Chapter Text
For the next few days, Remus doesn't hear from Sirius very much. He doesn't go completely radio silent - he sends Remus a few texts, mostly random one-off stuff, but it's reassuring to know that Remus hadn't completely put him off, what with his prying and boundary-pushing and everything.
Unfortunately, the reduced communication means that Remus has extra time to overthink everything - namely Sirius allegedly fancying him. Just... sorry, but it's pretty damn difficult for Remus to believe. It makes no sense. In fact, Remus would call it downright illogical, all things considered. "All things" being that Sirius looks like that and Remus is sickly and scrawny and has wonky teeth and is overall just... not in Sirius's league. At all.
Anyways, even if Sirius thinks he likes Remus now, Remus's health issues have gotten in the way of relationships before; when people realize the limitations that his nerve damage and organ damage actually put on what Remus can do and when and how often, and when they realize how unpredictable it all is and how flaky it can sometimes make him, a fair number of people either get intimidated or decide he's not worth the effort. Remus had mentioned his pain issues, of course, and Sirius had been understanding then; but there's still plenty of time for Sirius to change his mind about whether Remus is worth the trouble.
And then there's Harry. Who Remus is extremely fond of at this point, don't get him wrong - it's just that he sincerely doubts Sirius is going to change his mind about what he was saying the other day, that it's selfish to want to date Remus when he's got Harry to look after. Even if he somehow, miraculously manages to get his head around the idea that Sirius apparently fancies him, he doubts it will make a difference to the outcome of this situation.
That outcome being that Remus is never going to get to date Sirius, and will probably die alone.
Peter, when Remus calls him up to complain about how everything is terrible and his life stinks and why did stupid Sirius have to come into Remus's stupid bookshop and make Remus fall in love with his stupid face, says that he thinks Remus might be overthinking things again; but instead of that making Remus feel better, he just starts overthinking about whether he's overthinking. So that's brilliant.
Long story short, Remus is miserable and his life is pathetic and he's trying quite hard not to get his hopes up about Sirius because he can't see anything coming from getting his hopes up other than the aforementioned hopes ending up in a flaming pile on the ground.
("You're a little bit of a mess, mate," Peter remarks to him, and all Remus can do is groan in agreement.)
One week after he last saw Sirius, Remus gets a text as he's opening the shop. He fishes his phone out of his pocket with one hand as he fumbles with the keys with the the other, and his heart skips a beat in a now quite familiar way when he sees Sirius' name on his screen.
"what kind of coffee do u like?"
"hot chocolate ;)" he sends back once he's gotten inside and turned the lights on. He doesn't think much of it - it's not terribly unusual for Sirius to text him random questions - but then he receives another text, within seconds of sending his response, that makes him start frantically flattening his hair down and smoothing out his rumpled jumper.
"lol ur too cute. r u working today? is it cool if i come by?"
Remus takes a quick moment to panic - he's really cut his panic time down recently, somehow, in spite of everything, and he's quite pleased about it - before texting back "yeah, sounds good".
Sirius is there within ten minutes.
He has a coffee cup in each hand and a big smile on his face and... he doesn't have Harry with him. He's not wearing the baby carrier, nor is he pushing the stroller.
Also, he's wearing a crop top.
Remus is going to die.
Sirius offers him one of the cups - "Hot chocolate," he says, "with whipped cream, I hope that's okay" - and all Remus can do is stare at him and blink a few times.
“Remus?” Sirius prompts him, wiggling the proffered cup slightly. “Hot chocolate?”
“Sorry,” Remus chokes out, taking it from him hastily. “I just… you look really, uh… really nice.”
Sirius actually blushes a little, and he tucks a strand of hair behind his ear - a gesture that Remus is starting to realize is a nervous habit. "Thanks. You don't look too bad yourself."
Remus looks down at himself. He's wearing one of his oldest jumpers - one of his favourites, but the cuffs are starting to fray - and some faded black jeans. He's hardly the height of fashion. But he doesn't comment, just looks back up, takes the hot chocolate, and gives Sirius the most normal smile he possibly can.
"Where's Harry?" he asks as he takes a sip of his drink, which is actually... ridiculously good. (He makes a mental note to ask Sirius where he got it.)
Sirius leans against the counter; he doesn't meet Remus's eyes, just keeps his gaze on his hands. "I..." he says, sounding uncharacteristically hesitant. "I left him with my friend Marlene. She said she would look after him for the day."
He looks so unsure of himself, and Remus can see traces of guilt lingering on his face. He glances at Remus out of the corner of his eye, almost as though he's expecting to be scolded - even though Remus had been the one to tell him to consider some alone time.
So Remus gives him the most reassuring smile he can. "That's nice of her," he says. "Got any plans for your day off?"
"If I say 'you' is that corny?"
Remus feels himself turn red, because of course he's blushing and can't just be cool for once. Also, his mouth has decided to stop working again, so that's fun. He just shakes his head mutely, his face turning even redder as Sirius smiles at him.
"Good," he says, "because I wanted to talk to you."
"Oh," Remus says blankly. That sounds... ominous. Probably Sirius wants to tell him that he was just, like, delirious or something when he said he liked Remus the other day. (That doesn't really jive with Sirius calling him cute and bringing him hot chocolate, but Remus never claimed that his anxiety is rational.)
"I've been thinking a lot about what you said the other day." Sirius is still not quite looking at him, just glancing out of the corner of his eye, and he's absentmindedly picking at the cardboard sleeve on his coffee cup. "And... and you were right. About all of it."
"I was?" is Remus's first thought, but he manages to restrain himself from saying it. He just nods and tries to look encouraging, waiting for Sirius to go on.
"I made an appointment with a therapist," Sirius blurts out after a brief pause, his words coming out slightly rushed. "Well, two appointments. One a few days ago, and another later this week. And I talked to some of Lily's friends - Harry's mum - I don't know why I never thought of it before, that they might want to see Harry, but Marlene said she'd be happy to look after him sometimes and so did Mary. And... and I left him with Marlene for a few hours while I was at my appointment the other day, and I was kind of a mess about it, but then everything was fine. He was perfectly happy when I came to pick him up and Marlene said she'd be happy to take him again, so... so I wanted to come see you and say thank you."
Remus is… speechless. He couldn’t stop the smile that’s spreading across his face if he tried, but he does feel like it might be mildly inappropriate, so he ducks his head and smiles down at the counter instead.
“No need to thank me - I mean, you did all the difficult parts -”
“But I wouldn’t have,” Sirius interrupts, sounding solemn and earnest all at once. “I would have kept going the way I was going until I shattered into pieces, and I would never have asked for help, because I never do - if you hadn’t pointed out how badly I needed it, and said what you said about Harry, I would not have gone for therapy, and that is a fact, Mr. Lupin, so don’t you try to be all modest about it.”
Somehow, Remus manages to swallow down the urge to protest. “Don’t mention it,” he manages, and then adds: “How was it? Your appointment, I mean.”
Sirius pulls a little face, which is unfairly cute, and shrugs. "You know. Hard. Probably only going to get harder. I mean, and then easier, or so I've been told."
Before Remus has a change to respond, the bell over the door jingles and a customer walks in - a young woman who looks frazzled beyond belief. She's in sweatpants and a t-shirt which is both inside out and backwards, and when her eyes fall on Remus, she lets out a huge sigh of relief.
"Hi," she says breathlessly. "I'm looking for a book, it's really, really urgent. Do you have anything on wallpaper manufacturing in 19th century France? I mean, really it's a specific book that I need but at this point any book will do, I have like, 12 hours to get this paper done-"
Remus is very much under the impression that this woman is going to dissolve into tears if he doesn't produce this book imminently. As subtly as he can, he shoots Sirius an apologetic look - Sirius raises his eyebrows in response, as if to say "go do your job", and so Remus accompanies the customer upstairs and spends about ten minutes going through the shelves with her until finally, finally, he unearths a book entitled “Between Invention and Production: The Role of Design in the Manufacture of Wallpaper in France and England at the Turn of the Nineteenth Century” and she practically starts weeping as she thanks him profusely.
When they get back downstairs, Sirius is still leaning against the counter, sipping his coffee. (And, Remus can't help but think, he still looks really, really, really good.) He steps aside to let the young woman pay, and then she dashes out and Remus and Sirius are alone together once again.
"Should I go?" Sirius asks. "I mean, you're at work and all-"
"No, stay," Remus replies hurriedly. "I mean, if you don't mind waiting around if a customer comes in - sorry about that, by the way, I didn't think it would take so long -"
"Don't apologize." Sirius laughs, and Remus is pretty sure it's rapidly becoming one of his favourite sounds in the world. "Gave me some time to rehearse what I want to say for - I dunno, the sixteenth time?"
As if on queue, Remus's heart starts racing. "Oh?" he says remarkably calmly, pretending like his brain isn't actively trying to convince as they speak him that Sirius is about to crush his heart into smithereens.
"Yeah, I guess I should just spit it out already, huh?"
Remus is definitely imagining how nervous Sirius looks, right? He’s picking at his coffee cup sleeve again and he’s got his gaze fixed down at the counter, and he’s silent for a moment before he says, “I’m kind of… a mess. I’ve been kind of a mess for a long time, since long before James died, and that certainly hasn’t helped matters at all. And I can be kind of a hard person to be around sometimes, and I have a kid now, and I don’t know that I’m worth the effort, but what I want to say is that I really, really like you, and that I’d really like to go out with you - and it’s not that I think you’re going to fix me or something, and I’ll totally understand if you don’t want to, but…”
He trails off with a wince and mumbles an apology under his breath, and Remus almost laughs because this is ridiculous, that Sirius would doubt for one second that of course Remus wants to date him and that he could possibly think that he’s the potentially undesirable one is just… he doesn’t even know what to say.
"I think you're underselling yourself a bit, there," he goes with eventually, because that’s as good a place as any to start. "You know I love Harry, and I, um, I'd really like to go out with you too?"
It seems to take a moment for that to land but as soon as it does, Sirius’s whole face lights up. “Wait, really?” he says, sounding positively delighted. “You mean that?”
“Yeah, of course I do, I just - I mean - listen, I’m kind of a mess too,” Remus blurts out, because apparently it’s his turn to ramble now. “I have health issues and an anxiety disorder and sometimes I can’t do stuff even if I want to, and some people find it all too much to handle, so you just… should probably factor all that in to asking me out. But, I mean, if you’re still interested-”
“Of course I’m still interested,” Sirius interrupts eagerly.
“-Then of course I want to go out with you,” Remus concludes. He feels like his face is on fire and hopes he doesn’t look too ridiculous, blushing so much. It seems that Sirius doesn’t think he looks ridiculous, because he grins widely and leans in across the counter, close enough that Remus can see the flecks of blue in his eyes.
“Awesome,” he says softly. “In that case, if it’s cool, I would really, really like to kiss you now.”
Remus doesn’t answer. Instead, he leans the rest of the way over the counter and kisses Sirius right on the mouth.
“Cool,” Sirius mumbles against his lips, and kisses him back.
***
3 Months Later
By the time the bookstore closes for the day, the steady drizzle that had lasted for most of the afternoon has tapered off. Remus had brought an umbrella with him to work (mostly thanks to the text he’d received from Sirius right before he left in the morning that said morning babe, rain 2day, take an umbrella :*) but he’s quite pleased not to have to use it.
He’s just locking the door behind him when, right on time, Sirius shows up, pushing Harry in his stroller. Harry squeals happily when Remus turns around to greet them, waving one chubby hand at him and saying, “Wemus, hi Wemus!”. It hadn’t taken him too long to master Remus’s name, but it still makes Remus smile every single time.
“Hey Harry,” he says in reply, walking over to them. “Hi Sirius.”
Even though it’s been three whole months, the way that Sirius smiles at him gives him butterflies. “How was work?” Sirius asks, planting a kiss on Remus’s cheek as soon as he gets close enough. “Are you still up for the art gallery or would you rather just go to your place for a bit?”
After a moment’s hesitation, Remus answers honestly. “I mean… my place, if you’re sure you don’t mind. I had to move some boxes around today, I’d kind of like to get off my feet.”
“‘Course,” Sirius says without missing a beat, and takes Remus’s hand as they start to walk. “We’ll order something in.”
Remus realises a block later that he hadn’t even been worried that Sirius would be annoyed or fed up about the art gallery - he’s perfectly content following Remus’s lead, even when that means staying in because his whole body is yelling at him. The moment’s hesitation had been for Harry, who loves visits to the art gallery - Lily used to take him, Sirius says, that’s probably why, although neither of them is quite sure whether it’s possible he remembers that and neither of them is inclined to find out. But it’s fine, they can go some other day, and he knows that Harry will also have a good time watching cartoons while he and Sirius cuddle on the couch.
He can’t stop smiling all the way home because he thinks, perhaps, that the future isn’t just the bookshop and doctor’s appointments. It’ll include those things, of course, but there’s so much more now - an adorable baby (who has officially outgrown his baby carrier), for one thing, and a boyfriend who’s doing better every day. He really thinks that things look bright for the two of them - that this could be something really real. When he looks forward, he doesn’t get dragged down into a pool of anxiety anymore - he just feels hopeful.
And when Harry insists on getting out of the stroller and walking, he reaches up for Remus’s hand as if it’s the most natural thing in the world; and Remus can’t think of anywhere he’d rather be than walking home with a tiny, sticky hand in his and the promise of a night in with Sirius before him.