Chapter Text
“Keith, I’m a huge supporter of post-heat slumps, but it has been two days since you got back and I need details, my man,” Lance said. “Spill.”
Keith sighed as he poured himself a bowl of cereal. He really had put this off as long as he could. He joined his roommates at the table.
“I got sick a few times, but it wasn’t bad, and he was insanely attentive and nice. He even made a nest,” Keith said, hoping to distract Lance from his more pointed questions.
“Aww, that’s so sweet,” Hunk said. “That’s like, not Alpha behavior, right? But you weren’t there to make your own nest, so he did it for you.”
“Yes but the sex,” Lance persisted.
So much for that distraction.
“Dude,” Hunk said, smacking Lance on the arm and making him yelp.
“It was world-shattering and none of your business,” Keith replied. “Also, his work made us sign a nondisclosure agreement, so I legally can’t tell you more.”
Thanks for the save, HR!
“I’m sure there was a clause in there about best friend privileges,” Lance scoffed.
“I promise you there was not,” Keith smiled.
“Keith, my dude, sometimes in life you’ve got to read between the lines,” Lance said sagely, chewing with his mouth open. “Anyway, you at least need to tell me what happened with the surprise I packed for you. I believe some trust may have been breached.”
“Oh god, please don’t talk about this when I’m here,” Hunk shuddered. “And Lance, take responsibly for your actions. You gave him your toys and told him to ‘get some’. Deal with the consequences.”
Keith groaned. “For the last time Lance, I didn’t use your stupid toys.”
“And yet you haven’t returned them,” Lance sniffed.
Keith hadn’t unpacked yet and it had absolutely nothing to do with the lingering hints of Alpha scent on his duffel. Absolutely. Nothing.
Keith shoved his chair back and went to his room to fetch the toys. He dumped them on Lance’s lap as Hunk protested that this really shouldn’t be done while people who were bothering no one were trying to eat, in peace, at the kitchen table, which was a scared place.
“Seriously dude, why would I want your shitty dildos when I had actual Alpha cock available?” Keith said, shaking his head as he sat back down.
“Hurtful.” Lance cradled one of the toys. “Don't listen to him, Betty, you're perfect.”
“Anyway,” Hunk said meaningfully, “how’re you doing, buddy? I know your post-heat slumps are terrible, but you seem down not…sick.”
Damn the sweet, thoughtful Beta and his observational skills.
“I misread things,” Keith said with a hard edge to his voice which clearly said I Am Not Going To Talk About This.
“That sucks, dude,” Hunk said, patting his shoulder.
“Have you told your mom?” Lance asked, sitting up a bit straighter. “Because you might want to warn Shiro to go into hiding.”
(Not a bad consideration, actually.)
“Just texted her a few things. I told her I’d call today.”
“Good luck, bro,” Lance said solemnly. “You let us know if you need anything.”
“Don’t you people have midterms or something today?” Keith said. “Stop being nice and get out of here.”
“Noooo, don’t make me go,” Lance wailed dramatically, but he nonetheless left with Hunk a few minutes later.
Having put it off for as long as possible, Keith had to admit defeat and after cleaning the kitchen (totally not because he was stalling) he sat on his bed and called his mother.
“Hi, Mom,” he said, stretching out.
“Hi, sweetheart! How are you feeling?” Krolia’s cheerful voice came through the phone.
“Healthy, I guess. Definitely the best heat I’ve had by a mile. I’m going to see Dr. Allura today to get cleared to go back to campus. Just in time to have missed all midterms,” he added ruefully. “So, that’ll be fun to do over spring break.”
“And how are you feeling?” she pressed, because she was a mom and there was no way around this conversation.
“Pretty grossed out, because you’re going to have to take Lance on a date. With Dad.”
“Oh, sweetie, what happened? What went wrong?”
“Why do you think something went wrong, Mom?” Keith asked, suddenly very tired. “He didn’t ask me out. That’s all there is to it.”
“Keith...,” Krolia said, sounding very unconvinced.
“It's fine, Mom. He didn't ask me out—that's it. He didn't ask me to stay. He called me a perfect Omega and said he was my Alpha and he didn't ask me to stay.” Was he crying? Fuck. “And it's my fault because I bit him and he thinks it was his fault for not stopping me and that he failed me but he didn't, Mom, it was all me and I told him that and he didn't believe me.”
“Oh honey,” Krolia said gently. “Tell me, what happened after you bit him?”
“I hid in the bathroom and threw up for half an hour straight,” Keith grimaced.
“Sweetheart, of course he didn't believe you. It was still during your heat and you were distressed. He wasn't in any state to be rational then. Tell him again. Not now—I think you two both need a few more days to calm your hormones down—but tell him again.”
“Mom, he was crying. He was begging me not leave him and said he would do better but it was my fault. I don't think...I don't think he's going to see that, ever,” Keith said, angrily smearing a tear from his eye.
“Then I'll tell him,” Krolia said simply.
“Mom, please do not kill the nice Alpha who gave me the best heat of my life. Please? Also, why did you think it was okay for me to bite him?! That was terrible advice!”
“If you did try to bite, the only two options were to stop you or let you. I didn't think you'd be able to handle an outright rejection of an attempted bite during your first shared heat. You know, I thought Shiro-chan was being overly cautious when he asked me about it, but it turns he was right to worry,” Krolia mused. “I'm glad.”
“Okay, please stop calling him 'Shiro-chan'. And also, why are you glad?!” Keith said with exasperation.
“Because it means you felt safe. You had an Alpha you trusted and wanted. That's why you tried to bite him, sweetheart. Listen, bodies and hormones are crazy, but there's a few things they don't lie about. You might have gotten all giggly-smitten with an Alpha crush from a heat, but you wouldn't have felt safe with him if you weren't actually taken care of,” Krolia said. “That’s what happens in a good heat. You tried to bite him because he succeeded, and now he's miserable because he didn't know what success looks like.”
“Mom, I think you're reading too much into this,” Keith protested.
“No I'm not, honey. I watch the news,” Krolia replied, a smile in her voice. “Your Alpha looks like shit.”
“Please don't call him my Alpha,” Keith sighed. There was too much for Keith to think about and process, but he knew one thing: his mother hadn't decided to try and fix things herself yet, which meant things probably weren't as bad as he thought (and she was still calling him Shiro-chan, which meant she wasn’t actively planning to kill him). “Look, I have an appointment with Dr. Allura that I need to get ready for. I'll think about what you said and I'll call you again later, okay? Say hi to Dad and everyone.”
“I will, sweetie. Have a good day.”
~*~*~
Dr. Allura cleared Keith to return to campus and he spent the next several days making up his midterm requirements for his classes. Hunk and Lance had both left for vacation and while he missed their cheerful banter, he was also grateful for a little bit of quiet. You know, the kind that was perfect for overthinking every single aspect of everything and left you no closer to a decision. That kind. It wasn't until Keith's second visit to Dr. Allura that he realized this situation had a time limit on it—he needed to go back on suppressants in the next few days.
“I must say, I'm so grateful to you both for all the information you've been willing to share,” Dr. Allura smiled. “It's been immensely helpful and I believe we'll be able to put a lot of it to use very soon.”
“That's good to hear,” Keith said. Considering all the kindhearted doctor had done for him, he was thrilled to hear he'd helped out. Well, “thrilled” was a stretch. He was a wee bit too preoccupied to summon actual emotion at the moment. But he was happy for her. Ish.
“It's been a long road and we've still got a long way to go, but we're learning more everyday,” she encouraged. “We are all in this together.”
“We?” he asked.
“You, me, the whole team, the donors, everyone,” Dr. Allura said.
Right. Not specifically Shiro. He cleared his throat.
“Did Shiro come by for a, um, post-heat interview?” he asked.
“Oh no, he's quite busy. We conducted his interview over the phone. Why do you ask?” Dr. Allura said, tilting her head. “There's not much I can share with you—privacy laws—but is there something specific you need to know?”
Keith scratched at the back of his neck. “Nah, just wanted to make sure he was okay. He didn't look good on the news.” Not that he had been watching every single day or anything.
Dr. Allura smiled gently. Keith cringed. Time to give sympathy to the silly little Omega who fell in love with his first heat partner because hormones are awesome.
“I think you need to speak with him. There's something I believe he needs to share with you and I see that he has ignored my advice. Here, I'm giving you your prescription for your next round of supplements, but before you take them, go talk to Mr. Shirogane, okay?” she said, handing him a sheet of script paper covered with indiscernible doctor handwriting.
“Okay, um thanks. The pharmacy will be able to read this, right?” he said.
Dr. Allura chuckled. “Good luck to you, Keith.”
He was fairly certain she meant with Shiro but found it a bit ominous considering what he'd just asked her. He stuffed the script in his pocket. It wasn’t like he was going to fill it today anyway. He had other plans.
~*~*~
It would be a waste of money not to actually go knock on the door. Ubers weren’t cheap (or maybe Keith was just poor). He could have just called. Texted, emailed, sent a carrier pigeon. But talking face to face is the proper thing to do for important discussions, right? And if Keith was craving a whiff of the Alpha like a dying man in a desert craved water, well that was just added incentive. All of these thoughts and yet here he was, still standing on the sidewalk like an absolute moron.
Okay, pep talk. Don’t be nervous—you’ve both already seen each other naked and had rampant amounts of sex, so obviously there’s base level attraction. You’re just showing your naked heart instead of your body, right? Right. Your naked, fragile heart that is pounding like crazy and just wants you to run the fuck away already, thank you. But he’s a nice guy. The worst that will happen is he turns you down. Oh god. But he’ll be nice about it. Oh god oh god but he already turned you down nicely didn’t he that’s what it meant when he dumped your stupid ass self on your doorstop and left. Fuck fuck fuck go be a man and knock on the door. Be. A. Man. AndgoknockonthedoorforfuckssakeomgjustKNOCKALREADY.
(Okay, that was probably too hard.)
Keith heard movement and the sound of Shiro’s perfect laughter as someone walked to the door. The door swung up to reveal not Shiro but a smiling Omega with scruffy hair and dancing eyes.
“Hello there. I didn’t order anything but it looks like you still delivered just fine,” the Omega said, leaning in the doorway and sounding for all the world like Lance.
“Oh, um. Is Shiro here?” Keith asked hesitantly.
“He is out of his mind,” the Omega grinned, “or he’s about to be. Yo lover boy,” he called over his shoulder. “Get your fine ass up here and see what destiny has brought you.”
Shiro scrambled to the door and stepped around the Omega. “Keith,” he said breathlessly.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have just dropped by,” Keith said. “I kinda wasn’t thinking.” At all. Or ever.
“It’s fine, really,” Shiro stressed. “What did you need?”
“No, no, sorry. I should have called first,” Keith mumbled. Of course Shiro had company. A healthy, attractive Omega of appropriate age. Who had made him laugh. Fuck. “I wanted to borrow the next season of, um, that series.” You know—the one we watched in bed together, naked, in between rounds of sex so passionate that I can’t even remember the name of the damn show.
“Actually, why don’t you two just watch it now,” the Omega piped up, peaking around Shiro’s shoulder. “I was just leaving.”
“You were?” Shiro asked, baffled.
Shiro’s guest pushed past him. “Hi!” he said, sticking out his hand. “I’m Matt! I’m this dumb idiot’s friend and I only like women. You should ask this big lug what’s the story with his baggy eyes—it’s a good one! I have a whole bunch of really important things that I need to do. Bye now!”
“Um, it was nice to meet you,” Keith called out after him. The Omega waved without turning around.
“So, would you like to come in…?” Shiro asked awkwardly.
No, I’d like to run and hide under a rock. Forever. But damn you smell good…
Keith followed Shiro back to the living room and they sat down. Shiro looked so damn good. Keith want to press into him, suck along his neck and then capture his lips as he ground down and keep it together, Keith. Also, Shiro looked terrible. Make up at the studio must have helped a lot because he didn’t look this bad on the news. In person, his eyes were sunken and hollow and his skin was too pale.
“So, what’s the story behind your baggy eyes?” Keith said, hoping he sounded easy-going and natural. In truth, he was dripping with concern but didn’t want to alarm the Alpha with the force of his feelings.
“Just not sleeping well,” Shiro said, looking sheepish.
Keith raised an eyebrow. “Boring story.”
“Alpha instincts post-heat,” Shiro said. He sounded pained and looked away. “Since I’m sleeping alone, I keep waking up to look for my partner.”
“Oh fuck, Shiro, I’m so sorry. Is it because I bit you?”
“No,” Shiro chuckled dryly. “Don’t worry. It’s not your fault. I thought this might happen.”
Keith’s stomach churned. On top of all the many, many other things Shiro had been prepared to give him, Shiro had been willing to endure whatever nightmare the post-heat would leave him with. He had caused this man nothing but trouble from the start.
Keith swallowed hard and looked away so Shiro wouldn’t see the tears the threatening to gather in his eyes. His gaze fell on the framed poster.
“So, was Matt the one who gave you that?” he asked, gesturing to the poster.
“Oh! I was going to get you the series,” Shiro said, springing up. “And yes he was.”
“Shiro, sit down. It’s fine. That was an excuse,” Keith said. “I came here to ask you something.”
Shiro sat back down and clasped his hands together. Keith could see his knuckles whiten. There was no way he didn’t know what Keith was going to ask about.
“Listen,” Keith said, licking his suddenly-too-dry lips, “there's just one thing I need to know: if I hadn't bitten you, would that have changed anything between us?”
A complicated emotion passed over Shiro’s face. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, if I hadn't bitten you...if you hadn't 'failed' the heat...would you have asked me out?” Keith said. His heart was so loud in his ears he almost missed Shiro’s answer.
Pain spread across the Alpha’s face. “….no,” he said finally.
Fuck.
“Oh. Um, okay. I…I really misread the situation. I’m still grateful for everything. Sorry for disrupting your evening,” Keith said as he rose shakily from his seat.
“Keith wait,” Shiro said desperately. “It’s not like that. I am attracted to you. I am really, really attracted to you in so many ways, but it’s just not something I can act on. I can't. I’m sorry.”
“I don’t understand, but…it’s okay, Shiro,” he said gently. “And you don’t owe me an explanation. Thank you for everything. Really.” He turned to leave.
“Could I give you one anyway?” Shiro said. He looked sick and utterly lost and it broke Keith’s heart.
Keith sat back down immediately and Shiro sighed in relief.
“Keith, you biting me…it wasn’t my first mistake. I…I had a bad rut, too. If I thought that I could safely be with you, I would ask you out in a heartbeat. No, more than that—I would ask to be your mate. But that’s not something I can do. You deserve so much better. You need better than me. I’m sorry, Keith,” Shiro said. He was definitely fighting tears.
A bad rut? That scared Keith. But, if Shiro’s rut mistake was anything like his heat “mistake”, it was nothing they couldn’t handle together.
“Shiro, I don’t know what happened during your rut, but at least for my heat it wasn't your fault. And maybe it wasn't mine either. It happened. We can't undo that. But, the reason why it happened was a good thing. It happened because I was so safe and loved and taken care of that I wanted to make you mine. I wanted to stay. It happened because you passed the test, Shiro. I wanted to stay.”
Shiro was now definitely crying. Keith moved from his couch to Shiro’s and placed a hand on the Alpha’s knee.
“Is it not worth it to try?” he said quietly.
“It's not worth it to hurt you,” Shiro whispered.
“Do you remember what you told me about how you felt needy and possessive about me? You said it was unbearable to think of anyone else helping me with my heat. You said the other Alphas were unworthy to help me. Do you still feel that way? Because I need to go back on suppressants soon, and...they’ll be from someone else. Shiro, I don't want anyone but you. Is it really not worth it to try? Because I want to. You’re an amazing man. Please, Shiro. Can we try?” Keith asked. He knew he was gripping Shiro’s knee too hard but the point of contact was all that was keeping him grounded—like an anchor in a storm.
“I’m not as selfless as you think, Keith. I have to donate. My scent glands produce too much oil.”
“Shiro, you’re a giving, generous man. I know you are. And it doesn’t matter why you donate—you’ve helped dozens of Omegas live more normal lives. Tell me—is this something we can work on together, or should I leave? Because I don't need you to be perfect. I just need you to be you.”
(And I think you're perfect.)
At that, Shiro flung his arms around Keith pulled him into a crushing embrace, his sob muffled against Keith’s shoulder.
“Oh god, Keith, please don’t leave,” he begged. “I’ll do better. I’ll be better.”
“I don’t need that; I just need you,” Keith promised, clinging to Shiro and kissing his hair until Shiro lifted his face and Keith could finally take his lips. “We’ll work on it. We’ll work on everything. Together.”
“Together,” Shiro agreed, kissing back for all he was worth. “Together.”
Neither man slept much that night, and they couldn't have been happier about it.