Chapter Text
The night was quiet in Stohess District. The recovery effort in the areas most affected by destruction had slowed over the last several hours, the only remaining search-and-rescue officers sifting morosely through the rubble of the cathedral and demolished apartments. The fires were all long since extinguished; the screams silenced. Now only an empty stillness echoed throughout the residential area as you walked, the absence of the usual hustle and bustle serving as a grim reminder of the nightmare that had occurred earlier that day.
Dozens. There had been dozens of confirmed casualties, and many more still unaccounted for, and Annie had been apprehended, yet unable to be reached.
Annie. Your friend.
Your grip tightened on the jacket held in your arms, pressed against your palms as though it were the only thing keeping your feet firmly on the ground; its sigil so familiar and starkly different from the one you still bore on your back. You lifted the cloth before you, observing the wings that had been granted to you not ten minutes before.
The wings bestowed to you by Captain Levi.
The reality of it had yet to sink in, if you were being truthful.
The Wings of Freedom.
After everything, after all your effort and all the strife, all the trials you and the others had surpassed, you had finally made it. After a lifetime spent beneath the earth, clawing your way through rubbish-laden muck and into the light of day; after fighting your way through the ranks of the cadet corps, tooth and nail; after enduring the last two months serving for a cause you didn't believe in, while your heart lay, beat beyond the walls, you had finally been granted the wings you needed to fly.
Wings you had earned.
You knew Amelia would be proud.
You pulled the jacket close, burying your face against the roughness of the patch across the shoulders. This jacket didn't smell like anything; the tan cloth almost stiff to the touch. You weren't sure anyone had ever worn it before. That suited you just fine. This jacket was a clean slate, an empty page. You would be the one to begin filling in the lines.
You were finally able to begin writing your own story.
And so, you found yourself thinking. What comes next?
The pen in your mind hovered above the expanse of blank parchment, waiting, patient. Ink begging to meet the smooth breadth of boundless potential.
This wasn't your prologue, not anymore. It never truly had been.
What was your next chapter?
Your heart knew the answer, and the pen dropped to the page.
You found yourself walking the familiar alleys on autopilot; your body taking you straight to your destination.
The rubble strewn across ruined streets was no deterrent. The sun had disappeared completely from the sky, long since lost beyond the walls, but you could feel a thread tugging you ever closer even through the dark.
As you finally approached the massive grey structure of the military headquarters, only minimally damaged, you found yourself at last coming to an uncertain halt, energy and anxiety thrumming in your veins.
You knew he was resting within. He probably wasn't even awake. Maybe that was better. It would give you more time to organize your thoughts.
You knew you had to talk to him. But you weren't sure you were ready.
Yet you had made it this far. You owed it to yourself; to him. What was a few more steps?
You climbed the dozen or so steps to the grand stone doorway, muzzling your hesitation. You felt that maybe if you were able to pretend you were feeling confident, then confidence itself would follow.
With an air of assurance you didn't yourself believe, you strode through the eerily quiet hallways, the commotion you had grown so used to all but snuffed out. You imagined that the soldiers still on duty were most likely out searching for survivors. You weren't unhappy for the quiet or the solitude.
Your feet had carried you well, your gait strong and confident, right up until you were paused outside a heavy wooden door, the cool metal plaque on the door reading 'Room 3E'. The room you knew he had been assigned to for bed rest.
All pretense of conviction evaporated.
Rooted to the floorboards, you found yourself again kneading the tan fabric you held with apprehensive hands. It was finally your chance to talk to him again, and hopefully, put to rest the conflict between you. If you were lucky, maybe he would say you could still be friends.
You didn't want to be selfish. But if friends were all you could be, then you would take whatever you could get just to be near him.
You raised a hand to knock, but once again found yourself unable to pass that last threshold. Your fingers hovered above the paneling, fingers shaking.
"I can literally feel your anxiety from in here," came the familiar gruff tone from through the door. "Just come in, already."
His muffled voice through the door hit you like an arrow to the chest, the nostalgic tones of irritation masking nerves throwing you back into years of memories. Any expectation you might have had of him being asleep had been dispersed in an instant; you couldn't decide at that moment whether or not came as a relief.
Blinking hard and mustering what was left of your courage, you pushed the door open.
Despite your long walk over and all the long minutes you had spent working yourself up to this, your breath still caught in your throat at the sight of him. The room was dim, lit only by a few candles on a table near a simple, white cot, sheets ruffled with use. He was standing by the open window, the breeze ruffling both his hair and the sheer curtain. A small vase of dainty purple flowers seemed unbothered by the chill. You envied their composure.
You did your best to pull your lips into a smile which you prayed didn't look as forced as it felt. "Hi, Eren."
His eyes scanned over you briefly, assessing. He looked very alert, if tired. After his search, he held your gaze. "You aren't hurt?"
Your smiled warmed a little at his display of concern. "No, I'm not hurt."
"Good," he huffed. "It... was a shit show. Today."
"It was," you agreed, eyes falling. "Are you... alright?"
You tried to block out the image of him, unconscious, bleeding beneath the rubble of the Stohess Undercity passage, the quiet words you had whispered to him as the city collapsed around you:
"I couldn't stand to watch the man I love die twice."
You didn't regret what you had said. You only regretted that it had been then, as he lay bleeding out, a wooden stake pressed into his chest, nearly unconscious and likely unable to remember any of it.
He paused for a moment, oblivious to your inner turmoil. "No worse for wear," he answered. "I heal a lot faster than I used to."
You nodded, but couldn't stop the words that came next. "That's good, but... I didn't mean just physically."
The air between you went still once more, thick with shared trauma. Eren didn't say anything for a moment, turning back towards the open window. "I'm glad you came," he said. "Like I mentioned, I want to talk to you."
"I, uh," you started, clearing your throat to try and dispel your nerves. It didn't work. "Yeah. I told you I would. And I'm here because I need to tell you something, too."
He looked at you then with a quirked brow, expectant, waiting. To your surprise, he did not prod you to continue. To your horror, he seemed to expect you to go first, regardless.
You braced yourself, exhaling sharply. "I've decided to transfer to the Scouting Legion."
Your statement caught him off guard, shattering his display of calm in a split second. Eyes wide, his mouth dropped just slightly open as he stared back at you. "You're... transferring?" he gaped. "I wasn't imagining all that?"
That. Your face grew warm as you remembered again the words you had exchanged beneath the rubble that morning.
"The man I love."
You remembered also saying that you'd wanted to join the scouts after Trost, but figured, maybe even hoped, that Eren was too out of it to remember. As usual, he thwarted your expectations with his characteristic defiance. You could only hope that he didn't remember everything you'd said. "Yes," you responded, trying once again to harness your faulty mettle. "There were... circumstances regarding my original enrollment into the police, circumstances that no longer apply, and I spoke to Captain Levi earlier tonight. I will be transferring immediately," you explained, finally unfolding the jacket in your hands to show Eren the outstretched wings that had always inspired him so much. You'd long since understood why. "I wanted to tell you first and, uh, also say that I promise not to be a bother to you or any of the other scouts. I look forward to working with you, bye," you spat out at last, words melding together towards the end as though they were a single entity, pivoting on your heel as your confidence shattered and marching towards the exit to his room before he had a chance to speak, your blood screaming, loud, in your ears, vision starting to blacken around the edges.
Out, out, out, you can have a breakdown about this later -
The cool metal of the door handle was a balm on your burning skin and you gripped it as though it was the only thing keeping you here on earth. Maybe it was.
Then your world was turned upside down again with a single word.
"Wait," Eren called quietly, cutting through you as easily as a paring blade, his voice taking on a tone you hadn't heard in what felt like a very long time.
You froze, fingers still clenched tightly around the door handle; willing yourself to pull open the door, to step away, to force your feelings back to their home, hidden deep within the confines of your heart.
But his voice offered you a buoy to cling to, even as you were tossed about at sea.
"Please," he whispered.
Your hand fell, your limbs no longer under your control, and you turned. "...Yeah?"
You hated how small your voice sounded; you hated the taste of vulnerability on your tongue. You could walk away; this didn't need to be more than what it was. You would join the scouts either way. You were certain in your decision - you weren't doing it for him. You weren't even doing it for Amelia.
You were doing it for you. And that was all you needed. But what you wanted was something else entirely.
You knew that you had already thrown away whatever it was that had been growing between you before; smothered it the day you turned your back on him without so much as a word. You couldn't ask him to love you. You had forfeited that right. It hadn't been fair of you to tell him that you loved him, even if he couldn't remember it.
So why couldn't you extinguish that tiny flame that burned inside, that faint warmth that felt strangely like hope?
The smallest flicker that danced whenever you saw a shade of turquoise that reminded you of his irises. The embers that burned against the back of your eyes whenever you laid down to sleep at night, when all you could see was the way his hand had looked so right, clasping your own. The inferno that blazed in your chest, igniting you to your very core, whenever you remembered the way his mouth had felt pressed against your own.
With each memory, with each sensation, with each emotion, the fire burned brighter, spreading through you like ivy, winding its way into your ribs, creeping into your throat, squeezing your heart.
You were too busy with your own thoughts to notice Eren approaching you, grabbing your wrist and gently unfurling your trembling fingers.
"I never got the chance to give this back to you," he murmured, and you felt him press something (smooth, warmed from the skin of his chest) into the palm of your hand. "I promised."
Your heart stuttered and your breath caught in your throat. Before you could get your own body under control, you found yourself facing Eren fully at last, eyes wide and glued to his palm pressed over your own. He pulled his hand away, and the metal glinted in the soft candlelight.
Amelia's ring.
Unbidden, your eyes burned as you lifted your gaze to him, tears you tried so desperately to hold back dripping down your cheeks. "You held onto it?" you asked, voice hoarse.
The corners of his eyes crinkled into a fond smile. "Of course I did."
Your legs suddenly felt a little weak and you involuntarily swayed. His hands came up to either of your arms and you gripped tightly into his shirt, steadying yourself.
"Why?" you asked, tremoring knuckles pressed against his collarbone.
"Because it was all I had left of you." He lifted a hand once again, closing it over your own, curling your fingers over the ring.
He'd kept it.
For a moment, you'd regretted that you ever thought he wouldn't, that maybe he'd thrown it away. Of course he'd kept it.
A sob rose in your throat. "I'm so sorry."
Before you even managed to finish, he threw his arms around you, crushing you against him so tightly that it would have hurt had it not been exactly what you needed to hold yourself together before you broke apart. You were distantly surprised to realize that, as tight as you had you, he was shaking as well. For a moment that felt like forever, he held you, until your tears had long since dried and the breath had evened out for each of you.
His finger trailed absently across your back, drawing lazy circles over your military police jacket. You could make out his pulse where you ear was pressed against his chest. It was fast. "Don't apologize," he said quietly. "I'm sure you had your reasons, but help me understand... what happened? That day?"
You took several more deep breaths before pulling back just far enough to meet his gaze. "My past caught up to me. I had to protect all of you. It was easier just to... to leave."
"Tell me," he said, but there was no heat in his tone. Only genuine care and curiosity.
Your words escaped you in a flood before you could give them any thought. You hadn't realized how desperately you had wished to be able to explain yourself until he was here, in front of you, asking you to.
"My... my caretaker, or my fence, I guess. From the Undercity. He found out about what happened the night of graduation, and said that if I didn't become a... a tool for him to use in the MP, that he'd have you all arrested alongside me for attempted murder and conspiracy, among other things. I couldn't risk it. I couldn't bear for anything to happen to any of you," you rasped. "So I did it."
"He blackmailed you." Eren's eyes burned, pulling away from you, holding your arms in his hands as he evenly met your gaze. "Where is he now?"
"He's gone," you said, shaking your head. "He doesn't matter anymore. I'm... I'm free now."
Eren's look remained dark, but his shoulders relaxed a little, his fingers still digging into your biceps. "Then why...? Couldn't you have at least... said goodbye?"
You laughed, but the sound was joyless. "I wanted to, more than anything, but... I wasn't allowed to say anything about my enrollment. And I was afraid to face you."
"Why were you afraid?" he asked, dumbfounded.
You couldn't help the bitter look that passed your expression, but you remained quiet, averting your eyes.
"Please," he said, squeezing your arm softly. "Why were you afraid?"
"I was afraid that I would say too much," you answered quickly, still refusing to look at him.
His fingers left your arm only long enough to gently take hold of your chin, turning your face to his. "Say what?"
"Eren," you whispered, finally caving under his scrutiny, looking at him head-on, a plea in your expression. "Please."
He was quiet for a moment. Serious. Thoughtful. "If what I remembered about you telling me you had decided to join the scouts was actually correct... do I maybe remember all of what you said correctly?"
Your heart stuttered, nearly stopped at his words, at his strange tone. "Please," you repeated. "You can ignore that, you must have been imagining things... I... I don't want to make things harder than they need to be."
Eren scoffed, but the sound held no malice. "And you're always calling me an idiot," he said, voice low. "You know, you beat me to it. I never got to tell you what I wanted to tell you. The night of graduation."
Eren lifted his hand to trail his fingers down the path of the scar that had marred your face since the day you left the Undercity, years ago, but you felt that he was touching so much more than just your skin. You found yourself leaning into the touch, unconsciously, pressing your cheek more firmly against his hand. His thumb rubbed softly across your cheekbone; your eyes never left his own as he held you as if you were the most precious thing he'd ever laid eyes on.
"I love you," he murmured, his voice quiet but sure, and you swore that in that moment, the very earth itself came to a standstill. "I think I fell a little in love with you when we met on that shitty roof way back when. I was so doomed," he chuckled, resting his forehead against yours. "I always thought that the scouts were all I ever wanted until you came into my life and made everything so damned difficult," he said with a small smile, lifting his free hand to cup the other side of your face. You could barely breath; all there was, was Eren, Eren, Eren. "Now nothing feels right when you aren't by my side. I love you. I've loved you for years. And I think that, maybe... I wasn't imagining what I heard earlier."
You swallowed thickly, heart frantic and faster than it had ever been before. Eren shifted, almost imperceptibly, leaning in closer; a mere few centimeters between you. You could feel his breath on your face, the air you were sharing.
Then he stopped - the space between you spoke of a request - a plea. It spoke of a means of escape, should you wish it. It spoke of a hundred nights laying alone without a gutter for your tears; it spoke of the thousand before that you had basked in the warmth of his all-encompassing wildfire. It spoke of a future, uncertain and undefined, but filled with hope, filled with love, filled with the possibility of home, I'm home.
The last of your hesitation gone, you finally began to write the next chapter in your story.
You closed the gap.
This kiss wasn't anything like the first. Your lips met his softly, this time, almost with an air of shyness that had never existed between you. Your arms found their place around his neck as if they'd never belonged anywhere else and Eren dropped one of his hands from your face to your hip so he could pull you impossibly closer, closer, his grip as secure as it was tender.
Unlike the first time, there was no urgency; no anger, no worry. This kiss was love, and it melted you from the inside out, your limbs nearly going slack, your knees in danger of buckling. His arm tightened around you, keeping you upright as your connection deepened and you made a soft, reflexive sound against his lips, almost as if suddenly remember that you needed to breathe. Yet all that you were, your very breath, felt as though it were being consumed, taken in by a heat and a passion that you had never known before meeting this impossible man. He groaned against you, soft and low, greedily swallowing the sounds you made as his fingers curled desperately into your shirt.
You were drowning, but the rising water was all you'd ever needed, even as it filled your lungs, pulling you down further with each passing beat of your heart.
It took all of your strength to pull away for a moment, gasping for air, fighting to keep your head above the waves.
"I love you, too," you said, smiling against his lips.
His laugh was light, soft, almost incredulous, stained with emotion. "Good," he rumbled, dipping his head down once more to meet your lips in a kiss so sweet you fought to hold back tears.
You cradled his jaw, whispering his name against his mouth as you pushed your lips against his. He started to wander, peppering your face with light pecks, the corner of your mouth, your cheek, just under your jaw, the small spot where he could certainly feel your pulse leap against him, before returning to kiss your properly, his tongue running across your bottom lip before you sighed against him, allowing him to explore your mouth like a man dying of thirst. It was clumsy, his teeth clacking against yours more than once before you both found your rhythm, but it was perfect, because it was him.
Finally, after you both had long since run out of breath, hair and clothes askew, you reluctantly separated. Your head fell forward, unable to support your own weight anymore. His forehead met yours and he huffed out a low laugh. You could feel his breath fan across your cheeks and your lips. Your every breath, your every thought, your every nerve ending, all of you, all of it was him. Your eyes met his and you smiled, him rewarding you with a wobbly one of his own.
Your foot knocked something on the floor, long since forgotten by both of you, and you bent to pick it up, unable to help the smile that tugged at your lips as your fingers closed around the dainty metal.
You pressed it once more into his palm.
"Your ring," he said, eyebrows raised. "I was... supposed to be giving it back to you?"
You chuckled softly, curling his fingers around it for him like he had done for you earlier. "I want you to keep it."
His eyes, wide, dropped to his closed fist between you. He stared at it for several long seconds in complete silence while you waited.
"Okay," he said finally with a lopsided grin. "In that case," he continued, pulling the band off from around his neck. The familiar, heavy key hung from the end of it. "I want you to hold onto this for me."
Your mouth fell open in shock. "Eren," you whispered. "Are you sure? This is really important -"
"It is. And there is no one I trust with it more than you," he said with conviction. "If I get to keep something so important to you with me, I want you to have something of mine."
He gently pulled the band around your neck, the key dangling over your shirt. Your shot him a confident, affectionate smile. "I will keep it safe with everything I've got."
He kissed your cheekbone, pulling you into another tight embrace. "I know."
With Eren's key resting securely above your heart, the two of you sat on the edge of his cot, and talked.
Finally, you just... talked. About everything.
You told him about all the nights you had spent beneath Wall Sina; you told him about the year you had spent on the fields after you left, and laughed when you realized that the fields you each had worked on had been a mere twenty minute walk from one another. He told you about Captain Levi, about his squad and how much he missed them, their support, their antics. You told him about the Old Man and his shitty little shack; you even told him about Besser and Elsie. You both talked about Annie. He told you about all the stupid things he and Armin had done when they were growing up - and how Mikasa had fitted into their little group as easy as breathing after her parents died. You told him about Amelia - everything that you could remember. You wanted him to know her as well as you did. You were sure they'd have gotten along.
Before long, the two of you were laid back against the bed, facing one another, eyes soft and sleepy and limbs tangled.
Eren still fiddled with the ring in his fingers. "I need to get another band now. So I can wear this."
You hummed, pressing a kiss to one of his scarred knuckles. "We'll find one in the morning."
He nodded softly, allowing you to continue holding his free hand. The quiet between you was comfortable, peaceful; for the first time in so long, you felt impossibly, completely happy.
"I really do think the phoenix is perfect for you, you know," he said, still twirling the ring between his fingers. "I did some research after you told me about it a few months ago. I think it... suits you. You've been through so much, but still, you're here."
You smiled softly against the back of his hand. "I think it suits you, too."
"Nah," Eren said, with a laugh. "I'm serious. You get back up no matter how many times life has tried to break you. That's one of the things I love most about you."
You went silent, afraid to break this spell, eyes holding his even as the candles began to sputter out, bathing the room in almost complete darkness.
From your spot by his side, all you could make out beyond his face, so close to yours, were the stars burning bright, high in the moonless expanse beyond the threshold of the small, open window.
Eren leaned in to you, pressing a gentle kiss against your lips, his arm holding you as close as he could.
You gripped his hand, tight in your own.
Only the stars bore witness as he whispered his love against your skin, etching every promise into your heart, until the two of you fell asleep, safe in each other's arms.