Work Text:
Detective work was grueling, even at the best of times.
Shuuichi had spent the past thirty hours awake to tear through the stacks of paperwork his superiors had assigned to him. Despite insisting that he could handle the workload, his bloodshot eyes and thirst for the darkest coffee on this realm told him otherwise.
Shuuichi yawned as he lifted his coffeepot, tipping it into his waiting mug.
But nothing came out.
He groaned and slammed the coffeepot back into its spot. He had just run out of coffee grounds, too. For the first time in years, he would either have to forego coffee and suffer at work, or drop by those stupid, overpriced, hellish—
… Judging by the surge of anger rushing through his veins, it was probably best to suck it up and buy his coffee.
Shuuichi planted his cap on his head and put on a long coat before walking out into the city streets.
The cold of winter nipped at his exposed cheeks as his eyes scanned for a coffee shop. He passed by a couple of buildings before finally seeing the words Hoping for a Latte in neon orange in a world of gray. He rolled his eyes at the cheesy name but walked towards it anyway.
Just as he was about to enter, he slammed into the glass wall.
Shuuichi’s face burned bright red as he shook off the pain and stood back up. He looked around to see if anyone had witnessed his fall before pushing the correct door open and entering.
A man wearing a white uniform with a black apron was sprawled over the counter, laughing hysterically. He recovered just enough to call out, “Rantarou, get in here, I told you I could do it!”
A man (presumably Rantarou) yelled back, “Pics or it didn’t happen!”
The employee’s laughter slowly faded out, though tears were still present at the ends of his eyes. He swept his dark purple hair to the side and grinned. “Hello, valued customer that totally didn’t just run into a glass wall that I cleaned ten minutes ago and won me a bet with my friend. What can I get you?”
Fuck. He saw that. A cute boy saw him at his worst moment.
Shuuichi was tempted to pull his cap over his face but forced himself to look up at the menu. “Can I just… order an espresso?”
“Will that be for here or to go for your next glass door incident?”
Shuuichi swore that he saw devil horns on the barista’s head but answered the question. “To go.”
“Anything else?”
“No.”
“Alright, that would normally be three dollars,” the barista started, “But since you gave me that excellent performance back there, it’s on the house.” He finished his offer with a smile.
A free drink just for walking into a glass door? While it was tempting, it didn’t sound right to him.
“No, it’s fine, I’ll pay,” Shuuichi said, already pushing the money across the counter.
The barista pouted but accepted the money anyway. “Hmph. The one time I try to do something nice for someone, and they reject it. What will the name be?”
“Shuuichi.”
The barista scribbled something onto a cardboard coffee cup before passing it off to his co-worker.
His co-worker, a woman with long blonde hair and goggles strapped to the top of her head, burst into laughter upon reading whatever he had scribbled.
“Shut up, Miu!” the barista barked, a grin still plastered on his face.
Miu put the cup under the coffee machine with shaky hands. “Kokichi, you’re gonna piss off the wrong person and get in some deep shit one day, and I’m sure as hell not gonna help you out.”
Kokichi. So that was the barista’s name. Shuuichi took note of it as he sat down at a nearby table and waited for his drink.
A few minutes later, Kokichi held up a cup. “One espresso for Shuuichi!”
Shuuichi took the cup and read the text, pointedly ignoring the doodle of him running into a glass wall (however cute the drawing may have been):
Shoeichi.
While it could have been an honest mistake, the smug smirk on Kokichi’s face told him otherwise.
Shuuichi would normally shy away from any conflict and take the cup without a word, but it was way too early for this shit, and his crabbiness from earlier that morning sure didn’t help. He tilted his hat to the side and narrowed his eyes.
Two could play at that game.
Shuuichi tore his gaze off the cup and onto Kokichi’s name tag. “Thank you, Kok-eye-chi.” He could practically feel Kokichi’s shocked gaze burn into his back as he walked away with Miu’s hysterical laughter following him.
That experience single-handedly saved his shitty day at work.
Later that night, Shuuichi screamed when he realized that he had forgotten to buy more coffee grounds.
*
Shuuichi entered the coffee shop again, rubbing his eyes as he pushed the door open.
Kokichi was once again at the counter, and his eyes lit up upon seeing Shuuichi. “Hey, it’s my favorite clumsy customer! What will you have?”
Shuuichi ignored Kokichi’s jabs at him and ordered the same espresso he had drank yesterday.
A few minutes later, his drink arrived. Shuuichi grabbed the cup and read:
My favorite customer Shoooichi!
… Followed by several hearts drawn in purple glitter pen.
Shuuichi bit down his smile and squinted at Kokichi’s name tag once more. “Thanks for the drink, Koo-ki-chi.”
Kokichi grinned. “No problem, though I do have to say that you’ve waged war on the wrong person.” His eyes glinted. “You may have won the battle, but you didn’t win the war. Not yet anyway.”
Shuuichi tightened his grip on the cup of coffee. It wouldn’t be too bad to accept, right? What’s the worst that could happen? “I accept your challenge.”
“Nishishi… Wonderf—”
“For fuck’s sake, Kokichi, stop flirting with the customers all the damn time!” Miu shrieked, emerging from the kitchen with a biscuit wrapped in silver foil.
Kokichi stuck out his bottom lip and leaned back on the counter. “You’re no fun. Don’t you flirt with the customers all the time, too?”
Miu whirled around to him with blazing eyes.
Shuuichi escaped the store before Miu could unload her barrage of curses and walked to his workplace, sipping the coffee thoughtfully. He took five steps out before stopping in his tracks.
… Wait, he was flirting with me?!
*
Even though he had already bought more than enough coffee grounds to last him through a nuclear war, Shuuichi was determined not to lose the challenge posed to him.
Shuuichi pushed a couple of bills on the counter and said, “Good morning, Ko-ki-cho, how was your day?”
Kokichi simply responded with a shrug, smirking as he scribbled Shuuichi’s order and name on a cup before passing it to Miu. A few minutes later, Shuuichi was handed the cup.
Anticipation raced through Shuuichi’s fingertips as he read the text:
Pretty good since I got to see you. How about you, Shuueechi?
*
Soon, their short remarks had grown into full-length conversations.
“So, what do you do for a living, Shuh-ich-eye?” Kokichi asked, doodling on cup after cup.
Shuuichi scrambled to find another pronunciation before saying, “I work as a detective, Cookie-chei.”
Kokichi’s grin only grew wider. “I have to say, that pronunciation was truly impressive. The pinnacle of this language.”
“Thank you. I certainly try.”
That day, Shuuichi left with his heart beating quicker and his cup marked: For my beloved Shuniichy.
*
Looking pretty good today, Shoiichy!!!
Shuuichi fought back the heat rising to his cheeks at the compliment and chuckled at the misspelling. “Right back at you, Koo-ko-chi.”
This time, Shuuichi wasn’t the only one covering his face in embarrassment.
*
Shuuichi laughed as Kokichi wrapped up a joke and tossed his cup in the garbage can. “It was nice talking to you, Keh-ko-chi. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Bye, Shoo-eh-cheh!” Kokichi smiled and waved to him as he exited the shop.
Shuuichi stepped into the streets and frowned when he realized that he had thrown his coffee cup away. His hand missed the warmth already. He looked down at his empty hand.
When had he started drinking coffee in the shop?
*
“I thought you loved your coffee machine. What happened?”
Shuuichi looked away from his friend across the dining table. “It’s okay, Kaede. I just thought I might cut coffee out of my diet. I heard it was really bad for you, so…”
Kaede furrowed her eyebrows. “You’ve always been a really bad liar. Tell me the truth.”
He stayed silent.
“... Shuuichi? Is someone hurting you?”
“No, no, that’s not it at all!” Shuuichi said, facing his palms out towards her. “It’s just… I may or may not have found a new coffee place down the street from where I live.”
“What kind of coffee does it have for you to suddenly throw away your coffeepot like that? Or is it the aesthetics? The atmosphere?” Her eyes sparkled. “The music? ”
Shuuichi pushed away the image of Kokichi’s bright grin out of his head. “... Yeah, the coffee is just really good.”
“Well, I’m glad you finally found a place that matches your unbelievably high standards.”
“... Me too.”
*
“Goodbye, Con-ko-chi,” Shuuichi said as he left the shop. He smiled at the text written on the cup:
Have a good day at work, Shoeohii!
It took him until the end of his shift to realize that he hadn’t drank a single drop of coffee from the cup he had ordered.
Maybe it wasn’t just the coffee that drew him in every day.
*
At this point, Shuuichi had been going to the coffee shop daily for a few months. Never before had he seen Kokichi so utterly pissed off.
His co-workers practically jumped out of his way as Kokichi stormed to the cash register, his wide grin not matching the heavy aura of sheer anger he gave off.
Miu, who was serving Shuuichi his drink, leaned over and whispered, “It’s fucking amazing how someone that short can be so angry. The shorter someone is, the closer they are to hell, am I right?”
“Shut the fuck up, Miu!” Kokichi snapped.
“S-Sorry!” Miu shrunk back, twirling a strand of hair around her finger.
Shuuichi watched Kokichi wipe down a table with much more force than necessary before he took a pen and napkin from the counter and retreated to a table. He wrote the stupidest phrases he could think of before approaching the counter again. It was embarrassing, sure, but Shuuichi would rather be embarrassed than see Kokichi in this state.
Kokichi looked up at him, face blank.
“I, uh… noticed that you weren’t, um… Here, just take it!” Shuuichi handed him the napkin and sat down at his table. He sipped his coffee just as his phone began to buzz. He internally groaned when he saw the name, but he picked it up. “Hello?”
“Detective Saihara, we have another case for you,” his superior on the other end said, “Can you come to work soon so we can relay the details?”
“Can’t you tell me now?”
“Very well. The details will be emailed to you anyway.” The superior rattled off the details about the case, but Shuuichi wasn’t paying as close of attention as he should have.
Kokichi unfolded the napkin and read the words aloud to himself. “You’re grounded… Brew can do it… I like you a latte…?” He burst into a fit of giggles and smiled so brightly it overpowered the cloudy day.
Shuuichi’s heart soared at the smile, and he stammered to keep up the conversation. “I have to gay—I mean go! Go! I have to go. I’ll see you soon.” His superior cackled as Shuuichi struggled to hit the end call button, his face burning bright red.
Just when he thought it couldn’t get worse, Kokichi held the napkin to his chest and giggled. “Nishishi… Shuuichi’s so cute!”
Shuuichi gulped down the rest of his drink and tossed the cup away before rushing out of the shop, his heart beating wildly in his chest and face still red. He was sure that Kokichi was going to be the death of him.
*
The war raged for another two weeks until Shuuichi only saw a green-haired man at the counter with Miu working alongside him.
The man beamed. “Hey, it’s Kokichi’s favorite customer! What will you have?”
They were almost the same words Kokichi had said to him, but they failed to have the same impact.
After ordering his drink, Shuuichi stared blankly at him, not knowing how to proceed.
Finally, the man caught his eye. “... Oh, I guess you would want to know where he went. Don’t worry, he just took a sick day.”
“It was obvious the bastard wasn’t sick at all,” Miu snorted, slamming a fork into the sink. “He sounds completely fine when he’s actually sick. He overplays it when he’s not. Little brat.”
Despite common sense telling him not to, Shuuichi ignored the heartache in his chest and commented, “You two seem close.”
Miu hurled another fork into the sink. “Hell no! He’s just a bitch that stuck to me like some kinda virgin thirsty for a cock-sucking. Tell him, Rantarou.”
Rantarou. Wasn’t that the guy from the his first day in the cafe?
Rantarou gave her a bemused smile. “But didn’t you two go to high school together? You two told me you started up some kind of cheating ring and made hundreds before the headmaster cracked down on it.”
“Kyahaha! Fucking throwback, I’ll tell you that.”
Shuuichi swallowed hard. “Are… Are you and Kokichi, uh…”
“Huh? What are you on about?” Miu asked before her eyes widened. “No. Hell no. Never in a million fucking years would anyone here date that overrated twink. He gives off a ton of gay vibes too, so you have a chance.”
“I-I’m not—”
Rantarou crossed his arms and gave him a cold, calculating look. “You come in every day even though it would be much cheaper to just make it yourself with a coffeepot, which any workplace has without a doubt. You never interact with the other customers here either, just Kokichi. And no one blushes that much just because of the cold. It’s over, Shuuichi. Your secret is out.”
Shuuichi stared at him, horrified at the complete reversal in tone.
Immediately, Rantarou passed it off with a light chuckle. “I went a bit too far, didn’t I? Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with us. Although, it is getting a bit boring just watching you two dance around each other.”
“What do you mean?”
“Oh my god, how fucking dense—” Miu turned her full attention to him. “He likes you. You like him. Now fuck. But…” She leaned forward with the same dark glare on her face. “You hurt him, and I cut your dick off. Got it?”
Shuuichi gulped and nodded.
Rantarou, ignoring the tense atmosphere, handed Shuuichi his coffee with a grin. “Oh, by the way, Kokichi told me to tell you to check the spelling of the day.”
Despite the threats, Shuuichi still found it in himself to smile at the text:
Good morning, Schsooitchi!
*
Although Kokichi had come back to the store the next day and resumed their war, Shuuichi could still feel the dull pang of yearning nestled deep inside his chest, no matter how much he tried to push it down. It certainly didn’t help that Miu gave him the stink eye every day that passed without anything being changed.
Maybe it wasn’t the best idea, but it was the only shot Shuuichi had.
Shuuichi entered the cafe, his anxiety levels peaking as soon as his eyes landed on Kokichi. He ordered his drink before waiting for it to be served.
Finally, Kokichi raised his drink in the air and called, “One espresso for Shew-eh-chi!”
Shuuichi took the cup and snatched a marker off the counter before Kokichi could protest. He scribbled on the cup with a shaky hand before passing it back to him.
Kokichi took the cup back with a grin. “Aw, does Show-ii-cheh really think he can correct my spelling at this point? It’s already cor—” He cut himself off upon reading the edited words, his face completely blank.
“... Kokichi? Are you oka—” Shuuichi was interrupted by a fit of giggles.
“You really think you can ask me out? Think again.” Kokichi took the sharpie and marked the cup before turning it back around to him.
Good morning, Shuuiichii! Kokichi. My beloved Shuuichi!!!
Go out with me on a date tonight?
Shuuichi gave him a long look. “I can’t believe you would just turn my words around like that.”
Kokichi grinned, clearly holding back another round of snickers. “So? What’s your answer?”
“Yes, but on one condition.”
“Yeah?”
“The war has to keep going. Neither of us have won yet, so I look forward to getting to know you better, Kuh-kye-chi.”
“Gladly, She-oo-chi.”
Shuuichi left the shop that day with a kiss on his cheek and a promise for a date at seven, his heart fluttering wildly in his chest.
Maybe coffee shops weren’t as bad as he thought they were.
(He was soon corrected by a spoon and a “Congratulations, pussy!” being slung at him by Miu. The muffled sounds of Miu screeching and the smug looks Rantarou gave him would stay in his mind for a while.)