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Sitting out in the cold, shivering your ass off as you run your hands uselessly up and down your arms is strangely nostalgic. It reminds you of the good old days of training where you’d wake up to the sound of the girls clattering noisily through the dorms, eyes sticky with sleep and throat burning from the crisp winter air. It’s not too different here, you think, even if it’s mile and miles off from the cadets centre in Montana. Snow is still snow, cold is still cold, no matter where you are.
Your fingers still ache and your face burns harshly from the wind’s touch and it’s so vivid you feel that maybe if you closed your eyes you’d be able to hear the crunch of ice under boot as your team caught up. Only there’s no scuffle of feet or the low whine of trainees about how cold it was this time. Instead there’s only the alert figure of Connor beside you, cool and unwavering against the white seeping through the window. His back is ramrod straight, arms perfectly positioned by his side and you can’t help but feel a little bit envious of whatever temperature regulation androids are equipped with because he looks perfectly fine in the sub temperature. Pouting, you muffle a sneeze with the jacket hung loosely around your frame and try to ignore the chill seeping under your skin and making your teeth knock clumsily together.
The brief hadn’t gone exactly to plan. Well, that wasn’t completely accurate; it had, in your Lieutenant's own words gone to all shit . You had snorted when the irate voice had grumbled out from your phone and smiled breathlessly through your post-adrenaline buzz at the many curses following. Investigation turned pursuit turned stakeout, something rare even by your standards, and now you were huddled in the front seat of some ancient relic of a car with no heating. It had been soothing at first, chancing glances at the android next to you and listening the wind when the reception had cut out, but after a good four hours of silence save for the gentle thrum of Connor’s fingers flicking at a coin, you were ready to call it a day.
Stakeouts were usually like this. Long and exhausting that is. But for some reason it feels harder this time, more testing -- maybe it was because of the weather or the lack of activity, but a part of you insists it’s less to do with what's outside of the car and more to do with what’s inside. You swallow down that thought as soon as it appears and shepherd it away for another time.
“Detective Y/N, your heart rate seems to have alleviated suddenly.” You squinted over the fur rim brushing your chin and watched as Connor tilted his head slightly, LED light thrumming a soft yellow. “And your temperature has steadily dropped to that of an uncomfortable level for a human. 32 degrees Celsius to be precise. Actions to induce warmth is advised.” A sigh grated under your breath.
“I’m o-okay, Connor, really. I’m just a little chilly s’all.” You shrugged casually but the android merely arched a fine brow.
“A temperature ranging between 28 and 32 degrees Celsiusis is enough to create mild hyperthermia that, without treatment, can lead to a decreased heart rate, slurred speech, fatigue and discomfort. Considering the nature of our mission we will need to be out here for at least another 3 hours and your symptoms will only worsen.” Connor drawled firmly, fingers twitching over that coin.
“I know that, but honestly I’ll be fine.” You grinned toothily, “Cross my h-heart.”
“Action...is still advised.”
You bit back a cringe This is why the past four hours had be close to unbearable. Even though the newly assured rights for androids was still unsteady and was taking a good amount of adjusting to around the base, you had always liked Connor, and that hadn’t changed even when Hank had clapped you on the shoulder and told you to be nice to our tin can here, he’s got laws now ‘n everything . Nothing had changed for you, but it seemed something had for Connor; he had been frustratedly formal with you ever since returning to the Detroit Police force. Not that he had ever really been anything but polite and neutral, but towards the end it had felt like there was something there. Something that you couldn’t quite place but flickered restlessly in his eyes when you spoke or through his fingers when he had patched up your scuffed knees after a mission. Something that despite everything seemed almost human.
A shiver raced down your spine and you swallowed, ducking your head away. “I’ll live. There’s not really anything we can do after all.”
The android hummed thoughtfully, tossing the coin between each palm before brushing it under his knuckles and pocketing the sliver of metal. “I suppose you are right.”
You nodded, burying your face down into your coat and watching the way the wind blew the snow around erratically. The house you were camped outside of was old and impossibly still, as though it hadn’t been touched in years. But you trusted Connor's insistence that your man had darted into it. To be fair it looked like the sort of shit hole that only you would have to stakeout.
“Though,” Connor’s voice was quiet when he spoke again, something you'd call almost hesitant, if you didn’t know better. “Most androids are equipped with heating components, in event of emergency.”
With a jolt you twitched around to stare him in the face, searching for any hint of what was going on behind those brown eyes. “I...I didn’t know that.”
Blinking back at you, Connor’s features were a perfect mask of neutrality and he nodded before continuing. “That’s to be expected, it’s not exactly common knowledge. Naturally a close proximity is necessary in order to have full effects.”
Your throat bobbed as you swallowed. “Oh.” Oh indeed.
“Would you be okay with a closer proximity, in order to raise your temperature and treat your mild case of hypothermia?” You cursed the casual set of Connor’s voice, like the concept of essentially cuddling with you wasn’t any big deal. It shouldn’t be, you reminded yourself.
For a moment you paused, nibbling on your lip and running the suggestion through your head. Being so close to one of your sore spots probably wasn’t a good idea, but it was pretty damn cold and your fingers were starting to tingle. Peering at him though your lashes, you nodded in Connor’s direction slowly.
Lean arms loop around your shoulders and, before you’re really ready for it, your face is being nestled into Connor’s chest. Your hands rise automatically to latch onto his chest and you flush so hard even your ears burn. A dim part of your frets that he can probably detect your elevated heartbeat and high temperature, but you hardly process that thought when Connor’s hand fits into the small of your back. But he was right, it’s so warm and even though you’re having a partial melt down at the close proximity, you appreciate the way the cold retreats sullenly from your form.
“Is this alright?” Connor’s murmurs and you let the smooth quality of his voice wash over you. A gentle nudge against waist reminds you that he had asked you a question.
“Y-Yeah.” You ignore the way your heart hammers against your rib cage, “It’s, uh, great.”
Vibrations dance over your front when Connor hums. “I’m glad.”
Silence settles lightly between you and you take the time to analyse the android next to you's reaction. You’re too close to really catch a glimpse of his face, but when you crane your eyes upwards you can see his LED light and study the way it arcs round. It’s yellow. You frown. What was he thinking about? You’re not sure but he’s perfectly still and it makes you restless. Fidgeting, you wince when the gear catches on your side and shift closer. Connor tightens his grip to accommodate your move, muttering your title curiously.
Your voice is muffled against his shirt when you speak. “S’nothing. I’m just a little uncomfortable over here.”
More of the yellow LED light. “If that’s the case, you could...sit with me.” Connor’s voice dips gently, so imperceptly that you wouldn’t notice it unless you were really listening and your ears perk up with interest.
“You can do that if you want. Hold me properly. I don’t mind.” You’re cautious, encouraging that flaw in his perfect composure.
“Are you certain? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” You wave away his worries quickly.
“It’s fine, trust me.”
A beat passes before Connor lets his fingers curve around the back of your neck and hoists you closer over the console until your legs are flush with his. You have all of two seconds to catch your breath before his chin tucks on top of your temple and his arm bands around your side. It’s intimate and so much more closer than before and your breath shudders as you let your hands rest on his chest. A gentle noise of contentment from the body underneath you makes it easier and you settle down with only a small amount of reluctance, letting your face rest in the crook of his shoulder. As you relax, so does Connor and you almost purr when his fingers play with the shorter strands of your hair by your neck.
“Detective?” Connor utters after a moment. “May I ask you a personal question?”
Starting at the break in the quiet, you hum in response and go back to lazily counting the moles littering the smooth expanse of his neck. The break from the polite android sent by cyberlife act is refreshing and you feel yourself open up gently. The fact that Connor’s now gently massaging your scalp doesn’t help either.
“How do you know the difference between platonic affection and romantic attraction?”
You stiffen against the android, ceasing your counting and staring at when your legs are strung next to his. The question is unexpected to say the least and way out of character by your standards of Connor. But he’s not just the Connor you knew before, you remind yourself, he’s a deviant now, and you don’t know deviant Connor. The thought makes you upset so you ignore it and consider his question.
“I’m not sure. I suppose it changes from person from person.” Connor breaths out against your temple and you continue. “But I think if you care for someone platonically, they’re like a companion. A friend. Romantically if different. You want to be with that person all the time. They make you feel thing, nervous, happy. It’s overwhelming in a way being with a friend isn’t.”
“I see.” He stated, and edge to his voice that you weren’t used to.
“Why do you ask Connor?” You asked when it became clear that he wasn’t about to elaborate and prayed you weren’t overstepping.
Connor shifted slightly, voice low when he next spoke. “I feel as if I haven't spoken to you for a while, Detective. I must apologise, I know it has upset you and I wanted you to know that I meant nothing against you by it. I have been...conflicted since returning to the precinct and I wanted to test something out.”
“Oh, uh, that’s o-okay.” Blinking, you let your bewilderment bleed into your voice. Though he had ducked away your question smoothly, it was nice to hear that he still cared, in his own way. “I’m glad you aren’t mad at me. But what do you mean by test?”
Connor is silent for an awkward beat and you try to get a peek at his expression but he stops you with a raggard sigh. His face presses into your hair and you start to actually feel concerned, frowning.
“Connor…?”
"This is new for me." Connor's voice is strained and his fingers clench over your side uselessly. "I...I don't know how to express things."
Your breath stutters and if it weren't for his hand still resting on the nape of your neck you'd look up, search his eyes, watch for any emotions that might ripple into his features. Instead you whisper out, "Express what?"
"That I care for you. What you mean to me."
Your heart leaps at his words and you struggle more firmly against his hold, bemoaning the loss of heat when his arms snap away. Soft eyes meet your when you peer up into his face, hesitant and darkening with emotions that makes your breath stutter. “Connor, what do you-- I don’t understand.”
His jaw stiffens and you watch as his LED light flickers from yellow to red, then back to yellow. “I mean, I feel something for you Detective and I’m not entirely sure what it is. I don’t understand human emotions, let alone my own.”
Hope blossoms beautiful within you and you inch your hand closer to his hands, that rest tensely on his lap. “Do you - do you want to describe them to me? Maybe I can help.”
Connor glances away from you gaze to watch the way you fingers curl around his. His features contort ever so slightly when he meets you stare again. “I feel like I’m suffocating. Like I need to be near to you, to speak to you. It’s not like anything I’ve felt before and I don’t understand. I tried to make it stop, to keep away, but I don’t want to .” His voice trembles a tiny bit on his last sentence and your heart constricts.
“Connor.” You breathe, grasping his hand finally and delighting the way his fingers return the pressure. It’s as though a dam has broken open and emotion pours from the android in front of you. It barely there, but you can see the thoughts running through him and it’s so different you think you may get whiplash. It’s like that spark you had cherished and missed from before has leapt out and is curling around your very being.
His fingers twitch when his name falls past your lips, tangling more firmly with your own and your breath hitches. He looks so lost, so confused and it makes you want to hold him more, comfort him the best you can. You murmur, “Oh, Connor.”
“I’m sorry, I know this is a lot to process.” Despite the guilty tone to his voice, Connor’s eyes are burning, analysing your actions. It makes you shiver.
“No, don’t.” You shift closer and trace up those moles on his neck until your hands are cupping his jaw. His eyes follow your hand as far as they can and you whisper out, “I missed you Connor.”
The lost look has disappeared from his face and from the darkness you watch as something warmer returns and you watch as it sharpens onto you, only you. The very knowledge burns you right to the core and you brush your lips over his cheek. “I missed you too.”
Your lips are on his before he can finish speaking and sag with relief when his arms latch back onto your side. He’s slow but then so are you, clumsy with affection as you slant your lips into his. A tiny noise escapes you when his lips move more firmly, parting you for him and brushing his tongue quickly over the seam of your lips. It’s cheeky and you grip the lapels of his jacket and try your best to keep up when he quite literally steals your breath away. You break away with a wet gasp and shiver in the cool air, grinning breathlessly as Connor pulls you impatiently back to him seconds later.
Even with the chill from outside seeping into the car, you feel hot as Connor continues to drag you down into a haze. You abuse the material of his shirt, crumpling it under your fist and sighing against his mouth when his fingers slip under your jacket and splay over your burning skin. There's no doubt in your mind that Connor can feel how hard your heart is beating, how warm you've become and the almost cocky way he smirks against you is more than evidence of that. But you can't find it in you to care, not when he was pushing hair away from your face and touching your cheek delicately.
You’re not too sure what androids feel, if they can love the same way you can, even for deviants. But you know there’s something between you when Connor draws back to litter kisses over your cheeks tenderly, when he smiles ever so slightly at your resounding giggle, when his eyes clash against yours. It’s something and sitting with him among the cold and snow and soft kisses, you’re beyond glad of having that something.