayed on graduating because I was in the brink of death to inspire me to write it down, and just like how my lover vomited his way through training to be the astronaut he is today…”
Jaehyun watches Doyoung passionately share his aspirations to the graduates, Gongmyung and Hyesung in either sides of him, hands clasped tight on his, as he goes back to when they were still learning to get by, to sacrifice health and stability, to when their own anxiety took over them. Watching his lover’s brows dance around his face as he throws his words to the crowd like gospel made him realize how far they have truly come; from hospital beds to king sized beds shared for two; from abuse and anxiety to celebrating the simplest loves in life; from injury to healing in time; from whatever misery they went through to the life they are thankful for.
And fate really made their universes align, thankful for how they clashed so beautifully, so elegantly, like they were meant to be. It’s the plot twist every person deserves, that in the end of the road is the goldmine of love a person cannot simply comprehend.
And as the wind carries the words his lover posses, though when the time comes and forever does end, his verses will transcend through the universe that lies inside Jaehyun, and there will be someone looking up to the sky every five minutes and finding their love in the moonlight, too.
That Night
Jaehyun is caged by Doyoung’s arms on their couch after finally convincing their children to go to bed after hours of kissing, hugging, and playing with their fathers. Doyoung held Jaehyun’s hand as he feels his lover place his soft lips on his bare shoulder, which made Jaehyun smile at the gesture.
“Doyoung?” His lover hums in response. “Do you still have the piece you wrote back from the night we met?” He doesn’t know why he thought about that years after it happened, but now that he thought about it, Doyoung wrote it because he met Jaehyun, and curiosity made him aware of how important he truly is to his husband.
Doyoung sits up to look at Jaehyun with a smile. “I do. It’s in my office. Want me to get it?” Jaehyun nods with a small smile, and Doyoung nods, leaving Jaehyun and coming back with an old brown folder. “I can’t believe you remember, though.” Jaehyun gives space to his lover to sit beside him, snuggling close to each other, sharing the same body heat, as Doyoung fumbles with the flap of the folder.
“It took years for me to remember again.”
“You’re aging.” Doyoung teases, and Jaehyun glares at him.
“You’re older than me, Doyoung.” And they laugh together.
“Good thing you remember though.” He takes out a piece of paper, yellowing from time but ink still dark and powerful. “I wanted to reserve this piece for you to read before I publish it. I hope you like it.” He hands the paper carefully to Jaehyun.
“I love whatever writing you show me, baby. Even if it were a poem about how smelly your shit is in the morning, I would still find it beautiful.”
Doyoung laughs. “It was one time, okay? I had writer’s block.”
Jaehyun rolls his eyes at Doyoung then goes to reading, his heart pounding in his chest.
Supernova
It is - or rather was, since it happened so many years ago - a catastrophic beauty. Maybe, destruction can sometimes be beautiful. Like destroying a toxic and abusive relationship, or breaking up a dangerous fight. Or maybe, literally destroy old plates and glasses, old sentimental items that doesn’t mean anything to you now, to convey pent up emotions from your chest.
We are a time bomb; destined to explode sooner or later. Us humans cannot comprehend such great emotion when we keep it deep in our chests for too long. We aren’t built to hide behind closed doors and show a certain front to others. We humans are meant to explode like fireworks, not suppress ourselves.
It was ironically beautiful; we hurt ourselves to feel alive. We find validation from searing pain, confirming that we still feel even when we that we are numb. It made hurt feel so enticing, and it draws those who long to feel alive in like gravity. Maybe, falling through the pavement or slicing every inch of your body was a way to remind us that we are only human - we forget that we also feel powerless in the hands of fate.
It was ironically beautiful; we gaze at the sun with so much fondness, turning us into Icarus, and eventually melting ourselves into nothing, falling to our deaths while staring at the glaring sun. we pick up roses even when it leaves our fingers with pricks and scratches. We learn to ride a bike only to fall down and receive bleeding knees and bruises.
We live constantly in contradictory. Our lives circle around opposites, and paradoxical things become normal to us. Maybe, that’s why opposites attract and the positives and negatives of an atom come together. Maybe, that’s why we find comfort in the cold when we feel like burning.
But I guess suppressing ourselves and in the end blowing up into a beautiful mess isn’t so bad when there are other stars going through the same destruction as you. We aren’t alone, and in that is reassurance that one them understands you more than yourself. That one of them, out there in the vast cosmic arena, is exploding with you, beautifully in sync.
-end-