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The first time I asked Mel's help to rescue Con, I didn't tell him, exactly.
I was working on a... working, a structure, let's call it a magical solar panel, that would effectively super-charge me, because I had a window of a day and a night to call him back from somewhere terrible, and I needed every advantage I could get.
But already, of course, he knew that there was something I wasn't telling him. I did try, just a little, to push back the mystery - the mystery over my life, and so, I realised, our relationship, that was spreading slowly outward, like a bad spot over by the lake.
"This is for a friend," I said.
Mel nodded, passing me the duct tape, and that was all.
*
The first time I asked Con's help to save Mel, I didn't tell him either, in words such as This is my boyfriend you're saving. But it wasn't hard to turn it into something that would carry weight with his that-which-binds, because Mel, spurred by things I didn't want to think about, had tangled with a group of demons - Jarla demons, almost never the good kind, who had links to the goddess of pain and, as it turned out, also had links to one of Con's enemies.
We left none of them behind us. It was quite a spectacular showdown. The moment Mel and I were out of the building, Constantine was gone, and when Mel looked over at me, it felt like he was forcing himself not to look where Con had gone.
*
It didn't stop at first times.
I should have known I would accumulate enemies. I did know, and yet, I hadn't thought it would get so real and dangerous so fast. I was a flame drawing moths. I had once thought I could go back to my normal life. Actually - despite everything, I still hoped for that.
How do people go on, without hoping for that?
I accumulated enemies, and somehow, I didn't lose friends.
I felt like a winch, drawing in chains, with every confession I made to Mel or to Con (or to Charlie or to Aimil) about my life. Increasing the tension. Bringing them closer to me, and as well as a winch and a flame and a solar battery I was a danger.
But they didn't push back. They didn't flinch. They only knew, in ways that made me flinch.
A conversation was coming, between me and Con and Mel - necessary, but I could only wonder if there would be anything left to say in it that had not already been silently spoken.