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As Ranpo opens his third box of pocky and starts snapping the biscuits one by one, Kunikida slams a fist on his desk. “This has gone on long enough.”
“What?” Ranpo mutters sullenly. “I’m not bothering anyone.”
If the atmosphere in the office hadn’t been so tense, Yosano might have laughed. Ranpo had been in a foul mood for over a week now, and it was beginning to affect the whole work environment. Normally while everyone was at their desks there was some exchange between co-workers – simple interactions like asking to forward an email or offering to refill coffee mugs – but the past few days everyone had been quiet, dragged down by the negative energy coming from Ranpo’s end of the room. Even the soft music that Naomi had tried playing earlier seemed too cheerful and was hastily cut off.
“You’ve done nothing this morning but angrily snap your snacks into pieces,” Kunikida declares. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong,” Ranpo denies with a scowl, shifting on top of his desk to reach for his milkshake.
"We’ve given you time to deal with whatever problem you have on your own, but clearly nothing’s been resolved.”
“You haven’t exactly been subtle about your mood,” Yosano adds. She hasn’t seen him smile once in the past week, not even while he was eating.
“You’re not the boss of me,” Ranpo retorts.
Kunikida rolls his eyes so hard he probably strains something, and this time Yosano does manage a smile. “That’s technically true,” she concedes, “but since the director isn’t getting back from his business trip for three more days, Kunikida is still in charge.”
“I can’t tell you what’s wrong because nothing’s wrong. I don’t have anything to talk about.” Ranpo crosses his arms and huffs, like the very idea of him keeping secrets is preposterous.
Kunikida sighs, obviously realizing that the conversation is doomed to go in circles. “Well, if you’re not going to talk about it with us, either find a distraction – perhaps the work you should be doing – or find someone else to talk to who can help. You’re close with Poe-san, aren’t you? What about him?”
Ranpo’s expression darkens even further at his friend’s name. “That won’t help.”
To the room full of detectives, one part of the puzzle becomes clear. “Did you have a fight with Poe-san?” Atsushi asks tentatively.
“No.”
“Then did he –”
“Nothing’s wrong with Poe-kun!” Ranpo insists. “It’s not him!”
Yosano notices that he won’t look at any of them and she has a flash of understanding. “Is it you, then? Is it you that’s the problem?”
“No,” he repeats, but he sounds defeated. Ranpo sets down his drink and his pocky, and without anything to fiddle with, he looks a little lost.
“If it’s not a conflict,” Kunikida says slowly, “then what’s the trouble?”
“There’s something I don’t understand, when I’m with Poe-kun. But it’s – it’s not him that I don’t understand.”
“Something about you?” Yosano prompts. “It’s common to behave differently around friends than you do other people.”
“I’m not acting different, but I feel different. I don’t get it.”
Yosano has an inkling about what that might mean, but in case her guess is wildly off base, she soldiers on. “So your… feelings… for Poe-san are changing. Good or bad?”
“I don’t know.” Ranpo clenches his fists in his lap and stares down at them. Yosano’s never seen him this distressed, not even when he’d been taken hostage a few years back by the villain of the week. “I’ve never felt like this before. It’s so twisty and –” he gestures vaguely “– weird. It’s definitely weird.”
“You still want to be friends with him, though, right?”
“Of course!”
“Okay, so it sounds like it may not be a bad change.”
Ranpo hums in reply, still troubled. “When I look at him, I – I feel – I want –” he cuts himself off and groans in frustration, clearly unable to express himself neatly in words.
“Want what?” Yosano pushes, because it feels like he’s almost there. “No one’s going to laugh, Ranpo.” And if anyone does, she’ll eviscerate them.
“I want to be with Poe-kun all the time and put my hands on him,” Ranpo blurts out. “I don’t understand it, but that’s not normal between friends, right?”
A dropped pin could’ve been heard in the office. Yosano puts it all together in an instant: she knows from what Ranpo has said about his childhood that he was raised by his parents in almost complete isolation and that he came to Yokohama after their deaths. He’d only spent a few months in the school system, bored out of his mind for every minute of it, and after getting kicked out of his lodgings he’d drifted between jobs until he met the director. Yosano knows that Ranpo had been orphaned just as he was hitting his teenage years, and it’s possible that he may not have been enrolled in health classes during his brief stint at school. So, while Ranpo might know about romantic and sexual attraction in theory – they cropped up enough in mainstream media and they could be powerful motivators in crimes of passion – it was entirely possible that, given the timing of his parents’ deaths and his incomplete education, no one had ever explained sexuality to him. Until now, Yosano had thought Ranpo might be aromantic or asexual, but perhaps his attraction is specific to people he likes, such as Poe.
“I – that’s –” She looks over at her co-workers for assistance, but Kunikida shakes his head, Dazai mouths “doctor” and raises his eyebrows at her meaningfully, and the rest of them are too young to ask for help with this. “That’s not unusual at all, Ranpo.” Yosano sighs. She’s still got some of her intro-level textbooks; one of them will probably have something that can help.
“It’s never happened to me before, though.” That fits with the idea that he might be demisexual, she notes.
Kenji, who’s still essentially the baby of the Agency even though Kyouka is a few months younger, picks this moment to enter the conversation. “Did you tell Poe-san?”
“I haven’t seen him. I thought backing off might make it go away.”
“Aw, that’s no good, Ranpo. Poe-san seems kinda delicate, you know? And he might be worried that he did something wrong if you just start ignoring him with no warning.”
For the first time during this conversation, Ranpo’s eyes open all the way. Hesitantly, he says: “I don’t want Poe-kun to be upset.”
“Well, why don’t you go tell Poe-san what you just told us?” Dazai suggests smoothly with an expression that’s too innocent to be real.
Kunikida’s eyes widen. “Wait a second, Ranpo still needs to, uh, brush up on some health topics with Yosano, and we haven’t confirmed that it’s mutual for Poe-san…”
“What, you think Poe-san, of all people, is gonna say no if Ranpo admits that he wants to suck his –”
“Dazai,” Kunikida hisses, “there are children.”
“Ah, sorry, I didn’t realize Kunikida was sensitive about the idea of Ranpo getting laid before him.”
“Shut up,” he screeches, face red, and as Dazai leaps out of his chair (with Kunikida right behind him) the room descends into chaos. Yosano takes a deep breath and reminds herself that these loud, immature children are her friends and that getting out the chainsaw is a last resort.
Ranpo doesn’t really care about whatever Kunikida is referencing, but he takes Kenji’s admonishment very seriously. He doesn’t like the sour feeling in his stomach at the idea of making Poe unhappy. Not seeing or talking to Poe at all this last week has been frustrating and miserable, and Ranpo can’t imagine how Poe must be feeling at the separation, thinking that he’s the cause of it. He might be even more distraught than Ranpo, and that’s something Ranpo has to correct immediately. Ranpo’s problems can wait.
So, while Kunikida starts to chase Dazai around the room, Ranpo grabs a box of gummies off his desk and makes his exit from the office. He’ll talk to Yosano later. Ranpo knows enough about how apologies are supposed to work that he stops at a bakery on the way to pick up some pastries that Poe likes (and enough extra for himself that he won’t be tempted to eat Poe’s). The woman at the cash register asks him if he’s feeling ill, and Ranpo’s not sure how he looks right now, but if it’s anything like he feels, then sick with worry probably comes close. He doesn’t know what he’ll do if Poe decides that their friendship is over.
Ranpo rings the bell when he gets to Poe’s apartment, shifting his weight impatiently as he listens to the shuffling sounds on the other side of the door. The lock finally clicks and the door swings open, bringing him face-to-face with Poe. Ranpo takes in the circles under Poe’s eyes, deeper than he’s ever seen them, and the pallid cast to Poe’s skin, and he realizes with a sinking heart that Kenji was right.
“Oh,” Poe says quietly, distantly, the way Ranpo’s seen him treat strangers, “you’re here.” Ranpo feels the gap between them, the awkwardness that hasn’t been part of their interactions since they first started doing this, and he despises it.
They stand there for a few seconds (ten seconds, he’s counting) before Ranpo breaks the silence. “Can I come in?” Normally he doesn’t need to ask, normally Poe steps to the side and Ranpo skips past him, but today Poe fills up the space in the doorframe and Ranpo isn’t sure whether he’s wanted here or not. “I have food,” he adds.
Poe moves aside, slower than usual. “Come in.” Ranpo sets the bag of pastries on Poe’s kitchen table while Poe locks the door behind them. They move over to the couch and take up their usual seats, side by side. “So, um. Aren’t you supposed to be at work?”
Kunikida will probably leave an angry voicemail when things calm down and he realizes that Ranpo is ditching work, but Ranpo doesn’t care. “I’m here to… I need…” He can’t for the life of him figure out how to start this conversation. His co-workers have told him that he needs to work on his tact, and he doesn’t want Poe to misunderstand him. So, in desperation, he does something that’s either really smart or really stupid –
He listens to Dazai’s advice.
“I’ve been feeling different,” he says, like he told the others earlier. “It’s my fault for not saying anything.”
“Do you…” Poe starts, his voice small. “Do you not want to be friends?”
“Of course I want to! You’re my…” Favorite rival? Counterpart? “You’re my most important friend.” He awkwardly places his hand on top of Poe’s. “I’m here to apologize for being a bad friend to you.”
He can see the relief crash over Poe, and he feels awful for being the cause of Poe’s distress. “When you stopped talking to me, I thought that maybe I had said something to hurt you and –”
“I’m sorry.” And Ranpo means it. “I was so busy thinking that I didn’t consider how it would seem to you. It was only because Kenji-kun pointed it out that I realized you might be unhappy.”
“Lost in thinking, huh?” Poe’s posture relaxes, as if the knowledge that he didn’t injure Ranpo has washed most of his worry away. “What is it that you were thinking about, Ranpo-kun? A case?”
“You.” The word is out of Ranpo’s mouth before he can think about whether that might make things worse. For some reason, though, he feels his face heat up when he says it.
“Me?”
“Well,” he corrects, “it was mostly about me, but a lot about you too. I’ve been feeling different,” Ranpo says again, that twisty cocktail of confusion and desire surging back with a vengeance, “and it only happens when I’m with you.”
Poe inhales sharply and his entire body stills. “Is that so?”
“Yes.” There’s a silence as Poe waits, and Ranpo really doesn’t want to say this frustrating, horribly embarrassing thing again, but if he got it out in front of everyone at the Agency, he can say it to Poe. “I want you. I don’t get it, but when I’m with you, I want to be with you all the time. I want…” he trails off, brushing his fingers over Poe’s cheek (and that was definitely a shiver, wasn’t it?) “I want to be close to you.”
Poe doesn’t speak, instead cupping Ranpo’s face in his hands and leaning forward to press their lips together. Ranpo unthinkingly wraps his arms around Poe’s neck, giving in to the desire to hold him. He’s never felt anything as soft (as perfect) as Poe’s mouth is. The powerful, dizzying desire zipping through him is simultaneously satisfied by the kiss and yearns for more, more, more. As if hearing that thought, Poe crowds in even closer and tilts Ranpo’s head to change the angle, coaxing his mouth open and kissing him deeper. Overwhelmed with sensation, Ranpo follows along blindly, trusting that Poe knows what he’s doing. His hands slide down to Poe’s chest, feeling the too-fast, unsteady rhythm that matches his own heartbeat, and he’s suddenly struck with the need to be even closer to Poe. Poe is so warm and Ranpo needs as much contact with that warmth as he can possibly get.
“Was that what you meant?” Poe whispers when they separate, his expression filled with vulnerability and hope.
“Do it again,” Ranpo orders bluntly, breaking the tension, and Poe laughs.
“There’s a proper way to do things,” Poe tells him, rubbing his thumb along Ranpo’s cheek affectionately. “We’re supposed to confess feelings and go on dates before we get to kissing and other things.” Oh. That’s what this is. In retrospect, it’s so obvious: this is what attraction is like. If he’d had any standard for comparison, Ranpo’s sure he would’ve figured it out much sooner. “I want to do this right,” Poe finishes.
“Well, I suppose if you want to wait to kiss me like that again…”
“I don’t want to wait! I –” He blushes bright red. “I’ve liked you for so long.” How is Poe’s expression so adorable? Who allowed that? And why is Ranpo so weak to his face? “We’re going to do this right,” Poe insists again, though his voice is fainter this time and Ranpo notices that his gaze is fixed on Ranpo’s mouth, his lips parted.
“Totally,” Ranpo agrees, his mouth suddenly dry. “Whatever you want.”
“We are,” Poe says, still entranced by Ranpo’s lips, “but, uh, I guess if one kiss didn’t hurt, then one more wouldn’t either…”
He nods vigorously. “Of course, that makes perfect sense, and three is only one more than two…”
“That's true, and we have been best friends long enough that some of our outings could be considered dates if we wanted…”
“Yes,” Ranpo says, seizing on that point, “we’ve been retroactively together long enough that we can definitely do kissing and other things.”
“Right, that’s definitely how it works,” Poe murmurs, leaning in again, and they stay like that until all of Ranpo’s frustrations from the last week melt away.