Chapter Text
Jensen walked fiercly across the studio lot, no particular destination in mind. His insides were boiling. He was angry, no, beyond angry. At the same time, underneath the anger, he felt like crying.
How could you do that to me? Again? Why can’t I be enough?
He pushed that aside. He wasn’t some love sick school girl, dammit. A sharp pain in his palm made him look down. He hadn’t even noticed that his fingers had closed into fists. He was still holding the broken necklace in his hand and it had dug itself into the palm of his hand. Angrily he shoved it ito his pocket. Clenching his teeth, he kept walking. He needed to clear his head.
He’d circled the studio lot once when the sound of boastful laughter made him perk up. A group of three stage hands were standing near the back entrance to studio 11. A big, burly man was leaning against the wall, one arm confidently pushed into his side, the other holding the still smoking stub of a cigarette.
“You’re kidding. You and Misha?” one of the other two men asked, disbelief evident in his voice.
“Oh yeah. And I’m telling you, that guy has quite a mouth on him.”
Jensen swallowed. Misha wouldn’t have... - would he?
He quickly stepped into the shadow of a nearby trailer and listened.
“You’re just making this shit up.” the smaller of the two other guys had crossed his arms in front of his chest and shook his head.
“I’m not. He sucked my cock right behind that building half an hour ago.”
Jensen let out a low growl.
A fucking stage hand?!
Someone he’d see and have to work with every day? Fury started rising up in him.
Fuck you, Misha. Couldn’t you at least have chosen someone from outside the production?
“No way did he give you a blow job.”
“Sure he did. Guys like him are always hungry for cock.”
“Huh. I actually thought he had a secret boyfriend or something.” the third man chimed in.
“He always has this goofy smile on his face when he reads his text messages. Like he’s heavily in love.”
Jensen closed his eyes for a moment and clenched his teeth.
Right. For someone in love, he sure sleeps around with other people a lot .
“Oh, he’s got a boyfriend alright. But these types can never get enough cock. Just too shy to ask for it. But deep down he wants it. You just gotta show him who’s boss.”
Jensen frowned. That didn’t really sound like Misha. But then he had to remind himself that he’d clearly overestimated how well he knew him. He snorted bitterly and turned to leave. He didn’t want to hear any more of this.
“It’s all about what and who you know. His boyfriend’s still in the closet, see? Just had to remind him to be a good little boy if he wanted it to stay that way.”
Jensen stopped dead in his tracks, an icy chill freezing every vein in his body.
What?
“That made him quite the obedient little slut.”
From his hiding spot behind the trailer he took another good look at the man. He was his own height, at least, and strongly built, definitely stronger than Misha. The image of Misha in his trailer came rushing back to him. The disheveled hair, the crumpled shirt, the look of horror in his eyes. He thought about the bruises he’d seen on his ribs. Realization hit him and he started to feel sick.
Oh God.
Jensen cursed himself. Misha had tried to tell him. He’d tried to tell him what had happened, what had been done to him, but Jensen hadn’t listened and stormed off. His boyfriend had needed him, had come to him for help, and he’d left him alone.
Then another thought dawned on him.
This was his fault.
Misha had been threatened, been blackmailed into this, been brutalized - but not with something he’d done, but with his, with Jensen’s secret. Misha had come out years ago, and despite some quite heavy backlash, never regretted it. He’d urged Jensen to do the same. Jensen had refused. It was a constant topic of tension between them.
Jensen knew Misha didn’t like hiding their relationship. He knew it made him unhappy that he couldn’t tell the world about them, couldn’t touch him, kiss him or even hold his hand in public.
But for all his prodding and pleading Misha had always respected his wish to remain in the closet.
Jensen closed his eyes again. He’d been an absolute asshole to Misha, accusing him of horrible things - when in truth the man had done nothing but protect his stupid wish to keep his sexuality and their relationship a secret.
He had refused to openly stand by the man he loved, and now Misha had gotten hurt because of him.
It’s my fault.
The sound of loud voices tore him from his thoughts.
“You’re full of shit. Tell your made-up stories to someone else.”
He looked up in time to see that the other two stage hands had turned to leave, with irritated expressions on their faces. The burly man shouted after them “Go fuck yourselves, cunts!” and grabbed his groin to accentuate his words.
Jensen was seething, his hands balling into fists on their own. He wanted nothing more than to run over there, break every bone in that guy’s body and beat him into a bloody pulp.
But at the same time he realized that he’d just left Misha alone when he needed him most. Even worse, he’d basically kicked him when he was down. He needed to go back, find him, and help him in any way he could. Tell him that he’d be ok. Tell him how sorry he was.
He reeled for a moment, torn between what to do first. He knew Misha needed him, but he needed to get rid of this maddening anger inside of him first, or he would be no good to him at all. Decision made, he set his jaw and moved to step out of the shadow, when he halted again.
What was he supposed to do? His intention had been to walk over and punch the guy square in the face for daring to lay a hand on his boyfriend. But then what? The guy would call the police, there’d be a half dozen or so witnesses and he’d be in big trouble. And Misha would be alone. And on top of that the guy was sure to make their secret public then.
With a grunt of frustration he unclenched his fists and forcefully shoved them into his pockets instead, just to do anything at all. That’s when he had the idea.
The stage hand threw down the remainder of his cigarette bud and stomped it out on the pavement. When he looked up, he was surprised to be staring right into Jensen’s very furious face.
“I know what you did, you asshole.”
And with that, Jensen stepped forward, and punched him in the gut.
The man in front of him had barely swayed where he stood, as if he had hardly even felt the punch. He snorted in amusement, looked down at his shirt and flicked his fingers at it, as if he was brushing away some dust.
“Was that the best you got? You’re such a fag that you even hit like a girl.”
Jensen took a step backwards. The man in front of him started grinning.
“Upset because someone else got a taste of your little slut?”
“You are never going near Misha again, dickhead.” Jensen pressed out, his face twitching with hatred, but careful to keep his voice down.
“Come on.” the guy beckoned. “Try hitting me again, you fag. Maybe I’ll actually feel it this time.”
Instead, Jensen took another step backwards, away from him.
“That’s right you little coward.”
The guy sneered. “You better not mess with-”
“You’re an asshole!” Jensen barked suddenly, cutting the guy off.
He had been loud enough to turn several heads in their direction. His tone had been accusing and aggressive, the kind that makes people perk up and pay attention. They were being watched now.
“Oh, you’re insulting me?!”
Jensen glanced around them and counted the number of eyes on them, and pressed his lips together.
“You want to apologize for that!” the guy roared in an indignant tone - and a bit louder than necessary. The burly man had clearly noticed their quickly growing audience as well, and a smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth.
“The hell I will - you own me an apology!” Jensen shot right back.
“Oh really?” the man sneered and pursed his lips. “And what for, exactly?” His voice sounded mocking and provocative, knowing full well Jensen wouldn’t say what for while they were being watched.
Jensen he clenched his teeth.
“I’ll make you pay for this.” he muttered under his breath, low enough so that only the brute could hear him this time. The guy hadn’t missed the change in his voice. Another smirk flashed briefly across his face.
“No you won’t. Look around you.”
Jensen didn’t need to look. He was aware that there were a good dozen people watching them now. The circle around them gradually became smaller as people came closer.
“You can’t touch me, you little poof. Or everyone will find out that after a long day of filming you like to suck your co-star’s cock.”
Just for the tiniest of moments, Jensen drew his lips into a wicked smile.
Then he straightened his back, raised his hand and held it out to the man, palm facing up.
“Give it back!” he barked, loud again this time.
The stagehand in front of him looked at his hand in confusion for a moment, unsure of what to make of it.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about, you little shit!”
The anger was practically radiating off of the guy. Jensen figured the crowd was the only thing that kept him from throwing punches his way. Out of the corner of his eye he saw one of the production assistants approach them with quick steps, a concerned look on his face. He was talking quickly into his phone.
He cocked his head.
“Don’t play dumb, you know exactly what I’m talking about!”
He pushed his hand forward, holding it out like he expected the guy to give him something.
The guy still stared at him, irritated.
“I said I have no fucking clue what you have your panties in a bunch about, prick!” he growled, apparently opting for aggression as a best way to deal with his confusion.
Their audience had grown even further. Everyone on the lot and within earshot had stopped what they were doing and was gathering around to see what the commotion was about.
From the studio entrance he noticed Kelly, one of the studio executives, hurrying towards them as well, two security men in tow.
He had to give her credit on how fast she managed to cross the entire lot and reach them, while wearing the kind of heels that she did.
“What’s going on here?”
In her usual manner, she immediately seized control of the situation, planting herself firmly in between the two men. Even though they both were more than a head taller than her, they both took a step backwards
“Gentlemen, do we have a problem?”
Before anybody else could say anything, Jensen jumped in.
“Yes, we do. This guy stole from me.” He pointed an accusing finger at the man. Maybe a little childish, but they had an audience, after all.
Kelly turned to look at the stage hand questioningly.
“That’s bullshit.” he spat.
“Don’t deny it. I saw you take it!” Jensen yelled back.
“Gentlemen, please keep your voices under control.”
Kelly sighed in slight annoyance, as if she was dealing with a pair of upset kindergardeners.
Apparently the brute had exhausted his vocabulary of swear words.
“It’s total bullshit.” he repeated, though decidedly less loud. Kelly had that effect on everyone.
“Why would I want anything from you? I’m not one of your stupid fans.”
“I don’t know, to sell it on eBay, I guess. Padding up your income. This happens all the time.”
The brute stared at him blankly, clearly unsure of what to say.
Kelly sighed.
“Well, there’s a fairly quick way to resolve this.”
She turned to the stage hand.
“Barley? I’m sorry, but I’m going to ask Trevor to pat you down.” she said, pointing to one of the security guards.
A confident smile on his face, Barley lifted his arms while Trevor stepped behind him and searched him. One by one he fished a cellphone, a set of car keys and an employee badge from of his pockets and handed it to Kelly.
“Everything on me is mine.” Barley snarled, shooting a triumphant look at Jensen.
“That’s all.” Trevor said.
Barley snorted.
“No wait, there’s one more thing in here.”
The security guard retreated his hand from the jacket and handed something small to Kelly, a little silver medallion on a broken leather strap.
Kelly looked at it for a moment then held it up accusingly. “So this is yours?”
Barley looked at the necklace in complete and utter confusion.
“It has an engraving on the back.” She turned the medallion over and read aloud. “To Jensen, Love Always, M.”
“That’s not mine. I mean, I’ve never seen that before.”
“Ok, so you agree that it’s not yours. May I ask how it found its way into your pocket?”
Her voice sounded a lot cooler now than it had a second ago.
Barley’s eyes snapped to face him, but Jensen kept his face perfectly netural.
“He planted it when he punched me.”
“He punched you? Is that true? Are you hurt?” Kelly asked, there seemed to be actual concern in her voice.
“Oh come on, I didn’t touch you!” Jensen groaned in disbelief.
“Did anybody see him punch him?” she asked aloud, looking around.
People around them started shaking their heads. Someone shouted that Jensen had been standing at least an arms length away from Barley the entire time.
“Barley, this is a serious accusation. Can you prove this? Is there a bruise you can show us?”
The man’s face fell. Jensen had to fight to keep his lips from twitching upwards.
“I.. I don’t bruise that easily.” he started. When he saw the epxression on Kelly’s face change to an annoyed frown he quickly added “But he did hit me. Punched me right in the gut. Not my fault he punches like a girl.”
“Trust me, if I punched you, you’d be on the floor, bleeding.” Jensen snorted.
Kelly turned and looked Jensen up and down for a moment, raising an eyebrow as if to make a point. Jensen secretly smiled at himself. He was wearing one of his tight fitting T-shirts, the sleeves ending just above his biceps, showing off his muscles rather well.
“Right.” Kelly sighed and turned back to the stage hand, her voice leaving no doubt what she thought of this accusation.
“Barley, we have a zero tolerance policy for theft here. Your employment is terminated immediately. I will keep your badge. Take the rest of your things and then these two gentlemen will escort you off the premises.”
Bristling with anger, Barley started stuffing his belongings back into his pockets. He gave a snort. “I have an appointment with a couple of reporters, anyway.”
He shot Jensen a glaring stare, but only earned an indifferent shrug in response.
“Kelly, could I please have my necklace back?”
“Sure.” she smiled apologetically. “That’s a cute engraving. I didn’t know you had a girlfriend.”
“I don’t.” Jensen said loudly, making sure his voice could be heard by everyone. “It’s from my boyfriend. It’s from Misha.”
In an instant, everyone around them fell silent, staring at him, even the two security men stopped in their tracks to gape at him.
“Yes, you heard that right. I’m gay. Misha is my boyfriend. He’s the man I love and who loves me more than I deserve.“
Out of the corner of his eye he saw at least one person who’d held his phone up a little too vertially, clearly recording the whole thing. The headlines of the local gossip magazines for tomorrow were easy to guess.
His secret was out. Everyone would know. He had expected to feel anxcious, but to his surprise found that he didn’t. In fact, he felt relieved.
He should have done this a long time ago.
Kelly was the first to catch herself again.
“Ok, show’s over, everyone. Get back to work.” she turned and started shooing away the crowd who reluctantly dispersed.
Jensen placed the necklace back in his pocket and turned to leave as well. He didn’t even glance back to take a look at the disgruntled Barley who was being escorted of the premises while emitting a string of curses and insults.
He more ran than walked back to the trailer, only keeping from rightout sprinting because he knew he was still being watched. He didn’t want to give the impression that he felt the need to flee right after confessing he was gay and in a relationship. So he paced his steps grudgingly for the benefit of the onlookers until he’d made it to his trailer.
Once inside he panicked for a moment when he didn’t see Misha on the couch where he’d left him. Then he heard the sound of the shower in the bathroom.
He knocked and waited, but there was no answer. He hesitated, unsure whether Misha would even want to see him. After a moment of uncertainty, he decided that he had to at least make sure he was OK, so he opened the door and slipped inside. What he saw almost made his heart break.
Misha had crumpled to the bottom of the shower, sitting on the plastic flooring. His knees were drawn up to his chin and he had his arms wrapped around his legs.
His eyes were wide open, but they were out of focus and he was just staring blankly ahead into nothingness. Jensen wasn’t sure he’d even noticed him stepping in.
“Misha?”
The figure on the floor gave no indication he’d even heard him, but Jensen noticed that he was shaking back and forth. Tentatively he leaned forward and held his hand out under the stream. The water had run cold, probably a while ago. He hurried to turn it off and went to grab the biggest towel he had from the rack. When he returned Misha hadn’t moved an inch.
He knelt down and carefully wrapped the towel around him. As soon as he touched him, Misha flinched away. His eyes shot up and he looked up at him in confusion, as if he’d only just noticed his presence. Jensen could see that his eyes were red and bloodshot.
“Jensen.” he said in a barely audible whisper. Then the words came gushing out of him.
“I didn’t cheat. I swear. Please believe me. I didn’t. I would never. Please believe me.”
Jensen pulled him closer, into his arms and was relieved that he didn’t jerk away from him again. He buried his head in his wet hair and held him tight.
“Shh. It’s ok.”
“I didn’t cheat. I promise.” Misha sobbed against his chest.
“I know.”
“You believe me?”
“Yes. And I’m sorry I didn’t before. I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you. I’m sorry I didn’t listen.”
He heard Misha sigh and felt his body relax against him. He felt fingers burrow deep into his shirt, so desperately tight as if they were clinging to a lifeline.
“I took care of it. You’ll never have to see that guy again.”
He rubbed his back and pulled him even closer against him.
“I’m here. And it’s all going to be ok.”