Chapter Text
"You know him?" Deadpool remarked. He was still on the ground trapped in the web bindings around his arms and torso. In his position he was growing more uncomfortable by the minute. And it was becoming difficult to talk with his face mushed against the concrete.
"Well, yeah I do... We have a little history. He wants to kill me, you know, the usual." Spider-man explained drily. His spindly fingers waved in the air in a languid fashion to bolster the joke. Although the hand movement had become a habit for Peter. Because it couldn't bolster anything to Deadpool, all he could see currently was the floor.
Deadpool snorted. "I should've known, almost all your villains are green."
"They sure are. Throw in a little bit of purple too. They must have some kind of agreement between them on party attire. Heck, by this point their color rates their rarity, the red ones are shinies.
Hmm. I wonder... Why would the Jackal have something like this invisible sheet. And why on earth would he sell it to you of all people. You could've used it against him. That must mean he has spares... How is creating something like this even possible. How does it work? What is it made of?"
Spider-man stretched the sheet between his hands in fascination.
"Either way it's certaintly bad news if he has more of these... What is he using them for...Robbery? Spying? Oh no... what if..."
Spider-man was going off on a tangent about the Jackal and Deadpool found it so BORING to listen to. Especially when he was stuck in one place, with no means to plug his ears or to annoy Spider-man out of his tangent. Deadpool couldn't care less about what this 'Jackal' character planned to do with his invisible sheets. He was just a dull man in a ridiculous costume. That frankly, looked like the only harm he could cause was scaring kids at their birthday parties. He heard Spider-man get up and pace around, his footsteps moved back and forth. And eventually his voice faded into a dull murmur as Deadpool lost interest entirely.
[Use your knife to cut your way out of this cocoon already, dumb ass.]
{No way. What if this is Spidey's way to tell us he's into bondage!?}
[Get a grip. Cut the webbing.]
Deadpool groaned. "Not helping. Can't reach my knife like this."
[Then dislocate your arm.]
"Excuse me?" Spider-man looked at Deadpool in bemusement.
"T'was talking to the voices not you.
Bee tee dubs, how long are you planning on keeping me in this snuggie? I'm gonna wet myself, no joke. And I drycleaned these pants this morning too. Have a heart! You already said I smelled bad and then I'd smell even worse... Unless this is your plan all along? To bottle some odor' of zeh Pool, and sell it 'round town. Tinman will go apeshit for that smell."
Spider-man sighed, his shoulders slumped. "You didn't listen to a word I said did you?"
"Uhhh... No."
He shook his head in fustration. Deadpool, Deadpool, this was Deadpool. The man had the attention span of a fly. That was unless; the conversation revolved around him. Something that interested him, or included material he could joke about. But Peter was all too familiar to it by now, after all he had many conversations with the mercenary before. And he had ideas of how to catch his attention if he needed to.
Spider-man snapped his fingers loudly above Deadpool. "Boobs." He said matter of factly.
"Whaaat?" Came an elated reply.
"Good. Now that I've got your attention again. We're going to chat about our mutual 'friend' and this invisibility cloak."
"MY invisibility cloak. Whatever you call this a 'moral confiscation' or some junk like that you'd dream up. What you're doing classifies as stealing."
"Taking a gun away from a man who shot someone isn't stealing. I'm not taking this for my benefit I'm taking it for yours because I don't trust you to be responsible with it."
"You don't trust me?"
"No."
There was a heavy silence between the two men. Deadpool felt a sharp sting at Spider-man's words. It was because he knew there was an element of truth in whatever the webslinger said. He reminded Deadpool of the things about himself that he tried to forget or ignore. That the actions that he took had severe consequences that he never addressed. Spider-man knew that Deadpool had killed many many people, some even innocent, and he tolerated him still. Wade knew it was because he thought that he could be redeemed, and that everybody deserved a second chance. Although, Spider-man was harsh and sharp in his treatment, he stuck to his principles, he was honest and he didn't try to smooth corners on what he thought. Deadpool respected him for that despite the bitterness he felt. He knew he did not deserve to be coddled, it would be a lie, he was truly guilty underneath the jokes he plastered over it all. But Spider-man too was not perfect, he was often sat too high on his pedestal. So high that he had no idea what it was like to stand below, that the ground was grey and not white like the sky around the pedestal. That people and morals could never be clean or certain. Or ever one single shade.
But it hurt to hear the words aloud. That Spider-man could not even trust Deadpool with something so small. That he thought was a criminal that would immediately use that blanket to do something bad.
[Well I mean you did hide a sniper rifle under the blanket...]
{LOL!}
Shit. That was true Wade thought. Maybe Spider-man was right this time, who was he kidding, of course Spider-man was right. That was stupid. He would use that blanket to do something bad, but when he was already going to do something bad. He might as well use whatever he could get.
"Earth to Wade. Wake up before I blow in your ear."
"Do you smell that?" Deadpool said suddenly.
Spider-man was alert. He looked around for signs of smoke. "Smell what? I don't smell anything. Is it smoke? A fire?"
"No. I just peed myself because of you."
"Oh. Gross. Did you really? Actually I-I uh didn't think this through--" Spider-man scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "I don't have anything to get you out of that webbing, the only thing I could use is your knife. I'm not doing that. So you'll have to wait an hour for the webbing to dissolve. But the webbing is odor proof, so my nose will be just fine."
"Gee Webs I'm glad. I always cared about your extra fragile nose. I wish you'd care about mine too, it's being crushed into the concrete right about now. It's so painful. But I'm used to this kinda treatment."
"Alright, alright. Okay sourpuss. I'll get you out. But if I get you out of there you won't make any trouble, you understand? I'll kick you off this building if you try anything. I need your help on this case. You know more about where this sheet came from and how it works then I do. And I know I already owe you a lot but I'll be eternally greatful if you did this for me. Please. I'll give you the sheet back after we're done."
"I bet you're giving me the bug eyes up there. Spidey, you manipulative crimp."
"That's me. I'm taking that as a yes and turning you over. Em- This sounds weird but where is your knife strapped to, your calf, your thigh? I don't really want to use the katanas, I'd probably skin you with those."
"Knife? Knives! I have more than one, and in all those locations. My favourite is the one between my l-"
"Oh no, don't you finish that sentence Pool!" Spider-man rolled the webbed ball that was Deadpool onto his back. He startled when Deadpool vigorously burst out from the webbing with a knife in one hand.
"Ah hah! I did it. Calm down Spidey. I was only cutting the web. Didn't need your help anyway. But I'll help you because you're my sweetheart, not because you freed me."
He continued "Yeah sors, I lied about the peeing thing. As you are welcome to see, my pants are actually dry. I just knew you'd fall for it and do something so I could get out of that spindle." He flipped the knife in his hand dangerously and caught it by its handle. "Thwack." He imitated the sound it made when he caught it.
Deadpool had been on a stakeout, that was the whole reason he had been wearing the invisible sheet to begin with. He was paid to kill a man who was planning going to marry the fancy of another man. He didn't care about the moral, all he cared about was the money. But then Spider-man had shown up. And Deadpool had crept over to the water tank on the rooftop and hid his sniper rifle behind it. Away from the hero who would be angry with him for using it. He had sat and heard Spider-man muttering to himself. The hero seemed depressed but pushed himself to carry on with his work despite all. Deadpool had listened in great fascination and forgot completely about the man he was hired to kill. And now, helping Spider-man appealed to him far more than money and dirt did. He didn't particularly care about the case itself, no, he cared to find out why Spider-man and been so morose. And he also cared because Spider-man was his friend (even if Spidey didn't think of him as a friend).
"Put that away." Spider-man berated, trembling slightly at the mercenary's skill. "Just come on then. We'll walk and talk. I need to test this sheet and find out what it's made of before we worry about The Jackal. I don't have my own laboratory so we're using somebody else's."
Spider-man sidled up to Deadpool cautiously. He put his hand on the other man's shoulder briefly, guiding him over to the fire escape. He used this contact to place a red spider-tracer on Deadpool's back. Deadpool's eyes widened. He was too taken aback by what he thought was a display of affection to realise Spider-man's true motive was putting a tracer on his back. If this all went wrong and Peter couldn't trust the mercenary, then at least he could follow him later to find out where he got the sheet.
"Teacher I have a question. Why in the f are we walking?"
"We're taking the subway, it'll be faster. I think. I haven't eaten anything today and I have a cold, so I'll probably black out if I try to carry us both all the way there. Partly from the annoyance and embarrassment of your singing 'I believe I can fly'. Or whatever number you were planning to sing."
Deadpool shrugged his shoulders in sympathy. "Sex bomb is a classic."