Chapter Text
Stuart looked over his friends and his familiar mess otherwise known as the back of the store. The area for customers was usually neat and tidy save for the occasional store gathering or party. Just behind a door, Stuart's storage area was quite the opposite. Stuart had a long face and he shrugged. Raj and Howard were pointed out various items and boxes in the room. Instead of motivating Stuart to sell more, the orders almost overwhelmed him.
"Would you like help organizing everything, Stuart?" Raj asked.
"Nah, at least not right now. I have things to do, things on my mind."
"Like what?" Howard asked.
"Well, besides the store, why you two are here in the first place."
"Oh yeah. Right..."
"Over here, in this spot, is where you know who is."
"That's my uncle, not Voldemort! Come on Stuart..."
"Can you be more discrete? Anyways we aren't alone in here."
Raj started to look irate. "What do you mean we aren't alone in here?"
"Back there...", Stuart motioned, "I kinda have a girl over. She's asleep right now."
"Good for you Stuart!" Howard stated proudly.
"Are you freaking kidding me?" Raj said in a shocked way. "Now of all times?"
"Yeah that is not cool Stuart. Bros before hos man!" Howard added.
"I'm not having this conversation right now..." Stuart replied.
"Just tell us why."
Stuart looked up and down, gritting his teeth a little and pacing slightly where he was standing. He wiped his brow and struggled with an answer. Stuart breathed fast and laboriously, and just managed to say, "Sex."
Howard gave a knowing look to Raj. "Damn, he got us there."
"No he doesn't. This is an incredible betrayal. Until everything is resolved, you should give your libido a rest." Raj frowned a little and gave Stuart a stinkeye.
Stuart steeled himself to form a reply, leaning against the wall in the cluttered mess that was the backroom. "There are many reasons why you two are way off, but the biggest one is to say it simply, she wouldn't give a damn, which you know for us now is an advantage."
"You don't know that."
"Well I'm pretty sure. Anyways, moving on, let's see how this guy is doing." Stuart opened the box a little and moved the big contents around. He found the zipper and pulled it down the zipper line. The three guys were able to see the rotting head and whatever else was left from the disintegrating, fat dead body.
"Yuck. Still disgusting." Howard said.
"You are revolting and the sooner you are gone the better, horrible pig." Raj let out emphatically to the dead man.
Howard winced. "Stuart, buddy, zip that up." Everyone took uncomfortable sniffs of the air and stood around awkwardly, since there was hardly any space to move or have adequate distance from one person to another.
"You got it." He replied. "So um I have great news about 'my new car' that I have to make disappear. Wil Wheaton and I are going to some hole in the wall to get rid of it. Hopefully wherever it goes it will be far from here or taken apart beyond recognition."
"Cool." Raj said. Howard nodded approvingly.
"Also Wil has been exceptionally flexible with his scheduling and so very soon we should open our calendars and prepare for boating. Any questions?" Howard shook his head.
"What boat are we going to travel on?" Raj asked.
"I don't know, but it's not too large or some fancy yacht. Wil easily secured us this boat for a few days."
"Did he rent it?"
"No. He called in a favor from someone and convinced whoever it was this was the best and easiest way to call it even."
"Nice."
"Last order of business to get everything on the boat should be about as simple as it gets." Stuart pat down the box and closed up bodybag. "I suggest this big blubbery thing maybe gets cut down to size into pieces. Easier, less suspicious packing and moving onto the boat. The dimensions will be better than some big awful rectangular shape that looks like a body!"
"As an engineer the reasoning is sound but as far as doing that I'm not for it. But I won't stop anyone else." Howard looked up and bit his lip a little bit.
"That is a great idea but we should do that later." Raj stated. "You know...."
An unknown voice softly whispered to them loud enough to be heard. "Boo."
"Ahhhhhh!! Oh no!" Howard, startled, grabbed onto Raj. Raj wrapped his arm around Howard also.
"Geez that is so terrifying. She's so tiny." Raj said.
A short girl with black hair stood before them. She pointed and laughed at Stuart's friends. She smiled and said, "Stuart, come back to bed."
"Coming!" He said.
"We should probably go." Howard said to Raj. The two guys left Stuart to whatever he was doing.
The night was still young, and a bright full moon shone on the street. Stuart's business was close by other businesses that closed at night, so not much was going on around them.
"She seems nice, and Stuart's type, for what it's worth." Howard pointed out, and Raj took the point in stride.
"Where's the cynical, thoughtful Howard I have come to know?"
"I'm happy for Stuart."
"This might be pessimistic, but we could be in for one huge blackmail. This can't end well."
"Alright so she knows, but big deal. She acted like nothing was going on."
"Precisely! She is oblivious or she is plotting against Stuart and by extension us."
"She could be oblivious, or dumb."
"I am just saying we should only care about us and no one else. This is hard to say, but we can't trust anyone else, and we should have as little to do with anyone else as possible."
"I know what you are saying but Stuart and Wil Wheaton are helping us. Once this is done we will go our own way."
"We're doing this because we are a couple which is in love. Nothing should stand in our way."
"I completely agree. Now come here." Howard kissed Raj with a burning passion. Their arms were enmeshed and moving around the couple. Howard and Raj were not as close up to this point. Both mens jocks strained against the front of their respective jeans.
"I want you." Raj stated simply.
"I have to have you, Rajesh Ramayan Koothrappali, and in the worst possible way! I cannot wait any longer. My balls cannot turn blue!"
"Don't worry, Howard. They won't. Let's get out of here."