Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

AWAKE

First day.

[Zorötchi] [Welcome]:  Lance McClain

Lance was paralyzed, speechless, his heart beating fast against his ribcage, afraid to breathe, or blink, dare this image disappear because… because there were kids with him.

He had just woken up a few moments ago and he was now sitting on the floor, back pressed against the metallic pod as he gazed into two identical blue pairs of eyes staring at him. The kids inched closer to him and he inadvertently pressed more firmly against the pod. He hissed under his breath at the feeling of the cold metal against his back. Lance suddenly was very aware of the tight uncomfortable black suit that clings to his body, his bare feet against the biting cold floor, and how weak and shaky he felt overall, tired, but his mind? His mind was apparently still in the process of unfreezing, because not only was he imagining things, the kids in front of him just seemed like a very weird dream to him, but his memories too, what—why was he even in a cryo-pod to begin with?

As in on cue, the way it always happens after a few hours in a pod, little fragments began to come together, slowly matching each other with every passing second.

Earth. His family. Keith. A kiss. Deep violet eyes. A promise…

“His hands are trembling,” One of the little things said to the other little thing.

“Oh.” Lance said stupidly as he looked down and, certainly, his hands were shaking in his lap, but he couldn’t stop them, he hadn’t even been aware. Lance looked up and blinked at...him? It was a him. Blue eyes, kind smile, black hair, so small… almost as if… as if… Lance’s thoughts stopped again when the kid reached for his hands, way smaller than his own but he surrounded them as best as he could. Lance stared at the contrasting color of their skins, marveled at how small the child hands were compared to his own. How tender and how… well, clean they were. No injuries, no ugly scars.

He blinked at the child again who was watching him with blue nervous eyes. Lance just stared, marveled.

So small and so warm. And so familiar.

“Oh.” Lance said oh so eloquently again because the cold registered then. Lance stared down at their hands again as he felt warmth once again, he didn’t know for how long he had been inside the pod, but everything; from the tips of his toes to the last hair on his head felt cold. His bones. His veins. His blood. The air inside his lungs.

Lance just couldn’t stop shaking.

“Uh…” Thing One looked at Thing Two for help, and the child that had been trying to warm his hands stepped away.

The moment the child began moving away Lance spaced out, suddenly feeling disconnected from reality, he tried to calm his breath, trying to reconcile his thoughts with this reality he suddenly had been thrown at when he sensed something settling over his shoulders. As a reflex he looked up startled and confused,  years of training and being a Paladin was still craved in his soul, so quick and fast as lighting he expertly caught the little hand that had been trying to… to…

A yelp.

“Oh my—I’m… I’m sorry,” Lance said ashamed as he quickly lowered his hands, embarrassed and feeling guilty for a moment at seeing the startled faces on the kids who were quietly staring at him as if he was a wounded animal, the kids had brought a nearby sheet from one of the medical bays and had—well, they were trying to surround him with it but now they seemed to hesitate. He felt a pang in his chest when he remembered little Frida, who was just ten or eleven back on Earth, and how scared she had been when they first met. He smiled gently towards the kids and with clumsy but slow movements he took the blanket they had dragged, making sure that his hands did not touch theirs. When the kids finally relented it he tugged it around him, keeping it firmly around his shoulders.

“Thank you,” He said in a whisper and what he hoped was a reassuring smile.

The kids exchanged a look of relief before they smiled at him again.

That’s when Lance’s head decided to unfreeze a bit for him, as his body began to get just a bit warmer due to the thick sheet, questions started tumbling inside his mind because…

Because there were kids there.

With him

In space.

He blinked again.

What the hell was going on?

“I… I…” Lance could only stare at the kids, his eyes scanning their faces relentlessly, “It’s impossible.”

He hadn’t realized he had raised a hand to touch the girl’s face until the boy pushed the girl back quickly, and if Lance’s brain had been working with him he would’ve noticed how the little girl was giving her brother a glare, however, Lance was only able to notice that his hands were still hovering over the general direction of them without his permission, he quickly lowered his hands and pressed them against his stomach, flustered that his brain was still not working with him and so his body was reacting way faster this his own thoughts.

God, he had managed to scare two kids in less than five minutes, geez, get a grip man.  

But Lance was just entirely floored by them.

“I'm sorry.” He whispered again as he stared at the marks under their eyes. Blue marks in the form of little half-moons. “Holy shit.” He whispered again under his breath.

The kids glanced at each other before turning to lance, both tilting their heads to their side in clear confusion and to be honest afraid. Lance couldn’t help but notice that the easiness in which they had moved around him before had left them, now staying a few steps away from him.

As if they were scared of him.

Afraid of him.

“Sorry I just…” Just what? Sorry that his brain was still trying to process there were kids there? Lance imperceptibly leaned further against the pod as if backing away; something close to his heart hurt at the sight.

He looked again down at his hands, was he really awake? Altean kids… there aren’t any Altean kids in the entire galaxy, he knew this, so why was he seeing Altean kids? His brain told him he was probably still dreaming in the pod, after all, this was just so bizarre and impossible for it to be true.

He nodded to himself, of course, okay, right, think McClain. And for some reason, he mind drifted toward Slav. Slav has once told him there were several ways in which people could know if they were living in an altered reality, or in this case, a new induced way of a dream in a coma, or maybe even torture. A few years ago a drug had gone around in the Galra Ranks that made you hallucinate, see and therefore say things.

The Galra used it as a torture mechanism against their enemies, making them see things, either good or just downright frightening to break you. It was a very efficient way to gain Intel, that’s for sure.

Pidge had once been attacked like this on a solo mission, however, the team had managed to rescue her before any real damage could be done, however, they had all turned towards Slav so nothing like this could ever happen again to them.

To discern reality from dreams it’s a very challenging task, Paladins, but in this and in all realities it’s needed.

First, it’s the little, not the grand things that gives the lies away.

What felt out of ordinary?

Well, Lance thought distraughtly as he saw the kids still looking at him, the kids it’s a really grand thing right now.

Also the fact, he noticed then, that no one else was there, that was a strange fact that actually hurt a little. It was tradition now that whenever someone steps into a pod there will be someone on the other side to welcome him or her back. Commonly in his case, it was Keith who was there to receive him, sometimes Hunk or Coran, but now there were just two kids. Two kids that couldn’t even exist. Even by Galra standards, this would be a very strange way of gathering Intel. And for all he heard about Pidge and several other people who had gone through this, so far this hallucination only contained two adorable kids helping him. No Galra in sight, no dying teammates, no one asking information, no pain.

Fine, so no torture mechanism, then.

Could it be possible that somehow he had created this? Inside his mind? After all how long has he been asleep? Why was he even in a pod? He took a ragged breath, almost panicking. Why was he even in a pod?

He sensed movement again, his thoughts going way faster inside his mind that in the real space of time, and he looked up slowly towards the girl, because it was a girl, for God’s sake, and when was the last time he saw kids?! His arms that always itched when he saw little alien child itched then, because these kids looked so human too.

He kept his eyes trained on the girl as she walked up to him, gingerly and carefully and Lance just relaxed against the pod at the best of his abilities, allowing her to come closer, curiosity matching both their eyes as she placed her hands on his chest again, as if trying to calm him.

Lance only realized then he was heavily breathing, he blinked, feeling his heart steadily beating against the little girl’s hands and Lance half mindedly realized that somehow he couldn’t be asleep, or in a hallucination, not when they felt so real.

Gingerly, even when the boy grumbled something, Lance lifted a hand from around the sheets he was surrounded in, and gently placed it against the face of the girl, the girl tensed a moment but didn’t move away. She gave him a shy smile in return and Lance found himself perplexed.

He gingerly moved his fingers over her cheek and then pushed away a lock of black hair behind her ear, his movements slow and careful, trying to not scare her away. She was so small, so warm, and her eyes were an incredibly blue… he passed his thumb over the mark on her cheek. His hand began shaking again. He gasped and the girl tilted her head confused by this.

And he knew that stare. Lance knew that stare, those pale blue confused eyes. And he knew that kind smile on the boy’s face, that stubborn look he was now sporting.

Lance felt as if he couldn’t breathe. His entire body trembled.

“Cämi, maybe we should tell Mom.” The boy whispered for the first time.

Lance definitely stopped breathing.

“Cämi?” He squeaked.

Maybe it was torture, maybe he was just seeing and hearing things he had always wanted to see, he kinda wished he could just get up from the floor and run away, because there, sitting with not enough strength to gather himself up, he was doomed to just stare helplessly at the kids unable to do otherwise.

Altean Kids.

But it was impossible.

And yet he blinked again, just to be sure, but yet the kids remained there, the boy joined him from his other side, and that’s when Lance noticed the girl was giggling, little hands still pressed against his chest.

“Beep, beep, beep!!” She whispered before looking at what had to be her brother. Because there was no other explanation to how alike the kids looked. The boy glanced at his siter warily before he too raised a hand and touched Lance’s chest, just over the frantic beating of his heart as if wondering what this whole new deal with Lance was. Inadvertently, to support himself better, he had placed his other hand rather recklessly against Lance’s cheek.

Soft, warm little hands pressed against his cheeks and his chest and Lance was only able to focus on that to not start scrambling away. He kept still, barely breathing as curious eyes looked up at him as if they knew him and where sharing a joke with him.

No. No, this was definitely real, Lance realized then. With no lingering doubt in his mind to prove him wrong which was incredibly frightening at the same time.

This was real.

“What the fuck?”

The boy grumbled softly as he tried to push the sheet higher over Lance’s shoulder that had fallen to the ground with a pout as the girl giggled again, Lance felt her laugh through the fabric of his suit, it had been ages since he had heard a kid’s laugh, “Mom says that’s a bad word.”

It was adorable.

But Lance’s mind was somewhere else. More pieces came together as he looked around for a moment just to stabilize himself, his hand resting on top of the girl’s. He was truly in his reality. The kids in front of him a reminder of that, but the biting cold against his back, the warmth in his chest and the lingering pain in his brain was telling him he was very much alive too.

Furthermore, he was awake.

He combed his hair with a hand in the nervous habit Keith is always calling him on.

He thought of getting to his feet to get some answers, while his curiosity was sparkling inside his chest proding him to just ask the kids what are they doing here, were had they come from, where are their parents or actually any other form of human being, anything, before he could even opne his mout Lance heard the noteworthy metallic shush of a door opening, his eyes automatically moved to the main entrance and he blinked again and again, and once more because even from afar the person standing at the door was unmistakable. 

 “What the fuck?” 

The girl leaning on him sighed, almost disappointed, “Uncle Lance.”

But Lance was not listening in the slightest, there, standing, shocked just as Lance was—which mind you, Lance was very, very shocked at the moment— was the male version of Pidge that he had never seen in his life but he knew perfectly well.

Matt Fucking Holt.

Matt Holt was standing there as if he himself had been unfrozen and Lance felt a twinge of bitterness, he was the one shocked here! And alright, his mind was already halfway through processing but just what the fuck was going on?!

He knew this was real, but if the universe was trying to prove him wrong it was doing a great job because what the hell?!

“You are awake,” That’s the first thing Lance heard from him and Lance, unable to move from his spot on the floor, surrounded by Altean Kids and a sheet that was doing a poor job of keeping him warm, just stared dumbfounded. Then panic crossed the face of the newcomer as he stared at the kids in palpable shock, “You are—oh my god! Oh my god, quiznack, shit shit shit shit, Jesus, I— Keith is going to kill me, and Allura said—for the love of God, quiznack, you are awake!“

Lance could’ve laughed at that sentence alone if the whole damn situation could at least make sense somewhat. But yeah, relatable. Then Matt was calling the kids to him with hurried motions of his hands.

“But… Uncle Matt.”

“Now.”

The kids looked at Lance resignedly before their shoulders slumped, the girl just patted his cheek clumsily while the boy tilted his head confused once again, looking intently into his eyes before dragging his sister away, both of them throwing anxious glances at Lance over their shoulders.

The Blue Paladin just watches them walk away from him in silence and already something heavy settled in his chest at watching them go towards, apparently, Uncle Matt, who seemed to be in a hurry as he quickly shepherds them out the door, saying something to them in quick Altean before rapidly shutting the doors behind them.

Their pale blue eyes were still locked with his when the metal doors closed.

Silence reigned inside the room again.

Lance felt as if he had been thrown once again in another reality, a cold shiver running down his spine, he was only able to stare at the space where the kids had disappeared behind the door for a few moments, taking a deep breath, before his eyes settled on caramel ones and the feeling like he needed his brain to start working overwhelmed him once again.

Because…because was Matt Holt really there?

“What the fuck?” He whispered again, marveled, staring at a man that he knew meant the universe for someone in this ship. Had Pidge found him in the time he was gone? How? Suddenly there were too many questions. The man at the door finally seemed to relax at his words and he chuckled under his breath, tentatively walking towards Lance, steps slow and short, as if unsure how to proceed.

Lance just stared at him, head tilted, categorizing all the things he found on his face that reminded him of Pidge. The hair color was the same, and their skin tone was just as pale as he remembers, they definitely have the same amazing caramel eyes filled with wonder and keen intelligence, but the smile just not quite fits the same. Pidge always smiled either very naïve and boyishly or with something secretive hidden at the corner of her lips.

Matt smiled with kindness.

Lance could count with one hand the number of times he had seen that smile on Pidge’s face. One of them had been… had been when he had promised her to find her brother once he gets healthier.

Pidge. Oh, Pidge. And his heart, that had been drumming annoyingly loud against his ribcage, now hurt because now he remembers, the pods always make your head fuzzy and your thoughts annoyingly disconnected, but now that a few moments had passed he remembers.

Sick. He had been sick, right? He remembers that part painfully clearly now. He remembers Keith voice, saying over and over again that he loved him, that there was a cure, that he needed Lance to take this chance, he remembers seeing Earth one last time before Keith told him there a chance for him to live while Lance could hardly listen to him while he could also feel the pain all over his body, ripping him apart, making him delirious because it was like he was burning inside out.

He stared at his hands as if waiting for them to start turning purple and green, just like all those times he had stepped inside the pod prior this time but nothing happened. No agony, no suffocating feeling in his chest, and no numbing throbbing in his brain that makes him angry and bitter.

After remembering being in pain for so long…this was a little bit unnerving.

He was sick. He was sick and he had gotten into a pod without even saying goodbye.

“Man, I bet she was pissed,” He whispered to himself. He looked down at his hands once again, a healthy caramel color staring back, he turned them face up and down a few times before he scrunched his nose in a silent question, something in his chest thudding fast, this didn’t make sense at all because this meant…Had they unfreeze him to… what exactly?

He gasped, eyes unfocused looking at the front. His mind disconnected for a second.

One year Keith, I’m willing to give up a year, no more.

There’s a cure, Lance. They found a cure, just let me get you to it.

I will unfreeze you, I promise, once you are safe and sound I will unfreeze you.

Lance gasped.

He has Cancer. It had been hopeless and tiring and just downright heartbreaking to live with it.

He looked around as if he would be able to see a calendar or his answers painted in the air.

Was the year he had been willing to give up over? Was he unfrozen so he could go back to Earth and live his last days?

And yet his hands were unbruised.

Or… or did they—

Oh my god.

Did they find a cure?

“You… uh… you are trembling,” Matt said and Lance blinked up dumbly in time to see Matt placing the sheet around his shoulders tighter where it had slipped. He just smiled again and Lance just stared at him from his spot on the floor, “I uh… welcome back! Lance McClain right? I’m… I’m Matt Holt, I… I… I’ve heard so much about you, and I just—whoa, I’m…. Jesus.”

And Lance smiled too. Matt was really here. Pidge had really found him and she had not been alone all the time he had been gone. A whole year probably.

A whole year.

His mind quickly moved that thought aside, “I’m glad to finally meet you, Matt Holt.”

Matt was quiet, kneeling beside Lance with unsure but kind eyes, no one spoke for a moment, Lance’s eyes occasionally moving to the metal doors again, as if waiting for someone to step out from them.

Where was his family? If he was truly awake and healed, where were they?

His hands turned into fists, if he was still sick by now he would be feeling something, something blooming in his chest, a never-ending pain in his brain, but so far he still felt light.

Could it be possible that they had not woken him up for his last day to live… but for the first day of many to start?

He was way too excited and terrified to ask.

Matt, apparently, was indeed a very smart man because he understood the quiet questions Lance was too shy to ask. He placed a tentative hand on his shoulder and Lance stopped looking at the doors to look at him.

“I…” He stopped himself, hand more firmly pressed against Lance’s shoulder, “You must be hungry, right? And you are so cold, Allura said you would be, so… how about you get out of that suit while I look for the others? They are going to lose it when they see you,” Matt said as he helped Lance to his feet with a hand around his shoulders, Lance went with the motion while keeping a firm hand on the thin sheet, with wary steps Matt walked them to a bed and allowed Lance to sit there while Matt sat opposite of him on a chair.

“It’s… is everyone alright? How—do you know how long I was in the pod?” Lance asked as he looked at Matt, marveled that he was indeed talking to Pidge’s big brother, who actually looked way older than he imagined him. He always thought Matt and him were almost the same age, but now looking at him it was easy to see that Matt was at least a few years older, “Where is everyone? And… where… did I just see kids just now? Do we now take alien allies and their families in or something?” He chuckled as he shook his head.

And even though Lance meant that as a joke Matt Holt was quiet, he quickly averted his eyes, the hands on his lap trembled before he smiled again, making Lance blink in confusion and his smile melted on his face.

“Sorry, we just—we were not expecting you to wake up this soon, you uh—you surprised us, that’s all.”

Lance smiled softly again as he tugged the sheets closer around him, pushing his long legs in front of him as far as they could go, he always feels stiff after a long time in a pod, he nodded to himself, “Well, now I’m here, is… is everyone alright? Or… uh, I somehow always choose the worst times to wake up, are we under attack or something?” He said as he tried to listen further but he noticed that the lights were not shining red, no alarms were sounding around the castle and no signs of battle could be heard.

Again he felt something heavy pushing on his chest, it was maybe childish to even think about it, but when he had stepped into the pod he was sure that for better or for worse the first thing he was going to see when he was woken up would be violet eyes. That was actually the last thought he remembered having: Keith had been there on the other side, looking at him with wide bright eyes. That was the last image his brain had collected. And he had truly expected Keith to be the first thing he saw when he came back.

And then he had blinked and he wakes up…

And it was entirely unreal how much not seeing Keith there hurt.

“Has Zarkon been attacking recently?” Lance asked instead, entirely focused on not feeling down because surely his fiancé along with his whole family were somewhere important at the moment, after all, they were Paladins of Voltron, they wouldn’t be around his pod all day and night. So he settled on the bed more comfortably, after all, he had been dying to meet Matt Holt for years, hadn’t he? And even though this is the first time that they see each other it was as if Lance already knew him, “C’mon, you gotta fill me up with what’s been happening! Have you helped them in battle? How did Pidge even found you, man?”

Matt blinked at Lance’s excited tone and Lance backtracked.

“Sorry, I know we don’t know each other that much yet, or at all, but… well,” He smiled sheepishly, “That little gremlin just never shuts up about you, don’t tell her I said that though.”

Matt just looked at him with something like pain in his eyes… pity. And Lance, for whatever reason, felt small; in a moment of unbidden shyness, he pushed his legs closer to him.

Stupid, Lance thought, you are not friends, stop making this weird.

“I uh… where are the others, do you know?” Lance finally asked after a long minute of awkward silence, trying to change the subject, hand rubbing at the base of his neck with a sheepish smile adorning his face, “I kinda expected them to be here, to be honest, are they alright? On a mission or something?”

Mat blinked as if finally coming down from his reverie.

“I think it’s safe to say that they are alright now,” Matt Holt said as a response, finally his brain computing that yeah, yeah Lance was breathing and alive and well because for as long as he had known Team Voltron they had never been alright. No completely. Not since he had known them.

But Matt as a great Observant.

Matt didn’t know Lance. Not really. Only his blank face and how the color of his skin looked a bit bluish behind a glass. He didn’t know the sound of his voice or the color of his eyes. He didn’t know his favorite brand of ice-cream, or if he liked sandstorms or rainy days. But weirdly he felt as if he knew him, actually, he knew a lot about Lance McClain.

He knew about the Cuban boy who had gotten Cancer in space, and he knew how when he was seven he broke his leg, Camila had shown him photos when he was little, a wide smirk on his face proudly sitting on a chair with a cast.

He knew about the way Hunk sometimes tells jokes that when the rest of the team just shrug he always ends up whispering ‘Lance would understand’ and he would smile softly to himself. He knows Hunk has a book of recipes he wants to make Lance when he wakes up.

He knows that the records in the video game console of Pidge’s still has Lance’s name saved as the first player, and he knows she sleeps with a huge and very worn but well-loved blue bathrobe that she refuses to throw away.

He knows that Allura uses a pink-sharpie helmet, and that when he had asked her why she just doesn’t wear a new one she had looked incredibly affronted, ‘This the most special hand-made gift I have received, Matt Holt, I’m not ashamed of using it, after all, there’s only one like this in the entire galaxy’.

And he also knows that when Coran tells a story with Lance in it, Lance is always some kind of brilliant mastermind behind a plan that had looked ridiculous but turned up alright in the end. How there’s always a space in the front of the pod when they go down to a planet undercover.

As if the shotgun place was for someone else.

And he knows how long has Shiro been here, in this room, staring at the impassive face of a boy that had once been in The Garrison, just like him.

He knows how much Keith missed him, how much time Keith had spent inside these walls and how every morning, without fail, he would be there, talking with Lance. As if he would be able to reach him. Matt also knew how sad or happy those eyes could be when Lance was brought in a conversation.

He knows how much Keith Kogane, without ever saying it, loved Lance McClain. Matt could not understand that kind of love, and he had known the man for many years. It was… something unmovable and yet changing.  Matt had never seen something like it.

The Red Paladin had politely refused several marriage proposals on his years as a Paladin, had turned down many men and women looking for an alliance, him being the last bachelor Paladin.

Matt was always stunned because how could Keith manage to be so loyal to someone who could not even breathe on his own? And even though eight years had passed, it was as if Keith’s feelings couldn’t and wouldn’t wave over the years.

So yeah, yeah he knows a lot about Lance McClain, so much, it felt unreal to be here with him. But Matt, above all things, knew how much Lance was missed and loved in this ship. How hard the people he had come to care as family had fought for him.

And finally, all their years of waiting had come to an end.

“Thank you for coming back, Lance.”

Lance blinked confused at the words but just nodded, the cold finally starting to recede from his bones, too many questions bubbling inside of him but the man sitting in front of him could not help him with them. He opened his mouth and that’s when his stomach grumbled.

Matt chuckled; it was really unreal to be there. Lance was breathing and talking and hungry—and yeah, okay, he must do something about that. Lance, very conscious of his body, brought the sheet around his shoulders tighter until his knuckles went white in embarrassment.

Matt just saw the whole thing nothing short of a miracle.

“I… I’ll bring the others then? Maybe they can uh… fill you in?” Matt offered as he rose from the chair, “Take the time to maybe change your suit? Those things are the worse, there are some clothes by the corner of the room, I’m sure something must fit.”

“O-okay yeah, thanks, man,” Lance nodded as he looked at the corner Matt had pointed at, “Got it.”

Matt nodded once again and headed to the metal doors, the gates opened at his command but he hesitated on the threshold as he looked over his shoulder. Lance had started to unzip his black and blue tight suit, clumsy hands trying to grasp the zip behind his neck.

“Lance?”

Lance looked up startled to see Matt there still waiting and looking at him, Lance lowered his hands from his back, red dusting his cheeks. He had made a fool out of himself three times in like ten seconds.

“Yeah?” 

“Just…. “

And there were also things Matt knew…that he was sure the rest of the Team didn’t want him to know.

Because he also knew that Keith Kogane loved Lance so much that the entire universe had to move to give way to it and whatever that entailed because Matt wasn’t stupid, even though Team Voltron had never sat with him and explained what happened, not even Pidge or Shiro, he knew things between them and Keith, when it was about Lance, was a dark and unstable territory to enter.

He knew, eight years ago, that some lines had been crossed.

Matt was a great observant, it was the only way to gain Intel inside a ship that refused to talk about Lance McClain the year before he was frozen.

Lance is sick, Matt, and we need to find a cure, that’s all there is to it. Pidge had once told him.

How sick? A lot.

And the team probably had suffered along with him.

Enough to notice how sometimes Shiro and Allura would bring the kids there to stare at Lance in a pod and something heavy would bring their shoulders down. They never answer when the kids ask why Lance has yet to wake up.

Enough that Pidge always seems to make herself small in front of Lance’s pod, her eyes always shining with a mix of fondness, exasperation, anger… and something else; betrayal. It was always painful to watch. Matt has noticed after years that whenever Keith is inside the room Pidge somehow never is.

Enough that Hunk, for all his golden heart and warm smiles, once a year he talks with Keith with a pleading voice but cold eyes. Matt has come to realize he talks with him every year that Lance spends frozen. He does not know what they talk about but Hunk always brings a letter with him.

Matt does not know what happens, but Hunk still has that letter, and Keith always looks as if he is about to break for days after.

Enough that Matt knew that Keith had probably suffered a lot in silence and lonely, he had lost and damaged relationships and friendships over the years, he severed ties and tried to painfully mend them again each time. Keith had left parts of himself behind in the process of Lance waking up.

And as Matt stared at a boy who had yet to know how many days he had lost he wondered if Lance would ever be able to understand just how much the whole team had changed when he wasn’t there.

“Just…” He tried again. Remember the team here loves you. So much. When you see him remember that. Matt smiled and it was a bit painful to watch how expectant Lance looked with the doors open, eyes fluttering down when he saw no one was on the other side. Matt drummed his fingers against the metal wall, “Welcome back again, we missed you.”

Lance scoffed warmly although a bit curious, at the ‘we’, “Thanks?”

Mat nodded as he finally walked out, the door closing heavily behind him. The silence engulfing him for a moment but he didn’t move, he just stood there, looking at the empty wall in front of him, he passed a hand over his face and gave a long sigh before he pushed his space phone from his pocket, sending a message to all the inhabitant’s of the castle.

He’s awake.

It didn’t take long for him to hear footsteps running down the corridor, he had lived in this castle for so long he had gotten used to each step and sound, he knew how Shiro’s strong steps sounded in the metallic hallways, always on edge but yet so firm, and how short and clipped Allura’s could be, that’s how he manages to stay away from problems.

How loud and wide Hunk’s are and how quiet and short Pidge’s are, how they scurry along the floor when she is tired, or how deadly quiet they can be when she’s trying to mess with him. How strong and wide Keith’s steps are, how heavy they can get on bad days, and how light they are when he fights.

And right now he heard loud excited steps coming his way.

Allura and Shiro were running down the hall, both with an expression he had never seen in their faces before, hope and relief and tears and at the same time aching and denial.

“Is he… is he—“ Allura said colliding with Matt, placing her hands on his shoulders, shaking him, “Is he—?”

“Yep.” Matt answered easily.

Allura took a ragged breath, blue eyes clouding with unshed tears, she placed her hand over her mouth, allowing herself to crumble a little. Matt hugged her when it looked like she was about to collapse,  she leaned on him heavily, “Very alive, safe, and perfectly healed. I saw his scans. He is fine.”

“Oh my god,” Shiro said as he lowered himself to the ground, a hand against the floor for balance, he looked at the door as if he could see Lance behind them, he smiled with tears shining on his eyes, “Finally, oh my god,“

More sounds down the hallway, this time it was Hunk with Pidge.

“We heard, oh my god, we heard! Why—the pod—why didn’t our watches alert us?!” Pidge was asking distressed but her smile was too wide on her face, tears falling down her cheeks, “Oh my god!!!!”

“The kids. The kids just told us, he saw them? Lance saw them?!” Hunk said, moving his hands up and down, finally stopping near them as Pidge clung to his arm jumping excitedly, he was already crying as he looked at the doors guarded by Pidge’s brother. He looked around him as if expecting Lance to be hiding there. “What—Matt, oh c’mon just let us through, where is he? And just where the—“ He looked around, “Are you fucking serious? Please tell me Keith is not like, in a Blade of Marmora mission because I will kill him!”

“He’s with Red,” Allura said who was trying and failing to stop her tears as she tilted her head back, hand still on Matt shoulder’s for support, she chuckled softly when she looked that Shiro was still kneeling on the floor, kindly she kneeled beside him and placed a comforting hand against his shoulders, “I…  I already called him, Hunk, well more like Cämila ran to his hangar to tell him the news.”

“I can’t believe he saw the kids before us,” Shiro said as he managed to stand up again, holding Allura close to him but a smile was firmly on his face, a few tears falling down, he laughed, “I bet he was stunned.”

“The kids,” Pidge said finally slowing her jumps, just painfully grasping Hunk’s arm, she lowered her eyes for a moment. “It’s going to make things harder to explain, we—we didn’t see this coming. He woke up three days too soon. How we didn’t see this coming?”

Her voice broke. How couldn’t she see this coming?

She had not been there eight years ago, and now, after so long, she had failed to be there today. Distressed she looked at the doors. It felt like a sick joke. Her hands twitched on Hunk’s arm. Something heavily gripped in her chest and her heart broke.

Alone. He had woken up alone.

“Oh, Lance,” She whispered, feeling her utter helplessness all over again as if it was the same day that Lance had been frozen. Hunk looked down at her questioningly when another wave of sound came down the other side of the hall.

Everyone turned to see Coran running, almost jumping as he ran quickly to meet them.

“For Alfor’s hair and beard!” Coran said as he joined the group and stopped with a halt and not so gently hugged Allura to his chest, knocking her out of Shiro’s embrace, “It’s been entire decaphebes since I’ve shaken in excitement, Princess. Decaphebes!!! My boy is back!! After so long!! He’s awake!”

Allura laughed as she hugged him fiercely, and it was a relieved wobbly laugh that Hunk found himself joining in but Pidge started horrified at the doors then, hands shaking over Hunk’s arm before gripping at it fiercely. Her mind coming to conclusions way faster than the rest of them did.

She had always known.

They had always, always known but now…

“Pidge?” Hunk asked and Pidge just pressed her forehead against his broad shoulder, eyes not really seeing, she took a deep breath before she tilted her head, her eyes finally connecting with Matt’s. The siblings shared a dark look but Matt’s attention was pulled away when Keith finally came crashing down the hall.

Finally, the man who had created all this mess eight years ago had arrived with Cämila in his arms. Keith just halted in his steps long enough to gently place Cämila in the arms of his waiting father before barreling into Matt’s personal space in a tick, grabbing him by his upper arms.

“Is he really awake? Matt, please, is he—“ Keith was saying with labored breaths but his eyes were fixed on the doors as if they contained the entire answers to the universe’s problems. They probably did. “Is Lance, is he awake? Is he talking? Is he fine? Is he in pain? Matt, what did you tell him, what did he say—“

“Man, breathe, you are shaking,” Matt whispered but Keith had to blink twice before understanding his words. Matt looked around and he realized everyone seemed on the edge of their toes, Cämila and Shiro were talking excitedly about ‘What will Uncle Lance do now that he is awake?’ and Allura and Coran were talking in quick Altean while Hunk and Pidge were whispering things to each other, with tearful smiles and bright eyes.

He smiled painfully when Keith just pressed into his skin urgently, seeking answers.

“Matt—“

“What I can say is that he truly has beautiful eyes, Keith, just as blue as the ocean on Earth, you were right. Now I can see and appreciate all the effort,” Matt joked and Keith blinked a few times as his shoulders sagged in relief before shoving him slightly, chuckling under his breath.

“He’s taken, Holt,”

“And starving,” Matt announced slowly as he looked around. Keith just kept staring at the doors, hands twitching at his sides, “And confused. Understandable.”

“Oh, oh right!! I…. I…food,” Hunk seemed on the verge of discovering how to materialize in two places at the same time when a voice shouted down the corridor.

“I got it!”

“Oh my god, I love you,” Hunk said when Shay, the last one in the ship to arrive, moved around the corner with a tray of food in her hands, she was also smiling but her hands were tender and firm on the tray trying to not spill any of the food to the ground in her excitement. Ariän was trailing behind her while he carried a vase of water with so much tenderness it was adorable.

Matt just chuckled at the sight while Pidge began blabbering with Allura about a million things at once. Everything outside the medical bay, or Lance’s Place, as they had called it until then, was chaos and Matt was in the middle of it all. Everyone seemed to be on edge of happiness. True happiness. Like if something had finally clicked after so long.

“The fucking idiot, oh my god, we planned this, we planned how we were going to meet him and what were we going to say and how everything was going to play out because we had a fucking alarm on his pod and he—and he…” Pidge just shivers, a hiccup of happiness leaving her although Matt could see something in her eyes didn’t quite match. “Oh my god,” She just finally gives up and leans against Hunk, hugging him tightly and squawking.

“He is Lance,” Keith finally says, a few silent tears streaming down his face, he still staring at the doors, voice filled with wonder and so much fondness Matt actually blushed. Keith’s voice cracked for a moment, “He breaks all the god damned rules in the universe.”

“Very well, so, he’s been asking for all of you,” Matt said calmly but brightly, “What are we waiting for?”

It was as if the entire atmosphere changed and everyone grew quiet.

For all their hurry to enter, Matt noticed, no one had dared to take that last step that would allow the doors to open.

Allura hugged herself, back straight but eyes dimmed a little as he looked at the door with hesitance that was not like her. Hunk’s placed his hands in tight fists, staring at the door hopefully before he glanced at Keith’s form with such coldness that Matt was taken aback.

Keith was just quiet, hands clutching something on his chest and suddenly he took a step back and away from his teammates, almost unconsciously.

Standing there Matt couldn’t help but think about what Allura told him a few months after they had found him, they had managed to rescue a planet from the Galra, who had been stealing several minerals from the planet’s core for years now, making the planet very unstable to live in, volcanoes erupted all the time all over the planet and Earthquakes buried entire cities, what they didn’t know is that the reason the planet had been so unsteady was not because of the Galra, it was because it was dying.

It was meant to happen.

Voltron celebrated their win over the Galra with a parade when the battle was over, the celebrating lasting until night. Matt kept asking her why they had not yet said anything to the inhabitants of the planet.

Just look at them, they are so happy to be finally free, dancing and drinking and for once in peace. They don’t know they have to evacuate in a few movements, that they have to leave their houses, and everything they had known since will disappear, we will tell them tomorrow, of course, but… for now… this is happiness, Matt, even if it’s fake.

And Matt felt as if he was standing on that planet again.

He stared at his friends, his family, frozen and quiet in the sudden eerie silence, eyes fixed on the doors.

This whole team, a team that had waited eight years to see the person behind that door, that had moved oceans and mountains, visited endless planets, that had paid unfathomable amounts money, a team who offered so much and yet received so little. These same six people who had tried, and suffered, and lived, and strived, and dreamt and hope to see this day for the total of three thousand and twenty-four days…somehow still needed three whole minutes to finally gather themselves and take strength to walk up those doors.

That’s when Matt could see the happiness cracking.

Matt walked behind them all to stand along with Shay, knowing what his part at this meeting was.

“Dad?” Cämila asked in his arms but Shiro didn’t even acknowledge her. Cämila looked around to all her uncles and aunts who were all quiet, and pressed herself closer to her silent father's chest, biting her lip.

Shay and Matt exchanged a glance, sharing the same thoughts and Matt picked Ariän from the floor who seemed to be very distressed with the tense feeling that had surrounded them.

Suddenly it was as if they didn’t exist.

Pidge was glaring at Keith intently even if the older man was not aware. Allura and Shiro were stiff one beside the other, for a couple that loved to hold hands and lean against each other so much, suddenly it was as if they needed to be apart, Cämila trying to catch her mother’s hair between her hands to bring her closer. Hunk was glaring at his hands, opening and closing them anxiously, muttering under his breath. Coran was quietly standing beside Keith a hand on his shoulder as if trying to give him something to focus on, while Keith had one hand pressed firmly against his chest, tugging at the collar with a ring that Matt knew he had there, eyes filled with so many emotions Matt was overwhelmed just by being there.

He, for the first time since he had been rescued, felt like he didn’t belong there. Like he was an intruder.

Eight years had passed, but somehow, here, it seemed as if they had walked eight years in the past, the hurt, sadness, and the anger that they all had tried to cope with and deal for years had resurfaced… and it was an ugly thing to see.

There’s nothing worse than the things left unsaid, and right now they were about to find out how exactly was Team Voltron supposed to survive their final and more important battle.

Because Lance McClain was awake.

And with him, eight years filled with secrets, shocks, crossed lines, broken promises, and haunted decisions.

Matt Holt looked at the hopeful faces of his friends now all tinted with fear.

Somehow, fighting Zarkon in that final battle didn’t feel as much different as this moment felt, because Matt found himself praying, with as much fervor as he had done then, that his friends will all survive this.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Lance had finally managed to strip from the black tight beyond uncomfortable suit, and had succeeded in finding his jeans on a shelf in the corner Matt had signaled him. His jeans looked really a bit more worn down since the last time he remembers wearing them, and a thin layer of dust had made him cough when he had pulled them out, a nagging thought in his brain telling him that at least he had spent a few good months inside the pod for that to happen, but he tried to not think about as he pulled them before he attacked the pile of neat and folded clothes again, looking messily around for a shirt and his trustworthy brown and green hoodie, but none of those were there.

He grumbled under his breath as he scratched his tummy absently, all in all he felt uncomfortable in his own skin, he was tired even after being in a pod, and he was really hungry, and he was still a bit cold, and his shirtless state was not helping.

Ugh.

Perfect.

He started to rummage around; there were a few shirts that looked definitely alien that for all that was holy he couldn’t figure out how were they supposed to be worn,  he found a shirt too huge for him to wear with a large slash on one side. It probably was Hunk’s, he shrugged and took it, however, he gave up on it because the thing just bunched uncomfortably around his frame. Sighing annoyingly he discharged it, he was thinking along the lines to just go to his room and change, you know, like a normal person it wasn’t as if he wasn’t allowed to leave the place, when the doors opened, he quickly took a few steps back from the shelf, smiling widely at the newcomer.

“Allura!” He forgot all about the shirt, dropping it to the floor and walked to meet her, Finally! A familiar face! He opened his arms wide to embrace her but he hesitated in his steps.

Allura was just staring at him, mouth opened in a cute ‘o’ and he stopped in his tracks lowering his arms a bit self-conscious, her hands were clutched to her chest as her impossible sky blue eyes trailed his face as if he was seeing him for the first time.

“Allura?” He looked down at his naked torso and blushed slightly, he scratched his cheek sheepishly before looking up, no wonder why Allura refused to come near him, “Right, sorry, maybe I should cover up or something right? Decency and all that?“

“Oh, Lance,” and her voice cracked, Lance blinked confused at this but soon Allura had finally closed the space between them with two large strides, arms firm around his shoulders, she was holding him so tight it hurt but Lance was not about to complain, he chuckled. He felt as if he had just seen her yesterday, but he supposed for the rest more time than just a few days had passed, he had gotten that much from Matt. Him being awake for his team must be nothing short from shocking news he supposes, he was due… he was due to die, wasn’t he? His hands shook. He had been ready for that to be his end but now he was here. He didn’t say anything as he just hugged Allura a bit longer, lifting her softly off the floor a few seconds before placing her back.

When he tried to push her away Allura just refused, shaking her head stubbornly. Lance chuckled and allowed Allura to hug him to her heart’s content, he sighed into her hair, smelling the soft aroma of lilies that Allura owned. After all when was the last time he had hugged her? In the days before stepping into a healing pod no one had dared to touch him, let alone hug him, afraid he was going to break.

He looked at the pod he had been in over her shoulders.

They were quiet for a few more moments as Lance rocked them softly side to side.

“Miss me much?”

And Allura finally chuckled, it was a beautiful sound, “Endlessly, oh my god, Lance,” she pushed him at arm’s length, but fingers still touching him gently, Lance’s hand falling to her shoulders in the motion, “I…”

“Allura—what is this?”

“I—What?”

“Your hair, you cut it?” Lance said marveled and jokingly affronted as his fingers brushed the short hair of Allura that now stopped around her shoulders, he tugged at it softly, shocked at this development, “Don’t get me wrong, you still look every bit the princess you are supposed to be, but seriously? Why didn’t you wait for me to cut it, uh? That hair was like a treasure to the universe, Allura, I didnt get the chance to braid it one last time! Why do you hate me so much?”

Lance pouted as he played with the ends of her hair. Allura was silently staring at him, hands clutching his shoulders inadvertently, distress clear on her face and Lance nudged her gently.

“You still look amazing, actually is that boyfriend of yours around? Because if he isn’t I feel safe enough to throw a pick up line or two, Princess,” He winked and wiggled his brows in the annoying way Lance knew would have Allura rolling her eyes, but stopped when Allura just kept on staring at him, a soft smile on her face while she just looked like she wanted to cry, “Allura, it was a joke, you still look beautiful, short hair or not, actually it looks great on you, to be honest, how is that fair?”

“You are beautiful too, Lance.”

Lance chuckled under his breath and Allura placed her hand against his chest, feeling the vibrations there, her blue eyes never leaving his, as if marveled that Lance was even there. Her other hand went to play with a white lock of hair, glancing at it before looking back at Lance, “You really think long hair suited me better? I can grow it out if you want, Lance.”

Lance chuckled and shook his head fondly, “Stop it, you look amazing.”

Allura just shook her head delightedly.

“Allura?” He looked down at her before looking around the empty room once again, it wasn’t as if he was disappointed or anything but…he placed his hands on top of hers, that were resting on his chest, and he massaged them to keep them from shaking, was she cold? He gave them a soft squeeze, “Not that I’m complaining or anything but… uhm, I was almost expecting everyone to be here when I woke up and… just where is everyone? On a mission? And hey, what’s with Matt Quiznacking Holt? Uh?  When did that happen? And… and… Allura—now I remember! I saw kids! Altean kids! Was… can the pod make me hallucinate things? Like maybe from previous patients or something?”

Allura was trembling again and confused Lance pulled her to arm’s length lowering his face to stare at her, something clicked, “Allura? I’m sorry, Oh god, I'm so sorry I… I didn’t intend to bring Altea like this, it was foolish on my part, I didn’t mean to bring you bad memories, or… Allura?”

Lance felt, once again, as if something just wasn’t quite right, there was something wrong in the way Allura was staring at him.

There had been something wrong nagging at him since the moment since he had woken up but he couldn’t quite place the feeling just yet.

“Lance McClain, you are awake, “Allura looked into his eyes and smiled softly. Lance quieted, blinking down at her. He nodded unsurely.

“I am, you… you found a cure.” It sounded like a question even to his own ears.

“We did,” Allura whispered, a smile on her face as she stared at eyes as blue as the ocean on Earth, “We saved you, Lance, as we promised. Li’zölra”

Lance smirked, “Li’zölra”

It had been worth it. She told herself. It had been worth it.

But Lance was looking at her trembling hands and he raised his brows in silent question.

“Allura?”

Allura took a deep breath, allowing herself to close her eyes for a second, hands against Lance’s chest, feeling his heart beating for support.

And everything that was about to happen better be worth it too.

It had to be.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

“What do you mean… what do you mean things happened?” Lance said as he sat on the bed with Allura across from him, she had brought along some food and he had been eating quite starved as she filled him about how they had managed to find a cure for his Cancer, apparently labelled Cancer 114 now, she had been explaining the scientific parts of it, how it was composed and how did they managed to get a cure when Lance had asked about his teammates.

It wasn’t that Lance didn’t care that he was cured, he was relieved, beyond what words could describe. He had a chance. He had a chance again at living and he needed to thank each and all of his friends for pulling this miracle for him. However, so far his mind wasn’t focused on his sickness, when he had agreed to get a cure he had not been focused on the illness but on what he was leaving behind, his family. Both on space and on Earth. That’s what he wanted to know about.

He wanted to know about Shiro, and if he had taken care of Keith, he wanted to know if Pidge was mad at him, if Hunk had cried a lot, how lonely Keith had been, he wanted to know about Matt and about the battles that he had missed, about Blue and if she was doing okay without her Paladin. But to all of those questions she gave him short but warm answers, she told him about Pidge finding Matt, about Hunk getting into a relationship with Shay, at which Lance rolled his eyes, (‘Honestly? About time’), and about Team Voltron missing their sharpshooter.

But when Lance had asked her how long had he been in a pod, how Keith had fared without him, after all, Lance knew that Keith out of everyone was going to suffer the most. However, the more questions she asked, the quieter she grew, and when Lance pressed her she just settled on saying things had happened in his absence.

“I'm saying, that now more than ever I need you to understand,” Allura said softly, waiting with the patience of a God for Lance to put his plate aside before placing a shaking hand above his, “That I need you to understand us.”

“Understand? I understand, Allura, you guys tried and figured how to find a cure, you cured me for something that should’ve killed me.” Lance said perplexed, he tugged her hand between his, “I’m alive and breathing thanks to you, what is there to understand? If anything I should thank you, all of you for doing this.”

Allura was unable to keep staring at him and lowered her blue eyes to the ground. Lance blinked confused, there was just so much sorrow on such a beautiful face, he tilted his head and sighed. He moved on the bed so he could settle beside her, passing an arm around her shoulders and shaking her lightly, hugging her to his side.

“Hey, hey, I understand, I think I do at least…” Lance said after a few moments of silence, he placed his cheek against her hair, he gulped, his mind trying to deal with the fact that more than just a day had passed, “I… yesterday—well, not yesterday, but it feels like yesterday I was here stepping inside a pod to be frozen in time and I… well, I get it. I—I understand that things happened, after all a year… whoa, that’s... that’s a lot of time but… I’m not mad that you found a cure, I was willing to give it away, It’s worth it just to see you guys again, and—Allura?”

Allura was shaking her head, a watery smile on her face, finally raising her eyes to see into his, pleading.

“Oh, Lance, could you ever, ever forgive us? Forgive me?”

Lance just stared at her, panic starting to build up, “Allura, is everyone alright? Is... is Shiro, or Keith—? Is anyone injured?”

Allura just chuckled sadly and at the same time marveled at this human beside her, forcing herself to keep the tears at bay because Lance could not understand, in his mind, the worse scenario was that he would lose his friends in the process, that one of them would die and he wouldn’t be there when he woke up. In his mind, he had lost just a year because Lance trusted his teammates with his life, and he had trusted them with this promise and they had promised him, hadn’t they? Shiro, Allura and Keith.

They had promised to wake him up after one year.

Lance had not doubt them.

It made every feeling of success crumble inside Allura.

 “Allura, please talk to me, you are scaring me here.”

She pressed her forehead to his shoulder, she did not deserve him, she had never deserved such a loyal and caring Blue Paladin. She almost sobbed, he was never going to speak to her ever again, not once he finds out, she breathed deep twice before righting herself, hands clasping his firmly.

“Lance…” She looked deep into his eyes, holding to whatever she could find there for as long as she could, “I… the rest of the team is outside the door. We are all fine, we are all alright. I promise. And they are waiting for you, we have all been waiting for you for a long time, I know you have questions, I know I have been vague, but I promised this was something we would all do together, Keith threatened to kick the door down, dare I fault on my word.”

Lance smile got wider as he looked at the closed doors, “So? Let them in, what are we waiting for? I have a lot of hugs to give and a fiancé to kiss! And like, I need a minute to think of a good explanation for Hunk and Pidge, I might need to kneel and beg for forgiveness but— Allura? Can you drop the sad face, please? What is it with you today, uh? Did you fight with Shiro or something? I’m not dying anymore, am I?”

Lance said looking down at his bare chest, still unbruised, but Allura quickly shook her head, short hair swishing with her.

“No! Gods no, we made sure of that,” Allura said before she nodded, hand firmer around his, she looked at him marveled, “You are healthy, and alive and breathing.”

He was alive. And as long as he was alive this had been worth it. Rosa would see her child again, and now that she had child of her own she knew how much hurt she had been put through but how happy she will be to see him again, she held on to that fact, she held on to the joy Rosa would feel to see her son again, “You are safe and well, for all years to come.”

Lance looked at her, after years of knowing her he knew well enough to see something was just not quite right then, not in the way she acted, not in the way she spoke, not in the way she looked at him as if he might disappear. He sighed, “Allura, what is truly going on?”

Allura grasped his hands so hard it hurt, “Lance, remember all those years ago when you told me to give you five minutes of a break when you first arrived to the castle? That you were so overwhelmed by it all that you just needed five minutes to think?”

Lance just nodded unsure, “Yeah?”

“Give me those five minutes, please? And then… then I’ll explain everything. We need time, all of us need time to understand you are here, with us, you need to understand that even if for you it was just yesterday we have been here just… waiting, for a very, very long time Lance.”

Lance just nodded floored by her words, he squeezed her hands once, “Okay, okay, time out.”

Allura nodded gratefully, after a moment she got up slowly, back straight and a tentative smile on her face, “Time out, let’s meet the others, they had been waiting long enough, I’m actually surprised they had not torn the doors down.”  For a moment she just stood there, watching him with wonder in her eyes, her blue sky eyes looking at his disheveled hair, the way his brown skin moved under his bones and muscles, how amazing it was when he blinked at her, and how rich the tone of his voice was.

“Allura?”

She leaned down a bit, dropping a kiss on his forehead, leaving Lance completely dumbfounded before she smiled down at him, forehead pressed against his.

“Remember we love you, alright? Please remember that, Lance, please,” She whispered to him, something urgent in her tone but Lance just nodded, speechless at how… motherly? Allura was acting towards him, Allura took a step back to stare at him.

“Got it, Princess, you couldn’t live without me, noted.” Lance chuckled but he was equally serious. Something was burning in his chest, something urgent was telling him to run, that something was off here, but as she moved to open the doors he just stood up beside the bed, this was his family, after all, there was nowhere else to be. So he waited for the doors to open, blue eyes as calm as the waters in Varadero Beach on a sunny day; calm, and soothing and warm.

 And that’s when the storm happened.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-

The first thing Lance saw was copper and green, gold, and white as something clashed against him. Hard. He oofed as he tried to keep his balance. He knew this body and he knew this warmth.

“Lance!”

“Hey there, Katie,” Lance smiled down at the girl in his arms who was already crying, he shushed her gently as he patted her back then his hands faltered. He blinked at her figure, she… she had grown, he runs his hands down her hair and he couldn’t help to notice how long it was now, cascading down her shoulders and back, he tugged at a strand softly, voice wobbly, he sniffed, “Nice to see you again.”

“You stupid, useless, fool, unwise, irresponsible jerk, reckless idiot!!” She sobbed, “I missed you so much, oh my god, what the fuck, Lance?” Pidge said against his neck. Yes, neck because somehow she had grown enough to reach above his chest. Lance just laughed, feeling her still small body compared to his shaking against him, he tried to brush her hair out of her face, to at least try and apologize properly but she just burrowed herself deeper into his arms, chuckling he ran his hands up and down her back as she sobbed against him, allowing her to do as she wished, after all, this was better than the yells and punches he had been expecting.

He looked up when he sensed someone towering near him and then Hunk was there… and that’s when things started to become incoherent in his head again.

He had promised five minutes, no questions, but… but Pidge had grown, and Hunk now had scars on his arms that Lance had never seen before, he had cut his hair close to his skull and was no longer wearing his orange headband, for a moment he was unrecognizable but Hunk still had the same kind expressive chocolate eyes, so when he came near Lance managed a hesitant smile and finally the big gentle giant gave up and hugged both Pidge and Lance at the same time, lifting them off the floor.

“Lance, oh Lance, buddy, you are here, oh my gosh,” Hunk said, and he was crying like a baby, and Lance found some kind of comfort in that, “I missed you, man.”

“There, there, crybabies, I’m here,” Lance said when Hunk placed them back down but still not letting go, “Same old Lance as always, golden dream team back at it again.”

Somehow his words made Pidge cry louder, Lance just hugged her tighter not understanding what was going on, and his bubbly attitude began to shatter, there was something wrong in the way Pidge was crying and the way Hunk was looking at him.

The second Allura had stepped inside the room something had been there; nagging him, but now, it was slowly but surely intensifying.

“You went inside a pod and didn’t tell us, why did you ever do that? Why why why?” Pidge said against his neck through clenched teeth as if she didn’t want the words to spill and yet they did. Lance could feel the warm tears there, collecting on his skin. Hunk just stared at him with guilt and something heavier in his eyes that Lance couldn’t quite place.

“I’m… I’m so, so sorry guys, I… I tried to wait but… but I wasn’t sure I was going to make it,” He lifted one hand from Pidge’s back to hold into Hunk’s left shoulder, he stared into the eyes of his friend looking for something there, “Please, please forgive me, I never meant to leave you for so long, I’m so sorry.”

“You were so stupid, Lance, so stupid man, but it wasn’t your fault,” Hunk said with an arm around his shoulders, glaring at something that was out of Lance’s eye line, “It wasn’t your fault,” And then he just broke up in happy hiccups as he rambled a mile a minute about what Lance wanted to eat, anything at all he would make and Lance just smiled contentedly while Pidge just held to him tightly, he pressed his cheek against her head as he half-heartedly listened to Hunk ramble.

“Never do that again, McClain, promise me, don’t leave me like this ever again, “ Pidge said low enough just for him to hear. Lance found himself nodding, something raw biting at his chest at the tone in which she spoke, leaving no room for argument, “Please, promise me.” Lance moved and kissed her temple, “I promise, Katie.”

“Okay,” She said so low that Lance was sure it wasn’t even for him to hear, as if just hearing those words were enough for her, he felt her lean against him, “Okay.”

“Hey, am I the one only left out here?”

Hunk cleaned his face from tears as he moved away to give space to Shiro, his eyes never really leaving Lance, as he grumbled something about how they totally had dibs because they had been the ones not able to say goodbye.

Lance blinked at the amount of venom and bitterness that was laced in Hunk’s voice. Lance was almost sure he had imagined it. Hunk never talked like that, but he wasn’t able to think beyond that because then Shiro was there in front of him, Pidge, however, was eternally attached to Lance’s side apparently, and she just moved an inch to allow Shiro to hug him better, Galra hand and everything.

“Hey, Shiro.”

“I missed you, Lance.” And wow those were some words coming from Takashi Shirogane. “I missed you.” He said again, and then he felt it, the almost invisible way in which Shiro trembled, not like Hunk or Pidge, who he could feel trembling like a scared Chihuahua against him, but something just barely there, like some bottled emotion until then, he felt in his chest, the way Shiro’s voice broke when he spoke and Lance was sure, even if he was unable to see, that Shiro was probably shedding a tear or two.

Shiro. Takashi Shirogane.

Crying.

Because of him.

“Guys…” He said as he tried to move an arm around Shiro trying to give some comfort because it had only passed like three minutes and he felt like a rollercoaster of emotions. Shiro didn’t say anything besides that, but Lance was sure he was not going to be able to take anything else. Shiro just kept hugging him, his human hand petting Lance’s hair as an afterthought, like if just holding him there was making everything better. Easier. But Lance just got more troubled every second that passed.

This was not a normal reaction. From anyone.

Lance tried again, voice wobbly, “Guys, I don’t even know what is going on but I want to cry too now, damn it!”

That finally got a few watery laughs around the room.

“You fucking asshole, can’t you save the jokes for one second?” But that voice was filled with so much emotion, so much fondness and affection, it was impossible for Lance to feel anything but love laced with each word when he heard it.

And Lance turned around, eager to see the face that belonged to that voice, painfully tried at least, because a human koala was still attached to his hip and Takashi Shirogane, his hero and like his step Dad or something was still holding him, when Shiro felt Lance trying to move that’s when he finally chuckled and almost unwillingly released him, hands resting on his shoulders absently, his Galra hand cold against this skin but Lance didn't mind it. Aaaaand, yep, definitely a few tears there.

Lance felt floored all over again, so many emotions running around the room for him to decipher them all. He gave him a look, scar still in place and Lance found himself relieved.

“We will talk, later, alright?” Shiro said gently, pressing a hand to his shoulder as if making sure Lance was not going to leave. Lance just nodded. Shiro gently patted Pidge’s back then, signaling her to finally retreat from her spot. She whined and shook her head and Lance chuckled in her hair, eyes searching for Violet ones around the room.

“Pidge, that’s enough,” Shiro said gently but he did not try to pry her away, “There are people here who still want to talk to him.”

“No, he doesn’t get to have this,” She said cryptically as she hugged Lance tighter, almost afraid to let go, her nails bit at his skin and Lance was then awfully reminded that he was still shirtless, “He still doesn’t.”

She clung to him a second longer but Matt finally showed up again, untangling Pidge’s arms from around Lance and turning her towards him him, she quickly hid her face on her brother’s chest then. Matt nodded towards Lance and this time, after four years of seeing him frozen behind a pod, Lance finally nodded back with a shy smile.

Lance was shaking now, and it wasn’t due to the cold.

Something was screaming inside his head but he ignored it, he ignored it all because he turned and then there he was, just two steps away and yet too far apart. Violet eyes were shining with tears, tears that were flowing out his eyes even if the man in front of him was trying everything to stop them.

“Lance.” He said.

Just one word. And that word was filled with so many emotions Lance could spend all his life writing a book about them.

And it was like gravity.

Like a wave crashing on a shore.

Like the warmth of the sun.

Like the light of a dying star.

It was inevitable.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Lance opened his arms and that’s all Keith had ever needed.

Keith found himself there, surrounded by warmth, touched by hands he had missed, getting attacked by a smell he had forgotten, like salt, and water, and chocolate, and sun, and something definitely Lance.

Overwhelmed by the feeling of a heart beating wildly against his own chest, matching his own thudding, making the best symphony Keith had ever heard, it had been so long since he had actually felt it, not the computed ‘Beep, beep, beep’ in a room, so long that he had forgotten how to accommodate his breaths along with it.

But above all things, the warmth. A warm body, and warm hands tugging Keith close, a pair of arms were laced around his back almost painfully, fists bunching his shirt but Keith didn’t care. Keith just hugged him tighter, spreading his hands against the bare back of a man he had missed more than the Earth, and the moon, and all the stars in the universe together. Keith hid his face in the curve of his neck unwilling to let go.

Unwilling to spend another second without him, ever again.

“Keith.”

Keith felt as if he was breathing for the first time in eight years.

As if someone had finally pressed play on the numb and almost paralyzed life he had lead.

Keith wishes, like all those years ago, that he could stop time, take his chances and just live in this moment surrounded by everything he loved, because he knew, unlike before, that things with Lance had changed, or at least will change the second they meet eyes again… but there’s one thing that Keith had to say before it was too late because for so long his heart had been just aching to say it, he had been wanting to say it over and over again for way too many days.

And that was one thing, he was certain, that wouldn’t change.

“I love you,” Keith said and finally he will be getting a response back because Lance was no longer cold, unresponsive, and frozen. No, he was here. Breathing, and living, and alive, and safe, and healthy, his voice broke but he didn’t give a damn, he had waited eight years to say that, and he just kept saying it against his warm skin, he relished in the way Lance’s hand trembled against his back. How Lance’s chest moved when he breathed. Keith was just marveled with the miracle that was Lance, “Oh my god, I love you, I love you so much it’s ridiculous, Lance McClain, and I just-- I love you, always, siempre, siempre, siempre. Please never forget that. ”

Lance chuckled but his voice was watery, just as weak as Keith's, “Yo también, always.”

Keith took a shaky breath when the words settled in his chest, and whispered his next words, almost as a plea. “Say it again.”

“…I love you, Keith, I promised, remember? Always,” Keith just hugged him tighter and he was very aware that he was shaking, that he was leaving tears in Lance’s naked shoulder, that his hands were probably going to leave half-moons on his back, and that his heart was breaking all over again but he couldn’t stop it, not one thing.

Hell had yet to fall down and Keith was sure, certain, right then and there, when Lance moved one hand to his lower back and the other to his cheek so he could stare at his face properly, that it had been worth it. All of it.

Every second of the past three thousand and twenty-four days.

All of it had been worth it.

Even the pain to come.

“Love, let me look at you, oh my god, I’m shaking?” Lance said in a whisper as he gently pressed his knuckles against Keith’s cheek but the man just refused to move from his spot on his neck. Lance chuckled as he kissed his temple, he noticed how Keith’s hair had gotten longer in the time he had been gone, now up in a short ponytail. He tugged at it gently, “New style? I like it.”

“I missed you,” Keith said against his neck, warm breath fanning over his skin, ignoring Lance's words. “I missed you every day you were gone.”

“I'm here now,” Lance couldn’t exactly say he had missed any of them, from Lance’s point of view he had just gone to sleep yesterday and today he was here again, alive and healthy. But if it there was one thing he was good at, it was reading people; he understands feelings and emotions, and he knew whatever had happened to his team in his absence had shaken them all, he was aware that he had just not been away for a day, that he had probably been away for months, he sobered at the thought that maybe he had been away from important battles, fighting Zarkon with just four lions for months now had to make a toll on his team. He being away meant Keith had spent a lot of nights alone, probably worried sick that he wouldn't find a cure.

All the tension and happiness in the room had filtered to his bones, making him understand what his absence had meant.

Even in the clash of emotions that surrounded the room, the soft chuckles, and laughs, and sniffs, and sobs, he felt loved. He had an amazing family. Lance felt a bubble of happiness in his chest.

And everything would just be perfect if his fiancé allowed him to just see his face for more than half a second.

“Keith?”

But Keith refused to let go of him, apparently completely happy to just hug Lance for all that it was worth. Lance chuckled and gave up for the time being, choosing to kiss Keth's temple again as he promised Keith that everything was okay. Keith just gave another shaky breath and hugged Lance closer as the blue Paladin turned his stare to wander around the room, looking at his team that had him surrounded, all sporting soft smiles on their faces, but the tentative, almost scared eyes still lingered, as if expecting something from him.

Lance frowned, starting to see the differences he saw in his friends as he absently rubbed his hands up and down Keith’s back.

They just… they just looked different. Hunk was bigger somehow, he had scars on his arms now that traveled from his wrist up to his arm in twisted swirls, wise and gentle eyes were staring at him, shoulders pulled firmly back. Lance realized he looked bigger not because he had grown… but because he looked confident now, even if his eyes were searching his for something… he felt different. Hunk felt different.

And Lance knew him enough to know when Hunk was hiding something. And right now Hunk was filled with so much guilt Lance could almost take it from the air.

Lance pressed his hands against Keith’s back as his eyes found Allura’s.

She still looked the same as when he had gone to sleep, her hair was what gave her away, she still held herself with her chin up and royal posture, it was Shiro, though, by her side, that did look older then, he was still as broad and firm as ever, of course, that’s Takashi Shirogane to you, but… something heavy weighted on his shoulders, the marks around his eyes were now noticeable.

Marks that talked about how much he had laughed… and how much he had suffered.

Lance had never noticed them before.

His hands began shaking against Keith and they bumped against a scar Lance was sure had not been there yesterday. He opened his mouth to say something and that’s when his sight settled on Pidge, who had stopped hiding her face in Matt’s chest.

That’s when Lance’s hands stopped stroking Keith’s back.

Everything was silent.

“Oh my god,” Lance whispered and Keith just hugged him tighter.

“Please forgive me, please forgive me, Lance,” Keith whispered but Lance was not hearing, only able to stare at the no longer little girl standing there.

Lance could’ve sworn that could not have been Pidge if he hadn’t known those eyes.

Pidge had not only grown… she was a woman now. The softness in her face had vanished, now she was all sharp angles, she was so incredibly pretty, she was breathtaking. Her caramel eyes were no longer framed by glasses, and the worn out jeans and yellow and green striped jersey did nothing to hide her lean body, she was still young but… there’s no way, no way she had grown so much in a year. Lance absently raised a hand to touch her face, but she was still out of reach.

“Pidge,” He almost choked on his words.

She looked at his extended hand and after a painful moment of time, she finally walked to him, closer until she was able to be within reach, allowing him to caress her cheek. There, on her left-side cheek, was a burn scar in the form of a broken star, making her otherwise flawless skin a bit paler on that spot. She pressed her cheek to his hand, silent tears raining down her eyes, she closed her eyes firmly, lips quivering.

“Look at me,” Lance said urgently, because his mind couldn’t connect how the little girl that he had left behind was now this… this… this human in front of him. It felt wrong.

“Lance,” And her whole body shook when she saw how astonished and hurt he was. He met her eyes with a million questions Pidge didn’t want to answer, “Lance, I’m so sorry.”

Lance started to look around, hand lingering on her face as his panicked eyes found Allura’s.

“Allura’s time out,” He whispered, “Time’s out.”

Allura just pressed her hands against her chest unable to find the words, Lance looked back at Pidge who was biting her lip to the point of making it bleed. Lance dropped his hands and tried to push Keith away. Something urgent clawing at his chest as he tried to untangle himself from Keith, Keith just held him tighter, but Lance this time pushed harder and the silent war ended. Keith allowed Lance to pull him away just a few inches, enough to see his face.

And Lance, finally, understood.

Because there’s something very telling about time, and that’s that it always leaves traces behind. Even if sometimes you don’t quite see it, not when love is clouding your mind, but it was that same love what made Lance realize what was wrong here. It was the love he held for Keith that made him realize that this Keith in front of him wasn’t the same Keith he had left not yesterday, not a year ago… but way, way longer than that.

The loneliness in Keith’s eyes was telling enough.

“Keith?” And Lance’s voice broke entirely. Keith just allowed Lance’s hands to wander freely around his face, almost afraid of touching him, finally, they gingerly settled on each side of his face, fingers curling around his ears. Keith’s eyes were shining with tears, he took a shuddering breath when Lance out of habit cleaned his tears gently with his thumbs.

“It’s me, Love, is still me.”

But Lance was shaking his head, huge blue eyes going wide in denial because there was nothing he could recognize in that face anymore, “No, no, no, this is all wrong, no.”

Keith looked older… and was he taller? No, no, no.

Keith’s stuttered breath caught in his lungs. Wrong?

“Love—”

“What—what happened to you? To all of you?” Lance said as he now looked at his friends. They… he looked at the pod in panic before looking at Keith again who still had his hands on his hips, tugging him close, painfully reminding Lance he was awake, that this was happening. “What… what happened to me?”

Lance passed a hand over Keith’s neck, there was a new scar there that disappeared down his collar that Lance had not known about, his hair was longer now, way longer than he remembers and it was tucked in a low ponytail, he circled a hand around it before his eyes trailed down Keith’s left cheek following a scar that made a shaky line down his temple to his jaw, the soft pink line clear against his pale skin.

No longer bleeding, no longer painful, not recent. It looked faded with time.

From a long, long time ago.

Keith was not looking at him and Lance got angry, he placed his finger under his chin, forcing him to look at him.

Violet eyes found Blue ones and Lance’s breath caught in his throat.

“No…” Lance said in misery because this was not the same eyes he had loved so much. The eyes he had loved were happy, and sometimes angry, and sometimes they held so much love it was painful to look at them, there were intelligent and always observant, always aware. And Lance was always able to read them. These eyes? They were haunted, old as if they had seen many days filled with sorrow. They were filled with so many emotions Lance couldn’t begin to decipher them, let alone know what the man in front of him was thinking.

Lance really couldn’t breathe.

And this time all the happiness in the room left, the bubbly feelings, the quiet laughs, the shy smiles. Everything vanished.

Suddenly everyone in the room felt as strangers to him, suddenly the things he had come to see as familiarity vanished when he focused on all the things that were new. His heart didn’t break with the news, his mind did, somehow Lance’s heart had understood waaaay before than it took his mind to grasp reality, that’s why his eyes were watery and his voice shaky but yet he insisted on asking.

“Keith… Keith you promised, you promised one year,” He said trying to search for something in those eyes, desperate, “You promised me.”

Keith held his gaze for a second longer before he closed them and hung his head, hands shaking on Lance’s hips and Lance glanced around the room, looking for answers, Pidge was silently crying again as Hunk kept muttering under his breath to please forgive them, Coran had just been silent during the entire exchange and kept being silent when Lance stared at him.

Lance was shaking now and his voice broke.

“How long—oh my god, how long—“ Lance said as he looked at Shiro, but somehow Shiro was just staring at Keith for this, eyes watering at seeing Lance like this.

“Lance, please.”

 “What the fuck, guys?!” Lance tried to think for a damned second, but nothing in his mind and memories could fix what his eyes were seeing, “I— I will understand, not a year, I— I get it… I get it… but…”

He understood Allura’s words now. Things had happened. No, not things. Time had happened. He looked at the wrinkles around Shiro’s eyes again.

“Two years?” He whispered but if Hunk’s small whine was anything to go by he was very wrong.

He looked at Pidge that now could reach his neck, Pidge with long hair… so beautiful breathtaking. Eyes filled with that intelligence of hers but now more mature. Not even a shade of naivety left on her body. she had the keen and intelligent eyes of a hardened soldier, even if they held warm and love and kindness.

He felt something in his chest heavily settled then.

Three years? Four?

He gasped; finally pulling away from Keith whose hands followed his form but didn’t dare to go after him as Lance took a step back from the picture. Lance stood his ground, hands shaking against his side as he looked at them.

And somehow seeing them together side by side made it for him. How… how different they all were. He made a deep sound.

“Lance?” Violet eyes were painfully following Lance’s form. Lance didn’t deign to answer him.

Blue Ocean eyes looking at each and all of them, all the little differences that spokes volumes and then back at the pod.

The pod where he had seen Altean kids.

“Oh my god,” Lance said horrified, broken because this wasn’t happening, it couldn’t be happening. He had been just there yesterday, damn it! He looked at Shiro and Allura, side by side, not even holding hands but Jesus Christ—it was as if Shiro moved around Allura as if she was the sun… and the marks… the beautiful blue eyes and the black hair and the kind smiles and the familiar warmth—he had known, hadn’t he?

The second he had stepped outside the pod. He had known. His heart had known, that’s why he had been shaking, that’s why he had been pushing the thoughts away, that’s why even when he could’ve gone to his room he had stayed inside the medical bay, and that’s why he had been barely able to process.

His heart had known. But as always, his mind was two steps behind. And now he finally understood.

“Oh my god.”

Five years, six?

He stared at his family, at his friends, that now Lance couldn’t help but see and get fixed on all the things that made them strangers. They were all looking at him with tears in their eyes and with something so close to quiet acceptance it was pathetic, as if they were waiting for an outcome but were not going to be surprised by the verdict.

 “Lance,” Keith was trying and Lance raised his hands to his hair, pulling softly, silencing him with a look.

“How— how long, just— Jesus. Kids?! Those kids… oh my God…. Shit shit shit, you had kids,” Lance’s brain is breaking, tears escaping his eyes against his will as he looked at Allura, “You are a Mom, Allura?! You…. You and Shiro?!”

“Lance,” Shiro tried, voice wobbly, “Lance please, sit down for this, you need… you will need time, we—“

“You had kids while I was… and and—How old are they?” He snapped, “Allura time is fucking out, how old are they!”

“Lance, bud, just, let’s breathe alright?” Hunk said walking towards him, eyes imploring, he was crying now,  “We know this is a lot but—“

“Is one fucking question!!” Lance said losing his temper, confusion mixing with anger because everybody wanted him to calm down when he literally couldn’t, “Una sola pregunta, Dios mio!! You owe me this!”

“Four!” Pidge finally screamed and the rest looked at her as if she had broken some important rule. Lance let all the air in his lungs go, feeling his anger slip away with it. He had not been prepared for that answer. “They are four, Lance.”

Lance nodded, hands going through his hair again, kids, Altean kids, Altean-Human kids. Matt was here. Allura and Shiro were together, they were parents for god’s sake.

“Four years? I lost four years?!” He whispered in terror.

And the silence that followed was so horribly loud Lance felt his blood run cold. He stared at his faces, shaking his head, voice completely broken.

“Oh my god,” Lance took one step back, and then another, before he was running to his pod, almost falling on his way there, still barefoot, still hoping against hope that he would wake up in another reality, he leaned heavily against it when he reached it, his hands shook as he tried to remember how the pods were supposed to work.

“Lance, stop it!” That was Keith but Lance was already opening the files on the last log there.

Lance saw the numbers but they were so high he couldn’t process them.

“What…. What…” And he felt as if something inside him was leaving him, crushing him, the word impossible loud in his head but soon Keith was there, turning him away from the pod, making him realize that yes, this was happening. It was real.

“Lance, you need—”

Lance took his chance and clasped Keith’s shoulders hard enough to hurt, they were way broader than they used to be, suddenly everything about Keith was so different it was heartbreaking. 

“Cuántos años Kogane, uh? How many years did you break our promise? And don’t fucking tell me to sit down or breathe, I’m going to fucking kill someone, just tell me, for the love of God, you owe me this, Keith, how many years was I—“

“Eight years!” Keith screamed and yet Lance heard it dull against his ears, tears were cascading down the Red Paladin’s face as Lance stared at him in shock, suddenly unable to speak another word. When Keith spoke his voice as low, and his words slow, like if each word was physically hurting him. “Eight years, Lance. You were inside a pod eight years, and we were here. Waiting. Three thousand and twenty-four days for you to come back.”

The silence that followed was so heavy that it could break people and no one needed to say anything to know the human there, too shocked to move, was breaking right in front of them.

When ocean eyes met violet eyes again, Keith— just like all those years ago when Allura had told Lance he had Cancer— saw realization slowly hit Lance. Unhurriedly, like a warm wave in Varadero Beach on a calm rainy day. And then the wave crashed in the shore.

And just like that, Keith also knew, just like he knew the exact color of Lance’s eyes in the rays of the sun, how he finds him in a crowd in seven seconds, how pale his skin looks behind a glass, how steady his heart beats in a computer program. How he knows, by now, four hundred different sunsets in which none of them Lance had been there. How he knew every word back and forth in the book Lance had left him with.

He knew, with the same certain accuracy in which he knew he would always love Lance... he knew Lance would never forgive him for this.

Lance would never forgive him for as long as he lived.

And Keith had been prepared for this, or so he had thought because suddenly he couldn’t breathe. Lance didn’t need to say anything for Keith to understand when suddenly Lance vaulted out the room.

How could you do this to me?

You promised.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Lance was alone on Blue’s hangar.

The second everything had been too much for him for both his heart and soul, he had run to the only safe heaven he had always known on space: Blue. His body gravitating towards her without a second thought, his mind was still processing what had happened but his legs carried him steadily towards the only thing that he wanted to keep his mind focused on; Blue, her Lady Blue that he had abandoned for… for…

Just thinking about the number made him sick. It was impossible.

Impossible and yet…

When he had vaulted out the room he had heard Pidge’s screams and loud steps behind him, he knew at least her and Hunk had tried to follow him, but he was faster… he had always been, and so he had managed to lose them, making his way to Blue’s hangar, instantly securing himself behind the massive metal doors, hiding away. Placing a wall between himself and whatever reality this was.

He turned his back on the doors, gasping from the effort, and he finally rested his eyes on her, her particle barrier still up, and she held herself tall and beautiful as the last time he had seen her.

“Blue?” He said, and it was as if Blue had just woken up for him and him alone because her eyes shined yellow a tick later, letting the barrier fall down, and with it the ocean of emotions Lance could neatly identify as if her feelings were his. Soon Lance was running towards her.

He finally felt her, cold and bubbly, as she always was, his entire mind felt surrounded by hers, soothing the invisible wounds that a pod could never heal, her consciousness and sparkly sentient being was something very welcomed in this moment of turmoil. Lance felt as if he could finally breathe properly since he had woken up. Blue quickly lowered her head to meet him properly and Lance hugged her, shivering when his still naked chest collided with her cold structure but he didn’t care, spreading his arms as far as they could go.

“Blue, Blue, Blue.” Lance was chanting as Blue welcomed him back as if he had never left, he could feel her, just as he used to do when he stepped inside the pod, her mind colliding with his, raid euphoric thoughts mingling with his, he didn’t know which excitement belongs to whom, which rapid babble belonged to whom.

She felt like home.

She understood without him having to say anything.

“Oh Blue,” Lance cried against her, and Blue purred, nudging him slightly with the most caring touch. He felt her questions as well as her cold but comforting presence engulf him as if to reassure him, trying to protect him from whatever that was causing him pain.

Unlike the rest, she had not changed, not one bit. She was his and he was hers. And in that horrible moment, he allowed himself to breathe and give up. He crumbled against her, he was cold and he was still hungry and his mind hurt, and his chest was heavy, and he felt soulless.

He sobbed harder, just thinking about Keith made his heart ache and he wanted to be able to numb the feeling. He knew all the answers to his questions where outside the barricade he had constructed, he knew, but he didn’t have the energy to face reality again.

So he didn’t leave Blue.

He didn’t for a whole day.

Blue talked with him, reassured him like a mom would his child. Blue was his best friend, his Lady Blue, and she understood. When Lance cried inside her as he made himself comfortable in her seat, a heavy warm blanket around him, she listened. And when he grumbled about Keith’s doings, how dare he take decisions that were not his to take, how dare he do this to him; to his partner, in life and in battle, she listened, and he had to change topic because just thinking about Keith made him want to either sob harder or go and punch him, and he wasn’t doing any of that if he could help it, and when she talked about Shiro and Allura and their kids for fucks’ sake, she listened. He talked about how soft they were, how little, how cute and how much he missed his family on earth. How Hunk had scars now in his arms… and that Lance was scared to ask. How Pidge had grown while he had been gone.

When he complained, when he cried, when he ranted, she listened.

Lance told him all about the differences he found in them, about the strangers he had met, about how angry and confused he was.

He had been quiet then, mentally placing each face he knew with the new ones, marking all the differences he had seen. Blue waited patiently with him, for his questions ready to give him the answers he needed. She was there, giving her his undivided attention.

It was many, many hours later, when he asks her to fill him up with what had happened in eight years.

“Eight years blue…” Lance had whispered against her metal board, “Can that be possible?”

Time is relative to me, little cub, I have been here for thousands of years…. but in humans terms… yes, Lance, you were gone eight years.

“So…” He said, pathetically trying to hold a sob by biting his lip, “Me leaving was just… like a blink to you, right? A second in the great schemes of things.”

Every day was like a new eternity, Lance. Just because is relative doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt. Losing you hurt me just as much as it did when you said goodbye.

“So… what… what happened in e-eight years?” Lance whispered, terrified.

And Blue told him. Not everything. Not quite enough. But he told him how much she had missed him, how Keith and Hunk had taken care of her while he was gone. How Pidge had gifted her with an invisible armor. How much he missed his sometimes reckless maneuvers. How beautiful Earth was. How Voltron had survived without him, how, after more than a year after he had been gone, she had chosen Allura was her new Paladin.

Lance tried not to feel betrayed at the thought. Allura? A Paladin? Blue’s Paladin?

Does that mean… Was he expendable now?

Blue spent a whole hour reassuring him that no, no he wasn’t, and now that he was here she expected nothing more than for him to be her Paladin again.

I waited one thousand years not to find Allura, Lance, but to find you. It was you who brought the team together to space, and I think that without you here… the team fell apart too.

Lance slept in her cockpit that day.  

He told Blue he didn’t want to leave.

Blue told him he could stay for as long as he wished. She will keep the bay closed, she would keep him safe.

And still, even with exhaustion clinging to his bones, Lance couldn’t sleep. Too scared to fall asleep and too scared to stay awake, that’s when he heard something humming on the cockpit, slow at first that Lance thought his mind was playing tricks with him but then a bit louder and clearer. Lance sat up softly as he eyed the place around.

“Is that… music?”

Blue was playing soft music to help him sleep, music mixed with… was that—? Lance looked around, sitting straighter in his chair and looking around the cockpit… they had not left, he was certain, but was he hearing correctly? That was… was this—?

Rain. He could hear droplets hitting the glass, the soft movement of the grass with the wind and the sound of thunder on the horizon as if he was right under a stormy sky on Earth.

If Lance closed his eyes he could find himself there. It took him a while to speak again.

“You… you recorded this?” 

When I was on Earth. It reminded me of you.

Earth…

He closed his eyes, he knew there was much more to that story. Why had Blue been on Earth, to begin with? But he didn’t want to think anymore. Not about Earth, not about Voltron, not about Keith, and not about his family that had left him behind by eight years.

Eight years.

Maybe if he went to sleep he would wake up in his bed, with a twenty one year old version of Keith Kogane, with a short haired Pidge with glasses, with a Shiro and Allura still dancing around each other, too shy to even hold hands, with Hunk, his best friend, unharmed, scarless, with an orange bandana wrapped around his forehead.

Sleep, little one.

The sound of the rain mingled with the same music Lance had installed in her eight years ago, he couldn’t recall the name of the artist, he had never been able to remember it, but it was something with a soft raw voice, filled with sentiment, and Lance finally fell asleep to the sound of the rain and with Blue to watch over him.

Maybe if he wished hard enough, he wouldn’t wake up at all.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

I wake up more awake than I've ever been before.
Still I'm pinned under the weight
Of what I believed would keep me safe.
So show me where my armor ends,
Show me where my skin begins.
Like a final puzzle piece
It all makes perfect sense to me…
The heaviness that I hold in my heart belongs to gravity.
The heaviness that I hold in my heart's been crushing me.