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I
Seonho would have never noticed at all if Woochan had not pointed it out.
It was one lazy afternoon; they had no practices or lessons planned whatsoever.
They were inside their shared room at the trainees’ dorm that the company had provided for them; Seonho was on his bed, back laid against the soft mattress, scrolling down various new articles on his phone as he energetically hummed to Pentagon’s latest title track while Woochan was sprawled on the carpeted floor, in the midst of writing the lyrics to his next song, hands busy scribbling down onto a notebook when the rather innocent query came from the rising middle school rapper, “you know we wouldn’t mind, right?”
Seonho stopped what he was doing and turned to the younger. “Mind what?”
“You and Guan Lin-hyung being more lovey dovey even when I’m around,” Woochan said, not even bothering to look up from his paper, oblivious to the shocked expression his hyung had. “It’s cool. I mean, I know I’m younger but I get it. My parents do that all the time, being affectionate and cuddly. I understand, that’s what couples do.”
“What?”
“Well, you guys are dating,” Woochan elaborated, dropping his pen then whipped his attention towards Seonho to prove a point.
Seonho didn’t know how to respond. He was quietly looking up some articles about Wanna One a moment ago and then suddenly Woochan was spewing nonsensical things. “W-what?”
“You are, right?” Woochan titled his head to the side. “You and Guan Lin—” but he was cut off when the door to their room opened dramatically and in came an untroubled Guan Lin, strutting inside the expanse like he owned the place.
“Seonho and I what?” Guan Lin asked casually, catching a bit of the two’s conservation as he went in.
Oh right, Seonho forgot. It was Guan Lin’s day off and the latter chose to spend the day back at the dorm to hang out with them.
Guan Lin sat on the edge of the bed, patting Seonho’s hair fondly as a greeting. He was waiting for Seonho to retort but the latter only motioned for Woochan instead. He frowned; Guan Lin turned to Woochan as he arched a questioning brow. Woochan sat up and was tight lipped, stared back and forth at his hyungs before he jumped from his previous spot, dusting his jeans. “I think the other hyungs are calling me.”
“I don’t hear anything, Woochan,” Guan Lin replied, forehead creased in confusion.
But Woochan didn’t answer, instead he quietly left the room and sought refuge somewhere else.
“What was that all about?” Guan Lin asked as the door clicked and Woochan was out the door.
“I have no idea.” Woochan was just being weird like usual, Seonho thought.
Guan Lin hummed thoughtfully then carefully crawled onto the younger’s bed, settling down beside him.
Seonho scooted over slightly, giving the older enough space. Seonho beamed naively when Guan Lin suddenly wrapped his arms around the younger and pulled him closer, nuzzling his face onto Seonho’s neck then softly mumbled how glad he was to be back.
“Welcome home.”
II
It was one of those rare nights where Seonho could finally relax after a rather busy day.
He was at a company dinner. No, it wasn’t a formal gathering or anything extravagant, just a monthly casual get together. The Cube Café was closed early so that the location would be used just for the occasion. The company’s artists, as well as the trainees, bonded with each other over a decent meal and good quality music. Seonho loved such events, it eased his mind.
Seonho had already forgotten about what Woochan had told him when the following days came by like a breeze, overwhelming him with packed schedules left and right. Despite being a mere trainee, he had gotten very busy after Produce 101 ended and Seonho was immensely thankful. Sure, the workload was too much sometimes and it got in the way with his much needed training and practically ruined his sleeping routine but Seonho was a sole believer that fame wasn’t permanent. Seonho decided to make the most of it until he would be back to just waiting for Guan Lin to return again so that he could debut.
It wasn’t all that bad though, Seonho supposed. Temporary recognition had its perks as well.
The night was young and Seonho was honestly having a blast even without his best friend. Seonho and Guan Lin always went together but Guan Lin was too busy to make it so Seonho didn’t pressure him into coming. Seonho could manage; he had a lot of company. Woochan was there and so were his other friends, they were enjoying themselves as the evening wore on. Seonho went to the food table to get cup of cucumbernade when Hyuna suddenly came to him, a big friendly smile on her flawless face. Seonho offered to get her a drink which she accepted then said, “It won’t be long now. He’ll be back before you know it.”
“Who?” Seonho asked politely as he handed her the cup, his tone sounded surprised.
“Your boyfriend, silly.” Hyuna giggled cutely, her eyelashes fluttered gracefully and the word mesmerizing crossed Seonho’s mind for a second before he could fully register what she said. “I can’t wait for you and Guan Lin to debut together, Seonho-ah.”
What the h—, was Seonho’s initial reaction and he willed himself not to say it out loud. Good thing President Hong had arrived just in time to greet everyone and Hyuna excused herself, leaving Seonho muddled in his thoughts.
III
Seonho’s brief conversation with Hyuna bothered him to the point that he actually talked to Woochan about it.
“I’m serious Woochan,” Seonho repeated, for the nth time already. “Guan Lin and I aren’t dating.”
“Very funny, hyung,” Woochan replied plainly without even a single glance. The rapper had his head buried on his notebook, in deep concentration as he pushed himself to finish his task before he turned in for the night. Seonho knew that Woochan was busy preparing for his performances in SMTM and he was most likely disturbing the younger but it was a matter of grave importance.
Seonho’s thoughts weren’t allowing him to rest and Woochan should suffer the same fate.
Why was Woochan so hard to reason with? “It’s not! Look, I’m not seeing—” but his phone suddenly rang, interrupting his planned monologue. Woochan was looking at him expectedly from his peripheral vision when Seonho went to fetch the device on his bed.
“It’s Guan Lin,” he said as he saw the familiar contact id flashed on the screen and Seonho badly wanted to wipe that smug grin off the rapper’s face when he answered the call.
Though he was kind of distracted with the sharp looks Woochan was giving him every now and then, Guan Lin’s words still manage to reel him back. “Yeah, I miss you too,” he found himself saying.
“What’s wrong?” Guan Lin asked when he heard Seonho groan in frustration. Woochan had just rolled his eyes at Seonho and left the room to continue his work in the loving room, giving the two lovebirds some privacy.
“Oh nothing.”
IV
“How do I look?” Sungjae asked when he stepped out of the changing room, dressed in a warm colored button up shirt he had initially set his eyes on when he dragged Seonho to the very shop. He spun around in a small circle so Seonho could see clearly.
“It looks good on you, hyung,” Seonho said, appreciating how nicely the clothing clung onto the elder’s body. “You should buy it.”
Sungjae grinned in approval. “I was thinking the same too.”
While Sungjae quickly went back to get changed so he could purchase the item and they could leave, Seonho decided to roam the store some more. It was the only free time they had even though they came to Guam for a vacation, the long hours of filming took most of their day.
The more Seonho scavenged through the racks, the more he found some rather unique clothing. The store had an interesting variety of designs that Seonho found quiet impressive. But there was a certain piece that caught his eye in an instant. It was a black and grey colored sweatshirt, and the first thought that came to Seonho’s mind was that it was perfect for—
“You should buy that for Guan Lin,” Sungjae said as he approached Seonho, a white plastic shopping bag in hand.
“Excuse me?”
“I think it’ll suit him, too,” Sungjae said, pointing at the shirt Seonho was holding. “Being tall and lean and all that.”
Seonho stared back at the garment in question. Yeah, it really would look great on Guan Lin. Seonho would even say it’d make him more handsome.
In a ‘dude-we-are-best-friends’ kind of way.
Yeah, purely platonic.
“What for?” Seonho dared ask.
“I don’t know, a souvenir maybe. Or you could buy him an anniversary present in advance.” Sungjae winked shamelessly at him before he was urgently called by their managers since they needed to return to filming.
Sungjae went before him and Seonho was scolded lightly for being late— he decided to buy the shirt for Guan Lin.
It was just a friendly gift, mind you.
V
“I met with Guan Lin recently.”
The particular mention of his friend’s name yet again by another one his sunbaenims was definitely uncalled for. It was Elkie that time. Seonho was training in one of the company dance rooms with the other kids. They were just dismissed when the CLC girls came in and greeted the bunch. They were going to use the room after them. Elkie came to him first as Seonho was fixing his stuff at a corner. The sweet and ever beautiful Elkie, who was also very close to Guan Lin since there wasn’t a vast population of mandarin speaking individuals in Cube that the Taiwanese male could freely converse to.
“That boy has really grown handsomely,” Elkie continued on, heedless on how uneasy the conversation was making Seonho. “He’s gotten quite famous too. You should watch out for some competition.”
“C-competiton?”
“Word has it that he has gotten himself cosy with a certain wink fairy.” Seonho knew who she was referring to, Seonho knew too well. “You should keep a guard up. We wouldn’t want your boyfriend to fall into the wrong hands while he’s away.” There was a hint of hidden mischief that radiated through her glassy brown orbs when Elkie smiled sweetly at the younger male then went back to where her own members were huddled up so they could practice.
Goodness, not her too.
VI
“Seonho-ah!”
“Hyung!” Seonho gasped sharply as Daehwi suddenly trapped him in his arms when the older opened the door to their dorm. Seonho had dropped the plastic bags he was holding with how tight Daehwi was hugging him. “Stop. You’re gonna kill me.”
“Ops. Sorry about that.” Daehwi hastily took a step back so the younger could get his much needed air, apologizing repeatedly before he hunched down and took the bags himself from the floor. “Well, c’mon! We should hurry inside or else Guan Lin will get mad since I’m keeping you,” he said excitedly then hooked his arm with Seonho’s.
“Do the other hyungs know that I’m visiting?”
“I’m certain that even our choreographer knows that you’ll be here. Honestly, Guan Lin would not shut up for the last two weeks that you were going to visit.” Daehwi rolled his eyes in faux exasperation but there was a tinge of attachment to it as he ushered Seonho inside. “Your boyfriend has been missing you terribly.”
Seonho suddenly stopped at his tracks. “Boyfriend?”
Daehwi gave him a look, like Seonho was asking him something stupid and he feigned offence. “Well duh, what did you think Guanlinnie was to you, Seonho?”
Before Seonho could even deny the assertion, Daehwi dragged him through the living room where he was greeted by his Wanna One hyungs but not even Minhyun’s presence could contest to how Seonho felt when Guan Lin came rushing and enveloped him in a bone crashing embrace in front of everyone.
VII
The incident with Daehwi was the last straw.
“When did I start dating Guan Lin?” Seonho asked as he stepped inside their room.
Woochan wasn’t even shocked when the question came. “Finally came to your senses, huh?” He turned his attention from his phone towards the older male who was pacing back and forth against their small space. “I can’t believe you keep denying that Guan Lin-hyung is your boyfriend.”
“That’s the thing, Woochan. He never was!”
“Yeah right.” But there was a type of seriousness in Seonho’s expression that wasn’t usually there and it made Woochan frown. “Wait… really?”
“Woochannie, we are not going out,” Seonho clarified. “I don’t know where everyone got that idea but we’re not together.”
Woochan didn’t get it. How could it be? “But what about those moments where—”
“But ‘what about’ what, Woochan?” Seonho asked, sounding both strained and stressed out.
Woochan opened his mouth then reluctantly closed it again before he released a defeated sigh in the end. “I’m not old enough for this. Just ask Jinho-hyung or Hwitaek-hyung, they’ll know what to say.”
Horror was apparent in Seonho’s face. “Don’t tell me the Pentagon hyungs also thinks that Guan Lin and I are—”
“Well ..”
Seonho groaned onto his pillow as he dropped himself onto his bed face first, feeling drained all of a sudden.
VIII
Seonho loathed the idea of confrontations. It had been almost two weeks since Woochan’s suggestion to talk to his hyungs and Seonho couldn’t bring himself to do it. So in the end, it resulted to him avoiding Guan Lin instead; not replying to his messages and calls. However, Guan Lin was persistent, he kept sending Seonho multiple selfies about how bummed out he was about the lack of attention. It wasn’t only Guan Lin that was suffering though. Seonho also didn’t like whatever it was he was doing. The anxiety was killing him in the inside just the same.
If it weren’t for the fact that Guan Lin was his best friend then dating Guan Lin wouldn’t sound too bad; Guan Lin was handsome, tall, caring and talented. But the problem still remained; Guan Lin was Seonho’s best friend. And there were certain boundaries that friends should never cross and Seonho wasn’t stupid enough to risk their friendship for it.
“So, what is it that you wanted to talk to us about?” Jinho asked rather awkwardly, eyeing the nervous teen in front of him. They were in the main vocalist’s room since Seonho wanted to discuss his distress somewhere private and away from prying ears.
Jinho and Hwitaek were the hyungs Seonho was closest to in the company. He knew he could trust them to help him if ever he needed it. So when Seonho had managed to muster all the needed courage to share his personal troubles, he barged into Pentagon’s dorm. His hyungs loved him so he was welcomed nonetheless despite the untimely visit. “Do you think— nevermind hyung, it’s embarrassing!”
“Seonho, you know we could only help if we know what’s wrong, right?” Jinho said as calmly as possible, urging the younger to continue.
Seonho bit his lower lip indecisively. Should I tell them or not? “Do you think … Guan Lin and I are a couple?”
There was a pause, a long one.
Jinho and Hwitaek looked at each other before Jinho’s face morphed into a sincere smile.
“Hyung?” Seonho broke the deafening silence before it became too much to bear.
“To be honest Seonho, yes,” Hwitaek answered with a passive shrug. “I knew it the very moment that I saw you two practicing for the first time, that you’d end up with each other eventually.”
“It actually took a while for me,” Jinho chimed in, his voice was soft. “I watched Produce too. Your scenes together weren’t much but they were quiet meaningful.”
“How so?”
“An outsider might not be able to tell but here in Cube, we’re a family and family knows everything,” Jinho explained vaguely.
But the idea was hard for Seonho to comprehend. He frowned. “I don’t understand, hyung.”
“You two have this, this thing going on,” Hwitaek butted in, wanting to lessen Jinho’s struggle on elaborating the matter, “and it just seems so natural and whenever you two are in the same room it’s like everyone else stops existing.”
“That’s not true, hyung,” Seonho insisted. “We’re not like that.”
It was Hwitaek’s turn to be confused. “But we all concluded that—” he stopped then heaved a breath, “I guess it was a mistake in our part.”
“We’re sorry if we made you uncomfortable, Seonho-ah,” Jinho added apologetically. “We never intended to put a damper on your friendship with Guan Lin.”
“It’s not that hyung it’s just—” Seonho bit his lip again and Jinho was worried it would draw blood, “I don’t even understand it myself.”
Jinho and Hwitaek exchanged looks again, a silent conservation between them. It was Hwitaek who finally turned back to Seonho and suggested, “if you’re so unsure about it, why don’t you just ask Guan Lin yourself?”
And that’s...well. Not a good idea. If it was that easy Seonho would have done it already, but it wasn’t. Everything that concerned Guan Lin was never easy. “It’s hard, hyung.”
“Seonho, have you ever stopped and wandered about what you exactly feel about Guan Lin?” Jinho asked, genuinely curious. “Even for a few seconds?”
“Well, he’s special to me— but all of you are.”
“Really?” disbelief rich in the leader’s voice.
“Well… ummm, not exactly. Guan Lin’s different,” Seonho admitted. “He’s my best friend, he stood by me during the hard times and I couldn’t imagine myself without—”
He trailed off, he knew he was starting to rumble but Seonho could care less. Mere words would never be enough to fully describe how dear Guan Lin was to him. Seonho thought back to everything that they’ve been together and he found himself smiling while absentmindedly fiddling with his moon necklace, the pendant dangling just above his heart. It was a gift, one that Guan Lin had given him when they went on a walk together. Guan Lin had gotten it from Australia. Seonho loved it and was pretty vocal about it; the smile on Guan Lin’s face after was priceless. They continued their stroll and bought food at the nearest convenient store since Guan Lin couldn’t be seen in public— he was regretful since he wanted to bring Seonho to some fancy restaurant. Seonho doesn’t mind though, as long as Guan Lin was there with him then it was enough. They would head back to their dorm after, a couple of plastic bags in hand, Seonho would cook the ramen while Guan Lin would pick the movie and then they would—
“Oh, shit,” Seonho cursed lowly, but he knew his hyungs heard it. The two didn’t look offended at all, instead they were smiling at him. Seonho reached for this necklace again, he felt his heart aching. He finally understood everyone’s sentiments. “We are dating.”
IX
Seonho waited until Guan Lin went back to their dorm for his day off. The younger slumped himself on Guan Lin’s bed— he had a different room— but the older chose to ignore Seonho, probably still mad over Seonho ignoring his texts.
“You knew, didn’t you?” Seonho dared ask after he sat beside the preoccupied male.
“About?”
“Us,” the younger started, swallowing thickly to drown his nerves, “dating.”
Unfortunately, Guan Lin didn’t miss a beat as he placed his phone on the night stand. Unbelievable. “Took you long enough, Seonho.”
Seonho frowned as he crossed his arms idly. “You know, it would have been nice if I was informed that I actually have a boyfriend before the whole company did.”
“I thought you’d never notice. You’ve always been so slow.” Guan Lin was grinning knowingly at him as he raised a challenging brow.
“S-shut up,” Seonho uttered as he nudged the other’s shoulder which earned him a breathy chuckle. They grew silent after and it was something the younger wasn’t used to whenever he was with Guan Lin, noise never seize when they were together but that moment was different. Seonho sighed as he regained his composure, deeming how uncomfortable he was with the silence. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Guan Lin didn’t answer right away, his calculating gazed onto Seonho’s, plotting what to say next. “You thought we were best friends,” Guan Lin said eventually. “I’ve always thought we were more than that.”
“What about Jihoon-hyung?” Seonho found himself saying without much thought.
“Why, are you jealous?” Guan Lin countered which caused Seonho to look away, maybe too fast for his liking. Guan Lin shook his head in amusement but then decided to turn serious.
“Don’t worry. It’s only you.” The statement prompted Seonho to look back. Guan Lin smiled at him when their eyes met again, but it wasn’t as happy as it should have been. “It has always been you.” Seonho swore he felt his cheeks heating up. “But you don’t have to like me back, Seonho.” Guan Lin sighed then continued, “maybe that’s why I never told you. I don’t care if friendship is all that you can give me. It’s enough. I really like what we have. I didn’t want to ruin it with—”
“Feelings you know will fade in the end?”
Hurt and offence flashed on Guan Lin’s dark eyes, his face darkened gradually and Seonho felt guilty for causing it. “They’ll never fade,” Guan Lin vowed sharply. “We will practically be inseparable after I’m back when Wanna One disbands. We’ll train together again and we will debut, with Woochan and the others. Together.”
“Together,” Seonho repeated in a soft whisper.
Guan Lin shrugged nonchalantly then leaned his back slightly. “My feelings alone could suffice for the both of us. As I said, you don’t have to like me back.”
But that wasn’t the case.
Guan Lin’s eyes widened when he turned to Seonho and he saw that the younger’s eyes were watery. “But I already do,” Seonho said and his voice cracked and faltered, it was difficult to speak.
Guan Lin didn’t know what got into him but his hand moved on its own. It reached for Seonho. Seonho flinched as if he was burnt when skin grazed skin briefly. It was a momentary lapse of sensation as Seonho relaxed against Guan Lin’s warm palm. “You do?” Guan Lin asked, unsure yet hopeful.
“Yeah, I do,” Seonho said with finality, his heart throbbed in agony and pleasure, and imaginary butterflies fluttered in his stomach.
Their faces were a few inches apart and before they knew it, they were both leaning in towards each other like gravity.
When Seonho slowly closed his eyes, Guan Lin crushed his lips against Seonho’s like it was long overdue. And it was as if the world stood at a standstill after that. Invisible fireworks exploded behind Seonho’s closed lids, it felt right for some odd reason. The lock was clumsy yet innocent and pure at the same time, just lips pressed firmly against the other, but it was everything for the two boys.
“I’ve always wanted to do that,” Guan Ln murmured as he pulled back after a few moments. He couldn’t fight back his own smile that curled upwards at the corner of his mouth as he rested his forehead against Seonho’s. Guan Lin loved Seonho so fucking much —he'll never be able to tell the younger enough, but god, he loved Seonho. “What does this make us then?”
“Boyfriends, duh,” Seonho said then chuckled lightly before he pulled his boyfriend by the collar of his shirt into another kiss, “we’re dating after all.”
X
Woochan couldn’t help but smile after witnessing the affectionate display through the open door of Guan Lin’s room. He decided to retreat to his own and continue his work. He quietly paced around the dorm so that he wouldn’t get caught spying on the two. It was a good thing that the other trainees were still at the company or else they would have seen Seonho and Guan Lin kissi— it didn’t matter, everyone already knew they were together. But little did they actually know.
Woochan had one thought running through his mind then as he hid in his own personal haven.
Finally.