Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Can’t you just sort of...I don’t know, double stitch it or something?”

Missouri paused long enough to purse her lips and smack Cas on the back of the head, and he chuckled and fell back to the bed with a huff.

“Boy, if you would just give it some time to heal-”

“I’m afraid that’s impossible,” Cas said with a smile, looking over at Dean. “Waited a long time for this, Missouri.”

Dean was curled up on the futon, doubled over with cramps, a thin blanket draped over him to hide his nudity. His fever was back, sweat glistening off his overheated body, his scent thickening with every passing minute.

“Too long,” he growled pitifully, hugging his middle.

“Yeah, well, now you get to wait while I fix the mess you both made here.” She sighed and waved her hand at the bloody stitches. “And try not to undo them this time.”

Dean whined and buried his face into the couch, huffing through the pain. “Hurry,” he said gruffly. “Please.”

Cas pressed his lips together and looked back to Missouri, giving her a curt nod. “My mate needs me, Missouri.”

She fought back a smile as she looked back down, cleaning the wound and removing the old stitches. She stitched him back up fairly quickly, but the short period of time had the air thick with Dean’s scent, sweat soaking through his blanket, his body wracked with fever chills.

Missouri finished and packed up her tools, giving Cas another stern warning to take it as easy as possible, with no more “heavy lifting”. She stopped by Dean on her way out the door, pushing some hair off his sweaty forehead and pressing a kiss there.

“Don’t you worry, baby,” she said gently, “we’re gonna take care of you, okay?”

Dean wasn’t exactly sure what that meant, but he managed a small smile and a nod. Missouri pursed her lips and pulled her jacket around her, leaving without another word.

Dean heaved himself up, the blanket falling to the floor as he moved to stand, but he was flat on his back in a second with his Alpha hovering over him. Dean blinked and arched below him, spreading his legs in an obvious invitation. He was too hot and weak to do much else, and jerked his hips up to rub their cocks together, pre-cum smoothing down the shafts.

“Gonna take me now, Alpha?” Dean asked breathlessly, chest heaving as another wave of pain clenched his abdomen.

Cas set his jaw and settled between Dean’s legs, gripping his thighs to pull him close. He bit his lip as he dipped a hand down to rub along Dean’s leaking hole, and Dean clenched, his body doing its part to entice him. Cas pressed the blunt head of his cock against Dean’s rim, teasing him, before finally pushing inside. He leaned over Dean, looking down at him with hooded eyes, letting them both adjust and allowing a minute to compose himself.

He lowered himself flush against Dean’s torso and wrapped one arm around his waist. Dean’s arms wrapped around Cas’s neck and Cas’s other arm wrapped up and around his shoulder, squeezing it tightly from behind. He pulled out almost completely before throwing his weight behind the first thrust, Dean gasping as Cas bottomed out and circled his hips, his cock buried impossibly deep. Cas hissed as Dean dug his nails into his back, but it only served to spur him on, and soon he was pumping into Dean so hard it pushed him into the armrest of the futon, making a thunking sound each time he hit, joined by the obscene squelching of Cas’s knot popping in and out of his rim.

Dean didn’t care though, holding tightly to Cas’s muscular back and crying out with each thrust, feeling impossibly full and tingling all over. His scent flared powerfully, the aching gland between his neck and shoulder practically burning, begging the Alpha to bite down.

Dean slid his claws into Cas’s hair and pulled him down to his neck. He tilted his head, giving Cas all the room he needed, his gland pulsing with Alpha so close. He moaned when Cas latched on, mouth and tongue licking and sucking at the spot, his fangs teasing but not penetrating just yet. Dean found the same spot on Cas, driven by instincts he’s only just started letting through again after so many years, his smaller fangs grazing over the sweaty skin. They pulsed in his gums, itching to drive inside. All this time Cas never let up in his forceful thrusting, each hit on Dean’s prostate making him see stars and the arm of the futon smacking into his shoulders, which would no doubt leave a bruise later. A bruise he’d wear proudly, to show everyone how good his Alpha could breed him.

Cas slowed his movements as the knot swelled, until he gave one final hard thrust, popping the knot past Dean’s rim and circling his hips. Dean arched as he felt it catch and pulse with Cas’s first orgasm, warmth filling his belly. Cas’s eyes were feral as they looked down at him practically unseeingly, then he licked his lips and pressed them to Dean’s mating gland, before opening his mouth widely and biting down.

Dean cried out and gasped, body going rigid with a brief flash of fear as those monstrous fangs tore easily through his skin. The fear faded into nothing quickly, though, as Dean’s vision swam with a pleasure he’s never known. Like a lightning strike, it lit up his whole body and he could feel it course from head to toe. He clung to Castiel desperately, the Alpha vibrating with a powerful growl that Dean felt all the way to his bones. He shuddered violently and his mouth fell open, fangs glistening before they sunk into the skin between Cas’s neck and shoulder, sealing their mating bond forever.

Cas didn’t let go until his second orgasm took hold, and even then he continued to press his lips against the mark, laving his tongue over the punctures. He groaned against Dean’s skin and Dean arched against him, releasing his own hold on Cas’s neck as he spilled between their bodies.

Dean sagged moments later, his back hitting the cushions as he breathed through his mouth, lips and fangs covered in blood. He pulled Cas down to him to lick at the wound, purring loudly as he cleaned up the puncture wounds. They were nowhere near the size Cas probably left on him, but it was enough to scar and that’s what counted.

Cas worked himself through another orgasm, body finally sagging and chest heaving when he came down from it. His pupils shrank slowly, revealing the blue that Dean loved so much, and his fangs receded. He laid a hand on Dean's neck and pressed their lips together in another languid kiss, brushing his thumb across his jaw.

“I love you, my Omega,” he said when they broke apart. “My mate. ”

Dean grinned up at him, his heart fluttering and his fingers threading through Cas’s thoroughly fucked out hair. “I love you, my Alpha,” he said back. “ My mate. ” It felt so good to say it and have it finally mean something, for it to be real and permanent. The bloody mess on his neck made it so.

Already he could feel his hormones shifting, his instincts bending, his mind opening up, scent morphing. Over the next few days he and Cas would go through subtle, but powerful changes. Changes that would altar how they behaved around each other, how their bodies went through their various cycles, even how their minds connected. There were stories Dean used to hear that said some mates could even feel each other’s emotions, read each other’s thoughts. He wasn’t too sure about all of that, but he also didn’t believe in shifters until very recently. Either way, Dean was beyond happy to finally belong to Cas, to have a bond that could never be broken.

They laid locked together for a long time, and even after the knot released they still didn't move, Cas wordlessly running fingers through Dean's hair and gently down his body. They enjoyed the reverence, the finality of mating, of finally being able to belong to one another. They both still had wounds; wounds that would remain forever, but much like the stitches on Cas’s body, they would fade in time, leaving only faint scars of their past.

This was the acceptance. This was both of them acknowledging the pain of the past, and choosing to move forward. Together.

-----

The rest of Dean’s heat passed in a feverish haze. Dean was at Castiel’s mercy, letting his Alpha breed and pump him full. On the last day of Dean’s heat and Cas’s rut, they moved their aching bodies slowly and Cas knotted him a final time with a soft grunt and stuttering hips. Dean was a boneless mass beneath him, his legs splayed and one hand holding weakly to Cas’s arm. His hole was incredibly sensitive and sore, milking Cas’s knot with sluggish clenching, the muscles loose and tired and the slick gland overworked. Dean was tired, aching, sore, exhausted, and completely fucked out. It was the most amazing thing he’d ever felt; a welcome change to the fear and pain he’d become accustomed to dealing with during his heats.

They slept the entire day after, wrapped clumsily in each other’s arms, the cabin reeking of sex and sweat, their scents so thick it was almost hard to breathe. Cas tiredly cracked a window before collapsing back onto the bed next to the still-sleeping Dean, quickly passing out and neither of them waking until late into the following day.

His mate’s needs forced Cas to stumble out of bed and put together some sort of meal along with a lot of water. He fed his Omega first, who was too sore to move much, and then quickly ate the rest. When Dean had a bit more energy, Cas helped him walk around the cabin to work out the stiff muscles. Cas then helped him into the bath, soaking them both in hot water. Afterwards, the Alpha lathered Dean up with soothing oils and ointments, massaging away any lingering aches, and gave special attention to his abused hole. The rim was puffy and red, and would take a while to fully heal, but Dean didn’t seem to mind. In fact, he was the picture definition of a happy, healthy Omega.

When they were comfortably refreshed and the cabin was thoroughly aired out and cleaned, they set out to get Rory from Charlie's. She'd ended up there after staying the first night with the Banes’, and even with as much time as Charlie spent with her, she was bound to be exhausted by now.

Dean chewed his lip nervously as they walked down the hill, eyeing the people milling about outside of their cabins. Their mating bites had begun healing, but they were still red and scabbed, and it wouldn't take more than a look for people to notice. Despite what Charlie and Missouri had assured him, Dean was still nervous about the pack's reaction to Cas taking a new mate after all these years.

Cas looked over at him and immediately took his hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“Everything is going to be fine, sweetheart,” he said with confidence. “You are perfect, and you make me happy, and they're all going to see that.”

Dean frowned, still unsure, but Cas’s confidence let him relax a little. After all, they were mated now whether the pack liked it or not. Nothing could change that.

Even so, Dean partially hid himself behind Cas once they reached Charlie’s cabin. They didn’t even have a chance to knock before something small and red came flying out, attaching itself to Cas’s legs with a squeal.

“Papa!” Rory smiled up at him. “I was waiting forever .”

“Surely not forever ,” Cas laughed, pulling her into his arms and kissing her cheek. Charlie leaned in the doorway with her arms crossed over her chest, smiling warmly.

“Well, it felt like forever,” she grumbled dramatically, fisting a hand into Cas’s hair. “What took so long?”

Cas glanced over at Dean briefly, pressing his lips together. “We’ll talk about it later, sweetie. Okay?”

For once she deemed that answer good enough, and she nodded, reaching out for Dean.

“Dean!”

Dean smiled and pulled her into his arms, chuckling when she scented at his neck and pulled away with a curious frown.

“You smell funny.”

“Hello to you, too.”

Rory smiled apologetically and wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. If she noticed the healing bite mark, she didn’t say anything.

“Ready to go home?” Dean asked, stroking her hair. Rory sighed and nodded, resting her cheek on his shoulder. He turned to Charlie and gave her a nod.

“Thanks for watching her,” he smiled tentatively, shifting on his feet.

“Anytime,” she smiled back. Her eyes darted back and forth between the two of them but her smile didn’t fade, and she suddenly stepped forward and hugged Cas, then Dean and Rory.

“Seriously,” she said when she pulled away. “Whenever you guys need me, I’m here.”

Cas laid a hand on her cheek and bumped their foreheads together with a smile. “Thank you.” He pulled away and patted her cheek once more, then wrapped his arm around Dean’s waist and kissed Rory on the top of her head.

“Oh, and I almost forgot,” Charlie said suddenly, “Eileen will probably come soon to tell you herself, but she found out that she is with pup. Sam doesn’t know yet, since Benny wouldn’t allow another Alpha in the camp, since-” she looked between the two of them and cleared her throat nervously. “I just...being cautious, I think. Anyway, she still has to tell him, but I thought you’d want to know first.”

“That’s wonderful,” Cas said with a resigned smile. “I’ll speak with Benny about going to get him.”

Dean busied himself with Rory, pointedly ignoring conversations of pups and pregnant Omegas. It was unlikely his heat would produce anything, but it was still a risk they took and it whispered at the back of Dean’s mind. He had a feeling it would always be this way after every heat.

Lost in his thoughts, Dean started when Cas pulled at his hand to lead them back to the cabin. He followed quietly, listening to Rory as she chattered about all they did, what games her friends played, and how much she missed them.

“Sounds like you had too much fun to miss us,” Dean teased as they stepped inside and shook off their jackets.

“I didn’t have that much fun,” Rory clicked her tongue as she climbed onto one of the big pillows. “LiLi doesn’t have a lot of patience for other kids. So my friends can’t stay too long.”

Dean couldn’t really blame Charlie for that. A cabin full of pups sounded like chaos.

Cas kicked off his shoes and wrapped his arm back around Dean, kissing his forehead as Dean stepped out of his own shoes.

“Rory,” Cas started slowly, casting a glance at Dean, “Dean and I have something we need to talk to you about.”

Rory tilted her head to the side. “Okay.”

Cas licked his lips quickly and swallowed, looking at Dean and inclining his head to the side. He led Dean to the futon with a hand on his back, helping him get comfortable before he sat down beside him.

“C’mere,” he gestured to Rory, and she hopped up and joined them, plopping down on Cas’s lap with her legs across Dean’s. Cas brushed some wild hair out of her face and moved it to drape over her shoulder, then took Dean’s hand and gave it a squeeze. Rory looked at them curiously.

“Remember how we talked about Dean staying here?”

Rory nodded, looking down as she fiddled with their hands. “Yeah.”

“Well...Dean is...I think it’s safe to say, officially going to stay here with us.” Cas quirked a smile and glanced at Dean.

Rory glanced between the two of them, biting her bottom lip. “Like...live with us?”

Dean nodded, watching her anxiously.

“Forever?”

His lips twitched in a smile and he shrugged. “Ah, well, as long as I have...so, yes, forever.”

Rory smiled up at him. “Are you and papa mates now?”

Dean’s eyes widened and he glanced at Cas, nodding slowly. “Yes...yes, we’re mated now. Is that okay?”

She shrugged easily. “I don’t really get what mates and stuff are, but I don’t see why I wouldn’t like it. If it means you stay, then it’s okay.”

Dean smiled softly. “Not going anywhere, kiddo.”

She shifted and scooted over into Dean’s lap, wrapping her arms around his neck. Cas wrapped his arm around him too, and Dean leaned into the touch, resting his head on Cas’s shoulder. Cas’s hand came up to cup his head and pull him in, and he kissed him on the forehead.

“Papa, when are you going to go get Sam?”

Cas frowned. “Probably tomorrow...why, Rory?”

She shrugged, pulling idly at Dean’s shirt. “He’s nice. He likes to read, too. He’s read all the Harry Potter books.”

Dean frowned, but didn’t say anything as he looped an arm around his pup. He felt the tiniest stirrings of jealousy, but that was silly. Okay, so he can’t read the Harry Potter books yet. He would eventually. It was stupid to be jealous of an Alpha he didn’t even really know.

“Ah,” Cas murmured. “Well maybe I can talk him into bringing you a book.”

Rory grinned excitedly. “You think he would give one up?”

Cas shrugged, smiling softly. “I bet he has one he wouldn’t mind lending to you. As long as you took care of it.”

Rory rolled her eyes. “Papa, you know I will.”

“I know.”

She grinned and hugged Dean again, kissing his cheek, then climbed down out of his lap without another word and disappeared into her room.

Cas exhaled slowly and scrubbed a hand down his face, letting the hand fall to his knee with a slap . Dean watched the doorway Rory disappeared through, deep in thought about the Alpha he barely knew and the familiarity of his scent, and of the idea that he would soon be spending a lot more time at the compound.

Cas reached up to pull the lip he hadn’t realized he’d been biting from between his teeth, smoothing it over with his thumb. “Hey, don’t worry.”

“I’m not.”

Cas tilted his head knowingly. “Dean.”

Dean sighed and scrubbed at his face. “I’m not... worried . It’s just…” He suddenly sat up and faced Cas, rubbing a palm over his thighs. “Cas, this...Sam. Where did you say he came from again?”

Cas raised a brow and frowned. “He’s from another camp...not too far from here. Why?”

Dean chewed on his lip and looked down. “He...well, I ran into him before he left. No, it’s fine, he didn’t hurt me.”

Cas abruptly stopped and actually blushed when he realized he’d been growling.

“It’s just...he,” Dean sighed, “He smelled...very familiar. Like...I should know him.”

Cas narrowed his eyes and pressed his lips together. “Familiar like...Michael familiar?”

“No, no,” Dean waved his hand and Cas visibly relaxed. “His scent...I kept thinking of my dad. I mean, I don’t really remember my parents much anymore. But I remember their scents. Sam...he doesn’t smell exactly like him, but it’s so close.”

Cas frowned and chewed the inside of his cheek. “Is it possible that he’s family?”

Dean shrugged. “I don’t know. I was so young when they left, I...I mean, then, it was just me. But I guess since then...it’s...possible? I don’t know. Weird to think about.”

Cas squeezed his hand. “Would it be the worst thing, to find out he was family?”

Dean shrugged and tried to figure out how he was feeling, but he couldn’t pinpoint it. He tried to picture Sam as family, but he couldn’t wrap his head around it. “I...I don’t know. He obviously wasn’t abandoned like I was. And if my dad had any hand in raising him, he probably doesn’t think too much of a male Omega.”

“Sam has never struck me as that type,” Cas said. “He’s been here many times before, and is actually really good friends with Kevin, who’s also a male Omega.” Cas shrugged, but he bit his lip. “You know...it’s as simple as just... asking him who his parents are.”

“Yeah.” Dean let out a breath. “I know.”

Cas brushed his thumb over the back of Dean’s hand as they sat in silence.

“I love you,” Cas said finally, and Dean looked up to find those blue eyes already on him. He gave him a small smile and squeezed Cas’s hand.

“I know, Cas.”

——-

Cas left early the next morning to fetch Sam, kissing his grumpy mate and their still- sleeping pup. Once Rory woke, Dean took her down to the kitchen for breakfast and to Missouri afterwards. She wanted to give Dean a quick look over since he’d had his first heat with a knot, not to mention Cas had also been in rut. Ruts could be hard on an Omega’s body if the Alpha wasn’t careful. As it was, Cas’s rut had be hard on Dean’s body, and Cas had been extremely careful and attentive throughout.

When they stepped inside the medic cabin, Missouri was busy with someone, and she poked her head out from behind a sheet to motion to Dean to sit on a bed nearby. Rory went off to chat with her friend Alicia while Dean watched her from his seat, trying not to eavesdrop too much on Missouri and her patient and failing miserably.

“You’re about a month along now,” Missouri said, her voice muffled by the layer of curtains between her and Dean. “So you’ll probably start to really feel the pregnancy now. Mood swings, bloating, sore breasts...all that fun stuff.”

“How will we know it's healthy?” he heard Eileen ask, a hint of urgency in her tone.

“Well unfortunately we don't have an ultrasound machine, so there’s no way for me to definitively know,” Missouri replied. “But if you take care of yourself, take it easy, and get the nutrients you need, I got no reason to believe you won't have a healthy baby. Okay, sugar?”

Dean couldn't hear her response, but he heard Missouri respond to her in a soft tone, then excuse herself.

“How ya doin’ honey?”

Dean jumped when Missouri pulled back the curtain, then closed it behind her. She  immediately pulled up a chair and patted his knee, giving him a warm smile.

“I’m, um, alright,” Dean shrugged, rubbing a palm over his knee. “Little sore, but you know…”

Missouri hummed and eyed him closely. “Any discomfort other than soreness? Anything abnormal?”

Dean shook his head, fiddling with his hands.

“He take care of you afterwards?” Missouri asked sharply. “Ruttin’ Alphas can get so rough-”

“Yes, he took care of me,” Dean stammered, blushing slightly. “W-wasn’t that rough. Made sure I was comfortable before and after. It’s Cas. He’s not gonna-”

“I know, I know,” Missouri waved her hand with a sigh. “I just worry is all. Cas is a good Alpha, but even he can lose himself sometimes.”

Dean nodded slowly, thinking over the blur of memories from his heat. Yes, Cas could definitely lose himself.

Missouri stood and looked him over. “Well, you're looking good and healthy. Seems your first complete heat has been good to you.” She checked the lymph nodes in his neck and prodded gently at the mating bite, and she wordlessly grabbed a tube of ointment from her table and spread some over the punctures. She looked back and forth between Dean's face and the mating bite, her eyes finally coming to rest on his.

“You happy, baby?”

Dean blushed and smiled, looking down at his hands. “Yeah. Yeah, I am. Very happy.”

“Good.” Missouri capped the tube and set it aside, sitting back down in her chair. “Any concerns about your heat?”

Dean shrugged again, picking at his nail. He would never get used to talking about his body and its many embarrassing functions, even if Missouri made it as easy as she could. “Not really….um,” he sighed and rubbed at the back of his head. “Worried a little...you know, if I get pregnant. Know it’s a risk for every heat, but...I..I don’t wanna lose another pup.”

She took his hand, laying her other hand on top of them. “Honey, you're in very good health. Your body responded well during this heat. You're strong, nourished, and being mated is only going to help your immune system and strength. If it happens, I'm sure you'll be fine. There's no need in stressing about it. I'm gonna take care of you.”

Dean squeezed her hand, feeling the warmth and the soft skin, and sighed as he finally nodded. “Okay...okay, I won’t worry about it,” he said in what he hoped was a confident tone. “You said it was unlikely anyway, right?”

Missouri sighed and shrugged, rubbing his hand softly. “One can never really tell with these sort of things, honey. Not every heat takes. If they did we’d be poppin’ out pups left and right. And with your history, well...it’s just hard to say. If we had the technology, I could take a closer look at you, but we got to work with what we got.”

Dean nodded again and looked down at their hands. The thing was, he couldn’t even decided what he wanted. He didn’t want to be barren, but he wasn’t sure if he ever wanted to carry a pup either. He had a pup now. Carrying one was unnecessary and risky.

But the idea of having a pup with Cas- with his mate - that was a bit different, he supposed.

“Okay, darlin’. Any pain during or after?”

Dean shook his head. “No, just a little soreness, but I figured that was kind of normal.”

“Mhm, good,” Missouri said dismissively, examining his stomach. “Any tenderness? Any of this hurt?” She set about pressing on different areas of his abdomen, much like she did during his first visit to her, what seemed like forever ago now.

“No ma’am,” Dean said.

“No other concerns?”

“I don’t think so.”

Missouri pursed her lips and nodded, stripped off her gloves, and sighed as she sat back in her seat. “Cas hasn’t come to see me in a few days. He takin’ care of himself?”

Dean smiled and looked down at his hands again. “Yeah. Yeah, I think he’s okay. Seems okay. Stitches look good.”

“He can come get those out next week,” Missouri told him as she tossed her gloves into the trash. She eyed Dean and took a deep breath. “How you been doing, baby? Mentally...since all that awfulness?”

Dean blew out a breath and rubbed a thumb over the fresh scars on his wrist where Michael’s claws had dug in. He still couldn’t stand being pinned down, his arms locked with no way to move. Cas had respected that during his rut, though Dean was sure it had been difficult for him. It’s a natural position for an Alpha, almost a need, to hold his Omega down while he bred him. Dean supposed if it wasn’t for Michael he might enjoy that. Maybe one day he could enjoy it.

“I’m...okay,” Dean said softly. “Cas thinks I should try talking to Garth and I’ve decided I would. Dunno if it will help, but…” he shrugged and offered Missouri a small smile. “I don’t feel that same fear, though. Cas says it’s because I fought him off, faced him. Guess it could be true.”

“Well. It wasn’t the best of situations, that’s for sure...but facing your attacker, facing that fear...I can imagine that would be...for lack of a better word, somewhat therapeutic.” Missouri stood and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him in for a hug. “I’m proud of you, baby. And I think talking to Garth is a good idea.”

Dean closed his eyes and returned the hug, melting into her embrace. He felt a tug at his shirt and looked down to find Rory looking up at him curiously.

“You okay, mama?”

Dean pulled away from Missouri, quickly rubbing at his moist eyes, and nodded quickly. “Yeah, baby, I’m okay,” he murmured, pulling her into his lap. He nuzzled her hair while she wrapped her arms around his neck, scenting him with a small sigh.

“Ready to go?”

She nodded and wrapped her legs around him as he stood, holding her close to his chest. He thanked Missouri and they headed back out into the cold.

------

Cas closed Eileen’s door behind him and stepped down off the porch, giving a quick look around at the cabins nearby. Benny adjusted his cap on his head and fell into step next to him, heading the general direction of the cabin on the hill. It was early afternoon and the sun was still high in the sky, working to melt the snow despite the cool air. They trudged through the slush, Cas shoving his hands in his pockets and squinting up at the sky.

“Kid seemed real excited,” Benny commented, and Cas hummed in agreement. “Be a real shame to see Eileen go, though. Wish there was some way we could-”

“Benny, we’ve been through this,” Cas said exasperatedly. “I would love to be able to allow them to stay, but...I can’t risk the Omegas here. I don’t want to risk their safety or their comfortability. There are other safe camps I can send mated couples to keep the way of life here consistent.”

“With all due respect, chief, a couple more trusted Alphas here could be a good thing. Giving us a hand with the gates, protect from enemies, lighten the workload. You can’t do it all yourself, boss. You’re gonna get burnt out. And with Rory, and now having a mate again...you shouldn’t have to deal with it all on your own.”

Cas gave him a small smile. “Well that’s why I have you, Benny.”

“That wasn’t me fishin’ for a compliment.”

Cas sighed. “I just don’t know how well other Alphas here would be received. Just because I trust them doesn’t mean the others will, and that’s what matters.”

Benny looked down at his feet as they walked in silence to the bottom of the hill. Cas crossed his arms over his chest and looked up at the cabin fondly, the hint of a smile pulling at his lips that Benny didn’t miss.

“So what do you think the chances are, Sam and Dean being related?”

Cas shrugged. “I don’t know. Good as any, I suppose. I’m just not sure how to approach the situation.” He sighed. “Dean seems sure that he recognizes the scent, though. I’m worried…” Cas pulled at his bottom lip with his teeth, then looked over at Benny. “I worry about how Dean would react, if it ends up being true. The idea that his family abandoned him for being an Omega, then having another kid. It would not only make him abandoned, but replaced. Somehow I think that’s worse. Or rather, it would be for him.”

Benny scratched at his cheek and adjusted his hat with a small sigh. “I suppose that could all be true, but I don’t think Sam is like that. He can’t help what his parents did in the past, and we don’t even know if he’s in contact with them anymore. I’ve never heard him talk about them at any rate. I can’t imagine him being raised by a dad who abandoned an Omega son and turnin’ out the way he did.” He dropped his hand and shrugged. “But, either way...if he is Dean’s brother, it’s gonna be a hell of a shock for both of them.” Benny chewed on his lip curiously. “Wonder if I get some info from Eileen. If Dean recognized his scent, suppose Sam did too. He may have mentioned something to her.”

“That’s possible,” Cas nodded. “Probable, even.” He shifted on his feet, brushing a hand through his hair. “You should talk to her.”

“Mmm.” Benny stared at him. “Everythin’ else okay?”

“What? Oh. Yeah. Everything’s fine.” Cas frowned and set his jaw. “Just a little on edge, I guess. Can’t explain it.”

“Missing those midnight runs?” Benny teased, and Cas gave him a sheepish smile.

“Maybe a little. Missouri said no exceptions though, not for awhile.”

“Smart lady.”

“Yeah, well.” Cas crossed his arms over his chest and jerked his head toward the cabin. “I’ll see you, Benny. Gotta get back to my family.”

Benny smiled. “It’s good to hear you say that again.”

“It feels good to say it.” He touched Benny on the shoulder and gave him a smile, then started up the hill.

----

One week later

“Boy, if you don’t sit still -”

“Missouri, please, you’re taking so long -”

“You’re as bad as a pup, Alpha ,” she shook her head and for the hundredth time pushed  him back down on the bed. “Removin’ stitches is delicate, sugar. Now be patient.”

Cas groaned pitifully and glared when he heard Dean chuckle from the kitchen.

“Not funny, Omega,” he pouted.

“It is, kinda,” Dean said as he cut up some vegetables for lunch. “If you don’t let her do it right, you’ll end up keeping them longer. Is that something you want?”

“...no.”

Dean smiled and threw the sliced up carrot into the pot. “Then be a good Alpha and sit still.”

Cas huffed dramatically but laid still, and Missouri quickly finished removing the rest of the stitches, then wiped the area with antiseptic.

“There. Good as new.”

Cas groaned as he sat up, looking the wounds over. “I feel old.”

“You are old.” Rory looked up from her drawing and grinned smugly.

“Didn’t ask for comments from the peanut gallery,” Cas said grumpily as he got to his feet. He pulled Missouri in for a hug. “Thank you. You’re welcome to stay for dinner-”

“Oh no, honey, I got too much to do tonight. But thank you for the offer. Maybe next week.” She pulled away and patted his cheek, gave Rory a kiss on the top of her head, and crossed the room to pull Dean into a hug. Dean wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tight, taking in her warm scent before they pulled away. Missouri gave him a long look then seemed to settle on something.

“It’s all gonna be fine, honey,” she said softly, patting his cheek. Dean blinked at her confusedly, but she didn’t offer up any other words. She just smiled and left, closing the door behind her.

“What was that about?” Cas asked as he pulled out his gold box.

Dean shrugged and shook his head. “No idea. Never can tell with her.”

Cas lit his joint and took a drag, ruffling Rory’s hair as he walked over to the kitchen. He placed the joint between his lips and wrapped his arms around Dean from behind, resting his chin on his shoulder.

“Something bothering you?”

“I’m fine, Cas.”

He reached up around Dean’s body to pull the joint from his lips and put it between Dean’s, exhaling through his nose as he pressed a kiss to his neck. “Dean.”

Dean took a drag then pulled it from his lips, passing it back to Cas as he exhaled slowly. “Really, Cas, I’m fine. I don’t know what she was on about. I’m seeing Garth for the first time in forever today. Maybe that was it.”

Dean started in on the celery, cutting it up quickly before throwing it in with everything else, then turning and wrapping his arms around Cas’s waist, pulling him close.

Cas had that perpetually perplexed expression, but he pressed his lips together and opted not to keep prying. He put the joint between his teeth and lifted Dean easily onto the counter, settling between his legs and smiling at him. “You’re beautiful,” he said genuinely, ignoring Rory’s noises of disgust in the background. “Happy’s a good look on you, Omega.”

Dean couldn’t help but grin, his legs automatically wrapping around Cas’s waist. He vividly remembered them doing something like this during his heat and hastily pushed the thought away for later.

“I am happy,” he said, pulling Cas in by his shirt to kiss him languidly. “And it’s because of you, Alpha.” Dean smiled teasingly. “My handsome old man.”

Cas pulled him in for another kiss, smiling against his lips. “I don't know if anyone ever told you this, but insulting a man's age has horrible repercussions.”

Dean smirked. “Oh yeah? Like what?”

“Well, like,” Cas drew off the joint, “proving themselves… capable.”

“Mmm. In what way?” Dean smiled, taking the joint as Cas passed it to him.

“I'll leave that to your imagination,” Cas winked, running his hands from Dean’s shoulders down his arms and leaning forward to kiss him again.

“Tease,” Dean muttered against his lips then chuckled when he heard Rory clear her throat loudly.

“ Please don’t do that when I’m in the room,” she sighed, exasperated.

“Close your eyes,” Dean shot back.

“Then I can still hear you.”

“Cover your ears.”

She threw her hands up and disappeared into her room, humming very loudly as she started to draw.

“Pups,” Dean mumbled, rolling his eyes. “She gets that from you, you know.”

Cas hummed and pulled him in again by the back of his neck, deepening their kiss. He dropped his hands to Dean’s waist as Dean’s wrapped around his neck.

“You know,” Cas managed between kisses, “now that I have...these stitches out...I don’t...have to...hold back as much.”

Dean pulled away with an irritated huff and raised a brow. “Are you gonna kiss me or not?”

Cas grinned and shrugged. “I’m just sayin’, all this teasing you’ve done at my expense, and I haven’t had the opportunity to prove you wrong yet.”

Dean licked his lips and smirked, slipping a hand up and under Cas’s shirt, his fingers playing with his happy trail. “Well, it is just teasing. It’s fun getting my Alpha all flustered.”

“Fun for you .”

Dean shrugged, still smiling. “I know perfectly well, Cas, that you…” he leaned in, grazing his teeth along Cas’s bottom lip and pulling it, “are more than capable of dominating your Omega.”

Cas’s eyes widened and cleared his throat, then swallowed hard. He glanced back at Rory’s door, which was cracked, and her little voice was carrying from the other side as she talked to herself.

“You make me absolutely crazy,” Cas murmured, licking and sucking at his neck and laving his tongue over his mating bite. “Have me half out of my mind with want, all the time.”

“I would say I’m sorry,” Dean whispered, nuzzling into Cas’s neck and nibbling at his mating bite. “But I’m really not. I like that you want me so much.” His fingers itched to slip under Cas’s waistband, tracing along it teasingly. “Makes it harder on me, though...in a near constant state of slicking with you around. You’re dehydrating me, Alpha.”

Cas’s growl rumbled in his chest and he took a breath, dropping his forehead to Dean’s shoulder. He took a few more deep breaths, letting them out slowly, before lifting his head again.

“When she is asleep tonight, I’m going to make sure to show you exactly how much I want you, always” he whispered, nipping at his earlobe. “Drink lots of water.” He pulled back with a wink and took a drag off the joint, huffing a laugh as he handed it to Dean.

Dean placed it between his lips and inhaled, long and slow, then passed it back. “Now that you have your stitches out,” he said, glancing over at the pot to make sure it wasn’t boiling over. “Will you, um...shift again?”

Cas looked down at the joint between his fingers. “Eventually, yes. Maybe a couple more days. It’s just that it’s...rough on the body, sometimes, shifting back and forth.” He shrugged, looking back up, his eyes starting to redden slightly from the pot. “It’s easier to patrol the perimeter that way, though. Faster.”

Dean nodded in understanding, sliding the hand under Cas’s shirt up to ghost over his chest. “This pack is lucky to have an Alpha that can do that,” he said softly. “I heard these stories about shifter Alphas...the kind of stuff that gave Omegas nightmares. But this place is safe because of you...if you hadn’t been in your wolf form, you never would have heard that pup. Ezra is alive because of you.” He leaned forward, his legs tightening around Cas’s waist, and kissed him. “I’m very proud to be your Omega.”

“You got him to safety,” Cas pointed out. “ I’m proud that you’re my Omega.” He wrapped his arms tightly around Dean’s waist and lifted him from the counter, walking him over to the futon and depositing him gently on the cushions. He took a seat beside him and pulled his legs into his lap.

“What time is your appointment?” Cas asked, pulling up Dean’s right pant leg and rubbing his shin gently.

Dean sighed and leaned back, enjoying the attention. “In about an hour,” he mumbled. “Cas, I really don’t want-”

“You’re going,” Alpha said firmly, giving his leg a small squeeze. “I promise, it will help. Just give it a real chance this time.”

Dean huffed loudly and pouted. “What do I get for going?”

Cas grinned and pretended to consider it. “Well, I can think of a ton of things I could give you, but I fear they’re all largely self-indulgent.” He reached over to take Dean’s chin in his hand, brushing his thumb along his jaw. “What do you want?”

“A pony.”

Cas’s hand fell with a loud slap . “Dean-”

“And a lollipop.”

“Now you’re just being ridiculous-”

“And I get to call you Fluffy for a week.”

“ Absolutely not. ”

“Half a week.”

“No.”

“Okay, a day.”

“...fine.”

Dean grinned triumphantly and nudged Cas with his knee. “I’m gonna moan it during se-”

“I will push you off this couch.”

Dean laughed then yawned, settling back into the cushions of the couch. He closed his eyes, stretching his legs out over Cas’s lap.

“What are you doing?” Cas asked, rubbing his knee.

“Taking a nap.”

“Dean,” Cas pulled gently at his arm. “You have that appointment. No time to sleep.”

“But I’m so tired. ”

“You can sleep when you get back.” Cas hit his joint one more time carefully to avoid the buildup of ash on the end dropping into his lap, then he tossed it in the tray on the table. “Come on, now. Up you go.”

----

Garth smiled brightly as he swung open the door, his big ears poking out from under shaggy brown hair that fell around his face. He looked strangely professional despite having lived in a post-apocalyptic camp for several years, wearing a pair of khaki pants with a faded blue button-up tucked in, and worn loafers on his feet.

“Hiya, Dean! It’s been awhile since we’ve really talked. Seen you around but with all the hooplah it’s hard to get a word in-”

“Yeah,” Dean spoke over him, raising a brow. “I can see that’s a real problem for ya.”

Garth blinked then smiled again, gesturing for Dean to come inside. The Omega did so reluctantly and gingerly sat down while Garth bustled around to make tea. Dean took a moment to look around, since he didn’t really take in the space last time he was here. It was as bright and cheerful as you could make a cabin, with soft curtains and several stuffed animals that Dean assumed were for the children.

“I’m so happy you’re giving this another chance, Dean,” Garth said, handing him a cup of tea. “Therapy isn’t so scary. I don’t even really like using that word. We’re just friends who chit chat at scheduled times.”

He gave Dean a cheeky grin and sat down in the chair opposite of Dean, sipping at his own tea.

“Not sure I’d call us friends yet,” Dean muttered, looking down at his cup.

“True,” Garth shrugged. “But we could be.”

Dean raised a brow, but didn’t comment as he took a sip. Cas’s tea was better, but maybe he was biased.

“Anyway,” Garth waved a hand, taking another gulp of tea before setting the cup down on the table between them. “I know just as much of this situation as everyone else. You and Cas had a misunderstanding, you left, all that nastiness that ensued after. We can skip over all that. What I’m interested in is how you’re feeling, since facing the man you’ve been afraid of for so long.”

Dean frowned and set his cup down, folding his hands in his lap. “I don’t really know,” he said honestly. “Relieved, I guess. Always kinda felt he’d hunt me down again. Always lookin’ over my shoulder. Everything he did, though...it’s still there. Not afraid like I used to be, but...not really... not afraid, either.” He paused and licked his lips. “I’m comfortable with Cas, though. He doesn’t scare me. I think he thinks he might, if he lets his Alpha side out, but...he won’t.”

Garth was quiet for a moment, stroking his chin thoughtfully. “Relief is something I expected… I guess the most... obvious way to describe how you feel. But that last part, now, that’s interesting to me.” He cleared his throat and held his hands out briefly, then clasped them together in front of him. “So from what you’ve said it’s clear to me that you automatically view Alphas negatively...even hearing you say the word Alpha somtimes, it has a negative connotation. After what you’ve been through in the past, that’s understandable. And yet your wording insinuates that you’re interested in Castiel’s Alpha nature, and that same fear doesn’t seem to be there...never has seemed to be there.”

Dean shrugged. “I guess not.”

“Why do you think that is?”

Dean scoffed, glaring up at him. “Cas didn’t- he hasn’t- he wouldn’t hurt me.”

“Yes, but by that guideline, most Alphas haven’t.” Garth held up a hand when Dean opened his mouth to argue. “Before you get mad, I don’t mean that in a victim-blaming way. I’m just trying to figure out what it is about Castiel as an Alpha that made you so comfortable with him, versus other Alphas you’ve met. Let’s take...Sam, for example.”

Dean frowned and crossed his arms over his chest. “Don’t even know Sam.”

“Exactly,” Garth said with a shrug. “And yet, when you met him you almost bit his face off.”

Dean flushed and looked down at his lap. “That’s-he was-”

“From what I heard, he wasn’t doing much of anything,” Garth tilted his head. “You bumped into each other, and you had your claws and fangs out so fast, if those who were watching blinked, they would have missed it.” He held up his hand again when Dean curled his lips back. “Again, I’m not blaming you for anything. That’s actually a pretty normal reaction for someone with your history. What’s not normal is your reaction to Cas.”

Dean huffed and scrubbed at his face. “I can’t help any of that.”

“I know,” Garth said with a smile. “That’s what makes it so interesting. You didn’t know Cas when you met him, and yet from what Benny told me of that night, you weren’t nearly as aggressive.”

“He’s the pack Alpha,” Dean snapped. “I was trying not to disrespect him and get killed.”

“Yeah, you can apply that logic if you want,” Garth scratched at a cheek. “But but you bared your neck for him to scent, and I have a hard time picturing you doing that for any other strange Alpha.”

“I thought that was kind of...expected.”

“Oh, well it is. But it’s kind of expected for all Alphas you meet. But I’d venture a guess that you’ve never done that for others before.”

Dean gritted his teeth and looked away. “No.”

Garth paused for a beat. “Dean, you’ve made great progress since you’ve been here, all on your own. Facing your attacker seems to have helped in many ways, but there’s still a lot of work to do. I don’t expect you to blindly trust anyone. But you see here, now? You have a lot of anger, Dean. And at times, it’s maybe a little unwarranted. I know that comes from insecurity, and it comes from being afraid to open up. But that’s what I’d like to work on with you.” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “You have Castiel now, and I think that’s fantastic. You have Rory, which is great as well. But you need friends. I think if we can figure out how to get you out of that headspace you’re in, maybe work on allowing you to open up to more people the way you did with Castiel, everything else will fall into place.”

Dean opened his mouth to argue, then snapped it shut a few seconds later. When he really thought about it, Dean realized he didn’t really have friends. Benny was sort of one, but probably not in the way Garth was talking about. The only other pack member he really spoke to was Missouri, and she was more of a mom figure to him.

“I don’t...really know how to make friends,” he admitted, shrugging a shoulder. “Been on my own too long. Being around people, it’s...difficult. Like I get claustrophobic or something. Can’t breathe.”

“Was it ever like that with Cas?”

Dean blinked and thought for a moment. “No...not really. Cas is overwhelming, sometimes. Not because he’s pushing me for something, but just his...presence, I guess.”

“Hm. Okay...but you’ve never felt uncomfortable like you do others?”

Dean shook his head. “No. He’s easy. Relaxing.”

Garth chewed his lip. “And what about Rory?”

Dean sighed and rubbed a his neck. “Not as easy. Better now, but she was a lot at first. She just...latched on and wouldn’t let go.”

“That must have been difficult for you.”

“At first, yeah. But she's… being around her feels different than being around other pups. She… needs me.” Dean wrung his hands in his lap.

“Do you think maybe you're subconsciously filling a void with Rory, to an extent? Like maybe, her needing you makes it easier to be around her because you're providing something for her that you were deprived of?” Garth picked up his mug, holding it to his lips.

Dean frowned, teeth grazing his lip. “Like...being a mom because I never really had one?”

Garth shrugged and nodded. “Yeah, something like that. It’s difficult for you to be around pups. Anyone can see that, even if they don’t know why. But even so, you’ve stepped into the mom role for Rory. I imagine it has its tough moments, especially since that wasn’t what you came to this camp for.”

“I don’t regret being her mom,” Dean said firmly.

“No, of course not,” Garth said softly. “I’m just saying, that despite these difficulties and possible pain you must feel, you choose to be a mom to her. Almost like you want to prove to yourself that you can do what your own mom failed at.”

Dean shifted in his seat, looking down at the floor.

“If it makes you feel better, Dean, you’ve already succeeded at that.”

Dean’s head snapped up and he eyed Garth curiously. “Not so sure about that.”

Garth pointed to Dean. “And that- that’s something we’ll talk about later, too. But Rory took to you in a way I’ve never seen her do with anyone else around here- not even Charlie. So whatever the two of you have, it’s special. It’s just as much a mother/daughter bond as any of the others in this compound.” Garth crossed one leg over the other, clasping his hands over his knee. “You know, Cas brings Rory in to see me from time to time. We both thought it may be helpful for her to express her feelings in a healthy way at a young age. Feelings over being raised alone by Cas, losing her mother. It’s almost more cut and dry for her, I’ve found.”

Dean frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I mean,” Garth licked his lips, sucking his bottom lip between his teeth and letting it slide out slowly as he considered his words. “Rory only knows what she’s been told of her mother. As you know, Ysabella died only hours after Rory was born. Rory never knew her, and the only idea of her she has is what others have built in her mind. But she doesn’t have a solidified form of who Ysabella was.” He paused, watching Dean closely. “Ysabella will always be her mother. She has a solid grasp on that concept. But Ysabella is just that to her- a concept. It’s become very clear to me and to Cas, especially as of late, that for all intents and purposes, you are Rory’s mother, in her eyes. Her heart and her mind, her idea of what a mother is- she can’t differentiate between her idea of her mother and you.”

Dean shifted in his seat and wrung his hands. “I didn’t-wasn’t trying to do that-”

“ You didn’t do anything,” Garth shrugged. “Call it instinct, stubbornness, or just your winning personality, but Rory chose you and that was that. It’s all very simple for her. Cas says she even scents you like any other pup would her mom. Really, all you did was react to the situation given to you, and the rest is history.”

Dean licked his lips. “And that’s...good?”

“It’s incredible,” Garth said encouragingly. “You stepped in and fulfilled the role she was missing in her life, and in doing so, you inadvertently and unknowingly filled a role that you were deprived of as a child. In a way, you kind of helped yourself heal.”

Dean frowned and swallowed, his throat dry and sticking together. He took a small sip of tea and cleared his throat. “But Cas, he-”

“Cas is a wonderful man. He’s a wonderful Alpha, he’s a wonderful friend. But Dean,” he shook his head, “this was all you, doing what you needed to do, for Rory...but also for yourself. You did that.”

Dean pressed his lips together and rubbed his palms over his thighs. He didn’t really think he should be given that much credit. He very much felt most of his strength was drawn from Cas. That without his Alpha, he would have crumbled at the weight of it all.

“H-he helped, though,” Dean muttered. “Without him, I wouldn’t have been able to do any of this. Wouldn’t have wanted to. Cas makes me feel...strong.”

“Maybe so,” Garth conceded, “but he only aided. You did this because you are strong. You, by yourself.”

Dean huffed. “You sound like Cas.”

“Well, I’ve known him awhile now,” Garth laughed. “I suppose we’ve rubbed off on each other a bit.” He uncrossed his legs and sat forward, clasping his hands between his knees. “May I ask how you feel about being mated?”

Dean relaxed somewhat and leaned back in his chair, resting an elbow on the armrest. “Well, I...love it, actually.” He smiled and traced the pink scar on his neck. “Only scar I have that I actually wanted.”

“I would have figured you wouldn’t enjoy that part of the mating process,” Garth said, lifting his eyebrows.

Dean shrugged and let his hand drop. “It was...scary, for a split second. An automatic reaction, I think, but it quickly got...um, very good.”

Garth hummed, eyeing the mating bite on Dean’s neck. “And...you enjoy having his bite? Having another scar from an Alpha?”

Dean nodded and traced it again. “Not just...another scar, and he’s not just some Alpha. He’s Cas.”

“Because it was consensual,” Garth started slowly. “Because it means something.”

“Yes. It’s not-” Dean frowned, trying to find the words. “It’s not the same. Scars are scars, but this one...it feels like something else entirely.”

“It’s a feeling. A point in your life that defines who you are down to your core.”

Dean thought about what Cas had told him about how his scars were beautiful, the ones that marred his body, that made him hate himself for so long. He remembered how Cas told him he loved them, because they were a part of who he was.

He smiled. “Yeah. It’s part of the journey.”

“That’s a positive way to see it.” Garth sat back with his hands in his lap, giving him a warm smile.

Dean rubbed at his mating mark then slowly lowered his hand back down to his lap. He supposed it was a bit odd that he liked it so much, that he had even wanted it. Even the act itself had felt incredible, the pain morphing into pleasure. It made him tingle just thinking about it.

“Aside from the bite,” Garth said slowly. “The mating process is an intimate act. You were comfortable the sex part of it, Dean?”

Dean blushed and ducked his head, clearing his throat awkwardly. “I, um...yes.”

“Even the knotting?”

His face flushed even more. “Y-yes. Wasn’t the...the first time. We’d-done things before.”

“At your pace?”

“Yes.”

“Were you ever uncomfortable at any point in that?”

“No, I-” Dean licked his lips quickly and looked down. “I mean, it was kind of scary at times. But not because of anything Cas did, or didn’t do. It was just me...working through some things. If I said to stop, or even seemed off, Cas stopped. He never pushed me.” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I wanted to do this. I just needed time. He gave me that.”

“That’s good.” Garth rested his chin on his hand. “Any other thoughts on that, or anything else? How do you feel about...everything? All that’s happened since you’ve been here. Do you feel you’re in a better place?”

Dean stared down at his lap and nodded slowly. “I...yes, I do. I feel happy, which I’ve never really felt before. You know, before...during my heats, I didn’t care if I died. I wouldn’t even use a fake knot. But I had to convince Cas to stay with me for my last one, because I wanted to live this time. I’d say that’s a better place.”

“I have to agree.” Garth sighed and smiled kindly. “Well, Dean. I gotta say, you seem to be in a much better place than before. Just how much you’ve grown, how easily you opened up here today as compared to your last visit. You talked freely here today, and that’s a huge step for you. Again, you should be proud of yourself.”

Dean bit his lip and shrugged, looking down at his entwined hands. Garth chuckled, but thankfully didn’t say anything about Dean’s inability to take a compliment. A subject for another day, Dean was sure.

A few minutes later, Dean was leaving with another appointment scheduled for the following week. Dean agreed to see Garth once a week, because if he didn’t he was positive Cas would bicker at him until he did.

And, well...he had to admit, it hadn’t been so bad.

-----

Dean could see the faint traces of his scars in the moonlight that filtered through the window, his hands in the hair of Cas who moved above him, kissing his way down and along the marred skin. Cas’s touch was gentle, his hands soft against his skin, unhurried, unsuspecting, just exploring the canvas beneath them.

“Beautiful,” Cas whispered, pressing a kiss to the scar running across his hip bone. “ Perfect. ”

Dean squirmed and shivered when Cas traced it with his tongue. He remembered that scar very well. He had managed to get out from under Michael, but only briefly and the Alpha had dragged him back his claws locking into Dean’s hip.  It had been excruciatingly painful, but now all he could feel was soft pleasure.

He looked down just as Cas looked up, his blue eyes glowing in the darkness, hinting at that wild wolf beneath the human skin. Dean shook his head and moved his hand from Cas’s hair to cup his chin. “No,” he said softly. “You are.”

Cas crawled back up, cupping the side of Dean's face, gaze intense. “Dean. Please try to see yourself the way I see you.”

Dean swallowed hard and blinked up at him, his vision starting to blur. “Cas, I-” he reached up and wrapped his fingers around Cas’s wrist. “I can't.”

“You can.”

“No-"

“Dean.” Cas leaned back deliberately, holding his gaze as he guided himself to Dean's rim and slowly pushed inside. Dean gasped softly and arched slowly as Cas slid in easily, working his way back up his body. “Try for me.”

“Cas, please -”

“No, Dean, you can do this,” Cas sheathed himself fully, his slowly swelling knot popping past Dean’s rim and making the Omega twitch with need. Dean tried to roll his hips, to get Cas moving, but he was gently held down by a hand pressed into his stomach. Cas refused to move, despite how much he must have wanted, staring down at Dean with those intense eyes.

Dean growled and threw his head back on the pillow, baring his neck in a desperate attempt to get his Alpha going. Cas’s nostrils flared and he sucked in a breath, but otherwise didn’t take the bait.

“I-I don’t know how ,” Dean said with frustration. “I don’t see what you see.”

Cas leaned back and took Dean's hand, pressing his fingers to the newly scarred crescent on his side. “Do you think this is beautiful?”

Dean swallowed, running his fingers along the welt. “Yes.”

Cas moved the hand up and pressed it to just below his sternum, on the other new scar. “This one?”

“Yes, Cas.”

“And this one?” He moved Dean's hand to another long scar across his ribs. “Is this beautiful?”

Dean nodded, a small sob escaping.

“Why?” Cas locked their fingers over his chest, canting his hips forward slightly.

“Because,” Dean squeezed his hand, the realization finally hitting him, “they're a part of you.”

“Just as yours are,” Cas murmured, his free hand tracing down a scar that spanned the length of Dean’s thigh. “I need you to see that, Dean.”

Dean nodded and blinked back tears, his chest rising and falling with unsteady breaths. “Okay...okay, Cas.”

Cas smiled down at him and finally moved his hips, only slightly pulling out. “Say it, Dean.”

Dean groaned, once again trying to grind down, but Alpha’s hold was firm. He sagged against the bed, breathing hard, and spoke quietly. “I’m...beautiful.” He flushed a bright red, feeling stupid and embarrassed.

“That's it, Omega,” Cas said softly, letting go of his wrist in favor of grabbing his hips and sinking back in. His knot pushed past his rim as he pulled out, making Dean gasp when he immediately popped it back in, starting to thrust at a quicker pace. Dean held his thighs and blinked up at Cas, suddenly filled with overwhelming emotion for his Alpha. His cock hung untouched and leaking against his stomach, the head red and swollen. Cas's eyes glowed brilliantly and a soft growl built in his chest as he moved in and out of him, gently squeezing his waist, rubbing circles in his hip bones and running his fingertips across the scars.

Dean wrapped a thigh around Cas’s waist and pulled him closer, deeper, and moaning lowly in his throat when Cas brushed against his prostate. He always hit it just right, just enough to make Dean’s toes curl. He arched and sighed at the exquisite torture of the knot sliding in and out, the rhythm growing steadily faster with each stroke. Cas put his weight into it, moving Dean across the sheets until his head brushed up against the wall. His purr was loud and constant, rumbling in his chest to match Cas’s steady growl.

Cas's knot caught shortly after and he pushed in deep as he spilled inside him, Dean following closely behind, streaks covering his belly. Cas leaned down to kiss him through his second orgasm, sucking on the skin adorned with his mark. Dean whimpered quietly as he felt Cas fill him up, his Alpha reaching between them to splay his fingers across his belly as the knot spasmed just inside his rim.

“Oh, fuck , Dean, my sweet Omega,” Cas whispered breathlessly, eyes bright in the dark of the room, moon shining off his sweaty chest.

Dean stared up at him in awe, his body humming and clenching deliciously beneath the Alpha, milking the cock buried inside and hugging the knot tightly. “Oh, God, Cas ,” he gasped, reaching up to squeeze at Cas’s bicep, his nails digging into the skin. His cock twitched and he moaned, the last bit of cum dribbling out. “Feel so good,” he whimpered, rolling his hips to feel the knot tug on his rim.

Cas hitched Dean's leg up further around his waist and moved to lay beside him, adjusting them so the knot wasn't pulling. He cupped Dean’s cheek and pulled him in for a kiss, brushing his thumb across his jaw.

“I love you, so much,” he said hoarsely, the light fading from his eyes.

“I love you too, Cas.”

Dean tucked his head under Cas’s chin, his face pressed up against his neck so he could breathe in Cas’s scent. It was intoxicating after sex, the smell so strong and pure it left Dean lightheaded.

They lay silently like that, basking under the moonlight, hands stroking soft skin and lips pressed together in light kisses until the knot released. They hardly moved, though, tangled in each other.

“Cas,” Dean murmured, breaking the comfortable silence. “Do you...um, enjoy…” he sighed. “Do you like how...the sex is with us?”

Cas pulled back to look down at him, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Yes, Dean, of course. Do you...not-”

“No, no, I do,” Dean said quickly, fighting off the stupid blush on his cheeks. “Just meant...I dunno. Feel like you might get bored...or something. Since you can’t always do...what Alphas like to do.”

“Oh, Dean,” Cas clicked his tongue and pulled him back in for a hug, his fingers trailing through his hair. “Please don't think I'm ever unsatisfied with that aspect of us. You are perfect, and the things we do together are incredible, and I am so happy." He pulled back to take Dean by the chin, looking him in the eyes. “Dean, you make me so happy. Don't ever think otherwise.”

Dean sighed softly and nodded, letting himself be pulled into a long kiss. He wasn’t even sure how he’d come to the thought that Cas might not be totally satisfied with their current sex life, but Dean had been thinking about since his talk with Garth. He still felt very inexperienced and clumsy, though it seemed Cas didn’t mind.  Even so, an odd mood of insecurity had come over Dean and he wished it would go away.

“You make me happy too, you know,” he mumbled when they pulled apart, panting slightly. “Everything you do...makes me very happy.”

Cas frowned again, then cocked an eyebrow. “Where's this coming from? You aren't still self conscious about the mating, are you?”

“No, no, it's not really about that,” Dean said honestly. He'd been surprised at how welcoming the camp seemed to be about Cas mating again, despite the false narrative that Charlie had spread before and her subsequent apology, including helping to set the record straight. He'd never felt more accepted by them than he had since the mating, like they were actually going out of their way now to get to know him. The best part was that they actually felt genuine, and Dean was starting to understand why pack life was so coveted.

“Then what is it?” Cas asked softly, brushing some hair out of Dean's face.

Dean shook his head and leaned into Cas’s touch. “I don’t really know,” he murmured. “Garth had asked about our, um, mating...and I guess I started thinking about things. I’m just...still inexperienced with these things. And you had said there were things you wanted to do, but we haven’t done them….” He huffed and scrubbed at his face. “Forget it. Been in a weird mood all day.”

“Well, the mating process… it changes you, down to a cellular level. Hormones fluctuate. That's normal.” Cas took his hand, threading their fingers together and holding them to his chest. “But we have forever, Omega. No need to rush into anything now. We can do all those things and more, in time. I'm perfectly happy with everything about us.”

Dean hummed thoughtfully, but Cas was probably right. He’d know more about what mating does than Dean. “Okay, Cas.” He sighed and closed his eyes, pressing closer to his Alpha. He listened to Cas’s steady breathing, his deep and rumbling purr, and eventually drifted off to sleep.

----

Dean woke with a start an indeterminate amount of time later, his stomach lurching. He sat straight up in bed and threw his legs over the side, too determined to get to the bathroom quickly to worry about trying not to disturb Cas, who'd had him wrapped in a tight embrace.

He heard the springs of the mattress squeaking as Cas followed closely behind, and he dropped to his knees just in time to dispel all of the contents in his stomach into the toilet bowl.

“Dean?” Cas asked, concern lacing his tone. He walked into the bathroom and cracked the door behind him, leaning down to rub him gently on the back and letting out a relieved breath. “Hey, you okay?”

Dean opened his mouth to say something, but he only managed to gag and heave into the toilet. He gasped, clutching the sides, until the waves of nausea subsided.

“Damn it,” he groaned, moving to leaning back against the wall. “What the hell…” Dean accepted the damp washrag from Cas and wiped off his mouth, watching Cas as he flushed the toilet.

“Are you okay?” Cas asked again.

Dean shrugged and wiped some sweat off his brow. “I dunno. Came out of nowhere.”

“You've been spending a lot of time in and out of the medic cabin, and this time of year there's a lot of viruses going around....” Cas looked him over curiously and bit his lip. “Maybe you picked up something.”

“ Ugh ,” Dean made a face and folded over the washrag, pressing it to his mouth again. “Maybe. I don’t know.”

“You got sick after that stew you made the other night too,” Cas said slowly. “Could be something was bad in there...or something.”

“Then why aren’t you and Rory sick?” Dean grumbled, the back of his head thinking against the wall. “Maybe the heat messed me up. The last one she had me on meds to...flush things out. Maybe that’s got something to do with it.” He shook his head and sighed. “Seems to be gone now. I feel okay.”

Cas swallowed and stood, taking Dean's hand and helping him to his feet. “Maybe we should have Missouri look you over, just to be safe.”

Dean waved him off. “I'll pop in sometime today and see her if it'll make you feel better. Right now I just want to sleep.”

“Dean-"

“Cas, I'm exhausted. Okay?” He ruffled his own hair irritably. “Please, just… let's deal with it in the morning.”

Cas pressed his lips together but nodded, following closely behind Dean as he got back in bed.

Dean fell back onto his pillow with a tired sigh and pressed up against Cas when the Alpha wrapped his arms around him. Dean closed his eyes, intent on sleeping, but even after Cas’s breathing evened out and his soft snores tickled Dean’s ear, the Omega laid wide awake.

-----

Dean woke groggily after only a few hours of sleep to soft kisses at the back of his neck, strong arms hugging his waist. He buried his face into the pillow to go back to sleep, but Cas clicked his tongue and nudged Dean’s shoulder.

“No, no,” Cas said gently. “You have to watch Rory this morning. I have to leave the camp for a few hours with some of the Betas to see about that Alpha camp.”

Dean groaned when Cas gently rolled him onto his back, smiling down at the Omega’s grumpy face.

“I promise to make it up to you when I get back,” Cas promised, kissing his nose before climbing over Dean and off the bed. Dean rubbed at his eyes as Cas stretched, popping a few joints and scrounging around for clothes.

He was pulling on pants when Rory bounded in, throwing herself onto their bed. She pulled herself into a sitting position and bounced in her seat, smiling up at Dean.

“Good mornin’, mama,” she said brightly.

“Mornin’, kiddo,” Dean responded, throwing on a shirt and kissing her forehead, then ruffling her hair. “Cas,” he said as he turned to the kitchen, watching Cas making coffee, “why do you have to be the one to go today? Can’t you just have Benny and-”

“Dean, I have to be the one to go,” Cas shook his head, evidently not having changed his mind despite all the times they’d discussed it before. “All the Alpha camps around here I’ve pulled from before, and those guys were either operating within one of them or they came from much further away. But unfortunately, since they were out in that storm, I would guess they were close by.” He sighed and turned around, crossing his arms over his chest. “Look, I want to be able to stay here with you guys. But what happened...that’s my mess. I let these guys slip by me and that’s on me. I have to go.”

Dean rubbed his own arm nervously. “How long do you think you’ll be gone?”

Cas dropped his arms and crossed over to him, wrapping his arms around his waist and scenting his neck. “I don’t know. Hopefully no more than a day or so.”

Dean tried to scent at Cas’s neck, but even Alpha’s smell couldn’t calm the anxiety he couldn’t seem to shake off. Dean told himself it was because this was going to be the first time Cas would be away for more than a few hours, and that he was potentially walking into a dangerous situation.

“I don’t want you to leave,” Dean said quietly.

Cas sighed and rubbed at his back. “I know, Omega, but...it’s part of my job. I’m the Alpha, I have to-”

“I know,” Dean huffed and pulled away.

“Baby, I’ll be back before you know it, okay?” Cas held his face and brushed his thumbs over his cheeks, giving him a nod. “Everything is going to be fine. You go see Missouri, you and Rory spend some time together, and you relax and try to feel better. You don’t even have to worry about meals or anything- I’ve got Missouri bringing them to you.”

Dean looked at him and finally nodded. “Okay. Thank you. I’ll just...miss you, is all. Can’t imagine you not here with me.”

“I know. I’ll be back as soon as possible.”

“Be so cold and lonely, without my big strong Alpha in the bed with me-”

“I’ll use hyper speed.”

“-keeping me warm at night, making me feel good-”

“That’s it. I’m not going.”

Dean laughed and leaned forward, pressing their lips together. “No, you’re right. I get it, it’s part of your job. That doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

Cas smiled and kissed him again, then motioned over his shoulder to Rory. “C’mere and give me a hug, sweetheart. I’m leaving.”

The pup ran over and hugged his legs, giggling when he bent down to kiss the top of her head. “Be good for your mom,” Cas told her. “Don’t run him ragged like you do your papa.”

Rory rolled her eyes at him. “I’m always good, papa.”

“Mhmm,” Cas smiled at her then straightened. He couldn’t help giving Dean one more kiss before he pulled on his boots and jacket. He waved goodbye to them and disappeared out the door. Rory went back to her coloring, but Dean stared at the door for a long while, wondering if the feeling of uneasiness was his instincts trying to warn him of something.

------

They spent the better part of the morning in the cabin, reading Harry Potter and coloring. It was starting to get warm outside and the snow was beginning to melt, so the ground was slushy and muddy and Dean had no desire to go out in it, much less have to clean Rory up after she was out in it. Thankfully, Rory seemed more than content to lay around the cabin.

Dean’s sickness had since subsided, but he’d promised Cas to go see Missouri, and he was sure Cas had made sure to let Missouri know to be expecting him on his way out of the compound. If he didn’t go down there himself, she would come to him.

“Hey Rory, would you wanna go spend an hour or so with the Banes’?” Dean asked her shortly after lunch time, where they’d eaten leftovers from the night before. “I have some stuff to take care of and it’d probably bore you, anyway.”

Rory shrugged. “Okay. What do you have to do, mama?”

“It’s no big deal, I just have to check in with Missouri,” Dean said nonchalantly, handing Rory his red crayon and picking up a yellow one to color in his rendition of the sun. “It shouldn’t take me long.”

“Papa said you were sick.” Rory colored in some grass, then looked up at him curiously. “Do you feel bad?”

“I was just a little sick, but I think I’m fine now,” Dean said easily.

“Max had the flu a couple of weeks ago,” Rory said, going back to her drawing. “Maybe you caught it from him.”

“Maybe.”

They finished their drawings, Rory placing them proudly on her wall, then quickly dressed to go outside. Dean took his time dropping her off, taking the long way around the camp and stopping to throw a few sludge balls at the pup, all the while telling himself he wasn’t stalling. He just didn’t like parting with his pup.

“Be good,” he told her, kissing her cheek.

“Okay, mama,” she smiled, hugging him tightly.

Dean sighed and stuffed his hands in his pockets, slowly turning to trudge towards the medic cabin.

-----

Dean picked Rory up almost two hours later and picked up a few snacks from the kitchen. He’d considered going to speak to Sam after meeting with Missouri, but he deemed that a talk for another day, and they instead retreated back up to the cabin. It was so large and empty without Cas. Dean spent the rest of the night in a daze, busying himself with Rory and reading to distract himself from the fact that his first whole night without Cas since their mating was creeping up on him. He didn’t want to go to bed alone, especially not knowing how long it would be until Cas returned. Even with Rory occupying the same space as him, he felt utterly alone.

He put Rory to bed a few hours after sundown, when her little hand began to cramp from drawing and she kept yawning, despite her claim that she wasn’t at all tired. He sat on the edge of her bed and talked to her until she fell asleep, strings of wavy red hair flopped into her face, her mouth open slightly as she snored softly.

Dean watched her sleep for a long time, stroking her hair and listening to an owl hoot just outside the window. He was stiff from sitting so still when he finally moved, kissing her forehead then quietly slipping out. He shut her door softly and turned, staring at the bed that looked too big for just him. He was exhausted, but knew he wouldn’t sleep.

Instead, Dean silently walked into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. He placed his hands on the sink, knuckles turning white as he gripped the edge. He closed his eyes, breathing in and out slowly, carefully.

He swallowed and opened his eyes, staring at the mirror and almost didn’t recognize who he saw. He was healthy, eyes clear, albeit troubled. No protruding bones, sunken cheeks, or sickly pale skin. Life in the camp, among the pack, had done him a world of good. He had a family now, a strong Alpha and an amazing pup. Compared to just a few months ago, his life had taken a dramatic turn for the better.

None of this, however, stopped the steady trembling of his hands. The shortness of his breath, the rapid beating of his heart. The weakness of his knees that had him slowly sinking to the floor as he gasped for air.

Dean clutched at his stomach and squeezed his eyes shut. He felt no pain there, had never been healthier in his entire life, and yet had never been more scared.

Missouri’s motherly voice echoed in his head and a sob escaped before he could clamp a hand over his mouth, tears sliding silently down his cheeks.

“Don’t worry, baby, I’m gonna take care of you,” she’d said. “ Both of you."