Chapter Text
Dean
Dean tugs at the neck of his shirt to try and stop the stiff collar of the new brown button up he was wearing from digging into his skin. He doesn’t want to be irritable, he wants to be in a good mood so as not to ruin Sam’s big night. Apparently Sam is serious enough about this Eileen girl he’s been seeing that he wants Dean to meet her, and they’ve planned a casual dinner at her apartment.
Naturally, Dean and his self conscious self decided wearing a fancy brand new shirt is his definition of casual. He glances at the clock. Twenty minutes to go.
It doesn’t help that Dean has to go back to the apartment to get Sam when he’s done with work and then drive to Eileen’s in the God awful rush hour traffic. Even after two weeks, Dean is still waiting on the parts for Sam’s piece of crap car so he can finish fixing it up. Sam’s found alternate ways to work, and hasn’t asked Dean for a single ride.
Which means Dean doesn’t have a chance or excuse to talk to Cas again by ‘accidentally’ running into him at the hospital. Sam probably thinks he’s doing Dean a favor, too.
He’d been too chicken shit when he dropped Cas off at his apartment to ask for his number, especially in front of Sam, and he immediately regretted it as soon as he turned the Impala for home. It really doesn’t help that when Jack sulks into class everyday, Dean is reminded Cas had yet again slipped through his fingers.
Dean is staring at the homework assignments in front of him without really seeing them, his brain too preoccupied with unattainable blue eyes. He debated using Jack as an excuse to contact Cas but aside from the fluke of a test score he really hasn’t done anything wrong lately. If anything Jack was starting to get too quiet, but Dean couldn’t exactly call a conference to say ‘hey, your kid is too well behaved’. Jack’s sudden change in behavior was worrisome, but not to the point Dean felt he could use it as a legitimate excuse.
With a sigh he runs his hand through his hair, blinking to try and refocus on the numbers and symbols on the page in front of him...again.
“You seem troubled.” Miss Mosley’s voice floats into his classroom, and he looks up to see her leaning on his door frame, her class engaged in group work across the hall. Dean shrugs with a weak smile on his face.
“It’s really nothing serious.”
“That’s what people say when they have something to hide.” She moves further into the classroom and sits in the desk right in front of him, eyebrow raised in disbelief. “You have not been yourself lately Mr. Winchester.”
“Then who else would I be?” Dean’s joke falls flat, and the no nonsense look he’s being fixed with makes him clear his throat awkwardly. “If I told you, you’d just laugh,” Dean insists, tugging at his collar again.
“Try me.” Dean can feel her eyes boring holes in him and he hesitates all of five seconds.
“I kinda want to date one of my kid’s parents.” He feels his ears burning and refuses to look up from his desk, expecting the lecture of a lifetime.
“Mmhmm, and why does that have you all wound up and ready to snap?” Dean blinks at her, the response matter of fact and not what he expected at all.
“Isn’t it inappropriate? I mean, if he’s a parent and I’m the teacher isn’t that, like-like a conflict of interests or-“
“You planning on giving the student any special treatment?” Miss Mosley interrupts Dean easily and he has to pause to regroup.
“What? No-I-“
“Planning on meeting with the parent on school property for personal reasons?”
“Of course not!” Dean glances worriedly at his door, hoping his voice didn’t carry too far.
“Then honey, ain’t nobody stopping you but yourself.” Miss Mosley is smiling at him, kind and motherly.
“I...that’s…” Dean just sort of gapes at her, but he knows she’s right, and he knows she’s just made up his mind for him. “Maybe you’re right.”
“Of course I am, been around long enough.” Her next question is gentle, like she knows she’s asking a lot. “Which student?”
“Um, Jack Milton,” Dean mutters quietly, his entire fucking torso flushing in embarrassment this time. He’s talked with Miss Mosley about Jack before, about his single father , and Dean’s actually worrying for the first time about his sexuality being an issue. The school was fairly progressive but having a progressive attitude might not stretch far enough to cover actually having a teacher in an openly gay relationship. Every group has its opposing viewpoints after all, and he knows there’s enough conservative parents here to make a fuss.
“I wouldn’t worry,” Miss Mosley says kindly, seemingly reading his thoughts. “Just be honest and be smart, ain’t nothing else you gotta do.” Dean breathes out a huge sigh of relief. Considering he wasn’t even dating Cas yet, he sure as hell had been stressed out about their non-existent relationship. The noise level from across the hall has started to rise, the kids obviously getting distracted from their work in their teacher’s absence. She pushes to her feet, patting his shoulder fondly as she walks out of his classroom. “Dean, it’s rare enough that anyone find a chance at happiness in this world, don’t let your fear of others’ opinions risk you losing yours.” He hears her class settle immediately when she walks in, and he wonders if someday he’ll be able to command that much respect.
Ten minutes later the bell sounds to signal the end of school for the day, and Dean scrambles to gather his things, quickly making his way through campus down to the computer lab. Charlie is just finishing turning off the last of the computers when Dean walks in.
“I think I’m going to ask him out,” he blurts without preamble. She stares at him for a moment before breaking out into a huge grin and bouncing on the balls of her feet.
“Yes!! About damn time!” She hurries over to her desk, chatting as she goes. “So, listen, if it’s easier, I can totally do the double date thing with the two of you, wouldn’t be a problem.”
“Nah, I think I’d like to just make an idiot out of myself in front of one person instead of three,” Dean laughs. “And I like how you’re assuming I’ll get the date.”
“You really think it’ll be that bad?” Charlie gathers her things and turns off the lights in her classroom, the two of them walking back towards the teacher parking lot.
“The fact that I’m considering inventing some excuse to see my brother at work so I can ask for his number ought to be a clue, Charlie.”
“Dean, are you- that’s seriously your plan?” She’s gaping at him like he has three heads and he flushes.
“What? Because ‘hey I got your number off the school database’ is better?”
“Okay,” she nods, “fair point.” They get to Dean’s car, and he tosses his bag in the back, undoing his tie and unbuttoning the top two buttons of his shirt. “So are all your crushes generally this troublesome? Or is it just this one in particular that’s making you so adorably pathetic?”
“I’m not pathetic! And I don’t crush on people,” Dean spits reflexively, tugging his sweater over his head. When he lowers the fabric, Charlie’s raising an eyebrow at him and he suddenly realizes… he is crushing. One hundred percent, teenager hormone level crushing on this man. “Fuck,” he whines, throwing his sweater in the car.
“Ah, he figured it out,” Charlie chuckles. “Want to commiserate over a beer? Discuss options, like leaving flowers at the hospital?”
“God, I’d love a beer,” Dean groans, “but Sam’s taking me to meet his new girlfriend tonight, I can’t exactly ditch him, he’s nervous as fuck.”
“Ooh, good luck with that!” She wraps him in a hug suddenly, and he smiles, thankful he found a friend so quickly in a strange town.
“I better go pick him up, he’s waiting for me at home.”
“Go on then!” Charlie laughs as she shoves him gently towards the door of the car. “And I meant what I said about the double date thing!” she calls over her shoulder. Dean drops into the car, cranking the window down and turning on the radio, trying to focus on tonight instead of the endless different scenarios he’s scheming up to see Cas again.
Sam is so nervous he meets Dean at the curb of the apartment, not even giving Dean time to get out of the car and at least take his things inside. Dean turns the car around and heads back out onto the main road and into the rush hour traffic.
“I don’t see why you’re so worried,” Dean huffs, rolling his eyes as Sam practices sign language in the seat next to him. “From the sound of things she already likes you, ain’t got nothing to worry about.”
“I know but...” Sam sighs heavily, hands falling into his lap. “I really want this to work, Dean. And it scares me.” Dean glances over at his brother, patting him on the arm to show some support.
“Okay, Sam. For what it’s worth, I think you’ve got this. After all, you’re my little bro, I taught you everything I know.” Sam snorts a laugh and Dean winks at him, smiling when Sam relaxes and goes back to his practice.
Dean pulls up to the apartment complex a short while later, finding an empty parking spot near enough to the building Sam identified as Eileen’s.
“This place looks familiar,” Dean muses, looking around. Then again, almost all the complexes in central Florida looked exactly the same, but this one stood out to Dean.
“I would hope so, this is where my friend Cas lives, remember? We dropped him off that one time? He’s actually Eileen’s neighbor.”
Oh shit.
Dean’s glad Sam is walking in front of him so he can’t see the mild panic Dean’s sure is all over his face. He could run into Cas tonight - which doesn't exactly give Dean a whole lot of time to come up with a quick, non-creepy way to ask him out. He's trying to figure out the most casual way to ask Sam if Cas is at work right now when they reach Eileen’s door. Sam rings the doorbell, a strange looking one that obviously didn’t come with the building. He must notice Dean’s curiosity because he points to a wire, following it up to where it enters the apartment.
“It’s pretty cool, the button is connected to lights inside the apartment, so instead of a audio cue it blinks to let her know someone is here,” he explains. Dean nods, impressed.
“That’s actually really clever.” The door swings open and a brunette is there, smiling wide at Sam.
“Hey,” Sam says, signing what Dean assumes is hello.
“Hi, Sam!” She turns to Dean, offering her hand to shake. “You must be Dean!” Sam had mentioned she’d taught herself to speak so Dean would be prepared for it, but it’s still impressive as fuck.
“Yeah hi,” he says awkwardly, shaking her hand with a smile. She steps back and gestures for them to come in, and as they do Dean takes a cursory look around. The apartment was a bit smaller than theirs was, but Eileen had put a lot of effort into making it feel like a home. Books, blankets, and trinkets litter all the furniture, personal touches that make the place feel welcoming. All along one wall are tons of photos of her with people who seemed to be varying degrees of important, and a few with groups of kids in schools or at summer camps.
“Eileen does a lot of advocate work for the deaf community, helping younger students in school get access to sign language education, and working with EMT’s and firefighters to improve their responses in emergencies for the hard of hearing.” Sam explains all this proudly, pointing at the pictures, and Dean can’t really blame him.
“Well, look at you go, dating way out of your league, Sammy,” Dean smiles, patting Sam on the back.
“Shut up,” Sam huffs with a blush.
“I’ve got some frozen pizzas in the oven,” Eileen says as she approaches them, a beer in each hand. “These okay?”
“Yes, thank you.” Sam signs thank you, and Dean clumsily mimics the movement, Eileen smiling at him fondly.
Much to Dean’s relief, conversation flows pretty smoothly, Eileen is very good at lip reading, and Sam manages decently with some of the signs he’s been practicing. Dean watches his brother in amazement- he’s never seen Sam so far gone on anyone, not even back in high school when you’re supposed to fall in love with every cute guy or gal you meet. Even though Dean is always included in the conversation, about the time he’s finished his beer he still feels like a third wheel.
It hits him, suddenly, that Dean’s never fallen that completely in love with someone before. Ever.
With a smile he excuses himself to go to the restroom, taking a minute once he’s finished his business to collect himself. He was not going to ruin this night for his brother by feeling sorry for himself and bringing down the mood. No Sam deserves to have this, so Dean just needs to get his shit together.
A small blinking light up near the top of the door grabs his attention, and he’s reminded of the doorbell thing Sam described to him earlier. He walks back out in the living room to catch Eileen shutting the door behind-
Cas.
He’s having a hurried conversation with Eileen in sign language, obviously upset with something, but even the frown on his face does nothing to take away from how gorgeous he is. Watching his hands move with such precision as he signs is totally not distracting Dean at all, as he just stands silently in the middle of the room and stares. When Eileen turns away from Cas to head back to the kitchen, Cas catches sight of him and smiles, and Dean doesn’t fucking blush.
“Oh, hello, Dean.”
“Hey, Cas,” he mutters. Cas’ face has softened, the angry frown gone and Dean just stands there awkwardly frozen, fully aware of Sam smirking at him as he stands up and walks towards Cas.
“Hey man, rough day?” Sam asks as he pats Cas on the shoulder. Something weird casts a shadow on Cas’ face but it comes and goes quickly.
“I deserve a raise for all the bullshit they call me to deal with.” Cas sounds resigned, like he’s said this before too many times to count and doesn’t believe it’ll happen.
“Hell yeah, you do,” Sam nods emphatically. “I’m gonna go see if Eileen needs help, want a beer?” he asks Cas.
“Yes, please.” Sam shoots Dean another smirk and walks out, leaving Dean and Cas alone in the living room. Cas’ jeans are so worn it looks like they might just fall apart any minute now, and his Captain America tshirt clings well enough in all the right places that Dean has to swallow a few times before he says anything.
“So, didn’t know you were coming.” Dean prays he sounds completely casual and not panicky.
“I was supposed to be here sooner,” Cas sighs tiredly, “but I got caught up at work.”
“You were? Supposed to be here, I mean.” Good job, Dean scolds himself.
“I’m under the impression that Eileen didn’t want you to feel like a ‘third wheel’.” Dean struggles to keep cool as the guy uses actual finger quotes. “And when she found out we’d met before she insisted I join you guys.” She found out...was Cas talking about me?! Dean manages not to choke on his heart where it leaps into his throat.
“They’ve been pretty cool, but I appreciate the gesture.” He smiles weakly, and a weird beat of silence passes before being interrupted by Sam.
“Guys, grub’s ready!” Sam calls from the kitchen.
“Good I am fucking starving,” Cas sighs, following the sound of Sam’s voice.
As soon as he was gone Dean forced himself to take a deep breath, hearing Charlie’s voice inside his head. Don’t screw this up, Winchester.
*****
Cas
Cas chugs down half his beer once Sam hands it to him. Things had been tough at the hospital, but mostly because doctors kept calling him for help from the opposite side of the hospital. He was grateful it wasn’t anything worse. Cas didn’t need anything added to Jack’s weirdly robotic behavior and the second threatening email he’d received- it had been quite the shitty two weeks already, thank you. All he’d had to look forward to was this dinner Eileen had asked him to come to. He figured some food and drinks with other people would be good for him, a chance to relax and just not worry about things for a while.
Then Dean walked in the room.
The man had a presence, Cas had noticed that when they’d first met, but being here in this more private situation made Dean seem that much more. He was thoughtful too, even though Cas kept up a running translation of the conversation in sign language, Dean was always careful to speak directly to Eileen, making sure she could see his lips and not doing that weird over-enunciated thing.
And, quite on accident, Cas was finding out a lot about him, as Dean and Eileen got to know each other. He found out Dean had moved here after going back to college late, that he was supposed to have taken over the family business but decided he wanted more from his life. He found out that Dean defaults to self-depreciating humor when he gets a compliment, or feels embarrassed.
He found out that Dean was single.
The fact that Cas was hung up on that last one, after almost two hours of conversation, had him worried. Right now, with everything going on in his life, he couldn’t devote time to a relationship.
The fact that he already felt Dean deserved better than that made his stomach turn nervously.
He glanced over at Dean as Sam was telling Eileen a story, and found himself looking into green eyes. Dean noticed he was caught and turned away quickly, but it was enough to make Cas’ signing stumble to a halt.
“You okay there Cas?” Sam chuckles. “Did you just do the sign language version of a stutter?” Eileen grins and nods at Sam before looking over at Cas.
You okay? Eileen signs at him. He nods, looking at Sam apologetically.
“I think I better get home, get some sleep,” Cas says out loud as he signs the same thing back.
“You know, you’re right, I’ve got an early start tomorrow too,” Sam grunts, pushing himself to his feet and stretching.
“I’ll walk you out, give these two a moment alone.” Dean’s comment is teasing, aimed at his brother. “It was wonderful meeting you,” he adds, shaking Eileen’s hand with a smile she returns warmly.
“Alright, alright.” Sam shoves Dean towards the door, offering his hand to Cas to shake. “You sure you’re okay?”
“I’m fine, just tired.” He smiles at Sam and gets a hug from Eileen.
Don’t think we won’t be talking about what’s really wrong later, she signs quickly, and Cas is sure Sam didn’t catch it. He nods at her and turns for the door, where Dean is waiting for him. Dean opens the door for him, and Cas raises an eyebrow at him as he walks past. Once they’re both outside, Dean huffs a sigh and shoves his hands in his pockets.
“Sam is in so deep, I don’t know if he knows it yet.” Dean’s smiling, though it’s thin and nervous. Cas leans on the wall next to his door, a grand total of ten steps down the hall, and tries to calm his insides as they tie themselves in knots.
“I enjoyed getting to know you tonight,” Cas says simply. Dean shrugs a shoulder, half smiling up at him.
“Yeah, same here.” Dean bites at his lip and Cas knows what’s coming. “Listen, Cas, I know it’s kinda weird, but I’d really like to keep getting to know you? Maybe over a coffee or something?” A date . Dean’s eyes are hopeful, watching him closely for his answer, and oh god he’s blushing. It’s the first date Cas has been asked on in years, and it does weird fluttery things to his stomach because yeah Dean is easy on the eyes but he’s got such a kind heart Cas wants to get to know him better. “Unless I’m a jackass and I’m completely reading this whole thing wrong.” Cas realized his silence was coming across as denial.
“Oh, no it’s not- I’d really like that, Dean, it’s just...it’s not the best timing.” He takes a deep breath. “Something has come up recently that…”. He trails off, because whatever bullshit he was about to feed Dean just didn’t feel right. “I’m not in the best place for a relationship right now.”
“Okay, I get it, that’s cool,” Dean says quickly. “But what about a friend? We could just talk, keep in touch? If that’s okay?” Cas stares at him, because who the fuck takes rejection that well?
“I guess I could try that,” Cas smiles, and Dean’s answering smile is so bright Cas has to blink a few times.
“Great! Here, tell me your number and I’ll send you a text.” Cas does, watching as Dean’s fingers nimbly type his number into his messenger. Dean quickly types hello, it’s Dean Winchester and sends a text, Cas’ pocket buzzing right after. “Look, just tell me if I’m being annoying and I’ll back off,” Dean says with a small laugh, dropping his phone back in his pocket.
“I don’t think that’ll be a problem.” Cas blushes as his mouth runs away from his brain, and Dean’s eyes light up. It’s honestly adorable. Eileen’s door opens and Dean startles slightly, clearing his throat and offering Cas his hand to shake.
“Night, Cas. I’ll keep in touch.” Cas marvels at the firm grip of his hand and the kind smile and simply nods, watching as Dean and Sam head for the stairs. Eileen walks over to him, resting her head on his shoulder and Cas wraps an arm around her shoulders, taking in the comfort she’s giving. She pulls away, turning to sign to him.
What’s going on?
Remember how I mentioned I was running from my past? It’s catching up to me. Cas refuses to let her get involved, so he won’t say anything more. From the look in her eyes, she understands.
Anything I can do to help? Cas shakes his head, smiling fondly at her. In that case, let’s talk about Dean! She grins as he shakes his head, smiling bashfully.
Goodnight, Eileen.
With a wave the two of them head back into their respective apartments, Cas finding Jack kicked back on the couch watching old Scooby Doo cartoons. He moves to get up, but Cas waves for him to stay.
“I think I’m going to head to bed early, you can keep watching TV.” Jack settles back on the couch, but pauses the video anyway.
“Hey, Dad?” His voice is hesitant, and it catches Cas’ attention. It’s the first time he’s really addressed Cas without attitude in a couple weeks.
“What’s up?”
“You uh, you’ve never really talked about my mom much.”
“What do you mean?” Cas asks, walking out to the living room to sit on the recliner. “Jack, we used to talk about her all the time when you were younger.”
“No, I know I mean...you don’t talk about your lives, y’know, before me.” Cas feels his breath catch in his lungs, hoping the sudden tension doesn’t show on his face. The emails hover in the back of his mind, and Cas is starting to think that there’s no way in hell this is any kind of coincidental timing.
“Jack, your mother and I, we weren’t in the best situation back then. Things were very complicated, and often pretty painful.” Jack opens his mouth to say something but Cas raises a hand to cut him off. “I know you have questions, and I know I’ve always promised to answer them. But I’m not...I’m not ready to walk through those memories.” Jack’s face is confused, and his eyes are studying Cas closely.
“When will you be ready?” Jack asks. “I know you miss her, but I...I didn’t get a chance to know her.” Cas’ heart immediately cries out in pain for his son, because the words are so true. He barely manages not to wrap Jack up in his arms like he’s little again.
“Tell you what, I’ll try writing them down, okay? Give me a little while to get my thoughts in order, Jack, and I promise, I’ll tell you everything, okay?” Jack’s curious and disappointed, but he nods all the same, picking up the remote for the TV.
“Okay, Dad.” And just like that his son’s face closes off again, and Cas sighs, pushing himself to his aching feet and stumbling into his own bedroom.
Cas strips, still shaken by Jack’s question, unable to keep the memories he doesn’t want to think about from surfacing.
“Can’t you see what’s happening?” He shouted, his voice a hollow echo along the concrete corridor.
“It’s not a big deal,” Kelly snapped as she turned on her heel.
“Don’t you dare-“
“And what are you gonna do about it, Castiel?!” She looked down her nose at him, and tugged her scarf tighter around her neck. He could see her fear, but she was also so angry.
“I get it, okay-“ Cas’ words were cut off when her hand flashed out and laid a heavy smack on his cheek.
“No, you really don’t.” She turned sharply and left, her high heels a crisp echo in the hall. Cas’ skin stung with the force of the impact, and his eyes stung with tears.
Cas blinks hard, rubbing a hand over his eyes when his phone chirps with an alert. Confused, he pulls it out of his pocket to see a new text message from Dean.
Dean: Sorry for texting so soon.
Dean: Is this awkward? This is awkward, isn’t it?
You: Awkward isn’t the word I’d use.
Dean: Creepy then?
You: I was thinking more along the lines of adorable.
Cas flushes at the last text, knowing too damn well he shouldn’t even be encouraging Dean because he has no intention of-
Dean: Okay, I can work with that.
“Fuck,” Cas sighs. Here he is, a troubled kid in his living room and a psychopath in his email, and then Dean just waltzes in like he’s meant to be a part of Cas’ life right now.
Dean: Hey look, just let me know if I’m coming on too strong. It’s...been a while since I tried to have any kind of social life.
You: I know the feeling.
You: Maybe this will be a good thing for both of us.
Dean: :)
Cas bites at his lip, already regretting the message he’s about to send, but apparently his resolve to not form any kind of relationship with Dean is already broken.
You: Jack will be at a friend’s Halloween party on Wednesday, and I happen to have the night off. Would you want to meet up somewhere? Maybe catch a bite to eat?
He stares at the little ‘Read’ under his message and waits for what feels like forever, until finally Dean responds.
Dean: Yeah, I think I’d like that. Pick you up at your apartment around 7?
You: Sounds great.
Castiel smiles at his phone, adding Dean’s info to his contacts and feeling marginally better about everything going on in his life right now. That is, until his phone rings and Meg’s image pops up. His stomach immediately sinks back down into his feet.
“News?” he asks.
“You’re not gonna like it.” Her voice is clipped, a hard edge to it, and Cas sinks down onto his bed, afraid his legs won’t hold him.
“I know I’m not, so what is it?”
“Well first of all we’re lucky I’m such a generous lover because I wouldn’t have this many exes to call for favors.”
“Meg I’m not in the mood-“
“Secondly, Tommy pulled some strings. Did some quiet checking into Nick. His sentence ended last year, and apparently after three months he dropped off the grid completely.” Cas scrubs a hand over his face, trying to fight down the terror in his gut.
“Meg, if he finds me, finds us… There’s no way prison did anything but change him for the worst.”
“I know, Cas. Look, we just gotta keep our heads and stay safe. At this point there isn’t anything he can legally do.”
“Legally isn’t what I’m afraid of,” Cas mutters.
“Yeah...Same here,” she admits. “Anyway, since I’m off tomorrow, I’m going to go take shots till I pass out. Good night, Cas.”
“Night.” Cas hangs up, looking at the screen of his phone as the call ends. It’s still on Dean’s contact info, and Cas locks his phone. He should have known better than to think he could let his guard down for one minute. Now he has a date with Dean that isn’t really a date but he’s gonna think it is and it will really make Cas look like a dick when he shoots him down again.
He hears Jack get up and turn the tv off, making his way to his room slowly. Cas’ chest aches, because he loves Jack so much, yet his son is somehow slipping through his fingers. Added to the fear from his past and Cas wants to just crawl into bed and never come out.
But that won’t help Jack. This is his son, he needs to find some way to get through to him. Cas needs to find out exactly why Jack is acting this way, even if it means being the kind of helicopter parent he never wanted to be. He needs to know his son is okay, then he can figure out what to do about the handsome distraction that is Dean.